mynovamoon

[mynovamoon]

the perfekt person

The perfect Person.

The one im never ment to meet.

The one that i thought i would

Thought to reach

The one that always fades and always hurts

The one that i want and thought i would

The one i fear, but still i want.

The one that never lays inside my arms.

The one i fear, the one i love

The one is illusionary, just an unpredictable thought.

Imagination and fading desire

Like disapereance that burst like a wire.

Thin, strong, but unable to hold

All the struggeling emotions and burdens that i never told

Afraid to Talk afraid to say.

What i want, need or secretly crave.

Afraid to admid how planless i am. Afraid to confess my unsureness in everything.

The one to love, the one to fear

The one like a mirror never there or here.

The one to desire, but never to love.

Because its just the sadness that it's craving for love

[mynovamoon]

I Love you

I Love you.

Three simple words. But eventhough these words are so simple, it was always hard for me to say it or to answer to it. Something that seams so simple. A way to express what i felt, but a uncrossable border.

It's true. These words where like a border to me. Something i couldn't say, i didn't wanted to. Or something I just haven't had the strength to.

Maybe it was because i didn't wanted to lie when its about such an important topic. Or neither regret it because i changed the way of feeling (again). Or i just couldn't, because it was expectet from me. Like pressuring me to jump of a cliff. Due to preturing you just start take even more distance to the cliff. It's a Natural behaviour, you can't just change it.

And again it's true. Saying These three words felt Like jumping from a cliff, somewhere dark, unknown. Something you want to avoid in all cases. Or i was just scared, scared to use it because it ment so much more to me. Scared to admit what i felt. Maybe i wanted to jump into the unknown, but Just couldn't. I hadn't the strenghs or neither the bravery. And i was even more scared that, if love breaks, i would have lied or would have just waisted these words. Litteraly i was scared of closness and Lösung this closness at the same time.

I was scared of me.

Maybe because i was somethimes scared to express my inner self, my so fluet and intense and unstable emotions while being so afraid that al i gaint would just fade away like so many things do.

And once spoken out it's hard to take back.

And than i ask myself again: why does everything Always needs to be outspoken? Why cant i show love my really own way and why to people i Love do not see how i try to express my feelings? It would be so much easier if they could just read my mind. But sadly this is not the case.

And this is true for every kind "Love" or relationships. I was somethimes so incapable to even express any kind of bounds, admiration or just a deep Connection. It all felt so hard. So i was incompetent to say sorry at the Same time. Not Always but especially in some situation. When it's ecpectet or you know i made a mistake or hurted ppl by that. Like a Tape gets pressed on my mouth, stoping anything i could say in this Moment or do. It feels Like freesing.

But eventhough i've overcome the most of these struggles with the time, its still hard to say these three simple words.

And If i can than it mostly feels like it losts its meaning, as everything loses importancy. Its feels more Like acting than really meaning it. Sometimes some emotions brake through, but sometimes there just aren't any emotions left. Like you would have taken of these rosy glases.

At the end it's still a struggle.

Maybe because i even crave emotions and an emotional bond, but don't want it at the same time or am just to feared. Its hard to wrote down, emotions are not always easy to discribe and to give reasons for. Its probably just a hole mix from so many aspects, fear, desire, needs and experiences.

It's still a struggle, but thats okay. There are different ways to say: i Love you

Just remember that:

Communicating the own emotions is important but its okay to struggle too.

[mynovamoon]

Take care of yousself!

[mynovamoon]

the struggle of saying goodbye

Saying goodbye hurts. We all know this. Or at least we know that ist should hurt. Depending in the Kind of situation of course.

But for me it always hurted the most to know that the memories would fade. Of course saying goodbye to nice people and nice happy moments hurts, naturally. But its literally a goodbye to all the memories you gaint. A slowly goodbye to remember all these moments, loosing the access, loosing the key. The ppl or places you are saying goodbye to are like a key. The Key to your memorys, the key to remember. The key to all that joy and the key to feel that specific feeling again. And this Realisation Hurts.

Just when you say goodbye all the memories are so fresh. Like Not even dried paint on a piece of paper. Shining colours, lots of details. So realistic that you think you could jump directly in the painting and back to all this what is about to get a memory.

But as time fades the painting gets old, the Paint dries and brittles. Dusty, blurred, faded. Until it's so old and dried that you dont even want to look at it anymore. You don't even want to remember. It does'nt gives you the fulfillment as before and you can't access the happines again. You know that you once felt it, but know it just seems colorless. Faded lines on an old piece of paper.

It even lost importancy for you. You know that ist once was important. Once was such a big part of your life, but now is just brittle paint on old paper. It's to long ago that you felt the joy painting these memories so that you just don't want to recall them. Maybe because you mainly remember the importancy you felt once, but you can't recall how it felt. Can't acces the happines and experiences, like watching an old film just full of errors and missing parts.

Its a bit like looking at the joy from someone different. A bit like looking this faded, incompleted, broken film. It simply lost importancy and you know that in the moment you said godbye you knew that this would happen.

