miionio - Tumblr blog

[miionio]

Mio your Mio is here!

I have been quite busy since March, a lot of things have happened but I haven't had the time to draw for my little diary blog here.

So hopefully you are fine with a text post, and I can draw for those mini stories with more detail later!

The haircut in March

I have cut my hair short a fair amount of times in my life, for the majority I have cut pixie cuts. During my time where I was in the most denial about feeling like a boy though, I grew my hair out long and klad it in so many big ribbons.

There have always however been a haircut I have wanted to try at least once, but I was too scared going to a hairdresser and showing her a boy-picture of what I wanted to look like after my one attempt when I was 14.

Due to circumstances, I couldn't cut my hair at my usual hairdresser, a story I will tell later. So I went to a new lady. Picture in hand and my courage shaking in hand. I had almost saved my hair out to a near perfect length for this particular cut; which had taken me a year. Maybe another half year of it growing out from this cut, I would have the ideal length to cut the hairstyle.

Moving onto the actual haircutting...

When she finished cutting, my hair went from Deku fluffy cute cloud waves to it belonging onto a 2010's meme site.

I cried when I got home.

I warned my two irl meetup friends that I refuse to allow them to see me with my haircut until it has grown out for at least 4 months, it was too darn embarrassing and shameful. I stopped covering my head with my hoodie two weeks ago when the summer heat was hitting too hard.

One year of length until I stop looking horrid. My hair is also going to take two years to grow out to the desired length of my dreamcut, to which I have decided that I will save up and travel to the big city to get it done right.

And if you think that story isn't so bad... That is ⅛ of what happened. The rest will come with drawings to explain the nightmare I went through that day with the hairdresser.

My very first binder

As much as I wanted the story of my first binder to be exciting and thrilling; I have to buy a new one with a different model. To put it short: I bought the very wrong model for someone with J-cups.

This too, will have a drawn example, so future me knows what I did wrong.

I am now saving up to buy another one, double as expensive. My eyesight has gotten worse, but I kind of need the binder more, my eyes waited a year so they can wait another three months.

You thought you were slick when coming out

You were not. Apparently two of your TTRPG players had missed the news and message you put on your general discord chat back in December.

One was left shocked when you mentioned something about it, as they had missed it.

The other was confused until they asked what everyone was talking about, and then apologized profusely.

Mio, you probably should've done a better job.

This was a rather long post from the little hiatus, but far more than that has happened and I will make updates on it after my birthday in two weeks ❤💕

[miionio]

Since weeks have passed now...

I thought it was important to write down for future me to remember, to remember what option I took and didn't regret despite that extreme anxiety I felt at the time.

Good thing post about me and my friend, this ends well.

That friend you had for several years and spent a lot of time with, was writing things behind your back. They were being transphobic, which confused you greatly as they had been the most supportive friend of yours to your face.

Two others were extremely upset, especially your brother who was ready to end that friendship out of the anger he felt for you. However, since that friend still loved you and you them, you wanted to fix this whole mess. Despite the things you read that he had written, you didn't want to give up on them right away without working on it.

So you told them that they could ask any questions they wanted and you would answer them. You even answered some questions beforehand that you thought they wanted to know or have explained.

The day was extremely rough, and you were fighting your fear and anxiety. You had a feeling that nothing would change their views, but giving up before trying was wrong.

After all those years and nearly every day spent together for some of those years, it couldn't be over just like that. I mean +500 hours together on fall guys in two years, that friendship is for life.

Harsh things were said.

You felt like throwing up.

You kept your patience and never insulted nor got angry at them.

After a week of them being temporarily disabled from the discord and you having no contact at all, on the condition from your brother that they could come back after reading up on trans topics as homework, they came back into your life.

You technically didn't get that apology as per the second condition, but you decided not to bring it up. Your friend admitted that them being kicked for a week was deserved.

Now you talk again almost every day as before. They are good at correcting themselves without you mentioning it; when they accidentally say she. In fact, they are the best at it out of your friends except your transfriendincrime A. They makes good jokes with you about how things will be when you fully transition.

You are happy that you didn't give up on them. You are happy you fought that anxiety and gut wrenching fear. You feel lucky to have them as your friend.

They do not fully understand what everything means and why, but they accept you and you are their precious friend back.

Skål to us and our long lasting friendship R!

[miionio]

Wish I could go back in time and tell my 12 year old trans-in-denial-self a lot of things.

That it was okay to feel different.

That nothing was wrong with him.

That his mom couldn't care less if he was her only daughter or third son.

That nobody important to him would find him strange or odd.

