rainywhispersblog - Tumblr blog

[rainywhispersblog]

[rainywhispersblog]

idk how to flirt but i can make things awkward if you're into that

[rainywhispersblog]

I just want to be okay. I don’t need to be happy, I just want to be okay.

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you have to be at least a little delusional in order to lead a happy life

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I hope that one day I can finally be free from my own mind

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i feel annoyed at how bpd is talked about.

not about the stereotypes that are played into, but it’s more about the fact that every time i want to learn more about my illness, all i can find is: “they have very unstable relationships which makes them feel bad and then they act out cause they are impulsive”

that’s a simplification and over exaggeration - but it’s true.

even in bpd subreddits, it’s people complaining and talking about their relationships and how it messes with them, asking for opinions.

i don’t mean to sound insensitive, because these are real issues. but im just tired of the other symptoms being ignored.

for me, it’s constant chronic (2+ years) intrusive suicidal thoughts, constantly feeling like i am being judged by those around me, sh’ing because i “need to be punished for my mistakes”, and being unable to tell anyone around me what i am going through because “if they knew, they would hate me”. its being so empty that i can’t tell if i, or the world around me, really exists.

it’s isolating, swinging from happy to suicidal in just a few minutes. it’s feeling rage because nobody knows what ive been through, but being unable to tell anyone. it’s repeating my worst memories over, and over, and over again until i can’t take it anymore.

im not comparing experiences, they are all valid. but i am tired of not seeing any representation of my experiences in bpd communities - and of seeing 700 “my boyfriend did [x] and then i did/feel [y]” posts instead.

am i alone in how i feel? do i even have bpd?

somehow, even after a diagnosis, i convince myself this is something i have made up for attention, even if its something that i never talk about.

[rainywhispersblog]

having bpd is actual hell on earth cause no one tries to fucking understand you and they write you off as being difficult and too much and they leave and we’re left with this fucking personality disorder that consumes my entire fucking existence and they act like its THEIR inconvenience that IM ill.

[rainywhispersblog]

Listen to yourself you already know the answer.

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trying my best to be happy but bpd feels like im fighting my own brain everyday :(

[rainywhispersblog]

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“You will search for me in another person, I promise.”

— Unknown

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things i saved from fanfics day four:

"I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you."

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Right? 😆 we’d be in trouble most of the time.

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Let’s see how many times This gets reblogged in here.

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“you’re so self aware”

thanks it’s ruining my life

[rainywhispersblog]

ⓘ This user is tired.

[rainywhispersblog]

It's crazy how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love.