myactualconversations-blog

[myactualconversations-blog]

Asian Ass Massage

Chase: I only make 1.7k a month

Brendan: 20.4k a year

what the fuck are those 50k annual jobs

Chase: i need one of them

id hire an asian to give me ass massages id be so loaded lol

Brendan: O_O

Chase: point being i would have more than enough money

Brendan: Point being, you just want your ass touched

(via myactualconversations)

[myactualconversations-blog]

Asian Ass Massage

Chase: I only make 1.7k a month

Brendan: 20.4k a year

what the fuck are those 50k annual jobs

Chase: i need one of them

id hire an asian to give me ass massages id be so loaded lol

Brendan: O_O

Chase: point being i would have more than enough money

Brendan: Point being, you just want your ass touched

[myactualconversations-blog]

How To Ruin a Day

Chase: hey i just heard a funny joke

whats the difference between obama and simba (from the lion king)

Brendan: well

Simba's an African lion..

Obama's a lyin' African

Chase: ...

Brendan: lmfao

Chase: fuck you man

ruin my fun

Brendan: lmfaolmfaolmfao i'm laughing my ass off

i ruined it for you :D:D:D:D

Chase: i hope you know the rest of the day is garbage now

boooo!#!@!#$ bad boosey!

Brendan: lolololol

that was a good laugh :D

i'll give you another chance

joke me!

Chase: no way

ruined it

[myactualconversations-blog]

Google Street View Van

Brendan: lot of people knew when the google van would be in their town so some people (like you and I) went out and tried to be funny

Chase: you know what woulda been hilarious?

paint a squirt gun black and point it at you on the sidewalk as it was driving by, have you hold your wallet in your hand too lol

Brendan: loool

Chase: or do you boondock saint style on your knees

Brendan: I say hide in an alley and wait for the van and start acting like we're butt fucking against a dumpster with pants down

Chase: bahahahhaa

or trench coat on the side walk and flash the van butt naked

Brendan: or rope over a light pole and look like someone's been hanged

Chase: so many good ideas

[myactualconversations-blog]

Long Distance Brolationship

May 20th, 2013-

Brendan: me and rory are going to do some pretty dangerous things, and stupid things

but only because it's better if he does them with someone who's done them already, not with his friends that might do something too stupid and end up getting in big trouble or whatnot

Chase: i see how it is... being replaced by your womans son then...

Brendan: lolol!!!

it's not like that chase

i promise

please, don't leave me!!!

Chase: i thought what we had was special!@#

Brendan: it is!! i'm not replacing you, i'm passing our knowledge on to the next generation!

Chase: call it what you will

i guess i must start the long dreary search for the replacement bro

Brendan: you won't lose this bro, there will still be times man

we already lost one

Chase: are you ever gonna come back from england? Or when you leave are you pretty much there for good?

Brendan: i'll have a new home, but that doesn't mean we can't visit

Chase: idk about this long distance brolationship lol

[myactualconversations-blog]

Spicy Tampons

Brendan: spicy is one thing, adds flavour, it's good

but when people try to make something that burns your tastebuds and makes your eyes water, what's the fucking point?!

Chase: like those damn dry peppers at walmart deli

fuck those

Brendan: yea... i remember..

Chase: not something i ever want to eat again

or the wild sauce at buffalo wild wings

just plain unpleasant...

Brendan: never ate there

Chase: its expensive and low quality food... i dont see what the hype is all about

Brendan: they have sports on tv and beer, it's a place for men, women wouldn't want to go there so of course guys would overpay

Chase: confused... wouldnt you want women there?

beer sports and babes?

Brendan: i'm sure you'd want babes there, but how long before your woman is like "i'm bored i want to go home, let's go to claire's, let's go look at the rings at Jared's let's go watch that new romance film blah blah blah tampon blah"

Chase: lmfao

[myactualconversations-blog]

Tornadoes, flies, and mental issues.

Brendan: i'm like rubbing my eyes thinking what? tornadoes? so i went along with it and said "yea i'm fine i'm fine, ain't no wind gon' take my ass out"

then i saw the news lol

i'm like "yea, we're dead center in the middle of tornado alley, very dangerous place to live in all honesty.."

