#autdhd

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

Resource: Help Post

I told my dad that I wanted to change psychiatrists, since I’m supposed to be trialing adhd meds/doses (only started in March) and I didn’t feel safe doing that with this psychiatrist. Dad asked what I meant, and I explained that the dr was very clearly biased against adhd/adhd meds and I couldnt be open with her, and that a lot of psychiatrists have this bias. Dad, for all his efforts to be an (extremely performative) autism- and abuse-recovery-supporting Pure Ally uwu, said:

“sounds like Bullshit”

he asked me “where I’d heard this information”, and I said that along with trusted online sources, there was a ton of anecdotal evidence, the entire adhd community, and MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

He said “come back with Real Sources” and then proceeded to get aggro at me for being angry “because I live in his house” (and he’s still being a dick????) and then tried to accuse me of some kind of “addiction to constantly changing psychiatrists” and a bunch of other bs while I desperately tried to signal that the conversation was O V E R.

anyway I’m looking for some AcTuAl SoUrCeS to convince my father (who is, like me, obviously autdhd but never been treated) that the stigma I and the adhd/autdhd community experience.... is real. 

[ojirocardigansniper]

when your adhd causes problems (kind of fucking up an appointment timing). and your rsd is making you want to hit your head on the wall about it because it is causing unexpected inconvenience for other people. you have to remember . that even if your actions cause issues and it is your 'fault'. that you are still a person who has the right for ask for help solving said issues. and that you are a person who deserves basic respect and some grace for your screwups. you have to grit your teeth and tell yourself this. because it is true.

[1101200905]

i think of u have multiple conditions that include emotional dysregulation it should just cancel out

[faerieboyfixations]

I haven't finished Starfield, but it's losing my focus anyhow. I married Sam, mission accomplished. What do you mean there's more Starborn plot? Why must we be immediate enemies to the first non-humans we find? Did Bethany esda learn nothing from bioware?

Now, I'd love to shift my fixation to Baldur's Gate, but I don't have 3 and the earlier ones are much less enticing. So I'm flailing for art ideas and proper distractions as the dark months loom.

[abirdsfreedom]

How do you defend your body malfunctioning (autism, ADHD, cPTSD, Hypothyroidism) to someone who says, "I'm sick (congestive heart failure) and depressed but I still get things done, why cant you!?"

Like, cause we arent the same person and mental health, and physical health, effect others differently, what else would be the reason!?!?? Why is it so hard for him to understand that I try, i try really hard everyday, but i cannot overpower my nonworking brain with my nonworking brain?

What's he not understanding about executive dysfunction?

[thementalhealther]

How to Stop Dwelling on Trauma Pt 1.

TW: MENTION OF SUBSTANCES, TRAUMA DUMPING

First of all, I'm not exactly sure if this may be triggering for other people because I don't know if anybody can related to this. My purpose in writing this is to see if anyone can relate to what I am experiencing and to let people know they are not alone. All I know is that this is an extremely sensitive and triggering topic for me, so read at your own discretion.

I feel like I got hit by a Honda Civic and after I tried to get back up I got completely mauled by dump truck. I have fetal alcohol syndrome and there are no words to possibly describe how much this has affected by life let alone my entire being. I was exposed to drugs in the womb which messed with my neurochemistry. By 3 days old I was twitching and seizing. I have all of these complex undiagnosed/unexplained medical issues that I’ve had to find my way through and let’s not even get into the mental stuff. It’s actually a miracle I survived 5 days let alone 15 years. I resent her for doing this to me and not even bothering to keep me. A part of me thinks she did it purposefully to hurt me.

Here’s a metaphor I like to use a lot: Trauma is like a big fat pile of shit. A ginormous pile of shit that someone—in my case my biological mother—just walked in, dumped on your living room floor, and said “Not my problem anymore.” You can’t have any house parties because nobody’s gonna wanna go to a house that smells like caca! And the shit has been sitting in your living room for so long that you pretty much got used to the smell. A lot of us ask ourselves “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” in regards to our trauma. It’s called victim mindset and it’s a very paralyzing state to be in because you just ask yourself the same questions without ever really finding any answers. In the end, you may not be the one who put the shit there, but it’s your responsibility to clean it up. And yeah I’m aware that it may be a literal ton of shit that you can’t handle on your own, which is why you need the help of others to clean it up.

I feel like I’ve made significant progress processing my trauma but it’s taken me a lot of time and energy to heal and I’m still not there yet. Healing takes a lot of time— and sometimes I wonder if it’ll ever not be such a triggering thing for me because even though whenever I think out it I don’t go into crisis like I used to, however I’m still very sad about what happened—but if you're reading this and you can relate, then just know that it does get better with time and it is so worth it. You’re not alone.

