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mpreg-is-always-possible · 9 months ago

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La Vie En Rose

jason todd x fem!reader

aka jason wildly preferring you over everyone else

4 in 1 blurbs

warnings: standard batfam arguing etc.

You sit curled up embarrassingly close to Jason on the couch, head on his shoulder. The team is still in their gear as they filter into the living room, masks and helmets discarded in scattered locations between here and the cave. The mission had been fairly simple and with all of them together it only took a couple hours to finish up.

As you waited, Alfred had kept your mind busy in the kitchen while he taught you how he makes his famous ice cream from scratch.

The clamor of the heroic party’s return had made itself known sooner than later, and you think your face must have displayed your emotions nicely because Alfred nodded you away with a small smile and no second thought.

You’d walked into the living room, weaving through the mess of siblings until a hand snuck out on your left and grabbed your wrist. You barely had time to look at him before Jason pulled you down to sit next him on the sofa. He wrapped an arm over your shoulder, pulling you in and leaving virtually no space between you. His armor sits heavy against you, but a welcome weight on your shoulders.

Tim plops down on the couch across from you and you can just make out a bit of blood on the side of his head, aptly accompanied by an irritated look sprawled across his face. It’s not enough blood to be concerned about—not for them—but you can venture a guess that whatever they were up to shouldn’t have called for any injuries and his pique is likely directly related to that.

Though Dick’s goading aura might have something to do with it too, as he comes crashing down next to him a second later, partially sitting on Tim’s cape and pulling him into an awkward angle.

Nightwing doesn’t seem too perturbed by the younger vigilante’s agitation and curt manner of pushing him off.

The others are too caught up in chatter to pay much attention to you, and you can be certain that’s why Jason takes that moment to press a kiss to the side of your head. He lets his lips linger there for just a second as you lean into him.

Alfred’s own entrance is the only thing able to subside the flurry of conversations skirting around the room.

“A job well done,” he commends with a nod. “A selection of ice creams awaits you in the kitchen.”

He gives you a sly wink before retreating back through the swinging door, leaving Stephanie and Cass to practically trip over themselves trying to beat each other to the kitchen. Robin follows after unhurried, mask still on, with his hands behind his back.

Jason kneads your thigh before pushing himself up to stand. He turns back, looking down to you. “What do you want?” he asks softly.

You hum, "Just strawberry's good."

Tim sits up, "Can I—”

"No, you've got legs,” Jason grumbles, stalking off to the kitchen.

Dick barks out a laugh and you bite back a smile.

Tim looks absolutely aghast.

“That’s such bullshit. You know, he used to be nice.”

“No he didn’t,” Dick laughs, shaking his head. “Not since you’ve known him.”

Stephanie stumbles out of the kitchen then, the door hitting her back on the way, as she mutters a curse behind her. You can vaguely makeout Jason grunting something back before she rolls her eyes.

Steph looks at you, shaking her head as she returns to her seat, “You live like this?”

You shrug, “He’s nice to me.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Tim grumbles.

Jason returns after Cass a minute later with a bowl of strawberry ice cream and two spoons. He expertly ignores Tim’s unwavering glare as he resituates himself beside you.

He scoops your legs up over his lap and positions the bowl in between you, wrapping the sleeve of his jacket around it so that the cold porcelain doesn’t make contact with your skin.

The others have set themselves up so that the four of them are stuffed up against each other on the sofa adjacent to you, very obviously examining you both.

And while you’re willing to acknowledge the amused stares and singular glare, Jason only sighs heavily, rolling his eyes as he glares at the coffee table.

Only a few seconds of this are allowed to go by before he pulls over a throw pillow and sets it over your knees, so that it rests atop your heads like a mini-fort, successfully blocking out his siblings' view of the two of you.

You smile and press a light kiss to his shoulder as he simmers.

Regrettably, you miss the way Damian side-eyes the pillow above you as he re-enters the room, perching himself atop the back of the couch behind the others.

“This is so nice,” Dick preens. “He used to just leave the room when too many of us gathered in one place. Now he has to stay.”

Stephanie watches the makeshift fort with wary eyes, scooping ice cream into her mouth. “Yeah…I don’t wanna freak you guys out but, uh…”

It’s quiet for a moment and you guess Cass is speaking.

You’re proven right when Stephanie starts up again, “My thoughts exactly.” Her voice drops into a raspy whisper that isn’t really meant to go unheard, “I don’t know who the hell that is, but it is not Jason.”

“This is unprecedented,” Damian mumbles, dipping into his own chocolate cup.

“Do they always talk about you like you’re not here?” you ask Jason quietly.

“Yes,” he grumbles with a scornful look directed at the bowl.

A low hiss can be heard immediately after, “I’ve never heard him whisper before, what the fuck?”

You can’t hide your laugh as well as you mean to, but you know Jason’s light swat to your thigh is nothing more than a rib.

Mumbles continue along the other couch, mostly going unacknowledged, until Tim busts out, “He doesn’t even like strawberry!”

Jason snaps the pillow out of the way, “The fuck do you know about what I like?”

Tim resets his posture with one hell of an attitude, snarking, “Well I can name one thing you really seem to fucking—”

Jason grabs the pillow harshly and chucks it at Tims head which connects with a loud thwack.

Damian swats it away before it can knock him off balance, though his scowl is only half worth what Tim’s is.

“You’re unbelievable,” he says with a sneer. “This is why you don’t get invited to movie night anymore.”

Jason doubles back at him, “Sorry, is this not your own fucking house?”

Tim huffs, “Yes, which i—”

“Then get your own goddamn ice cream!”

Tim huffs as he stands, sending Jason a pointed look. “I’m going because I want to.”

Jason barely gives him a sardonic nod as he stomps off.

“Get me some too!” Dick calls back, only for the back of his head to be met with a sideways grimace from Tim.

As he leaves, the focus of the room seems to shift towards Damian dripping chocolate onto his cape and it fades away from there.

You turn to Jason, lowering your voice to just below a whisper, “If you don’t like strawberry—”

“I like it,” he tells you, leaving no room to argue as he takes a bite.

Voicemail.

Declined.

Voicemail.

Declined.

“I swear to God, he better be dead,” Stephanie mutters to herself.

She shuts her phone off and tosses it into the passenger seat with a huff. Her fingers drum against the steering wheel as she scans the sidewalk across from her car.

The night before the majority of the team had been involved in a less-than-successful plan, which some have called “a display of complete idiocy and inability to circumspect.”

Then Tim had to go and make a joke about that word choice in what was apparently a bad moment. This gave way to a harsher punishment of the team being forced to clean the batcave foot by square foot—notably, an impossible task.

So naturally, they had to retaliate.

The plan was to dismantle the batmobile piece by piece and leave it a collection of parts for Bruce to find. Problem being, the group as it stood didn’t possess the capability to do so without doing a great deal of damage to the parts. Damage, that the family was not willing to face extra retribution for.

Fortunately, they knew just the man for the job.

Unfortunately, said man has devoted his life to ignoring their messages, favoring to live peacefully and distantly from them. And because that peace and distance does come with an add-on of borderline complete secrecy from his family, no one had any idea where to look for him.

So, Stephanie decided to do the next most rational thing and track down your location. She’d hoped he would be with you like he always is, but for seemingly the first time in the last year—he’s nowhere to be found.

Now, was revenge for a minor-slight by Bruce so important that it required Stephanie to take all of these steps to get a hold of Jason? No, absolutely not. She’s pretty sure that the others have already given up on it by now and started cleaning. But it’s about the principal. And also, she does not want to clean the floors of a cave.

She jumps up in her seat when she spots you exiting a store, scurrying to unbuckle and pry the car door open.

She’s across the street in half a second, running directly into your line of sight. It actually would’ve been very difficult for her to miss your line of sight, considering she’d landed only a good six inches in front of your face. “Hey!”

“Oh, fuck—” you jump, grabbing your chest. You take a breath when you realize who it is, less surprised now by the theatrics of the introduction. “Hey Steph.”

“Hey,” she smiles casually, like she didn’t do what she just did. “So Jason’s been ignoring us and I need to get a hold of him,” she tells you.

You nod, still collecting yourself. “Oh. I don’t know where he is—”

She shakes her head, “That’s fine. Can I use your phone to call him?”

You frown, “Is something wrong?”

“With him, yeah,” she snarks. “I called him, Tim called him, Dick called him, Cass called him, Damian called him, we used Bruce’s phone to call him—that was a bit of a long shot, but still. This is our last option. Well, not our last option, if this doesn’t work I could get really invasive, but—” She shakes the thought from her head, “Nevermind.”

You nod blankly, taking in the mountain of information she’d just handed you. “How’d you know I was here?”

She scans your eyes back and forth for a second before her own widen in realization and she’s shaking her head. “No, no, don’t worry we’re not tracking you! I just hacked into the traffic cameras to find you.”

“Oh!” you exclaim, nodding some more. “Okay.”

You hand her your phone without any further questions—for your own sake—and she happily accepts.

“You know I texted him 115 times?” she tells you as she scrolls through your contacts.

You furrow your eyebrows, watching her click his name and press the phone to her ear. “Did you count?”

“Well, I had the time, di—you son of a bitch! One ring?” Stephanie scorns into the phone.

You can hear Jason groan on the other end of the line.

He says something to Stephanie that she follows up with a firm shake of her head.

“No,” she says defiantly. “She let me use it.”

Stephanie rolls her eyes, not pleased with his response. “What if it was an emergency?”

She listens for a second, skeptical look on her face.

She gasps suddenly, “I am not overstepping, we thought you were dead!”

Over the course of about ten seconds the shock on her face drops into just-been-caught guilt. “Well, I mean we considered it.”

You imagine Jason’s telling her to give you your phone back as she stands her ground, pushing, “If you promise to text me back.”

A short response on his end.

“Promise to text me back!”

There’s a brief lull before she’s giving a self-satisfied nod and jostling your phone back into your hands. “Here ya go. Thanks, babe!” She smiles wide at you before jogging back across the street, not waiting for the cars.

You smile as you watch her go, putting the phone up to your ear, “Hey Jay.”

You can hear the relief on the other end of the line. “Hey sweetheart. You know if you see Steph in public, you can just walk away?”

“I’m not going to walk away from your family.” You look again across the street, “Also I don’t think that was an option for me this time.”

“That thing is fucking scary.”

Cass smiles fondly, signing, “I think he’s cute.”

Tim eyes the way Salem traipses around his feet, yellow eyes staring up at him. “Why’s it even here?”

Jason rolls his eyes, continuing to scroll on his phone. “He’s hers. Deal with it.”

Tim scrunches up his mouth. “She knows I hate it. And she, unlike you, wouldn’t subject me to this just for the hell of it. So again I ask: why is it here?”

Jason huffs, looking up from his phone. “What do you want me to say? He wants to be.”

Tim scoffs at that, “‘It wants to be’? You’re the one who put it in the car.”

“No, I didn’t,” Jason says factually.

Tim looks at him sideways as Salem leaps onto Jason’s lap and nudges his hand up. Jason follows along as requested, petting the top of Salem’s head with an open palm.

Tim squirms to the other side of the couch with a look of disgust on his face. Salem watches him the whole time.

A smile adorns Cass’ face as she signs, “She says he can read people’s energy.”

Tim huffs, resting his head against his fist. “What does that even mean?”

The conversation is cut off by the clatter of you and Dick stumbling into the room, carrying a freshly painted headboard. Blue paint coats both of your hands and has no doubt stained your clothes.

You’re clearly struggling a bit to keep your grip on your end, the weight of the wooden frame dragging your arms down.

Jason stands and Salem flows along with his movements easily, leaping down onto the hardwood. He comes over and helps you lift your end of the frame with a stupid amount of ease, to the point that you’re not even holding any of the weight up anymore. The three of you—less so you—move the headboard and lean it up against the wall. After it's set down Jason steps back and looks over it gingerly.

“It looks good,” he murmurs to you, quiet enough to not give his brother the satisfaction of his approval.

Dick had asked you over to help him paint Damian’s bed frame as a surprise for him for not getting in any “altercations” at school this semester. You’d decided on coating it with his favorite color first and then fill it in with a collection of what Dick has “on good authority” are his favorite animals. It’s a fairly random assortment that you’re not sure adds to or disproves Dick’s credibility. You’d spent the better half of the afternoon googling animals you’d never heard of just to make sure you projected their likenesses accurately. Dick had been very clear that you had to be precise on the details because Damian would know if he was really looking at a komodo dragon painting or if it was “some common lizard.”

You sigh, “I hope he likes it. I’m worried we did it too childish for him.”

“He is a child,” Jason says plainly.

“But he is not childish,” you counter. And he sure isn’t. You’d had a hard enough time convincing Damian to watch cartoons, adding a colorful animal mural to his bedroom might be one step too far. You’re still trying to figure him out.

“He’ll like it,” he says firmly.

You smile, slipping around under his arm and tucking yourself into his side.

Not a moment later, Dick slings an arm around Jason's shoulder, grinning as he pulls his brother in close.

Jason’s immediately louring. "No, get away from me."

Dick, unfazed and still smiling, removes his arm and takes a big step to the right. You do the same, figuring he needs his space, but you get caught by the wrist before you can do more than sway to the side.

“Not you.”

He pulls you back under his arm, wrapping it around the front of your shoulders. You hook your fingers around his forearm, letting your hand hang.

You hear a double-clap from the other side of the room that has you both turning around to face Cass.

She signs something to Jason with a fond smile on her face.

You look back and forth between them as Jason waves her off. “What?”

He shakes his head, “It’s nothing. She said—she said we’re cute.”

You smile up at him and he deflects—not so subtly—and starts nudging you back towards where the group is gathered, now all standing.

Dick’s quick to start bragging off to the room about how great of a job the two of you did and how really complex and daunting it actually is painting animals for a child.

