mushroomates

[mushroomates]

oh boy here we go again,,,,

the fellowship bbq:

gandalf: arrives last (a wizard is never late), brings the most bizarre things with him. seven hot dogs buns (the exact number needed), a pepper shaker, (they ran out of pepper mid bbq) and fourteen napkins (there was a spill)

gimli: brings the beers. he has a giant ass cooler covers in rock (ha) band stickers as well as national parks. brings like,,., artisanal, local shit. unheard of brands and always fantastic. also brings homemade lemonade which is unironically the best shit ever. (the secret is he adds a pinch salt. the second secret is that the salt is “home grown”

legolas: oh boy legolas. really doing his best to master the art of pasta salad and it’s not going great. has brought: loose, uncooked penne mixed in with oak leaves, a ziplock bag of wet spaghetti and a separate ziplock bag of ranch dressing, three and a half raviolis on a bed of lettuce, and most recently, four different boxes of mac’n’cheese, unopened, and arranged artfully in a stand mixer bowl.

frodo: brings jello. every time. box-ready, red dye 40, un-name brand, jello. it’s the only thing he can reliably make and bring. it’s weirdly a hit every time. mostly because legolas and pippin play a game where they see how much random shit they can stick in it before the jello collapses.

sam: would love to bring the pasta salad but legolas says he has that covered. instead, brings potato salad and fruit salad. also brings the plates, forks, table cloth, condiments, seasonings and fly-covers. also bakes brownies with sprinkles themed per season.

merry: also brings brownies. do not eat merry’s brownies if you are driving or plan to drive within the next three days. pays sam like 20-50 bucks cash (whatever he can grab from his parents before he arrives to the function) because he wants to contribute more but hasn’t figured out how.

pippin: well,,, pippin. if you’re lucky with a giant ass watermelon, uncut. now your job to prep it as you see fit. also has a basket of loose produce he picked from his neighbors garden. there’s like,,,, sixteen cherry tomatoes and a fist full of mint.

boromir: is very protective of his grill. this does not stop merry and pippin from sneaking bites of of the cooking meat. has various “kiss the cook” aprons he cycles through. has a smoker and a grill, separate, brings both if not hosting. serves everyone else first. makes his patties from scratch.

aragorn: (?????) jerky. deer, probably. trail mix, fruit leather, mushrooms. all home made and foraged. sometimes brings baskets of wild blackberries. is more suited to picnics than barbecues. would like to one day man the grill- he can cook meat decently- but boromir won’t let him because he’s to light handed with the seasoning.

[mushroomates]

thinking about boromir again

how does gondor grieve? it’s a dying country in it of itself, can anyone make the distinction between tragedies? how many men have fallen, and who buries the dead? where are the mass graves, the unmarked tombs, how many bodies lay beneath the eroded soil?

was there ever time, with the end of the world crashing down, to lay a flower on the grave of a loved one. did you mourn the men who fought for their country, or the country that fell along side them. is it easier to grieve the kingdom, or its people?

when aragorn reigns king, arwen is surrounded by death. i wonder what its like to loose an afterlife and be reminded of its contrary every day. she didn’t grow up with death like many of gondor did.

when boromir was a boy, he saw men fall. he grew up too fast, with his brother at his side, even though boromir tried to shield him by standing in front. all he knew was war. all he wanted was to end it.

he left everything behind to go on a journey so far from home with a slim, almost none, chance of success. to fight side by side with your begrudgingly rightful king, with a wizard, with an immortal elf seemingly untouchable. with the hobbit who’s entrusted with a power you perceive to be the solution to your problems.

it’s a wonder he wasn’t more resentful. the fellowship was full with things he was envious of. the hobbits easy life must have come as a shock, and i wonder if that’s why he wanted to protect them. meet people untouched by war, who have never fought nor gone hungry. he did not hate them for what they had, but wanted to protect them from the harsh reality he grew up with.

boromir is so inherently good it hurts. this man deserved to see the world he fought so hard for. his body lies so far yet so close from his homeland, from his brother. his final resting place is unfamiliar. he never got to go back home.

