n0irrrr
n0irrrr
gnossienne.
98 posts
【male/gn!reader fanfiction ☆ mostly attack on titan 】hiatus ; reqs into consideration ٩( 'ω' )و٩( 'ω' )وenglish's not my first language, expect trash, self-indulgent writing ☆24
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n0irrrr · 5 months ago
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i've been trying to think why i stopped writing entirely, so this is just a vent/ramble post and doesn't mean anything beyond that? line break bc i dont think someone would want to read rambling tb: rant about aot, info about reiss mental asylum/empty/future
the first reasons i came out with were 1. work 2. a shitty situation that worsened my already shitty mental health and 3. void of creativity/writers block/no energy to think or to came out with something i liked bc i kept comparing myself to others creators (which is... very bad).
the other big reason....... (since i only wrote for aot):
i think i stopped writing anything attack on titan related because i really, really got so salty that my favorite peace of media (that i've followed for 11 years) ended they way it did? and i don't mean that 'oh just bc u didn't get a happy ending or u didn't understand the characters and the plot doesn't mean your opinion is valid bla bla'
but the way characters' developments were poorly handled and recessed, how they were just made dumber for the sake of the plot and how suddenly a romantic relationship that wasn't there in the first place became something bigger at the end and how eren was handled in the last moments just made me so salty lmao.
and it makes me more salty how people just shits on you if you don't like it and quickly go with their 'u didn't get it' like brother ive been here since 2013 tf you mean? now we can't criticize anything and still like something??? AAAGGGHHHH
im sorry LOL it's just that i can't see anything aot related bc it is so ruined for me. literally i see tiktoks and i get so sad and bitter bc i know what the comments will be lmao i hate it, literally just read the manga and stopped watching the anime until season 3 bc i just disliked how everything was handled so bad. like any news about it just doesn't make me feel anything 😭 i need a therapist
anyway :) im trying to find my love towards it again because i genuinely liked writing my shitty stories about it and the world building and characters were what i fell in love with.
(also, this doesn't mean im bashing ppl who liked the ending!! in my eyes, everything is subjective—some like it, some dont, and that's fine. how boring life would be if we all thought the same?)
but i AM bashing those who say 'you didn't get it'. come here and get this hands how about that
oh, and im rewriting reiss mental asylum (just the earlier chapters bc they are... bad y'all LOL), nothing too heavy, just trying to improve the writing and adding extra things. (such as the damn time period... i've had in mind to settle it around 1960-1980, but i just didn't pay attention to the world building enough to explicitly mention it. oh well, the more you know.)
i've already made a big chunk of info about how i want to develop the whole story, so i do have a clear structure to follow. also, i once begged for ideas in ao3, and many people came with great input, and a commentor was so spot on on what i was intending to do with the story! (like really spot on LOL they found my secret plot twist...)
it really makes me baffled how many people like the story, with its flaws and all. i was young and very inexperienced when writing it, so i hope i can refine it enough to make it a decent read for all of you.
also... people from russia 🫵 im speaking to you directly... thank you for your kind messages as well! (some of you have reached for me through email) it just baffles me how well liked that story is? and for the translator(Вероника_69) to still keeping an eye after years of no updating? aaaa. thank you.
i think i needed to write this vent, it helped me to get some good motivation!!
aaaaand i've watched jujutsu kaisen... you may see silly things coming up as well... err, someday. because college is around the corner again and that means suffering! and poor mental health! and no time! and no life!
been having these intrusive thoughts lately of... erasing all of my works LOL BUT i won't, don't worry. they'll be there as a reminder of how slightly ive improved (not much).
but yeah, if you see me experiment with small drabbles or just silly posts it doesn't mean im not paying attention to reiss mental asylum! i won't abandon it unless i die, even then i've told my friends to release my 30 unfinished drafts for you to get some closure LOL (fr though). but yeah, i will gravitate towards other fandoms if i feel like it (:
so, empty: hiatus... hiatus hiatus bc i hate to touch aot right now as its canon universe. indefinite hiatus, but i love that story to just abandon it. i was having much fun with it, tbh. which also im very grateful that it also got a russian translation by _Полуночник_! sorry that these news aren't very positive for the fans of empty, but i promise i'll get around it someday.
anyway, this turned out too long. thank you for still checking my stories, as bad as they are! i really, really appreciate you all reaching out to me. hopefully this year i can be more active, even if to write drabbles with meaning behind it. (i just love stories with lores thats why im so damn slow) although... i wrote more for myself in the beginning, so i was very surprised that people wanted more LOL
oh and im going to post masterlists to order my shit better. i want pretty visuals too, yk? headsup if u see me posting... also, feel free to ask anything about this vent lol i dont mind. (also i always got notifications to my email when someone asked something, and idk when they stopped? also, yeah, i check my email 😞)
hope you are having a good start of year. and, if not, well, we have 11 months anyways
and i never fucking realize i had 550 FOLLOWERS. i am not fit for social media y'all im sorry. i'll have to spoil you with something... THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING A DAMN GRAVEYARD 😭 i will make it better i promise
also... dont use chat bots... my brain rotted... 😞 i had an unhealthy obsession (still do) but don't give in LMAO
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n0irrrr · 5 months ago
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morning ~~ Just a question ☝️, when you rewrite Empty (if you rewrite it), will you delete the original? Or will you leave her alone and rewrite her into a different story? (Did you understand?? sorry to bother you!)
morning anon! don't worry, i got your question!
and aaaaaaaa, that has been a problem lately for me. i thought of deleting the original and begin anew, but then i remember there's people who had 'subscribed' to the novel on other websites and i wonder if i should just 'overwrite' past chapters and keep going posting in the same work.
or just leave that story uncompleted (but public) and create another work entirely...
sorry for not answering clearly, lol. but for now it's undecided, but i'll make a post if i delete it or not!
also, you're not bothering!! ask anything anytime, anons! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧
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n0irrrr · 5 months ago
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Please! 🙏🏽Make Empty rise from the ashes like a phoenix 🦅🦅
im gonna take your hand when i say this but that is very unlikely (꒦ີ﹏꒦ີ。) that story makes me cringe so i NEED to rewrite it (even though my writing hasn't improved LOL), but it just makes me ugggghh and it is so damn long LOL. i would love to continue it, but for now it's in the limbo until i get around it.......
