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black and white thinking

I have some feelings about how we talk about black and white thinking, but I wouldn't say I have thoughts about it. My feelings haven't quite solidified into an opinion or an understanding yet, which is why I want to write about it here. I'm trying to figure some shit out, okay?

When my therapist points out black and white thinking, I mostly feel grateful. It creates an opportunity to find a middle ground, to find an outlook that will best serve my goals, or to get as close to the truth of it as we can with the information available.

But when anyone else mentions black and white thinking to me, I have an emotional reaction that confuses me. It makes me think of a few different things:

pda (persistent demand for autonomy, previously known as pathological demand avoidance) --- like, am I reacting defensively because I feel like I'm being told what to do or because I feel like I'm being given unsolicited, something like that?

pathologization --- in these moments, I definitely feel like I'm being pathologized, like I'm being seen as autistic, that the person who's bringing up black and white thinking is diagnosing an unwanted symptom in me and their advice is the treatment. But what's so interesting about this to me is that I don't feel like that when my therapist brings it up. And I'm literally paying my therapist to look for symptoms in me and give advice as treatment!

I think the difference is that I've given my therapist permission to do this. I walk into each sessions expecting that kind of feedback. It's not unsolicited.

It makes me think about any time people who do therapy give advice to friends and family based on therapy knowledge. I do that all the time. I think I've tried to be tactful about it, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that I've made people feel pathologized.

I'm not sure what to take from this. It sounds like I'm convincing myself not to give out therapy advice, or to be more careful about it.

But there's another option I want to explore here. Is there a way for me to unpack that unpleasant feeling I've had in a way that will free me from it?

When someone I trust and respect brings up black and white thinking (and they're also autistic and also in therapy), aren't they saying it from a place of care? Why can't I feel grateful to them, the same way I do when my therapist brings up black and white thinking?

Maybe I can give permission in my mind for those kinds of interactions in the future, meaning the advice won't feel unsolicited. Hmmm...

I think the biggest thing going on here is that I don't think black and white thinking is always a bad thing, but I often feel like it has a purely negative connotation when it's brought up by a friend. Maybe that's part of the difference between hearing it from my therapist and hearing it from friends. I feel like my therapist and I are in agreement that it's not always a bad thing.

You'd think it would be the other way around... with my friends being the ones encouraging me to be delusional when it's in my best interest.

Why don't I think black and white thinking is always a bad thing? Idk. I guess it's usually a bad thing to see the world inaccurately. But that statement implies a belief in objectivity and I won't subscribe to that.

Black and white thinking.... hmm...

It's good sometimes. Or like, it's part of me. It's a part of my personality. Some of the pieces of myself that I like come from opinions that originated in black and white thinking and then guided my actions and interests until I became who I am.

Like I think there's a connection between how I experience special interests and black and white thinking. Engaging in a special interest often feels like letting black and white thinking run wild. It's a series of yes/no decisions, leading me on a research rabbit hole. It's a feeling of yes/no, leading me to decide what to do with my time. "Will this fill my heart right now?" No. Consider the next thing.

It's also a yes/no for "Is this still filling my heart right now?" once engaging in an interest. And giving myself permission to switch between interests, rewatching only the first 20 minutes of a movie before watching 10 minutes of a show, and then switching to something else.

It's an adhd & autism combination thing. It's wild and unhinged and beautiful and one of the only things that works when I'm trying to find a feeling of safety within a stressful day.

Bringing it back to the purpose of this blog, deciding whether or not to reblog something is also black and white thinking. It's yes/no again. In fact, decisions are black and white, aren't they? Like Schrodinger's cat, it's both or everything until it's just one thing.

Black and white thinking. Decisions.

I struggle with decisions so much. I've experienced so much pain and sorrow for how difficult it is to make decisions.

"What should I have for dinner?"

"Should I tell her I love her?"

So, when I am able to make a decision, I'm grateful. When I know how I feel and I can speak about it or act on it, it's a huge achievement.

And to be in a space with friends where I'm pouring my heart out, pushing through the social anxiety and probable overstimulation of whatever space we're occupying together, to hear feedback that's telling me not to be sure, not to make a decision -- it hurts. It feels like a betrayal. Is this my pda showing? Yes, I think so. But is that so bad? It's who I am.

