rottingashtray - Tumblr blog

[rottingashtray]

Life & Death :

What is the meaning of life? How do we live life to the fullest knowing that one day death will follow and all we’re doing is living to die..

Each year we grow a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and yet we’re one step closer to death's door never knowing when that day will come.

Our journey first starts when we take our first breath, the little cry that fills our lungs with air bringing us to life outside the womb.

We then start to take our first steps, and with every step we continue to grow as the days pass, not thinking about death or when it will come, until someone you love and cherish is gone.

At a young age, we don’t understand death. We know the person is gone,but it doesn’t affect us like it does when we’re older.

We see the people cry, and wonder why they’re so sad because at that age, we knew somehow they were happier in Heaven, but now that we’re older we grieve, sometimes to the point it makes us sick and unable to get out of bed.

We know that they're happier, sure, but that doesn’t make it any easier on us.

All the memories that we shared with that person, we hold on to them dearly because that's all we have left.

For some of us, we push the memories back. It’s not because we want to forget about that person. It’s because it’s too painful to relive.

Then the days pass, and you begin healing, or more so coping with that person not being there any longer, and then it happens again, and you're back to square one.

You see, death is a beautiful tragedy.

It's tragic for us because we have to feel the pain and the emptiness, but for them it’s beautiful because they don’t feel that pain or emptiness anymore.

Like the moment when we take in that breath when we’re born where our journey started, the same breath we breathed leaves us, and our life's journey may end, but a new journey begins.

We’re greeted with the ones who we’ve lost before, and we feel nothing but love, happiness, and security. Knowing that we’ll never have to depart from them again, and all that’s left to do is to wait for the ones we left behind with open arms.

So, what is the meaning of life? To die or to live through one journey so that we can make it to the next.

[rottingashtray]

❤︎︎Just the Two of Us. ❤︎︎

Zombie AU!

🔞⚠️CW: NSFW | HEAVY ANGST ⚠️🔞

- TBC -

First Collab with a friend on Twitter.

Their user on twitter : skypurrrrr

My user : rokidishi

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I.

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Four years. It’s been four years, and Izuku can still remember every detail of that day. Down to the last minor detail. He can remember the sounds of screaming. The gun shots. The evil, blood thirsty eyes of the dead as they made their way to him. He was luckily saved by the army. He was plopped into a safe place. Or so they called it. He was separated from his mother at this time, and even to this day, he still hasn’t seen her. The ‘safe place’ was soon raided by others. He remembered vaguely catching a glimpse of familiar blonde hair in the choas. But it disappeared as soon as he saw it.

Once he escaped that disaster, he was on his own with only a worn yellow backpack. He traveled alone for a while. Found another settlement. Go figure they turned out to be cannibals. After narrowly escaping that place, he decided to travel on his own indefinitely.

He did good on his own. Hunting. Gardening. He found an old house that he stumbled upon in the wood, ways away from civilization. Four years.

He spent four years in his own in the forest, but it was a harsh winter. His plants weren’t growing. He had to brave the city for food.

Now, here he is, stuck in the bathroom in a gas station with a hoard of the undead banging at the locked door as his frantic green eyes search for an exit. He could only pray for a miracle.

Just when he thought all hope was lost, he heard a loud voice boom.

"Hey, you bastards, over here!"

-

-

-

When the outbreak happened, Katsuki traveled with Kirishima for the first two years until a massive hoard separated them, forcing them to go their separate ways.

Katsuki had gone back to search for Kirishima weeks after the attack but never found a sign of him.

He now traveled on his own, scavenging for things to help him survive, killing the undead creatures and looking for survivors.

He began to think he was on his own and that he was the only person alive left in this world. That was until now, a hoard of zombies where surrounding a gas station, and to his knowledge, that could only mean one thing.

A survivor.

His eyes scanned for higher ground landing on semi truck, Katsuki ran towards it, climbing on top of the hood.