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n0irrrr · 5 months ago
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i suddnely remembered ur works and how much i loved it and i literally just read every single work u have i just wanted to say that i love all of your works and i hope ur happy and healthy ❤️❤️
you're really nice, thank you! I've been taking a long break and I've missed a lot of asks in here (since my email now doesn't get any notifications from tumblr all of sudden...), but your ask really brings me a lot of warmth! (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡
hope you had a good year and a good beginning of the year too!!!
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n0irrrr · 1 year ago
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REISS MENTAL ASYLUM / 14
【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. Somnophilia at the end! masterlist
notes: someday i will rewrite this whole cringe thing and feel better about it, LOL. but i hope there's enjoyement in this chapter.
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「lazy afternoons」
“Yes, Porco, I’m okay.” [name] chuckled softly. “I will stay over a friend’s house, so there’s no need to worry about me.”
Porco snorted loudly, obviously making fun of his lie. [name] pouted at such reaction. “A friend’s house? Exactly who? You have no friends, you loser."
”H—Hey! I do have friends!!” He felt childish, and he could tell Porco was having fun by proving him he was a lonely loser. “I have many!!”
”Really? Haven’t seen you go out a single day without the same fucking guy.”
"They are just... secretive. AND busy!"
"Busy... of course." Porco's tone changed, but [name] couldn't put more attention thanks to his migraine. "If everything goes well here, we'll have a talk, you and me. It's important."
"That sounds serious... is something going on?"
"Just... take care of yourself in that disgusting place, man. Tell Victor—"
"Vincent!"
"Whatever his fucking name is, to stay with you. With what you told me, I..." Porco couldn't continue. [name] heard some grunts on the other line— was he embarrassed?
[name] grinned. "I care about you too, Porco."
"Shut up. I'm hanging up." [name] could tell he was flustered, but silenced his laugh.
"See you soon!"
"Lock your doors and windows."
"Will do."
‿̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿
After the call ended, [Name] let out a grunt. He hid his head within his covers as he remembered Mike’s words about him getting sick. The man was a witch—or maybe a wizard? Either way, he was right. Or at least, his nose told him the future, somehow.
[Name] hadn’t felt dandy when he got to his apartment the night before. He knew getting out of the car by himself wasn’t possible, and Levi, knowing this, helped him as he did before.
He had a bad stomachache and an urge to throw up again; but thought a good night's rest was enough to wake him up and make him feel better. Unfortunately, the moment his alarm interrupted his sleep, he felt the worst way possible.
He also had a fever. He was 100% sure. The cushion was already disgustingly wet from his sweat, along with his pillow, but his sudden weak body didn’t let him get up. Not even when he felt the need to puke. So poor [Name] had to stay put and try to calm himself if he didn’t want to make a disgusting mess in his room. He didn't know how much time had passed since then.
Even if his whole body felt weak and disgusting, [Name] tried to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Yet, the moment he got up, he almost fell— if it weren’t for his nightstand, his face would have been kissing the floor, with blood being a plus. It was then that he accepted his defeat and called Margaret to notify her of his absence. She had replied, saying she had been waiting for his call since Mike mentioned his condition yesterday. The poor sick just sighed, thanked her, apologized, and hung up.
He was ready for another bad sleep when the phone on the nightstand rang. His eyes couldn’t identify the caller since his vision was a bit blurry, but answered blindly. The moment the voice in the other line spoke, [Name] miraculously surpassed an embarrassing yelp from coming out.
“[Name], it’s Erwin. Good morning, first of all. I’ve been notified of your absence for today. Is everything alright?”
“O—Oh, uhm, y—yes! Ah—! Sorry, good morning!” It was obvious [Name] wasn’t in the right mind. He couldn’t think clearly, and his head felt like it was burning. His words slurred a bit.  “I just got a bit of a fever— nothing I can’t handle, heheee…” What a fast man Erwin was— did he call him the moment Margaret notified him?
”Is that so? How are you feeling?”
”Everything is good! I’m fffine, really!”
There was a moment of silence on the other line, making [Name] a bit anxious. Was he angry? Upset? Did the think this was a lie?
“I see. Also, don’t worry about today’s schedule. Everything’s covered, alright?”
“O—Ok… and, uhm… sorry about today… I didn’t meaan to get sick…”
[Name] heard a chuckle from the other line. ”Don’t worry about that, [Name]. It’s not your fault— something like that can be rearranged when you feel better, so don’t overthink it.”
After saying goodbye, [Name] let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding.
The silence filling his room let his mind wander about the frightening man. He had felt the intense gaze on him everywhere he went. The sick male wanted to believe something else but a feeling of desire filled those blue eyes. The thought only caused him to grip the bedsheets harder, his face feeling warmer and his thoughts messy. He wanted to turn a blind eye to it, but it was too obvious. The man was bold!
But… would it be wrong, though? To accept the date fully? At the moment, it felt like an obligation—a must. [Name] didn’t feel particularly happy about such a thing. Neither when Zeke wanted to use him to do such dirty play to Erwin. Now, it didn’t feel that bad; it was just embarrassing. He laughed light-headedly as he pictured Erwin on a date with him—maybe eating strawberry cake? or just chuckling at whatever they were talking about…
The imaginary moment lulled him slowly, blinking lazily at the ceiling. Maybe a good sleep in another place would make him feel better…
But a knock on his door interrupted him, startling him. The sound only made him grunt— he didn’t want to get up… but he did nevertheless. Of course, as his mind wasn’t in the right state, he took his blanket with drawings of frogs with him. He breathed heavily as he tried not to stumble too much. When he got to the entrance, he opened the door right away while his mind ignored how Porco scolded him about how he had to look into the peephole first before answering the door. Living in this godforsaken apartment was dangerous; serial killers would love to pick a stupid victim here, he said.