This whole thing hurts my heart so much because the times when this has happened, my friend has my best interest at heart and honestly, it's advice I do want to hear. I listen and take in what they're saying. If they think I'm exhibiting black and white thinking and they're bringing it up to me, it's because they think I would benefit from reconsidering my view, adding some nuance. And they're right. They're usually right.

So, the next time this happens, I might experience some discomfort. And I'll allow myself to feel it while acknowledging my own joy for having made a decision, while reminding myself of the gratitude I have for a friend who cares about me enough to engage with my thought process so deliberately.

I guess this writing session was pretty useful after all.

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Teaser trailer for Karusell is here 🔥

Edited by adding translation:

Intro voice: Ok guys let’s go!

Fiona: who is it?

Dante: I think it is exactly one year ago.

Female character: He is here.

Unknown male: Run!

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GOOD NEWS!!!!

American fans who want to watch Omar’s upcoming movie debut in Karusell will be able to through Amazon Prime!

⬇️ from the official Karusell tiktok page

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btw the biggest lie you will ever be told about being trans is that transitioning will make you ugly. that could not be further from the truth: i never got compliments on my appearance ever, but after i transitioned, began dressing like myself, wore my hair the way i wanted to, and especially started T, i have gotten more compliments than i ever have before in my life. people can tell when you look like yourself, like who you're meant to be. it's beautiful, attractive, and sexy. transition will not make you "ugly". it will make you yourself, and that's inherently beautiful

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Isaac Henderson + Text Posts

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omg bless your hear for pointing this out. I love Isaac and I love being aroace :) I recently entered into a QPR with someone who isn't aro or ace and I'm going to have to explain this feeling to them and how I don't get it because of other people. I get it in these types of moments, when I'm not trying to fit myself into a box

so we’re all familiar with the little animations that happen during important romantic scenes

but let’s talk about Issac. Issac spends most of the season confused about his sexuality and feeling that something is wrong with him.

When he discovers asexuality at the art school, he gets the leaf animation we’re used to seeing for the couples. When the art about crush culture is being explained to him, Issac can see that the artist is proud of being asexual; eager to explain his identity to a stranger viewing his piece. He is overwhelmed with the fact that he not only isn’t broken, but that his sexuality is something someone could be so proud of having.

The leaves still represent love, but instead of romantic love, it’s self love.

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I love Isaac so much that I started writing fanfic for the first time in my life. That's saying a lot because I'm 28 years old and I've been reading fanfic since like 2009

OMG ISSAC YOU MAGNIFICENT HUMAN FUCKING WRECK HIM! GET FUCKED HARRY

This would be much better as a GIF but I don't know how to do that so...

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it does more harm than good to prop up the myth of the ‘neurotypical’ who completes tasks cheerfully with no issues. this person is a capitalist fantasy. the more you define yourself in comparison to this myth the more you justify social structures staying the same with minor accommodations to the ‘exceptions’ and the continued pathologizing of discomfort under hostile conditions

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i know people make these kinds of posts with fictional characters a lot but like. hank green truly is one of The Most Guys Ever. like. he's one of the earliest youtubers who is still on there. he's a 43-year-old tiktok star. he's a science educator. he got cancer and his response was to make a tier list of the press's coverage of his cancer announcement. the president of the united states sent him a message of support and he told the president that he was pissing out the cancer. years earlier he was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and his response was to write a polka song about it. he created vidcon. he's the ceo of a company that produces a shitton of educational series (well, not acting ceo at the moment due to the aforementioned cancer). his guitar says "this machine pwns n00bs" on it. he invented 2D glasses. one of his earliest videos to get popular was about animal sex. between him and his brother, he was known as "the science one" (or "the music one") while his brother was "the writer one," and then he wrote two new york times bestselling novels. his most controversial opinion is that butt is legs. he's done so many things that there is a website dedicated to counting the number of days since he started a new thing. he and his brother use their internet following to (among other things) fight maternal/infant mortality in sierra leone. he has a baked bean furby. hes even bisexual

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i’m starting a movement to stop calling this shit “artificial intelligence” cause it’s fucking not. it’s not intelligent, and the things it produces are not informed by logical choices. it doesn’t know how to research sources for you. it doesn’t compose art thoughtfully or meaningfully.

call it machine-generated, text generator, chat bot, but it’s not intelligent.