"Hey, you bastards, over here!" He yelled at them, pulling out his gun shooting and knocking the undead down one by one.

Izuku heard shouting and gunfire. He knew it was another survivor, and with his experience, that meant he was about to get raided for everything he had and then left for dead after. He slowly opened the bathroom door, peeking out. Outside the gas station dirty window, he could see the figures of the undead fall one by one. He couldn’t see the person that was taking out all of these monsters, but he didn’t want to stick around and find out.

He looked around some more, making sure the coast was clear before stepping out with careful and calculated footsteps so as not to alert that other person of his existence.

‘Slow and steady’ Izuku thought. ‘One step at a time. There's no need to rush..’

The whole time Izuku was escaping, Katsuki continued to slay the creatures when his eyes caught the figure slowly walking away slowly.

After he killed the last zombie, he slid off of the semi truck and jogged over to where the figure had been.

He had lost him, "Shit." He exclaimed aloud. He continued to search for him, finally seeing the person he had saved, trying to sneak away through a line of trees.

"OI," He called out, jogging over to the figure. As he got closer, his eyes widened.

He knew this figure. He'd known this figure for years.

"Deku?"

Izuku stopped dead in his tracks. He hasn’t heard that nickname in so long that he almost didn’t recognize it. He felt his chest tighten, and he didn’t know if it was from excitement or even more fear. Him and Katsukis past hasn’t been the best.

Yet his heart thumped loudly in ears as his throat began to feel very tight with emotion.

He was sure out of all the people to find out here, izuku wasn’t one of the people on the top of the blondes list.

He slowly and very carefully turned around, raising his hands up so he doesn’t seem like he had any ill intentions. “Kacchan…” his own voice came out weak and foreign. When was the last time he even spoke? He can’t recall.

Katsuki stared at the green haired boy, different emotions flowing through his body. He didn't expect the one survivor he would tumble on after years of human interaction to be Izuku. He didn't even expect that the green haired boy would survive the first year, let alone, four. He was by no means upset that izuku was the one he ran into. He was just shocked.

His body acted on its own against his own will, Katsuki jumped forward and pulled Izuku into a hug.

His eyes widened in shock at the sudden reunion.

Sure, long ago, before all of this started, Izuku got on his nerves, but now. It was different. Things weren't the same as that used to be.

He wasn't the same.

At the feel of the blondes sudden embrace, shocked Izuku at first. The act of kindness from the blonde made his mind spiral but the warmth and heat from another living body, along with the steady thump of another heart beat melted whatever stone persona he had built up until this point.

He hugged Katuski back tightly, finally letting all the pent-up emotions go as he sobbed loudly into the blondes chest . All the tears he shed were for the relief he felt to finally find a familiar face. For being thankful that this wasn’t a stranger who was going to take all his stuff, and because he hasn’t been held in such a long time It made him remember all those years he took being touched and heard for granted.

It didn’t matter what Katsuki had done in the past. Things were different. The world was different.

Things like petty grudges didn’t matter anymore. In a world that is dying, izuku finally finds a light of hope.

Katsuki held Izuki tighter, not wanting to let go. He buried his face into his neck, and tears began to weld up into his eyes.

Soon enough, rain started to poor down, and the blonde pulled away, placing his hands on Izuku shoulders staring into his eyes.

"We need to find shelter from the storm." Katsuki spoke up.

Izuku wipes his his eyes with the heel of his hand and nods. He was now getting drenched in freezing cold rain, which soured his mood. He didn’t want to get sick. Especially with medicines running low, and he was just figuring out how to make his own.

He processed Katsukis' words and realized the blonde must not have anywhere else to go. Not a shelter or a civilization.

“I have a place.” Izuku raises his voice to be heard over the rain. “It’s not far from here.” As he spoke, steam appeared with each word as his breath met the cold, crisp air.