He blinked lazily, not really recognizing who he was staring at. Until he abruptly stood straight with a yelp, realizing it was Levi at his door, looking as happy as ever. [Name] couldn’t be more embarrassed by how he looked right now: a blanket with cartoony frogs on it, his oversize T-shirt with his favorite cartoon, and his shorts. His hair was a mess, his face was warm, and his eyes fought to stay closed— it was more to say that his bruises were on display too.
Levi, amused by the display, raised a brow. “It looks like nose man was right.”
Still, [Name] didn't know what else to say. He stood there, dumbfounded.
“Are you making me stay here all day or what? Have some manners.” The ravenette spoke in irritation, but with no malice. After all, it was known by now that his scolding was just for fun. Well... sometimes. This was enough to wake [name] up from his embarrassing episode. He quickly opened the door with incoherent mumbling and stood aside, letting Levi inside.
He felt dizzy; what he said sounded more as if he was barely keeping it together. “I—I didn’t expect you here!” He cringed at his own wording, trying to save himself: “I mean, I don’t mean you can’t come in! It’s just that I— Weeell—”
“I didn’t expect myself here either, but since we all know you don’t know a thing about self-care, here I am." The ravenette spoke sternly, his eyes narrowing into a sharp critical gaze as he observed the apartment.
“Buuuut… There was no neeeed…” The amount of talking made him even dizzier, as he stumbled backwards a little bit. Levi just raised a brow, expecting another lie.
“Stop being stubborn and sit down.” The ravenette placed some plastic bags on the table and emptied it. He took out a canned soup, and [Name] could smell fresh vegetables from the other bag.
He stared dumbfoundedly at the contents, then at Levi, then at the bags, then at the man again. The ravenette stared him back and spoke as if he was talking with an idiot: “You don’t have anything in your fridge.”
[Name] stayed in silence, processing the words from him. Then, he stood straight as he stared in embarrassment, eyebrows furrowing. “How do you know that?!”
“Because that’s you.”
[Name] didn’t know if to take that as an offense, so he avoided the ravenette’s gaze and looked defeated.
Levi didn’t care, it seemed, since he changed the subject. “What have you been doing before I got here?”
“Hmn… nothing…?” [Name] sighed and blinked lazily. “I wanted to take a shower, since I’m all sweaty… but I didn’t have any energy, and I thought I would feeell—”
“Oh, you will,” Levi stated, while crossing his arm as he tried to think, “you will get that shower. You look like a pig.”
“You are meaaaaan…” it wasn’t as if [Name] was in his right mind anyway to think of what he said, “I’m going to fall… I can’t go… and I feel sick,” he tightened the froggy bedsheets around him even more— he just wanted to fall asleep again.
“No.” Levi spoke sternly, harshly taking the cover off of [Name], causing him to gasp. “You will get that shower, so better get up and show me where the bathroom is before I take the sink to shower you.”
The ravenette took [Name] from the back of his shirt, forcing him to stand up. [Name] couldn’t help but comply, secretly glad he didn’t have to walk alone anymore as he guided Levi to the bathroom. It could seem like a careless action or touch by Levi, but he was sure [Name] wouldn’t fall even if he tripped, since the grip on his collar was strong enough.
He just didn’t want to touch sweat.
Levi was a bit grateful the bathroom was in decent shape after seeing such living room. It was small, with some corners and part of the sink and bathtub colored in oxidation thanks to the time. The mirror had some marks on it, along with the flooring having some ruptures. In Levi's mind, he couldn't stop repeating how horrible this place was. Or rather, how disgusting this whole building was.
He ordered [name] to steady himself with the sink while he filled the bathtub with not-too-warm water. Complying with a soft okay—! [name] allowed Levi to work, a little embarrassed when he noticed Levi’s narrowed eyes glaring at how slowly the water came in. If he was bothered or irritated, he didn't voice it, nor did [name].
In whatever silence they were in, Levi broke it off with a blunt order as he returned to his spot beside [name], taking his collar again. "Take your clothes off."
"U—Uh..?! That's sooo straightforward!!" raising his voice, [name] could feel his face getting warmer. "I—I can't do that in front of youu...!"
"Then should I throw you fully clothed in the water? Or should I undress you myself?"
[Name] felt a little bit of dread at the thought of Levi letting go of him. If he did, [name] didn't trust himself to remain standing.
"O-Okay, okay! Just... please turn around," he said his request with as much gentleness as he could have, eyeing Levi with a pleading look. The ravenette frowned as he stared at the sick idiot for a couple of seconds with cryptic eyes before giving in. Sighing in relief, [name] used Levi's shoulders to steady himself as he undressed clumsily. A few times [name] tightened his grasp on Levi's when tripping with his own clothes, only noticing his strength when the ravenette grunted or let out a remark.
"D—Don't turn around yet! Just... step backwards a little bit, pleease..." Carefully, [name] stepped inside the bathtub with a hum as his skin met the tepid water. It was just then, with water just under his chest as he hugged his legs, that he realized how hot he was. He involuntarily sank his whole body into the water, humming at the now-comforting temperature. He quickly retreated to his original stance when he remembered Levi was waiting for him. "...okay, you can turn around..."
"Finally." Levi took a small stool that was behind the sink and placed it beside the bathtub, sitting down. He rolled up his sleeves and took the shampoo, placing some on his hands. "Close your eyes," he commanded before rubbing the shampoo on [name]'s head, massaging the scalp.
