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Updaaaaaaaaaate

Hey hi hello, post tomorrow of Odysseus meeting Circe and all the shenanigans that take place. Not sure why just book 11 and Circe are really memorable to me because my teacher described her as a thot in my classics class but I just thought she was pretty sicc. Okay pls look forward to that coming up tomorrow since I just finished all my research and a rough draft. I'm pretty proud of this one. Love ya, peace ✌

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Curb Your Enthusiasm (Odyssey Version)

Oddy sails to the land of Aeolus, ruler of the winds and begs him for help to get home coz ya boi is beyond lost and wants to get home and see his baby momma. Aeolus is like "hey that sucks yeah sure bud take this bag of farts it'll blow ya straight home, use it when you see Ithaca."

*10 Days Later*

Ithaca is in sight, Oddy can already smell Penelope. But his bois are sceptical.

"Wtf is in this bag?"

"Greedy bastard I bet it's gold."

"Let's just open it. He's a cunning asshole, he's gotta be keeping something from us."

"Think about it. If it's gold and silver we're rich, we can steal it."

So they rip into the bag and release

A SHIT TONNE OF WIND THAT JUST PUSHES THEM BACK TO AEOLUS WHO REFUSES TO HELP THEM AGAIN COZ HE THINKS THEY'RE CURSED SO NOW THEY'RE MORE LOST.

*Curb your enthusiasm music*

Hey, just thought I'd upload something I wanted to talk about but it wasn't long enough for a story. Just a nice classical meme to get me back into the swing of writing while I'm researching my next upload. Hope you enjoyed ✌

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Yeah sounds about right

its thundering right now and i take that as a sign that Zeus acknowledges this as truth

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Big Boi Update

Hello! I received a few dms asking me some questions so I thought I'd address some things that I was asked (for like the few people that actually view my content)

Q: Are you dead? A: Only on the inside dw

Q: Are you planning on doing anymore badly explained myths? I haven't seen any in a while. Yes deifnetly. I want to try and get one up next week. I lost motivation due to a lot of stress and commitments in my life not leaving me with a lot of time and when they did I was super exhausted and unmotivated. But I'm hoping to upload another story from the Odyssey, since people seemed to enjoy my story of Odysseus and The Cyclops.

Finally, Q: Are you okay? A: Yes I am doing a lot better. There were quite a few bridges I had to cross and burn in my life recently, and along with the pressures of looming university, volunteering and my job, I was finding separating my personal and professional lives very difficult. I just needed some time to gather myself again, as people do, and finally reach out to professionals to help me cope better, as trying to keep myself afloat for such a long time on my own was starting to effect those around me. Thank you for your concerns!

Thanks again to everyone for showing their concerns. Hopefully I will be able to upload another badly explained myth super soon, just lemme know if The Odyssey is to your liking or if you'd like a whole other strain of myths explained like Norse or Egyptian. Thanks again ✌

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Short hiatus

Hello, you won't see any posts from me for a while because I'm unfortunately going through a few mental health issues that I need to sort out. I appreciate everyone who likes my bad myths, see you soon 💕

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That’s true, Argos seemed to respect her a lot more.

And yeah the art is usually pretty good about portraying her respectfully! Maybe I could try analyzing some of that, the vase art and sculptures…

That was always my (second) favorite part of the Jason and the Argonauts movie… Hera and Zeus were portrayed as partners. Not particularly smoochy and loving but definitely on each other’s side, even when their plans for mortals were at odds.

(My first favorite part was the cheerful shouting Herakles)

(Third favorite part was the sneaky undercover Hermes but he could have been hotter)

There were a handful of cute/respectful myths I found with her interacting with Zeus… the most positive portrayal of her myths was probably George O’Connor as usual, who consistently chooses to make her a queen and a badass. I’ll have to reread that…

I think Thetis went straight to Hera one time after Zeus had been a dick to Hera, and called him out on being a dick right there and then, so she has some good buddies in Olympus at least.

The only other thing I’ve sort of found is that Tiresias, as a woman, became a priestess of Hera and had a baby with her blessing. Maybe they had a good relationship in spite of that weird “lady’s pleasure” judgement

Anyway, I don’t get why the myths are awful to her in such a one-sided way, but I’m super dedicated to trying to reclaim her awesomeness!

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Zeus: I'm sick of myths-explained-badly calling me an asshole, time for revenge.

Zeus:

Me: Nice try bitch, but I'm from the land of shit weather

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If your partner is clumsy they break your stuff. If your doggo is clumsy you get a cute yet sad "awh man her poor snoot" gif. Just more reasons to get a pupper

I wanna kiss someone who loves me

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Get a dog. Much like a human, they love you more when you have food. But in return for my food, my dog loves me and let's me kiss her snoot. Invest in a doggo

I wanna kiss someone who loves me

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Iconic

Athena: No one has a crush on me.