He pointed to the forest. “That way.” He had no idea why he was telling katsuki this. He could just run and disappear. Live in his own as he always had. Being all by himself, there were never any complicated emotions or constant fear that you might be betrayed.

But also, the thought of being alone again made Izuku very depressed.

Katsuki nodded and began to follow behind Izuku as the two walked towards the forrest. Glancing over at Izuku every once in a while and back at the surroundings.

The undead didn't come out during the rain much, so it was the best time to search for resources, but the risk of getting sick in this cold with lack of medicine was risky.

Katsuki looked at Izuku studying his features and how he had changed. In just four years. He had dark circles under his eyes. His baby face changed into more mature features like a sharper jawline. But his cute freckled cheeks still had a little chubbiness to them, and his hair was surprisingly the same.

He had gotten more handsome. ' Wait, what? ' Katsuki shook the thought away.

"How have you survived this long on your own?" Katsuki asked, breaking the silence.

Izuku gave a glance Katsuki way when he heard the other speak before looking forward again focusing on the same trail he was so used to walking. His feet knowing the way without him having to think much about it. Once they reached the area where he had traps set up for the dead, he grew more relaxed.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “I’m resourceful. I was taken into a camp right as the outbreak happened.” His voice held no emotion and was pretty monotoned as he talked. katsuki looked at him soaking in every word the shorter boy said. “I got separated from my mom. A raid happened. I bounced from place to place. Gathered knowledge when I could on scavenging and hunting. Then I found this place, and I’ve been here ever since…I have books on farming and making medicine from herbs. I’ve just started making medicine though..I’m not very good at it.”

Katsuki stared in awe at the boy, he should have known he would have survived, the amount of time Izuku had takin notes on heros and the knowledge he would shove into his mind really did pay out for him in the end. Izuku shied away from the look, choosing to look at the ground.

Katsuki let out a chuckle, "Still a damn nerd, I see." He stated, shoving his hands into his pocket and stepping over a trap that was set, making sure not to set it off.

Katsuki glanced at their surroundings. The place they were headed seemed to be pretty secluded. He could imagine and see how Izuki could survive on his own out here.

They settled into a comfortable silence all the way there until finally making it to his little cabin. Izuku made sure to walk in first and set alight two oil lamps that brightened up the cabin.

It was loud with the rain beating down on the tin roof, but izuku didn’t seem to mind it as he walked about the cabin. He started to work in setting a fire in the fireplace to heat them up from the cold. Once the fire was lite, it brightened up the place even more.

Katsuki walked in, closing the door behind him, instantly being thankful to be out of the cold rain. His eyes glanced around the cabin, and Izuki had made it seem like home. Or maybe it was because it was just Izuku being there that made it feel like home.

The cabin was only one big room. In this big room, he had a mattress with a sleeping bag and other pillows and blankets izuku had acquired over the years. There was a desk against the wall that was littered with books and papers. As katsuki walked, he ran his fingers over the worn covers of the books, tracing the words.

Besides that, it was an iron pot and pan made for cleaning. And two small counter spaces that held herb of different kinds, most of them had labels on them already.

“It’s not much. And my food is running low. All my crops died from the cold.” He started shedding off his wet clothes, not giving it a second thought. His jacket was the first to go, and then his shirt was shucked off, both clothing articles thrown in a corner with a wet splat.

Katukis eyes landed on Izuku he watched him as he removed his clothing, his eyes scanned over the green haired boys' body. His cheeks tinted crimson, but he couldn't break away it was as if he was in a trance.

The way the water droplets from the rain dripped from his hair falling onto his freckled shoulders, or how the light of the fire made his skin glow.

Butterflies erupted in Katsukis's heart, making the beating of his heart reach his ears.

Katsuki forced a swollow, shaking his head, breaking his gaze away from Izuku only when the green haired boy looked over at him in curiosity. He moved away, setting his backpack down, and began to shed his wet clothes, too.