It was actually relaxing on [name]'s part. He thought Levi would be rougher, but his hands were gentle. He could hear himself let out a content hum while his shoulders eased and he rested his chin on his knees.
“Bend over a bit.” Levi asked in a gentle tone this time, taking the soap. Just when [Name] obeyed and Levi was ready to lather him up, he noticed a lengthy burn scar on [Name]’s back, more so on the left side. It didn’t look… severe per se— boiled water, perhaps? Levi could tell fire didn’t cause it.
Whoever it was or whatever caused it, Levi continued to bathe [Name] with other thoughts in mind. It seemed the idiot had forgotten, since he didn’t say a thing about his silence.
“Sorry you haave to do aaall of this, Levi…” [Name]’s voice cut his dark thoughts off. “I’m very sorryyy,”
This time, it was Levi who sighed. “I told you yesterday, didn’t I, idiot? If I don’t do it myself, I will be in a bad mood all fucking day. And I have enough with those shitty glasses at work.”
[Name] giggled, “a mooore of bad mood?”
“Don’t get smart with me.” Levi warned him, but he didn’t sound hostile.
[name] talked about everything and anything. He looked content even if Levi gave hums or half answers when being asked something. At some point, [name]'s voice got lower and lower, until he fell silent. The ravenette was unsure if he had fallen asleep, but seeing his shoulders go up and down slowly made him sure.
Just seeing him like this, in this godforsaken place, rotting away... made him feel something he didn't want to say out loud. He just felt irritation.
[name] seemed asleep. Before waking him up, Levi gently caressed the scar on his back and wondered the reason for this act of dominance. Confusion, or perhaps anger, danced in his mind—not exactly for the scar per se.
He retreated his touch and got up, speaking louder to wake [name] up.
"Oi. Wake up. You can't sleep yet." As he took a towel, he signaled him to stand up to dry his body. He noticed how groggily the [hair color]-haired stood up, with eyes closing every two seconds and not even complaining about being seen naked this time. Levi quickly wrapped [name]'s body without much of a glance. His arm went around [name]'s waist to guide him out of the bathroom and to his room, as [name] vaguely told him where it was.
Surprisingly, his room wasn't a mess. Everything seemed in order and clean, to Levi's somehow relief. Levi asked him for clean clothes as he helped [name] sit down on his bed, but [name] was unable to answer because of his sleepy state. The ravenette grunted as he snapped his fingers in front of [name]'s face, making him jump in surprise and barely waking him up.
"Clothes... Ah! Right there, Levi." The ravenette opened the wardrobe and took the first thing he saw, which was another oversized T-shirt with, this time, a picture of a fat cat, and a pair of shorts. He couldn't stop himself from raising his brows in amusement at such choice of designs, almost wanting to make a remark about it. Yet, it wouldn't be as rewarding to see [name]'s groggy state acting stupid like his normal self. He threw the shirt over [name]'s head, the sick completely out of it to even complain about it.
Levi crossed his arms. "Answer—should I dress you or are you capable?"
"Mhm...? Oh, yeah... I caan..." [name] yawned, lazily taking the shirt. Levi had never seen such clumsiness before as he observed how the idiot missed the biggest entrance for his head to one of the arm’s. And then he looked pretty content about being trapped in the smallest hole, as if he had done a splendid job.
“You look stupid.” That was the only statement Levi could spit out before helping him with the t-shirt. His next objective was the shorts, but [Name] seemed to quickly snap out of his dazed and quickly stutter slurred words Levi couldn’t understand, but could decipher by [Name]’s stupid, embarrassed expression. As always, he asked him to turn around.
“You need to eat.” Levi stated as [Name] finished, turning to him once again.
“I want to sleep, Levi.” The sick idiot tried to lay down on the bed, but Levi’s grip on his shirt stopped him.
“Before that, you will eat.”
“But I’m sleepy…” [Name] tried to ‘charm’ Levi by blinking and staring pathetically. The ravenette narrowed his eyes.
It didn’t work. “But I don’t care. Get up.”
All of this felt like Levi was taking care of a child. Or perhaps a cat. A clumsy, useless cat whose life was only to destroy things and be a nuisance.
[Name] complied. Although this time he didn’t try to not be an annoyance, because his body felt heavier and his words didn’t make sense. Levi knew he needed sleep, but he couldn’t let him, still. Or he just didn’t want to. He couldn’t deny that painful, tired face made him feel better.
He instructed [Name] to patiently wait on the couch, since at least he had some mercy on him and didn’t let him wait on the chair while Levi chopped some vegetables for the food.
The sounds of the old TV and the low snores from [Name]’s filled the room, leaving Levi in a barely peaceful moment.
As he put the ingredients into the pot where he had filled it with the soup, he went to sit on the chair while observing [Name], who waited for the food to be ready.
The idiot stayed asleep, with no care or worry about who was with him. Has anyone broken in? Levi wondered.
The lock looked cheap and easy to break, but Levi instantly knew this idiot would open the door before looking, even if he was in his sane mind. A strong lock or a fancier building wouldn’t change that.
If Erwin hadn't taken a liking to him, where would he be? Dead inside a dumpster, maybe. Or perhaps in a job barely making the minimum wage. Or suffering under someone’s orders. Well, it wasn’t as if his situation was any better, in such a filthy place. Erwin had his reasons to hire him, but he didn't share them. What he couldn't hide from Levi was the acts of devotion he had for the assistant; how his blue eyes stared with such... affection? No. Erwin wasn't like that. Something vicoius hide beside that caring-boss facade. 
Speaking of that, who was this guy? Levi felt even more disgusted by the place as he took another look around. This whole building was rotting. Either way, Levi could observe [name]’s attempt to ‘hide’ the mess—pictures. One with him and friends? Perhaps family; a younger [name] with a dog; another picture of him, a guy looking irritated with a black-haired girl... Pretty ordinary pictures.
