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[my-wonderland-imagination]

Writing Prompt

"If I knew then what I know now..."

If I knew then what I know now, I never would have run from the one I was destined to love, nor would I have followed her to the ends of the earth under the pretense of love. If I could turn back time and rewrite my story, I would fall in love faster and I'd never leave his side this time. But this is no fairy tale, time shouldn't be rewritten, especially not by a moron. However, thanks to those stones, I got my second chance and this time I don't be wasting it.

Even when my mistakes cause too many problems to be coincidence. I won't let this chance slip away. Not again.

[my-wonderland-imagination]

The Anti-ed Danger

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.”

~ Stephen King

The Smile

Chapter one:

I wasn’t always so untrusting, I used to trust anyone, everyone who I spoke to or even smiled at me. When I smiled, laughed with people, I thought it was love; that people actually cared about me but I soon learned this wasn’t the case. My mind and heart was so innocent, pure and sweetly naȉve before a certain… let’s call it an ‘innocent’, happened then after that I started hearing the voices. They showed me what the world was really like and they helped me understand the truth behind the cruel-ness of reality. They taught me how to stop caring about what others thought and they showed me how to survive. That’s all I did now, I survived.

I suppose I should explain a bit about myself. Who I am, what I do, how I became like this, why I’m doing this… I guess I should start at the beginning. Seventeen years ago, on August 13th in the year 1993, a silent child was born. The moment her eyes opened, she smiled the sweetest, purest smile and captured the hearts of everyone around her. Her unfortunate name was Rosalyn Mae King. She was born with small tufts of shocking white hair and bright emerald green eyes. Fast forwards to when she’s five years old. She’s back in that same hospital, in the very same room she was born into. Only this time, she’s not smiling and she’s unsure on if she’ll ever smile again. She was brought into a world full of love and happiness, but after those five blissfully oblivious years, she was left alone in a world full of darkness and evil. That little girl learnt a harsh lesson that day, she learnt that the world isn’t full of cupcakes and rainbows but full of corruption and pain. Even with the help from the voices inside her head, she never understood why it had to be her.

After that moment in time, things only went downhill from there. Forced into the care of an estranged aunt from her father’s side, the girl grew up very quickly; always on the move from one town to the next, moving all around the globe without any escape from her unforgiving past.

Throughout the years, the girl grew, changed then grew again; everywhere she went, she learnt new ways to adapt and survive each and every scenario thrown at her. And each time she would finally mastered blending in, they moved and she was forced to start all over again. There wasn’t a moments rest, wasn’t a chance to enjoy anything, just constant change. Perhaps that’s why she became the way she did, quiet and secretive, observant and shy, yet dangerous and destructive, frightful and sly. Just a single glance at her and you’d never guess there was anything wrong with her. You’d never guess how dangerous she really was.

Now I’m getting off track, where was I? Right, surviving. If you haven’t already guess, I’m Rosalyn Mae King, the little girl who turned messed up at age five. That was twelve years ago, twelve years of moving about and hating every moment of it. The bright side of it was my cousin, Lillian. She always stuck up for me against my aunt and the people who tried to drive me out of their town. She was my first and my only best friend, the only person who could stand being around being around me and the weird things, dangerous things that always seemed to happen when I was around. She was the only person who believed me about the voices and tried to help me understand them. She was the only one I trusted with the truth. Until I met them, they helped me become a new person, a happier person.

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“A month? You barely lasted a month, A FUCKING MONTH! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU CAN’T EVEN LAST A MONTH OF BEING NORMAL! God, you worthless freak!” My aunt Francesca yelled, her eyes snapping to me repeatedly in the mirror as we drove out of Long Beach, New Jersey. My cousin, Lillian, rolled her eyes to me and started to mimic her mother.

“I cannot believe you managed to get us kicked out after a goddamn month… You know what, I can, I can believe that. I had date for God’s sake, a date set for this friday by the way. He was actually into me! What can’t you ever think of others for once in your pathetic life?! It’s all about you, isn’t it? It always has to be about you! The world doesn’t revolve around you, Rosalyn. In fact, you’re not even a fucking blimp on it, no one would even miss you if you suddenly disappeared!” I watched as her face started to turn into an ugly shade of purple of purple as she yelled, keeping silent. Lillian started making faces at her mother’s head, making fun of her words, trying to get me to laugh. I slowly shook my head at her and turned to stare out at the passing scenery. Feeling a poke in the arm, I turned back to Lillian in question. She held up her iPod and a spare pair of earbuds, smiling softly at me. She always knew how to cheer me up. Taking the earbuds, I watched her press play on our playlist and let the sounds of Sanity Falls wash away all my sadness of the day.

‘Can you feel it?’ I heard a voice whisper.

‘What are you waiting for? You’re story isn’t over…’ The voice whispered, breaking through my slumber.

‘It feels good knowing what you did. YOU DID THIS, HE’S NOT COMING BACK! HE EARNED IT, YOU BOTH DID!’ The voice was getting louder, almost screaming at me before it started laughing maniacally at me, mocking me. I tensed up in fear, I knew that laugh.

‘You all thought I was gone, not worrying about anything. But I’ve been here this entire time, keeping an eye on this. You stopped paying attention! You’re weak, just like HIM!’ It laughed, mocking me as I shook in fear, desperately trying to wake up, trying to open my eyes.

‘This isn’t over, I am in control now! You better be careful, because I’ll always be here, always there, always watching. Say goodbye to the one you love! See you soon, little girl.’ It uttered, the words echoing in my ears. Manic laughter jolted me awake, fear freezing me from within. I no longer felt safe.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. We were still in the car, driving to god knows where, there wasn’t anywhere safe for me. It was barren land of nothing but trees, there wasn’t even a speck that indicated that any human being had even discovered the wasteland of trees. Perhaps I would find eternal peace here, this was my last chance to hide from it all, my last chance to start over again. I felt a nudge on my arm and turned my head towards the source, my Lillian. She gently tugged an earbud out of my ear and leaned close to whisper to me,

“Hey Ros, you okay? You looked like you were having an episode, was it the voices again? What did they say?” I stared back at her, unable to speak. I was scared to, we both thought the manic voice had just disappeared, gone for good. I used to listen to that voice the most, it taught me a lot, it showed me how to survive. It was my greatest and only ally, before it showed it’s true colours. It was dangerous, it caused more trouble for Lillian than it did to me. She was the one who always cleaned up the mess I created, but she also took a heavy hit with all the bullying and abuse from others as well. Even from her own mother, my aunt.

