notsoevil

[notsoevil]

this sounds amazing?????

I just scrolled through looking at all the recent Good Omens + Supernatural crossover content and uhhhhh, Crowley and Aziraphale being Castiel’s parents is the best thing ever??? It makes zero sense whatsoever, but I don’t care because it’s amazing 💕

[notsoevil]

This is beautiful! I highly recommend you read their other poems as well 😊

I am a tree with no roots,

I am starvation,

Hungry for grounding.

I lose myself in the films,

The movies that drown me,

Cloud out my memory,

Who was I two hours before.

I am water in a jug

That sits on the shelf,

The one that never gets cleaned off,

Dusted well enough.

I am no good with keeping up,

Much less with myself.

I am whistles and heels,

I’m no good at both

[notsoevil]

self Destruction

Self-destruction is a

Dangerous path down

Hills spotted and blotted

With dried grass that clings

To raindrops with brittle

Blades

A winding path through

Blood-red canyons

Drawing you in and

Suffocating

In through the nose

Out through the mouth

A mantra accompanying

In the depths of the

Dark

Every time you see

The sparkle of stars

Rays of light on

Raindrops that come from

Hidden clouds carrying

Messages sent by

The Beyond

And every time

You climb further and

Further

And further

Slip.

Fall.

Repeat.

Red sand stuck under

Your fingernails

In your hair and

Yet you

Climb.

Self Destruction is a

Cycle of rising

Falling

And rising again

But this time

I’ll make it 

To the top

Promise?

Promise.

(That’s what I said before)

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Hi! I haven’t been active in forever so when I finally got the inspiration to write something again, I decided to post it right away, without thinking too much! I would very much love some feedback/criticism 

(hey @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover guess who’s back 😅)

[notsoevil]

wow if this works i’ll be so goddamn happy :)

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

[notsoevil]

If you receive this you make somebody happy. Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get back even better. ♡

Awwwww thanks bby! I’m so happy to have you as a friend 😊

[notsoevil]

Thicc Android 😂

@misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lao-pendragon @legdabs @iihappydaysii

from now on your tumblr nickname is whatever you get from this sexual identity generator  ☆

[notsoevil]

I’ve Loved You Before

It had been exactly a week since Arthur ‘rose from the dead,’ so to speak. Truth be told, Merlin had not expected Arthur’s return to be so troublesome, and while he was happy the king was back, he found the whole situation to be weirdly bizarre. Merlin had secretly hoped the reunion would be profound and beautiful, maybe even romantic, but never would he have imagined Arthur turning up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, shivering from head to toe in the chilly January air, muttering out a barely there, “Merlin.” The sorcerer had just enough time to catch Arthur as he collapsed, grunting under his weight. Not the Saturday night he had planned. 

Now they were sitting in Merlin’s living room, Arthur curiously inspecting the TV remote for at least the twelfth time in the last seven days alone, while Merlin sat on the sofa next to him, knees curled up to his chest, contemplating what they should do next. The radio was quietly playing in the kitchen, which song, Merlin had no idea, but it provided a nice background noise. Merlin perked up once as the radio host said something about snowstorms, but quickly returned to his thoughts. Arthur had come back, so that meant Avalon was was in desperate need - only there was no more Avalon.

Arthur let out a small huff as he placed the remote on the couch next to him. The brunet looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Merlin, I’m bored. Entertain me.” 

“Hmph,” was Merlin’s short reply, before he stared at a certain spot on the carpet that had caught his attention. He wasn’t in the mood for silly antics, and besides, he had better things to do.

Arthur stood up and stretched, letting out an exaggerated yawn. The sorcerer heard him pad into the kitchen and open the fridge. Seconds later he closed it again and groaned.

“I’m hungry Merlin! Do we have any of that peculiar bread from last night left over?”

Sighing, Merlin stood up and joined the king in search of food.

“It’s called pizza, and no, you finished it for breakfast this morning.”

“Oh.” Arthur opened a cabinet above the stove and peered inside. 

“What do you expect to find in there?” Asked Merlin. “I don’t keep food in the house, you know that. Nothing but pure necessities.” 

“I know, that’s the problem!” Said Arthur, frowning. 

Merlin let out a small laugh and shook his head. “I’ll take you to the store tomorrow, then we can buy some. If you’re hungry now, I can make you some scrambled eggs.”

“That would be nice.” Arthur hopped onto the counter next to the oven as Merlin took two eggs out of the fridge, turning on the stove and cracking the eggs into a bowl to whisk them. 

