real-words-from-rahema

[real-words-from-rahema]

That which you disgust...

Round and round and round the dirty seagulls fly overhead as I lay in bed, their squawking waking me out of my slumber I wonder how…how is it to be a bird, even a dirty obnoxious one that everyone hates I take…it that it must be a humorous affair flying here and there not really knowing where you’re going not really having anywhere to go meandering through the atmosphere just waiting for…

[real-words-from-rahema]

Biding My Time

I’m just biding my timeKeep saying waitKeep wanting fateto step in and save meBut I’ve got to moveGot to actbut I keep biding my timewaiting for the right momentwaiting for things to be perfectwaiting for something else to save meI just keep biding my timeKeep floatingAnd hopingthat something else will come and decidewhat I need to doSo I just keep biding my timebecause if I sit stillI can’t be…

[real-words-from-rahema]

2005 Melody

My melody sings across my body across the people I meet my melody my melody my beat the beat of my melody of my notes my melody flows through my  skin sends vibrations through my  bones my melody my notes are steam in the bathroom after a hot shower my melody your melody pours all over me vapors all over me your melody your melody sounds so sweet, feels so sweet taste so…

[real-words-from-rahema]

The Break Up

The mug fell again Yes, for the 6th time and it’s shattered beyond repair this go round No amount of super glue can fix it Well it was never really fixed in the first place, now was it? It never felt quite right after the 2nd fall or 4th drop The reality is, it’s been broken for a while The chip at the top of the mug cutting your lip The tiny hole that dribbles out hot liquid & even ruined…

[real-words-from-rahema]

Journal 5/24/20

I think I am terrified of love. Not universal love, of the attachment love, the one that leads me to miss people or want them around or think about death. Yes, for some reason that attachment love makes me think about death – and eventual separation. Sometimes when I think too hard about it I feel panicked, not happy like before. I think about how life will be hard without them. I feel like this…

[real-words-from-rahema]

I Think My Nana is Calling

2018 I lay in bed reviewing the night before, thinking about how much money I spent on yet another unmemorable evening. “Damn it – how’d I let myself down again” I thought to myself. After my 4th bout of overthinking I decided to let up. All I can do is start over and do better. I rolled over and grabbed my phone to check the time. 9:15 am. I texted Ava to see if she wanted to go to church,…

[real-words-from-rahema]

Journal 1/31/24 I want to feel human

I keep telling people that I haven’t been feeling quite “human” lately. All day I’m on screens. Screens for work, screens to communicate, screens to turn off my brain from all of that. It’s almost like I’m living in a damn screen myself. I’m sure that’s how it feels to clients; like I’m just an image living in glass. After my most recent breakdown I realized that I hadn’t been feeling like me in…

[real-words-from-rahema]

Born out of Revenge

I was conceived out of revenge; an act of betrayal paid back with another. According to my mother, her boyfriend Steve had cheated on her, so she then cheated on him with a family friend – Tony. That cheating must have been intense because soon after an oatmeal colored baby appeared.  My mother said Steve insisted that I was his, wanted me to be his, what a decent fellow. But my mother laid out…

[real-words-from-rahema]

Bruised at Birth

I feel dark and pained all over Not because of some accident Seems I was born this way – born different Made to never fit in Always at odds with everything I can’t help it, can’t change it It is what it is All I can do is carry on Do my best to hide my pain so I don’t disturb others My darkness is disturbing enough it seems Always looking, peeking, whispering Some brave enough to ask…

[real-words-from-rahema]

Born with eyes open

According to my mother I was born with my eyes open. I guess that means I been woke.  She said I scared the shit out of the doctor being born with eyes wide open like that. He probably thought I was dead, and didn’t know how he’d explain that to my sweating, heavy breathing, exhausted 21 year old mother. But I was fully alive, too alive maybe. Too ready to see what was happening out there in this…

[real-words-from-rahema]

The Woman From South Sudan

Sept 30,2018 I was on a flight from Nairobi, Kenya heading to Cape Town, South Africa. It was an early morning flight and had a stop in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I was tired of course and planned on zoning out. After going through 3 security checks (typical of a Kenyan airport) I was finally able to board and found that I was seated next to an elderly woman wearing various cloth from head to toe. I…

[real-words-from-rahema]

10/10/17 Kenya

Today I went to Kazuku center near the apartment here in Kenya. I got a notebook and pencil for a reasonable price and wrote out some goals. This made me very happy. I love pencils for some reason, maybe it’s the teacher in me.  Afterward I listened to dag-on Google for directions to Junction Mall, which was a huge mistake. Google isn’t really accurate for places like this, so travel took me…

[real-words-from-rahema]

She sat on the highest peak of the moon

Looking out into the soul of the universe

They say darkness is evil

But it seems to hold everything in its invisible palm

Engulfed in it without being swallowed

Eternally held by it for no apparent reason

More than a mother

An allower

Letting us be

with no hidden agenda

Is this undying love?

Or neutral existence?

Is there any difference

if both allow us to be free?

[real-words-from-rahema]

4/23/22 19:04

Colors that once felt vivid bleeding through me

Are now faded and foggy

like water colors of a picture painted as a small child

And dry and stale

as if able to crunch into dusts

And swept away into the bin

Not as if it never happened

But as if now, no one cares that it did

[real-words-from-rahema]

She left her heart out

In the open too long it

Dried up like a prune

[real-words-from-rahema]

Tear drops

Ink blots

They're all the same

[real-words-from-rahema]

Is it the lost love that makes us sad?

Or the lost time

Wasted energy

and effort 

Us wondering how we could make

Such a grave mistake 

That brings us to tears