Chase: yeah, i aint dead yet

Brendan: hah just caught a dumbass fly with my hand, shook my fist with it in there and smacked it dead against the monitor

Chase: eww

Brendan: dead on impact 

didn't splat

Chase: i sat next to the window in my living room and watched one go by lol

Brendan: >.>

Chase: not safe but whatever

Brendan: wait what

Chase: i figured we were screwed either way might as well not worry about it

Brendan: not safe?! i'm lost

Chase: tornado

Brendan: oh i was talking about flies, numbnuts

you're supposed to transition back into tornados!

Chase: meh

Brendan: bleh

Chase: hey fuk you bic boi

Brendan: shumly dumly stupud bich!

Chase: durrrrr i got a wooden spoon!

Brendan: needle dick!

Chase: gatorade..... GATORADE!@#$

Brendan: duh-duh-duh-dip shit!

Chase: murica

Brendan: where we blow shit up, 'cuase we're bored.

Chase: damn skippy i kinda gotta take a shit... but i also have alot of work to do... decisions....

Brendan: haha

Chase: im thinking shit takes priority

Brendan: can't hold it in, gotta do what you gotta do

Chase: i love droppin a big stinker and makin the guy in the next stall gag a little

Brendan: lmfao you can make that sound dirtier, take the words out in order "I love making the guy gag"

Chase: 0.o got yourself one dirty mind there mr boosey

Brendan: it's a curse, really

[myactualconversations-blog]

Bad Cold

me: hey

Chase: hi

me: swollen up inflamed throats suck

Chase: suck too much cock?

me: either that, or just one of them had some bad jizz

Chase: lmao, is that why i havent been able to get ahold of you lately?

[myactualconversations-blog]

Green Day Soap

Chase:  you know whats not cool

 me:  when deborah shits on your desk?

 Chase:  when you are talking about billy joe armstrong and someone wearing a greenday shirt says who is billy joe armstrong??

 me:  please

don't tell me that actually happened

 Chase:  uh huh

 me:  for fuck sake

rip that shirt off of him and slap him with a tube sock full of jellyfish and barbed wire

   Chase:  was a girl, and I was thinking more of a pillow case filled with nickels and bars of soap

 me:  bars of soup with nickels sticking out of them

 Chase:  how do  you make a bar of soup?

me: SOAP* DAMNIT.

[myactualconversations-blog]

Subway Flirtations 2: Subway Harder

 Chase:  holy crap

I think the subway girl is mad at me not calling

 me:  wtf o_o

what happened?!

 Chase:  she had to go to the back to get more buffalo sauce for the buffalo chicken sammich

I think she put habanero seeds in it

 me:  lmfao

hot much?

like how's your mouth doing xD

 Chase:  can't feel it anymore

 me:  oh shit

 Chase:  veeery hot, still sweating after just a couple bites

 me:  omg lmfao

she either wants you bad and is getting your attention

or she's so pissed, she never wants you to feel/taste a kiss from anyone ever again

 Chase:  all i'm feeling is numb and ouch

 me:  LOOOLOLOL

[myactualconversations-blog]

Stroke a Furry Wall

 Chase:  id probably punch a wall

not a furry one though

 me:  oh lord no

not a furry one

you may stroke, pet, caress, and even tenderly kiss a furry wall but you DO NOT PUNCH IT

IT'S LIKE A WOMAN

FURRY WALLS = WOMEN

unless they cheat on you

then by all means

bunch the bitch of a wall

punchU*

punch***

 Chase:  cheatin wall damn you!

 me:  after everything i've done for you!! *revs chainsaw* after all the sacrifices made for you!!*swings it in air* after all the love i made to you!!! *jabs it in the center* after all the emotions shared with you!!*starts crying as bits of fur fly out in a slow motion scene of epic proportions*

 Chase:  you have some imagination

[myactualconversations-blog]

