r-lsmi0426

[r-lsmi0426]

It's fine when I post stories, share and like someone's post and watch reels. Trying to make one. It's all on a chill mode. But it only takes a slight moment. The body starts shivering, suddenly it feels like it's all burden. Too much anger out of nowhere. But tears break up while having many loose ends. I beat my thigh with my bare fists. Lol. It's like making my thigh red or trying to bring the pain in my fists. Both are useless.

My dad has to work on the computer most of the time. He is not a funny guy even though he thinks he is. He watches some funny videos, sometimes some speeches or any live reporting. He always asks what I am doing. Then he tells something usual like about social work or something. He knows that I get angry fast. He doesn't talk to me, just watches me when I drag the fingernail so hard on the glass of windows that it doesn't make any sound. He then tells don't hurt yourself. So, I stop. But sometimes I still can't find myself regretting thinking of hitting his skull with that hammer. You know at this point you can call me inhumane or crazy.

Many people call us losers. Basically for not focusing on life and career and more on passion. Please don't feel awkward if you have done that. I tell you why cuz I've called people like me loser too. Now, you might be thinking that how could I say that. It's more like bragging about the sky is the limit after a beer than realising after a peg of a local drink. Understanding the significance of life is crucial but handling the emotional breakdowns is way different from person to person. It's not always the situation that changes us. It's the feeling of our self intuitions seeming to be happening.

We know how wonderful is the pleasure and the respect we receive working on our passion. It's our anger, the anxiety and the depression on which we don't have any control. You know, my dad still will call me his small boy. I know I can't justify anything. But I don't deserve to hear words that refer to me not being a human. We can change. We will get treatments. But we need you to treat us right. We love you all. Don't hate us.

[r-lsmi0426]

It was a night. Walking all alone in the woods. Owls hooting from far. Cool breeze touching the branches. The wind running through my ears whispering something strange. Someone called me from the back. I looked back. But I fell in that pit. I was scared. All I was doing was looking at that sky out of that pit. Then I hear a struggling voice from my left. It was him. Fucking bleeding from his head, through his nose and his broken eye. Me. He was trying to tell me something. He said, " I lost it." All I remember then is screaming so hard, that my nerves seeming to break out from my skin, my jaws strengthening and my eyes with so much sorrow.

Why so Painful?

It was one of my dreams. I lost that feeling where I feel that I am special when I was just a kid. I knew from there that I am just that simple human who gets hurt from hearing abuses and contemptuous teases. But I still wanted to feel lifted. All by myself. In the air, my arms behind, my legs and my spine straight enough floating towards the sky, and my eyes looking at the beautiful sky. But I always end up recognising the world. Then I realise it will take time.

Why so Hateful?

I run every corner for a living. I make sure I do my best. I don't have many dreams. I don't stop. But all I want is peace. I am not a greedy person. I know what is Marley's last words. But still, I get lost. Depression comes first.

Why so Embarrassing?

I call upon the day where I remember holding my achievements. I was happy. Bit of happy moments in my life. But I cry when I feel thrown out of the opportunities. But I still wake up. Still wear those clothes. Still dance in that crowd. Still smiling in that very moment where the filthy rich cry for attention. So, this time, I will fall in that pit, look at myself with my gazing eyes, and with a bit of smile and I will ask.

Why so Serious?

[r-lsmi0426]

#Self portrait

[r-lsmi0426]

Truth helps me Dream well - By Rishi Narayanan