redheadbigshoes

[redheadbigshoes]

This will probably piss off some of you but a lot of bi sapphics are more worried about silencing lesbians and lesbophobia with the biphobic card than you actually care about fighting biphobia.

[redheadbigshoes]

even having to write the “i promise this isnt about asexuals” “i promise this doesnt apply to trauma related stuff” is so sad imo bc why are people so eager to jump to the worst possible interpretation if you dont carve out every single exception. its tiresome

Unfortunately a lot of people are like that, especially when it comes to lesbians. It’s tiring feeling the need to justify myself so people won’t incorrectly assume what I am talking about.

I felt the need to emphasize all that since I came across someone talking about the same thing on Tiktok and I saw the hatred they got even though, just like me, they weren’t talking about any of those cases (asexual sapphics, trauma related…)

[redheadbigshoes]

Thank you so much! That’s really puts my mind at ease! 🥰 I will follow your advice and I also get that she does work and we’re both adults that have lives so I get that.

And oh no! Maybe I worded it wrong what I mean is what she meant is as a lesbian it is isolating since it is few of us, but she thinks you don’t only need lesbian friends to not feel isolated and people still can empathize with us without being the same as us. If that make sense? What do you think about that?

-🍓

You’re welcome! I’m glad I could help.

Ohh that makes more sense hahah well I do think every lesbian needs at least one lesbian friends who can understand both our attraction to women but also our lack of attraction to men, and though non-lesbians can definitely empathize with us to some extent, it will never be exactly the same as someone who actually lives those experiences. But I also think it really depends on each person, there’s probably lesbians out there who don’t feel the need to have lesbian friends and that’s okay.

[redheadbigshoes]

Some sapphics seem to not want to give during sex when it comes to a person with a vagina because they’re grossed about the genitals and… I think in some cases that’s internalized misogyny and you should definitely unpack that.

I am not talking about asexual sapphics.

I am not talking about pillow princesses who have suffered some kind of trauma or anything like that.

I am talking very specifically about people who seem to think a vagina is gross the same way a lot of men do…

[redheadbigshoes]

Some of you go so far left you end up going right.

[redheadbigshoes]

Hey! I need some dating advice and I’m 26 year old lesbian. I went on my first date with another lesbian on tinder and it went really great and we had sushi and walked near the lake in the city and she said she liked me and wanted a second date with me and it’s at the pride parade. She a great communicator and is more extroverted than me and we could really relate a lot and sets boundaries up really well. We did talk about our lesbianism and she did say I don’t want to only have lesbian friends who understand me to not feel isolated but she doesn’t want other people being lesbian is all who she is and how do you feel about that? And we are having our second date at the pride parade and I’m excited about it!

Maybe it’s just me overthinking, but it’s been 3 days we haven’t texted until our second date this weekend and I was wondering is that normal? I really like her a lot and it’s been a long time I really been on a date and I don’t want to mess anything up. Can I be the 🍓 anon?

Ps, I really love your blog and thank you for standing up for us lesbians! ♥️♥️🥹

Hii! I’m happy for you and that your first date went well!

I don’t know if I quite understand what she told you. Did she say she doesn’t want to only have lesbian friends? Or did she say you don’t want to have lesbian friends?

Not everyone texts every single day, especially at the beginning! My girlfriend and I were a bit like that at first, in our case she’s a bit anxious so she’d overthink about what to talk about when the conversation died but not actually message again, so I made an effort to try to bring up different subjects so we could keep talking, and once I saw that her not messaging back wasn’t due to lack of interest, it made me more comfortable bringing up random subjects to talk about because I’d see she liked that.

Idk if it’s something you’re up do to, but I usually like sending random tiktoks (or in my gf’s case: ig reels) to keep talking about different things. It’s just an idea that might not be seen as you trying to talk to her but just reminding of her. But also you could just message her with something like “heyy, are you still up for our date?” or something like that

Yeah, you can! Someone used to claim that emoji but they disappeared lol so it’s fine to use that one.

Thank you for interacting with my blog! ❤️

[redheadbigshoes]

Perhaps a hot take but at this point the word biphobic is being so overused - especially when it’s not even something/someone biphobic - that people misusing this term so much contribute way more for biphobia than the people they’re calling biphobic.

If you keep overusing that word like that, you realize people are going to start doubting EVEN when it’s a situation that actually involves biphobia, right? You throwing that word around to silence other minorities are only contributing for more biphobia.

Congrats 🥰

[redheadbigshoes]

There’s certain race discussions that you just KNOW it’s started because of an American.

[redheadbigshoes]

There’s a lot of lesbophobia in the trans community.

There’s a lot of lesbophobia in the aro/ace community.

There’s a lot of lesbophobia in the gay community.

There’s a lot of lesbophobia in the bi community.

There’s even an incredible amount of lesbophobia in the lesbian community.

I feel like we don’t talk enough about that. Every queer identity - without exception - suffers prejudice from inside the community. When are we going to stop pretending there is just one identity that gets invalidated and hated both by the LGBTQ+ community and by allo cishets?