I shook my head at her and leaned my head to rest against her shoulder. I heard the whispers of the voices startup as I snuggled myself closer to her side, Lillian watched me in concern. I whispered against her neck, watching out for my aunt,

“It’s back Lil, it’s back and it’s worse than before. I’m scared that this time it’ll kill someone, It’s dangerous.” I shuddered in fear and tucked my face into the soft skin on the crook of her neck. She was my only safety net, my angel in this lonely world. I felt rather than heard her suck a deep breath in and turn to me, wrapping her arms around me tightly,

“Are you sure? Rosie are you absolutely certain about that? Is it really back?” she asked, her face nuzzling itself into my hair, hiding under my hood. This was our secret code to stay quiet with our secret conversations, about the voices anyway. Aunt Francesca didn’t believe me about the voices, she just thought I was a monster who was far too dangerous to be alive. She wasn’t completely wrong, only it wasn’t me. Not completely anyway. It was the Anti-Me, the me that took over when the manic voice came out to play. It was as if it controlled my every word, my every action and it was the reason behind every consequence against both Lillian and I.

I nodded and sighed softly. All I knew was that we were in big trouble. I only hoped that this time no one would end up hurt or worse, dead. Onto the next town and the next adventure. Good luck to them all.

[my-wonderland-imagination]

The Anti-ed Danger

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Danger And Me

Prologue:

Everyone has a routine, a constant in their lives. Some of us enjoy it, we look forwards to it and praise it. But others of us dread it, we get scared at even the thought of it. No matter what, we all relive it, in our dreams or nightmares, in our memories, in our thoughts and emotions, every day and night whether its conscious or in our subconscious. I guess I’m no different than everyone else, an endless cycle of nightmares, battles and wars; against myself, against the world, against everyone else.

Yet when I was a little girl, in the first few years of my life, I was free from the reality of the world. I believed that there was only one true evil of the world, the Devil, but he couldn’t touch us because the angels were protecting us. I thought the devil was a tall man with dark red skin and had sharp, pointed horns on his head. I believed that he had a long, spiked tail and that he carried a dangerously evil pitch fork, that he used to force the unworthy down to Hell. I thought that those who lived in Sin and used that Sin to harm others deserved to die in that Sin. I believed that only the bad people got the bad stuff, I thought that only they would experience the true wrath of God. Once upon a time, I believed all of this. I was stupid and naȉve.

Perhaps that’s why it happened to me, that’s why I went through the worst pain imaginable. I stopped believing in Gods and miracles, I stopped believing and thinking about angels protecting us and the devil only going after the bad people. I was no longer afraid of evil, I no longer pitied those who went down the wrong path in life. But I also no longer felt happiness, anger nor sadness. This made people very afraid of me, afraid of the monster they had created inside a tiny, innocent girl. My fear fueled their anger, my pity created their consequences, my monster was their faults. They were all so very afraid. They made me into the worlds most feared. Soon there was little to no escape for me. I would hear rumors and stories about myself, supposed secrets I kept, terrors I had somehow created. They got scared when I seemed unfazed, unwilling to crack under the pressure of their intense hatred.

They always seemed so surprised when I refused to tell them anything, confused on why I held all my cards so close to my chest. Then seemed almost seemed disappointed or relieved when I left their town for someplace new. I hid the fact that I heard voices, hid the truth about me being a wretched evil, tainted by all the darkness of the world. I learnt young that if you tried to tell the truth, they’d call you a freak and put you on trial to go to an insane asylum. It became clear that keeping quiet was always the best interest of myself and everyone around me.

I regret my own stupidity for believing the lies around me and for thinking that someone would understand. There are bigger things to fear in this world, more logical and practical things to be scared of. Like human beings being one of them, the original idea of the devil was painted by the Bible was wrong. “The Devil was once an Angel, and he was God’s favourite.” He could be anyone, do anything and no one would realise it, not even when it’s too late. Fearing people is far more realistic than a story made up by fanatics, fairy tales of miracles and lies. People are far more likely to turn out as monsters. However people seemed to always afraid of me, a 4 foot 6 girl who had giant green eyes with cotton candy pink and dazzling white hair? How is pink scary? Okay, maybe it kind of is but I dyed it to become less frightening. I was a tiny girl who frightened even the most powerful and bravest of men, it’s a little ironic. There is only one thing that could ever scare me. I had met evil and darkness, I knew the truth behind it. I had been tainted by it. And the worst part of it? I wasn’t actually scared at all, but I did use it to get what I wanted, what I dreamed of… Life. How scary is that?

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Seven Sins That Are Deadly

“Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the lord will never count against him.”

Romans 4:7-8

I was drowning, there was no way out of this watery grave. The light was disappearing,darkness replacing the world around me with every passing second as I slowly sank into nothing.

“Let me help you, just accept me. I will be yours as you will be mine. Let me be your sin… Let me be YOUR sin.” A voice whispered, the sound seemingly echoing in my ears. Hands reached towards me, just infiltrating the darkness that surrounded me.

“Let me help you and I will forever be your sin. Accept me and command me to do your bidding. I will be your pawn.” The voice whispered, the word ‘pawn’ wrapping itself around my mind. I opened my mouth and watched as the bubbles took the last of the air in my losing lungs. The darkness finally stole the last of the light in my failing vision… My sin, I hated my sins, my wretched mistakes but… This time, THIS TIME my sin will save me.

“Yes… My sin, you’re my sin.” I managed to get out into the water. Finally as I lost my grip on my consciousness, I felt my body being lifted up and out of the deep, darkened water… My would be watery grave.

“I shall protect you, my master.” The voice said, warmth blowing gently against my ear. I smiled loosely before everything finally went blank.

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They grabbed my arms and held me still, forcing me to my knees. I watched my master fight a losing battle, blood dripping into her eye from a cut on her forehead and down her arm, droplets slowly sliding off her finger tips of the useless arm. It dangled by her side after multiple hits in the unfair battle against one of HIS minions. Barely able to stand but yet, she refused to back down and run when I told her to.

“Master! Master!” I yelled, begging to get her attention. She ignored me, purposely turning herself to avoid looking at me.

“Listen to me, you stubborn woman! You need to get out of here!” I yelled, urging her to escape. Her opponent laughed and lunged, slicing at her. I watched her fall into the body of water behind her, her body going slack with defeat and resignation. Everything blurred around me, I lost all control until there was only a blur of red. I launched myself into the water after my master, hoping to reach her before I lost her again.