[mushroomates]

I need you to know that I Am Obsessed with your headcanons and you are so right. Legolas is lactose intolerant. Gandalf picks fights with birds. why are there no cows in Lothlorien. I need more Legolas hcs pls I crave blorbo content >:3c

more legolas headcanons per request:

cannot spell. have you seen elvish? sindarian or quenya doesn’t matter. dislexic nightmare. with all those dialects? no thank you

had a biting problem as a kid

also had a hitting problem. this was enabled because thuranduil found it hilarious. plus it’s hard to stop kids on a positive feedback loop.

sequence of events: legolas swats someone. thuranduil cracks up. legolas is happy his dad is happy and is receiving attention. repeat.

can only wear one specific type of shoe without losing his shit. is like a dog where he gets all weird and forgets to walk with new things on his feet. he really doesn’t like slippers.

is constantly making bets with other elves. it’s so stupid. he eggs on his dad the most. (bet you can’t shoot an arrow, blindfolded and drunk, and extinguish a candle) (this is how galion shot in the shoulder)

talks in a weird accent because aragorn talks in a weird accent and he thinks that by mimicking it they they can bond :)

skins his food. like, will eat the peel of apple then flesh. will remove the white of a boiled egg methodically before he gets to the yolk. will eat the crust of a pie and then the filling.

eats a sandwich layer by layer.

mimics sounds. if he hears a new noise he will immediately try and replicate it. has gotten really good at that.

can mimic gandalf clearing his throat really, really well. to the point where everyone stops and looks at gandalf expectantly.

loves to try and stick things in gimlis hair unnoticed. almost lost an arm that way.

is very good at pickpocketing. uses this to take things from someone and plant it on someone else. ex: plant gandalfs pipe on pippin.

[mushroomates]

what if the real reason the eagles didn’t take frodo to mordor from the get go is because no one bothered reaching out. like i know the real reason but just imagine if it all could have worked out in the end if gandalf had just sent that awkward text (scroll)

frodo: you couldn’t have done this in the first place?????

eagle: i mean, you didn’t ask 🙄💁

[mushroomates]

the fellowship as roommates:

frodo: probably one of the best roommates out there. keeps to himself, tidy, does his laundry quickly and doesn’t leave it in the wash for a week. the company he keeps inviting over are weird though and you wish he’d stop obsessing over his jewelry. there’s a ring dish by the sink he’s always being funny about.

sam: he has to stop bringing plants home. the amount of dirt where there shouldn’t be is getting ridiculous. will make bread for the household though, and that makes up for it. does his dishes and all the dishes in the sink frequently and genuinely enjoys the task. took over the decoration and homemaking instantly.

merry: has a massive candle collection that would be fire safety issue. it not, however, a fire safety issue because merry never lights them. he has discontinued yankee candles and various limited edition scents. it’s his pride and joy and he doesn’t ever want to burn them because he wants to keep them forever. once pippin lit his maple-bacon soy wax triwick 1998 and merry went nuts. aside from that, pleasant company.

pippin: his parents pay for his rent because he couldn’t be bothered to pay it on time, and the tooks really, really wanted their son out of the house. do NOT go in his room. has not done laundry ever and does not plan to. keeps dirty dishes in his hamper and under his bed. keeps buying new forks thinking you won’t notice.

boromir: pays his rent a day early. handles the bills and finances and just tell you how much you owe. very respectful about your space in the fridge. does his best to be quiet past 9pm. he does, however, carve wood over the carpet and splinters have become an issue. he vacuum’s but it’s seriously becoming a problem. also keeps inviting these weirdos over who try and eat all your food.

