red-wing-22

[red-wing-22]

Batkids early adoption au except it all happens in the same night (also Bruce Wayne is an idiot)

Picture this:

Bruce goes to the circus. A tragedy occurs. He starts walking back to his car with a freshly orphaned Dick Grayson clinging to his neck. He gets there only to find...

The tires are gone. All but one, which is in the process of being removed by a scrawny street kid named Jason Todd. The boy runs.

Bruce panics. He obviously can't let this poor, obviously homeless kid run off to get crimed in Crime Alley. Bruce does the only thing he can think of: he throws Dick like a pokeball. It works, sort of. Dick catches the kid, the kid catches a concussion.

Bruce panics harder.

He bundles the kids into the back of his car and hops in the drivers seat. "Hospital," he says to himself, "I can do this. I'm Batman."

"What?" Dick says.

"What?" Jason says.

"What?" Bruce says.

THUMP. They're interrupted by the sound of someone landing bodily on the roof.

Bruce stumbles out of the car to find Tim Drake doing the family guy death pose on top of his $400,000 Mercedes. Above them, a broken fire escape squeaks a threat of more violence. Bruce is distracted by it for only a second, but when he looks back down, Tim is already upright and setting off a camera in his face.

"Hi, Batman!" Tim grins. "I knew it was you."

Bruce blinks away the stars with a sigh and opens the back door again. Tim scrambles off the roof and wanders in.

Bruce now has three childr- wait when did that one get here? Cassandra Cain is wedged into the middle seat between Dick and Jason. She smiles at him sweetly.

"Who-" Bruce begins.

Someone wings a brick at them out of nowhere. Tim narrowly avoids further head trauma only because Bruce's dad reflexes activate in time to bat (ha!) it away. Bruce turns to see a little blonde girl sprinting off. He moves to catch her, but steps on Jason's discarded tire iron; it flips up and nails him in the balls. Stephanie Brown gets away.

Bruce realises, while he's writhing pitifully on the ground, that the car still has no tires.

He calls Alfred for help.

---

Four hours, a hospital visit, a whole lot of paperwork and one long phone call to CPS later, Bruce arrives home with four emergency foster kids in tow.

Talia Al Ghul is sitting in his living room with a baby carrier.

[red-wing-22]

Flash: Ok, hold up. What?!

Nightwing: Red hood was a Robin too. What is so confusing about that?

Wonder Woman: It's just.... A lot of things make so much more sense now.

Nightwing: Like what?

Flash: Well, we did wonder who the first Robin was. But it being Red hood makes so much sense. The anger issues should have given it away really.

Nightwing: Huh?

Wonder Woman: It is quite obvious once you see it. It also explains why Batman gave you the role of Robin. I mean, i can only imagine how painful it must have been to watch your partner turn to a life of crime. So he replaced him with you. And I must say, it was a good choice. You were one of my favourite Robins so far.

Nightwing: Wait, wait, wait! You guys think I was the second Robin?

Flash: Well duh. You've always been this ball of sunshine. Just like the second Robin. And now with the hood being the angry first robin and Red robin being the genius third, we now know what happend to all of you.

Nightwing: I... Oh god, J's gonna fucking lose it if he figures out you guys think he's the oldest.

Wonder Woman: Pardon?

Nightwing: Doesn't matter. What does matter though is that Redhood isn't the first robin. I was!

Flash:

Wonder Woman:

Nightwing:

Flash: Now hold on now! That can't be right!

[red-wing-22]

Teacher: Mr Wayne, thank you for coming in. We need to talk about Damian’s family tree project. Firstly, he is claiming his mother is Talia al Ghul, the renowned terrorist.

Bruce: Ah, yes, well she is.

Teacher: I'm sorry? You and her... None of my business. Now he claims his grandfather, uh, Ra's... He claims he is 687 years old. That can't be right.

Bruce: It's not. Me and him are in a disagreement about it. I think Ra's is only 679 but you know what Damian’s like.

Teacher: I... I guess so. Now in this section he did on his siblings, he has included Jason Todd, which I thought was very sweet of him only he. Well, he gives him one birth and death date and then he includes a 'rebirth' date and when I asked him about it... Mr Wayne, are you alright?

Bruce: *tearing up* He listed all his siblings. Even Tim!

[red-wing-22]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 7

Dick: oh yeah i see you guys, hold on coming in hot-

*grunt*

Dick: hey, who are we waiting for?