As he talks, your eyes find Jason, who’s definitely about to roll his eyes any second now. A bit subconsciously, your hand comes up to brush Jason’s white streak of hair back, away from tickling his forehead.

On the other side of Jason, Tim does the same, sweeping Jason’s hair back in a much more mocking manner.

This gives way to Jason smacking his hand away, harder than he needed to.

"Wha—You let her do it!" Tim protests, overplaying how much the slap hurt.

Jason scowls, "She can do whatever she wants."

Tim drops his shoulders, looking at Jason as if he’d been scandalized. “Oh but I can’t?”

“Not if it involves touching me,” Jason grumbles.

Tim steps closer, putting a finger to Jason’s chest. “You’re such a—”

From the floor, Salem hisses up at Tim, successfully startling the teenager. “Auahh—”

He stumbles backwards, grimacing at the cat.

“Fucking demon,” he hisses, walking away.

When Tim’s far enough away and Salem’s seemingly satisfied, he brushes up against your leg, purring.

You peer down at him with a furrowed brow.

“What’s Salem doing here?”

“I’m not doing this shit with you.”

“No, come on, 9 out of 10 times is what you said. How ‘bout just once? Beat me one time at anything, Jaybird.”

“Anything?” Jason asks like he knows damn well Dick can’t swear on that word.

Rightly so, Dick backtracks. “Something agreed upon.”

Jason throws his hands up, partially in exasperation, partially relenting.

Dick smoothly turns his back to him, announcing, “Opening up the room for ideas.”

Damian’s eye roll is almost audible from the corner armchair, where his attention is unmoved from intently sharpening a blade he’d recently come into possession of.

Bruce similarly remains unbothered in his seat, trying to read despite the distractions.

“Ooh, okay. Okay.” Stephanie wiggles up a little on the couch. “You could race!”

Dick shakes his head negatively, “I literally just busted my knee up two days ago, Steph.”

“Convenient,” Jason mumbles.

“You were there!” Dick exclaims with an open mouth.

Steph continues, “Um…”

Cass waves to the room from her position upside down on the couch, head hanging down next to Stephanie’s legs. Attention successfully acquired, she signs, “Staring contest.”

Jason grimaces, “That sounds like a nightmare.”

Dick gives him a faux-smile.

“You should play chicken,” Damian chimes in, holding up his knife.

“No,” Bruce drones monotonously as he flips a page.

“Tic tac toe?” Steph suggests.

Cass is already shaking her head as she scrunches up her mouth in thought.

Jason rolls his eyes, “What are we, five?”

Dick nods, cracking his knuckles as he thinks. “No, we need something that really proves our worth.”

Bruce looks up from his book, staring numbly through his brow, but remains silent.

“You could arm wrestle,” Steph suggests.

The elder brother twitches at that, “Uh, no.”

Cass moves past that before a joke has the chance to be made. “Handstand contest?” she suggests.

Jason shrugs, “Yeah, sure.”

The elder brother looks at him incredulously. “You’ll do a handstand contest with me?”

“That’s what I just said.”

Dick scoffs, “Jaybird, I’m an acrobat, you’re just some guy.”

Jason, not giving him the courtesy of eye contact, pulls his sweatshirt off from his back. “Well, you’re a lot of things, aren’t you?”

Dick throws his head back with a squint.

Jason fishes his phone out of his pocket and Dick follows suit, offended stare maintaining all the while.

No exchange is required as they both toss their phones across the room, landing together with a rough clatter on Damian’s lap. Damian’s resulting glare is borderline disgusted.

Dick starts them off, “Alright, go. One…two…”

Both men push up onto their hands, muscles flexing as they find their balance. Dick’s form is better, of course, but Jason looks to have a stronger foundation.

They both hold strong as several minutes go by with the brothers only maintaining the attention of some of the room, and the interest of none of it.

Stephanie huffs and tilts her head, thoroughly unentertained with the consistency they’re both managing.

“Starting to wish they’d picked something that moved along a little faster,” she murmurs to Cass.

Dick glances over at the younger brother, clearly displeased with his lack of trouble keeping up with him. He shuffles closer one hand at a time, using the decreased distance to poke at Jason with his foot, trying to knock him over.

Jason kicks him back harder, “Hey! Don’t be a dick—”

“Very funny,” Dick leers.

They both end up finding a struggle to keep balance and are forced to mind their own.

A chime rings out from the corner that has heads turning briefly in his direction before coming back to the competition.

“Whose was that?” Dick calls out.

Damian leans over and inspects the screens with disinterest. “Todd’s.”

Jason adjusts his position, “Who is it?”

Damian responds with your name.

“And?”

He picks up the phone shrugging like he couldn’t care less, “She wants to know if you want to go see some movie,”

There’s a brief silence before Jason drops out of the handstand, standing up.

Dick’s blood-flushed face peers up at him, bewildered. “Wait, what?”

The family watches with wide eyes as Jason picks his sweatshirt up off the floor and tugs it back on.

Stephanie gawks, bordering on laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” he says simply.

Dick lets himself fall into a kneeling position with a huff, “You would rather go to some movie you don’t even know the name of than win a bet?”

Jason moues at him, “Uh, yeah.”

He tosses a twenty at Dick, and plucks his phone from Damian’s hand as he strolls past him, typing out a reply.

Cass sits up a bit and signs up to Stephanie, “Does he even like movies?”

Bruce, now attention now fully removed from his book, watches Jason exit with the slightest hint of a smile. Dick sits dumbly on the floor, staring after him with an open-mouth.

Damian twists the knife in his hands around contemplatively before rising to stand.

“I will go,” he announces, dropping his blade onto the seat of the chair. Jason grumbles a no but Damian follows after him just the same.

you know what happened to the last guy that didn’t reblog? … 🔪🧨💥😵⚰️🪦

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 10 months ago

Text

ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

"Alfred?" he calls and gets a soft hum in return. "What does it mean to be human?"

it feels silly. he is centuries older than Alfred, but something had happened the night he had died, something beyond the death and the waking and the sudden thirst for blood. sometimes it feels like it was amber that had filled his grave, not dirt, and he was forever stuck at 24, stupid and hopeful and painfully young.

ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

when he was 24 he had often felt like he was stuck at 8, at the night his parents died to a man who didn't know how to use the gun in his hand, that it was not his parents blood but amber that landed on Bruce's skin and held him fast to the cobblestones.

ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

he wonders if he will continue like that, building and compounding around himself, and if someone where to cleave him in half would they find not flesh and blood but a tree ring of tragedy. each layer one distinct sorrow, one inescapable horror, rooted in an alley in Gotham he never really left.

"I don't know, master Bruce, humanity is a complex thing."

ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

it isn't, he thinks but does not say. the answer was in the heartbeat of the man who was allowed to grow old beside him, and the damning silence under the hand Bruce held atop his own chest.

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 10 months ago

Text

Better

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x gn!reader

Tags: Angst, divorce, losing a child, graveyard, reference to child neglect, reference to canon typical violence, grief

Notes: so I’m very new to this fandom and haven’t actually read the comics yet but I’ve been reading a lot of fanfics and couldn’t get this out of my head. Also I tried to keep reader gender neutral but I did write and edit this in the middle of the night on my phone so please let me know if a rouge pronoun that isn’t ’you’ made its way in. Thanks for reading and please enjoy!

Word count: 1.9k

Summary: Falling in love with Bruce had been foolish. Marrying him was an act of down right insanity. You knew it would end one way or another but you had deluded yourself into believing your husband’s crusade couldn’t come at the expense of Jason’s life. Gotham needs Batman and Batman needs Robin. But why did Robin need to be the boys you had come to see as sons?

Or a one shot of the events leading up to your and Bruce’s divorce after Jason Todd’s death

Officially, you and Bruce had divorced only six months ago. Truly though, your relationship had ended nearly three years ago when Bruce came home without Jason. His Robin went off to do the one thing Batman wouldn’t, and the next thing you know your son is in the ground.

The grief was all consuming. You fell to your knees when Bruce told you. Alfred said the scream you let out would haunt him for the rest of his life but the memory of it was lost to you. Those early days after Jason’s death are blurry still. The only tangible feeling being the heavy hole Jason left behind in your chest.

You’re not sure where Bruce went after that. He grew so distant the only time you saw him was to discuss funeral arrangements. After the funeral you don’t really see your husband for the next month. When asked, Alfred informed you Bruce was staying in the cave believing you needed space. Alfred had clearly disapproved of that but Bruce was right. She did need space from him, from Batman.

It’s not a point of pride that you grew to hate him in the early months after. Thoughts of revealing his extra curricular activity plagued you. As much as Gotham needs Batman, Bruce needs Batman too. He needs to protect his city and build towards a future where his parents' deaths wouldn’t ever be repeated. But how could that future exist when Batman won’t even kill Joker? How could it exist without Jason?

The idea is tempting but you never act on it. Revealing Batman’s identity wouldn’t only endanger you but Alfred and Dick as well. You couldn’t stand losing them too. Dick decided to come back to Gotham for a while after the funeral, just to be there for you and Bruce. Bruce tried to send him back to Bludhaven but you had put your foot down. “We just buried one son and now you want to push another way,” you had yelled at him, his face as stony as ever. He acquiesced.

Dick and Alfred tried to get the two of you to talk to each other. Dick would often try to essentially parent trap you and Bruce in various rooms around the manor, inviting both to watch a movie or asking for help with something but not tell you that he’d asked you both. By the second week Alfred refused to bring Bruce’s food down to the cave, forcing him to eat with you. By the end of the month the two just threw out the cot in the cave and Bruce took a bed in a guest room. Their efforts made it seem like Bruce was imposing his absence on you, and maybe he was but there was no comfort to be found in his company, not anymore.

Their antics went on for another month after that until you sat them down and told them to stop. They had for a few days. When Alfred “mistakenly” served Bruce’s food upstairs one night, you cornered him afterwards to tell him you were considering leaving Bruce. “I cannot fault you but he’s the closest I have to a son and I’m afraid another upset would cause him to spiral more. It’s too much to ask but can you please stay until the grief isn’t so raw.”

That’s when you noticed Bruce had bruises and cuts in places he was normally careful to keep clear of thug’s fists and knives. Dick told you he was fighting so much harder; The criminals had started to whisper fears of the bat starting to kill soon. You didn’t think he would go that far, and Dick agreed but he could tell his father wasn’t far off.

So your marriage continued. You woke up alone, went about your day, had dinner with Bruce before he left for patrol, then went to bed. Galas and various other functions for Wayne Enterprises or Bruce's charity events were the only time you two truly acted like there wasn’t this vast distance between you. Most of the time it made your skin crawl to act like things were fine, but occasionally you could pretend - Jason wasn’t dead, he was just trying to find where the servers smoked to join them. Then someone would offer condolences and the facade would break.

It was around this time when you began to visit Jason’s grave. It had been too painful to see it before. The words ‘Jason Todd: Beloved son and brother’ etched in stone had followed you into nightmares for months. But you needed to get out of the house and Jason had spent too long without a visit from you. At first, they were short somewhat sporadic outings - tiptoeing in about once every other week to leave flowers, often leaving them next to a bouquet or two some else had already gifted. After a while, you warmed up to a quick hello and some highlights from the week before, then had graduated to speaking at the tombstone for hours about life after him every week. It was cathartic and maybe a little sad but those one sided conversations became the one place you could talk about the complexity of your family’s situation without having to sugar coat it or be reminded of how staying was helpful to Batman.

For two years this went on and Batman’s anger didn’t cool. Bruce still came home with black eyes, bleeding knuckles, and the occasional gunshot. The hate in your belly for him had dulled considerably to the point where you had begun to patch his wounds up again out of respect for the love you once had. You might be angry with him but you didn’t want him to get himself killed.

When the neighbor boy, Tim Drake, had knocked on your door, you couldn’t have guessed that he came to express his worry for Batman, for Bruce. You and Alfred listened as he waxed poetic about how Gotham needs Batman but Batman needs Robin. The hole in your chest that had since grown less noticeable ached because he was right and it made you want to spit. As Alfred excused himself to get the Robin uniform for the boy, you grasped his thin shoulders and looked into his face, colored in righteous determination.

“The last Robin was murdered, Tim.”

“I know Jason died, but -“

“Bruce will try to push you away. Don’t let him.”

Watching Tim run out the door in the red and green suit made your stomach turn. It wasn’t what you wanted but you had never had a say in that side of your husband's life. The two of you thought more with your heart than with your head when you decided to get married, but you weren’t so love drunk to think that the marriage wasn’t nearly guaranteed to fail. You even expected it to end because of his crusade. You just wished it didn’t come at the expense of your son.

It was foolish to think this new Robin wouldn't worm his way into your heart just as the two before did and maybe it was selfish but you couldn’t do it again. There was no way Bruce could just stop, but you didn’t need to stand by his side while he did it. It was a miracle that only Jason had died.

Despite your efforts to keep Tim at arms length, he was a sweet kid and it was impossible to ignore him. Plus you knew his parents weren’t paying nearly enough attention to him so he needed someone looking out for Tim and not just Robin.

Bruce had been better at keeping the boy out. He let Dick do most of Tim’s training and really only spoke to him about vigilante things. But the armor slowly but surely cracked. It didn’t escape you or Alfred when Bruce began to request foods that you knew Tim liked or when he had Alfred set up a guest room that was meant for Tim to use when needed. A year in and Bruce had long stopped coming home from patrol with careless injuries.

You knew it was coming. You anticipated everyday that Bruce would come home from patrol and tell you Tim had accepted the mantle. When it actually happened though, it still sent ice through your veins.

“Tim’s passed every test Dick and I have given him. I offered him Robin and he said yes.”

“I knew he would.”

“I don’t want him to be.”