aragorn: keeps tanning hides in the living room. is never home because he’s always at his girlfriends place. brought a dehydrator into the mix and the house always smells like meat because he’s making jerky. he will share it though, which is nice:

legolas: is mildly afraid of the bathroom. keeps clogging the drains with copious amounts of shed hair. uses your shampoo when he thinks your not looking. eats all of the good food, and small bites out of pretty much everything. tracks dirt all over the carpet and has a thing for fairy lights.

gimli: historic weaponry is NOT home decor and why the hell would you keep it over your bed. he has to have his own bathroom which he keeps very specifically (the amount of products he uses for his beard is unreasonable). generally tidy, gets weird about organizing things by color and type and would rather you let him do it.

gandalf: hardly a roommate. sometimes you wonder if he still is living with you and then he’ll show up after months of ghosting you with a random horse and a new-differently colored hat. and he will explain more about the hat than the horse. no, gandalf, we can’t keep a horse in the bathroom. our landlord will find out. please shut up about your new hat.

gollum: fresh fish keep being left on your counter on the first of each month. they’re very much someone’s goldfish that keep going missing. once, a parakeet was left in your sink. your lost socks keep reappearing on your couch. sometimes shiny rocks and coins are placed next to your phone at night. four months in there’s a scratching in your walls and this fucker pops out. he’s been living off of your scraps for nearly a year and thinks you two are best friendsies! <3 he tries to plea that he’s being paying rent. someone call the cops. (sam comes over and shoo’s him out with a broom. it’s frodos weird friend from college.)

[mushroomates]

per request (asks got deleted) some of the weirdest thing the fellowship has eaten

i’ll do top three for each

speedrun!!! no explanations

frodo: wrapping paper, half of a tooth brush, most of a sock

sam: dog treats, 3/4th of a candle that looked like a cupcake, seven pond pebbles

merry: many, many artisanal soaps, swallowed a penny whole, an entire cigar

pippin: two cattails, his mothers wedding ring, many shards of glass from various windows

boromir: four live bees, all on separate occasions, a good chunk of an ant hive, horse dung

aragorn: chunk of leather belt, wine cork, decent amount of arwins hair

legolas: branch of thuranduils crown, a whole candle, an entire elk antler

gimli: half of a book, seven feathers, a bag of ball barrings

gandalf: pure iron, a bite of a wagon wheel, the little egg thing in saruman’s staff (had to be replaced)

gollum: seven troll teeth, entire hat, toe nails on a regular basis

[mushroomates]

hOW AM I JUST SEEING THIS!!! lovely <3 no notes!

the fellowship on road trips:

aragorn: still prints out mapquest. has a set eta and marked rest places. prides himself on how little he packed, texts arwin frequent updates.

boromir: the driver. will not and does not let anyone else take the wheel. probably for the best. absolutely merciless with bathroom breaks.

legolas: head out the window. loud singing. loudly points out cows and horses, will make you pull over so he can check out cool trees.

gimli: used to switch off with boromir, is no longer allowed to drive due to road rage. eats very smelly jerky and canned food that stinks up the car.

sam: packs lunches for everyone, very generous with his snacks, comes home with way too many souvenirs that take up a lot of room.

frodo: sits in the middle :( comes up with fun games to play on the road, has a riddle book (bilbos) to keep everyone entertained. also reads during the trip, weirdly does not get nauseous.

merry: has to stop for potty breaks frequently and gets carsick easily. tries to sleep for most of the trip, will use the person next to him as a pillow.

pippin: also has a lot of souvenirs (that he stole) does not think consequences exists on vacation. asks ‘are we there yet’ frequently at increasing volumes.

gandalf: has opinions about the route they’re taking. claims he knows where they’re going, total back seat driver. does not have his license. will not ask for directions.