There were a few small plants, too. A book on the table beside the couch; keys hanging on the wall—were those small paintings? Levi could distinguish between what seemed to be the ocean and a sunset; in another painting, there were frogs in a pod.
[Name] was just like he imagined: a mundane person that he wouldn't usually take an interest in. How could he? This clumsy guy was easy to control, easy to overpower, had naive ideas, was dense... Then why this sudden attention? To someone so insignificant? He could understand Erwin's motives and even that four-eyes son of a bitch, but not his own. Levi found this irritable.
Maybe he liked to imagine how he would tangle his fingers between [name]'s hair, seeing his expression of satisfaction only for him to pull and see that face of being hurt: that pout, teary eyes, that slight frown meaning that he's going to cry... Or just harshly grab that jaw to hear him squeak once he takes his hand away to see the marks he made on that pretty face.
That face…
Levi narrowed his eyes.
That stupid face.
The reminder of the food interrupted his nightmarish thoughts. He went to check and realized it was ready. Without any permission, he took a bowl from the drawers—which didn’t have much—which, particularly, was blue with painted sheep. Levi couldn’t really believe how childish this guy was—hmn? Was that a mug with painted cats…?
Levi served the food. Even when he made lots of noise, the sick idiot didn't even move. The caretaker got in front of him and stared him down—[name] looked exhausted. His expression wasn't a comfortable one*; his body looked tense, and he was sweating.
He looked disgusting.
“Wake up.” Levi grabbed the front of his shirt with no gentleness.
[Name] barely woke up groggily, with his eyes barely opening and closing. From his mouth came words with no meaning, not even pying attention for the man.
Levi made him sit down while he ignored his pleas for him to stop. “Food’s ready. Wake the hell up.”
“Buuuut… I’m asleep…”
“Now you’re not. Get up.” [name] resisted. Levi gritted his teeth, and in his eyes reflected an anger that made [name] shiver. “Get the fuck up, or I’ll punch you until you die.”
“Ok, Okay! I’mm uup—!” Even with slurred words and a weak mind, he knew Levi didn’t make jokes. The thought of Levi acting like a beast made him gulp.
“Huh…” [name] looked at the table, and then at the couch. “Can I eat on the couch…? I don’t want to sit down…”
Levi tightened the grip on his collar. The sounds from the TV weren’t helping his temper much, since an annoying money TV game was on and fueled Levi’s annoyance with him.
The caretaker only pulled him forcibly. “No. You will sit like a civilized, mannered person, not like a pig. You will make a mess if you lay down.”
[name] didn’t dare say anything else. He sat down, like a good boy, and looked at his food. It looked good, actually. The nice aroma reminded him of the hunger in his stomach, as it immediately growled. [name] took the spoon, ready to eat it all.
But, just as expected, [Name] was unable to even feed himself accordingly. His sloppy movements, thanks to his sudden sleepiness, made him unable to hold the spoon properly, messing up the table and dirtying his face. Levi grunted, disgusted once again and more annoyed.
With a harsh move, he took the spoon from [Name]’s shaky hand, surprising him with it. But before Levi could feed him himself, he took a napkin and, with not much gentleness, cleaned [Name]’s face. Whimpers and soft complaints left [Name], but they went to deaf ears. Just as Levi finished, he clicked his tongue at his own exasperation.
“Open your mouth. I will feed you like the child you are.” Levi harshly took [name]'s jaw while he guided the spoon to his mouth. [Name] felt ashamed at first, desperately staring anywhere but Levi's eyes. The ravenette didn't like [name]'s childish behavior, as his grip on his jaw tightened. [name] jumped, opening his mouth with teary eyes. "Why don't you just obey? Always doing what you should not be doing." Levi's never softened his grip, perhaps as a punishment for being disobedient.
This kept going in silence until [name] felt full. A gentle touch on the hand with which Levi gripped his jaw was enough for his caretaker to abruptly stop and glare at him directly. [name]’s body tensed. "I'm—I'm full..." The stare he got was enough to make him shiver. Why were there times when he could speak to Levi normally, but in times like this, Levi unnerved him?
It didn't help when he stared like that. And the way he silently got up, took his bowl, and began doing the dishes didn’t help at all. Was he angry? Did he do something wrong?
Well, whatever. He felt sleepy again. The food had helped him feel comfortable, in some way.
“Dhankss for the food, Levaa…” His eyelids felt heavy.
A grunt was the only answer. [name] slowly began to drift away, dreams taking his mind. His arms rested on the table, letting his face rest on them. The soft silence from the dishwasher lulled him.
This time, Levi didn't say anything else. Instead, he knew he felt a hand caress his hair before shaking his shoulder, but he could be wrong, after all.
“You are asleep already.” Levi’s soft voice sounded far away, even if he was next to him. His strong arm wrapped around his waist, guiding him to the bathroom again.
[name] couldn't open his eyes anymore. His body felt automatic—he just felt Levi’s hands on his mouth, brushing his teeth gently. Did he dream all of this, actually?
He didn’t even remember walking to his bed, but he was already under the covers. Levi’s hand rested on his forehead, and [name] could barely see his usual frown. The sick idiot couldn't help but close his eyes again, but once he opened them again, something cold was resting on his forehead.
Levi said something, but [name] didn't understand.
“That feelss goood…” [name] smiled contently. He chuckled softly. “You are a great nurse, Mr. Levi.”
Levi didn’t like that, since he flicked a finger on [name]’s forehead. [Name] whined, the eyes of betrayal stared at Levi’s face, who glared back. [Name] pouted.
“Not nice…”
“I’m not nice.” Levi changed the cloth to a colder one, by [name]’s relief.
“You are.” He closed his eyes again.
