nipsyyy - Tumblr blog

[nipsyyy]

Are you a strong hyper independent woman or have the men in your life constantly disappointed you with their supposed help which they kept on making you count every time there was a fight so now you’ve sworn to never ask a man for help?

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

[nipsyyy]

Watching everyone tell you how much you’ve changed,how selfish you’ve become, because you no longer love them is a weird kind of satisfaction.

I love them,I always will love them,but I stopped loving them unconditionally,and obviously it meant I would no longer be a doormat which was absolutely not tolerable to them.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

– Audrey Hepburn

[nipsyyy]

Is your love language words of affirmation or you constantly need other people to say how grateful they are for the stuff you do for them, because you grew up in a house doing everything for everyone so they got used to it and only ever acknowledged if you messed up something.So now you feel the perpetual need to go to extreme lengths doing stuff for others hoping that’s what will finally get you that thank you.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

the urge to tell your mother that you aren’t her therapist,that you were a child,that you deserved a childhood without being burdened with adult problems,but then you see her trying her absolute best to give you the life you wanted,seeing her cry after a hard day at work and realising that if not me then who.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

Growing up everyone around me wanted to become adults,and despite the grass always looking greener the other side,I remember never wanting to grow up as if I felt that things would only get worse.I wasn’t an old soul, I was a child with a ton of responsibilities who knew that would only increase as I grow up.I watched all my friends talking about how much they miss being a kid,but I don’t. I don’t miss being a child,I don’t miss never understanding why there was this tension in the house,I don’t miss being the reason of multiple fights.

That’s why I constantly crave stable mature figures in my life,people around whom I can let loose,people around whom my inner child feels at peace.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

I healed when I realised the apology I wanted from that parent will never come.They do not see it from your eyes and even if they can,they will shut their eyes because it would mean they would have to admit making a mistake.Every time things get a little better,you assume this is it.They have passively realised how much they hurt you and them treating you better is the apology,and suddenly one day it switches off.You realise that every time they show the slightest bit of that affection you needed,you gaslight yourself into believing that they had it tougher and it’s you who exaggerated whatever happened.But it happens again and the tears stain the pillow and you think this time you know,you know not to go back.But it happens again and you go back once again.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

I'm nothing

but I'm everything you want me to be

I'm your personal mould

made for you

[nipsyyy]

I think more than wanting you,I wanted to know how much you wanted me,so even when you left,more than wanting you back,what I wanted is for you to regret leaving me.I feel as if I had always known that you didn’t value me as much as I valued you,so my constant need for validation and assurance that you loved me,is what drove me to this madness.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

Slowly realising that I always want to be the most reliable person for everyone because I haven’t ever been able to rely on someone completely.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

“You like taking care of people because it heals the part of you that wasn’t cared for.”

[nipsyyy]

Having issues with your dad is complicated.

You never ask me how my day is,but you’re also the only one to never pressure me about my career.We never talk about feelings but you always bring me chocolate cake whenever you feel I might be upset. You constantly remove your frustrations on me,but you were also the only one who never got frustrated when I took more than usual time to learn how to cycle and kept teaching me every day over and over again.I resent you more than I have ever resented anybody, but I also trust you more than I have ever trusted anybody.

[nipsyyy]

Nothing will ever emotionally destroy you more than the constant need to be understood by people who over and over again have proved to you that they will not understand you.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

Have you ever so desperately wished for the ones around you to actually see your problems and struggles,in hope that it will change the way they treat you,if not out of love,atleast out of pity.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

Going through a bad time mentally and wanting to hide it but at the same time wanting to be seen so badly.You try your hardest to pretend as if everything’s fine but you oh so badly want someone to see through the act,someone to come and wipe tears that you never shed.

-nipuna

[nipsyyy]

And perhaps I had no other choice but to hope.

-nipuna