on-the-edge-of-dune

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

are you really a cosplayer if you're not crying on the floor surrounded by fabric, glue, and paint, crashing from ungodly amounts of energy drinks and coffee, while your sewing machine rests in the corner after giving up on this hellish endeavour, only a few days before con?

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

when RP was a massive part of my life, my friend and I came up with a new technique for Gaara that would logically work based on how he uses sand in general, and the guy I used it on that played Sasuke got pissed off because "Gaara never used this shit!" and it turned into a huge fight, but like months later when the War Arc came up, Gaara did use the technique we literally made up

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

i love reddit sometimes

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

Talk with the Kages AU Headcanon

Gaara the Walking Fortress

During the Kage council with the former Kages present as the elder advisers asked where Onoki is and Mei mentioned he probably out there destroying buildings.

Imagine if this is a common thing. Like Onoki just randomly visits the other villages (because he has nothing better to do) and accidentally or intentionally destroys buildings and made all the Kage's alert because of it. But because of his age they are lenient even though he was a very terrifying Kage with a terrifying jutsus at his disposal.

Like,

"Dammit! Onoki caused havoc at a downtown construction site and accidentally blew up the foundation!" Naruto groaned.

"At least the building wasn’t finished yet—that would have been far more costly," Darui sighed, recalling the time Onoki had obliterated a newly constructed building. The aftermath had buried him in a mountain of paperwork, not to mention enduring a scolding from the Daimyo.

"We’re just lucky that the building he ‘accidentally’ destroyed was already condemned, with no one living in it," Chojuro remarked with a weary sigh.

"Kurotsuchi groaned. 'Are you kidding me? I live with the guy! Even before he retired, he was blowing up buildings left and right. Do you know how many times we had to rebuild the Tsuchikage's office? It was absolutely insane!'

The four Kages turned to Gaara, anticipating similar tales of destruction, but the redhead merely blinked at them in confusion.

"What?" Gaara asked, his expression blank.

"What do you mean, 'what'?" Kurotsuchi pressed. "Don’t you have any stories about my grandfather and his destructive tendencies?"

"What destructive tendencies?"

"What do you mean by that? My grandfather visited your village more times than I can count and... wait." Kurotsuchi paused, realization dawning.

Every time Onoki caused destruction, Iwa inevitably had to deal with the consequences—paying reparations to other villages for damages. Yet, she couldn't recall ever compensating Suna.

She turned toward the Kazekage, who was casually sipping his tea, completely unbothered.

"Did Suna ever suffer any damages?" she asked, suspicion creeping into her voice.

That got everyone's attention.

"Not that I'm aware of," Gaara replied, unfazed.

"What? How is that possible?" Darui burst out in disbelief.

Kurotsuchi pointed an accusatory finger at Gaara. "I knew it! You're the favorite!"

Naruto scoffed. "Favorite? Am I not the favorite?"

Kurotsuchi shot him a look. "What makes you think you're the favorite?!"

The Kage's don't know that Onoki did have accidents in Suna. It's just that, Gaara was always able to stop it before any damages can happen. He wasn't called the walking fortress for nothing. And Gaara, being Gaara, didn't think it was a big deal.

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

*cough* Kageri no Fuuin *cough*

Why doesn't/cannot Gaara sing? You've pricked my curiosity.

Despite being the Kazekage, Gaara doesn't relish being the center of attention. He considers it his duty, and he really wants to protect his village, but he doesn't want to be the center of attention.

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

me and who??? 😭

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

I want either mental stability or slutty villain waist, one of those will do

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

Temari wasn't that into him, but then the tie snapped one day and it was a sealed deal

HAIR DOWN SHIKAMARU BECAUSE WE NEED THIS!!! And the smirk!!! HAIR! DOWN!!! And! The! Smirk! 🫶

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

that's a true sibling's support right there

temari causally saying "bye-bye :)" as gaara brutally assasins someone is top tier for me

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

holiday finals season

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

so people have been continously pointing out to me how Tomura and Dabi ship doesn't make any sense (yet those same people ship the abused kid with his abusive dad's simp), so let me make it make sense to y'all

the parallels are insane with these two:

- had an abusive father

- changed their name and kept it a secret

- related to famous heroes

- manipulated by power hungry older men

- trained till they bled during childhood

- "get stronger and be my heir" was literally what they were made to believe that was their only purpose

- betrayed and cast away by people they trusted the most, and society

- their quirks are not compatible with their bodies, and it's destroying them (you don't see that with any other characters)

- wanted to be heroes, ended up villains due to their quirks

Aside from the similarities, their dynamics are absolutely delicious. This might be my fanfic rotten brain, but those two represent the exact trope you see in most BL content.

Dabi is a bold teaser, makes jokes out of everything and is inherently a little shit. Tomura is like a shy child throwing tantrums over said jokes. I dare you to read some of the works out there. I swear, this is the best character match I've seen since Hannigram.

AND then there's this;

- ashes to ashes, dust to dust (I mean come on, it's right there)

- Tenko's name contains a kanji for "bow", while Tōya has "arrow" in it

- both of their "chosen" names are tied to death, Dabi (cremation) and Tomura (mourning)

I rest my case, and I will die on this

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

that's a clot, not a child

like I honestly get it that Karura probably died because of the whole Shukaku deal

there's no way giving birth to that peanut would do any damage

look at him

that's a teacup baby

seriously LOOK at him

he's the size of a tampon

Rasa's dick is probably bigger than that

he's basically still a fetus at this point

Naruto was a giant with that big ass head compared to Gaara

look at the hands...

Gaara is the size of Naruto's head and it's so funny to me

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

but I do

new official art with CATS and no gaara.... i was SO robbed !!!

pls ignore those weird looking creatures. thank the gods i draw naruto characters and not cats

this is the art i was inspired by!

it's so pretty too and sakura has that fat bunny :( rip gaara you would've loved to have a fat animal

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

"you have to let all that anger go", they say, but nobody tells you how fucking empty you feel afterwards, and how to deal with that

it's all "healing" and "forgiveness", but the moment you stop acting out, nobody gives a fuck anymore, because suddenly you're not inconveniencing them by being loud about your pain

and you're alone.. always alone, because you never learned how to deal with any of it, so you got angry, you lashed out, and now you don't have that outlet, you have nothing, and you avoid thinking about your problems to not fall back into anger, so you don't think at all, you don't heal, you turn all of it off and before you know it 15 years have passed and everything is still the same

it still sucks, you're still drowning, but at least you're not being annoying about it.. at least nobody has to deal with it but you

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

there're a lot of things I should probably unpack with a therapist if I ever manage to get hit with the thought process on a business day during work hours

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

🎶but I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fooork🎶

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

sometimes I think life is actually pretty easy until I remember I can't randomly sand-coffin people anymore