[tempestttgames]

Just finished Devil's Hour. When he noticed I was watching it my partner complained about wanting to see Capaldi, but that it was a Stephen Moffat series, so he wouldn't probably like it. He called Moffat's writing style 'Mystery Box', which us meant to describe a story where you have no idea whata going on and it's revealed to you in small bits over time.

I have to admit that's my favourite things about Moffat's work. I love trying to guess the truth, trying to see the patterns. It's a like unwrapping a particularly difficult Xmas gift. You have a good idea what's in there, but while you're still unwrapping it, you can't be sure.

And it's different to a regular mystery. A whodunnit. I don't care who the murderer is or where's the kidnapped girl. I desperately want to know what the objective reality is. It's my favourite puzzle.

Did I mention I'm AutDHD and that people are constantly trying to tell me my reality is false?

Anyway. Devil's Hour. It's good.

[petty-weakling]

well my school is ableist.

Firstly, one of my friends three learning disabilities, he is getting bullied in his classes but the school will not move him into a set where he will STILL GET ENOUGH SUPPORT because 'too many learning disabilities' instead the school wants to move him to a set that is full of people who are EVEN WORSE.

Secondly, one of the people at the school who is meant to be dealing with the SEN ('special' educational needs) stuff thinks that autism isn't a mental disability but is still a disability???? and thinks that when me or my friends are complaining about things where we are either incapable of doing or understanding that we are simply making excuses... i don't even know where to begin with how stupid some of this is though.

For example, i complain frequently that my brain classifies things differently to a neurotypical's brain, such as not seeing 'relationships' and instead simply associating an emotion with different people. How do they respond... by ignoring my complaint... or by insisting that things work a certain way, well done with the whole 'autistic people have rigid thinking' there when the neurotypicals are the rigidly thinking ones.

Also the person i complained about in the second paragraph thought that me and my autistic friends will not struggle as much as adults... i quite literally only do as well as i do because i am not expected to do as much as an adult, if i have to start doing things like shopping i will probably be found having panic attacks in a corner, it will not get easier. She also thought that i don't understand where my limits are... yes, because the disabled person totally wouldn't understand their daily experiences (/s). my limits will not lower when i am an adult, what part of me having a developmental disability do they not understand, do i have to say 'AUTISM IS A DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY' to them every time i complain? (/rh)

In short - my school does not understand that people can be capable of stuff unrelated to their disabilities when they are disabled and does not understand that people can be disabled by their disabilities.

[thinkingdiversity]

This is a Link to a discord group for 2E adult

Twice exceptional meaning

Having a disability that impacts your learning and being labeled as “gifted.” We are less than 1% of the population this space is to support our asynchronous development needs without negative feedback from those who don’t understand

Its the juxtaposition of those two experiences

Being disabled in a way that impacts how you learn and excelling in areas you care about!)

Early ,Late and self dx Autistics welcome as well as autistics not seeking dx. ( I run this space as an early Dxed autistic who has been in neurodiverse spaces and social skill groups since 2005 ish when i was dxed.)

Always down to hyperfix or provide answers to autdhd related questions.

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

this is so fascinating and I can't perceive any of it. I can flip through the pages and look at the pictures and know how much I want to know this information, but its all locked behind blocks of text that I CANNOT READ.

[frogtify]

hi um so, english isn't my native language so pls ignore if there's any mistakes lol. i don't even know what the point of this is but i guess i just wanted to know if someone can relate to what im about to describe or if it even has a name(?

(im autistic btw i forgot to mention the obvious) and for as long as i can remember I've struggled with interactions, socializing and all that, i just burnout so easily really but this is something else (or at least i think so?)

so basically everytime im in a situation where's there's this group of ppl, either ive interacted with them or not, i always feel dirty afterwards.

both physically and mentally i just feel dirty, its like i can feel the particles of dust and dirty or i feel sticky. when the interaction ends i just feel i need to shower or at least wash my hands while im at it. IT'S AWFUL and it's happened to me for as long as i can remember.

i don't know if this belong in the category of "burnout" but I've been searching every social media, forum or blog and i couldn't find a single person who can relate and idk i think i just need to know what is this feeling or even if it has a name??

[subtract-me-from-your-heart]

Gonna have to quit therapy for a while probably so that's fun

It's whatever I guess

[dumbsmartsapphic]

This album is great for the zoomies. It’s like funky jazz with some rock influences. Plus some songs sound like they should be part of a video game soundtrack. And just look at the cover art— you can’t tell me this was made for neurotypicals. Highly recommend.

(This is just my personal experience and as a ND musician I really want to know what how other ND people relate their music to their mental state. I personally find music, especially jazz, really soothing when I feel overwhelmed by sensory input and it’s helpful for when I get the adhd “galaxy brain”.)