Athena: I am too strong to be crushed.

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Me thinking I'm safe from being banned as I'm just a simple classicist who explains myths badly until I realise I put up classical art with all my stories and one of them shows a tiddie:

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golden god Sutekh 

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The Story of Narcissus and Echo (by a chick who is brain dead from sleep deprivation)

Narcissus was a peng yung ting back in his day, and made all the ladies of Greece including nymphs fall head over heels for him. Unfortunately for them, Narcissus was sexy and he knew it so naturally he was a massive asshole to them all (like the dude sent a sword to a chick who said she would off herself if he wasn't nicer to her. That's the kinda guy we're dealing with here.)

Echo was one of these nymphs who fell for Lord Douchebag, which was one of her biggest mistakes. The other was that she played a trick on Hera by distracting her by singing so Zeus could go bang some nymph he decided he loved that day. (I swear Zeus’ dick causes most of the problems in Greece) When Hera found out, she punished Echo by condemning her to always repeat the words that were last spoken to her by anybody.

When Echo casually bumped into him in the woods one day, she failed to confess her feeling to him and could only use his words. Disgusted, Narcissus turned her away. The poor girl ran off crying into a cave where she died. Her bones turned into stone and they say of you call out in a valley or cave you can still hear her reply. (The Greeks one again explaining something simple with a complicated myth. Neat.)

Narcissus however carried on his way unaffected which angered Aphrodite as she shipped them and got super pissy (as per usual) about her OTP ship was staying in the harbour. She cursed him by making him fall in love with himself as revenge.

When Narcissus saw himself in his reflection in a pond, the curse kicked in and he was enamoured by the boy he saw. He was so in love that he refused to look away to eat or drink. But when he saw his reflection with his face gaunt and eyes red and sore from crying as he was unable to touch or meet his own reflection, he believed he had causes his lover pain. Therefore, he took a dagger from his belt and stabbed himself in the heart. Aphrodite took pity on him and turned his body into a flower, and you can still find Narcissus flowers growing in the wild in the woods around the banks of pools of water.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy with work and boyfriend and volunteer work. I hope you enjoyed this short myth, I know it's supposed to be a tragedy but I still find it pretty funny in a “that's what you get” kinda way. Lemme know if you liked this one.

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I agree more than wholeheartedly.

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Zeus, God of Thunder and Fuckbois (aka a rumbly douche)

Reblog if you think Zeus is a douche.

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The Story of Osiris (badly explained by someone who read this story like once)

Long ago, the Egyptians believed Osiris was the first Pharaoh of Egypt bringing order to the once barbaric land. His reign brought prosperity for the ancient Egyptians, and everyone loved their ruler, everyone except his brother Set (kinda has the head of a dog but definitely isn't the goodest of bois in this story). Set was jealous of Osiris because he had a hot wife, power, and generally everything Set didnt have. And so, he plotted to take his successful brother down. (Clearly no one in the ancient world heard of loving their siblings. Apart from you Zeus and the rest of the ancient Greek gods, you guys loved your siblings a lil too much 😉😉)

Set made a coffin that he knew only Osiris could fit into, and then threw a phat feast, announcing to his guests whoever fitted into the coffin could keep it. Set’s guests tried to squeeze their fat asses into the coffin, but no-one succeeded, until Osiris climbed inside to try his hand at his brothers evil game.

Set quickly sealed the coffin shut, throwing it into the Nile (Dude's pretty hench if he did that all by himself) The Nile carried the coffin into the sea, and it finally came to rest in tree where Osiris, trapped inside, eventually croaked. (Pour one out for Osiris, lads. F 😭).

Isis, Osiris’ wife searched everywhere for her husband’s body and eventually succeeded, bringing it back to Egypt. She desperately tried to resurrect Osiris, but Set found out and cut his body up into pieces, scattering them all over Egypt. (Dick move).

Isis, irritated by the fact her brother in law just made her life way harder than necessary (relatable) managed to again retrieve all of Osiris’ body parts except for his lil man downstairs, which had been eaten by a fish. (Even bigger dick move.) Regardless of the fact she’d never get Pharaoh D again (which I wish I could say I could live without but when ya gal gets that feeling, she wants sexual healing. Power to ya sister) Isis was able to resurrect her husband, and then their son the god Horus was conceived (which is weird af coz I'm pretty sure dude would need his Peperami to do that but okay).

However as Osiris was incomplete, he could no longer rule in the land of the living, and therefore became the ruler of the Underworld. The End.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, this is a really difficult time for me and l haven't had the drive to write one of these until now. But on a happier note, let ya gal know if you wanna hear any ancient Egyptian myths that you want me to butcher. Peace ✌

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I still think the Egyptian Gods look the most awesome and scary

Art by Ellyade Illustrations