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handy guide to star wars tv shows I made for my mom:

the mandalorian - Obi-Wan DEAD

andor - Obi-Wan ALIVE

the bad batch - Obi-Wan ALIVE

the book of boba fett - Obi-Wan DEAD

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Obi-wan, fighting a war at age 13: once this is over it will just be a bad memory

Obi-wan, watching his master get murdered in front of him: these are all just experiences to make me stronger

Obi-wan, raising a self-centred and traumatised child that was foisted on to him by his dead master: this is fine

Obi-wan, holding satine as she dies in his arms: okay stop I get it I can't have nice things

Obi-wan, wilfully ignoring anakins poorly hidden romance bc he has come to see him as a brother: this isn't so bad

Obi-wan, watching anakin choke padme after commiting his second genocide: this is very bad

Obi-wan, tearfully leaving his beloved former apprentice to die in lava after cutting off his limbs bc he had no other choice: haha sure hope he doesn't survive this and try to get revenge in a few years

Obi-wan, living in exile after almost everyone he cares for is dead and/or betrayed him: maybe the force is done with me and I can just creepily watch over luke in between crying in my hermit hut and working at the desert meat shop

Obi-wan, facing a nightmarish darth vader for the first time and getting thrown in fire: this is my life now

Obi-wan, seeing darth vader's lightsaber swing for his neck: finally, the sweet embrace of death

Obi-wan, watching luke make terrible decisions as force ghost: I suppose from this perspective my life was probably quite entertaining

obi-wan is my favorite character in anything ever because the cosmic forces that control the universe literally have it in for him specifically and this is something thats flat out stated on multiple occasions and literally everyone knows including obi-wan himself but he just keeps on sadly careening from one disaster to another as everyone he cares about dies in increasingly horrible and tragic ways while wisecracking every 5 minutes like it’s going out of style and somehow managing to become the sluttiest magic monk in the galaxy to cope. icon.

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Anakin: So how long have you known Rex?

Cody: About ten years, four months, twelve days and.. I’d say.. three hours

Anakin: And how long have you been best friends?

Cody: About ten years, four months, twelve days, two hours and thirty minutes

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You know how when some people get the munchies at night, they go for the fridge in the dark? If you want to, I prompt any age!Obi-Wan doing that. It's a funny image in my head and gives you some very cool lighting to play with.

Qui-Gon had not expected to be awoken by the tell-tale rustling sounds of a burglar rummaging through his quarters. He blinked. Wasn't he at the temple? Who would steal from him at the temple? He sat up and slowly walked towards to rustling noises. He wondered if Obi-Wan had heard the rustling as well.

The answer, of course was that no one was stealing from him. Someone was, however, rummaging through his fridge. Qui-Gon sighed.

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petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’

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POLLS!!!!!

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*Insert that one clip of gimme gimme gimme over duel of the fates*

POLLS!!!!!

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If Luke doesn't look like this in mandalorian s3 I don't want him pt 2

Amazing Luke Skywalker candid shots.

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This is the Luke I want in mandalorian s3 if he appears

he’s luke skywalker, he’s here to rescue you!

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Do you crave vanilla extract???

Padawan kenobi definitely does

He pops them in his mouth like tide pods. He spends his allowance to buy deluxe bottles of space vanilla extract. His robes smell like vanilla extract. The kyber crystal in his lightsaber was soaked in vanilla extract to give it more power. His species also bleeds vanilla extract.

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I'm in the mood to draw/write obi wan and also I want to see how asks work on tumblr

So feel free to send in art/writing prompts and I'll do them eventually probably :))

Stuff I like doing

Crackfics

Padawan kenobi being gremlin

Knight kenobi struggling at life

Master kenobi being a secret gremlin

Etc

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Anakin Skywalker is the poorest little meow meow to ever meow meow

So anakin is going against Jesse pinkman frm breaking bad for todays poor little meow meow round

And, not to say Jesse isn't a poor little meow meow (he is a very poor little meow meow] but I have a rock solid, extremely unbiased (no bias at all) argument for why anakin is the poorer little meow meow using the criteria for voting, which includes scrunchiness, miserability, and bad choices.

Anakin is-

Scrunchier than jesse: I mean look at him! He's a sopping wet piece of old newspaper left behind a dumpster in the rain that somehow survived being dipped in lava. He is p a t h e t i c, he is being gaslit gatekept girl bossed by an old man he is

More miserable than jesse: now you can say a lot about how miserable jesse is but has he gotten his limbs chopped off and his torso roasted in lava after strangling his wife who he just wanted to protect? Has he spent 20 years suffering inside a life support suit where it hurt him to breathe? Has he tried protecting those he cared about (in a very messed up way) only to ultimately lose them all bc of his own stupidity?? I think not

He made the worst choices: I'm not even gna compare him to jesse bc anakin just made the worst choices. If you made him choose between red and blue he would choose genocide. He has committed two genocides btw (3 if you count the literal planet he was passively involved in destroying). How many genocides has Jesse committed? Yeah, I didn't think so. Also how many children has jesse murdered? Anakin has annihilated a kindergartens worth of children who knew and trusted him. He betrayed the people who took him in from the time he was nine and raised him and trusted him. And he didn't even do it in a fit of passion. He continued terrorising the galaxy for the next two decades! He is the worst!! His life is a series of bad choices!!

From my precise arguments it is clear that although Jesse is undoubtedly very scrunchy and miserable and he made terrible choices, he is up against the poorest little meow meow to even exist!

Anakin is pathetically scrunchy, incredibly miserable and objectively a terrible person. He deserves the title of poor little meow meow.

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Tumblr's Poorest Little Meow Meow Contest

Remember, don't just vote for your fave! Consider who is the SCRUNCHIEST, MOST MISERABLE, and has made the WORST CHOICES.