That he shouldn't waste another 12 years being miserable instead of being happy, when life is already too short.

That he is still worthy of love and people will still want to be his partner even if he is a transman.

That the next apartment he would move into has mold in the shower and it will fuck with his lungs for two years.

Dear god stop eating hazelnuts because you are going to become allergic. Stop eating them. Also stop bloody eating tomatoes because they make you sick too you little brat.

[miionio]

First closet update 2

I purchased these two shirts with the gift card I was given last Christmas, the gift I was given due to coming out two weeks previous to the holiday.

The second I saw that green shirt I fell in love with it, it was 100% up my alley. As I saw that it was on a 50% sale however and that was 70% of my gift card... I had to buy it instantly whilst it was still on sale or it would be out of my grasp forever.

I was fumbling between choices for the second shirt as that meant I could only afford one other shirt and it had to really count. So I picked one that was quite a large size. It was not something that was up to my normal tastes, but I fell for it quickly once it came with the mail and I got to try it on.

They are so pretty, but the quality?

I have never owned a shirt in such amazing quality before.

Granted I have also never bought an expensive shirt before either.

[miionio]

So I tried styling products for the first time in my life, back now in February.

I did some small research to figure out what kind of styling product I need for my hair, as I have fine nordic hair.

Full flatness. All of the flat. Cannot use curling irons and the like. Stays flat.

Really thin strands.

Extremely fine strands.

(I have 0 volume so it sticks flat to my head to boot.)

Despite going to a discount-goods store, I learned that hair styling products cost a fortune. The product I need to use to give my hair any form of volume and shape, was incredibly difficult to find just in general in all stores as I need a mixed product.

I wanted a perfume free hair product, but that ended up being an impossible task when what I needed was an already rare product.

Anyways

Wish I took the interest to learn about this stuff sooner. Fixing on my appearance with things like this was a massive confidence booster. Who could've also thought that a little hair product would make me feel manly?

Planning on asking my hairdresser if she can explain the basics of styling hair the next time I get a haircut. Nobody I know actually does that sort of stuff.

[miionio]

So I ended up picking a name.

I had a big list that ended up getting quite short fairly quickly as I asked for opinions from friends.

Memory to forever stick

Me: "What do you think of Rion or Orion?"

Friend 1: "It's cringe bro lmao"

As I was quite liking those names, I asked another friend about it and told them that someone else called "Orion" Cringe.

Friend 2: "To be fair, it is cringe."

Multiple Finnish names

As I am Finnish and Swedish, I can legally change my name to one of either origin. Now... I transferred between a lot of schools in my life, so I have had a ton of classmates.

My requirements for my new name was:

Cannot be a name of someone I knew.

Cannot be difficult to spell, I suffered from this a lot with my birthname.

Cannot have easily-mean-nicknames.

Cannot be cringe.

Not a cool or lame name.

I have had a ton of Swedish classmates with all common names for my age, so I decided to look for mainly Finnish names. I ended up finding a ton of names that I liked but had something negative related to it.

After a ton of back and forth, I decided to try with Matteo for starters. It isn't Swedish or Finnish, but a lot of boys in Sweden are named Matteo.

I ended up not vibing with it as it felt too cool for my standards, I can't really rock that name, it's a popular-kid-name.

Being nicknamed "double T" for two weeks was sick though.

How I picked my name

I decided to speedrun it, so I downloaded a bunch of free mini visual novels where you pick your own name. Having the characters actively call me by trial names made it a lot easier than trying it out for weeks before going onto the next one.

I am no longer a man without a name, for it is now Mio. Yes, Mio is a masculine name here in Sweden and Finland. Yes, Mio like "Mio min Mio" the story, which is why a lot of boys are named Mio around my age in Sweden. I recommend picking that book up, written by world famous author Astrid Lindgren.

Unexpected nicknames

Seeing as Mio is only three letters, I didn't expect it to be given a nickname by anybody other than potentially M or Em. Which is still not that far off in length.

So of course I have been given nicknames by my friend group whether I wanted it or not.

Fuckboy

Stingray

Twink

I didn't even have a nickname outside the family until I changed it to Mio. Now everyone won't stop calling me Stingray and Fuckboy.

Hopefully it won't last for several years. I can't walk around being called Fuckboy in front of new people, they will think I actually have charisma and moves.

[miionio]

That one big shirt

One of the shirts that arrived was incredibly long, most likely because it was a shirt from a Swedish store and the average height is around 180cm-something for males over here.

