rumaisahkd

[rumaisahkd]

How can you be sick and still feel horny, how?

[rumaisahkd]

So many times, we hear tings like 'Hate the, sin not the sinner' , something that is so fluid on tongue, but incredibly difficult to practice, how can

[rumaisahkd]

With her clothes all lying on the floor, with shiny droplets of sheer water tugging at her lashes and with freeze of dying December biting her toes and tips of her fingers. She took out her writing pad to pour all the loneliness on the paper as if it was liquid of despair filling in her heart threatening to drown it. The night had returned and so had the demons living in the walls of her room or maybe it was just the walls of her heart.

"Why our we all so alone here?

Why does every shoulder feels like a shrug every time it offers us to lean on to it, why does it always feel like something really important is missing all the time and why is every gleam seems so incompetent to the gloom.

Yes, we are alone, but we are all in this together, walking in a town of howling wolves all of us are treading the same path but with blind folds on, few get lucky enough to trip into each other and walk together as one. But this only goes on as long they are moving with same pace, the instant one of them slows down or one of them speeds up, they fall apart even if one of them tries to drag the other along, they fall apart even if their hands are tired together, they fall apart even with their legs crisscrossed into each other. They are separate beings just like everybody else, they walk in separate direction following the separate jingles. 

Hence, to feel alone is not being alone and to feel accompanied is not really.."

Too exhausted to continue any further she dropped her pen, folded and neatly placed back each dress she deliberately dropped few hours back and retrieved to her desolate spot on the shared bed.  

[rumaisahkd]

How can she leave? how can she just do this to me ? endlessly pointless thoughts were hitting my brain cells like a hailstorm i.e cold and hard. I bent to tighten my shoelaces once again, but this time I put an extra effort by circling the remaining laces around my calves. Detremined to hop over every hurdle on the way I took a run, and ran like a madman trying to escape an illusionary fire, yeah fire was all that I could feel in my limbs. 

Suddenly I heard someone call my name and then her's , achingly beautiful name of hers , soft and soothing like her aura. I had to break my haze and follow my gaze leading to a man whose face i couldnt make out, he was holding something wrapped in your satiny shawl. I didnt know the man and neither could I care less to know anything , anything but the object delicately wrapped in your  shawl  and your fragrance. I took the fabric parcel from the unknown and clasped it tightly against my chest

." You really have left me, God! you really are gone, leaving me with shattered hopes, demolished dreams and something metallicy with this shawl crumpled around."I peeked into my chest and saw invsible liquid oozing out of it, i pressed it gently but it only aggravated the spikes of pain shooting outside.  Enroute to the long jorney of nowhere, I felt incridible exhaustion in my limbs. I took seat on the rugged pavement not caring about anything that was coimng in contact with my white lenin pants that I had ht not more than a week ago. 

Afterwards, I did not know when and how i gave into slumber, but what I do remember is waking up a seething cold coursing up my legs freezing everything on its way , and warm metaalic object clenched to my chest......a mirrorr it was..As if wondering how I look amidst my tragedy, I took the mirror out and looked into its sparkly surface,  I stared long at the man with disheaveled hair , matted forehead and desicated eyes, until.... until my eyes were met with a pair of greedy eyes right above my head greedily embbedd in an ugly creature’s face, immediately I looked at my back and saw nothing i had only begun to feel releived when i looked into  the mirror and had to recoiled as there was another monseter looking creature staring straight at me Not knowing what to do and not knowing where else to find them when I summoned the courage to take another peek in my reflection. 

"Wait ...what ..no ...no."

It was impossible, unsettling, the image that appeared, encaptured a face less monster, but not because it didn't have a face but it was due to the fact that it had tightly coiled its face round its long and lean neck, threating to break it , the blood came oozing out as the self- abomination led the monster to clutch the neck fiercely by its teeth , digging it deep inside it .  not wanting drop the mirror as to aggarvate the three towring figures of menance and not wanting to keep holding it , i tilted the mirror to an angle only they could be seen at, thats when the wrost was most appaling fact was revealed , the mosnters i thought were standing behind and ready to pounce on any minute werent there... they werent on my back ...they were in it!

