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[mrsariley]

“Knowing that he wouldn’t be there for her wedding, a terminally ill father walked his 11-year-old down the ‘aisle’ years early with the pastor sweetly pronouncing them ‘daddy and daughter’.

Jim Zetz, 62, from Murrieta, California, who has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, proudly held his daughter, Josie’s hand during their backyard ceremony on March 14 and placed a sparkling ring on her index finger.” 

[mrsariley]

First comes love, then comes marriage.

Marriage. Holy cricket, that's such a scary word. I mean, marriage. MARRIAGE. It means so much more than people realize. These days, I see so many of my Facebook friends having babies and claiming that they are so in love. And, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with that... exactly.  And shoot, I know I'm not one to talk when I say, 'don't rush into things', but really, though - don't rush into things.

When you're with someone, explore it, get to know them. And I truly mean get to know them. I know a lot of people that have been with someone for a whopping one day and are all, "I love him / her!" and "She / he is the love of my life!". Come on guys, slow things down a bit.

But, when you all decide to finally take the plunge and get married, I've got a little bit of advice for you. Yes, I know I've only been married for a little over a year now, and I'm definitely no expert at it. But, I've learned things. No marriage is the same, and you'll learn this all through trial and error, just like I did. But, here's just a few things you might want to know - think of it as a heads up sort of thing.

* Don't go to bed angry.

Seriously, just don't. You'll lie there in bed with all sorts of thoughts running through your mind, and let's face, we've all already got too much on our minds when we're trying to sleep anyways. But when you go to bed angry, you think things like, 'is he going to be mad when he wakes up', or worse, 'will this be the last night I get to sleep next to him, will he be here when I wake up'. Don't torture yourself with those thoughts. 

So many times, I've wanted to steal all the covers away from Tristan and tell him that I was so mad at him, that I didn't want to cuddle with him and love on him in bed. But I'd be lying, definitely lying. The most amazing feeling in the world is going to bed with your husband holding you - you feel safe, protected, loved.

Just take my advice on this one, and never go to bed mad at your significant other.

* Marriage isn't 50-50.

Marriage is 100-100. You don't give half of yourself, or do half of your best. You give it all, every bit of it.

I gave my all to Tristan. I gave him my whole heart, everything I could possibly give. And you know what? He gave the same - he gave me everything.

* Never talk badly about your spouse.

I'll admit, I've done this a few times. Vented to my friends about how sometimes he frustrates me and such. But, that's a bad idea, it's just wrong. I don't want him going to work telling everyone my flaws or about how I mess up. So, why should I do that to him? Our problems are exactly that, our problems. Not everyone else's, and it should always stay that way.

* Never lie.

I've always heard that a little white lie won't hurt. Myth. Lies, any and all, hurt. I'd want to my husband to be honest with me - that haircut doesn't suit my facial structure, that shirt is too low-cut, blah blah blah. His opinion matters most of all.

* Seek forgiveness.

We're only human, we make mistakes. When you realize you've made a mistake, apologize, ask for forgiveness. "I'm sorry that I did that, please forgive me."

But, this one comes with another little side rule. Don't just spout it out without thinking. Sorry only means sorry when you are truly sorry. Sorry means that you truly did not mean what you did or said, and that you'll try your hardest to never do it again.

* Never keep secrets.

See never lie to each other.

* Date.

Never stop dating! Don't lose your fun and spontaneity. I get that most couples have children - hire a babysitter. Always have fun and keep up with the action. Don't let your marriage become dull.

* Intimacy.

Children under the age of 18, skip on over this one.

Yes, sex. It's important! And, it's not just 'doing it' or 'f&%@ing', it's making love.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, and if that's so, skip on over it like the kiddies did... When Tristan and I make love, it's special. It means something to me. It makes me feel wanted, sexy, beautiful. I've never had any doubt about it, but it reassures me that he's all mine, and that all he wants is me. That's such an amazing feeling!

Being sexually active with your spouse is an important part of marriage, it just is. I don't know how else to describe it or what else to say about it - it's just important.

* Love.

The biggest, best advice I could possibly give you.

Choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

[mrsariley]

[mrsariley]

Gaining some confidence.

Writing. It's my passion. I love it. Not a day goes by that I don't write, even a little something. I have countless notebooks filled with poems and short stories that I've written. One day, I hope to write a best selling novel.

Writing. It terrifies me more than anything else in this world. I have this strange fear (though, any writer would agree that it's not strange) of people hating my words, hating what I write. I don't like them judging me and such. So, nine times out of ten, I write something, then delete it. Only 2 people have ever read anything I've ever written - and even then, I actually read it to them, left out key points, was very vague about it all.