“I know.” A moment passed and then you said “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“I know.”

The divorce was quick. Neither of you wanted anything from the other. Bruce offered alimony but you refused. You kept your job after getting married but you never touched your salary, leaving you with a nice nest egg to start your new life with. Alfred and Dick were sad but they understood. They knew you sacrificed a lot to stay with Bruce even before Jason died, but after you gave more than you had.

Tim didn't really know what your marriage looked like before but he took on its demise all the same. Your heart broke when Bruce told you Tim had tried to give Robin back in an attempt to make Bruce reconcile with you.

“Tim, if I had it my way none of you would be going out every night fighting thugs and criminal masterminds but you were right; Gotham needs Batman and Batman needs Robin. Unfortunately, it’s become too much for me but Bruce won’t stop. He can’t but he needs someone like you there to make him remember himself.”

Tim just nodded his head and went back to the manor.

Dick and Tim visited you at your small apartment in Gotham as often as they could. Though between Dicks commute from Bludhaven, Tim still being in school, and both of their budding vigilante careers, they didn’t have much time to visit. Occasionally, they’d stop by during patrol for a rest or some first aid. Mainly you kept in touch with phone calls and texts.

You never really saw Alfred anymore, unless it was when he opened the door for Tim after dropping him off at him from school or some outing. He does call occasionally, just to say hi and chat. It’s nice, not feeling completely cut off from your old life.

It was surprising how unchanged your relationship with Bruce was after you left. It probably shouldn’t have been - your marriage was one in name alone and had been for awhile. Still, realizing your conversations only revolved around if Dick or Tim needed anything made it clear just how true it was that divorced life with him wasn’t far off from your married one. He never did make an effort to really speak with you after things went to hell but then again neither did you.

When you finally signed the divorce papers, it felt like you could breathe for the first time in years. No more sticking around because you were afraid leaving would push him over the edge. But the hole in your chest still plagued you, and it most certainly would forever. The divorce wasn’t what was best. What would have been best would be Jason being alive and Batman not needing to put your kids in danger constantly. But Jason was and Batman did. So the divorce is better.

#angst #oneshot #bruce wayne #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne x you #no y/n #batfam #batfamily #batfamily dynamics #gn!reader #divorced!bruce Wayne x reader #dc comics #dc fanfic #dc x reader #batfam x reader #batfam x you #reader adopted Bruce’s children

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 1 year ago

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attention all writers! tumblr is rolling out a new feature that allows our work to be used in ai training processes!

be sure to opt out of this in your visibility settings immediately! and remember, you have to opt out for each blog, not just your main!

go to your blogs’ settings (again, you have to do these steps for each blog, not just your main blog)

scroll until you see “visibility” and choose that

in your visibility settings, choose “prevent third-party sharing for (blog name)”

you may opted out already but we don’t take chances with ai around these parts *insert angry cowboy*

tagging some mutuals to get the word out — @multifandomsimagine @pegxcarter @moremaybank @gladerscake @goldenroutledge @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @drewstarkeyslut @drudyslut @tangledinlove @rafeandonlyrafe @mvybanks

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 2 years ago

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AO3 is down due to a DDoS attack, meaning someone is purposely overwhelming the website with requests.

Do not refresh the website until they have confirmed that the site is back online. You’ll only send more requests and further overwhelm the site.

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 2 years ago

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Shouting this at all the tumblr porn bots that have been following me

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 3 years ago

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How to Choose

Story Summary

Valerie Jones had never had to put much thought into what her life would turn out to be - she was to go to school, find someone to settle down with, and get a job, that's the plan. But when her first day at her new job ends in an unexpected trip to a different dimention, how can she reconcile what she had planned and what life has dished out?

Masterlist

Author’s Note

Soooooo this is coming a little later than I was planning but it’s here now! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the update!

Chapter 12

Steve stood at the top of the stairs starring down at his long lost soulmate for what felt like ages. The grip on his gun was so tight it almost hurt as he lowered it away from Bucky. His breath caught in his throat as he looked into Bucky’s steely blue eyes that used to look at him with nothing but warmth and love. Now they eyed Steve beedily as Bucky was debating what to do now that he had been caught. The two men just stared at each other, waiting for the other to break the silence.

“Steve,” a soft voice called out from the common room. Bucky’s eye’s darted up towards the door and took a step forward. Steve raised his gun again, stopping Bucky in his tracks.

“What are you doing here?” Steve asked.

“There was a girl by the river when I pulled you out. She said to come here to talk to her,” Bucky said. Steve lowered his gun again, his brow furrowed.

“She told you to come here?”

Bucky’s shoulders tensed and his brow furrowed.

“Why do you care?” Bucky said in a gravely voice that sounded like it hadn’t been used in awhile.

“She’s also my soulmate and I have to keep her safe, even from you,” Steve answered. Valerie called out again, her voice sounding closer. Both of the super soldiers could her her footsteps nearing the stairwell door. “What did you need to talk to her about?”

Bucky looked down at the ground for a moment. His shoulder moved up and down like he was trying to compose himself and Steve gripped his gun a little tighter. Bucky looked back up at Steve, a steelyness in his eye that hadn’t even been there in the D.C.

“Bucky…”

“You didn’t hold a gun to me in D.C.” Bucky said.

“You weren’t asking for my soulmate in D.C.,” Steve replied. “I don’t want to hold a gun to you but until I know why you came to see her, I don’t have another choice. Maybe I’ll put my gun down if you tell me what you want with her.”

“I don’t know,” Bucky grumbled, eyes darting down.

“I need better than I don’t know,” Steve said. Bucky huffed, his lips pressed tightly together.

“I just came to talk to the girl from the river.”

“You said that already,” Steve said through gritted teeth. Steve’s patience was waring thin. All he wanted to do was run to Bucky. To throw his arms around his soulmate and help him out of this situation and introduce him properly to Valerie. He didn’t dare to think about the life they could have. One of easy contentedness living far away from any outside forces looking to exploit them. Now wasn’t the time for daydreaming of lives that could be. No, now was the time for caution because some swedish asshole decided Bucky needed to be brainwashed for 70 years. Used and abused for Hydra. Before Bucky could answer, the door opened and Valerie peaked her head in.

“Steve? What are you…” the question died on her lips once she noticed the gun in Steve’s hand and the tightnessof his shoulders and jaw. Suddenly, rushed steps came from the stairs, and in a flash Bucky and Steve were struggling against each other. Bucky’s arms were around Steve’s waist, trying to get past him. Steve had Bucky in a headlock, his feet planted to the ground. Steve hit bucky with the butt of his gun, but Buckky caught his wrist. Steve grabbed Bucky’s arm and twisted it, using his hight to his advantage and pushing Bucking to the ground. Steve knelt on Bucky’s back. It all happened so quickly, Valerie didn’t even have time to yell.

“Valerie, get out of here,” Steve yelled, his gun pressed into Bucky’s back. Valerie stood frozen in wide eye terror as Bucky looked up at her. “Call Tony, then Same. Tell them what’s happening

Valerie ignored Steve’s request and just looked at Bucky, who wasn’t even struggling against Steve. Bucky was here. He was here. There Bucky was, in ragged, slightly grimy clothes that she was sure were stolen, a knifelaying just a foot away from his flesh hand. Valerie didn’t care about the knife nor did she heed Steve’s warning to leave. All she could think about was getting this distressed man into the tower.

“Bucky,” she whispered, disbalief washing over her. “What are you doing here?”

Bucky took a minute to look her over. She had a nervous look in her eye, but her hands gripped the doorhandle so tightly, it was like she was tethering herself to prevent her from running the few steps between them. He cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“You said you’d be here if I needed help,” Bucky said, he stared at her determedly, fighting every urge to push Steve off of him so he could look at her properly. “Why?”

Valerie mouth opened and closed, trying to form words. What did he mean ‘why?’ It was a question so simple, that it felt like it should just be known. Yet here Bucky was looking up at her like a lost kid looking for help. His tone was sharp and pointed though, so cutting, Valerie stepped back. “Why did I offer you help?”

“You saw what I did to him, why would you want to help me?”

“Do you not think you deserve it?” Valerie asked.

“Why would I deserve it?”

“Because it wasn’t your fault,” Steve interjected. It wasn’t the right answer. Bucky started shaking his head, lips pressed together in a thin line.

“No, I still did it though,” Bucky said through gritted teeth.

“You also pulled Steve from the water and you’ve had this long to go back to Hydra, and you didn’t,” Valerie said, hands gripping the rail. “If you’re so unredeemable, why not just leave Steve to die and go back?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky mumbled.

“Why don’t you get off of him, Steve? We can get him some clean clothes and some food. In the mean time, he can try to think of a better answer than I don’t know,” Valerie said, taking a tentative step forward only to jump back as Steve yelled out a ‘no’ and shoved his hand out to block Valerie.

“Steve!” Valerie hissed.

“He doesn’t come in until he tell me exactly why he’s here,” Steve said firmly.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Bucky siad.

“Then what are you doing here?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know.”

“We need better than I don’t know, Buck,” Steve said.

“Okay, Bucky you turn on Jarvis and instead of giving Steve your weapons, you place them infront of you on the table?” Valerie asked, finally getting out of Steve’s grip and stepping beside Steve. “Does that work for everyone?”

“I shouldn’t be here,” Bucky repeated.

“Were you just planning on waiting in the stairwell until someone happened to see you then?”

“I…I don’t know. I just wanted to ask you something.” Bucky said, turning his head away from Valerie and Steve.

“What did you want to ask?” Valerie asked.

“What’s your name?”

Valerie looked from Bucky to Steve, who kept his eyes trained on Bucky. Part of her didn’t want to answer. It was the part of her that knew how dangerous Bucky was. If he could nearly kill Steve then what hope did she have against him? But another part of her just wanted to crouch down next to him, caress his face, and tell him everything was going to be okay. To shoo Steve off and wrap her arms around this lost man.

“Valeire,” she finally answered.

“You’re full name,” Bucky demanded.

“You don’t -” Steve began but Valerie cut him off.

“Valerie Marie Jones,” she whispered so quietly Steve almost couldn’t hear her but Bucky had never listened so closely to anyone in his entire life.

“Do you have my name on you?” Bucky asked. Valerie nodded, her eyes stinging.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, hurt lacing his words.

“Th-there was so much going on. I didn’t think it was the right time.” Valerie said, breathing low to stop the tears from falling.

Bucky didn’t say anything. He turned his head away from her and his mouth became a straight line. His gaze was so hard and piercing, Valerie thought he might carve a hole throught the concrete wall as an escape.

“Why did you want to help me?” he finally gritted out, “You didn’t even want to tell me who you were, yet you want to help me?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who I was. If I could go back a change that, I would. But I do want to help you if that’s what you want,” Valerie said. Steve let out a wet scoff and suddenly Valerie remembered that Steve was still there, pinning Bucky to the ground.

“Of course he wants help, and we’re going to give it to him,” Steve said. His eyes were red and he took measured breaths. For the first time, Bucky started to struggle a bit, a slight panic in his eye.

Valerie shook her head, stepping towards Steve and crouching down to place a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “No, he has to want help. He has to ask for it, Steve. Forcing him to go through what you’re asking of him could do more harm than good. Please get off of Bucky and let him make his choice.”

Steve shook his had back and forth, his face screwing up like he was trying to will the tears to go back into his eyes. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t let him leave.”

“Why don’t we just start with standing up?” Valerie said, softly caressing Steve’s cheek.

Steve nodded and pinned both of Bucky’s hands behind his back before standing and bring Bucky up with him. Bucky looked like he wanted to bolt. His eyes were darting from Valerie to the door leading into the tower and the stairs, but he made no move to get out of Steve’s grip.

“Valerie grab that knife and bring it to the kitchen. Then call Tony and tell him what’s happening,,” Steve said. Valerei picked up the knife and hesitated looking between the two men.

“We’ll be in there in a second,” Steve reassured. “I just need to pat down Bucky before he goes in.”

Valerei nodded and left the men alone again. Steve sighed and walked Bucky over to the wall. He placed Bucky’s hands against the cinder blocks and pushed his feet apart. He got to work, searching for any hidden weapon on Bucky. He ran his hands across Bucky’s arms and down his torso and legs. Steve turned Bucky around and repeated his search again. Bucky said nothing and only moved when Steve moved him. He had a far off look on his face, like he wasn’t there.

“You alright, Buck?” Steve asked, lifting up Bucky’s shirt to pull a gun from his waistband. Bucky didn’t say anything. Steve reached the front of Bucky’s right boot and felt another knife. He sighed and pulled it out. “You packed pretty light for storming the tower alone.”

“I shouldn’t be here,” Bucky whispered.

“No, probably not,” Steve sighed, standing to look Bucky in the eye. “But I’m glad you came.”

“If you were smart, you’d kill me,” Bucky said matter-of-factly. Steve’s entire body went rigid and his blood felt icy.

“I don’t want you dead,” Steve mumbled.

“I wanted you dead.”

Steve started at Bucky. His jaw was set and if he didn’t know better, he would have believed what Bucky said. But there was something behind that suredness that told Steve he was fronting. He just shook his head.

“If you wanted me dead you wouldn’t have pulled me from the river.”

“You don’t know me,” Bucky said, glaring at Steve.

“I do know you, Buck and you know me.”

Bucky stared unblinking at Steve, like he was waiting for Steve to take back what he said. But he didn’t. Steve just took a step back and waited for Bucky to walk through the door into the tower. After a moment, the two men were walking into the common area.

“Jarvis,” Steve said, setting down Bucky’s weapons. “What’s Tony’s ETA?”

“Mr. Stark should be back at the tower in about 30 minutes,” Jarvis replied. “I also should tell you that as soon as Mr. Barnes left the stairwell, I was able to regain access to that area but my access to the common area was gone the moment Mr. Barnes entered.”

