quicksilver-times - Tumblr blog

[quicksilver-times]

To grieve what I still have

but have yet to let go of,

is one of the most torturous endeavors

I have ever created for myself.

[quicksilver-times]

I can feel my heart beat

in my chest.

As though

despite the blood flow,

my mind detects

unrest.

We’re always moving

spinning on an axis

time fading into tiny facets

it all passes too quickly

to fathom.

I can’t keep up.

[quicksilver-times]

[quicksilver-times]

Unable to let go yet it hurts being too close.

[quicksilver-times]

There is the world,

reality,

and me.

I only wish

to not drown

in this intrepid battle

of gaining perspective.

[quicksilver-times]

I see myself

in her

and him

his twisted thoughts

her wanted whims

I see myself

in craving

and criticizing

his judgemental smile

her grin of beguile

I see myself

when I don’t want to

recognize this strife

I feign to forget

these hearts

created mine

maybe in another life

I’ll grant myself the grace

to see myself

as a story not so foreign

one that’s truly mine

[quicksilver-times]

Centuries she lived,

she hid and

lamplight dimmed

in the presence of

shadows she made

Silence stretched over

her feelings

no one ever heard her pleading

Her emotions lacked composure

so she built defenses

dug her trenches

a solitary shoreline

comprised of boulders

catching memories

as though she’s stealing

timelines that couldn’t be

yearning for some slice

of what’s appealing

to shatter glass atop a ceiling

despite orders decreed

fate’s fleeting dealings

left her reeling

contemplating life

and its proceedings

forced to deal

knowing destiny

withholds revealing

[quicksilver-times]

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”

— Jim Carrey

[quicksilver-times]

“I restore myself when I’m alone.”

— Marilyn Monroe

[quicksilver-times]

A young teens questions and a young adults revisions

[quicksilver-times]

You’d think after fearing the inevitable all your life it would hurt less when the inevitable finally happens.

But it doesn’t, it hurts just as much; if not more.

Maybe because it’s the one thing you hoped more than anything would never come true.

[quicksilver-times]

Just because I take what comes doesn’t mean I do not wonder what drives us forward.

[quicksilver-times]

I worry for the day

I will speak of you

in the past tense.

And I hate myself

for being too weak

to tolerate you

when I have

the chance to.

[quicksilver-times]

I hold onto anger

like a fishhook

sunk into the lip

of an unsuspecting fish.

Forever simmering

like a bed of charred wood

burning out

at the end of a long evening.

Unable to let go

as if anger holds a solution

to a problem solved

at the end of a chapter

that happened long ago.

I hold onto anger

feeling its double edged sword

cut into my chest.

I hold onto my anger

as though blood red eyes

could somehow provide

clemency

for the barriers

built through time

in a war that wasn’t mine.

[quicksilver-times]

I meander

starved stomach

grinding thoughts,

overthinking so

revelations evade me.

wondering

fearing

doubting

hands grasping

any easy way out.

stumbling

mumbling verses

in my head

nit picking

introspections.

finger pointing

evil eying

past nemesises

preoccupying

time

forever looking

over my shoulder.

wondering

unable to say

fuck you

to the voices lighting

matches on

gasoline igniting doubt.

feeling

forever reeling

stealing gravity

from words that aren’t mine.

I meander

searching

lamenting fate

yearning

for moments

I’m able to extrapolate

verses from my grumbling

mumbling

tormenting mind.

[quicksilver-times]

In fleeting moments of beauty

will you think of me?

If there was one image

to come to mind

when my name is murmured in kind

ringing ears

interjecting thoughts

what would it be?

[quicksilver-times]

How can I accept who I am, when I want to abandon all that made me to be?