[redheadbigshoes]

Lesbians having valid criticisms and being frustrated with some bisexuals being lesbophobic isn’t inherently biphobic.

A lot of you pretend like y’all are so perfect and can’t be as prejudiced as the mean lesbians you claim are being biphobic, but no identity in the LGBTQ+ community is immune from being prejudiced.

[redheadbigshoes]

trans men identifying as lesbians because they used to identify as one before transitioning <<<< trans men and lesbians being two different communities that stand together in solidarity because of shared experiences

^^^

[redheadbigshoes]

I feel like cis queer m-spec attracted people need a little self awareness. Cis m/f relationships will still have more benefits than same-sex relationship or a paring where one is not cis.

For example a cis queer person can go to a country where gay marriage is illegal and still get married if they happen to marry a another cis queer person of the opposite sex or a cishet person.

If a landlord personally doesn't like that you are in a same-sex relationship they can just harass the couple until they move out.

Or young adults in high-school can get scrutinize if they dance together at a school dance or prom. Gay teachers are probably still asked to not have a family photo of them and their spouse on their desk.

Then the fact that in some places for trans people to get married they would have to ignore their trans identity or fulfill the requirements to meet the conditions to legally be recognized as that sex before marriage and sometimes that is not possible for them.

The general negative bias against same-sex relationships still exist and alot of personal interactions are heavily effected by this.

A little self awareness from cis queers with opposite attraction is not too much to ask for.

You’re so right. A lot of us are simply asking mspec people, especially the ones in a cis m/f relationship, to recognize their privilege of being able to be in a relationship that’s accepted by society while being genuinely fulfilled.

A lot of them don’t seem ready to understand a couple of things:

1) Recognizing that privilege doesn’t automatically make them less queer, there’s no such thing as “less queer”. Everyone in the community has their privileges in comparison to other people, not just mspec people.

2) Truly being able to acknowledge this is a huge privilege isn’t a “competition”, as a lot of them like to say. It is so damn important the ability to reflect about our privileges because this makes us more capable of empathizing with someone who doesn’t get the same privilege, to empathize with people who have different experiences.

Turning things into a competition would be to try to silence someone’s experiences and struggles by bringing up another issue as if the other issue is more important or valid than someone else’s.

We will never be able to actually listen to each other and fight prejudice inside the community until we listen to each other’s privileges and empathize with each other’s struggles.

[redheadbigshoes]

hey, so the whole trans men in lesbian spaces discourse is crazy imo. though i’d share i have no lesbian or chronically online friends.

like trans men definitely belong in queer spaces or trans spaces, but lesbian spaces are literally lesbian spaces and trans men cannot be lesbians without invalidating their own gender identity?

how come there is any discourse in the community lesbians are always fucking involved?!?!?!

also do you think m/f relationships are queer if people in them are queer? cause to me it’s bs. like people in it can be queer like bi woman with a man, but the relationship isn’t… anyway can i be 🎸 anon??? didn’t check if it was taken before writing all this outtt

The community always tries to insert lesbians in every single discourse 😭 and we’re always the villains.

Honestly I think I’d consider a m/f relationship queer if both people were trans (or at least one of them). Because even if we’re talking about a cis m/f who’s not hetero, the relationship itself still isn’t queer imo, there’s nothing revolutionary about a cis man and a cis woman in a romantic/sexual monogamous relationship, and I can’t think of how the relationship itself in this case would classify as queer. And if we’re talking about a trans m/f relationship I think the couple being trans is an aspect that still impacts their relationship and how society views them.

And ofc you can be 🎸!

[redheadbigshoes]

Het partnered bisexual women make up a massive majority of sapphics (80% of bi women are het partnered and like 90% of sapphics are Bi) and still feel like the biggest victim when lesbians don’t center them and spend all their time validating them. I’m sick of it, we need to be done groveling to this.

Exactly.

For some reason they feel the most oppressed lol

[redheadbigshoes]

The LGBTQ+ community is all about fighting certain prejudices until it’s lesbians wanting to speak on lesbianism and lesbophobia, then a lot of you act all like “talk about real issues” or “stop infighting” or “you’re being [insert phobic]”

[redheadbigshoes]

Saying “non-men” centers men is like saying being vegan centers meat. It’s just a term that specifies the exclusion of men, excluding isn’t centering. People are so stupid it hurts

I do believe it doesn’t exactly center men, but I also understand why some people might not be comfortable using that description to describe women and nonbinary people.

[redheadbigshoes]

Reminder that while fem lesbians do benefit from the privilege of being “straight passing” in terms of looks, that doesn’t mean people respect our sexuality.

They respect us until they know we’re lesbians. As another lesbian said and I quote “they love us because they think we’re straight”.

Those homophobes only “respect” us because they don’t take our sexuality seriously, they think we either will eventually grow out of it or they simply don’t believe we’re lesbians.

A lot of men don’t really respect our sexuality, they just don’t feel personally challenged by it.

I think said “invisibility” (being straight passing) is a privilege when it comes to people not assuming we’re lesbians (or any other lgbt identity), but it also comes with being more vulnerable to be sexually harassed or assaulted by men (at least in my experience).