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-diary entry

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Lyrics from And The Grass Won’t Pay No Mind

[pumpkinsoup9i9]

to be loved is to be understood

based off of a recent diary entry of mine

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“Not if it’s you”

on regret

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[pumpkinsoup9i9]

Your gaze, a nomad's drift, from the shore of my eyes to the cusp of my lips—

I can only wonder what it is that you search for.

( a snippet from a poem of mine )

[pumpkinsoup9i9]

— a girl is a haunted house, tathève simonyan

[text ID: “This is me”, he whispers and I can feel the breath of his fist on my virgin cheekbone. / “This is me”, his voice is clearer, “do you take me as I am?” / But all I can think of is how my mother invented helplessness to raise my father up. / I refuse to build a throne on my head for another man.]

[pumpkinsoup9i9]

The Lover of Chaos

I begged you not to run as you ventured to the ends of the Earth, for my feet had begun to ache, and my body had grown weary. The longer I ran, the faster I faded, but you could not hear my wails over the wind blowing through your ears.

I begged you not to jump as we stood at the edge of a cliff - at the edge of the world. For I cannot stomach the thought of the end. You stared over the edge, your face shining with glee, but you could not hear my wails over the frantic pounding of your heart.

You turned to me and asked, "Isn't this lovely?"

But I didn't dare to respond.

You stuck your hand out, wishing for my company, my sacrifice, my touch. And when all had been granted to you, you'd done what you've always done, and you took like you always took.

But who is truly to blame, for I was the fool who entrusted the thief with my purse - and the killer with my life. So, was it not yours for the taking?

To love, to live, to lose. To yearn, to take, to succumb. All you love is destruction and all you bring is chaos, but all I can love is you.

-pumpkinsoup9i9