He pulled his jacket off and then his shirt over his head. "I dont have much of my own, but I have some things that might contain us for a while." Katsuki told him, his eyes glancing at Izuku. Katsuki paused for a moment, "If you don't mind if I stick around, that is."

Izuku grabbed a dry sweater and slipped it in before removing his bottoms and quickly pulling on some dry ones, then turning back to katsuki. Katsuki was in the process of undoing his pants to slip the wet offending material off. Izukus eyes roam from his face, just now admiring the flawless skin on Katuskis face, nose slightly pink from the cold. They trail down to his broad shoulders. Then his chest. Then his well muscled stomach, eyes tracing each path line of abs and follows the V of his hips to-

He quickly averted his gaze, looking at the fire. “You’re more than welcome to stick around.”

Izuku gets to work hanging his clothes on a wire by the fire to dry them off in an attempt to look busy. “We can go back out and try again for food once the rain stops.”

Katsuki walks next to Izuku, watching him struggle to put the clothes on the wire. He smirks 'cute.' his eyes widen at the thought and clears his throat. "Uh yeah, that sounds good, but there's no telling when this rain will end." Katsuki states, getting annoyed at how Izuku still hadn't managed to hang the clothes on the line. Izuku would pin one up and go to pin the other side, and it would all fall, causing izuku to let out a frustrated sigh.

Katsuki raises his brow, "Give it here. You don't seem like you can do it." He tells him, reaching for the clothes, his hand brushing against Izukus stopping at the touch, his eyes catching Izukus.

Izuku feels the spark when their hands touch, and he quickly brings it to his chest, holding it with his other hand. He moves his gaze away, laughing awkwardly. “Yea…sorry I’m still a bit shaky. I also haven’t eaten in quite a while..so my coordination is bad right now.“ izuku gulps down his nerves that keep building up as he keeps his gaze away from Katsuki.

Katsuki stares down at him, disappointment filled him as soon as Izukus touch left his.

He began to hang the clothes on the line and walked over to his back, pulling out a packet of Ramen and tossing it to Izuku.

"Dinners on me tonight." He tells the boy.

Izuku fumbles with the pack before finally catching. His stomach growls, and his mouth begins to water as his eyes scan the packet. “How did you…get this? I haven’t eaten anything like this in years.”

Katsuki smirks. "I found it a couple of weeks ago in an abandoned house. There was a pack of them, I haven't had anything to boil them with, so I usually just eat them like chips." He tells him.

Izuku crunched up his face. “Ew” he grabs the pot with a laugh and opens the door, holding it out for it to catch the rain water. “Well we are both in for a treat then.” He pulls the pot back inside once he is satisfied with how full it was and hung it over the fire. He got to work, opened the packet of ramen, and placed it in the fire alone with the spiced that came in its packet. He watched the pot for a while before speaking again. “Do you think…” he sat down, bringing his knees to his chest. “Do you think this will ever be over?..”

Katsuki looks down at the floor, "Who knows, this has gone on for years. No one really knows what the outcome will be in the end. All I know is that neither one of us has to be alone anymore." Katuski told him. Izuku makes a hum in acknowledgment, not looking away from the fire.

Katsuki let out a chuckle. "Remind me back when we were kids, and you would always chase me around with your all might figurines. You were such a nerd." Katsuki says, a small smile playing on his lips at the long ago memory.

They two look over at each other at the same time, blazing red meeting soft green. "Still are, but I don't mind it now."

Izuku huffs, feeling his cheeks heat up as he pouts. “I’m not a kid anymore Kacchan…and things will never be like that again.” Izuku breaks eyes contact first and moves to where he’s on his knees, and he stirs the pot of ramen.

“But you’re right.” He talks lowly. “It is better not being alone.. I was starting to think I’d die alone out here. Of old age. Or illness or whatever..” he stands brushing his knees off and grabs two bowls, feeling Katsukis gaze burning into him the whole time. “Maybe fate brought us together.” he smiles brightly at the blonde, feeling weightless at this moment. Enjoying being able to hold a conversation and enjoy food with another person.