Steve huffed and shook his head. “Bucky, first let’s start with not disrupting Jarvis. If you’re gonna stay we need Tony to agree to it and messing with Jarvis is not the way to get on his good side.”

Valerie walked into the kitchen from the living room, putting her phone back in her pocket. “Tony is on his way and he know’s that Bucky is messing with Jarvis. He’s really not happy about it.”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably, but he made no move to stop interfering with Jarvis. Steve and Valerie just stared at him, waiting for him to do something but nothing came. Finally Valerie sat next to him.

“If you want us to help you, you’re going to have to trust us a little,” She said, mindful to keep her voice even and kind, not touching his at all.

Bucky considered her words for a moment, his body so rigid Valerie thought he looked like he’d shatter if touched. Steve took a step towards Bucky, a comforting hand outstretched. Bucky’s eyes darted to Steve and Valerie jerked her head side to side in a absolutely-not-abort-mission kind of way. Thankfully, Steve picked up on this and dropped his hand.

“Valerie’s right, Buck,” Steve sighed. “Help us help you.”

Bucky looked to Steve and then Valerie, before giving a curt nod and pulling out some kind of device that looked out of a sci-fi movie to Valerie, and flicking a switch.

“I now have access to the common area kitchen,” Jarvis said. “Mr. Stark is also 15 minutes away.”

“I shouldn’t be here,” Bucky murmured.

“Why not?” Valerie asked.

Bucky’s jaw clenched and his breathing became deep and measured. Whirling came from his metal arm as his balled his fist. It should have been terrifying - Valerie hadn’t been able to forget just how broken Steve looked when he had been pulled out of the river. Yet she knew he wouldn’t hurt her.

“Is there a specific reason you shouldn’t be here?” she asked. Again, he didn’t answer.

“Bucky, we need some answers. Tony is-” Steve began to plead but Bucky interrupted.

“I killed Howard and his wife,” Bucky said lowly, staring at the counter. Valerie’s forehead creased in confusion. She didn’t know who those people were, but from Steve face she could tell it was bad. As soon as the words left Bucky’s mouth, the color drained from Steve’s face. His mouth opened and closed stupidly as he looked for anything so say. After a moment, Steve finally found his voice.

“You didn’t have a choice, Bucky.”

“I still did it.”

“You wouldn’t have done that if you were in your right mind,” Steve comforted, but Bucky just shook his head.

“I shouldn't’ have come here,” Bucky muttered.

“But you did,” Valerie said firmly. “You came here to ask for help and we want to do that Bucky.”

“You two want to help, but is Stark really going to want to help the guy who murdered his parents?” Bucky asked pointedly.

“What did you just say?” a voice asked from behind Steve and Valerie. They both whipped around to see Tony standing in the middle of the room in his Iron Man suit. His mask flipped up and he was glaring so intensely at Bucky, Valerie was sure he would set on fire if Tony didn’t look away.

“Tony-” Steve started but was silenced when Tony turned his gaze on him.

“Did you know he killed my mom,” Tony said, lowly.

“No, I didn’t,” Steve said quickly. “I didn’t know and I’m sure that when Bucky did it he didn’t know either.”

All three of them turned to Bucky who was just staring blankly at the floor.

“Hey! Now’s a great time to start talking, Manchurian Candidate,” Tony barked.

“I’m sorry…” Bucky said softly, not looking up.

“You’re sorry? Is that all you have to say?” Tony yelled. He rushed forward and Valerie stepped in front of Tony. “Get out of here Valerie, I’ll hurt you if you get in the way.”

“Tony, he wasn’t in his right mind,” Steve yelled. “And Valerie has nothing to do with this.”

Tony was seething. He flipped his mask back down and lifted his hand up, a whirling noise came from it and the light in his palm got brighter. Valerei pushed his arm away from its target right as it shot a beam of light. A hole was in the wall and Tony roared.

“Tony, stop!” Valerie yelled as Steve shouted at her to leave. Bucky was still seated at the table, looking completely unfazed. “Tony, don’t hurt him!”

“Why? He killed my mom and all he has to say for himself is sorry,” Tony spat.

“I know, and I can’t imagine what you’re feeling but hurting him won’t bring her back,” Valerie pleaded.

“Why is he here?” Tony asked though clenched teeth.

“He came for help,” Steve said.

“I told him to come if he needed help,” Valerie said. “He wants to make up for what he’s done.”

Tony scoffed. “Really? Is that what you want, Barnes. To go around to everyone you hurt and give out some half-assed apology and then rot away in some super max prison? Becasue that’s what’s coming for you. I’m gonna make sure of it.”

Bucky finally looked up and with the saddest eyes Valerie had ever seen said to her and Steve, “I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry.”

In a fraction of a second, Bucky grabbed his weapons from the table and unscrewed the hilt. A small ball can rolling out and in a flash, a dense fog filled the air. Valerie couldn’t see anything but felt large metal hands push her to the ground and heavy footfalls rushing away. Her eyes watered as she tried to wave away the smoke. She stood slowly and reached out her hands to feel her way to Steve, if he was even still there. A few steps in she hit the kitchen counter.

“Steve!” she called out.

“I’m right here, Val,” he replied and a moment later Steve’s large hand reached through the smoke to pull her through. In a moment, they were in the stairwell again breathing the fresh air. The two just leaned against the wall in silence as Jarvis filtered out the smoke. Valerie tried to strain her ears to hear any sign of Bucky or Tony, but they were both gone. She was trying hard to not look at Steve, she could already tell how he was feeling through their mark. Devastation and longing like she had never felt crept from his name, encasing her heart in a deep sadness so thick molassas seemed as thin as water. She looked up at him, as silent tears poured down his face.

“Steve…” she whispered, but he just shook his head.

“He was right here, Valerie,” Steve gasped. “He was right here, wanting my help and Tony chased him away.”

“I’m so sorry, Steve,” Valerie cried. He just looked at her eyes wide and watery. She racked her brain to find the right thing to say, anything to make that beaten puppy dog look on his face go away but what is there to say? How do you comfort someone when the love of their life is so close and yet so far beyond their reach? Valerie decided the universe had the most fucked up sense of humor.

“How was I supposed to know they made him kill Tony’s parents? I never would have kept him here if I had known,” Steve sobbed. He buried his head in his hands and sank to the ground. Valerie wrapped her arms around him and held him as he cried for his soulmate.

They sat like that well past soreness stiffened Valerie’s knees and Steve’s tears dried up. THe two just sat huddled together until the door swung open and metal footsteps came culomping in. Tony stood in front of them, glaring down in distrust.

“Did you know?” he asked.

“Tony,” Valerie started but Tony was determined to get his answer. He pushed Valerie off of Steve and grabbed the other man by the collar, shoving him against the wall.

“Did you know?” He repeated. Steve looked past Tony, his voice came small and scratchy from crying.

“No.”

“Did you know he was coming here?” Tony asked.

“No.”

“Why was he here?” Steve didn’t answer. Tony shoved him against the wall for a second time. “Steve!”

“I told him to come here!” Valerie yelled, the shock of Tony’s abruptness finally abetting. “When he pulled Steve from the river, I was there and told him to come here when he wanted to get help.”

Tony turned to Valerie and let go of Steve. His face was red and his gaze made Valerie want to curl up and die.

“I’m not helping him with anything,” Tony spat. WIth that he turned and went back into the tower.

Valerie let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding as soon as the door slammed shut.

“Steve,” she whimpered, though she didn’t know what to say.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, his gaze still far off.

“Yeah,” she said. “Are you?”

“Bucky needs help. I have work to do,” Steve said. He pushed himself off the wall and walked into the tower without sparing Valerie a glance. He left her alone to her thoughts and finally Valerie sank to the ground herself, tears streaming down her face.

Chapter 13

tags

@izhetttttt

#stucky #stucky x reader #stucky x oc #soulmate!steve rogers #soulmate!bucky barnes #soulmate au #also on ao3 #howtochoose #Fluff and angst #slow burn #slight canon divergence #angst #fluf

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 3 years ago

Photo

We need to be a lighthouse!

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 3 years ago

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How To Choose

Story Summary

Masterlist

Author’s Note

Hey all! This is a little later than I thought it would be, but I couldn't really figure out what I wanted to happen with this chapter. Though once I figured it out I couldn't stop writing, so it's a little long. I hope you're all doing well and again thanks for reading. Enjoy the new chapter!

Chapter 10

It was a bright October day in New York City. The leaves had begun to change colors, and Valerie could feel the crunch of fallen leaves beneath her feet as she walked to her third session with Dr. Julia Johansson, a therapist Sam helped her find when she moved back into Avenger’s Tower. It had been two weeks since Steve woke up and told Valerie he wanted her, and she hasn’t seen or talked to him since. Valerie took Sam’s words to heart and decided that it was time to actually process what was happening to her. Writing letters to people who couldn’t read them just wouldn’t cut it anymore.

The commute to the doctor’s office was just two subway stops and a three-block walk away, and Valerie always used it to think about what she walked to discuss in her session. The first session had Valerie’s stomach in knots – she had never been to therapy before since therapy, in her mother’s words, was for people who couldn’t handle life properly. It was a surprise to Valerie when she learned that Dr. Johansson had patients who came to her for things as small as just needing to vent about life. When Valerie told Dr. Johansson about her situation, she let out a low whistle and said “Yeah, you need a therapist girlie.”

Dr. Julia Johansson’s office had vines of plants growing both on the outside of the building and all over the walls of her office. The furniture was plush, and it was all Valerie could do to stop herself from sinking into her seat for a nap and the constant smell of lilac candles burning did little to help. It was the calmest place Valerie had been in since coming to this new world, maybe ever. Every session would put her to sleep if Valerie’s therapist hadn’t been in stark opposition to her office. Dr. Johansson always dressed in bright vibrant colors of yellow and orange that complimented her dark skin well and Valerie couldn’t help but think that she alone was enough to provide her many office plants with sunlight. Her voice was melodic, but she had an aura that captivated anyone within a mile of her.

Valerie wasn’t waiting long before Dr. Johansson opened the door connecting the waiting room to her office. Today she wore a dress with a bright yellow and purple flower print that made her look like she was glowing. The doctor smiled brightly at Valerie before calling her back into her office. Valerie sunk right into her chair that sat across from Dr. Johansson’s own plush olive-green chair.

“Hello, Valerie,” the doctor said, “How are you doing today?”

“I’m alright, how are you?”

“I’m doing well,” she said and waited a moment for Valerie to speak. When she didn’t the doctor continued, “Have you begun applying to different schools in the area?”

“Yeah, I’ve applied to a few different places, but October is a bit of an awkward time to apply for teaching positions. Not many teachers leave at this point in the year,” Valerie said. Dr. Johansson nodded.

“I imagine not, but it’s good to get back to living life. Plus, something could open up for next semester, or you can get something lined up for next year,” she said. At that, Valerie shifted in her seat, her eyes closed, and ran her hands through her hair.

“If I’m here a year from now, I think I might go insane,” Valerie sighed.

“After everything that’s happened to you, if you haven’t gone crazy yet, I don’t think there’s much that could turn you,” Dr. Johansson said with an easy smile. Valerie took a deep breath and nodded.

“Have you talked to Steve yet,” she asked. Valerie gave a humorless laugh.

“He’s the one thing that might actually drive me crazy,” Valerie muttered

Steve was released from the hospital two days after he woke up, though from what Valerie heard, he wanted to leave as soon as he heard Valerie had left for New York just two hours after their talk. He stayed in D.C. for the rest of the week to try up some loose ends, but the day after he woke up, Steve began his attempts to show his affection towards Valerie. Last week, she would wake up every morning to a knock on the door from a delivery person holding a bouquet of flowers and a note from her soulmate. He would also try calling every day, but once Valerie threatened to block him if he continued to call her about anything that wasn’t an emergency or related to getting her home. Steve moved back into the tower at the beginning of this week and the daily flowers were now delivered by Steve himself and the notes were now handwritten. At this point, Valerie’s living room and kitchen looked like a flower shop and her garbage looked like a graveyard for dead flowers.

“It’s not that I don’t want someone to write me handwritten notes and flowers and someone to talk to every day, but this feels excessive,” Valerie said.

“Have you told him this,” she asked.

“No, I could feel how sad he was when I told him to stop calling me,” Valerie sighed. “He didn’t look sad, but I could feel him feeling rejected and it was just… sad. I don’t know, I’ve tried to talk but every time I look at him, I just remember that he wants me and I’m not sure how to face him without feeling like I’m rejecting him constantly.”

Dr. Johansson considered Valerie’s words carefully, she looks Valerie with a thoughtful gaze that almost made Valerie uncomfortable. The silence stretched out for a minute before the doctor spoke again.

“Why do you feel so bad rejecting him?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just feel bad. He went from thinking our other soulmate is dead, to waking up 70 years in the future, thinking I was dead and any chance at being with his soulmates was impossible. Pretty much all of that has changed for him in a really short amount of time in really weird and traumatic ways. I just don’t want to add to that,” Valerie said, and Dr. Johansson nodded

“I’ve asked you before if you want to be with Steve, and every time you answered that you can’t be. Can I ask why?”

“I don’t want to be forced to choose between my life and Steve when the time comes for me to go home. Getting me home has been stalled for a bit because of everything that happened in D.C. but it’s starting up again and I just can’t put myself in that position. Plus, Steve wants Bucky, he doesn’t want me,” Valerie said. The doctor raised her eyebrows at Valerie’s last statement.

“Why do you think he doesn’t want you?”

Valerie let out a huff. It seemed so obvious to her, but she’s said the same thing to Sam who was also confused by Valerie.