Damian: Hood is working on the other side of Gotham tonight, but we're still supposed to wait for father while he talks to Catwoman

Dick: *a groan* god, he always takes forever when he's talking to her, and i'm already bored!

Tim: yeah we've been waiting for twenty minutes.

Jasons, whispering: sucks to suck for you guys- oh SHIT-

*distant gunshots*

Dick, casual: did you just give away your position to insult us Jay?

Jason, strained: *gunshot* NO,

*more gunshots, a yelp*

*silence*

Dick: anyway i'm still bored.

Tim: wanna play a game me and Damian made up?

Dick: you two made up a game?

Tim: yeah after Damian messed up and accidentally revealed he was fun on the main line.

Damian: i don't know what you're talking about, i've never had fun in my life.

Tim: -we're calling it 'league days: yay or nay?'

Dick, amused: ok, what are the rules.

Tim: ok, so, the aim of the game is to find out stuff from Damian's league days, because he got up to a lot of insane shit over there. he wrote down any interesting experiences he could remember onto a bunch of cards and then got Jason to digitalize them into a randomizer,

Tim: and then we got Jason to come up with a bunch of fake experiences and mix them in with the real ones. Damian doesn't know what the fake ones are so he has no way to come up with stories beforehand. the rules are Damian has to use the app Jason made to shuffle a random card, read it out loud to us, and then we have to guess if it's real or fake. we can ask him questions about what the card says and he has to answer, and then we have to figure out if he's bullshitting or not.

Tim: Jason isn't allowed to play because obviously he was there for like, 90% of the truths.

Jason: but i am allowed to listen and laugh! fuck you guys by the way, i almost died and nobody checked up on me.

Damian: sucks to suck, Todd. are you playing, Grayson?

Dick, giggling: holy shit, yes, i'm in. read a card.

Damian: ok, hold on.

*a beat*

Damian: oh- *a strangled sigh*

Tim: you have to read it out loud!

Damian: i am!

Damian: 'when i was a child, Todd introduced me to pokemon games, and then convinced me that pokemon were real by painting a snail and telling me it was a very small magcargo. years later, this lie was then used to convince me that i should move to Gotham.'

Jason: *bursts out wheezing* OH MY GOD-

*continuous cackles*

Damian: we may have to mute him.

*more distant laughter*

Tim: please god, let this be true.

Dick, smothering giggles: and- oh my god- and we get to ask questions?

Damian, resigned: ask away.

Tim: so- hmm.

Dick: *wheeze*

Tim: the reason you came to Gotham...?

Dick, wetly: yeah that's- that's what i think we need clarification on. Jason... Jason told you pokemon were real, and then...?

Damian: so i was around five years old, and had never played a video game before, and Todd came back from a mission with one of those handheld consoles and an old pokemon game loaded in.

Tim: what, and he told you it was real?

Damian: he told me it was based on reality and that it was just very rare to see pokemon in real life, especially in the area that the compound was in. to be fair i'd never left, so i had no way to confirm that or not.

Dick: still though, painting a snail got you to believe it?

Damian: it was- i-

*a sigh*

Damian: it was a fairly competent art project.

Jason: *starts laughing again*

Tim: see this is a hard one, because i don't know if he's laughing because of how proud he is that he did it, or because of how funny he finds his own lie. he makes shit up all the time.

Dick: this is genuinely a tough game, what the fuck. ok. how did this correlate with you coming to Gotham? i thought Talia sent you?

Damian: my mother gave me the option of going to Gotham to train with Batman, or to go into hiding with her and help during the league uprisings. i was unsure at the time because i had never met father before and didn't know what it would entail, but Todd obviously knew i would be safer coming to Gotham with him when he returned, so he took it upon himself to convince me to choose Batman.

Jason: *high pitched weeping*

Tim: see- SEE DAMIAN'S SMILING, i feel like he wouldn't find it funny if it was true, he'd just be angry that he'd ever fallen for it.

Damian: not necessarily. Todd has a very infectious laugh, i could just find his odd squeaking entertaining. you cannot base your answer on that.

Dick: so did you come to Gotham because he told you that there would be pokemon to see or something?

Damian: he told me that team rocket was active in Gotham, and that they were abusing pokemon. i have a fondness for animals, so obviously this angered me and i wanted to intercept.

Tim: it- *wheeze* it angered you-,

Jason: *silent gasps of laughter*

Dick: and what happened when- like, how did you find out he'd lied to you?