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He smiled like nothing happened.

He tried to grow his beard and hair like Qui-gon. He thought it was a good idea.

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But omg actually this reminds me of my headcanon that your Rouge Handed au is in the same universe as Pop Star Wars universe.

I'll probably write a super long post on this headcanon explaining how its linked eventually

But boiled down to it's bare essentials is: Every pre Star Wars Ewan Mcgregor movie was something he got pressured into by Qui gon and an overenthusiatic agent who has a lot of very valuable networks that they can't afford to lose.

And every post star wars ewan mcgregor movie is Obi Wan managing his networking by keeping his agent happy/in Qui Gon's memory to be an annoyance even after death. And people just know him as "that one actor that general kenobi bears a strange resemblance to" so even after the empire rises obi wan is still in contact with this persistent agent and he can't complain bc it's helping him earn a few credits while being a full time hermit.

And we have like a solid 7 or 8 years of ewan mcgregor movies ahead of us before we have to think about How and Why force ghost obi Wan still keeps appearing in GFFA movies.

Star Wars Aus

I have so many star wars time travel aus in my head. writing fanfiction is really, really hard (mad props, no idea how you do it). it is 1:26am. and i have come here to shout into the void.

crack/rock star fluff fix it: obi wan several years post ROTS travels back to the very beginning of TPM. Had enough time to mostly process/repress Order 66 and imagine 10000 if-i-had only-done-things-differently, so after a fairly brief freak out he can pass off as an intense force vision, he’s a pretty effective time traveler. Frees Anikan AND Shmi, keeps qui-gon from dying, properly kills maul on Naboo. Anikan is brought to the creche so he has time to befriend other initiates and learn Jedi culture before becoming a padawan. Obi wan is a young knight, he privately tutors Anikan and works with him on his issues and also his issues. The very first second Palpatine starts sniffing around he point blank tells Anikan do not let yourself be alone with him, I can’t explain completely but trust me and Anikan does. 

Obi wan also has the independence to go off on missions and start covertly undoing only-visible-in-hindsight complicated sith conspiracies that have been eroding the republic and trying to gather actual evidence to take Chancellor Palpatine down cleanly without people turning on the Jedi. Doesn’t confide in anyone because a) he’s still a crazy hermit man and b)his biggest advantage is that Sideous has no idea he’s on to him. He has to disable all the back up destroy-the-Jedi plots before he plays his hand.

But this is all just background plot for the real meat of this au! Which is Obi Wan Kenobi is secretly a famous mystery pop star! Bear with me!

Obi Wan needs covert money to work against sideous.

 He has knowledge of the future! Easy money. 

He could invest in stocks or gamble on famous races, but… 

 Just in case his covert ploting and secret money ever gets uncovered (yeah, he’s Xanatos gambiting) he needs his source of space cash to be clean, and not seem like everyone’s worst fears about Jedi seers.

What was that ridiculously viral pop song towards the end of the clone wars that got stuck in every human and near-humans head? That never stopped playing on space radio? That obi wan of course knows all the words to because its the most viral, slightly irritating but so catchy song ever made?

And wasn’t the guy who wrote it just, the worst? Like, Obi Wan wasn’t exactly following celebrity gossip, but towards the end of the songs replays someone would feel the need to ‘you know what that guy does to’- ‘yes. its a pirated version’. R Kelly problematic. Absolutely fine stealing his art before he makes it, noble even.

And hey, Obi Wan’s got a decent singing voice. 

So! Obi Wan goes down a few levels. He finds a sketchy recording studio, picks up some backup musicians from dive bars, and records a demo.

The song goes out from a big recording studio who got it from a small recording studio who got it from an agent who got it from a lawyer who got it from a mysterious B.K who never reveals his face, who was absolutely convinced it would go viral, just protect the copyright, don’t ask or answer any questions, and channel the money into these discrete untraceable accounts and you can be ridiculously wealthy. 

It takes a year or two, Obi Wan is a little concerned that the cultural influences just didn’t come together. or he didn’t replicate the recording perfectly enough. oh well.

And then it becomes an even bigger hit then the original timeline

He has enough money to fund his one man campaign against the trade federation. Success.

B.K’s mystery identity fuels a ravening, obsessive fanbase. The random band he picked up become overnight stars, and they literally have never seen B.K’s face, he appeared out of the ether, paid them in beer for a couple days while they jammed together and arranged with the lawyer for them to get a cut of the proceeds ‘once the song took off’

A few people who know obi wan do make jokes that the singer kind-of sounds like him. Bant and Garen tease him a little and try to get him to come to space karaoke to sing it but they never actually think its him. 

Qui-Gon, who listened to him sing in the shower for a decade asks him about it the first time he hears the song and Obi-Wan just acts offended that he things he would write trash like that. He’s still a little suspicious but he know Ob-Wan doesn’t even like pop music so he just chalks it up to the force working in mysterious ways. 

Quinlan is convinced its him. Obi-Wan won’t flat out deny anything, just scoffs and responds sarcastically. It drives him absolutely insane. Because it is just such a stupid song and Obi-Wan writes sad poetry how did this happen. WHO even are you. Makes conspiracy boards with yarn. Obsesses over it. Tracks him and finds him doing convert anti-trade federation/banking clans stuff. HOW DO YOU HAVE TIME TO DO THIS AND BE A SECRET POP STAR.

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I don't think this is during his apprenticeship. We can't see Obi wans padawan braid. We can't see it.

Is it still short and stubby, hidden by his head bc it's very early into his apprenticeship?

Or is Qui-Gon roasting this child/imparting savage advice immediately after rejecting him from being his padawan?

One of these probabilities is more probable than the other~

a day in the life of Qui-Gon Jinn’s apprentice

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Context

And the original video