Her eyes were closing, bubbles streaming from her mouth. She was getting further and further away from me. I reached out and spoke to her,

“Let me help you, just accept me. I will be yours as you will be mine.” My heart spluttered as I spoke the words of her belonging to me,

“Let me be your sin… Let me be YOUR sin.” I finally reach her, my arms finally able to wrap around her,

“Let me help you and I will forever be your sin. Accept me and command me to do your bidding. I will be your pawn.” I pleaded to her, watching her lips open as if to reply.

“Yes… My sin, you’re my sin.” She whimpered into the water, finally losing consciousness. I tightened my grip around her and started pulling her towards the surface.

“I shall protect you, my master.” I whispered in her ear, holding her close to my chest. She smiled as she rested against me.

“I will protect you, my master. I will protect you with my life.” I say into her hair, walking through the mess of blood. I won’t fail again.

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Mother Russia's Ice Tiger

Chapter Two: Warm Kitty

Otabek’s Point Of View:

I frowned slightly as I looked around the banquet hall, there was a lot of people. It made me worry about Yura, he wasn’t very good with crowds when he wasn’t on ice. Everyone always treated like a weak, vulnerable child, not the ferocious tiger he really was… Though, I was the only person to see the true person under his mask, the adorable, little kitten who loved a good cuddle and fluffy blankets. It was fun being with Yuri, he always dropped his guard around me and just let himself be... Well himself. He would pout and sulk if something didn’t go his way, but that’s what made him so precious to me, because the things he pouted and sulked about were always about me, my clothes, my bear, my bike, even my cuddles, he’d complain if my arms weren’t wrapped tight enough around him and that he wasn’t close enough to me, even if he was in my lap.

My Yura, my kitten. I was lucky, so lucky to see him again. After our first encounter in the ballet school... I wanted to see more of him, I wanted just him. He put me in a trance with his beautiful dancing and those lively green eyes of his... The unforgettable eyes of a soldier, that’s what really drew me in. He captured my heart from a young age and I can honestly say, I’ve never been happier. I couldn’t imagine anyone else having my heart but Yura. He was the one thing that pushed me to try my best at skating, to exceed all the limits and push further. He’s what inspired me to continue skating, to try and win no matter what. And after our fateful encounter in Barcelona, he still hadn’t changed, only got a little taller, a hundred times sassier and had a foul-mouth. Now I’m not one for cursing but whenever Yura shouted a cuss word, it sends a shot of heat throughout my body. As if I couldn’t get enough of his voice, the thought of the dirty words leaving his angelic lips with that musical innocent tone that was his voice made me shiver with delight. He was downright sinful, from his gorgeous blonde hair that usually covered half of his face, the fierce attitude he had when arguing with someone(usually about why cats are superior), the sweet tone of his voice when he’s tired and just wants to be held close and tight, the beautiful green of his eyes that can cause you to get lost in without care, the soft, pink lips that he chews on when he’s anxious or thinking. My mind slowly starts wondering to his body, the height of the delicate tiger that fits perfectly under my chin, the small soft flesh that covers him, perfect size for my arms when we cuddle, the long shapely legs that slowly lead up to- DAMNIT I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep thinking about him in that way when theres people around, it’ll cause me more problems than what I have to deal with already.

Sighing, I look around and try to spot my Yura, desperate to see him to calm my own nerves. Nodding unconsciously at what my coach says to the new sponsors, I spot him sulking next to Viktor, pout on his lips, arms crossed angrily, but his eyes searching frantically, scared and desperate for something. Soon they land on me and relief fills them, but the fear still doesn’t leave them, I knew this was a bad idea for him.

“And Otabek is just ready to take gold next season, he’s got so many new ideas and dances ready to go. You just can’t stop him once he starts-” my coach babbled on, gesturing at me. The sponsors nodded and turned their attention to me, eyes expectant for me to play along and tell them something they want to hear. Clearing my throat, I put the champagne glass down and smile bleakly at them,

“I apologise to cut this meeting short but I’m afraid I need to go and talk to one of the competitors, I promised we’d discuss the new season and possibly doing a piece together, if not just choreographing something for them.” I say dryly, my voice monotone and devoid from any sort of implication on whom I wanted to speak to.

“That’s Otabek, always ready to go back to training, striving to do his best and win that gold.” my coach says and slaps my shoulder with a forced laugh, I just gave them a half smirk and nodded towards them,

“If you’ll excuse me.” I say and turn around, walking away from them and towards my Yura. He watches me come closer and sighs audibly in relief, moving forwards to meet me halfway but gets stopped by Lila who whispers something to him and pulls him to a elderly couple. I could hear them from my position, they were cooing at him and started pinching his cheeks, talking about how adorable he was and how he was such a well trained little girl. I could see that he was getting angrier and angrier by the second, so could Lila, Yakov, Viktor and everyone else but the couple in front of him. He was ready to blow, I could see it and I knew that was my cue to step in.

“Excuse me sir, ma’am but I’m afraid I’m going to need to steal Yuri away from you two. I had promised to speak to him about the upcoming season and the new choreography, we thought we might do a duet perhaps or I sort his next piece for him.” I cut in, their ramblings cut short with my blunt tone. My hand gently wrapped itself around Yura’s wrist and slowly tugged him closer to me.

“Oh yes of course! Wow, you skaters sure mean business for next year, I can’t wait to see!” The lady said which turned my thoughts dark and menacing,

‘Oh yes, I’m sure. It will surely be a season to remember.’ I chuckled lowly, my lips turning up at the corners,

“If you’ll excuse us. Ms Lila, Mr Yakov we may be a while so I’ll make sure Yura gets back safely and on time.” I say, turning my gaze on her and Yakov to let them know that I was taking him away from the banquet. Yakov just nodded at me and shot a look at Lila when she opened her mouth to argue, which made her look over at Yura and shut it closed at the look on his face.

“Very well, training won’t be until tomorrow afternoon at 1 pm sharp, don’t be late little ballerina, am I understood?” she asks, causing Yura to nod at her. Nodding my head one last time, I turned and started pulling Yura out of the banquet room and out of the venue. Pulling him towards my bike, I turned around and pulled him into my arms, wrapping them around him tightly, tucking him close to my body. He slowly deflated into me, fingers gripping onto my jacket tightly as his breathing quickened then slowed.

“You ready to go, Yura? We can go get some ice cream before we go back to the hotel to make our fort.” He just nodded against me and slumped against me, suddenly drained of energy.

“It’s okay kitten, I got you.”

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Mother Russia's Ice Tiger

Chapter One: Soft Kitty

Yurio's POV:

I glared at the mirror that held my reflection, I had to wear a suit again, only this time I wasn’t allowed to wear my tiger-print tie this time, Lila demanded I look cute and innocent for sponsors for next year’s Figure Skating Training and Contest. I honestly couldn't care less, I just wanted to be fierce... I bet Beka didn’t have to deal with this bullshit with his coach.

