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[piratical-princess]

Ayoo if y’all would like to see this art uncensored, check out the PDF art book up on my Etsy here!

Hey monsterf*ckers, it’s just $2 to get into the Secret Smut Society and see all the steamy stuff. Higher tiers get more stuff, and I have an adult comic just revving up too.

Tier badge stickers are coming soon for every member.

Patreon

[piratical-princess]

My father is retired and has becomes obsessed with magic mushrooms in only the way one’s nerdy dad can get obsessed. I’m talking buys t-shirts with phrases like “psilocybin research volunteer” and gives speeches about its benefits to literally anyone with a problem from depression to acne. He is currently in rehabilitation after knee surgery and I’m fairly sure he’s not allowed any drugs but what the staff gives him but if our conversation this afternoon (note: NOT morning) is any indication, that man had a funny omelette.

Also note: any emoji reactions were his own. He was reacting to himself.

[piratical-princess]

More bad (or in some cases pretty good) Xmas movie reviews here! I’ve tried some odd ones.

EDITED TO INCLUDE:

Christmas on Mistletoe Farm: This was EFFING CUTE. Super British. Quirky kids in hand knitted stuff and big Wellies. Baby barn animals everywhere. Comedic English overacting. As charming as a mouse in a teapot. I would watch it every year twice. The colors alone are scrumptious. 9/10

* Christmas Inheritance - As stereotypical as Christmas romance movies get. Small town, lonely innkeeper, main character returns to town to find the magic of Christmas by helping with some pageant or festival or whatnot. Bland but mainly pleasant but stop making characters do that slow head shake while sincerely singing thing, it’s weird . 4/10

A Christmas Movie Christmas - A fun swing at typical Christmas movies. Christmas magic transports two sisters into a Christmas movie of their own where they wake up every day with their hair and makeup already done and cookies already baked. Parts of it are funny, but it led me to the disturbing revelation that all B actors wear false teeth. 6/10

Christmas Chronicles 2: I was excited for this. Hot Santa, Belsneckel, Yule Cat. Nope. Bad. Please don’t bother, you’ll soil the first movie. 1/10

Dash & Lily : in spite of being about New York, this short series is really good and sweet. It’s a scavenger hunt of literature and romance and the art of loving your own weirdness against the backdrop of Christmas. It’s charming and colorful. Definitely not perfect, it is a high school aged series based on YA romance and that can sometimes lead to “youthful” acting, but it is good and I appreciated it and the music was superb. 9/10

Noelle - dang, I really liked this. It seems a discredit to say it’s like a gender bent Elf, but that is the broadest definition. Very warm and loving. 10/10

Scrooge: A Christmas Carol - this is the animated Netflix version. I have mixed feelings. I thought they took the art in some really interesting places. I thought the music was pretty terrible. I thought they did the lower budget animation thing where some characters look amazing and some look poorly thought out. I thought Scrooge was weirdly hot. 6/10

Mickey and Friends: Duck The Halls - Newer style of Mickey Mouse animation that is part Ren and Stimpy and part midcentury modern, which is awesome. Donald Duck stays in the snowy north for the winter and literally falls apart from the cold, lots of body horror. Hilarious. 10/10

Jingle All The Way - I know, it is weird that as a 90s kid, I had never seen this. I was promised a bad movie and I’m slightly disappointed that I loved the hell out of it. From Arnold expecting us to believe that he works in mattress sales and saying “you’re my numbah one custahmahh” with a cheesy grin to a brawl of underground gang Santas to Phil Hartman having the balls to hit on Arnold’s wife and moaning obscenely over the phone about how good her cookies are while Arnold yells “PUT DAT COOKIE DOWN”, it’s all amazing. But really the best part is the unexpectedly complex buildup of a real hero/villain relationship - the connection, the offer of friendship that gets rejected, the ensuing battle that becomes an insane bid for revenge, culminating in a real costumed fight that ends - in the true spirit of Christmas - with the police hauling away a grown man in a latex bodysuit clutching a toy he has ruthlessly stolen from a child that would grow up to become Darth Vader. 15/10

[piratical-princess]

Even though I have been stepping out of the box for Christmas movies this year, there is one I can never skip and I must always share it with you, though I fear no one else appreciates it the way I do. This is a film I watched so often, off season, that my babysitter actually banned it from the house, a film so fascinating and studded with talent and complex themes that critics have not even attempted to analyze it. I’m talking about the stupefying, the emotional, the powerful, Babes In Toyland.

Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore star in this 90s musical. It’s Christmas in Mother Goose land where the entire economy is cookie based. The villain lives in a giant bowling ball with two Nosferatus and an army of garbage monsters. Pat Morita (Mr. Miyagi) is Santa Claus. There is a song about Cincinnati that magically stops our heroes from turning into trolls. Yes, it is available on youtube and yes, you should watch it immediately. You’re welcome, happy holidays.

[piratical-princess]

I have been stepping away from my usual Xmas movie list and trying new things, especially if they look corny. Luckily, working from home gives me the freedom to watch some straight up hot garbage. Here is what I have found so far.