So, here goes nothing. I wrote this little piece a while back, and it's just been living in my computer for about 2 years now. There's no title, there's no dramatic love scenes, there's really no point to it. But, there was once. I had a love, a dream for this story - Orion, the main protagonist, is a hunter. What does she hunt? Werewolves. I know, I know. -insert boos and eye rolls here; Another freaking paranormal teenage love story? Yuck. But, it's something I enjoy writing. So, deal with it.

This is a big deal for me, opening up and letting the world read my stuff. I'm not a professional, I didn't go to college or take any classes for this. I'm just an amatuer with a dream.

I hope you enjoy this. If you don't, screw you - I love it, and that's what matters.

!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()

"No!" I shouted out, but my voice broke, and barely sounded like a whisper.

I reached out to him, my fingertips barely brushing against his. I reached farther, stretching my arm out as far as it could go. But I still couldn't reach him. "Please!" The word escaped my lips in a groan between the sobs I could feel forming in my chest. "No. No, no!"

But it was too late. The wolf snatched him from me, biting into his leg and giving it a twist. He yelled out in pain, and his body slid further down the side of the mountain. I shoved my body closer to the edge, trying one last time to reach for him. But it was useless.

He looked up to me, fear in his eyes. "Go, Ri." He pleaded, his voice harsh. "Please, go!"

With a nod, I reluctantly lifted myself up onto my feet, and turned my back to him. I brushed the hair from my face, and kicked off, running in the opposite direction. And just as I made it to the edge of the forest, I heard him scream once more. But he was cut off mid-scream, and I heard nothing but the ravenous sounds of a monster tearing into his flesh. "Daddy!" I cried. "No."

With a jerk of my body, I sat straight up in bed. My eyes flashed open, and a small scream escaped my lips. I felt my body shiver, even tough I was covered in sweat. I reached up with my hands, and ran all ten fingers through my hair. My bedroom door creaked open, and a pretty, familiar face peeked inside, the light from the hallway shining in behind her.

"Orion?" Sarah whispered into the dark.

"Yeah?" I murmured back, sucking in shallow breaths of air as my body trembled.

Sarah pushed the door open all the way, and I could tell by her posture that she was worried. She clutched the ends of her bathrobe and pulled them in closer to her body. She stood straight, her body tense and rigid. Her eyebrows were creased, small circles were forming under her eyes.

"I heard you scream…" She stated, though it sounded more like a question than anything else.

When I didn't immediately reply, she crossed over to my bed and sat down on the edge, her weight shifting me slightly towards her. I hadn't realized I was crying until her hand reached out to my face, and her thumb wiped away the tears on my cheeks. I felt the sobs rising, and I shut my eyes. "It was my dad." I mumbled.

"Oh, honey." She whispered back.

She pulled me to her, pressing my head to her chest, and wrapping her arms tightly around me. She rubbed my back and let me cry.

Sometimes I wondered how I ever got so lucky to have a woman like Sarah in my life. When my father died when I was seven, she was the first person there for me. She took me in under her wing, and loved me like I was her own child. She fed me, clothed me, protected me. She always listened to what I had to say, and gave me the greatest advice anyone could ever receive. And after ten years, she still accepted me. I loved her like she was my own mother.

She pulled me away from her body, took my face in her hands, and kissed the top of my forehead. "Oh, my child." She murmured, trying unsuccessfully to hide the hurt in her voice. "If I could take it all away, I would."

I nodded, bending forward to kiss her cheek. "I know, Sarah. I know."

Using the back of her hand, she wiped the sweat on my forehead, then pushed away the hair hanging in my eyes. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. I gave a small sigh, and slid myself down into my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. She climbed off my bed, and tucked the covers around me. She softly kissed my forehead once more and whispered in my ear, "Sleep tight, darling."

I watched her as she walked to the door, and called out to her before she could leave. "I love you." I told her, meaning every word.

And when she replied, I could actually hear the smile in her voice. "I love you too, Ri." She pulled my bedroom door closed, and I listened to her footsteps as she made her way back downstairs and into her own bedroom.

My chest grew heavy, and I felt the tears stinging in my eyes again. But I scrunched up my nose in an attempt to keep them from falling. I didn't want to sleep, in fear that I would have nightmares again. But even against my fighting, my eyes started to feel heavy, and I slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.