Sending one final glare at the mirror, I grabbed my phone and key pass then kicked the room door open, slamming it closed behind me to show off my anger to everyone around me,

“Damn kitten, what's got you in a mood?” Speak of the devil, his voice was deep and his accent thickened on my nickname, causing a shiver to go down my spine, I could've meowed then and there, melting at his voice.

“Lila said I couldn't wear my tiger-print tie and got the old hag to hide it from me, putting it in the one place I couldn't reach.” I scowled and glared at the floor, puckering my lips into a sulky pout. I felt his fingers gently stroke the top of my head as he chuckled at my misfortune, I snapped my head up to turn my icy glare on him, only to freeze in place with my breath hitching in my throat. Fuck me, he looked fucking sexy. Fucking Tiger sexy. His hair was loosely styled back, he was wearing a black suit with a bow tie neatly placed at his neck, his jacket undone and one of his hands resting casually in his left side trouser pocket. His face was soft with a slight smile as he gazed down at me, his beautifully dark eyes, held mischief and pride, encasing me in them, swallowing me whole.

“You okay there kitten? You’ve gone bright red, you aren't coming down with something are you?” His voice held a slight smirk as his lips twitched at me, snapping me out of my trance.

“Sh-sh-shut up. I wasn't staring or anything, you just look weird with that soft smile on your face, that's all.” I tried to regain my cool composure but it was hard, it was like my heart was trying to explode out my chest and into his hands. I felt my face grow hotter as I dropped my gaze back to the floor, hiding behind my messy locks.

He just chuckled and threw his arm over my shoulder, steering me towards the elevator,

“Come on kitten, we have to go. I even asked Lila if I could take you on the bike, she said yes as long as you wear your helmet and don’t cause any trouble. I think she feels bad about taking away your tiger print.” I pouted at him as he pulled me through the hotel lobby, and outside to his bike.

He threw the helmet to me but I didn’t make any move to put it on, my pout growing and my eyes starting to water. Beka turned to see if I was ready only to freeze at my face,

“Yura? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He panicked and pulled me to him, holding me to his chest tightly,

“Yura, why are you crying? Do you not feel well? Should I call Lila and Yakov and tell them you’re unwell and can’t go to the banquet? I can if you want.” That just made me cry even more, I was truly grateful for the man holding me, my best friend, he did everything he could to make me happy, he was my life and I was terrified he’d leave me one day. My Beka, my one and only friend, my everything. I couldn’t tell him that I loved him, I couldn’t burden him with me like that, and he truly didn’t deserve it.

“Yura, tell me what’s wrong, tell me how to fix it, please.” His voice was soft in my ear as he held me closer, his fingers gently running themselves through my hair. Without even looking at him, I knew his face would be soft and kind, that special little look in his eyes that he reserved just for me, a frown covering his lips as he tried to get me to talk, I felt like I was special to be the only person to get a reaction like this out of him, to get him to break his hard shell into a giant, loving teddy bear... He truly was a teddy bear, a softie for me and me only, but one day, I wouldn’t be special anymore, he’d get a girlfriend, a wife and she’d be the one to get all these reactions out of him, I’d be left abandoned and forgotten, I’d never see that soft smile anymore, I wouldn’t be able to get that teasing smirk that never failed to colour my cheeks pink. And I was scared of the day I’d lose him.

“Beka?” I whispered timidly against his chest,

“Yes Yura? What’s wrong, my kitten?” His voice was a soft whisper in my hair, making my body melt into his almost instantly,

“Promise me you’ll never forget me, please.” I was scared to look up to see his face, just in case he would laugh at my stupid request. I felt his chest vibrate under my cheek, his laughter soft and warm,

“Oh my little kitten, how could I ever forget you? You have the most beautiful eyes, the unforgettable eyes of a soldier, and your hairs soft, silky, like liquid gold. Your unique personality, with that adorable, kitten like face of yours. And when you smile, damn Yura, you put me in such a trance that I can barely breathe without thinking, ‘Fuck I want to see that smile more. I want to protect that smile, it’s so rare and so valuable.’ You’re special to me Yura, I can’t ever forget you, even if you told me to, okay?” Gripping onto him tighter, I let out a strangled laugh through my tears,

“Beka, you old sap. You’re so gross with all that mushy shit.” He laughed along with me before carefully pulling away, wiping my eyes with his thumbs.

“Now, now kitten, you aren’t crying, are you? The Great Ice Tiger of Russia never cries, he never shows weakness, nor does he ever back down. That’s what makes me look up to you... even if you are shorter than me.” That bastard just had to bring my height into this, didn’t he? But strangely, I didn’t mind the teasing when it was him, I liked being smaller than Beka, it meant I could cuddle him more and I could use him as a human shield for when Viktor or Katsudon tried to hug me. And he really was a brilliant human bed, he always let me make forts with him, making sure they were small enough to fit more than three of me, where he would hold me until I fell asleep. I don’t know what I would be without him.

“Come on, Yura. Let’s get going, or we’re going to miss the banquet. And I’m sure it’ll be just as fun this year as it was last year.” He chuckled with the memories from what I told him and the photos that Hamster-boy showed him. Let’s just hope there’s no more embarrassing dance battles this year, I don’t think I ever want Beka to witness me dancing when it’s not on ice... Or away from his arms... SHUT UP YURA! YOU CAN’T BE THINKING LIKE THAT! BEKA DOESN’T CARE FOR YOU IN THAT WAY, HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND. THAT ‘S ALL! But god do I wish he was more than that, is this normal in friendships? Liking them so much that you fall in love? Is this what Katsudon and Hamster-boy went through? I don’t know, ARRRRGGGGHHHH!

“Yura, is everything alright? Why are you screaming? I know you hate everyone but surely it can’t be that bad, can it?” Beka looked at me in concern, cutting off my thoughts and my apparent screaming. Well shit, I thought I was screaming in my head, not out loud. That’s embarrassing.

“Sorry, just... Thinking too much that’s all, can we go now? Please?” I asked and jumped on his bike, gripping the leather seat hard.

“We can, once your helmets on. I don’t want anything to happen to you, okay?” Beka laughed softly and fastened the helmet on my head, making sure the strap fit perfectly before getting on and starting the bike up, making me jolt forwards to cling to his waist. It was the only time people didn’t judge me for holding onto him like he was my lifeline, my only lifeline.

The ride to the hall that held the banquet this year was short but that didn’t stop me from cherishing it just as much. Even when we stopped and were helmetless, I didn’t let go of him, I only tightened my grip on him and hid my face against his back.