[mushroomates]

I'm going to cry of laughter, I'm absolutely dying your tales r amazxing 🤣🤣🤣

have more shitty gollum!!! no UR amazxing!!! i’m always blown away by ppls support and it means the world to me. ty for taking time out of ur day to share this with me <3

[mushroomates]

your headcanons mean so much to me. you're so spot on w them!! i hope you have a wonderful day❤️ thank you for your writing

this is so sweet!!! ty for ur support! have a cursed gollum (i am drawing this from memory send help)

let the record show that i’ve read the books and watched the animated hobbit/lotr several times but have only watched the extended movies once or twice each so this is heavily based on book gollum

[mushroomates]

your hcs for gandalf is so endearingly odd I frieking love it, like he's so odd and the things he does is completely random the dude himself is like the embodyment of the chaotic wild card™️ i just wanna say i really love what you did

hey!!! tysm for ur kind words i rlly appreciate it!! gandalf is literally my favorite character and every day i strive to do something that would make him proud. i live my life with WWGD- what would gandalf do. disclaimer: it’s not always the best idea to do what gandalf would do

[mushroomates]

the fellowship bbq:

gandalf: arrives last (a wizard is never late), brings the most bizarre things with him. seven hot dogs buns (the exact number needed), a pepper shaker, (they ran out of pepper mid bbq) and fourteen napkins (there was a spill)

gimli: brings the beers. he has a giant ass cooler covers in rock (ha) band stickers as well as national parks. brings like,,., artisanal, local shit. unheard of brands and always fantastic. also brings homemade lemonade which is unironically the best shit ever. (the secret is he adds a pinch salt. the second secret is that the salt is “home grown”

legolas: oh boy legolas. really doing his best to master the art of pasta salad and it’s not going great. has brought: loose, uncooked penne mixed in with oak leaves, a ziplock bag of wet spaghetti and a separate ziplock bag of ranch dressing, three and a half raviolis on a bed of lettuce, and most recently, four different boxes of mac’n’cheese, unopened, and arranged artfully in a stand mixer bowl.

frodo: brings jello. every time. box-ready, red dye 40, un-name brand, jello. it’s the only thing he can reliably make and bring. it’s weirdly a hit every time. mostly because legolas and pippin play a game where they see how much random shit they can stick in it before the jello collapses.

sam: would love to bring the pasta salad but legolas says he has that covered. instead, brings potato salad and fruit salad. also brings the plates, forks, table cloth, condiments, seasonings and fly-covers. also bakes brownies with sprinkles themed per season.

merry: also brings brownies. do not eat merry’s brownies if you are driving or plan to drive within the next three days. pays sam like 20-50 bucks cash (whatever he can grab from his parents before he arrives to the function) because he wants to contribute more but hasn’t figured out how.

pippin: well,,, pippin. if you’re lucky with a giant ass watermelon, uncut. now your job to prep it as you see fit. also has a basket of loose produce he picked from his neighbors garden. there’s like,,,, sixteen cherry tomatoes and a fist full of mint.

boromir: is very protective of his grill. this does not stop merry and pippin from sneaking bites of of the cooking meat. has various “kiss the cook” aprons he cycles through. has a smoker and a grill, separate, brings both if not hosting. serves everyone else first. makes his patties from scratch.

aragorn: (?????) jerky. deer, probably. trail mix, fruit leather, mushrooms. all home made and foraged. sometimes brings baskets of wild blackberries. is more suited to picnics than barbecues. would like to one day man the grill- he can cook meat decently- but boromir won’t let him because he’s to light handed with the seasoning.

[mushroomates]

I absolutely adore your headcanons, they’re so so enjoyable to read!!! Currently wondering what the fellowship would be like at home/ their domestic habits?? aragorn is such a wife guy so you just know he’s the type to sit in bed and watch arwen get dressed in the morning with the same awe in his eyes as the first time. And i reckon pippin is the sort that finishes a box of cereal but then puts the box back into the cupboard so others are constantly annoyed at finding empty food packages instead of full ones??

funnily enough i had this sort of thing in my drafts! i edited it up and posted it :) i can go more in detail on specific domestic habits later, and definitely will! stay tuned :)