------------------------------------------------

As I laid in bed, with my sheets pulled up to my chest and my toes peeking out from underneath them, I stared out the window, watching the sun rise. I'd been awake for what seemed like hours, though in reality, it was only about fifteen minutes. As the sun grew higher in the sky and peeked in my windows, I pulled my thick, fuzzy blanket up to my nose, let out a groan, and then pulled them higher over my face. I pulled my legs into the blanket, rolled over onto my side, and curled up into a ball. "I'm gonna hibernate." I murmured, a soft smile rising on my lips when I realized that I was talking to myself again- something I did quite often.

Just as I closed my eyes and made up my mind to sleep the day away, my phone buzzed on my bedside table, vibrating hard against the wood. My eyes flashed open, and I  threw the covers off of my body, snatching the the cellphone up. Reading over the message, I felt my face scrunch up in disappointment. I let out another groan when my eyes had shifted to the clock beside my bed, and I noticed that it was only seven in the morning.

[mrsariley]

Let my words be life. Let my words be truth. I don't wanna say a word unless it points the world back to you.

[mrsariley]

Words, Hawk Nelson.

[mrsariley]

Sometimes, you just gotta bite your tongue.

This is a hard one for me, biting my tongue. I mean, for one, ouch! And two, well, it's just damn hard to do. There are so many things that I want to say, shout, scream, whatever. Especially if it involves me and mine. Gosh, sometimes I just want to throw myself on the ground, kick and scream, and throw a tantrum like toddlers do. But do I actually do it? Well, mentally, I do.

My therapist - that's right, folks, I see a therapist, and I'm not ashamed of it - told me a few things that I'm going to share with you.

* Kindly voice your opinion right from the start.

His exact words were, "It's better to tell someone how you feel as soon as it happens." And, he's right. Don't sit there and dwell on it, let it build up inside you. Because that will destroy you, it will. But he also said to be nice about it. Even if that person was so rude to you, don't stoop down to their level. Just be kind and tell them, "Hey, that hurt my feelings."

* It's better to get it off your chest.

Once, my husband told me that I shouldn't eat that candy bar that I was really wanting to eat. (Keep in mind, I had just complained earlier that day that I wanted to go on a diet and lose weight.) It hurt my feelings. I'm a girl - my brain instantly turned that into 'you're fat, don't eat junk food', even though that wasn't at all what he was telling me. He was trying to help me. But, it was his approach. Instead of taking the more gentle way out (and, I'm a big baby, you've gotta be gentle with me), he was sort of blunt about it, and the whole vibe of the situation just wasn't right. Again, I wanted to scream at him and cry out that he was a big meanie-head. But I looked at him and calmly said, "Those words hurt my feelings. Could you please be a little nicer about it next time?" And he understood what I was saying.

My therapist told me that it's better to say what's on your mind, and have you partner feel a little hurt in that moment, than for you to hold it in, he/she keep unknowingly do what they are doing, and you hurt more, all the time. Does that even make sense? (I'll be honest, I wrote that sentence about ten times, trying to figure out how to write it correctly.)

* Stand up for yourself.

This, folks, is our main topic. Every session, he starts with, "So, how is Alex today?" And I generally answer with a shrug, and a "Fine, I guess." Then he goes right into asking me about if I've had any conflicts, and how I've handled them. In the beginning, I always felt like a failure, never able to stand up for myself.

One day, a coworker told me that I needed to be sure to wear matching socks, because it looks unprofessional when I don't. Holy mother of Pearl, I was angry! Who says that, who cares about my socks!?

Well, I care. I love my socks. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not own a matching pair of socks (I'll tell you why shortly).

Do you know who else cares? My old people. I work at a retirement community, and I constantly, on a daily basis, get compliments on my socks. "That is so cute!" "It matches your silly personality." "I look forward to seeing those socks every day." Those comments just melt my heart. Let's face it, those old people don't have much more to live for, and it's the little things that matter to them. And if my socks are important to them, then I'm gonna wear freaking mismatched socks, dag-nab-it!

Anyways, back to my point. I looked at my coworker and smiled. I replied with, "I think my socks look okay. Besides, the residents love them, and I love to make them happy. If corporate or the big boss comes and tells me otherwise, then I'll do what they ask. But for now, I'm keeping my socks the way they are."

I was so proud of myself! And my therapist was proud too. Guys, I stood up for myself! It was over the stupidest situation, but I did it, and I'm so happy about it.

So, basically, this whole post was about words - voicing your opinion and sticking up for what you believe is right. Be strong, I believe in you.