“Hey, Yura. Don’t worry okay? I’ll be right by your side the whole night, and if you start to really hate it, we’ll bunk out and go back to the hotel. I think it’s been a while since we made a fort, don’t you agree?” Beka said, his hands gently unwrapping my arms from his waist. We still didn’t move to go in, I just sat there, staring at the ground. I felt him sigh rather than heard him before I was back in his arms in a tight grip.

“Don’t worry Yura, I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.” His promise only made me feel smaller than I actually was, making me feel like the weak, vulnerable kitten that everyone viewed me as.

“Come on Ice Tiger, let’s show these sponsors what the proud nation of Russia has to offer, yeah?” His light teasing made me smile, I really was lucky to be the only one to witness this side of him. I watched as his soft, teasing smile turn to an emotionless mask, yet the amusement in his eyes never left, it stayed there. I loved that his eyes were so expressive, they always told me what he was thinking, what he was feeling, and I felt like I was the only person who was able to read them. He even told me that I was the only person who could read him, and he was glad I could.

Taking a deep breath, I got off the bike and gripped his hand in my own. Nodding my head, we started walking into the hall, slowly letting go of each other as we got closer to everyone else. No matter what happens tonight, I’m just glad I could have Beka beside me this year, my best friend, my only friend... My everything.

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Mother Russia's Ice Tiger

Prologue-

If you had told me three years ago that I’d would have won a gold medal in the Grand Prix, with a skate choreographed by that shit head Viktor Nikiforov, winning against that little piggy, Yuuri Katsuki, and falling in love with my first ever best friend, WHOSE A FUCKING GUY, Otabek Altin... I would’ve cut you with my knife shoes, laughing manically as you screamed in pain... but here I am, winner of the Grand Prix, with Katsuki second and beside me, smiling proudly, Beka smiling over at me with his thumbs up, Viktor clapping and screaming that he’s proud of his fiancé and his son(WHICH I AM NOT!) and for once, I don’t feel angry, I don’t want to hit or throw anything, for once I feel truly... happy... I’m happy, I’m proud of what I’ve managed to achieve, for being able to finally show that I’m more than a kid with anger issues and that I can do anything, that I’m not just some liability...

A liability... That’s what she called me, a worthless liability... My supposed mother, she never cared, and she couldn’t have given a damn about me, when I was younger to me now. And that sperm donor that she called my father, I couldn’t give two shits about him nor who he was. He left us both, he didn’t care, the minute he found out she was pregnant with me, and he was out of the door faster than you could say “Pirozhki”. Ha, who could ever give a damn about someone like him?!

That’s when everything went downhill... Mama decided drugs and alcohol were the way to go... They were more important than me, more important than food or the house, and far more important than her job. The day I was taken away from her, I screamed for my mother, crying out her name, clinging onto her thin, sickly arms, begging for her to keep me. I’ll never forget that day... The anger in her eyes, the hatred burning towards me, igniting me from the inside out as she screamed back, screaming abuse at me, putting all the blame on me... I suppose she was right, if I hadn’t been produced, HE would’ve stayed, SHE would’ve been able to further her career, THEY’D be happy together... And Grandpa wouldn’t have been burdened with me, a stupid five year old, clinging to a ratty old cat plushie, given to me by one of Mamas junkie friends in pity after I got slapped again, after asking her where my daddy was for the supposed hundredth time, she hated me for driving him away, maybe she was right... It was my fault he left, neither of them wanted a kid, especially not a weak, worthless one like me...

No one wanted me, why would they? I was nothing, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many medals I win, I wasn’t ever going to be good enough. She was rig-

“Yurio! I’m so proud of you, you truly did deserve the gold. And I’m grateful that you did, as much as I wanted to retire to give Viktor his chance to go back, I felt as if we were going too fast and I didn’t want to give up what I loved doing, even if I’m a terrible skater. Thank you.” Yuuri smiled down at me and pulled me into a tight hug, holding me close to him as he laughed softly. Tears started to fall from my eyes and onto his chest, I’ve never experienced motherly love before but now, from Yuuri, it’s all I could feel.

“Sh-sh-shut up, p-p-pig! I d-d-didn’t do it f-f-for you o-o-okay?! I h-h-had to w-w-win, I d-d-deserved to!” it was hard to get my words out whilst sobbing against him, he didn’t say a word though, just tightened his hold around me, I have never felt so loved or protected in my life, not from Yakov, or Lila, not from Otabek, my best friend turned crush, not even from my beloved Grandpa.

“You know, Viktor had mentioned adopting you, he wanted us to become a proper family, and as much as I would love that, I told him that it isn’t up to us to decide, it’s your decision. But even if you say no, you’ll always have a place with us, no matter what happens, we’ll always accept you with open arms. You’re like a son to us and we both love you very much, even when you have those god awful temper tantrums of yours, ha ha.” I couldn’t help but let a strangled laugh as he laughed.

I felt him shift as he looked up at the extra idiot he calls a fiancé. I couldn’t help but wonder if he really meant it, adoption... Living as a family... It sounded like a cruel nightmare and they were just joking, that they didn’t really want me...

“Do you really mean it…? About adopting me…?” I asked timidly, too scared to even look up at him, just in case it was a cruel joke,

“Of course, we’d love to adopt you. You’re like our son already, we just wanted you to have a say in all of it too, Viktors excited about it, he started making a room for you in his apartment and started to teach Makkachin to be nice to cats, though I doubt he’s going to succeed, the man himself isn’t overly fond of them either. What do you say, be our small, angry Russian son?” He chuckled and pulled away slightly, a soft smile decorating his face, ruining his Eros image he made on the ice. I nodded slowly, letting more tears fall down my face.

I had a family now... A real fami-WAIT WHAT DID HE SAY?!

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE ISN’T FOND OF CATS?! HEY, OLD MAN! WHAT’S WRONG WITH CATS?!” I yelled over at the idiot, his stupid heart shaped smile widening as he waved over at us, laughing stupidly at my comment. Did this bastard think I wasn’t serious? I can’t have someone who dislikes cats in my life, fuck that! I’m just glad Beka likes them, and tigers, because I would seriously kick his ass if he didn’t.