Dried memories

Faded happines

Blurred vision

And Just a numb feeling when you try to recall. You lost the key to all the details, to all the light and bright colours.

But you realize that you not really want the key anymore. Life goes on and so do you. The past is the past even though this realisation hurts.

Sometimes the only thing with an old broken painting is throughing ist away.

But...

Uhhrg

And exactly this Feeling is what im even feared of. Throwing the painting and all the dried memories on it away. That the Moment im living in, the joy i'm feeling right now ... will lose its importancy. And growing up with that fear an experiencing exactly this gave me new findings. Live goes on. But capturing the real important experiences and moments is a also super big and important part of live. Saving the feeling and joy as close as possiable to your head and learn not to forget it. Even If theres just a little spark of the joyfull memories that will remain. Growing on experiences and keeping the really important.

[mynovamoon]

The beauty of the sea and the human danger

The beauty of orcas 🤍 A mother and her child facing al the cold and wild, endless water. Together. How can some just hunt this and all the other beautys of the Sea?

The beauty of the sea. I wish everyone could feel the harmony of the sea aswell and would stop hunting animals or destroying and stealing from the sea.

The balance of the Sea. Why does noone See this harmony? Or why do they want to destroy it? And not just the animals, everything, nature, our planet. Just for a better, more luxurious life? Or just for profit? Why aren't they recognising that they'll destroy themselfs too? Or at least their children.

So i try to use this post to set a bit of focus on climate change, airpollution, trash (literally everywhere ) and the suffering from million of animals. And some solutions like taking Action on climate, Recycling, second hand products, use of puplic transport and most important to use your voice and opportunity to vote (If so). Rethink your actions and be a part of the positive change.

[mynovamoon]

Isn't that a life motto we should all take to heart? Recycling especially the trash we produce is super important, even more when we still want to use the resources from our planet in the future.

There is no planet B

Life should be something that is in harmony with nature, emviroment and animals. And recycling and getting a feeling for using our old stuff again is one really important step to a stable society, economy and overall a stabile planet.

[mynovamoon]

The concept of love

Sometimes love feels more like a concept, less than a real Feeling.

And why is it so hard to say where Love begins and where it ends. I mean, isn't everything more a smoth gradient? And ofcourse in the spectrum of love there is more than just the romantic aspect, but when we are talking of love, how often do we mean the Love we experience to Friends, Family or pets? Or even the Love to places, food or nature?

To 99 procent we talk about this kitchy romantic and logicless love. Top 1 topic at sleepovers or truth or dare, isnt it?

The kind of Love we all want, We all crave and desire, the kind of love we build our lifes around, the kind we would die for or some even kill.

The kind of Love that "is not more important" than the others but somehow is. The kind of Love everybody talks about and the kind of love you are supposed to feel. And If you are not you are just to young to understand. The Kind of Love that sometimes feels so near and sometimes so far away. The Kind of Love that i want but somehow don't.

Do i want Love? Am i even able to feel it? And maybe it's so hard to understand because i simply can't feel this sparkly, pinkglasses feeling. Or just in a really specific way. Or am i brainwashed to wanting it? Or am i just scared?

I.. dont. know.

And this unsureness drove me crazy for a long time. I was so unsure and scared that i was so near and so far away at the same time to feeling something . Something i could call love. I pushed people away and wanted them so near to me at the same time, knowing that the way they felt was somehow so diffrent than the way i did. They weren't the only one craving for deep emotional conecction, but this what i thought would be love, was not love. But at least it was something. It wasn't the love you see in TV or fairy tales, it was more the interpretation i thought it was like.

Was this feeling real or just something i made up in my mind in order to fill the social expectations? How can love feel so real but disappear so suddenly and how can it shift from this close conecction to something that feels so far away and more Like a curse. Why does love hurt more than it heals?

Friendschip felt more tangible and maybe friendschip was that what i actually wanted all the time. But than i ask myself again, am i the only one struggeling with the concept of love? Where does Friendschip ends and love begins, and does Friendschip even ends? Is there a clear border? Is Friendschip always the conecction behind Love? Always the less important? And if, what would it mean for me? What is this what i'm feeling when its not love?

But i realised Just, that it's okay to not know. That it's okay to struggle with the topic. And that it's okay, even though others do not understand or whatever. And the answer to the most of these questions is probably as always: it depense. Ask a million ppl and the way they experiencing love is probably always a little different. Your needs, longings and expectations in the case of love are with certainty different to the impression of others.

What do we learn from this text? Love can be complicated and the way we experience it really varies from person to person. Just remembered that things that you are feeling totally sure and confident with aren't nessesarily feeling the same to others. And that you can define love the way you want defining it. And the most important, that it is okay to struggle.

With that have a good day

.

[mynovamoon]

💙🩵🤍💛🧡

Sadly i didnt have white wool but anyway

[mynovamoon]

The most kind-hearted beings are my dog and my grandma. I see it in every thing they do. This pure and warm kindness. So innocent souls.

I wish everyone would be a bit more like them, so that the world could be a better place.

[mynovamoon]

Finally found a place without any pressure🤍