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In one hour everything turnee for the worst. I haven't lost my keys or wallet in a while in one night i lose both and no one is there to help.

Ppl say I am crazy for everythi g i need. But to me it makes sense. I have been isolating myself bc ppl use all my enery and then i have nothing left. Or they rub me ragged but when I ask for something in return i cant get it.or i just rub ppl wrong so i domt go to things bc i dont have the energy to spend figuring out what ppl need me to be and then pretendkng to be it.

The other big thing is i need pants . Not jeans, not stretch pants, not joggers, not tight. Good old cargo woork pants that arent relaxed fit. My keys and wallet need to go in a pocket I can zipmup.. yes i so walk around with a back pack but when I leave stuff innthere i lock it in the car or house or someone else's property. Plus yarn, a jumpboxm and keyboard or necessary for my work every day. And baggy stuff makes it so I can squeeze between car or I get yanked by everything or ahut it in the door and the world just tears it apart. And I dont have $180 to buy what i used to buy.

And life is just expensive I like helping and not have to spend every moment paying bills or cleaning (cause thats as close to God and a sanctuary as i can ge5). I miss taking ppl kids out for adventures.imiss volunteering in nursing homes. I miss teaching ppl crafts and to stop and smell the roses. I iss stocking shelves at the library and going in apecial needs classrooms to helptgem blv they can do forbthemseves even if its not the same way everyone else does it I miss riding on my bike for 18 hours i missbhelping strangers put groceries in their car or jupstart it. I miss standing on stage breaking pieces of myself to be used in someone else finding their greatness. I miss being the first ladies go getter and praise partner I miss my house being cleaned so regularly tered be nothing in the vacuum when i vacced and only enough dust to wipe with a papertowel when I swept and no blood spots on any bathroom surfaces ordirt ring in the tub. I miss being able to pic up a stranger and drive them to a whole nother state out of kindnesss and aee the gas needle not move.

Like im just sadthat i cant fill the gap anymore so that when i fuck up its not a thing bc all ppl will see if the good I put out tere and not my million moments of weakness

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¿Estoy estúpida? No puedo aprobar los exámenes. Quiero terminar esta clase de ejercicios, pero ya debería ser que los exámenes no estén donde estoy lleno de saber.

No puedo tocar estas palabras para explicar cuándo sentirme. Hablaba en español por muchos años cuando trabajaba en Food Lion. Salía en un apartamento, se llamaba Lil México, y hablaba con muchas personas españolas. Tomé todas las clases de español en la escuela. Casi fui a la universidad en España porque comprendía la idioma muy buena para vivir allí por dos años sin poder hablar inglés.

Todavía no puedo escribir o hablar sin dificultad. Estoy estúpida..

!

I'm pissed...about my ability to learn so figured why not put it out there for constructive feedback or humor at my stupidity. Better than bashing myself more.

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I made it home with an aching head and I'd like to stay in bed in the morn. But we know all i do will never be enough.and all im trying to gain isnt stuff; i just want a roof over my head and every cent gained through work that's not too rough. But i knew life would be tough dont even remember seeing the knees of my granny who hid everythi g in her titties. And now dollars. Are worth less than her pennies. And I'm supposed to believe in the civil liberties granted to us since that day we celebrate on juneteentn when im chained beyond the hours of 9-5 and still cant afford to eat.

Ive made it beyond sustenance to perserverance

Im aiming to...[forgot the word and got stuck help me]

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I know i wont be able to read my wriing in te morning and I wont know where to look fo what i wrtoe so we will jst post this randomnss where I am most likely to find it.

I waslistening to

Another in the Fire by sxxnt, and everybody else

and ranting in my ead

Refrain

I am not alone

te eart keeps roaing

and te sun keeps sing

even all i see

is the low of the moon

and its not just anoter star

Just as the Son

is more than a vowwels change

i just got to rearrnge

the impaired vision percieved

by damaged rods and cones

hat make up my nearsighted vision

i will not be imrosioned

by myfaulty actions

when ive been taked with

the constant remembrance

of the crucificion

andn until i move past the crutch

my sin bears me on

ill praise my way from beneath

the precipitation of depression

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Really could use a brace today. Hopefully the next time they go on sale I'm not broke.

We're going to praise God with a limp today. Lol

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I didnt realize my project had slipped out the rear door. Ruined a good needle, luckily I had only did a provisional cast on so no ruined work. Someone buy me a new one with the metal line.

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Sometimes I just want to scream

...cause even I don't understand me

...and I want to release all these feelings compressed inside my cerebrum

...that even the most heavy duty and professional broom couldn't sweep up these scattered pieces.

...and watch the world around me freeze in the space of time it takes prey to decide to freeze or fight. But that's the question am I the predator or prey.

...as the walls fall around me. Is this my seventh pass or did my tank empty of gas before reaching its destination.

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Already had to push a car 2 blocks on a busy highway. What a day!

I don't get paid enough.

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So y'all every time God is good to me, I have to shout it from the rooftops. And I know there are haters out there who want to steal my victory but I know my God is bigger so I don't be worried.

You know the small victories matter the most. I am in the grocery store thanking God I made it there cause these streets is crazy--that's another story. Then I am like I can spend $50 and it might eat into my rent but God got me. And I'm saying in my head I still need gas--that is another story.

BUT GOD...saw me being faithful and trusting him to supply my needs; cause you got to eat to praise Him all day every day like I do--cause I am praise my way to breakthrough.

And He sent someone to be a blessing so that that is $50 less I am trying to make towards rent.

So you may see 2 steak tacos with homemade salsa cheese and guacamole. I payed for the marked down $5 flank and said I guess I'll be tapping in to more money to make tacos.

BUT GOD...said no weapon formed against you shall prosper and I made it to the grocery store and home

But GOD...said be obedient and I will supply all your needs. And I got more than steak and cheese on a cold tortilla.

BUT GOD...will give me the strength and desire to continue in obedience, to have just a mustard seed of faith, and lean on his understanding, and take His yoke.

Amén.

That's my testimony. Feel free to add yours or continue the overflow and bless someone you know in need.

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Camera is broken but I brought this little task list notebook from temu and absolutely love it. It just works better than the weekly planner behind it. I can see most of the things I need to get done. Even though I don't knock out half the things on the lists, it is good to feel accomplished the more I get done in a day. It also allows me to see the important things I want to get done but never add to the list. Which explains why I never get them done.

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Speak against me

Then know that your life is pathetic

Speaking that death

Watch your breath

Before you needing a medic

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In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

Romans 8:26 NIV

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No other options for being stuffed with chocolate 😉 so I'll just eat brownies and be happy.

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I been singing "I just wanna go home." all night. Now I am here but I am so anxious and angry--can you feel both at the same time?--that I feel like I have on the wrong bodysuit or skin or whatever.

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I cannot keep this pace so You [GOD] gone have to give me something to keep me going or do what needs doing.

It's like whatever I am thinking about before bed is always answered in the next days Daily Bible Verse.

“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. Matthew 5:3 NLT