I looked over my best friend, my Beka, with his weird ass bear that he named Kitten after me. I admit, it was soft and cuddly and damn did it smell good, it smelt like him and that was my favourite scent in the world, my own piece of catnip. So whenever we were hanging out after practice, I’d fall asleep against him, clinging to that stupid bear that I claimed as mine after having a little wrestling match, that he always let me win after I pouted at him, and I’d end up waking up to myself curled up against his chest with his hoodie on me, which he somehow managed to slip over me and keep the bear out of it, his fingers tangled in my messy blonde hair and his eyes closed, dead to the world and yet cradling me close to him, almost as if he was protecting me from the outside world, from my past and the darkness that still lingers around me. I loved those nights, Grandpa wouldn’t mind me staying with him, Beka usually sent him a message to tell him that I fell asleep again and that he would bring me back, dressed in clean clothes, fed and happy, with the amount of times it happened, I now have clothes in his suitcase, though I usually stole something of his, one of his hoodies, a scarf, a tee, just something that was his (He’d always give me this look then would chuckle at me, shaking his head before making sure that the helmet was tight and sturdy on my head). Lila would’ve told Yakov that I was allowed to spend the night with my best friend because I’ve been training hard enough to get a little break and it's good for my body to relax in comfort, seeing as I usually had nightmares when we stayed in hotel rooms and I was away from my personal drug that was the only thing that could comfort me.

It’s weird how easy it was to get used to Beka, it took me years to get used to Yakov, I’m still not used to that old hag, Mila, no matter what she tries. I’m still trying with Lila, even if she’s nicer than Yakov and helps me keep my flexibility. I will never get used to Viktors extra, stupid ass, and Katsudon… He’s just there, whenever I need him or need someone to yell at, he always takes it and helps me. But Beka, when he told me about how we met years ago, and what he thought the moment he saw me... Fuck, I melted, he’s everything to me, my best friend, my crush... He’s always there to cheer me up when I need it, with his totally awesome bike, he’s always there to save me from crazy fangirls and I don’t know what I’d do without him there to make me laugh, he makes me feel more... Human, he’s my Agape... My Agape, fuuuuuccccckkkkkkk, why does he have to be so cool, and sweet and fucking hell, he’s so fucking hot... But most of all, why did he choose me? Why did he want to be friends with me?

No one’s ever wanted to be friends with me before, everyone’s always thought of me as the angry, spoilt, Russian child who hates the world and everyone in it, I may look delicate but my personality ‘clashes with my innocent look, especially when I skate’ but he didn’t say that, he said that I was rude, arrogant, angry, resentful, crazy, foul-mouthed but that’s what made me so unique, especially when I skate because it showed how human I really was, I was real not some fake like some people * cough JJ cough * and I was able to show everyone that you should never judge a book by its cover... He was good with words like that, he melted my icy heart and settled into a special place in it, and I’m terrified he might leave once he finds out about my past... He might think I’m a liability, that I’m worthless, just like Mama said, that’s why I keep everyone at arm’s length, because of how terrified I am that they’ll leave once they see, that they’ll lie like she did and will throw me away like I’m nothing.

I may act like I’m this scary, angry, Ice Tiger of Mother Russia but really, I’m this scared, broken, lost, little kitten, desperately trying to survive in the big bad world of sharks, that’s all. But with my Beka, with the idiot Viktor, and the piggy, Katsudon, I think that maybe I can become a real Ice Tiger of Mother Russia and do them proud, I have to make everyone proud, so then they won’t abandon me, I can’t have anyone else abandon me, it’d destroy me...

[my-wonderland-imagination]

The Letters - Part 3

She watched the television, eyes flickering to the smoke in the background before lingering on the anchor man who spoke about the incident. Frowning, she watched the images on the screen change to another crime scene, this one describing a mugging gone wrong. Turning her head to look out the window, she gazed at the sky, mind churning with the new information. She wanted to get the bad out, she had to, and she knew just how to.

Dear Little Painter,

Did you see the news? They say that one of the victims was a benefactor to the gallery you had your last show at and the other was a curator who held an exhibition and didn’t end up putting your works on show. It’s just horrible how corrupt and dangerous this world is, how are you feeling about all of this? Are you doing okay? I’m sorry if you had to watch the horror but there’s little to no way that we can get the news crews to stop reporting the events that happened. I hope you’re doing okay, please stay safe until the people behind these horror shows are caught and put in prison where they belong. 

Maybe you should skip your next showing, stay at home where you’re more safe. I dread the thought of you getting hurt, I do hope you’re safe, please stay safe.

Yours kindly,

The Lost Painter 

Fire erupted on the canvas, each detail capturing the danger behind the crazy inferno that she painted. Biting her lip, she turned her face to the paper that held dangers, scaring her into silence. She never wanted this, she never asked for this, but this was her price to pay and she knew it would be a hefty one, just not one that caused mayhem for others. Turning back to the flames that seemed to jump off the paper in front of her, a lone tear trailed down her face, dropping onto the paint in her hand. She never wanted any of this, she just wanted to show the world her reality in peace. More tears followed until she was slumped forwards, her eyes creating another vision she didn’t want people to see… Her fear.

My dearest flower,

Did you see my presents? Did you like them? I missed you at your showing, they said you called off sick and that you couldn’t leave the house. I do hope you’re okay, you didn’t really miss much. Another self-indulged trust fund baby criticising your masterpieces, critics shocked at how bold you were this time in your works. Did I inspire you like you inspire me? I shall have another gift for you soon, I can’t wait to see you again. Get better soon my love.

Your eternal love,

The one who adores you. 

“HELP ME! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!” A lone voice screamed out in the darkness, echoing across the dark water. Laughter bubbled from his throat, it was filled with malice and joy as the helpless fool begged and begged.

“No one can hear you now but by all means, scream all you want. It just makes this all the more fun.” He sneered, a sinister smirk gracing his lips. His prey screamed helplessly, sobbing as the thought finally clicked in their head, they were going to die here and no one will be there to save them.

“Now now, where’s those pretty little screams? I was rather enjoying that. No? Well then I guess it’s bye bye time.” He laughed and shoved the now defeated body into the water, watching it sink down with the cinder blocks that were strapped to their limbs. Smirking down into the inky abyss, he watched as they took their last breath under the water before turning and walking away, whistling a tune filled with glee and happiness. 

‘Oh she is going to love this one.’ he thought darkly to himself.

[my-wonderland-imagination]

The Letters - Part 2

She smiled softly at the group in front of her, her fingers playing a quiet melody on the stem of the champagne glass in her hands. She didn’t want to be here, speaking to these people, she wanted to be at home, painting the ocean within a dark storm, painting the sky after a summer day, paint the flowers that bloomed in the gardens around her home, she just wanted to be anywhere but here. But she had made a promise, an unspoken agreement that she would participate when sharing her visions to the world, expressing what she could see and showing others how beautiful the darkness of the world could be. It was her duty as an artist.