“He only says he wants me because Bucky is alive, and he can fulfill his promise to Bucky that they made during the war that we’d all be together and that they’d provide for me or whatever. He doesn’t want me because of anything I’ve done to make him attracted to me,” Valerie said hotly.

“Does he reference this promise in his notes,” Dr. Johansson asked in a tone meant to calm Valerie down.

“I haven’t read the notes since the first one which was just an apology for his forwardness but that he meant what he said and would do his best to show me that we belong together,” Valerie said dragging her hand down her face. Honestly, the conversation was waning on her patience – Why would she want to be with someone who didn’t actually want her?

“You might want to read the notes before jumping to conclusions like that. It’s possible he’s just beginning to say what’s been on his mind since he realized you two were soulmates,” she said, Valerie just rolled her eyes. The doctor raised her hands up in a ‘just-saying’ gesture before continuing.

“Look, Sam was right when he told you that soulmates don’t have to be together, and not wanting to put yourself in the position of having to choose between your soulmates and your home is completely understandable. But I think you might want to think about why you say you can’t have Steve instead of you don’t want Steve. If Steve was in your world and you didn’t know that the two of you were soulmates, would his behavior come across differently?”

“It would still be creepy considering there was a good chance I was about to get engaged,” Valerie said.

“I thought you weren’t ready for Matt to propose,” Dr. Johansson said, tilting her head to the side.

“I wasn’t, but literally everyone would expect me to say yes. My life has been planned out and part of the plan was to be married by 25. Considering I’m 23 now, not agreeing to marry Matt right now would make hitting that milestone really difficult,” Valerie said simply.

“Why do you need to be married by 25?”

“Everyone in my family is married by 25. Both set of grandparents were married by 20, my aunts and uncles were all married in their early 20s, my parents were married by 22, and my brother married his wife when they were both 24. If anything, I was late by wanting to wait by 25.”

“Soc, if you had found that ring a year or two from now, would you have been excited,” Dr. Johansson asked. Valerie paused. She hadn’t thought about it, but she pictured Matt getting down on one knee at next year’s family reunion or on their sixth anniversary. The image made a lump form in her stomach, one that was even bigger than the one that formed when she found the ring all those weeks ago.

“Honestly, no, probably not. But I would have said yes anytime because I would have felt like it was what I was supposed to do,” Valerie said.

“Valerie, you have control over what you want for yourself,” Dr. Johansson said, leaning forward and staring intently at Valerie. “You don’t have to follow the same path as the rest of your family or the one that you think they want you to follow. The same goes for Steve. If you don’t want to be with him or stay here, that’s fine but make sure it’s a choice you know you want and not the choice you think is the one that’s expected of you.”

Valerie just looked at her hands and let the words flow over her. She knew she shouldn’t, but she had been told her entire life by her parents, teachers, and friends that her life was supposed to be. Until she found that ring, she never really felt like she needed to question that plan, but now she was in a different universe and her life was gone. Her thoughts were disrupted by Dr. Johansson leaning back in her chair and telling her their time was up.

“What I think you should do before we see each other next week is to talk to Steve about the flowers and to start to think about what you actually want your life to be,” Dr. Johansson said. Valerie nodded, set up her next appointment, and left the therapist’s office with plenty to think about.

Valerie’s commute back to the tower felt quicker than normal, though it wasn’t surprising since Valerie was determined to talk to Steve about the flowers as soon as she got back. She didn’t know what exactly she wanted for her entire life, but she knew one thing for sure – the daily flowers needed to stop. Valerie thought out exactly what she wanted to say by the time she reached the subway and rehearsed it the rest of the way home. She was in such deep concentration that she didn’t even notice people around her giving her a wider birth and shooting nervous glances her way.

When she reached the tower, she marched through the lobby and into the elevator where she recited her speech out loud the entire way up. The door dinged and Valerie took a breath before stepping out to see Seve sitting on a black leather chair in the living room facing the elevator. He was pretending to read a copy of the New York Times, just like he did every time Valerie came back from leaving the tower. His eyes never moved across the page, but they would shoot up when Valerie entered the open common area. Normally, Valerie pretended to ignore this and would walk straight to her apartment, with Steve following trying to strike up a conversation. This time, however, she marched across the foyer into the living room with a determined look on her face that had Steve looking sheepish. Good, she thought to herself, he should be nervous.

“We need to talk,” Valerie said, surprising herself with how unwavering it sounded. Steve looked up at her still with that sheepish look on his face but put the paper down and nodded.

“You need to stop sending me flowers and letters, my apartment looks like a floral shop at this point. I also feel uncomfortable with the notes, so please stop with those too,” Valerie said. Her arms were crossed but she could feel them shaking. Steve didn’t say anything for a moment, he just looked at her, his eyes slightly wide. She hadn’t voiced many opinions since she stepped into his world beyond just wanting to get home, and this was definitely a nice change.

“Okay, I’ll stop,” Steve said simply, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but I hope you know I meant every word I wrote.”

Valerie looked away her cheeks turning pink.

“You didn’t read them, did you,” Steve asked, but it was clear he knew. Valerie could feel her ears go warm and a wave of disappointment coming from Steve’s name. Steve let out a sigh and stood from his chair. Valerie stood about three feet in front of him, but the look Steve gave her made the space between them feel more like three inches. His blue eyes looked into hers like they were able to see right into her mind and know exactly what she was thinking. Valerie did her best to repress the shiver that went down her spine – his eyes were the prettiest blue she’d ever seen and the disappointment that was evident in them broke her heart a bit.

“Why are you so against giving our connection a chance, Valerie,” Steve asked softly.

“I have a boy-“ Valerie began slowly, but Steve cut her off.

“No, Val, you said when you woke up after getting here that you got scared when you saw that he was proposing and every time you say that you want to get home to Matt you feel guilty. You’re not as good at keeping your emotions away from me as you think,” Steve said, his tone getting sharper as he went on. “I don’t get why you’re so against trying to even talk to me, but I know for sure the reason isn’t Matt so please stop lying to me.”

Valerie crossed her arms tighter around herself – she wasn’t expecting to have this conversation right now. His face was laced with hurt and annoyance and it was too intense for Valerie to take head-on. She turned her head and looked out the window to collect herself. The tower was so high up if the city skyline hadn’t been in the way, she was sure she could nearly see the curvature of the earth. The sun was setting, and the sky was shades of orange and blue, and yellow. Valerie could see birds flying south for the winter, she wished she could join them right now.

Steve let out a huff and went to walk away, muttering to let him know when she was ready to talk. It pulled her out of her thoughts, and she looked after him as he walked down the hallway. Guilt poured over her like a bucket of cold water and for the first time, she didn’t try to hold it back from Steve. Something in her told her to follow him, but she couldn’t get her feet to move. Instead, she sat in the chair Steve occupied just moments earlier. It was still warm, and Valerie allowed herself to imagine that he was holding her in his arms while she thought about what she would want to say to him if she had followed him.

The three days came and went and there were no knocks on Valerie’s apartment door or flowers and handwritten notes from Steve. Valerie sat at her kitchen table surrounded by wilting flowers and found herself disappointed that he didn’t ignore her request. She looked around at the plethora of roses, daisies, tulips and all the other kinds Valerie couldn’t name and realized that she never thought of throwing them away. She stood and looked for the first bunch Steve had sent her. It was a dozen red roses tied together with his note placed delicately in the middle. She found them behind some daisies and felt her heart sink when she saw they were depleted of any color, and most of the petals had fallen to the ground. Valerie stared at the roses before shaking her head.

“No Valerie, this is what you wanted, you can’t be disappointed that he did what you asked,” she said to herself. But she couldn’t help but think she was wrong.

Valerie ran her hands through her hair, looked down at her coffee table, and saw the box that she had been putting all of Steve’s letters in. She had never allowed herself to read them, she had even convinced herself that she wasn’t curious, but now she couldn’t help herself. There were twelve letters she hadn’t read, and her hands seemed to more of their own accord as they pulled them all out. She sat on the couch and read through each of them. The first five were just him telling her what he was doing in D.C., how his recovery was going, and how he couldn’t wait to see her again, the fourth letter also had an apology for calling so much.

The letter that had stood out the most was the first letter he hand-delivered. It was the longest one so far, his sharp handwriting taking up the front of the page and part of the back. It read:

Dear Valerie,

Today is the first day I’ll be giving you your flowers and letter in person. I don’t know if you’ve been reading these or not, though I hope you are because I don’t know how else to talk to you. I understand why you’re so determined to go home – if there had been a way for me to go back to 1940 when I got out of the ice, I would have done whatever I needed to do to go back. But now I know that I had to go through all of that to not only save Bucky but to get to you. I don’t know if we’ll get you home or not, but I meant it when I said I’d do what I can to help you.

I also meant it when I said that I want you. You’re the most beautiful and courageous woman I’ve ever met. Your empathy and intelligence are unparalleled. Bucky would be over the moon if he got to meet you in his right mind. I don’t want to come in between what you and Matt have, but I can tell you don’t mean what you say when you talk about marrying him. I can feel your guilt through the mark. I don’t know why you feel like you have to lie or even if you know if you’re doing it, but whatever the reason, it’s okay.

I just want to know you. I want you in whatever capacity you’ll have me for as long or as short as you or the universe allows. You want to go home, I understand that and I don’t want to make you choose. If I’m lucky enough to have you, just know you never have to feel guilty for wanting to leave. I’ll cherish any amount of time we have together.

Do you remember when I woke up in the hospital after Shield fell? When you grabbed my hand? That was probably the happiest I’ve felt since Bucky fell. I don’t know, but I thought I felt you were happy too. I’m sorry that’s probably too much, but it’s how I felt, and Bucky always got on me for being too stoic. His words, not mine, but if he’s back I suppose I should work on that again.

Yours,

Steve

Valerie gripped the page, heat permeating her cheeks. She placed the letter down and immediately went for the next letter.

Dear Valerie,

Seeing you yesterday was the highlight of my week. I’d love to take you out on the town sometime. I don’t know how to dance, but I think something slow would work.

I’m settling into the tower fine enough, but Stark’s place is much more technologically advanced than I’m really ready for. The bright side is that he was able to get ahold of some of the Commando’s family who gave me some old photos of the guys. It was a nice gesture; I’d love to show you sometime.

Sam and I are about to really start looking for Bucky now that I’m back. Hopefully, we find him sooner rather than later and we can get this whole mess figured out. He doesn’t know it now, but he can’t wait to meet you.

Yours,

Steve

Valerie slowly put down the letter and ran her hands through her hair. Steve asked her out and she said nothing. He never gave anything away that indicated that he knew she wasn’t reading the letters, but he had to have known. Right?

She shook her head and went for the next letter.

My dear Valerie,

I suppose you aren’t reading these letters, I figured you would have said something to me yesterday afternoon when we saw each other in the living room. That’s okay though, read these when you’re read to. They’ll be here for you to help you understand how I’m feeling if you decide you want to give our connection a chance. Or you can talk to me, but I have a feeling you don’t like talking about your feelings. So, I guess I’ll just use these to tell you how I feel about you.

You make me feel like there’s a chance for a normal life. When you smiled at me when I woke up, it felt like the sun had come out after days of clouds and rain. When you told me you were worried when I didn’t call you when everything was happening in D.C. I felt the same as I did when Bucky would worry about me when I got into fights with guys three times my size – like someone cared about me. When I see you trying to get your life back to some semblance of normal, I feel a sense of pride that I don’t think I’ve ever felt about someone before. You’re so strong, Val, it’s truly a wonder to witness it. I know you’ll get a job in no time, and those kids won’t know how lucky they are to have a person like you in their lives.

I heard you were going to therapy, I’m glad you’ll have someone to talk to. I hope I can be someone you talk to someday, but I understand if that’s too much. I hope he or she is helping you cope with what you’re going through.

Yours,

Steve

Valerie slouched into the couch and took a moment to digest what she had just read. No one had said anything even remotely close to what Steve had ever. Matt had never compared her to the sun or told her she was strong. She couldn’t even remember a time when he told her that he was proud of her. It had also just dawned on Valerie that Matt had never sent her flowers. Valerie stood from her seat, and walked out of her apartment, her thoughts swimming through her head. It felt so strange to be so disappointed that Steve didn’t ignore her request to not write her letters or flowers. And when Steve left her in the living room, she had never felt an emptiness that she’d never experienced before – like she was a glass jar Steve could see right through. To be completely honest, she didn’t remember much of what she said and to who on her first day in this new world. Valerie couldn’t stop thinking about the letters and what Steve said the night before. No one had tried so hard to get her attention before.

She had the intention of going outside but she wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going. She wandered out of the elevator and didn’t look at the button she pushed to make the elevator move. When the ding came signaling that she’d arrived at the floor she had chosen, Valerie fully expected to walk into the common room. Instead, she walked into a hallway that looked exactly like the hallway she had just left. Confused she asked Jarvis, “I thought I left my floor?”

“You did, Ms. Jones,” the AI answered, “You are on Captain Roger’s floor.”

Valerie’s brows shot up in surprise; that was the last place she expected to find herself in. As she turned to leave, the door across from her opened and Steve stood in front of her with a concerned look on his face.

“Valerie? Jarvis just told me you were out here, are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m just…” Valerie stammered, not sure what to say. How do you say you wandered aimlessly through an elevator? Valerie could feel heat rise in her cheeks as Steve looked at her, confusion growing on his features.

“Did - Do you need to talk to me,” Steve asked.

“I read your letters,” Valerie blurted out. As soon as the words left her mouth, Valerie’s lips locked together in a paper-thin line, her eyes going wide. Steve did his best to keep an expressionless face, though for a split second his mouth hung open.

“Okay, do you want to come in and talk about it,” Steve asked, stepping to the side to let her in.