Damian: i figured it out on the boat to Gotham, about a day's journey away, and i was so infuriated that i pushed his motorcycle off the boat and sunk it. we were actually- it made us late, we were a day later than expected coming into Gotham because i sunk our ride from the boat to the city and we had to take public transport.

Dick: see but thats- like you told me before that the journey from the compound took two weeks, i can't imagine you being outside the compound for two whole weeks and not clocking that pokemon didn't exist in the real world.

Damian: i was busy with other things

Tim: bullshit, you literally said it was the reason you went!

*ping*

Bruce: apologies for the delay, i am three minutes out from your location. does anybody have any info on Red Hood? i've received reports that he may have been dosed with laughing gas. does he need backup?

Tim: he's fine, he's just an ass.

Jason, still struggling to breathe: ok- ok B's gonna ruin it now so i'm calling it. you have to choose, yay or nay?

Dick: THIS IS SO HARD!

Bruce: what's going on?

Tim: *groaning* god i so want it to be true... but i just don't buy the two week thing. i think you would have figured it out sooner.

Dick: i'm with Tim. i gotta go with nay. it's a lie.

Jason: *laughs slightly* *high pitched* alright, Damian. yay or nay, did this happen?

*silence*

Damian: *deep sigh* as much as i really wish it hadn't, this one was true. i did indeed, for a solid half a decade, believe that pokemon were real.

Dick: WHA-

Tim: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS-?!

Jason: *bursts out laughing again* *cheering*

Damian: i should have never agreed to play this game again.

Bruce: what on earth did i just come in on...?

[red-wing-22]

Red Hood Au

Red Hood before he reveals himself, decides to fuck with the bats one day when he comes upon Batman and Spoiler arguing and she yells “your not my dad, you can’t tell me what to do!”

Red Hood gleefully throws out “His my dad and he can’t even tell me what to do.”

Batman/Spoiler: What

Red Hood: did mom not warn you about me?

Spoiler: WHOSE YOUR MOM!? (She is delighted to have all the gossip first)

Red Hood: Talia

ex.Batman.has stopped working

Spoiler: who???

Red Hood: *points finger* I like you

Later

Dick: TALIA AL’GHUL, ARE YOU CRAZY!?

Bruce: *tiny whisper* she said she had a miscarriage

Tim: wait how old does this make him!?

Bruce: He shouldn’t be as old as he is now

Tim: is he like Kon? Made older in a lab?

Bruce: Talia wouldn’t do that

Dick: Talia would 100% do that.

(Also yes Jason 100% called Talia to warn her about what he did. Shes ignoring Bruce’s calls.)

[red-wing-22]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 6

Jason: hey, Nightwing, you still on this line?

Dick: *slightly strained* yeah hey, we're here, what's up? i thought you and Red Robin were on a stakeout?

Jason: yeah we just got a question, we're trying to settle a debate.

Dick: go for it.

Jason: Tim asked which terrorist attack i thought had the most 'aura', and now we're arguing over their different aesthetics.

Dick: oh for fucks sake.

Jason: now i said- what the fuck's that reaction for?

Dick: you guys have got to stop having those kinds of conversations on patrol, dude. last week Vicky Vale released an article about how Robin and Red Robin were recorded by civilians discussing which rogues were most likely to be transphobic.

Damian: i still believe Joker would be an ally.

Dick: -shut up Robin. one of these days you guys're gonna get us all cancelled on twitter.

*a few beats of silence*

Jason: ok so anyway, i said 9/11,

Dick, groaning: Hood.

Damian: what's 9/11?

Jason: ...sorry what?

Damian: 9/11. what is it.

Dick: *loud sigh* just a reminder, Robin, we're supposed to be tracking a drug cartel right now.

Jason: shut the fuck up Dick he doesn't know what 9/11 is- TIM FUCK OFF stop trying to use my com, join the call yourself!

Tim, very distantly: TELL HIM I HAVE A POWERPOINT ON ALL THE CONSPIRACIES, TELL HIM- *grunt*

Jason: -said fuck OFF. Damian we really need to have a conversation about what exactly the league's education for you entailed, because a lot of stuff got left out.

Damian: is this going to be like when you taught me about the omegaverse? because i didn't like that. Nightwing i found the truck by the way, pinging you my location.

Dick: hold on- fuck the drug cartel, Hood you told him about the omegaverse?!