Dear Little Painter,

I saw your recent vision, it was beautiful. I never noticed how much the night sky would look so beautiful during a thunderstorm, especially one as dramatic as that. Tell me, how is it you can see such beauty in the darkest of things and recreate that very same beauty so perfectly? Ah forgive me, I’m bugging you about tips when I should learn this for myself if I want to become the type of artist and person I want to become. 

I saw you earlier, during the exhibition, you looked sad and uncomfortable, did you not want to be there? I should’ve come over to rescue you but I must admit, the group of people you were standing with seemed very intimidating. What were you playing on your glass? It looked very complicated but it sounded rather sweet, almost as if you were playing a lullaby or something. Ah sorry, forgive me I’m rambling again.

Yours kindly,

The Lost Painter 

Laughing softly, paint flew across the room, hitting the already splattered walls along with a fresh, blank canvas. Bright colors coated the plain white fabric and created another world of spirals, splodges and smudges. Humming along to the keys of a piano, she grabbed a paint brush from an overflowing jar and started mixing the fresh paint on the canvas, creating new colors and styles for the latest new vision. This time she was going to share a personal piece of her own little reality.

My dearest flower,

I saw you earlier, I watched you smile flirtatiously at that man and laugh at his stupid jokes. Who was that you were talking to? You know I don’t like it when you speak to other men. Why are you doing this? Are you trying to punish me? If you keep pushing me, then I’ll have to do something you’ll regret and it’ll be all your fault. You know I can see everything you do so tell me why would you do that? Do I not give you enough attention? I should punish you but I know it’s not your fault for being so cute, so sweet, so beautiful. However I will show you what happens when you upset me, I do hope you weren’t fond of that man. I love you, you should know that by now and I do this all out of love. Make sure to be a good girl, I’d hate to punish you even worse.

Your eternal love,

The one who adores you. 

Screams of agony came from the flames, he stood back watching the fire eat up the wooden structure, leaving the shell of a once gorgeous house. Smirking darkly, he threw the can of gasoline into the hungry inferno. Tutting to himself, he turned around and stalked down the dark streets, listening to the echoing screams of neighbors and victims. 

“Such a naughty girl to cause all of this, I do hope she listens to me now.” he muttered darkly, eyes flashing wildly with anger and satisfaction.

[my-wonderland-imagination]

The Letters - Part 1

She tilted her head at the canvas in front of her, looking at it like a lost puppy. Huffing softly that moved the fluffy hair in front of her face, she squinted her eyes at the mixture of colors that painted her ideal world. Tilting her head to the other side, she dabbed her brush against the edges of the mess in front of her, biting her lip in concentration. It still didn’t look right to her, nothing did.

Dear Little Painter,

It’s been a while since I last saw your work, I do hope you’re okay. The curator hasn’t seen you around either, your works are missing from the walls and has created spaces in everyone's imagination. I miss the sounds your visions shared, the smell of the paint that surrounded each idea, the softness of the canvased location. I must admit, I regret not plucking up the courage to meet you, I admit it wasn’t my finest moment and I made that mistake of being a coward, but I do hope to one day have the courage to meet you face to face. I want to see your eyes, to take a look into the orbs that created such masterpieces. I want to hear your voice, to hear the passions leave your lips. I want to watch you paint, create the wonders of your inner mind. Ah… that’s a little creepy forgive me, I just wish to meet the person who inspires me to create my own art and to go out of my comfort zone in our profession.

Yours kindly,

The Lost Painter 

Humming softly, she wiped the back of her hand against her cheek, attempting to move the hair that feathered against her skin. Flicking her wrist gently, white specks appeared on the deep colors that dominated her canvas, sharing a story in the most subtle way it could. Dancing around the room, knocking old pots of paints and brushes onto the flower, she smiled as she finally finished the piece that plagued her dreams for weeks. It was finally perfect, in a room filled with organized chaos, a masterpiece was created. There was nothing more beautiful than a night sky filled with stars and a smile of content on an exhausted face.

My dearest flower,

It’s been a while since I last saw you. I miss the sound of your voice, the smell of your hair, the softness of your skin, the sweet evenings we spent together yet you never paid attention to me. I regret the reason why you don’t pay attention to me, I admit it was my fault and I made that mistake realizing the consequences of being a coward, but I beg of you to give me another chance. I promise not to make another mistake like it ever again, I want to see your eyes, I want to hear your voice, to hear the words leave your lips. I want to watch you paint, to see you paint me and marvel at my beauty. We would be so good together, the perfect pair like boiled egg and soldiers or strawberries and cream. Remember those times, our first date, our first kiss, our first night together, our first morning after, our first everything, you were and are my everything, my joy, my happiness, my sweetness, my dearest flower. Don’t you wish we could go back in time to when we were together? When we were each others happiness? If only you’d stop ignoring me… Then I wouldn’t be forced to do this...

Your eternal love,

The one who adores you. 

He growled in annoyance, eyes flashing dangerously in the light as he sealed the envelope. Screams sounded from behind him, a hoarse voice begging to be let go. Turning around he sneered towards the broken body that lay against the wall. 

“This is all her fault, if only she listened to me. Now you will pay the price she set. If only she had listened to me…” Smirking darkly, he raised the metal pipe above his head and striked, stilling the begging victim to a lifeless corpse. 

“If only she had listened…”

[my-wonderland-imagination]

What if sin was real?

I was once a sweet, innocent little girl who believed that there was only one true evil in this world, the Devil. He was a man who dressed in all red, with horns and a forked tail. I thought he carried a pitch fork so he could force unworthy souls down to Hell, a place of fire and suffering. Those who lived in Sin only deserved to die in their Sin. And they must be forced to experience it for all eternity… And long after that.

I believed in that naive little story for years until an ‘incident’ set me straight. I met a real ‘Devil’, a so-called demon of Hell; a real evil being of the world. I lost faith in my belief, in humanity and in the idea of what Hell was like. I slowly stopped believing in God, in a savior of the people, I got better at believing that there is no ‘one true evil’. Sometimes I still fear ‘Sin’, I fear the power it holds over us. I fear the so-called ‘Devils’, the ‘Demons’; Sometimes I pity ‘Sin’. I pity those who devote themselves to living in ‘Sin’, living for the consequences of said ‘Sin’.

I regret my stupidity of my beliefs and fearing the consequences, fearing ‘Hell’, the ‘Devil’. I understand now that fearing people is much more practical and realistic because they are more likely to turn out as monsters than some stupid ‘Sin’. I have realised that my original idea of the ‘Devil’, a simple bias picture painted by the Bible was wrong. They say “The Devil was once an Angel, and he was Gods’ favourite.” He could be anyone, do anything and no one would realise it, not even when it’s too late.