Growing out of nape , they disyinct themselves from each otther in wilderness. Not knowing what next to expect and hastily place and almost dropped the mirror on the floor and took a step step back so slow and so tiny that my body that even my couldnt respond to it,exhaling the breath that I had been holding from quite some time , I took another step faster and bigger and before i knew i found myself running , running faster than before, I was hoping to fend the monsters ,ff  but with my every step distant away the monsters grew bigger and colder unto to grow and the grw 

 This monster was the least horrendous looking yet it managed to creep me the most. I thought the worst had been seen when accinden

[rumaisahkd]

I opened my eyes and found myself in a strange strange land. It was an explosion of colours , hanging above were cotton candy clouds of every colour , beautiful sky reaching mountains with glittery river flowing down in emerald green water which eventually meets the deep blue of ocean. Other than nature it seemed to have contain everything from

[rumaisahkd]

"You know I have never felt the owner ship of anyone all my life". I opened my mouth to say something , but she didn't let me start

"Owner ship is different from possession , it's the knowledge that someone somewhere out there in this jungle of inhaling and exhaling lungs, owns a heart which skips its beat every time my name gets mentioned before him, it's being confident that there's exist one person in this entire clusters of stars whose eyes sparkled when ever they meet mine ." She took a pause, she was acting unusually philosophical today and I couldn't help wondering how to respond her back .

" Awe I am.."

" oh no , don't be silly , even I don't feel sorry for myself ." She cuts me again and this time with a smile that exudes confidence and mystery all at once.

" I am glad that I

[rumaisahkd]

Enough with a Glimpse of heaven , A wave of fragrance enwrapped in a wave of cool breeze or a shower of glitter that stays on the sky refusing to fall down, a heart warming smile or a words that melt me away, a hopping heart in my chest or happiness so strong that it threatens to break the bones. I wonder what if in the murky reality these glimpses of heaven cease to visit , what if these eyes of ours stop shining at all and laughters stop drenching our lips . I wonder what would it be like, if a sun so bright give off it's light , leaving nothing to eclipse itself behind.

Miserable, right?

But maybe only then we will see heaven we live within.

[rumaisahkd]

Do you know I am going somewhere really far and really dark..Now far is understandable but why dark , you must ask... What is it about darkness that attract the illuminated lives ... maybe, maybe because illumination is exposure and exposure is temporary , so maybe it is that fear of getting out of light that makes everyone want to get entrapped in dark once for it all. Darkness is dangerous , but the danger is promising, while light promises nothing , light does not even promise light. Light gets consumed and the darkness consumes all.

Every night I close my eyes and try to sing lullaby to my restless heart , my lullaby turns into a sob story making tears to trickle down and I wipe them harder than required and hush the voices in my head harsher than its needed. Laying on the bed with icy mind and scorching heart for countless hours, which eventually lead me to the balcony of cold air to allow the  wind to whip through my hair and I stare at the distant navy blue horizon until it turns deep crimson.

[rumaisahkd]

It is back to the time of the night where I feel most productive most creative and most thoughtful.

But then You come in like wistful air, the kind of air that makes you want to throw your cosy blanket and take a run in the outside chill, the kind of air that puts of the fire you were fueling for years and you don't mind that, the kind of air you didn't know you exude.

I feel useless but I don't mind being useless, I want to read a book I want to write a book but the words melt away before the warmth of your eyes. I want shout at my loudest to scare away your ghost into the hideout it doesn't dare to step out from, but the nightingale of your memories has made a nest in my heart.

[rumaisahkd]

I feel like running to the point of no return, to the point I see your face in its all glory, I feel just running until I hit your chest and get entangled in your arms, and I promise you if that becomes reality, I won't look back, I won't look back to the tasteless pomp and comfort less nights. It's brutal, it is cruel to feel you everywhere yet finding you nowhere. The vandalism of life has fed me unsataited, it brought you to me only to make me feel how Incomplete i could be. My snuggly pillow is a jagged stone, my feathery blanket is a shawl of thrones. Your coldness is needed to warm my freezing night.

[rumaisahkd]

To the program Director of Institute of Health Management

23rd, April, 2019

Respected Sir,

We Rumaisa Hassan Khan and Qanaita Tanveer Ghauri from Department of Radiology request to be enrolled in German Language course of Semester-VII, at your prestigious department.

Lately, both of us have been looking for an institute that could make us learn German language without causing disrupt to our already busy university routine. It proved to be an arduous task, as nearly every institute was either too far off or giving classes during university timings. A short time ago, we were told about your department providing this opportunity and it felt like blessing falling on a lap.