*a beat*

Dick: did he just fucking disconnect from the line-?!

[red-wing-22]

I really do love that Batman is supposed to be this super strict and tough badass who has his rules and doesn’t budge on them for shit; to the point where unless they get express permission, the metas that literally make up his superhero team and closest companions aren’t even allowed to step foot in his city.

and then his kids come along and his entire backbone just falls apart at the seams.

Tim, walking into the cave and interrupting an online JL meeting: sorry just grabbing the bleach!

Bruce, pausing: what do you need bleach for?

Tim: oh, Jason killed another guy and wants help with the cleanup.

Bruce:

The JL, who know Batman as the strict ‘no kill guy’:

Bruce:

Bruce: …but just one? he only killed one, right?

Tim: yeah.

Bruce:

Bruce: bleach is over there

JL: ?!?!?!

-

Superman, video calling Bruce: i know you don’t allow metas in Gotham, but there’s a crossover between a job i’m on in Metropalis and a deal i believe to be going down in Gotham, so i was hoping that-

Bruce: no. send me the case, i’ll sort it. stay out of my city.

Superman: Bruce-

Duke appearing in the background of the call: B! COME LOOK AT THIS SHIT, I FIGURED OUT A NEW WAY TO USE MY POWERS!

Bruce: that’s great, chum! I’ll be right there!

Superman:

-

Batman: I will not have guns in my household.

Damian: you understand that both Pennyworth and Drake have firearms in the manor, correct?

Batman:

The JLA:

Batman: when did Tim get a gun?

Damian: when Todd took him and I to a shooting range and gifted us them.

Batman:

Batman: …you have a gun too?

Damian: i do.

Batman: but not in the manor right?

Damian: of course not.

Batman: oh thank g-

Damian, pulling out a handgun: i keep mine on me

Batman: oh my god-

[red-wing-22]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 1

Jason: yeah me and B are on ok terms now,

Dick: oh you guys are getting along-?

Jason: well we’re doing ok, I’m not mad at him anymore.

Dick: thought you wanted him to kill the Joker?

Jason: i did, but then like last week i went to the manor and i saw him smash the coffee machine with a hammer because it didn’t fill his mug enough; and i just don’t think he’d be a good killer.

Dick: *light wheeze* because he broke the coffee machine?

Jason: well it was just- *cracked grin* he gets- he gets angry, you know? and he’s not good at self control? like that machine did nothing and he just destroyed it. and i was just thinking about how, like, he decided that adopting kids was an acceptable thing to do, and now he has like eleven of us,

Dick: *silent cackles*

Jason: like he can’t see a kid without thinking ‘wonder if i can draft this one’. i think if we managed to convince him killing was ok it wouldn’t go well. he’d just keep doing it.

Dick: *through laughter* because of no self control?

Jason: yeah, like once he crosses that line he’d probably step over it at any minor inconvenience. he gets addicted and he gets mad at a lot of things.

Dick: so B shouldn’t kill?

Jason: no.

Dick: but you can?

Jason: well i- *wheeze* i have practice honing the rage, i don’t kill for stupid reasons. *pause* apart from that one time.

Dick, audibly amused: what time?

Jason: i sneezed and accidentially pressed the trigger.

Dick: *loud cackles*

Jason: i felt bad, man, like his cat was there-

Dick: *falls off his chair*

Jason: how are you this apathetic.

Dick: is that where Damian’s new cat came from?

Jason: it’s not like i could just leave it there!

Dick: i thought i saw trauma in it’s eyes. it had that wartime stare.

Jason: the blood spattered right across its fur. i had to bathe it.

Dick: Damian thinks it has anxiety

Jason: anxiet- dude it has more than anxiety, it has fucking PTSD-

Dick: *wheezes harder*

[red-wing-22]

Lois Lane opened the front door to her home, being greeted by a man with black hair and a white streak in the middle who was holding a sledgehammer. He, Jason, waved at her with a smile.

Lois: Am I being kidnapped today? If so, can I finish editing my report about the town ice sculpture contest?

Jason: No, that's not why I'm here. Are you Clark Kent's wife?

Lois: Yes.

Jason (surprised): Wow, how did he manage to get someone like you? You're gorgeous and smart. I read your Pulitzer article before coming here.

Lois (prideful tone): I was born with brains and beauty, thank you, and we've known each other for a long time. I love the big dork. I'm guessing you're from Gotham, right?

