my-notebook-of-nostalgia

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

alive 6/8/2023

i am going to be terrible at things

and laugh while i do it.

i am going to be mediocre

and content in this.

i will smile fearlessly

and love through vulnerability

i will cherish each moment

and make fun memories.

i can't wait to cry and scream

and jump with utmost pride.

i am going to live

and god does it feel good to be alive.

time: 9:01pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

hug 3/7/2023

you offered your arms and i said no;

i was scared that once there, i wouldn’t let go.

time: 11:17pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

bone 4/7/2023

i chase after this dream

this noble aspiration.

sunlight in the distance;

it blinds me as i continue to run

aimlessly hoping i stumble upon it

and then my feet trip and my

head thumps against the ground.

i glance up through squints of pain,

not the sunshine from before.

and i realise i’ve found it:

i’ve played fetch all along.

time: 12:02am

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

play 27/6/2023

can’t figure out

if i am the purest filth

or if perhaps

i am the dirtiest innocence.

the sweetest sinner

or the tainted angel?

i lick my lips,

bind my wrists

and let the music

play.

time: 9:31pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

the love i want 16/7/2023

i want a love that smells like freshly baked cookies when you walk in the door

and the cedarwood cologne that tickles your nose as you embrace.

i want a love that feels like a soft blanket wrapped around your shoulders

and the warmth of the fireplace that kisses your cheeks good evening.

i want a love that tastes like your favourite soup on your worst days

and the sprinkles of sugar that linger in the corner of a smile.

i want a love that sounds like the gentle purring of a cat

and the loving whispers echoed between stares of adoration.

i want a love that looks like mismatched fingers lacing together

and the silhouettes that merge under the shield of an umbrella.

i don’t want a love that makes my heart race;

i just want a love that sets my heart at ease.

time: 7:01pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

The vestiges of God have crumbled, and all that’s left is the hollow shell of what once was.

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

existence 14/6/2023

its not that i wanted to die;

i just didn’t see myself living.

a trauma i couldn’t quite place

with no fucks to be given.

long term goals

became the end of the month.

medium a week

and a day for short.

i didn’t know what to look

forward to anymore.

temporary joys

but nothing permanent.

time: 11:20pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

lovely 26/6/2023

people are so lovely

all these lovely people around me.

wouldn’t it be lovely

to be loved as just that:

a lovely human being.

time: 9:43pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖘

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

company 14/6/2023

i’m sorry i’m not the best company right now

i just didn’t want to be alone.

time: 2:01am

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

sin 8/6/2023

to love, not lust;

a most innocent sin.

all i crave is a brush

of soft skin to skin.

earn my trust

and my walls become thin.

lend your tender touch

and the devil shall win.

time: 10:04pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]

okay 6/3/2023

i am learning

to be okay

with not

being okay,

with not

being sure,

with not

being what i

thought i should be.

instead i choose

to be okay

simply being

me.

time: 11:00pm

[my-notebook-of-nostalgia]