Valerie’s first thought was to say no and turn around – to leave and just let what happened lie – but before she could act on that, her body betrayed her. Her feet seemed to move of their own accord and before she really registered what was going on, she found herself seated at Steve’s kitchen table, with Steve putting a kettle of water on the stove to make tea.

Valerie had never been in Steve’s apartment, but despite the different layout, it was more or less the same as the one he had in D.C. The décor was bare bones and resembled a nice hotel suite. The only difference Valerie could see was the photos of the Howling Commandos and Bucky that hung on the living room wall. Valerie even saw an old black and white photo of a pretty woman with an easy updo standing with her hand on the shoulder of a young scrawny boy in front of the Statue of Liberty. Valerie assumed that it was a photo of Steve and his mother, and she suddenly felt like the space was too intimate for her to be in. She tried to think of any kind of excuse to leave but she couldn’t find one that wasn’t rude or just an obvious ploy to leave.

Steve turned and sat at the table after a few moments. He took longer than it should to fill a kettle with water and turn the stove on, and Valerie knew that Steve must have been as nervous as she was for this conversation. The thought made her focus on his name and sure enough, she could feel slight anxiety flowing out of it. She took a breath.

“Why are you nervous,” she asked. Steve paused in the middle of settling in his seat, then he sat up straighter and look Valerie in the eye.

“I don’t know of anyone else who had to work this hard to get their soulmate to even talk about the fact that they’re soulmates. And Tony told me that you’ve asked him about breaking the connection, so you coming to me after our conversation the other day saying that you’ve read the letters makes me nervous,” Steve said, trying hard to keep his voice even, but Valerie caught the hurt that poked through when he started talking.

“It’s just…” Valerie started but she didn’t know where her sentence was going, didn’t know what it was she needed to say, but knew that she had something to say. “I don’t know what to think about any of this, Steve. I’ve never had anyone try so hard to get my attention, and I know what I said my first day here, but I’m still with Matt.”

Steve leaned forward, his arms resting on the table. He looked down when Valerie mentioned Matt, and Valerie could feel annoyance bubbling just under his name. He took a breath before looking up.

“Do you know what I feel from you when you bring up Matt? I feel nothing from you. Every time you talk about going home to marry him, I feel nothing. But whenever we have had an actual conversation, I can feel your longing. I can feel you holding yourself back, Valerie, and you don’t have to,” Steve said, his voice getting more passionate as he went on. Valerie just rolled her eyes.

“Did you mean what you wrote in those letters,” Valerie asked simply.

“Every word,”

“Then you meant it when you said you wouldn’t make me feel bad for wanting to go home – that you wouldn’t make me choose,” Valerie said, sharply. “Every single thing you’ve done and said in the past two weeks has made me feel like you’re setting me up to do just that! It isn’t fair or right-“

“It isn’t fair?!” Steve interrupted, his voice rising. “Do you think it’s fair of you to lie to me? To go around saying how much you want to go home and marry this guy who, by what you’ve told me, doesn’t do much to show his appreciation of you or your relationship.”

Valerie saw red at Steve’s words. She crossed her arms, her nails digging into her arm as she tried to calm herself, but Steve’s words cut too deep.

“You don’t know anything about mine and Matt’s relationship,” Valerie spat out.

Steve huffed and sat back in his chair, his hand running over his face. He closed his eyes for a moment and Valerie could feel him trying to keep his anger to himself.

“You’re right, I don’t,” Steve conceded, “I apologize.”

Valerie gave a curt nod and the two just sat across from each other in silence. The air was tense and neither knew exactly what to say to move past the moment. A minute or two later, the kettle whistled, and Steve jumped on the opportunity to walk away. He opened a cupboard and pulled down two white ceramic mugs and saucers and put a teabag in each. He poured the boiling water in the mugs and brought them over to the table, placing one in front of Valerie before sitting down.

“What kind of tea is this,” Valerie asked, breaking the silence.

“London fog,” Steve answered. They didn’t talk again for a moment, but it was more comfortable than before. Steve sighed before speaking again. “I’m sorry for yelling, I really don’t know how to navigate this.”

“Neither do I,” Valerie replied. “And I’m sorry for saying I lied about marrying Matt. I was scared and thought that if people knew I had someone waiting for me, they’d actually try to get me home. Everyone kept bringing up the fact that we were soulmates and I thought that they would think I was happy here.”

Steve nodded and Valerie tried to ignore the hurt that seeped out of his name.

“I’m sorry that you felt like no one would help you, I tried to make it understood that you wanted to go home. I really do want to help you,” Steve said.

“Yeah, I know,” Valerie sighed. She dipped her tea bag in and out of the mug before placing it on her saucer. She took a sip as Steve cleared his throat.

“So, you read the letters,” Steve said. “All of them?”

“Just the first half,” Valerie replied. Steve nodded and took a breath.

“I think we can both agree that neither of us knows how to handle this,” Steve began, looking down at his cup. “But we should try to find some way to talk to each other because this hasn’t been working at all.”

Valerie gave a humorless laugh, “No this has most definitely not been working.”

“Why don’t we just try to be friends,” Steve said, and Valerie took a moment to consider his words before nodding slowly.

“Yeah, being friends could work,” she said. And for the first time in weeks, Valerie felt content.

Chapter 11

tags

@izhetttttt

#Soulmate au #howtochoose #original female character #stucky x oc #stucky #slow burn #angst #also on ao3 #soulmate!steve rogers #soulmate!bucky barnes #slight canon divergence #fluff and angst

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 3 years ago

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How To Choose

Story Summary

Masterlist

Author's Note

Hey all! I hope everyone had a good and restful holiday season and that your new year is off to a good start. I got to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a while which was really nice and also partly why this chapter is late. I'm hoping to update a little more in the next few days since I have nothing going on until the spring semester starts up again at the end of the month. Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Chapter 9

Valerie sat in a tan chair in the sterile-smelling hospital room next to Steve, a news report showing a congressional hearing where Congresspeople were interrogating Natasha softly playing in the corner. The room was cold, and Valerie stared at Steve who was in a coma, wanting to hold his hand or climb under the blanket with him. Both felt equally inappropriate, but she couldn’t help the thought. Steve was so still, it made Valerie uncertain if he would wake up, despite the doctor’s reassurances. The cuts and bruises on Steve’s face had largely healed but Valerie had to restrain herself from worrying about them.

“Mind if I wait with you,” a voice called from the door. Valerie looked up from Steve’s face and saw Sam standing in the door with a speaker in hand. Valerie nodded and Sam took a seat on the other side of the bed.

“I heard you haven’t left his bedside,” Sam said, turning off the tv. Valerie shook her head. “Why not?”

“I didn’t want him to be alone,” Valerie said, quietly.

Sam nodded and pulled out his phone. In a moment, music flowed from the speaker and Sam sat back in his chair.

“I don’t want to push, but if you want to talk about what happened I’m here for you,” Sam said. Valerie looked up at him – he had a sympathetic look on his face, but it wasn’t patronizing. Valerie hadn’t seen Sam since he, Natasha, and Fury found her and Steve on the riverbank. There wasn’t time to check in with each other or anything, but she assumed Steve told him about their connection. Valerie gave him a small, fake smile.

“Thanks, Sam. I assume Steve told you about everything,” Valerie said, turning her gaze back to Steve’s face.

“If by everything you mean that you have a long-distance boyfriend who is not one of your soulmates, then yes he told me everything,” Sam said. Valerie closed her eyes and shook her head.

“That’s technically true I guess, but the term long-distance is doing a lot of heavy lifting. I’m from another dimension where soulmates don’t exist. I don’t know exactly how I got here, but it’s probably because of the convergence that happened last week.” Valerie said. Sam just sat there, his face giving nothing away. He took in the information for a moment, the only sound to be heard was the voice of Marvin Gay.

“So, you’re a long way from home,” Sam said. Valerie snorted.

“Yeah, to put it lightly,” Valerie said. “Also, I appreciate the first thing out of your mouth not being about how overwhelming it all must be or if I’m understanding the connection okay or whatever. I’m so tired of answering that question.”

Sam smirked. “I’m sure but if you want to talk about any of that, I’m available.”

“Thanks, Sam,” Valerie said.

“It must be hard though, having a boyfriend back home but having to deal with having soulmates here,” Sam said after a moment.

“Yeah, it’s not easy, but I just keep reminding myself that this is just a mix-up and that I’ll be home soon.”

“Do you want to be home?”

Valerie’s head whipped up and she gave him a look that was meaner than she meant it to be. His hands shot up and he shrugged.

“I’m just asking, you practically haven’t left his side since we found you guys and you’ve spent most of this conversation staring at the comatose guy than the guy talking to you.”

“Of course, I want to go home, my friends and family are there. My job is there, my boyfriend is there,” Valerie said. “I have a plan for how my life is supposed to go and abandoning it for a parallel universe is not an option.”

“Plans change, Valerie, and what if you can’t go home?”

“I don’t want to think about that,” Valerie said. Sam just nodded

“Tell me about your boyfriend,” Sam said. “What’s his name.”

“His name is Matt, he works at his dad’s business at the moment but he’s in law school,” Valerie said, her eyes trained on Sam.

“How did the two of you meet?”

“We met at a frat party our freshman year,” Valerie said. “We had a lot of mutual friends who all said that we would be good together, so he asked me out. We’ve been dating ever since.”

“Was the only reason he asked you out because your friends said you guys would be good together?” Sam asked.

“No…” she said, shortly.

“What did you guys talk about,” Sam asked.

“I don’t know – everything, nothing,” Valerie said. Sam nodded.

“Do you miss him,” Sam asked.

“I miss my life,” Valerie said, looking at Steve again. Valerie thought back to the ring she found the morning she left. Did she miss him? Short answer: She missed her life ergo she missed him. But truth be told, she just missed his predictability and her reaction to Steve’s near-death experience gave Valerie a lot to think about. She had never been so worried about a person before, though she had never known anyone to be in that kind of danger until that point. Still, she couldn’t help but feel like her feeling of worry could only be matched by those of a person whose partner was in a warzone or some other incredibly dangerous job. Valerie’s concern for a man she had only known for about a week was too high for it to not mean anything.

“That’s not what I asked,” Sam said.

“It’s complicated,” Valerie said.

“Why is it complicated,” Sam asked. Valerie sighed.

“The morning before I came here, I found a ring in our sock drawer, and it made me realize that I had just let this relationship happen to me for no real reason. I love Matt, but when I thought about marrying him it felt like I would be settling into a life that was expected of me and not one that I chose for myself,” Valerie said. “And now I’m here in a place where your significant other is chosen for you, and I’m just expected to go with that. I mean what’s the difference between doing what’s expected of me back home and doing what’s expected of me here? And what’s worse is that the connection between Steve and I makes it difficult to really think about what I want for myself.”

Sam nodded and leaned forward in his chair, considering his next words.

“Can I let you in on something,” Sam asked. Valerie nodded. “You don’t have to be with your soulmate and if you really don’t want to be with Steve you can break the connection. All you have to do is agree that you two wouldn’t work out and the connection is severed.”

Valerie’s eyes widened. This was not what she was expecting. She looked at Steve's face again and took in his still features. His black eye that was deep hues of black and blue was now yellow and the cuts on his cheeks and lips were nearly healed. They just needed to agree that they weren’t good together, they could do that. Valerie’s and Steve’s conversations tended to revolve around three things – getting Valerie home, making sure Valerie was comfortable, and Steve’s stories about Bucky. Steve didn’t seem concerned at all about their connection in her mind, and if he did, Bucky was back. Finding out Bucky was alive must have killed any interest in pursuing their connection in Steve’s mind, right?

“Nothing I’ve read has mentioned that, and everyone I’ve talked to has made it seem like it’s nearly impossible to break the connection,” Valerie whispered, turning away from Steve. “But if we just need to agree that we’re better off apart, why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Not many people try to break a connection before they’ve even given it a chance,” Sam said. “So, breaking the connection is conflated with extremely dysfunctional relationships.

“How do you know this?”

“There was a person in my unit who met their soulmate while on tour in Afghanistan. Their soulmate lived there and was committed to his work in gathering as many resources as he could for the villages in the area. The things he did put a target on his back and being the soulmate of a U.S. soldier would make it even bigger and put his soulmate in danger. They talked about it and agreed that it would be better if they went their separate ways and after a few weeks their names disappeared and they got new ones,” Sam said.

“They got new soulmates?” Valerie asked. Sam nodded.

“Yep, I don’t know if they ever found them or what, but they got new names. It was a complete surprise to everyone, especially my colleague,” Sam said. “I did some research on it and while it’s pretty rare, there have been cases of people amicably ending their soulmate connection and, in every case, recorded, they get new names.”

Valerie just sat back in her seat taking in the information. She could end her connection with Steve and do it fairly easily, but she would get a new name. Or names, she thought to herself.

“Did any of them have multiple names,” Valerie asked. Sam’s brows furrowed. “Did Steve not tell you about Bucky?”

“Bucky is Steve’s soulmate,” Sam said. “Is he yours too?”

“He is,” Valerie said.

“Well, damn,” Sam said. He sat back in his chair again. “Did you tell him you were his soulmate when you saw him?”

Valerie shook her head. “It didn’t seem like the time, or that he would even care. I mean, isn’t the only reason he didn’t kill Steve is that he kind of remembered that he knew him?”

“Yeah, probably,” Sam said. “Well, at the very least you can stop your connection with Steve if that’s what you want. Look I don’t know what the difference would be if you were to be with Steve and potentially Bucky versus if you were to be with Matt, but I do know that a person who doesn’t care about a person doesn’t spend literal days worrying about them when they don’t call or text when they say they will or get angry the way you do when they finally show up after being MIA.”

Valerie nodded and with that the two just sat in the room together waiting for Steve to wake up. Valerie kept looking at Steve's hand, fighting the urge to grab it, while Sam read some book she hadn’t heard of.