Jason: What gave it away?

Lois (seeing Jason's Wayne Tech motorcycle): Just a hunch. What brings you to Metropolis?

Jason: Cutting to the chase, your husband is also Superman. I have some bad blood with him, long story involving my death, and it's around that time I do something to inconvenience him. So I took this sledgehammer to his mailbox, remembered he managed to trick someone into marrying him, and wanted to give you a heads up so you don't think I work for Lex Luthor or something.

Lois (used to this): I always hated that mailbox, so this gives me the chance to switch it out. Would you like to come in for a drink and explain why you're angry at my husband?

Jason: Sure, I'm actually thirsty.

Lois: Leave the sledgehammer outside.

Jason (placing the weapon by the door's entrance): Don't want weapons in the house, understandable. You're not going to call the cops, are you?

Lois: Oh no, I carry a gun if you try to attack me. I just live for the drama of superhero life and need to learn about this.

Lois let Jason in while pulling out her cell phone and dialing Clark's number.

Lois (talking to her husband): Yeah, that kid you pissed off is here. Bring Bruce and snacks.

[red-wing-22]

You know how Dick gives everyone hugs like an octopus, what if his hugging habits rubbed off on everyone else. Like everyone just clings to Bruce's legs, arms, and the like.

Before Jason came home, Bruce was the tallest, and Dick was the one initiating these hugs. Basicly Dick has shown everyone that whenever anyone wants to get picked up, they all go climb Bruce.

One day, a few days after Jason agreed to stay at the manor long-term. Bruce pulls Jason over to the side.

Bruce, whispering: There's something you need to know if you're gonna stay here– Jason, in his normal voice, cause why the hell is he whispering in his own home: Yeah yeah no killing, rubber bullet yahda yahda Bruce: No it's not that I trust you not to kill people. It's about the others. Jason half distracted: huh, what about the others? Bruce trying to find a polite way to talk about his children: ah well you see they really like hugs– Jason: you pulling over to warn me about hugs?  Really old man? You've lost your edge Bruce ‘I love my children’ Wayne: When I say they like hugs, I mean that in a kinda kaola demon way Jason cracking: Really is that what they are? God Bruce this is a new low I thought you wanted stay here? Bruce: I do! More than anything but I wanted to warn you– Jason: that children like hugs? Cause who could had thought of that. Bruce with a very serious expression: yes that but you dont understand– they, they climb Jason: What the shit are you talking now? Bruce: They climb me and latch on. They climb the doorframe of the manor to jump on me, they koala onto me in the damn batsuit, and now I fear they will climb you. Jason: oook, and how did you decide this? Bruce: Jaylad, you're taller than me and almost as much bulk in their eyes; you're a freaking Jungle gym. Jason: What about Dick? He's not that much shorter than you? Bruce: Who do you think started this?!

[red-wing-22]

"Look kid— i need to close the lazarus pit, if it stays open, your grandfather will rot away far more than he already has." Danny, tired of this situation, explained somehwat calmly to the smallest bird of the bats.

"What! No! You can't. Who cares about my grandfather, the lazarus pit has my fishes inside!"

What.

Vaguely concerned, Nightwing crouches down to the kid. "Robin, what do you mean?"

"That's what I said. Whenever one of my fish died, back then, I'd put them into the pit. They live in there now, immortal."

Danny remains speechless for a moment.

"Wait- what the fuck? The ghost fish are YOURS?"

[red-wing-22]

*arguing about who is most robin-like*

Damian: robins reguarly fight to the death to defend their home. i am the most territorial, therefore i fit the bird mantle more accurately,

Tim, lazily: robins are also omnivores, so you’re out, you fucking vegan

Damian: i am vegetarian not vegan you utter-

Steph, googling: apparently robins are monogamous and mate for life. so. like.

Dick:

Steph: Dick’s out.

Dick: you’re mean.

Tim: this forum says that robins die really young and only really tend to live to like, five or six.

Dick:

Steph:

Damian:

Tim: …so…

Everyone: *slowly turns to look at Jason, who’s busy reading a book*

Jason: *looks back at them, incredulous*

Jason: oh come on- i’m not even a part of this debate, how am i STILL catching strays?!

Dick: we’re saying you’re the most robin like-!

Jason: FOR GETTING CAUGHT BY A PREDATOR.

Damian: oh god, i’ve already been Robin for two years. how long do you think i have left?