[rebloggyspot]

black and white thinking

I have some feelings about how we talk about black and white thinking, but I wouldn't say I have thoughts about it. My feelings haven't quite solidified into an opinion or an understanding yet, which is why I want to write about it here. I'm trying to figure some shit out, okay?

When my therapist points out black and white thinking, I mostly feel grateful. It creates an opportunity to find a middle ground, to find an outlook that will best serve my goals, or to get as close to the truth of it as we can with the information available.

But when anyone else mentions black and white thinking to me, I have an emotional reaction that confuses me. It makes me think of a few different things:

pda (persistent demand for autonomy, previously known as pathological demand avoidance) --- like, am I reacting defensively because I feel like I'm being told what to do or because I feel like I'm being given unsolicited, something like that?

pathologization --- in these moments, I definitely feel like I'm being pathologized, like I'm being seen as autistic, that the person who's bringing up black and white thinking is diagnosing an unwanted symptom in me and their advice is the treatment. But what's so interesting about this to me is that I don't feel like that when my therapist brings it up. And I'm literally paying my therapist to look for symptoms in me and give advice as treatment!

I think the difference is that I've given my therapist permission to do this. I walk into each sessions expecting that kind of feedback. It's not unsolicited.

It makes me think about any time people who do therapy give advice to friends and family based on therapy knowledge. I do that all the time. I think I've tried to be tactful about it, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that I've made people feel pathologized.

I'm not sure what to take from this. It sounds like I'm convincing myself not to give out therapy advice, or to be more careful about it.

But there's another option I want to explore here. Is there a way for me to unpack that unpleasant feeling I've had in a way that will free me from it?

When someone I trust and respect brings up black and white thinking (and they're also autistic and also in therapy), aren't they saying it from a place of care? Why can't I feel grateful to them, the same way I do when my therapist brings up black and white thinking?

Maybe I can give permission in my mind for those kinds of interactions in the future, meaning the advice won't feel unsolicited. Hmmm...

I think the biggest thing going on here is that I don't think black and white thinking is always a bad thing, but I often feel like it has a purely negative connotation when it's brought up by a friend. Maybe that's part of the difference between hearing it from my therapist and hearing it from friends. I feel like my therapist and I are in agreement that it's not always a bad thing.

You'd think it would be the other way around... with my friends being the ones encouraging me to be delusional when it's in my best interest.

Why don't I think black and white thinking is always a bad thing? Idk. I guess it's usually a bad thing to see the world inaccurately. But that statement implies a belief in objectivity and I won't subscribe to that.

Black and white thinking.... hmm...

It's good sometimes. Or like, it's part of me. It's a part of my personality. Some of the pieces of myself that I like come from opinions that originated in black and white thinking and then guided my actions and interests until I became who I am.

Like I think there's a connection between how I experience special interests and black and white thinking. Engaging in a special interest often feels like letting black and white thinking run wild. It's a series of yes/no decisions, leading me on a research rabbit hole. It's a feeling of yes/no, leading me to decide what to do with my time. "Will this fill my heart right now?" No. Consider the next thing.

It's also a yes/no for "Is this still filling my heart right now?" once engaging in an interest. And giving myself permission to switch between interests, rewatching only the first 20 minutes of a movie before watching 10 minutes of a show, and then switching to something else.

It's an adhd & autism combination thing. It's wild and unhinged and beautiful and one of the only things that works when I'm trying to find a feeling of safety within a stressful day.

Bringing it back to the purpose of this blog, deciding whether or not to reblog something is also black and white thinking. It's yes/no again. In fact, decisions are black and white, aren't they? Like Schrodinger's cat, it's both or everything until it's just one thing.

Black and white thinking. Decisions.

I struggle with decisions so much. I've experienced so much pain and sorrow for how difficult it is to make decisions.

"What should I have for dinner?"

"Should I tell her I love her?"

So, when I am able to make a decision, I'm grateful. When I know how I feel and I can speak about it or act on it, it's a huge achievement.

And to be in a space with friends where I'm pouring my heart out, pushing through the social anxiety and probable overstimulation of whatever space we're occupying together, to hear feedback that's telling me not to be sure, not to make a decision -- it hurts. It feels like a betrayal. Is this my pda showing? Yes, I think so. But is that so bad? It's who I am.

This whole thing hurts my heart so much because the times when this has happened, my friend has my best interest at heart and honestly, it's advice I do want to hear. I listen and take in what they're saying. If they think I'm exhibiting black and white thinking and they're bringing it up to me, it's because they think I would benefit from reconsidering my view, adding some nuance. And they're right. They're usually right.

So, the next time this happens, I might experience some discomfort. And I'll allow myself to feel it while acknowledging my own joy for having made a decision, while reminding myself of the gratitude I have for a friend who cares about me enough to engage with my thought process so deliberately.

I guess this writing session was pretty useful after all.

[tikuri]

Can someone do something about the passage of time already?