pillbugz-n-bladez

[pillbugz-n-bladez]

i hate my life. no one helps me. my last therapist couldnt see me after 12 sessions bc "i was supposed 2 get better by then" FUCK YOU

oh, yes, the suicidal and homicidal teenager in an abusive household will get better after 12 sessions. magically after 12 sessions all my problems will be solved. my sexual trauma? gone. my general abuse trauma? gone. my severely abusive and still abusive family? suddenly theyve become literal angels that dont do any harm

do these people even hear themselves? 12 sessions of therapy to solve all my problems. i ran away and threatened to kill myself and they decided 2 give me yet another CPS case worker. what did they do? nothing. they peer pressured me to go home. and had the fucking NERVE to tell me to be kind and considerate to my mother who was probably having a "tough time"

i didnt know constant physical abuse, bringing sexual pests in my life and neglect....... since i was born..... was just "having a tough time"

that implies i am the problem. that my entire existence is the problem. that i was a problem since that egg got fertilized and i became a fetus.

my nana was right when suggesting my mother fucking abort me. it would have solved so much pain and abuse for me. but no... my mum is "too catholic"... she is the most blasphemous and non practicing person of ANY religion. "killing a baby is the most unforgivable sin" "why?" "because your harming an innocent child for no reason"

bitch. what the fuck do you call what you did 2 me??? i was being abused since i could remember- physically at least. i was being neglected severely from the day she brought me back from the hospital. according 2 the people who actually looked after me...

now im not even in therapy. i cant get therapy bc my """""mother"""""" wont pay for it (as my legal guardian... my 18th birthday cannot come soon enough....a few more months... ugh)

i want 2 get better.. or i used to. now i dont even want to try bc the mental health professionals are assholes who just want to get paid and they just want to give me the most basic "coping skills" and call it a day.

"have you tried x, y, z?" "yes. didnt work" "what about ......" "that too. didnt work" "well, this works for some people" "last time that made me want to slit someones throat actually"

maybe im not an easy patient. im also not the standard anxiety/depression case. (not saying those arent harmful/deadly. they are. but most mental health professionals ive had say they cant treat much more than anxiety, depression, adhd, and "mild" ptsd)

i hate mental health. i hate therapists. i hate psychologists and psychiatrists. fuck those people

[pillbugz-n-bladez]

this is a vent acc and i will only tag the triggering topics such as EDs, SH, sui, abuse, etc... i recommend blocking tags

my pronouns r he/him.