onlyaaden - Tumblr blog

[onlyaaden]

I May Be Smaller Than You, But You're Still Beneath Me.

Alles ist shiesse, Dysphoria and poems

[onlyaaden]

For the first time I look into my eyes, and I see someone who almost wants to live.

Alles Ist Schiesse, Dusphoria and poems

[onlyaaden]

Alles Ist Schiesse - Dysphoria and Poems (#22)

B L O O D  B L I S T E R S 

A lil bit of jealousy,

A lil bit of blood,

Never thought that I could love a little bit too much,

Filling all my cuts with tears,

Just want to give it up,

I hope you stay gone-I hope you felt me cry,

My mind is clouded by the disguise,

Of memories that were lies,

I hope to god for the day I die,

I’m nothing to me now,

You took everything,

Now I cant make a fucking sound,

Slowly I heal, but everything throws me down,

Fallin’ down to hell-

Or is that heaven I see now?

No one can help me,

Cuz I dont want nothing now,

Praying for the day I die,

Dont deserve anyone now.

-Tuesday 10th Dec 2019-

[onlyaaden]

I don't have 'crushes'. I have sudden realizations that push me into the deepest and darkest hole imaginable, filled with thorns and monsters and other dark and scary things where only that one person can shed any light and can either show me a way out again or bury me alive.

Alles ist shiesse, Dysphoria and Poems

[onlyaaden]

Alles Ist Schiesse -Dysphoria and Poems (#21)

Not my best, I wasnt sure if i was gonna post this.

- S H I N I G A M I - 

rap-

Theres blood on my hands,

As I deepen the cut,

The moment I awoke I knew it was gonna hurt,

Im so gone bitch, its insane,

Aint no other way to say-

Wanna die and leave this place,

I guess Im just one more big ass mistake,

Feelin so alone now,dont wanna stay,

Shinigami take me from this place,

You fucking hate me now;

I relate,

(yuh)

The thought makes me cry and Im embarrassed-

Supposed to be a girl but I aint into actin,

Im runnin outta love and runnin outta nights;

That I lay awake, too focused on my mind,

And I know we made mistakes-but now this one aint mine.

Do you feel it cut through my skin?

The truth trickles down,

The cut so paper thin,

And you know Id give my life to live-

So take my life away and give it all to them,

Look in the mirror, the glass to crystal clear;

My mind is so fucked up,

I never wanted to be here (yuh),

sing-

Shinigami take my life away,

I dont wanna live this way,

Shinigami make me fade away,

I dont wanna be this way.

rap-

Yuh, I dont wanna live this way,

Gotta lotta self hate,

Aint no debate,

Been told I’m ungreatful,

But i aint one to be thankless,

(disorientated-) Dont bargain with your life,

Shinigami give no second chances.

You cant expect to get when you give nothing at all,

(lower-) yuh, cant expect to get, giving nothin at all-

If you’re gonna be a bitch, who’ll pick you up when you fall?

Gotta get it real, no one will care at all.

Shinigami laugh in your face, as you lose it all,

Do you really expect to get, when you just take it all?

sing-

Shinigami take my life away,

Yeah I dont wanna live this way,

Shinigami make me end this pain,

Write my name and fade away.

rap-

Yuh, avoiding all the mirrors,

Dont like what I see,

Shinigami really dont have nothin on me,

Dont know how to change,

This aint really me,

Dont like who I am-got me cravin release,

Cuz lookin at myself got me crawling in my skin,

Wanna cut it off,

Aint nothing within,

And i know itll be easy,

My mind black as sin,

Im not the goddamned hero,

Not got nothin left to live.

-Tue 19th Nov 2019-

[onlyaaden]

If I was a character in a movie, book ect, id want to be fucking killed off. It doesnt even have to be dramatic or heartfelt, just freaking kill me

[onlyaaden]

Why do I always like people who dont like me? AmEriCa ExpLaIn.

heart

[onlyaaden]

Alles Ist Schiesse - Dysphoria and Poems (#20)

Anxiety

Dont look at me,

You’ll see my flaws,

Dont look at me,

You’ll see my anxiety,

Dont look at me,

You’ll see my height,

Dont look at me,

You’ll see my heartache,

Dont look at me,

You’ll see my loneliness,

Dont look at me,

You’ll see my scars,

Dont look at me,

You’ll see my monsters,

Dont look at me,

I dont know what you’ll see.

-Wed 13th Nov 2019-

[onlyaaden]

Alles Ist Schiesse - Dysphoria and Poems (#19)

B R E A K I N G  S K I N

You tell me its ‘just a phase’,

As if you are the one who feels tthe ache in my chest,

As if it’s you who tears, and pulls, and scratches the skin around my bones,

Peeling layer,

Of layer,

Of layer,

Of misplaced flesh and tissue.

I tell you, ‘this is not a phase’, 

When I hear heer name,

It is not mine,

For I am only her to you,

To them,

To everybody else.

You see femenine features paired with curves,

And you think ‘’what a waste’’

But its only a waste if I dont take what I have and muild myself from its pieces.

-Tuesday 29th Oct 2019 -

[onlyaaden]

I am not the goddamned hero.

Alles Ist Schiesse, Dysphoria and Poems

[onlyaaden]

Alles Ist Schiesse - Dysphoria and Poems (#18)

B R O K E N  H E A R T S  C L U B / / r a p / / FINAL ACT /

It should have been forever,

But it turned out to be never-ending pain,

The lies, the tears, the blame,

Walking the walls with fucking shame,

I loved you, You knew this, But you killed me anyway,

Did something unforgivable,

Now I’ll never love again;

Your bullets destroyed my heart,

Never thought Id have to leave,

You promised me you loved me,

I was a fool to believe.

Blinded by your lies disguised as promises,

Should have left the first time,

But it was too painful to fade away,

I loved you too much;

fell too deep,

Didn't notice the unhonesty as you dug your claws into my heart so deep,

Couldn’t see past your deciept,

Scaling the walls of the hole I’d dug from the broken parts of my mind,

Now I cant find the light,

The grave too steep to climb,

Buried alive,

Because of love I will never love again.

-27th Oct 2019-

[onlyaaden]

The beginning of my Tattoo portfolio, still adding and taking away but pretty proud of it so far.

[onlyaaden]

This is a bop, I pure mad wee relate to the next level.

[onlyaaden]

I know that Im ugly,  I know that I 'aint', And ain't nobody hate me like I hate, But I wont make the same mistakes, Cuz only I can feel my pain, No I aint gonna let my stone heart break. Again.

Alles Ist Schiesse -Dysphoria and Poems (pg.87)

[onlyaaden]

Alles Ist Schiesse - Dysphoria and Poems (#17)

L I A R

I so badly wanted it to be you,

Goddamn it was you,

But how the fuck could you love me?

All you did was lie,

Maybe I held your hand a little too tight,

Or kissed you a little too long,

No matter what I say,

Or how often I say;

I dont want you back,

Oh god I’ve been lying.

But Im not myself,

And now I probably never will be myself again,

And you’ll never love me,

Like i thought you did,

Youll never think of me again.

-10th Oct 2019, 2:54am-

[onlyaaden]

Alles Ist Schiesse - Dysphoria and Poems (#16)

FOREST

It's so quiet,

But everyone’s screaming.

I scratch myself,

But think I'm dreaming.

I don't feel anything,

But I'm bleeding.

I'm running,

But I'm not leaving.

-10th Oct 2019 -

[onlyaaden]

Hakuna Matata or whatever.