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What I Learned About Grief In 30 Days

Hi, format change again. The internet told me I had to make longer headlines in order to find success. Today we’re analyzing what grief looks like when it’s no longer being anticipated—it’s here and it’s weird. Nothing is what I expected it to be. Well, to be fair—I am feeling nothing. I thought death would be more theatrical. I’m honestly disappointed. I wanted to sob and scream, but the time…

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Minus One will be released on 12 May at https://landofzos.com

International shipping.

https://instagram.com/cochlea1313

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Working at the Pet Store: Miniseries of Anguish Part One

I started working at PetStore TM because I desperately needed a job, and I thought it would be fun.  It was indeed a job, but not fun. Unless you think Stockholm Syndrome is fun. If so, I had a blast.  I don’t know where to begin. The entire thing? The most significant events I had while working there? Things that still affect my life to this day?  I’ll give you a little bit of…

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Becoming the Villain; Learning Your Importance

“Then allow me another question. You accept darkness, yet choose to live in the light. So why is it that you loathe us who teeter on the edge of nothing?” — Xemnas, ‘Kingdom Hearts II’ There it is again, that funny feeling.  Today I do not care. Not about the problems people’ve caused themselves. Nor about petty bullshit at my job. I’ve cared so desperately for so long over a million little…

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Is It a Choice to Be Good or Evil?

I had to read Lord of the Flies when I was in school and a question we were asked to answer was the hardest one I had ever encountered; and it arguably still is 12 years later. “Are humans inherently good or evil?” My classmates made good arguments for each side but as 8th graders, we lacked life experience. Childhood can obviously be very unkind, but there’s a true lack of comprehension and…

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Living In the Now, Not the Right Now

I never know what letters to capitalize in titles.  I’ve been undergoing a giant mindshift lately. It’s like I’m cycling between death and beginning again. I’m failing. I’m learning.  The ache in my chest is underway growth.  I look at my blog. My Magnum Opus. I see 1000 ideas and thoughts and realize that all I want to do is talk and write. I wonder how I can make this profitable, because I…

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The Trials and Tribulations of Entrepreneurship and Why Self Starting Isn’t Always Lucrative

You bet I struggled to spell that word.  That’s why every business I’ve attempted to start has failed. Tarot reading. Writing. Modeling. Art. I’m sure there’s plenty I’m forgetting as well.  I have the drive to want to succeed. I’m a hard worker. If I actually try, I have no issue meeting deadlines. But nothing I do is commercial. I do what other people do, just not as well, or I refuse to…

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A Love Letter to Cats

I started this post when my sweet baby Mars went missing for 3 days, long before I had acquired The Boy. Mars is actually a 3000 year old wizard. So, what do I have to say about cats? Cats are delicious little creatures that are unlike any other living thing. Living with only my dog these past few days has really opened my eyes to how ANNOYING cats are—and how much I love it.  Cats knock shit…

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You Are Not The Main Character, I Am

However—I know plenty of other people with the same caliber of importance. It’s like a league of people with value and it’s wonderful being able to connect to other worthy people like that.  And then there’s all the NPC’s. The Ne’er-do-well’s who cease to add anything other than a topic of conversation. It’s very mean spirited but also engaging. There’s nothing like having a mutual hatred for…

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Combating the Bone Crushing Disappointment of Modern Entertainment

In a world where we are recommended to stay inside now more than ever, naturally there’s not a lot to look forward to. (At least, that’s how it is for me). Vacation plans can change last minute due to Covid flares, and now the impending WORLD WAR. We live in a perpetual state of want for distractions, because life kinda sucks right now.  Here are some of my greatest media disappointments from…

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An Ode to Dying

I’m tired in the same way that stars are already long dead by the time we see them.  Beauty blinking into eternity. Lightning veins, and galaxy irises. Why would we ever question our purpose on Earth?  The worst thing they could’ve done was giving us free will. I could tell a thousand stories of the world ending and it wouldn’t even cover all of last week’s news.  What happens when we leave?…

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Running Out of RAM—But Make It Human

I am 26 years old. The average American woman lives to be 78.6 years old. In theory I’ve already lived a third of my expected lifespan.  The other night I was thinking about time. I can’t remember the first half of my life clearly. Regardless of trauma eating holes in my brain, even the happiest memories from my late teens are becoming foggy. I thought I would always remember prom night, how…

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Is This DBT Or Did I Lose My Train Of Thought Mid Article?

Remember Quasimodo, you are ugly. I am ugly! You are deformed. I am deformed. Frollo, Quasimodo  I remember the day where I stopped mid-thought, something finally shifting in my brain. I had been on my journey of mental wellness for a couple years by that point, attempting to rewire my brain to differentiate between helpful and unhelpful thoughts. This was also around the age where my brain…

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What You Should Know About Why I Quit College

Cue the disappointment of my friends and family members. Here’s why I quit college. Going to college and getting a degree was my thing for so long. After diverging from the straight path there, it turns out my sharp turn was actually a complete circle. I finally got free tuition and successfully enrolled in the Fall semester of 2021. Through headaches, nerves, and unrelenting stress and…

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Preparing for College (As a First Generation Adult)

My parents form of love was an education. They wanted me to be better than them. If they couldn’t love me in a nurturing way, they could at least love me in a survival way. They knew that the world was evolving and hard labor in factories was becoming antiquated. They knew I would need a college degree to make enough money to survive out of control inflation. I understand why they were mad when…

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Coming to Terms with Being Ugly in the Era of Facetune and Photoshop

Everyone has insecurities. Whenever I get dressed up or wear makeup everyone is always like “omg, you’re so pretty!”  Am I? I can be.  But I’m not.  I don’t even know what I look like anymore. My default isn’t being pretty. My default is ugly down to my emotions—whether it’s a silly face from laughing too hard, or a crumpled up face reddened by tears.  A woman’s weight in value should always…

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The Most Common Body Image Debate Isn’t as Black and White as You Might Think

Struggling with my body image has been a lifelong debacle.  Nothing about me is dainty. I have never been small. I’m wide, I’m loud, I’m sturdy. My shoulders are broad. My thighs are thick. I have strong features. Large hands graced with dexterity. Big feet that help me stand tall. I’m soft in the middle, and striped. I have the stature of a ferocious tiger. It’s okay to take up space. I spent…