* Santa Clause 2 - very bizarre and annoyingly heteronormative. Santa must marry a woman immediately or get fired. A toy Santa becomes a Nazi. Lots of fairy jokes about the self-shaming male Tooth Fairy. The previously thin and elegant Mrs. Claus has a post credits scene dancing in a fat suit for some reason. 2/10

Santa Clause 3 - Slightly better. Martin Short plays an evil Jack Frost. Weirdly hot? 5/10

Christmas Chronicles - Among the many things I have thought about Santa Claus over the years, the desire to be on his naughty list and taken for a filthy sleigh ride has never come up. Then I saw this film. Well played, Kurt Russell. 8/10

A Castle For Christmas - More than satisfied my itch for corny Christmas romcom - Carey Elwes is a grumpy Scottish Duke absolutely NOT looking for love. It is hot and stupid and cute, just how I like em… but there’s a lot more charm and intelligence than I thought I would find. 7/10

A Christmas Prince - No. Expected it to be terrible but at least fun. I could barely get through half. No one tried to write a script. I’m angry this film even happened. 0/10

A Knight Before Christmas - Okay this is the kind of cheesy goodness I was hoping for. Time travel, courtly love, absolutely no good reason for chemistry and yet it’s there, barely passable acting, fake snow, cozy sets, corny dialogue, a totally inexplicable magically appearing puppy on Christmas morning that has nothing to do with the plot, a very sweet magical lady who keeps getting called “old crone” yet doesn’t seem to mind it. Amazing. Loved it. 12/10

Batman Returns - Dark, bonkers, gross, overacted, Tim Burton ate tinsel and yakked all over the set, way too much fun to be a real Batman film. As a Christmas movie, 6/10. As a Batman movie, 10/10.

[piratical-princess]

Recent commission for author Latrexa Nova for their naughty supernatural books!

Check them out at latrexanova.com!

[piratical-princess]

Page six!

The first few pages of my new mature comic, Creature From The Lagoon of Love!

Mila is a young biologist trying to get by in the boy's club of 1954. She discovers something amazing - well, someone.

Members of my Patreon get these pages much sooner, and those in my Secret Smut Society get all the juicy scenes I have to censor for everyone else, starting at just two bucks and you can quit tomorrow if you want. Check out my Patreon!

Read this all in a straight line at Global Comix here!

[piratical-princess]

Got married, nbd.

[piratical-princess]

Page Four and Five!

The first few pages of my new mature comic, Creature From The Lagoon of Love!

Mila is a young biologist trying to get by in the boy's club of 1954. She discovers something amazing - well, someone.

Members of my Patreon get these pages much sooner, and those in my Secret Smut Society get all the juicy scenes I have to censor for everyone else, starting at just two bucks and you can quit tomorrow if you want. Check out my Patreon!

Read this all in a straight line at Global Comix here!

[piratical-princess]

“Tangy Cider Punch”, new painting up on etsy. Each painting comes with a vintage recipe!

Etsy

[piratical-princess]

Page 4 of my mature comic, Creature from the Lagoon of Love!

First pages here!

See pages early plus uncensored naughty bits on my Patreon here!

[piratical-princess]

The first few pages of my new mature comic, Creature From The Lagoon of Love!

Mila is a young biologist trying to get by in the boy's club of 1954. She discovers something amazing - well, someone.

Members of my Patreon get these pages much sooner, and those in my Secret Smut Society get all the juicy scenes I have to censor for everyone else, starting at just two bucks and you can quit tomorrow if you want. Check out my Patreon!

Read this all in a straight line at Global Comix here!

[piratical-princess]

A new monster romance piece for the spicy novel “Possessed By The Leonid King” by S.C. Principale available here!

Obviously the full piece is explicit, but you may need to check out the book for that. ;)

[piratical-princess]

Hey monsterf*ckers, it’s just $2 to get into the Secret Smut Society and see all the steamy stuff. Higher tiers get more stuff, and I have an adult comic just revving up too.

Tier badge stickers are coming soon for every member.

Patreon

[piratical-princess]

I am reminded of this as I grow tangled yet again.

I once had to untangle a ridiculous nest of knots from the strings of a Justin Timberlake marionette doll. It was not mine, and it eventually went on to become the property of Jorge Garcia, who played Hurley on Lost, but that’s another story.

The problem was, all these knots… a baseball sized lump of them, twisted together with several strings that all connected via that marionette cross and, of course, Justin’s little arms. Days of work, maybe more than a week, finally set those strings to rights. But I’ve been thinking about those knots again lately.

Each troubling event, a knot. The strings holding a person grow a little more awkward. Each anxiety, a knot. Each passive aggressive insult, knot. Each fuckup, knot, body image issue, knot, car accident, knot, and news article and huge bill and broken appliance and upset friend and huge insect and nightmare - knots, tangling you up.

When someone loves you, they have a special gift, the power to patiently undo those knots, one at a time. No one can reach them all, at least not unless you’re very disciplined of mind – but that little extra bit of damage control, easing through those big scary tangles and patiently working through your strings until you can move again, is a power that we need to give others, or even just one other.

I can feel it, over my head, growing like a cancer – the World’s Biggest Ball Of String, knotknotknot. I think animals are nesting in there, not the cute kind. There goes another one. Knot.

[piratical-princess]

Hey monsterf*ckers, it’s just $2 to get into the Secret Smut Society and see all the steamy stuff. Higher tiers get more stuff, and I have an adult comic just revving up too.

Tier badge stickers are coming soon for every member.

Patreon

[piratical-princess]

Mini Cryptids in the Woods

Etsy