The radio host announced the end of commercial break and a familiar tune started playing. 

Merlin smiled and murmured, “I like this song.” 

Arthur reached over to the windowsill and turned up the music, just as the first lyrics started playing. 

When I think of how you know me,

No doubts no thinking twice.

“What song is this,” queried Arthur, as Merlin hummed along.

“I’ve Loved You Before by Melissa Etheridge, I believe.”

“Ah. I like it.”

Merlin grinned.

We were lovers in an army,

Marching all for Rome.

The king hopped off the counter when Merlin took a step away from the pan, turning down the heat to let the eggs simmer. 

Arthur grabbed Merlin’s arm and prompted, “Let’s dance.”

The latter just had time to wonder, “Wha-“ before Arthur pulled Merlin into the open space between living room and kitchen, placing his right hand on Merlin’s waist and grabbing Merlin’s right hand with his left. Having no other choice, Merlin put his free hand on Arthur’s shoulder and they started swaying together.

Did I hold you in my arms,

As you were taking your last breath?

The two men locked eyes, and both suddenly seemed to realise the position they were in. Arthur was about to pull away, apologising, but Merlin pulled him back in, linked his hands behind Arthur’s neck and whispered, “Stay.” Arthur placed his hands back on Merlin’s waist and once again started moving to the song’s rhythm.

Did shout to all the gods,

That I would love you beyond death?

I swear I’ve loved you before.

Holding Arthur just that bit tighter, Merlin carefully let his gaze drop and bumped foreheads with the king, hearing Arthur let out a shallow breath. Listening to the lyrics, however, he started frowning, remembering how he held Arthur close in his last moments, in a position similar to the one they were in now. Only this time, Arthur was holding on just as tightly as Merlin was, and rather than an atmosphere of fear and darkness, they were surrounded by an air of peaceful content. 

An accidental touch,

Did we ever take the chance for more?

Merlin glanced up at Arthur through his lashes, and found that he was looking back at him, a smile playing on his lips. 

“I think I understand why you enjoy this song.” As Arthur spoke, his breath mingled with Merlin’s. 

Merlin grinned and sarcastically replied, “Hm, I wonder why.” Arthur laughed airily. Merlin couldn’t help but think of all the times they had cracked jokes together, so many long years ago, and was filled with a glowing warmth at the realisation, that finally, finally, they might go back to how it was, whatever that might mean. 

And every time I found you

It’s you eyes I know for sure.

“Has anyone ever told you, your eyes have the most beautiful, unique colours?” Asked Arthur, his voice barely above a whisper, blushing slightly in the pale light from the kitchen.

Merlin’s breath hitched. “No, I don’t think anyone ever has.” Arthur hummed at that, lowering his gaze, and Merlin did the same.

Both of them were acutely aware of every inch that touched the other, from their hands to their necks to their chests that were just barely brushing. 

When your smile can be so soothing,

A familiar paradise.

Merlin didn’t think before he mumbled, “I missed you.” Arthur lifted Merlin’s chin with his forefinger, and they once again locked eyes, only this time a thousand words seemed to pass between them at once, silent accusations and apologies, ‘I missed you’s and ‘where have you been’s. 

Arthur moved slowly closer, until his nose was bumping Merlin’s and he murmured, “May I kiss you?” 

When there’s no one else that makes me whole

I am never wanting more.

Rather than answering, Merlin leaned up just enough for their lips to graze each other, and Merlin heard Arthur’s breath hitch before he held onto the back of Merlin’s head and deepened the kiss, hands tangling in brown hair. It was tentative and slow, but it conveyed so many messages at once, that it overwhelmed them. They got lost in each other, years of love, friendship, loss and pain blurring into one big rush that travelled from where their lips met, all the way to his toes, leaving him lightheaded and feeling like he was floating. Arthur’s lips were soft and careful, and Merlin placed a hand on Arthur’s cheek as they pulled apart, panting, just as the last lines of the song started playing.

I know I’ve loved you before

I’ve loved you before.

Arthur grinned as he broke the silence first by saying, “I’m still hungry, Merlin.” Merlin laughed, tipping his head back.

“Well, the eggs should be done by now.” He pulled away, but took one of Arthur’s hands in his own, pulling him towards the kitchen. 

They still had so much to figure out and an immense pile of things they had yet to understand, but in this moment they were happy and content, and for once Merlin let himself get lost in that feeling. It wasn’t everything, but it was something. 

————————————————————————

Inspired by this post by @brolin-truelove

Constructive criticism appreciated! I hope you liked it 😊

[notsoevil]

Loss

“What house are you in?”