[mushroomates]

the fellowship and housekeeping/home decor:

frodo: not his work but still a cozy place. well decorated and tasteful, if not a bit maximalist. bilbo did almost all of the leg work for bagend to look as great as it does and frodo barely keeps up with chores. sunday is laundry day and he washes dishes half well but that’s about it.

sam: what a pleasant place to be. always has a cup of tea ready and slippers by the door. well maintained household, has a self-prescribed chore chart and weekly deep cleaning tasks. always has the guest bedroom made up and loves changing sheets.

pippin: hell hole. adhd clutter. it’s a miracle he functions half as well as he does. hired help comes every other day but you wouldn’t know it by the way things are. has four separate mold colonies in various spots of his bedroom. somehow lost his bedframe and sleeps with his mattress on the floor.

merry: well thought out design to minimize chores. you don’t need to sweep the floors if the whole house is carpeted. doesn’t need to change his bedding if he sleeps on top of the sheets, avoids dusting top shelves by having low to ground storage, etc. tried throwing out all his silverware to avoid dishes. sam regifted him the same set he threw out for his birthday. weird house but very functional.

gandalf: he has no house to keep or decorate. he does, however, keep and decorate others houses. he is my wildest dream and worst nightmare, will not help with dishes but takes to dusting the stairs for whatever reason. no, it is not something anyone asked him to do nor was it needed. leaves little presents around the house for you to find. i did not want a thimble full of sand, but thank you anyways.

aragorn: house husband. will not let his wife do dishes, sweep, take out the trash, or any chores if he can help it. acts of service are this man’s MO and he loves taking care of his wife and even if it’s by wrestling a dirty plate out of her hands. (arwen provides aragorn with a to-do list as well as explicit instructions on how to do them. she also writes the grocery list). arwen also decorated the house and it’s very classy yet cozy. tasteful grandma vibes.

boromir: hand carved mahogany furniture. beautiful cross stitch of his family, small wooden statues and trinkets. very lovely and hand crafted home that he takes care of to the best of his ability. it’s a bit stuffy and smells like pine, but is generally well maintained. his workshop, though, is spotless.

legolas: there’s a small tree growing out of his toilet and plant clippings in the sink. the bath is filled with dirt and rocks and there’s a small wild garden filling out his bathroom. it’s like a self maintained ecosystem and is almost impressive. dishes are everywhere and clothes artfully draped across the floor and every surface.

gimli: don’t ask to see his rock collection. it takes up the whole living room and is alphabetized. it is the focal point and he will stand in front of the shelves until you mention it. will give you a guided tour of his rocks. maintains it actively as well as the rest of his household. very conscious of dust and dirt, sweeps regularly. he needs to.

gollum: burn it. cave creature gremlin who fears the sun does not keep a pleasant abode. my hackles are raised and my feet slimed; this place is unknown grease and fish bones incarnate. i do not enter this place willingly and leave a changed soul. dank, damp and distasteful. there’s a pile of something in the corner that he either sleeps in or hides fish guts for later in. maybe both.

[mushroomates]

riffing on the elves +cows thing, what about thranduil's elk? elk milk? idk just had a thought

this is not what you meant but it is the best i can do given my current skills and time at my disposal. i present to you, MELK.

[mushroomates]

sorry for spam rebbloging I love ur posts!!

no worries at all! legolas has a gift to bestow via shitty doodle <3

[mushroomates]

You... should read the Silmarillion - I think you'll like it, also Gandalf when he was known as Olorin is mentioned (or is it lost tales?) where he denies the gods because he won't work when he can just carry on with smoking and chilling - also he's Maia (demi god in canon)

hehehehe you’ll never guess who started listening to it on audible and quickly got distracted (i do need to sit down and power through it one of these days)

[mushroomates]

I’m glad you’re posting again. I really enjoy reading your headcanons

!!!!!!! ur to kind!!! tysm :) i’ll try and be more consistent but i get busy and uhhhhhh yeah!!! i have no idea how old this is because i just rediscovered my ask box and will be going through them but thank you for ur kind words!! <3