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be.  And you're only as small as the world will make you seem. When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall, Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

~ Never Shout Never, On The Brightside.

\ I don't have matching socks because my sister has the other half. She's my best friend, my world. She's my other half, so isn't it only fitting that she has the other half of my socks? Silly, I know, but it's an us thing - you wouldn't understand. /

[mrsariley]

The Ultimate List.

[mrsariley]

2015 Resolutions.

Over the years, I've always heard people say that for their resolutions for the upcoming year, they're going to do this, or they're going to do that. Shoot, I've even been one of those that makes those silly resolutions - but do I ever follow through with them? Nine times out of ten, no, I do not keep them.

I've given this a lot of thought, and honestly, I'm pretty happy with what I've decided to do - or more so, what I've decided to not do. Why sit there and say things like, "I'll lose weight!" or "I'll go to church more!"? No, no - I'm tired of doing that. It's time for me to break the mold. 2015 is going to bring me great things, and I'm truly excited.

So, here is a list of the five most important things (to me, at least) that I will stop doing in the new year.

1. Stop blaming my husband for things.

You know, it's not even really that I blame him, per say. It's just that, when I don't want to accept the things I've done, I turn it around on him. For example, the other night, I didn't put the dishes away. And why did I not take out the few, clean dishes from the dishwasher and put them all into their designated spots, an act that would have taken me a whopping ten minutes to do? Because I got lazy - pure and simple. I was too wrapped up in watching a movie. And when he came home later that afternoon, though he tried to hide it, I could see and hear the annoyance he had coursing through him as he asked why I didn't do the one little thing he asked me to do. And what was my response, you might ask? I pretty much said it was his fault. I told him that between him calling and texting me, I got distracted with his dog - that's right, I said it was his dog - and I had to put away his - there it is again, his - clothes. I just kept saying that I had to do other things for him, knowing good and well that, for one, I didn't do any of that, and secondly, I was doing those things for us, not just him. It was our clothes that I needed to put away, our dishes that needed done, and our dog that had to be taken out to potty.

So, there you go. I vow to stop blaming my husband for my mess-ups. He doesn't deserve them, not in the slightest.

2. I'm going to stop getting so upset with what other people say or do.

My stepmom is the queen at this. Always walking around with a huge, beautiful smile plastered to her face. Once, I remember someone being so rude to her - calling her names that I won't repeat here, waving their arms around like a maniac, threatening her. And what did she do? Killed them with kindness - except, not quite literally. She just nodded and smiled, and said, "Okay, if that's how you feel." Oh, my gosh. If that's how you feel!? Who even says that?! Most people, myself included would've retaliated, stooped to their level, thrown a fit and cursed right back. But did she? Well, no, she didn't. She didn't take it to heart. You know why? Because she values herself.

I've always heard that I shouldn't care what other people think. Well, that's a lie, and even my stepmom knows that. I care what other people think of me, she cares of other people think of her. But what's important is that her opinion of herself is better, happier in ways. Sure, it might hurt her feelings a little if someone says something mean to her, but she doesn't let it get to her, because she loves herself. 

That's what I'm going to do. Love myself more.

3. Stop putting off calling and video chatting with my family.

I'll admit it, I neglect my family - all 5 of my siblings and all three of my parents. And mostly, it's because I'm selfish. Since I've moved away, it hurts to much to even think about them, really. When they do call, I don't want to answer the phone - half the time, I even ignore the call. And it's not because of anything they have done, gosh, no. It's because of me. I constantly push away those feelings about missing them, and I don't like being reminded that they are so far away from me.

So, really, I guess this one is sort of a two-fer. I'm going to stop ignoring my family, and I'm going to tackle those depressing feelings and overcome them.

4. Stop telling myself not to cry.

Let's be honest, we've all thought, at least once in our lives, that crying is for wimps, for babies. Crying is good for you! Wanna know why?

http://www.agingcare.com/Articles/reasons-why-crying-is-good-for-your-health-146022.htm

5. Stop pushing only doom and gloom and start focusing on solutions.

I'm not doomed! I'm not. The sky is the limit! I've got so much going for me, and I know that. So, what am I going to do? I'm going to start looking for solutions, rather than keeping my problems.

I'm such a pro at this one. If I have a problem, I dwell on it. I act all 'woe is me' and throw myself a pity party. What I should be going is finding the answer to that problem and getting to it. And, well, that's exactly what I'll do.

Bring it on, 2015! I'm ready for you!

[mrsariley]

The grass is greener where you water it.