Jason: you guys are assholes

Tim: stop making everything about you Jason, Damian might DIE soon.

Jason: ?!?

[red-wing-22]

Dick: Okay, so with Bruce being on a mission with the Justice League, we need someone to be Batman.

Jason: So you just be Batman again

Damian: Actually, I strongly disagree with that arrangement

Tim: Don't tell me.... you think you should be Batman?

Damian: No, I'm aware I don't have the same attitude to be Father

Jason: really?... just the attitude?

Damian: I believe Cain should be Batman

Cassandra: Oh?

Dick: Umm.... Dami, I don't think-

Damian: Think about it. Grayson is too nice, Jason has way too much pent-up anger

Jason: Fuck you.

Damian: And well Drake is just..... Drake

Tim: Wow...

Damian: Cain is the only person who can match Father to a T.

Dick: There are many reasons why she can't be-

Jason: No, no, no, Dick. The demon child has a point

Dick: ..... um, okay then

(Later thar night)

Penguin: About time you showed up-

Cassandra (in Bat suit): You'll pay for your crimes

Penguin: ..... the hell am I looking at?

Robin: What?

Penguin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT? WHO IS THIS?

Red Hood: Batman, duh

Penguin: No, don't do that

Nightwing: Don't do what? This is Batman

Penguin: That's obviously a teenage girl

The Batkids: (gasps loudly and in sync)

Penguin: WHAT?!

Red Hood: How dare you assume his gender.

Robin: During Pride Month, too

Red Robin: (shaking his head) and here I thought you were an alley

Penguin: okay no just take me in

[red-wing-22]

i like to think that at the league of assassins jason used to get so bored of having no access to media/tv that he would just compensate by singing excessively every theme tune/pop culture song he knew whenever he was working/training, which means damian probably knew all these pop culture references already when he got to gotham, except when tim puts on the tv and he hears a popular ad jingle play during commercials he doesn’t get a fun ‘oh haha i recognise that tune’ moment instead its him hearing an ed sheeran song and having a rapid war flashback to watching jason viscerally rip the heads off a group of about 20 men attempting to harm damian while dancing and singing fucking Starlord, Guardians of the Galaxy style.

dick, humming as he makes toast: dontcha’ know, i’m still standin, betta than i eva did~

damian, experiencing both nostalgia and confusion at the same time: why are you singing a battle cry? we are in the kitchen.

tim: did you just call one of the songs from the Sing soundtrack a fucking battle cry?

damian:

damian: what’s Sing.

[red-wing-22]

‘Jason goes to Gotham and kills the Joker himself’ ‘Jason asks Talia to kill the Joker and she does so as a token of trust and good parentage’ NO Jason won’t stop fucking whining about how Batman won’t kill the Joker and how unfair it is and Ra’s gets so annoyed listening to him that he bumps Joker off himself just to get his daughter’s new pet project to shut the fuck up

Batman has no idea why halfway through a standard Joker special of glitter, guns, and ‘im going to blow up this bank!’ fucking Ra’s Al Ghul himself stormed into the room, looked incredibly annoyed to even be there, snapped the Joker’s neck in one fell swoop, and then stormed back out and disappeared while angrily muttering something about how ‘we better be able to finish this fucking meeting in peace now- swear to fucking GOD that boy is annoying-‘

he’s honestly so baffled at Ra’s appearing in Gotham in the first place that he doesn’t manage to save the Joker, and Ra’s refuses to even acknowledge any attempts at asking why the fuck he decided to do that. it becomes Gotham’s greatest mystery, and Ra’s doesn’t realise until he gets back home that he just made the biggest mistake of his life; teaching Jason that whining about his problems will lead Ra’s to take care of them for him.

[red-wing-22]

The urban fantasy show I actually want to see is a hospital drama with a dedicated wing for supernatural illnesses.

Vampirism. Lycanthropy. Cheap spells gone wrong. A woman brought in for her prenatal has to be told her baby is a lindworm. Someone is literally being followed by the anthropomorphic personification of the Black Death.

Someone somewhere out there is having their perception of the world irreparably shattered by the knowledge that magic is real, and at the other side is a team of doctors who have to roll their eyes and pull out Grimm’s Complete Fairy Tales because some high school kid tried to go Carrie with a cheap spellbook and turn all the kids at prom into frogs, and the doctors have to wrangle a couple dozen teenagers into admitting if they have a true love who can break the spell.

[red-wing-22]