Big Dogs

 Chase:  If I am ever in the mafia I will have 2 black tibetan mastiff's

 me:  uh if i were in the mafia, i'd have 2 black body builders LOL

 Chase:  the mastiff's are scarier

 me:  these guys got guns, and i don't mean their arms, either

 Chase:  don't need guns with these cute little puppys

kinda like this http://puu.sh/5gtnd.jpg

 me: no, like this http://puu.sh/5gtoY.jpg

 ;)

 Chase:  LMFAO

[myactualconversations-blog]

That's What's Up

 Chase:  whatsup

 Sent at 11:06 AM on Friday

 me:  turtles fucking sheep in the outback!!

i mean

y'know

is good

 Chase:  wut lol

 me:  it's cold out

 Chase:  its not bad

 me:  not too bad

[myactualconversations-blog]

Subway Flirtations

Chase:  on a whole separate subject, I think the subway lady has a thing for me

 me:  lmfao

details

what went up

when was this

what did you order

was there any sexual innuendo?

 Chase:  ordered my buffalo chicken sammich as norm, when Im payin she winks and calls me sweety then hands me a napkin with her name & number with a little heart by it

 Chase:  weird huh

that is a first for me

 me:  um, what's weird is that you THINK she has a thing for you

 Chase:  lol

[myactualconversations-blog]

Trick or Treat

Chase:  I didn't realize it was halloween until after about 3pm today

 me:  lmfao

31st yo

 Chase:  you mugging any children tonight?

 me:  i would but it's considered a felony now :(

 Chase:  just say suprise before you do it and its just a "trick" then you take their "treats".. I thought that was how this went lol

 me:  lmfao

yes

[myactualconversations-blog]

The Pink Starfish

 Chase:  lol there was a spongebob episode that still cracks me up when I think about it, the pink starfish was trying to do something witha hammer and spongebob said "we arent barbarians lets use technology!" then starfish proceeds to use a computer monitor as a hammer XD

 me:  the fact that you can remember that but don't know the name of the pink starfish astounds me

 Chase:  I have selective memory

 me: no fucking excuse.

[myactualconversations-blog]

Helping a friend and giving relationship advice

After being asked to help him on how to start up this conversation between him and his girlfriend of 5 years... -->

[6:06:30 PM] ßrendan: "you know i love you, and nothing i say is meant to demean you or make you feel bad, but if i'm working all day and you're sitting at home doing whatever it is you do, and then i get home, and we don't do anything together, or even make love, or go to bed together most nights, i start to wonder what's actually wrong and not knowing hurts me, and i only ask because i want us to be ok. I need you to talk to me without hiding anything, so we can get through this together" (something like that, or exactly like that, could be fixed up a bit if some of it doesn't make sense)

[6:07:22 PM] Jin: 0.0

[6:07:36 PM] ßrendan: how's that?

[6:07:46 PM] Jin: Can you dress up like me and go over there and do this

[6:08:03 PM] Jin: That was genius

[6:08:10 PM] ßrendan: lmfao

[6:08:51 PM] Jin: I don't see any way she could come back negatively on that

[6:08:58 PM] ßrendan: you just got to let her know, if something's wrong, you want to get through it with her

[6:09:03 PM] ßrendan: hell yea

[6:09:05 PM] ßrendan: memorize that shit

[6:09:38 PM] Jin: Wish I could pu that shit on a que card

[6:10:10 PM] Jin: PowerPoint it behind her or something

[6:10:28 PM] ßrendan: little projector lol

[6:11:10 PM] JinE: They make those

[6:11:23 PM] ßrendan: "so this is where our relationship started on the decline"

[6:11:42 PM] ßrendan: "as you can see here in this pie chart, the % of our intimacy is nearly nothing at a whopping 1.04%"

[6:11:56 PM] ßrendan: "on this bar graph, you'll see the amount of time we spent last month as compared to 6 months ago"

[6:12:19 PM] Jin: Omg lol that's great

[6:12:27 PM] ßrendan: "now if we invest in this area of our relationship, we'll profit 150% within 2 months or less, we just need everyone's cooperation"

[6:12:29 PM] ßrendan: LOOL

[6:13:36 PM] Jin: You could be a comedian

To this day, 3 months later - they are both still together :D!