But one thing that truly terrifies me the most? I feel like I’ve already met his minions… That I have been tainted and branded by his tainted blood…

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Playing with the sun and watching the clouds fly

[my-wonderland-imagination]

INCREDIBLE PHOTO <3

link below to see:

http://sh-meet.bigpixel.cn/?from=groupmessage&isappinstalled=0&fbclid=IwAR1CWHqrxwZ1OUHem0CjjLrTBDH2j2cS4zISRo_2a6coC-A_YkFRr6QzMls

credit to: ketul

[my-wonderland-imagination]

That’s not  justice

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Yay!

My Tumblr’s fixed! I’m so happy. Thank you so much Tumblr Support!

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Little Did We Know

You knew you didn’t have the right to be angry, to be upset at him, you had told him personally that it was okay, but it still hurt that he couldn’t see through your act, no one ever did. You were either being compared with others or comparing yourself to them. 

You always felt like you had no talent like the white haired beauty, not did you have the brains as the lost woman. You weren’t good at your job like a certain red head, nor were you good at any hobbies you had like the blonde haired angel. You couldn’t turn your emotions off like a certain cat obsessed rich man, but you also couldn’t handle the guilt and blame, nor the responsibility that fell to you like a blue haired sweetheart. 

You weren’t getting better like a little edgelord, but you also weren’t sure if you’d ever recover like a taser loving cleaner. You weren’t pretty nor as caring about a long haired, blonde beauty, you weren’t anything...You were just you... And that’s what you hated the most.

No one ever noticed the mask you kept on all the time, even when you were alone in the apartment because of the cameras, the only time you ever let it out was when you showered, sobbing, whimpering, shivering, bleeding, the whole lot, and no one was none the wiser that you did it every night. You always had an excuse, they always accepted it, never questioning nor complaining. That’s what made it hurt worse, it felt as if you were unwanted, unneeded, and technically you were. You just appeared in front of them one day and were pretty much forced into your role, and you did it, no questions asked, no complaints heard, you kept your mouth shut, never giving away any information, hiding who you really were from them.

You heard all their stories, helped them get back on the right track, giving them a seperate path than the ones already carved out for them, it was almost too easy to fix their lives, to help them out and see under the mask they all had. You brought them all together, but now, you were being forgotten, left behind. And it hurt because you knew you never really did belong there with them. And when she came back, you really weren’t needed anymore, she was smarter, prettier, happier, kinder than you, she was everything you wasn’t and everyone knew that, you especially, so when they started making excuses, leaving you out of things, leaving the messenger the minute you signed in, you weren’t all that surprised, the only thing that surprised you was the amount of pain that came with it. 

It was enough to knock a grown man off his feet and suffocate him, but still you lived with it, smiled through it, fake laughed it off, hiding it away, so no one ever noticed, so no one else would feel the way you did, you did it to protect them, that’s all you ever did, try to protect them. You were getting tired of it, hating it, yet you still kept your mouth shut, pretending everything was okay. Whenever partyday came, you always had an excuse to never go,always saying it was work, or that you were sick, and they never questioned it, you couldn’t remember the last time you saw them. Soon you lost your appitite lost your ability to sleep, lost your identity that made you... Well you. You weren’t significant in their lives, you never were, you were just the replacement until the real thing came back, then it was back to being a nobody again, with an average job, an average house, an average life.

You started to hide yourself from everything, working alone in the dark, no longer talking to anyone or anything, on the rare times you remembered to eat, you just threw it back up again, almost bringing your insides out to the world before you were back to work, headache, squinting at the screen, typing until your fingers cramped. Sometimes you ended up passing out against the keyboard, only to jolt back to life twenty minutes later, sobbing your eyes out, coughing and whimpering in pain. You hated what you allowed yourself to become, but you felt like you finally belonged to a place where you could be yourself without having anyone judge you, what a fool you had been.

You knew your absence wouldn’t mean anything to anyone, so you left your phone the other side of the house, uncharged and unused. It’s not like anyone was going to call to check up on you anyway.

Yet, today was a rare day. You finally showered, tidied up the flat and plugged your phone in so you could listen to some music. You opened all the curtains and windows and hummed softly as you cleaned up, spreading the scent of bleach throughout the flat. Softly singing to yourself, you did everything until the place shined, itwas so blinding that it made your eyes hurt. Looking through your fridge, you noticed nothing was in, not even bottled water, so you grabbed your phone and headphones and went out, ready to shop for food that won’t even get eaten. 

You stopped paying attention to the buzzing of your phone, knowing that the messages weren’t for you, or so you thought. As you shopped, you felt as if you were being watched, you couldn’t shake the feeling, no matter how hard you looked, you couldn’t find aything. It was strange. Sighing sadly to yourself, you stared hatefully at the items in your basket, glaring at them as if they were the reason why you felt so low. You were so focused on your glaring match that you didn’t realise that the whole group were standing there, watching you, calling out to you. You just turned away, paid and left the store, not taking any notice of anything around you, you just walked away with your shoulders hunched as if in pain. You didn’t feel the brushing of fingers that reached for your arm, nor the slight tap on your shoulder, you just kept going, walking as if you were lost and didn’t want to be found.

You finally saw them, they were talking amongest themselves, you didn’t really recognise them, and they barely recognised you, the only reason they knew it was you was because of your phone GPS, other than that, you were a whole different person. Sad, lonely, forgotten, lost, you weren’t the happy, positive helper you used to be, you were only a shell, and thats what scared them the most, they realised their mistakes far too late, and they knew that no matter what they did, they’d never be able to make it up to you, nor would you be the person you used to be. 

All because of the two little words that haunts you every day, 

“I’m Fine.”

[my-wonderland-imagination]

Gamer Boy

Hmm. He'd be nerdy, innocent, loving and always smiling for you. He'd let you do his makeup and if you accidentally poke him in the eye, he'd just laugh and kiss you, saying that he was okay. And if you were hyperactive, he wouldn't mind. You'd level him out. He's a little hyper and like a puppy. You two would be hyper together on LOLOL. Annnndddd, he'd probably watch you get hyper, then tackle you on the sofa or bed and just pin you down with kisses. He'd probably pin you down in his lap whilst he played LOLOL and would constantly press kisses to your neck or head just so you wouldn't feel left out. If you ended up up teasing him, he'd get so lustful that he'd throw his controller across the room, throw you on the sofa and would ravish you until you couldn't move without him. He'd smile victoriously, constantly brushing his finger tips across each hickey and love bite he left on your body, happy he marked you as his