ms-jewel-blog

[ms-jewel-blog]

#perspective #belove #warriorintraining #soldieroflove

[ms-jewel-blog]

When your head is so full of thoughts, you have to spill it out on paper in order to think straight. The gist of this is time well spent. Time at my day job versus time doing what's important. Investing in the things that truly matter. The first page is getting all my thoughts down. The second page are those thoughts cleaned up a bit. This helped me to readjust. To see the truth. Wow. Now I feel motivated instead of bogged down. #perspective #timemanagement #investinwhatmatters #makeanimpact #family #friends #health #growing #learning #warriorintraining #soldieroflove

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So often I feel like I'm wasting my time, spinning my wheels. I want my life to count for something. I want to be remembered. Right now, I've made no impact on the human race whatsoever. I'm just a woman sitting at a desk all day helping those who honestly just seem to lazy to help themselves. Why am I here? Not on earth; I know we are here to love each other. But why am I stuck in this job instead of doing what I Love? Instead of making a difference? Instead of being the change I long to be? I'm trying to trust God, but right now, in this moment, I feel extremely stagnant and bored...and used...and useless. I'm so ready to move on.

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Every single day, I have to make a conscious effort to choose love. To show love to others and to be an example of what love looks like. Choose love, especially when you don't want to. God is Love. Let him show you how it's done. #warriorintraining #soldieroflove (at Mississippi)

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Love is the fulfillment of God's law. #warriorintraining #soldieroflove

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New blog post is up! Link is in my bio. Thanks for reading! #amandajewelsfrontporch #blog #blogger #wordpress #writer #amwriting #mythoughts #controlfreak #controlfreaklettinggo #warriorintraining #soldieroflove (at Mississippi)

[ms-jewel-blog]

Some thoughts I felt prompted to share. #stilllearning #stillgrowing #lovefully #belikeJesus #timewithJesus #trust #warriorintraining #soldieroflove

[ms-jewel-blog]

Not to Drown

I think out loud. That's how I process. It gets me into trouble. I say things I should keep to myself. But when I hold thoughts inside my head, I get antsy and frustrated. Processing thoughts alone feels like suffocating. In my effort not to drown, I bubble over with angry words and tears. It's better for everyone if I just think out loud. Well, it's better for my wellbeing anyway.

[ms-jewel-blog]

I Am Writer

How can you possibly give up the one truth about yourself? How can you compromise that aspect that runs deeper than your blood and bones? When the core of who you are resonates like music in your soul, turning it down is torture. Turning it off only ends in total self-destruction.

[ms-jewel-blog]

Fight for Your Life

I sat and watched a tiny spider catch a meal today. An even smaller bug got caught in the bottom part of the spider's web in my windowsill at work. I watched as the tiny spider tried to maneuver itself to spin the smaller bug. But the bug kept fighting, trying to back away into a crevice. The spider finally bit the line of web, cutting it from the 'sill, which made the bug swing closer for the spider to catch. They dangled there for a moment before the spider spun the bug in sticky silk and hauled him from the bottom of the window a few centimeters upward to her perch where the window met the pane. I saw her tuck him away for later. I was proud of her resilience, but almost felt sorry for the bug. Both were relatable creatures.

[ms-jewel-blog]

My American Dream

I'm done. So over it. I cannot continue the rat race. Cannot continue to sit behind a desk day in and day out while my hands get softer and my ass gets wider. Cannot continue to stare out windows whose views are blocked by building walls while I day dream of being outdoors in fields. Cannot continue to drive into the city from the country in order to pretend to be who I'm not -- a blue collar worker trying to fit into the white collar world chasing money I will never be able to obtain unless I'm willing to sell my soul.

I need to dig in the dirt. I need to cultivate the land. I need to aid in the growth of God's creation, to breathe fresh air, to be out underneath the sky. I need to be washed by the rain. I need to track through the mud. I need to plant, and tend to, and harvest like my ancestors used to do. I need to marvel at my surroundings, to work shoulder to shoulder next to someone who is willing to work as hard as I am, who may not even speak my language. I need to be sore at the end of the day, but proud at what my body did, at what my hands achieved. I need to know that the shower I take before bed is well earned, and to sleep hard not because of some sleep aid, but because hard work makes you sleep deep. I need to be happy to wake up and know what I'm doing is an honest day's work. I need to feel alive again!

I am not made for concrete and cold hard cash.

I am made for earth and the green of the land.

God, help me find where I can live out this dream.

[ms-jewel-blog]

Thanks to @aclancaster for the idea of putting together an outline for my book before writing it. Going back through my life and trying to piece together all the events in the correct order is even more difficult than I thought it would be. The book itself will be a work of fiction, but it is definitely based on my life. God has worked many miracles on my behalf and I can hardly wait to share. This may take a while to write and I know it's going to be a painful process, but my hope is that it blesses others and leads many to Christ. Stay tuned... #writersgottawrite #amwriting #realityisstrangerthanfiction #mystory #thegoodnessofGod #loveconquersall #warriorintraining #soldieroflove (at Mississippi)

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The Dark of Winter

Winter is

Long,

Cold

and dark.

I wake

Early

Listening,

Waiting

For the birds

Welcoming

The sun.

They refuse

To sing.

The darkness

Won't end.

I am

Not made

For this

season

Of death.

I crave

Sunlight.

Time

Drags by

Holding back

The dawn.

Praying

For spring

I drift

Towards sleep

Curled into

A ball

Crawling into

Myself

Away from

The dark

Of winter.

[ms-jewel-blog]

I always adore the bags from @barnesandnoble. #itsthelittlethings #classics #belovedstories #wizardofoz #romeoandjuliet #writers #readers #loversofthewrittenworld

[ms-jewel-blog]

Shine

It's hard to be light

In a sea of negativity

I want to throw up

My hands

And walk away

But I stay and shine

Praying for strength

To combat the darkness

Light cannot be overtaken

Or we all lose

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Craving

To wake up after rested

Not to alarm clocks

Or the need to rush to work

Looming over me.

To be able to drink my coffee

Feed my animals

Spiritually and mentally prepare

For what lies ahead that day.

To be able to sit and write

First thing in the morning

With no clock ticking away time

Glaring at me that I must hurry my thoughts

Forcing me to just get things down on paper

And revisit them later.

But later the mood is gone

So the thoughts don't seem so important

And remain a scrambled mess of words

On a page that failed to capture their meaning.

Life on my own terms.

[ms-jewel-blog]

Sick Days

Is it weird that I haven't minded being sick? I mean the puking sucked, but it only lasted a day in between all that lethargy. And while I would have liked to have been writing during all this time off, I've enjoyed sleeping and dreaming and not having to take care of everyone's needs. At home, I'm mom and wife and furbaby mom. Everyone needs me for something. At work, it's more of the same as an assistant. I'm at everyone's commands. Not that anyone is rude or anything. I just get tired. And being sick allowed all that tired to catch up with me. So I've slept and dreamed of worlds different from my own. But now as I'm nearing well, all that I've neglected will soon demand my attention once again. I think I'll hit the snooze button just a bit longer.