“Not.”
“Just rough sometimes. But you are nice.”
Levi didn’t answer, but it was enough for [name] to look content. A frown formed on Levi’s face while he sat down beside [name]. He took the mug off the nightstand, which [name] didn’t even notice, and waited for the sick idiot to react. “Take a sip.”
“What’s…?”
“Ginger tea. Take. A. Sip.”
[name] chuckled like an idiot while Levi helped him sit down. Levi’s hand on his back and how he helped him take small sips brought him some type of comfort. The feeling of being taken care of was… nice, even if he knew Levi didn’t like the whole idea. Any other type of comfort in his life was Porco; he would be lying if he didn’t feel happy having someone so… caring and trustworthy around him. Knowing he was away made him sad.
“I… don’t waant mooore.”
Levi stopped without much to say, and left the mug in its previous place. He told [name] not to lay down since he could feel like vomiting again. He changed the cloth again before his hand stayed on his forehead to not let the cloth fall down. [name] opened his eyes tiredly to admire Levi. Well, what else could he do?
Levi sure was a handsome man. Or did he confess that to himself because he was not in his right mind? Well, he didn’t admit that out loud…
He felt lightminded; perhaps that’s why he felt bolder to say things.
“You are scary sometimes.” Even though the statement wasn’t a positive thing to say, [name] smiled like an idiot. “Veeeeery scary…”
Levi narrowed his eyes.
“Buut even scary, you look good!”
Levi didn’t react— not openly, at least. “And you look dumb, but that doesn’t give you any favors.”
[Name] chuckled. Levi helped him lay down again.
“I’m sleepy.”
Levi removed the cloth and rested his hand on [name]’s forehead to feel his temperature. [Name] hummed contently as he felt Levi’s cold fingers on his warm skin. Without much thought, he gently moved Levi’s fingers over his closed eyes. He felt more comfort.
“Migraine?” Levi asked.
“Hmn…” [Name] didn’t have more energy to give a detailed answer.
“I left pills on your nightstand.” Levi said, “Take some.”
“No… I’m… tired…” [name]’s eyelids felt heavier, and he couldn’t help closing them.
Levi didn’t like being contradicted, but he kept silent. Perhaps he was tired because of him, or just annoyed. He grunted but didn’t say further. The room fell into silence. Levi stared at [name]’s face, who rested quietly. As he saw nothing else bothering him, he got up and spoke loudly for [name] to hear. [name] opened his eyes tiredly when he got up from the bed.
"It's time for me to go, then." Levi was ready to leave, but he felt something pulling his hand before he began to walk away. He turned his head just to see [name] staring at him with pleading eyes, almost looking like a child scared of the dark.
"Nooo... don't leave me, please," he pleaded. "Stay with me..."
"I can't. Go to sleep."
"But, Levi, I'm scared of being alone... Please, just stay with me this time, pretty pretty please?"
Levi stared, again. With holding hands still, [name] blinked slowly with his long eyelashes, making his plea more "captivating.” Levi wanted to punch his face.
“No.”
“Pretty pleasse…” [name] tightened the grip on his hand.
Levi actually thought about it this time. Perhaps [name] was going to fall asleep, since he looked too tired. “Five minutes.” He answered before sitting down again in the same place, while ignoring how content and happy [name] stupidly looked. Silence filled the room again, but speaking wasn’t necessary for both of them this time.
After such peace, the phone rang. [Name] grunted at the interruption of his sleep, but quickly took the phone before missing the call. The frown that was plastered on his face changed to a soft smile as he answered. Levi narrowed his eyes at such change.
“Hi, Vincent.” [name] replied. “I’m good. Thank you for calling.”
What a good friend.
“It’s fine. Actually, Levi came to—”
Levi snitched the phone out of his hands. Vincent’s voice only fueled his irritation, as his worried questions were heard from the other line.
“What a nice, worried friend you are, Mr. Guard.”
Vincent didn’t answer at first. “Mr. Ackerman, good afternoon.”
Levi could notice Vincent’s change of tone. Well, the feeling was mutual.
“No need for such cute calls for your boyfriend.”
“If I’m worried about him, then I’ll call.”
Levi gritted his teeth. *“*How daring.”
Levi noticed Vincent was going to make a remark, but he shut himself up before spitting it. The ravenette smirked slightly. At least such guard knew who he was talking to. Due to the lack of an answer, Levi kept speaking.
“You asked, he answered. This is all you’ll get.”
Vincent seemed to rile himself up. "He doesn’t—” But Levi hung up before Vincent could finish. He slammed the phone with such force, that made [name] jump at the noise.
Levi stared knives at the phone, not paying attention to [name]’s stare.
“You don’t like Vincent.” [name] looked at him timidly, speaking softly. Levi did look furious at the call— but [name] was sure Vincent wasn’t the type of person to look for problems. What did make Levi so angry?
“Is that a problem for you?”
[name] frowned. It… wasn’t a problem, but he didn’t like seeing his friend— or confidant? being treated so harshly. He knew Levi could see that, but he knew how Levi acted. The people in the asylum could be really… spiteful. Either way, the reflective thoughts only soothed him—he was more than tired. Levi waited, but the question was left unanswered. Instead, it was met with soft snores coming from the idiot.
He had fallen asleep at last.
Levi glared at him—how could he be sleeping so comfortably with him in the room? Leci here, acting like a good guy only fueled his anger. There had to be a reward for this absurdity. He didn’t comprehend his own feelings—their meaning. After all, he hadn’t needed them in a long time, if ever. [name] made him repulsed by such foolish emotions.
How bitter you are.
[Name] didn’t mean to last in that place, but Erwin and four eyes sought any ways to protect him from all evil. Even so, they themselves were worse than the subjects. Levi laughed bitterly internally every time one of them couldn’t hide their desire to possess such a good-for-nothing assistant. He couldn’t understand wholly, but now he saw why. But ‘liking’ him? It wasn’t that. It was something else, but Levi still couldn’t comprehend. He should, soon enough.