Simple enough, yet I never knew 

It would start something so new,

So adventurous and raw,

Terrifying.

I was, in fact, not talking about the young wizard's series

But rather the school we were exploring,

They’d divided us into houses, for which we would be scoring,

Yet you answered simply and short:

“Ravenclaw.”

And that’s how it started

We met that weekend,

Talking, laughing, smiling

Both of us filing

These moments under “memories,” soon to be

Long gone

School started and we were inseparable

Teachers and students alike learned,

To think of us as a duo - yet some were concerned:

How long would this last? I answer now:

An amazing instant.

We couldn’t seem to get enough of each other,

In person and on the phone,

Realising how much we’ve still not grown;

I missed you - you were here 5 minutes ago; it seemed like my greatest

Loss.

Things changed

Others started taking interest in us, 

And me, oh god I started what doomed us in the end,

A simple word, to a friend of a friend,

A small, insignificant significant word:

“Yes.”

It was a date, then two, then three,

And we started to drift apart,

When I told you it broke my heart,

Time: “Just a week” turned into two, into three, and then a 

Month

We seemed to get enough of each other,

In person and on the phone,

Realising how much we’ve grown,

Somehow I still missed you - you were here five weeks ago, it felt like a 

Loss.

My girlfriend’s friend became my new you,

Yet I never tried to replace,

And I could’ve never braced,

For what I feel now, for at the time, I was

Empty.

Counselling! They said,

Would help me through it all,

Yet they never knew, what made me build this wall,

A wall of darkness and loathing - I was

Scared.

After two months and an uninteresting birthday party,

During which we behaved, like nothing’s changed,

Yet it felt like we were estranged,

I broke up with that girlfriend, I swore I loved:

Lies.

It got worse

Counselling! Yeah right,

This hole inside, it got larger and larger,

It’s taken me months, to finally discover,

What caused it, what I had been repressing:

Lost friendship.

We walked the halls, said nothing to each other,

Classic Civilisations: we so enjoyed, 

Another burden - changed seats; another rift in the void

Do you still take it? I hope you do, it was our 

Passion.

Pretending to have gotten enough of each other,

Barely there in person, never on the phone

Acting like we’ve grown

I still missed you, I felt the 

Loss.

And so it ended

Fewer and fewer words, maybe five in a week:

“Bye” at the end of the day,

Never knew one word could weigh,

So heavily on your mind - wanted to scream:

Stay.

Once in a while, our mums would meet,

We’d act like everything was like it should be,

And I’d ignore my inner plea:

“Just tell her, tell her you miss this, miss

“Us.”

Almost kissed, I remember that clearly,

But we laughed and played it off,

You drank, I coughed,

Yet we would cuddle and remember the 

Warmth.

The day I left, you hugged me and

It felt like all the hugs we used to share

Yet heavier and filled with emotion, with more care;

We gripped onto each other and cried - 

Almost.

We never got enough of each other,

Not in person, not on the phone

Reflecting how much we’ve grown

I missed you - you were in my arms, it’s heavy, 

Loss.

Now I remember

Looking back I see all our friends,

Staying out of it,

Yet not liking it one bit,

Being torn into groups, yet staying as one: 

Divided.

I found some pictures, but you know that

I texted you in the middle of the night,

And I tried to write

A proper apology: I just blamed everyone but

Myself.

I’m still ashamed, and I should be:

You deserve so much more

Yet somehow a 2 am conversation shook us both to the core;

I hoped it would change something,

Anything.

We texted again like we used to. . .

For about a week

Now we’re back to silence, and it’s as bleak

As I remember: 

Nothingness.

We’ll never got enough of each other,

Not in person, not on the phone

Continuing to realise how much we’ve grown

I miss you - we were so close, a moment of bliss; now we’re back at 

Loss.

Hello! Thanks for reading this huge thing, but I actually based it on something that happened to me literally this year (and a bit of last) but I hope you liked it! I’m sorry it’s so long, and I plan on doing some other stuff as well, but for now have this mess 😂

Also, thank you @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover for inspiring me to start my own blog! (Definitely check her out, just . . . amazing shit she’s got there!)

[notsoevil]

Thank you so much @i-hate-everyone-2002

You guys are also amazing:

@legdabs @iihappydaysii @quiffedphil @phandomsub @knlalla @allthephils @waveydnp

I know it's not 10 but you guys are the best!!!

Send this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile.

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Bonus blog: @gypsys-and-upirs