After about 20 minutes, Steve began to move, and he opened his eyes slightly to see Sam sitting to his left. He closed his eye again, listening to the song that was playing that he had never heard, and mumbled out, “On your left.”

Sam looked up from his book to see Steve still laying with his eyes closed and then looked up at Valerie who watched the whole thing. She was overjoyed that Steve woke up, her happiness bubbled out of her and poured out of her mark and into Steve. Steve turned his head to his right and opened his eyes ever so slightly to see Valerie smiling at him. He’d never seen her smile before and it reminded him of the sun with how much it lit up her face. It was infectious and made him smile as much as he could with how badly his face hurt.

“Val,” he mumbled, and he turned out his right hand for her to hold. Without thinking, Valerie took it and leaned on the bed to be closer. She looked into his half-lidded eyes and was immediately transfixed. She felt like they were in their own little world. She didn’t notice the music stop or Sam sneaking out to give the two some space.

“Shh, Steve, you’re hurt and need to rest,” Valerie said, squeezing his hand.

“Bucky’s alive,” he said. “He’s alive and he needs us, needs me.”

“I know Steve, Bucky pulled you from the water,” Valerie said. “I was on the riverbank when he pulled you out. I tried to get him to stay but all he said was that he needed to go.”

“I need to find him, Val, he needs help.”

“You will, but not before you recover,” Valerie said. Her hand found Steve’s and she squeezed. Steve gave her a small smile and she could feel his mark get warm with happiness.

“How’d you get out,” he asked.

“The guard Rumlow left to watch me really dropped the ball and let me get the best of him,” she said. “I hit him with my chair when his back was turned and ran out of the room. When he caught up to me, I broke his nose and ran. Eventually, I found an exit.”

Steve sat up a little straighter, his eyes darting over her. His grip around her hand tightened and she stroked his knuckles with her thumb to soothe his worry.

“You fought off a guy from the strike team? Are you hurt?” Valerie shook her head.

“I got away without a scratch,” she said.

“Maybe you should get some proper training, you could be a good agent if your getaway is anything to go by,” Steve said, smirking and settling back into bed. Valerie scoffed.

“I think I’ll stick to teaching, but maybe some self-defense wouldn’t be too bad,” she said.

“I’m sorry you went through this, Val,” Steve said. “I wanted to move you to a safe house as soon as we got away, but it was too dangerous.”

“It’s okay Steve, it all worked out. I’m just glad you’re okay,” she said. Steve took in her appearance. No scratches or bruising or cuts, but she looked at him with the same kind of caring look that Bucky gave him when he cared for Steve while he was sick. Steve still couldn’t believe he was holding her hand – it was so soft, and it just felt right. Steve tried to push aside his want to be with his soulmate, but he couldn’t help himself.

“I want you, Valerie,” he murmured so softly Valerie almost missed it. But his words sent a chill down her spine, and she stiffened in her seat. She pulled her hand back and clasped her hands tightly in her lap. Steve opened his mouth to speak, but she gave him a tight smile and stood from her chair.

“I should tell someone you’re awake,” Valerie said before walking out of the room, Steve calling after her.

Valerie ignored Sam’s calls as she passed him on the way to the nurses' station. She told the man at the desk that Steve was awake and turned back towards Sam. He looked her over, confused by her stiffness.

“You seem pretty tense for someone who was just smiling a few minutes ago,” he said. Valerie wrung her hands together to loosen them up.

“Steve needs to be looked over,” she said simply. Sam nodded.

“Are you going back? I’m sure Steve would be fine if you –“ Valerie interrupted him with a huff.

“He said he wanted me, Sam. What am I supposed to do with that? We talked about how this would go the day after I got here. He said he’d help me through this, and now he just wants to make this harder!” Valerie said, her voice rising with each word. A mean-looking nurse shushed her loudly and Sam quickly guided Valerie to a small waiting area down the hall.

“Val, I hear you, and you’re in a very difficult situation, but so is he,” Sam said, quietly. Valerie shook her head.

“I get that things with Bucky aren’t great right now, but he’ll get Bucky back. But if I allow any feeling at all to develop for Steve, then going home is going to be incredibly difficult. I have a plan for my life Sam, this is just a detour.” Valerie said in a panicked hurried voice. Sam let her vent, he stood in front of her with a look of understanding and kindness that made her heart slow just enough to stop her from hyperventilating. When she finished, she took a breath before speaking.

“Sam, I can’t have him,” Valerie choked out, tears welling in her eyes. Sam took a moment to consider her words.

“Valerie, you were thrown a curveball you weren’t prepared for, and then displaced from your home. You don’t have any ground under your feet,” he said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You haven’t had a moment to process all of this. You can’t expect yourself to decide if you want to pursue your connection yet, even if you had known about soulmates your entire life.”

Valerie’s tears fell freely at his words. She felt everything she had just gone through fall on her like an anvil and at that moment, she realized how much she missed her home. She missed her parents in the same way a child misses their parents on the first day of kindergarten. She felt so alone and all she could do was wrap her arms around Sam’s waist and cry. Sam wrapped his arms around his friend and squeezed, hoping she knew she had people in her corner.

Chapter ten

Tags: @izhetttttt

#Stucky #soulmate au #angst #stucky x oc #original female character #slow burn #eventual smut #also on ao3 #HowToChoose #Soulmate!Steve Rogers #Soulmate!Bucky Barnes #slight canon divergence

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 4 years ago

Note

Can you please please tag me in the next How to Choose chapters? 🥺

For sure! Thanks for reading 💖

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 4 years ago

Text

How To Choose

Story Summary

Masterlist

Author’s Note

Hey all! Thank you so much for reading and for all of the likes and reblogs! I’m having so much fun writing this and your engagment only makes it better. Sorry for the delay in posts, I’m going into finals and homework is kicking my ass. Again, thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Eight

At SHIELD headquarters, Valerie was sitting in a gray interrogation room. Rumlow had told her she was needed for questioning but that was hours ago. At least, she assumed it had been hours; there was no window or clock to tell how long it had been. Valerie felt as though she might go crazy without any way to pass the time. Earlier she tried to walk out of the room to see what was going on, but she was locked in. The cinderblock walls had nothing on them, not even a two-way mirror that was so common in cop shows she used to watch. If there was a camera, Valerie couldn’t see it.

The click of the lock startled Valerie from her thoughts, and an old blond man in a gray three-piece suit walked in. He had an entourage of thugs dressed in black follow him including Rumlow. The man sat in the chair across from Valerie, striking blue eyes never leaving hers.

“You know, there’s no record of you from before just a week ago,” The man said after a moment. Valerie didn’t know what to say to that. She figured that if SHIELD was compromised, the people investigating those who found out about it would be bad, but her relocation was SHIELD approved. Right?

“In fact, there’s more record of a baby girl of the same name who was born just three days ago. No birth certificate, school record, not even any facial recognition. Just that Tony Stark did a background check on you and that you moved into the same apartment building as Steve Rogers just a day before Nick Fury was murdered,” he said.

“I’m sorry, who are you,” Valerie said. She wanted more to say but she knew absolutely nothing about what was happening beyond the basics of Steve, Natasha, and Sam’s plan, which she wanted to hold off talking about for as long as possible.

“My apologies, I’m Alexander Pierce, I’m acting director of SHIELD.” Valerie nodded and folded her arms across her stomach. Pierce continued. “Actually, there is more on you. There were fake birth certificates, school records, and teaching credentials being made at the authorization of Nick Fury, but I guess those stopped when he died.”

Valerie suddenly felt cold, and her mind raced for some sort of explanation. She didn’t want to tell this man the truth, but the group of thugs paired with this clearly powerful man was so intimidating it was as if her mind had reduced to a puddle. She took a deep breath.

“I had a weird and very secluded upbringing. My parents didn’t trust public institutions, so they didn’t enroll me in school and my mom gave birth to me at home,” Valerie said, remembering some anecdote her mentor teacher from student teaching told her about a previous student who’s extremely religious family kept her from the secular world until the girl ran away. Pierce did not look convinced. “I never met Nick Fury before I found him shot in Steve’s apartment.”

“Then why did he,” he asked.

“I never met Nick Fury, so I really don’t know.”

Pierce stared at her with squinted eyes. “Why were you in Sam Wilson’s house today?”

“We made plans for this afternoon; I was there to pick him up. He obviously wasn’t there.”

“Do you know Steve Rogers,” Pierce asked.

“I know of him. I saw him once when I ran to see what happened after hearing gunshots,” Valerie said, her voice surprising her in how even it was.

Pierce took a moment to consider her. He sat back in his seat and took in the woman before him. His face was stoic and unreadable. Valerie had no clue if she convinced him enough to let her go.

“I must confess I lied earlier,” Pierce said. “There’s more in your file. It said that you are Captain Roger’s soulmate and that you appeared in Tony Stark’s living room from another dimension.”

Valerie felt she might puke as soon as those words left his mouth. Her mouth opened and closed stupidly; she really didn’t know what to do.

“Why lie to me, Ms. Jones, have you seen Rogers? What has he told you,” Pierce asked leaning forward, his elbows on the table.

“Nothing, he’s told me nothing, I haven’t seen him,” Valerie said. She looked around at the five men standing around the room. They were increasingly looking meaner and meaner and seemed to be slowly forming themselves in a circle around the table.

“Don’t worry about them, Ms. Jones, they’re just here to keep you company while I go deal with some other business. I’ll talk to you later and I suggest you figure out how to be honest.” With that, Peirce stood and left the room and the men stared at her with an intensity that made her want to tunnel into the tile floor.

“Why am I being kept in here with you all,” Valerie asked, turning to Rumlow.

“You haven’t been discredited as a threat yet,” he said looking at his phone.

“I’m literally a high school teacher out of her own dimension, I don’t have any special training or powers or anything,” Valerie says exasperated. “I can’t do anything to any of you.”

“You’re Steve Roger’s soulmate, you may not be able to do anything, but he can do a lot,” Rumlow said taking a seat.

Valerie ran her hands through her hair, seriously regretting not staying in gymnastics or the karate class her parents enrolled her in when she was six. She was helpless with no way to get help. She suddenly got the urge to just annoy the shit out of the man in front of her. Valerie began to bounce her knee and sigh loudly. Then she started tapping her nails on the metal table which reverberated off the cinderblock walls.

“Knock it off,” Rumlow said after five minutes of Valerie’s efforts.

“I’m sorry this is just such a stressful situation for me and as we’ve both pointed out, I can’t do anything about it,” Valerie sighed sardonically. “This situation alone would be terrible for me but to be surrounded by five huge men? I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Well, stop doing all of that,” Rumlow said. “What? Since you can’t do anything, you decide to annoy us all? What’s that going to get you beyond tempting me to teach you how to act?”

Valerie’s leg faltered; she’d never been talked to like that before. She took a breath, and her leg began to bounce. “Are you threatening me? I didn’t realize SHIELD was okay with brutality when interrogating people.”

“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about SHIELD, princess,” Rumlow said, standing from his seat and walking behind Valerie. He stood right behind her and leaned down until his face was right next to hers. “You keep this behavior up and you see how brutal I can be.”

Valerie’s breath caught in her throat, and she looked to the other men in the room. None of them seemed the least bit phased by Rumlow’s actions. In fact, some of them even seemed excited for the prospect of Rumlow showing her how brutal he could be. She crossed her legs and pulled her arms into her lap.

“You said that I was under arrest,” Valerie said carefully. “But I haven’t been told what I’ve been arrested for.”

Rumlow scoffed and walked back in front of her. He rolled his eyes and pulled his phone out to send a text to someone. He was so uncaring, so lackadaisical, it was infuriating. Valerie glared at him, trying to will him with her stare to take her seriously and to give her an answer but he just sat back in his seat. He slouched in the metal chair and glared right back at her.

“You really think that we were going to leave you alone? You’re the soulmate of the number one fugitive from SHIELD. Not only that, but you were also found in the house of one of his accomplices and you have zero record past a week ago but claim to be from another dimension,” Rumlow finally said. “No, we weren’t going to leave you out of this. Any one of those things would have put you on our radar. Are you really from a different dimension?”

Before Valerie could answer, a voice came over the intercom. Valerie felt like crying when she heard Steve talk, he was here and that meant that she was getting out. She couldn’t even pay attention to his words, she just reveled in the increasingly pissed off mugs the men were sporting. When Steve finished speaking, Valerie sat back in her seat and watched as Rumlow barked orders at the men.

“You two are coming with me to the control center, you two head to the hanger and provide support for the Asset. We cannot let that relic get in the way of HYRDA’s mission,” Rumlow said, pulling Valerie from her smug thoughts. The pit in her stomach reared its anxious head and Valerie was struck with the memory of the girl she tutored in college who loved Marvel movies.

“How was your birthday party, Mariah,” Valerie asked.

“Oh my god, it was so fun, Valerie, I had my party at the movie theater,” Mariah squealed, her curly hair bouncing as if it was excited too. “You should go see The Winter Soldier, it’s so good and they brought back Bucky!”

Valerie smiled at her. “I’m glad you had a good time, let’s get started on this book report.”

“No, I wanna talk about the movie! I mean how can I not – HYDRA has just been growing within SHIELD this entire time and they’ve been using Bucky as the Winter Soldier to advance their… oops that was kinda a big spoiler.” Mariah said.

“Mar don’t worry about it. I’m not a huge superhero fan.” Mariah’s eyes got wide, and she started to speak quickly.

“But you have to see this one! Bucky has been tortured and brainwashed by HYDRA for decades and now he’s free and Steve gets his best friend back! I think they’re more than friends though, so this is really big!” Mariah said. Valerie just shook her head.

“I’m sure it’s great and I’ll be sure to go see it sometime,” Valerie said.