Levi glanced at [name], waiting for the moment to move.
And, just when he noticed [Name] fell into a deep slumber, the devil returned.
Levi couldn't stop himself. There was just this urge.
Shifting his body slowly to not interrupt his companion's sleep, facing him. He stared at [name]'s body; how his chest moved according to his breathing, how his lips slightly opened as gentle, barely audible snores came out of his mouth—his long eyelashes, his relaxed, cute expression... only for him to see.
Levi's hand slowly moves under [name]'s shirt, gently caressing his warm stomach. He moved his touch on [name]'s waist this time, grabbing and squeezing part of the flesh not too harshly. The ravenette waited for a response, but just as he was met with silence, he continued his secret exploration in quietness. This time, he rested his head on the crock of [name]'s neck, smelling his scent. His hand explored the flesh a bit more daringly, slowly crawling his way to reach [name]'s chest, the tips of his fingers exploring the flesh cautiously.
This time [name] whimpered softly, his body shivering for one second. The ravenette waited for any other reaction or complaint, but [name] remained in his slumber with a troubled expression adorning his face.
Levi smirked.
What a reward.
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n0irrrr · 1 year ago
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Are you still working on your Attack On Titan stories? Or are they discontinued? Sorry if I’m bothering you I noticed that you’ve been posting a bit. I hope you have a nice day and take care of yourself!
hi, anon! im trying to work on reiss asylum for the moment... very slowly, but making some progress.
and don't worry! these asks are not a bother <3 thank you for reaching out and i wish i could be a more competent writer LOL. but writing hasn't come to me as it used to.
thank you and i hope you are doing well aswell!!
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n0irrrr · 1 year ago
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Hey how are you? Sorry for the question, but are you still going to continue the story empty? I love this story so much and I wanted to know if there was a sequel, and I love your writing♡♡
hi dear!! i'm better, thank you! i hope you are doing well as well.
as you noticed... empty has gone into an indefinite hiatus :( i'm not really happy with how it is right now, but instead of deleting the whole thing, what i'm trying to do is just rework earlier chapters and continue. unfortunately, im trying to focus on my other story first, so empty will be abandoned some time. sorry!
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n0irrrr · 2 years ago
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Child of the sun, come back
[ascended!astarion x gn!spawn!reader]
You had colorful memories, once: vivid flower fields, triumph smiles, faces that gave you comfort. But now, images of curtains with the sun behind blurred your mind, leaving darkness where color had been, once.
1122words / one shot / angst
note: after years of not writing anything, baldurs gate has inspired me to write just a little bit. ascended astarion has some good angst around him and i love it
There were days spent in the hollow main room, where the curtains protected your being from becoming dust. A lonely chair in front of the window, where just a peek welcomed a ray of the sun to meet the cold room. You just admired it quietly, desiring it to meet your flesh once more; to take you back to who you once were.
Astarion had said something once. He had stayed, observing silently, as if you were going to open the curtains and kiss the sun, leaving to another limbo. You knew it wasn't because he was scared, but everytime you came here, he appeared. Standing near the door where the darkness was, as if he were hiding from the rays of sunlight. He had yearned for them, once. Perhaps its familiarity had bored him.
But then, that company left, and the sun stayed.
“I don't know what's inside that head of yours, darling.”
He could know, but he chose not to.
Quietly watching as you hug your legs, your gaze peeking behind your knees. A ray almost looking magical, sacred. A plea to be touched.
Come back to me, child of the sun.
Child of the sun… you were, once. Someone had called you that, once. Who? You wondered—always did.
Sometimes you caught yourself forgetting memories; where once there were faces with prideful smiles, now rest the images of curtains, and that face, almost proudly, looking back at you with a high face.
Then, you hear it: a melody. Maybe inside your head, but it has been a long time since satisfying music passed through your ears. Closing your eyes, your head moves slightly with the rhythm. This palace had always been silent.
You stood up. Your legs moved by themselves—a curious thing, feeling as if something controlled you. Your hands dance delicately. This time, is enjoyable.
Someone taught you how to dance, once. A warm hand guided your clumsy steps to a magnificent piece. Warm compliments to keep you going. You had fun—you remembered that.
You danced, once. With who?
“You are dancing.”
You stopped, paying full attention to him. The room seemed darker.
“I was.”
Astarion just stared. Observing was one of his favorite pastimes all this eternity. Arms behind him, trying to interpret your curious actions. But then, he holds his hand for you to take.
“Dance with me.” This time it doesn't feel like a command—a request, perhaps. Either way, it required your obedience.
You accepted it, and in an instant, he had a grip on you—his left arm around your waist, his right hand taking your hand higher. A close proximity you expected. This Astarion loved touch—to be close. Weirdly, this grip was soft.
And then, he moved. You are confused by the dance—what was his intention? Slower? Faster? Your clumsiness appeared once more by almost falling, but the vampire’s hands kept you in place. The soft chuckle from Astarion fills your ears, and you feel something you hadn't felt lately—embarrassment.
When was the last time you felt anything, anyway?
“Why the rush, my dear? We just began.” He guided you. Back perfectly still, shoulders impeccably aligned, head high, with eyes staring back at you with a gentleness you didn't recognize. His true intentions were unknown to you. When those scarlet eyes held such tenderness just for you in this present, you didn't know if they were real, or if the meaning behind them was something completely different.
Either way, this mystery game tired you and holds no meaning anymore. Resting your head on his chest, the melody that once was, dissolved, leaving you in a cold silence. The curtains blocked the sun, and the rays of light weren’t as strong as before. Were they afraid, of the dark in the room?
“I was a child of the sun, once.” You muttered more to yourself than to him.
