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I can still see your eyes;

it can set sparks to fireworks

I can still hear your voice;

and your sweet, sweet lullabyes

I can still smell you;

something odd, yet familiar

I can still taste you;

a combination of cigarettes and vanilla

I can still feel you, all of you

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The new kid

My reading last sunday prompted me to reflect about the feelings of being "the new kid". I guess the most memorable one for me was the nerve wrecking experience I had I qualified to attend MTAP during 1st grade. MTAP is a special math program where for 10 Saturdays, they teach us more advanced Math stuff. I don't live near my school so I was forced to pick a different school for my Saturday class.

I remember my dad introducing me to the principal. I felt so nervous meeting new people, especially in a different setting I wasn't used to. Not to discriminate public schools from private schools, but it was really different for me-it was culture shock the first day. Even though it was only once a week, I used to dread attending the first few Saturdays.

Eventually, I came through. I participated more, I made new friends, and I became more comfortable in this "new" environment. I guess it was a great experience for me. It taught me that I shouldn't be afraid of experiencing new and different things. It opened my eyes to a new environment. I guess it somewhat prepared me for future situations that made me the "new kid", like what happened in my new job recently. Looking back now, I've realized that I'm a more confident person. New job, new people, but a less shy and awkward me.

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The Comfort in Solitude

Back in gradeschool, when a girl wants to go to the restroom, she’d usually ask a friend to accompany her. Same goes for buying snacks from the canteen or visiting a teacher at the teacher’s lounge. That girl was me.

Then during high school, I did a very independent thing for 13-year old me—commuting home from school. But there still werecertain things that made me anxious when I had to do it by myself. Things like crossing the street or eating at fast food restaurants alone. I became dependent on my friends who I commuted and ate with.

I was already dubbed as a leader back then, but I still didn’t have all the traits of a leader like being independent and able to decide for herself. But I knew I was slowly transitioning out of my safe space and conquering my shyness.

I guess college and the “adult” life help me to fully be comfortable being indepent. Being a leader during college taught me to make snappy decisions. It taught me to discern and decide what’s best for my organization and my peers.

Fast forward to now, the (previously) employed and unemployed life had me doing almost everything on my own. I had to do tasks on my own, do errands alone and other stuff. There were things that made me so anxious doing on my own at first like going to the bank, salon appointments and exercising in a public area. Eventually, I realized that doing these little things boosted my confidence bit by bit. I realized that there’s comfort in solitude. Solitude gave me the opportunity to improve myself and reflect on myself.

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berlin + planning

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Good stuff.

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ideas

Lately, ideas come to me in the most random places while doing the most random things. I was staring out in the oblivion during my commute when I suddenly thought of a line for a poem. On the last minute of my nightly jog today I suddenly thought of a great idea for a youtube video.

Lately I'd notice that ideas come to me more frequently. I realized maybe this year would be a year of creating more.

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trying to improve my english skills

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whenever you don’t feel motivated to work, just imagine your future self. if you do the work when you’re supposed to, your future self will be calm, collected and be able to keep working at a steady rate (and eventually finish the task at hand, stress-free). if you don’t do the work when you’re supposed to, your future self will be rushing around, trying to complete things they should have done before, and overly anxious and stressed. be kind to your future self and do the work now.

remember: discipline is just empathy with your future self.

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How to get ready in the morning

Step 1: Stay in bed as long as you possibly can. 

Step 2: Speed run. 

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03:11 PM 03-18-19 - Tim Hortons Cubao

A bit of journaling after a trip to the thrift store.

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I'm missing the beach life.

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I made a spread about my thoughts on the semester. I’m almost graduating I hope I won’t fail any of my courses.

instagram: applefroyo

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carnival by juansen dizon

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A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships | waveforms

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Sweet - Cigarettes After Sex

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iconic

The saga continues - Chapter number 4! What’s next?? 😂