mydzyae

[mydzyae]

Paint me a fool

Paint me a fool. You had me red, black and blue.

With nothing but excitement I waited for you to come home. With nothing but tears I welcomed you with everyone once you returned.

You told me not to say ���I miss you,” or “I can’t wait for you to come back home,” because it’s bad luck you acknowledge only when it suits your taste.

Little did I know you were right without wanting to be, for once.

Because I do miss you, knowing you’re never coming back.

Icarus laughed when he fell. He laughed while you screamed at them to dim the lights out. And then they took mine because you liked it better. The light from my light bulb wasn’t that yellow. It didn’t make a cast that made the room a bit too hot. And the light from my lamp wasn’t so harsh during the day either.

How I wish it stopped there. I wish I could seal everything I once owned into one ziplock bag—my a room, my medication, my money.

Nowadays I work my ass off not for me, but to lend you cash to make you feel better. They all do it so I should too, they said. I’m the only one who’s unwilling to make a sacrifice.

Money. That was the root of disobedience. You keep saying that if I was from a family that’s well-off, I wouldn’t even look at you. Perhaps I wouldn’t. But do you know what wealth is to me? It’s coming to a home where love is all I know. I’d call it a place where I can always come back to with a reminder that I’m welcome. Certainly it isn’t working two jobs because my lazy husband doesn’t want to to keep a family of five afloat.

Wealth is a precise measurement between too much and too little.

So you let my pay check rise in ashes. Ironically enough, it was in your ashtray. You held it in front of my face like it could iron out the bruises, as if cremated notes could explain why I limped through the school gate, why I kept my head low in every reflection for days on end.

What’s worse is that you’re expecting gratitude in return.

Once you sent me nearly disfigured to school, you didn’t talk to me for two weeks. I didn’t think of talking to you either. Words can’t explain how disappointed I was when you told me that was for my own good. Money isn’t bad energy.

But I suppose it is good enough to feed those machines and cigars. You fed them more than you did me. I’m grateful you discouraged me to try any of those while you lit another one with your right hand, the one that had your black wool chotki you haven’t touched in ages.

You taught me God through threats. Told me He’d strike me down if I lied, so you made me press my hand to the Bible like it was a weapon and not a witness. You said I’d lose the hand I touched the leather skin with, and that nobody would ask to take it.

And I never once found what I prayed for.

You made me swear on saints. I swore I wouldn’t tell anyone. That I wouldn’t cry. That when I’m mad at you that I’d remember you’re “doing your best” while your best smelled like nicotine which made my nose run and tasted like iron on my tongue.

I kept quiet so God wouldn’t punish me. I thought if I hurt enough, He’d spare you.

He didn’t.

Long before this you were destined to do this to me. It was the day you dropped in front of me like your father dropped in front of you.

Still, I lit your candle when I lit mine.

Still, I asked for mercy on your name when I couldn’t speak my own.

Still, I waited.

Still, I wait.

@lawofattrakt do not repost or copy.

[mydzyae]

everyone is beautiful.

even you !!

Everything around you is pretty.

Here we are again, talking about life. Today, I wanted to talk about "beauty" and our perception of it. We all have a different vision of "beauty," and that's what makes us unique ! I've seen many posts about this quote, and I think it's time to talk about it.

"Everything is beautiful when you look at it with love."

This quote is very inspiring and encourages us to look at the world from another point of view, a point of view that does not follow trends or opinions, a point of view that depends only on you, your love. Take a quick look at your window. What do you see? A road, a garden maybe ? What do you think of it ? Do you find the landscape pretty, or just like always? Now take a quick time to look at every detail, every thing in your view that you didn't notice at first. The flowers, the leaves, the people walking on the street.

Know how to appreciate every detail of your environment, every detail of a personality, of a body, of a face, or just of a flower. Look at it with love.

We all have different tastes, different preferences, different styles, it's normal, we are all unique. But if you ever look at something and think it's ugly, change your point of view. Imagine if you watch a cartoon, it may seems childish to you, but think about how a kid would be happy to watch this. See ? See how much changing your point of view changes your opinion ?

It's important to put yourself in other people's shoes, listen to their thoughts, and then build your own vision of things. Don't be influenced by trends or the opinions of those close to you. Your vision of life makes you unique, as does your vision of beauty.

Someone may seem very charming, unique and beautiful in your eyes, but in other people's eyes it could be the opposite. But that's normal, as long as you don't try to impose your vision of things.

I hope this was helpful, I try to work on my opinion and critical thinking as well, feel free to add your own perspective in comments. Stay healthy, be yourself, and I wish you the best ! As last time, let's end with positive quotes related to the subject.

"The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express.”

‐ Francis Bacon

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”

‐ Confucius

@mydzyae don't copy or repost.

[mydzyae]

The one who loves observes. Not just the big moments, the grand gestures—but things you hope go unnoticed.

The way your fingers twitch when you’re nervous, or the way you breathe “weird” because of your deviated septum. Perhaps they notice the mole on your lower lip or your crooked tooth that looks like it was filed down into a dinosaur-looking one. They subconsciously count all of your freckles which are littered across your face, thinking of them when looking at stars from their window.

The one who loves notices the way you’re brushed off so easily. The way you float around like dust people complain about. The room is not clean. It’s not clean of you. They notice your hesitation, the way your complexion pales once someone scolds you over the smallest things as if you’re a child.

You indeed are a child at heart.

And they know that.

The one who loves watches not to judge but to understand. To stay close even when you pull away because of these unknowing forces.

Love is not always loud. It watches. It waits. It stays.

[mydzyae]

anyone can heal.

yes, im serious and you can too !

But how do i know this ?

Because the 2024 me wouldn't believe the 2025 me could be happy and free.

Actually, I didn't do anything to change the situation by myself, things moved by themselves without me realizing it. I didn't do anything to change my unhappiness because I simply thought that this unhappiness didn't exist. Which is sad because, this period of my life could have brought me a lot of things if I had tried to get out of this feeling.

A feeling that I cannot describe, you just have to live it and understand, I wasn't sad, I wasn't happy, I was just lost. I accepted certain situations thinking that it was all normal, especially in school, but I was wrong. At that time I wasn't sure of my worth, but now I know.

“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”

Now, how can you heal ?

The answer is basic, and you've probably heard it everywhere, but it's simply because it's right !

— Surround yourself with people who help you achieve your goals, who admire you, love you, and inspire you.

— Find new hobbies, new activities that could help you rediscover creativity and help you acquire new knowledge about the world around you.

— Take time for yourself, take a bath, clean your room, watch a tv show that brings you comfort, do a skincare routine, starts journaling and do things that you really appreciate !

— Starts discovering new places, go for a walk without your phone and appreciate the nature arround you !

Of course, no one heals in the blink of an eye. It will take time, but it's all temporary. Work on yourself, your emotions, your interests, and above all, don't let yourself be influenced by others ! Be yourself, and don't let anyone bring you down.

If I did it, you can too! That was a long journey for me and it's still not over, but I try to work on myself everyday to find myself again. To anyone reading this, I hope you find the happiness you deserve. To finish with positivity, here are some quotes about healing.

"Awareness is the first step in healing."

- Dean Ornish

“There is beauty in the journey, regardless of the outcome. Let’s grieve and hope, and fight together.”

- Marie White

"The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love."

- Hubert H. Humphrey

— @mydzyae don't copy or repost.