I got one that said it was a little longer on the torso as I wanted to hide my hips. However as it arrived and I took it out from the plastic wrap, it looked like it belonged to a giant.

As I had to attempt at least trying every single clothing that arrived, I still tried it despite it's ridiculousness.

It felt like wearing a knitted sweater dress, and the shirt was so insanely soft that... I decided to keep it for home use.

It felt too damn nice to send back.

I wear it every single time it is clean now, it is nice to walk around at home in, but it is impossible to get any chores done as the sleeves are too long to fold.

[miionio]

First closet update 1

Related to an earlier post

I was planning to go down in weight, so maybe I can wear one in the future. If I get one that fit for the arms, I am able to at least use it as a jacket.

If I go down in weight enough I can probably tie one around my waist as well. Like your typical romance-shoujo-second-male-lead.

Regarding the few brown shirts and bright vests, they ended up making me feel dysphoric and self-conscious about my chest. I can't wait until I lose weight and look more androgynous, however that is quite a long while away.

[miionio]

First closet!

When getting your first new closet, it will be pretty darn expensive to replace everything, so try looking at some trusted cheap second hand stores or online listings for clothes that need to get sold asap!

Most shirts I ended up buying were 30 sek, with one shirt I really really really liked that cost 75 as the highest.

If you take the time to look things up carefully and on trusted sources, you can find some super cool deals! I did actually find things I pretty much fell for... but as I needed quantity over coolness I had to make my sacrifices. Future you can save up money and buy cool shirts! The starter closet might not just be the time sadly depending on your economic situation, in my case that felt super risky with that amount of money.

Future me, remember that your maman gave you that money despite her broken wrist. Even though her wrist was completely shattered and she had her nerve endings fucked up, she cared more about not wanting you to wear dresses and be happy than focusing on her wrist alone.

When posting this it hit me that I will actually match both my cats Majken and Tilda!

Majken who is black/white

Tilda who is brown/biege/grey/black/white

[miionio]

Food and candy...

There was so much more to write information wise, but if you want more info on this type of stuff you should definitely read about it from a medical professional and not on a tiny little blog!

Less work for me. Super detailed information online for you, or from a doctor's meeting!

Before I start taking hormones

[miionio]

For a Christmas present

My maman gave me

A giftcard at a clothingstore

A store with "cool" men's attire

A gift

So kind in thought

As she doesn't want me in dresses

But bad luck would struck

The Christmas sale sold out

Now January too

For a Christmas present

I can still not use with my bad luck

Thank you maman

Sorry maman

Love you maman

[miionio]

Coming out meme

Dragging people off to tell people individually started becoming a drag, so I decided to just send this to people now and in the general chat of my friend server.

[miionio]

Having a trans supporting family is...

When your mother and one of your brothers sleeping over, starts a long discussion about what your new name should be.

Sauron

Sephiroth

Robotnik

Frodo

Arragon

Emet

Rion

Gandalf

Bowser

Dracula / Alucard

Kefka

Majora

Ganon

Vaas

Zeus

Hades

Solomon

And add a full list of names from 2 hours after that.

I love them very much. I am happy they're helping with coming up with a new name. But why so many villains?

They got really stuck on Sephiroth, Ganon, Emet, Rion and Arragon.

I take that "Emet is my favorite FF villain, take that name" is a good thing?

Bonus: My brother thinks I should switch my middle name to match too. So instead of switching it from Wictoria to Wictor (to honor our mom) he thinks it should be something like:

Max Power [Lastname]

Will Power [Lastname]

[miionio]

Piling up the updates into one post

All updates will be placed onto this one long post to pile them up. This is more for me personally than for anyone else since I don't like clicking through several posts when I can just read everything at once, writing this for those that have seen these images separately with/without text before.

[miionio]

It feels more awkward than I expected.

To the bestie who is trans as well, I knew you struggled with this but damn it feels a lot more awkward than I assumed, like ten fold my assumption which was already pretty high up.

You go queen, I felt like almost giving up after the second correction in a row from feeling so awkward. I wonder how long it will take before I stop feeling anxious about correcting people?

I am fully aware that nobody will get mad at me if I say it extra loud, but my anxiety is holding me back for now from bringing it up really loudly and not quietly. I gotta work on that.

[miionio]

I didn't feel bad about my height until recently. I am not too short, 164cm isn't bad. But the average in my country is 181cm. Both my brothers of course a little bit over 181cm.

But when my friend K said I was a short king I immediately felt better about my height.

I may not be up to 170, but damn being called king ain't half bad.

[miionio]

Taking medicines

Before I start taking hormones