parasuicidaldoll - Tumblr blog

[parasuicidaldoll]

drunk. self-harming. fucked up my favorite shirt with a blood stain.

i never planned on quitting s/h but i havent hurt myself like this for a while. if people ask i always tell them i stopped. well, 4 years pass and im still like this. i fear ill never change.

[parasuicidaldoll]

inactivity

ik i dont have a lot of moots or post a lot but ive just been going through it yall. like i can hardly get out of bed every day. im just so tired of everything. it isnt helping my appetite like youd think but ill work on that.

[parasuicidaldoll]

real talk tho im so obviously mutilated. im embarassed to even go to work, and i cant stop the scars from showing even tho i want to so fucking bad

:b

self harming makes me feel like such a freak. i always wonder when ill "grow out of it" like ive overheard adults say--or if ill keep going til im what? 19? 28? 47? when will it end? or will it be something i always do. just in different ways??

[parasuicidaldoll]

:b

self harming makes me feel like such a freak. i always wonder when ill "grow out of it" like ive overheard adults say--or if ill keep going til im what? 19? 28? 47? when will it end? or will it be something i always do. just in different ways??

[parasuicidaldoll]

Me:

[parasuicidaldoll]

[parasuicidaldoll]

my mom bought foods i binge on wtf. i wish i could just throw it all away. i want to cry and gag everytime i see them.

[parasuicidaldoll]

121.8 lbs this weigh in 😎. thought i wouldve maintained based on my cal intake but guess not 🤷‍♀️ i love working and not eating my whole shift haha

i wish i looked thinner than what i do. i feel like i look the same as last month. what if they think i just pig out at home 😭

[parasuicidaldoll]

walked 3 miles after standing on my feet all day, im dying 😭 but you better believe imma do it tmrw too 😈

[parasuicidaldoll]

istg when my mom notices im losing weight she tries to fatten me up. ik a lot of people would ridicule me for still eating her meals because of high cal they are--that or im just being self conscious.

[parasuicidaldoll]

me on a random tuesday after bawling my eyes out

[parasuicidaldoll]

holy shit. my mom made me a birthday dinner and i ate salad, cabbage casserole and 2 slices of lasagna. i purged some but i had to stop so i wouldnt get caught and im not sure i purged it all

update: i think i purged most of everything 😭👍

[parasuicidaldoll]

omg. my period must make me retain like crazy cuz when i weighed myself like in the beginning of it i was 130lbs, the day before it was over i was 128 and now im 124.3lbs omgomg 🤭🤭 hit my 125 gw 😄

[parasuicidaldoll]

food log

breakfast

150 - latte

lunch

100 - ice cream sandwich

snack

200 - cookie

[parasuicidaldoll]

my mom called me a pig cuz there was no pizza left (i had to throw it away because it had something shes allergic to on it but i didnt tell her) and i started crying and asked her not to make jokes like that because theyre insensitive and she just said "oh my god" and rolled her eyes at me 😐

oh and she was acting like its okay since shes bigger than me. i NEVER make jokes about weight and no one should be making jokes like that cuz theyre not funny

[parasuicidaldoll]

food log

lunch

230 - chips

100 - ice cream sandwich

snack

80 - latte

dinner

200 - salad

350 - pizza

80 - chicken

160 - pop

net - 1200 cals

im so stuffed i feel sick. my cousin came over and ordered sm food and i didnt wanna be rude 😭 i wanna purge so bad but im scared of purging too often cuz ive talked to some people who literally cant keep food down because they purged too much

[parasuicidaldoll]

food log

breakfast

180 - cereal

15 - chocolate

lunch

105 - matcha latte 😋😋

dinner

200 - bacon & syrup

movie snacks

180 - popcorn

100 - latte 🤭

net - 780 cals