Katsuki chuckles, walking over to Izuku and taking his bowl from him and walks over to a spot on the floor, and takes a seat.

He bites into his ramen, and a low moan escapes his mouth. "Damn, I haven't tasted anything this good in years." Katsuki states, closing his eyes in pleasure from the taste of hot food in his mouth.

Izuku takes his own bowl sitting across from Katsuki and quickly takes his own bite, and his eyes brighten, and he quickly starts eating the rest. Slurping and chewing loudly, as if it was his first and last meal he would ever eat.

Katsuki stares at Izuku, an annoyed look on his face at the loud noises he was making as he ate.

A stress mark formed on his forehead as his eyebrows narrowed.

"Deku." He starts, "COULD YOU EAT ANY LOUDER? It's not going anywhere. Enjoy the flavor damnit. damn nerd always being extra." Katsuki grumbles and slowly eats his food.

Izuku gulps the food he has in his mouth and smiled shyly. “Sorry Kacchan. I’ll slow down.”

He slows down eating until he’s finally done. He gets up, setting his bowl on an empty space on the counter, and looks out the window at the sky, growing dark. He yawns and stretch’s.

“I only have one bed. I hope that’s alright ? It should fit two people.” Izuku looks over at katsuki for confirmation.

Katsuki glances out the window and down to the bed, pushing himself off of the floor and making his way to the bed and plopping down.

"I don't see a problem with it. We're just sleeping together." He said, scooting over so that Izuku had room. His eyes widened at what he said and looked at Izuku, his cheeks going red and glancing away. thankfully, Izuku didn’t seem to notice.

"I-I mean yeah, sure, it's fine," he says, trying to make up for what he had said.

Izuku smiles and turns off the oil lamps, leaving only the dying fire to illuminate the room as he carefully gets onto the mattress with Katsuki. He makes sure to pull all the covers up, and he sighs, closing his eyes.

“Thank you, Kacchan.” He looked over at katsuki. Their features are cast in shadows and dull orange light from the fire, and a small smile graces his face. “I didn’t realize how lonely I was, so..thank you for sticking around…”

Katsuki looks over at Izuku, his cheeks holding a soft pink to them that was hidden by the shadows. He should be the one thanking Izuku. He gave him a warm bed warm food and a roof to sleep on.

Tonight would be the first night he would be able to sleep at ease without any worry. "Y-Yeah, well don’t mention it. Thanks for letting me crash and the warm food." Katsuki said, not realizing he said it more in a whisper.

Katsuki continued to stare at Izuku for a moment longer, the weight of everything syncing in his mind, from reuniting with Izuku to not having to be alone anymore.

Katsuki let out low sighs and leaned over and hugged Izuku, pulling him into a warm snuggle. "But really, thanks for saving me, I guess." Katsuki told him.

Izukus eyes widen, and he snuggles closer into katsukis warmth, hiding his smile into the fabric of katsukis shirt. “Good night Kacchan…”

Katsuki smiles softly, nosing the green curls on top of izukus hair. The warmth of another body, no Izukus body, filled his heart. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Izukus's head. "Goodnight, Deku."

[rottingashtray]

Sunset Daze

She laid back on the soft grass on the hill she had stumbled upon not far from the school grounds of UA, trying to escape her worries.

Her eyes glanced up gazing at the stars that were almost completely out. It was sunset, and the sky was breathtaking and relaxing to her.

She heard footsteps approach behind her. She didn't even dare to look back she knew automatically who it was.

Hearing the grass move beside her, her eyes never leaving the sky."It's a beautiful afternoon." She heard him say beside her, and she hummed in response. She had a rough day at training, and many memories from her past were brought up. She wasn't in much of a mood to talk.

He looked over at her and studied her features. He knew her like the back of his hand. He reached over and brushed a strand of loose hair from her cheek.