Valerie never saw the movie and she completely forgot about that conversation until this moment. HYDRA had Bucky, was currently torturing him, and she was surrounded by men who at the very least supported HYDRA and at worst helped to torture Bucky. It was not a comforting thought at all. Valerie took a deep breath and tried to find some positives. Steve would survive, and he would probably get Bucky back. That was good right?

Valerie looked around the men were still listening to Rumlow who told the fifth man to stay with Valerie.

“Let’s move out,” Rumlow said, and he and four men left the room. The last man was smaller than the rest, but he was still incredibly fit, and his stare was the meanest. She needed to get out of this room, to get somewhere relatively safe.

“What’s it say about you that you’re the one to guard the helpless teacher from Wisconsin instead of going to stop Captain America,” Valerie said, with an air of confidence that she didn’t actually feel.

The man didn’t move from his spot in the left corner of the room, his arms crossed, and scowl seemingly etched into his face.

“It’s just that, I couldn’t help but notice you were so much shorter than the rest of your team that it must be the reason you’re here guarding me from doing…” Valerie took a deep breath and sighed dramatically, gesturing around the room, “absolutely nothing. Besides it seems that Pierce works pretty closely with you guys, how impressive can you make yourself out to be in front of the big guy if the only way to prove yourself is stopping little old me.”

“HYDRA values order, not vigilantes,” the man finally answered. His voice was squeakier and higher pitched than she was expecting. He reminded Valerie of that green alien from Lilo and Stitch.

He rolled his eyes at Valerie and pulled out a box of Camels and a lighter. The man turned his back to light his cigarette and very quietly Valerie lifted her chair and swung it as hard as she could against the man’s head. The chair met his head with a loud crack, and he dropped to the ground with a cut bleeding profusely. He groaned and held his head with both hands. Valerie grabbed his keys and ID card from his belt and ran towards the door and threw it open. She ran down the hall as fast as she could.

The hallway was largely abandoned, but a few people were running towards a pair of doors to the left of the interrogation room, so she followed them. She had no clue where to go or what to do, but she knew she couldn’t stop. She flew through the double doors at the end of the hall and was met with another hallway, but she could see a sign for an elevator - down the hall and to the right. Suddenly, a loud shout came from behind Valerie. She looked back and the guard was running after her his gun pulled. Valerie took off again, running faster than she thought she could but the man was fast, and he was on her heels in no time. Valerie turned right and saw the elevator just ten feet away, but the man grabbed her and pulled her back, and slammed her hard against the wall.

“What a dumb move,” the man said, panting. His grip on her was bruising and he pushed the gun into her back. She struggled against him. While Steve and Bucky’s safety was likely guaranteed, hers wasn’t. “Stop struggling, you may be needed alive, but I know how to shoot without killing you.”

Valerie started to breathe quickly, she’d never been held at gunpoint before. The man began to lead her away from the elevator but took a deep breath and planted her feet to the ground.

“Keep moving, Jones,” he said, putting his mouth next to her ear and pressing the gun harder into her back. He slowly pulled away and as soon as his face was behind her head, Valerie threw her head back. She ignored the crack that came from his nose and turned to knee him in the groin. The man yelled out in pain and Valerie grabbed the gun from him. His nose was pouring blood and his eyes were watering, but he still looked at her like a misbehaved child. Valerie held the gun up with two hands and slowly walk around him.

“They didn’t say you were so feisty, but I think we both know your little stunt is a lucky break. So, why don’t you give me my gun back and I won’t hurt you.”

Valerie shook her head vigorously. “No, I’m leaving but I can see why they didn’t want you to tag along for the real action.”

The man’s face turned a violent shade of red and he lunged at Valerie. Valerie jumped back and her fingers tensed. The gun went off, the bullet shot straight into his stomach, and immediately the wound began to soak his black shirt. The two looked at each other with pure shock in their eyes. The man stumbled back, and Valerie walked backward to the elevator. When he fell to his knees, Valerie turned away. Her adrenaline was pumping so high, she didn’t even process what happened. She got on the elevator and looked for the first-floor button.

When the doors opened, Valerie expected to see a lobby with a reception desk and people running around. What she actually saw was an enormous warehouse filled with rows and rows of shelves that must have been 30 or 40 feet tall. She began to search for an exit. The warehouse must have been at least three miles wide, but Valerie began to walk along the wall. After 30 minutes of walking, she found a door labeled exit. The door led to a long hallway and at the end was a set of stairs going up to a knot her door. She ran up and threw the door open to see trees and grass and bushes. Valerie had never been so excited to see woods. She ran out and talked in excitement. Then a loud beeping came from behind her. Valerie turned to see the river parting and three large aircrafts rising. It was the craziest this Valerie had ever seen, and she had the sinking feeling that Steve would make his way up to them if he wasn’t already on them.

Valerie walked up the bank of the river and sat on a fallen tree watching the aircrafts ascend into the air and later Sam flying Steve and Natasha up to them. She could feel Steve’s adrenaline rushing and she tried to stay calm for his sake. Valerie saw Sam get Natasha out and Bucky destroy his wings. Steve was stuck and Valerie turned so she wouldn’t have to watch him go through this. She couldn’t bring healed to watch him go down and she felt a heavy blanket of sadness cover her. Valerie was fairly sure Steve would survive this, but what if the stories back home weren’t how it goes in this world? The idea that Steve could die, terrified her. She couldn’t explain why but Valerie was grieving the relationship with him she didn’t have. Images of the two of them cuddling on the couch and dancing together raced through her head and she cried that she wouldn’t get the chance to do those things with him. Something had gone wrong in the story, there was no way Steve survived a crash like that into the Potomac.

It took about half an hour for the planes to fall and hit the Triskelion. She heard the loud crashes of metal on metal and explosions and the sirens rushing to begin the cleanup and recovery efforts. She heard the splashes of debris in the water, and she couldn’t turn around to see Steve’s body hit the water. Valerie just focused on the bush in front of her. Her eyes traced every leaf and twig and branch, trying to keep the images of her and Steve in her mind at bay.

Somewhere between the splashes, crashes, and sirens, Valerie heard the splashing of something coming closer. She turned to see a man dressed in black tactical gear walking out of the river, dragging Steve’s limp body with a metal arm just a few yards away from her. Valerie stood and ran towards Steve. He looked so still when she kneeled next to him. Her tears fell freely, and she scrambled to find Steve’s pulse. It was weak but there, the man just stood and stared at her. Valerie looked up and gasped. It was Bucky.

His hair was shaggy and soaking wet and much longer than it was in the picture Steve had shown her, but it was him. His eyes had an edge to them that Valerie was sure wasn’t there in the 40s.

“Bucky,” Valerie started but he turned to leave. Valerie quickly stood and went to grab his arm.

“Where are you going? Steve needs help,” she said.

“I don’t know him,” Bucky said.

“Yes, you do, he’s your soulmate. He loves you so much, you need to stay and help him.”

“I failed my mission I need to leave,”

“Bucky, you’ve been hurt and tortured, Steve can help you get back to normal,” Valerie said still holding onto his flesh arm. Bucky just stared at her.

“Who are you,” he asked.

“I’m Valerie, I’m your other soulmate but you know Steve and I know you can feel him.”

Bucky just stared at her his face giving nothing of what he was feeling. After a moment he just pulled away from her and walked away.

“Wait,” Valerie yelled. “If you need us, you’ll probably be able to find us at Avenger Tower, but my number is 555-6987. Please call if you need anything.”

He didn’t give any indication that he was listening, but Valerie knew he got it. She turned back and went to Steve who was still laying on the ground. She put her hands on his face and pressed her forehead to his.

“Please wake up, I can’t be alone here Steve,” she whispered.

Chapter Nine

#howtochoose #soulmate au #soulmate!bucky barnes #soulmate!steve rogers #angst #slight canon divergence #original female character #stucky #stucky x oc #slow burn #also on ao3 #eventual smut #canon typical violence

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mpreg-is-always-possible · 4 years ago

Text

How To Choose

Story Summary

Masterlist

Chapter Seven

The only sound to be heard in the SUV was of passing cars. It had been a few hours since the fight on the bridge - since the Asset had failed his mission or at least part of it. He killed Jasper Sitwell – that was easy. No, he failed the other part of his mission. He was tasked to kill the individuals who made Sitwell betray HYDRA. Rumlow was furious with his charge, the Asset could tell. His handler stalked off before the team had loaded up the car. There was no room for error, he had said, mistakes like those risked the Asset being exposed, risked HYDRA being exposed.

The Asset didn’t mean to fail, in fact he was so close to finishing the job. He had the blond man in his sights but then he called the Asset Bucky. He didn’t know who Bucky was but the way the man said it felt so familiar, like home. It was confusing. The Asset had never had a home that he could remember; all he had was the next mission, that was his lot in life. He couldn’t remember anything else and that’s what allowed him to be who they needed him to be.

The Asset stared straight ahead from his seat in the back of the SUV. He needed to focus on fixing his mistake and not the man on the bridge or Bucky or the sudden emotions emanating from the mark on the back of his shoulder that he had long forgotten about. None of those things were important. But the Asset couldn’t help but think about the way the man said Bucky.

About 15 miles away in the home of Sam Wilson, Valerie tried to turn off the tv. She didn’t need to see Steve, Sam, and Natasha getting arrested over and over again but she couldn’t help herself. It had been hours since the group left her in the small house that increasingly felt bigger and bigger with each passing hour and listening to ill-informed news reports was as close as she was getting to an update aside from what she could feel from Steve (which she did not consider an update). All of the news reports were calling the group thugs and Steve a possible traitor for associating with them. The reporters were also in awe of just how much destruction there was, which was the only thing Valerie could agree with.

A loud bang jolted Valerie from the tv and she shrieked as she turned to the front door to see a large SWAT team rushing in from the front door and from the kitchen. Four men turned to her, had their guns trained on her as they yelled at her to get on the ground. She was so in shock; all she knew to do was to comply. She laid on the floor and a moment later a pair of black tactical boots stepped in front of her.

“What is your name,” the man said in a stern, raspy voice.

“Valerie Jones,” Valerie shakily said.

“What are you doing in Sam Wilson’s house, Ms. Jones,” the man asked.

“What are you doing in his house?” Valerie didn’t know where the confidence to ask a question came from, but she was tired of things just happening to her.

“You have the news on,” he said, evenly. “I think you can take a guess.”

Valerie felt someone step over her and grab her wrists. Her hands were pulled behind her and she felt cold narrow strips of metal close around her wrist. She heard the handcuffs close, and she was pulled up by her arms. Valerie came face to face with the man in the dress shoes. He was 40 at least and had salt and pepper hair. He had a mean look on his face that made Valerie very uncomfortable. The man seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place him.

“Why are you arresting me? Who are you?”

“I’m Brock Rumlow, we’re with SHEILD,” Rumlow said. “We’ve been looking for you, you’re gonna have to come with us.”

“Why? I don’t know anything about what Sam’s doing.” Valerie hoped she sounded convincing. She knew way more about what they were up to than she wanted, and she had always been a bad lair. Valerie felt a lump form in her throat, SHEILD was the last place she wanted to be right now.

“We still need you to come with us,” Rumlow said, his face stony. “Besides you’ll be safe from your soulmate there, Ms. Jones.”

With that, Valerie was led out of the house and into a car. She let her anxiety flow freely into Steve’s mark, hoping desperately he would realize something was happening to her.

Steve stood on the concrete bridge of an old dam miles outside of D.C. contemplating their next move. Pretty much everything that had happened in the past three hours had gone the exact opposite of how they were supposed to. Sitwell was dead, Fury was alive, and Bucky was too.

Bucky was alive, he had been alive this whole time and Steve had no clue. He hadn’t felt anything from his mark until Bucky’s muzzle fell off his face. An overwhelming tidal wave of determination and anger flowed from Bucky’s name when that happened, but Steve barely registered it. He was looking at Bucky again, he had had Bucky in his grips just moments before and didn’t even know. It broke Steve’s heart to see his love become a tool for the organization they both gave their lives to stop, but Bucky was alive. He was breathing and that’s all Steve needs to know to save him. Steve would save Bucky.

Steve suddenly felt pure fear jump out of Valerie’s mark, it put his teeth on edge. Something was wrong but what could he do for her without making whatever was happing worse. He figured SHIELD or more accurately HYDRA was raiding Sam’s house trying to see if they had gone back there. They most likely had her by now and that was another reason for him to take both organizations down.

“He’s gonna be there tomorrow, you know,” Sam said, pulling Steve from his thoughts.

“I’m counting on it,” Steve replied.

“I don’t know what kind of man he was before,” Sam said sternly, “but the man he is now may not be the kind you save but the kind you stop.”

Steve’s jaw tensed. Bucky needed to be saved and he would do anything to accomplish that.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to do that,” Steve said.

“He might not give you a choice.”

“He’s our soulmate, Sam, I have to try,” Steve ran his hands through his hair. “I think something is happening to Valerie. I felt…terror from her mark.”

“They have probably raided my house by now and took Valerie in,” Sam said. “I’m sorry man, I wish we could have gotten her out before, but the best thing we can do for her is to shut SHIELD down.”

“I know, I just can’t lose both of my soulmates the moment I find them.”

“Steve, he doesn’t know you,” Sam said, sternly.

“He will and he’ll have the chance to get to know Valerie,” Steve said turning away. “Gear up it’s time.”

Steve turned to walk down the bridge, away from Sam. His back was tense and jaw set – he was determined to save Bucky and Valerie. It would be a long road but Steve was determined to save Bucky and give him a chance to meet Valerie.

Chapter Eight

#howtochoose #soulmate au #soulmate!bucky barnes #soulmate!steve rogers #original female character #slow burn #also on ao3 #stucky #stucky x reader #stucky x oc #angst #eventual smut #slight canon divergence

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