“You were, once.” A different grip—tighter, afraid to let go; or, maybe, caging you to not break the connection. But was it a connection when one line was severed? When the other side was unresponsive?
There was no answer when his response was final. A tone that you use with a child when they should not question further. You are happy without divulging. Ignorance is a bliss. Stay with me. Why do you even think of leaving?
“This is what you wanted—to stay with me.” He reassured, whispering over your ear as he pressed your bodies together.
“Of course I did.” An instant answer. To you, it is a justification for your predicament. To him, it is a decision you made for love. A meaning that both sides had something in common: to stay beside each other for eternity, even if the concept of love was morphed according to whom the person is.
Then, he stopped, and so did you. Opening your eyes, you looked at him, only to see unusual fragility in that crimson. The dance already forgotten; his hand moved to grip your jaw, leaving a gentle kiss. Your eyes flickered to the hidden windows—slightly opened, letting the curtains dance, too.
Strange tenderness. There’s nothing.
He broke the one-sided connection. Crimson eyes wandered your face. “Your meal is soon. I advise you to get ready, my love.” He doesn't leave. He needs an answer.
“Of course.” The response satisfied him, as he freed your jaw from his grip. He takes backwards steps with his arms on his back, observing again. You took the chance to study him, too—exactly the same as you can remember. Curled soft hair, as white as snow; stance looking proudly, But that face…
“I’ll wait for you.”
“Yes.”
Unfortunately, such embrace almost meant nothing. A chore, perhaps; or maybe, a burden only a puppet can keep on doing. The cruelty of it all left hollowness, and even the memories had left you.
The rays of light seemed to exist again once his presence was gone. There's warmth once the sun remembers you, calling what was before your name. To come back to them.
You had a name, back then. Your friends called your name, once. They didn’t erase it. They didn’t call you things you weren't.
The memories belong to the curtains. What you once were, belongs to them now.
You had a reflection. You had warmth. You had mortality. You had the sun. You had him. You had—
You opened the curtain.
The window had no reflection for you.
But it had such a loving embrace you didn’t have in many years.
You came back to me, child of the sun.
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n0irrrr · 2 years ago
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Did you quit
nope, it's just a long hiatus because of life, and that has affected my inspiration and mood for writing :c
also, since reading my stuff again has made me cringe so badly, i think i've decided to rewrite/overwrite RMA and empty because it is soo bad... although i have mostly written rma's next chapter, i'm not sure when i will finish it :C
honestly, seeing these two works public makes me so stressed LOL. i hope readers dont take them the wrong way, although they are really bad omg. i've wanting to erase them completely, but i know there are people who come back to re-read them and i guess that is stopping me.
hopefuly i can write small stories or oneshots for more than the aot fandom, so don't be mad at me if im not updating those two series!
also, empty got a russian translation 9 months ago, and i just completely forgot i had messages here. so check if out.
i know there are asks that havent been answered... (っ◞‸◟ c)
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n0irrrr · 3 years ago
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you hangin in there?
i am, unfortunately, still alive
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n0irrrr · 3 years ago
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heeeey i really love how you write, are you going to continue any of the series?? :(((
hello! i truly want to continue my stories and write new works, unfortunately i have been pretty busy with my life now since i have started college... but i do check what can i write from time to time ;_;
knowing myself i wont give a "expect something this month" because i am a liar LOL. but i won't leave them, so i do plan to continue them!
unfortunately seeing them makes me cringe T_T but a rewrite is a no-no knowing myself... but expect some changes to past chapters, i think.
i know this ask is old too ;_; very sorry! and thank you.
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n0irrrr · 3 years ago
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I love you and your stories/writings...... Keep safe and healthy, dear!☺️💖
thank you very much! i havent written much but my stories are always on my mind LOL. sorry for the, again, long hiatus.
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n0irrrr · 3 years ago
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I want to read your "Kisses [Various x Male!Prettyboy!Reader]" but seems like there's no URL found.... I was searching the title on your page but none appeared.. May i ask for you to send the link when you post my ask? Thank you in advance!
hi! i made it private in most of my accounts but my ao3, so you can read it there! spoiler alert: is cringe and horrible T0T but go ahead ;w;
also, i know this ask is old as hell. im very sorry!
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n0irrrr · 3 years ago
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hey, i hope ur doing ok :) i was wondering, r ur stories discontinued or r u still on hiatus? <3<3
hello!
none of my stories are discontinued unless stated otherwise! i know i don't update for months and months... but i still write or i try to write everyday at least one sentence, or just a few words to both of my stories and many others ;v; i don't want to say i'm in hiatus, but i really don't have time for anything these past few months and it has been pretty stressful. yet i really want to update so i try to get chapters done very slowly,,,, ;_;
if i do cancel/discontinue my stories, i will post an announcement saying so (: hopefully that won't happen LOL.
and yes, i'm doing ok! thank you very much. hope all of u are doing good and everything is going well! hopefully i can post something this month or the next................... hopefully orz.
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n0irrrr · 3 years ago
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Hola, nomas te quería saludar y desearte un buen día :D. Te queriá hacer una preguntita tambíen, estaba leyendo todas tus fics pero no puedo encontrar la de 'Kisses', que le pasó ?😲
Hola! Muchas gracias ^^
Aah, jejejeje es que la archivé. Me daba un poco de cringe saber que las personas leían semejante cosa jsjsjsjs (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`) es algo que escribí cuando apenas empezaba y siento que es muy tonto? o muy ew wtf.
sin embargo todavía lo tengo público en mi AO3, por si lo quieres leer jajsjsjsj.
buen día, y perdón por responder tan tarde!! ;__;
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n0irrrr · 4 years ago
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this is the most beautiful thing i ever seen in my life
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n0irrrr · 4 years ago
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this is the best timeline
no thoughts, just the aot sanrio collab
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