She glanced over at him, making eye contact with him. He gave her a soft smile, laying back beside her, turning on his side, staring at her. She glanced back up at the sky and back at him and scrunched her brows together, almost making them touch.

"Are you not going to enjoy the view with me?" She asked him confusion laced in her voice. He let out a soft chuckle, his hand slowly moving up gently, grabing a peace of her hair twisting it gently between his fingers. His eyes snapped back up at her.

"I already am."

[rottingashtray]

MHA OC

(My own personal character for MHA)

🌿 Rokidishi 🌿

( Nickname : Roki )

Quirk - Elemental Manipulation

{ She can control and have access to any element that she comes in contact with and manipulate it to any use she sees needs fit}

Hero Name - Elemental

Downside - if she over uses her Quirk, she becomes fatigued, and her temperate either drops extremely low, which can cause hypothermia or raises extremely high, and her body can over heat causing her to pass out

[rottingashtray]

The Brain.

The brain is a mysterious thing, it runs us day and night non stop continuously going. Making us do things before we even process doing them, for example making telling us to sit and we do it really with out thinking of it. We just look at a chair and sit down. Or when we check our phones for time out of it being natural to us, the brain can also make life enjoyable with fake scenarios, like when we listen to music a whole scen plays in our head that we imagine.

I for one have a huge imagination and I'm fully grown. I think of scenarios in my head and escape my reality of the things I have going on in my day to day life. I think the brain does this so that we can have a little hit of enjoyment when we feel like life is getting a little bit to boring.

It's kinda cool that our brain causes us to write movies, books, process stories when we read books, read words when we read a post or text as the little voice says every word out inside out mind. It's kinda magical, if you think about it.

[rottingashtray]

Who Am I Really?

I've always felt as if I wasn't a normal human being. I feel like I have another purpose in my life and I haven't quite figured it out yet. Of course im still young, but I can't shake this feeling that I just don't belong in this world. Don't worry its not depression, it's more like a calling more than a feeling. My whole life I've felt completely different than most humans, always felt like my family wasn't my family, that I was actually from another world that know one new about. I actually have this whole theory in my head that I'm not one hundred percent human. That I have some other worldly blood in me, and yeah it makes me sound crazy I know. I've done my research and came up with conclusions, I wish I could share them but you all would think of me as insane. I'm a lot different than most people as well, in many different ways actually its to many to explain them all. I wish I could find someone who help me that would understand my thoughts and theories and help me understand them, l but every time I post or make a cry for help to understand everything, I get declined or called crazy. The last time I was honest with someone about myself and my thoughts they thought I was crazy and they put me in a mental institution. The funny thing is though, I met some one on the last day of me being in there the confirmed my beliefs and theories. This all sounds like nonsense and I know that I'm rambling on and no one will ever believe me because people are to scared to open their mind to other worldly beings, but I just had to write this. I guess you can say im still searching for answers and the more I research the more I find out everyday. My curiosity of who I am and who my family actually is is expanding more and more the more I research. I crave to know no more about what my heritage is and who I really am, even if things.... don't want me to discover it. Then again, why would my eyes all of a sudden open to this new perspective on seeing and hearing things if I wasn't meant to learn and prepare myself for what about to happen in the future. In my theory, if it is correct... I have five months top to figure things out. 'll contuse to keep you updated on my research and my theory that I can't exactly unfold because its technically not mine to unfold. Part of me wants my theory to become true and start this new life for myself that im suppose to start, and part of myself doesn't and I want to remain content in this comfortable life that I'm living now, but if it is correct I know the exact decision I'll make.

thanks for reading and letting me share the thoughts that ponder on inside my head.

With much love,

Pherra

[rottingashtray]

Procrastination

My whole life I've put things off until the last minute, rather its's work that needs to be done involving my job, studying for a big test coming up, or cleaning my room. I always tell myself "Oh I'll do it later, I'm not in the mood right now", but when it comes to later I never do it and I put it off even longer and the things that need to be done never seem to happen. I catch my self at times wishing that I wasn't this way, and that I could just dive in and not drag things out longer than they need to be. Will I always be this way? Who knows. The only person that can change that is me. I have to have that desire to, and honestly I do believe I won't always be this way, one day I'll be able to do what I need to do at that very moment and not put it off.

[rottingashtray]

A New Start

I've decided to start new and open a new door for myself, and see where it's going to take me. Sometimes we have to close our eyes and jump in and start to swim, even though we get tired we may wanna give up and start to float downward, we have to push through that burn and continue to stride, because in the end it'll be worth it all.

[rottingashtray]

A Repetitive Cycle

Do you ever just sit down and think about how life is a cycle and we're like robots? How some of us wake up, get dressed, drink coffee or an energy drink, drive to work, spend 8+ hours at work, get off around 5-6 in the evening, get home, shower, eat dinner, go back to sleep, and repeat the exact same cycle the next day. Robots in the flesh, some of us never make time enough for ourselves to spend time with family or do a little bit of reading or do what helps our minds ease with all the stress we put on it.

We believe we're doing all of this for the sake of our family to help them have a better life than how we did growing up, but in reality we're just hurting them more than we know. We do the same things our parents did to us, but we knew that they loved us we just wish we got to spend more time with them.

I find myself very often how I continuously feel like I'm in that robotic cycle that life will forever be this way until the day that I die. I wish that I could break that cycle but knowing that chance of the unknown is scary, we all get comfortable in the repeating cycle that we're to scared to step out of the circle and onto a straight line, to see what else life has to offer than just bills and work.

I guess we'll never know unless we try.

[rottingashtray]

"Life is like a game, the way you play it through determines how it ends." - pherrawrites

[rottingashtray]

The Reality Of Things.

Social media, one of the biggest platforms. Posting the that things you do on an everyday basis, on facebook, snapchat, instagram, ect. If you don't post people think that there is something wrong. You take a small break from social media for a little self love and self cleansing and boom, you're getting phone calls from everyone asking if you're okay, but in the reality of it, they don't really care they're just nosy you didn't post what you ate for lunch so that they can post that their food was better than yours, and try to prove that they're better than you to boost their self confidence. When in reality, what does it even matter anyway.

The views, the followers, and of course the likes, we feel like we need them to feel special, to fill that void that we have when we're laying up in bed and lost in our thoughts, we feel like we all need social media to keep us occupied from the reality of the real world, in the reality it doesn't really matter in the end anyway. What even is the point of it all?

Sometimes I find myself scrolling through instagram or Tik Tok and I see these girls on there that makes me wish that I looked like them. That I had that perfect body, the perfect hair, stomach, etc. Social media has made me forget the meaning of self love, even though some influencers try to teach us to love ourselves but we can't get the thought of how they look and how much we wish we where them out of how minds, because when its the late hours of the night we lay up in bed in the darkness and we ponder and mourn in our deepest thoughts that only linger in our minds late in the night, those same single thoughts that no matter how hard we try to push them away or forget them never seem to actually go away. They linger and wait for us as if we where their prey to stalk and pounce on us in our most venerable hour. Like a lion hunting the lamb. They make us bleed and cry out in pain to the point of no mercy. A continuous cycle thats never ending.

I wish I grew up in the era of the 'good ole days', the days where we didn't compare ourselves to others like we do now, the days where date nights phones weren't involved, the days where all of your business was to yourself and the people closest to you. The era of when you didn't have to pretend to be someone who you truly wasn't.

The reality of it all, is that even though we say we don't follow the trends and we don't care what others think and that we ignore that feeling of wanting what the have or their appearance, but deep down, deep in those those thoughts we think of in those specific hours, we do care, we care about it all and as we will continue to care till the day we breath our last breath.

Why? Because thats just the reality of things.

Thanks For Reading,

pherrawrites