As students of DUHS we have heard promising things about administration of IHM and we expect no less. Please consider our request and permit us to take the classes.

We will be forever grateful to you.

[rumaisahkd]

SLEEP PARALYSIS

I could sense my eyes being opened from darkness to dim, it was somewhere in between one or two in the morning and I woke up a little thirsty.

I dilated my pupils in hopes of finding water bottle on my bedside table. There wasn't any.

I was deciding whether to step out of the warm cocoon of my blanket or wait for the impending flood of sleep to get me drowned.

When I saw him, to my left , behind the window, outside my house only few feet away. Three long jumps and I will be completely at his mercy.

The once comforting cacoon was now turning into an icy ferric sheet wrapped around my legs.

" oh! This is cannot be real. "

But the harder I stared, the stronger I was glared back and more vivid he became. I couldn't make out of his face, but I was accertained that he was wearing long a black hoodie.

God knows how long has he been standing there in this damp weather, staring straight at me.

My kind of thirsty mouth was now bone dry and the tongue had morphed into a stony flesh.

I gasped for air and inside entered the gaseous pins.

Million screams were stifling inside. Every nerve in my ears was alert to detect his movement, yet all that could be heard was my erratic heart beat and all he did was to stand and stare.

"Your brain is just messing up with you, turn on the the light and you will see him disappear ." I tried to reason with myself.

After what felt like an eternity I moved very slowly and silently towards the edge of my bed which has suddenly grown from queen size to Castle size.

An hour or two must have passed by the time, I reached the the edge of my bed. I took a big jump, inorder to keep myslef out of the reach of the snakes, beneath my bed that could be waiting to coil around my legs.

Ignoring the chill running down my spine

I moved forward to reach for the switch and with every once of will power in me, I pressed the button upside down.

Nothing.

I did it again this time more briskly.

Nothing.

I broke into dry perspiration, and I started toying with switch board like crazy.

BUT

I knew non of it was worth it, because I never left the bed in the first place !

I was still lying there, trembling out of the anticipation of the ferric grip by the stranger standing by the window.

[rumaisahkd]

We Rumaisa Hassan Khan and Qanaita Tanveer Ghauri from Department of Radiology, Batch V, Semester IV, would like to that both of us be enrolled for "German Language" classes that are being held in your prestigious Institute of Health Management.

Both of us have been looking for 'German Language' in places that could not intervene with our university timings and hence affect our attendance and focus from our studies. In a situation like this we were informed

[rumaisahkd]

"So this is it huh?"

His voice came from somewhere far away, my eyes drifted away from sad chirping birds to him. Looking at him, I saw a cloud of fog.

"It is sort of a sad weather, isn't it? ." I wanted to ask, but instead I found myself nodding. It baffles me how and when our words stopped reaching to each other.

"Okay then Good bye." The words cascaded from his lips like a water fall and morphed into splinters of shattered glass before reaching down on me.

"Bye."

I tried to make it as inaudible as possible, as though my decibel levels would put a halt to every ticking clock and rewind the time to one month back.

Strange how only a month back the person standing before me was my holy sanctuary.

"Why did you set fire to my haven, why did you burn it down int.."

Countless withering questions on the tip of my tongue, but I chose to turn. I chose to turn my back on him and numerous serverd parts of me which were still clinging tightly on him.

With ground behind me evaporating into dust, I took forward steps towards the exit of his life, head held high and dying inside.

[rumaisahkd]

Trying hard to fight back my tears, I turned to corner but you pulled me close seeing how everybody else has left, then you told me how hard this glum face of mine has made things for you. We exchanged our last good byes with swallowing the emotional lump in our throats, swallowing in

[rumaisahkd]

One thing about growing up that nobody told me about is "Living with ever permeating pain".

I found myself very unprepared for the never wavering bitterness about life and I was stabbed with disappointment when nothing could do anything to edd away the pain that once forged in me once I hit the adolescence.

It is like living with bitter and sour acid in the mouth that keeps dissolving in your blood drop by drop and there's nothing you can do. As a novice I came across thoughts of severing off the part from where the acid keeps coming from, but soon came the realization that my life-blood cannot thrive without this corrosive acid. The sporadic burning that originates from my chest and flows through the body is the heat that keeps me alive. The reeking pungentness of life is responsible for the fragrance of its liquor. This undulating orgy of poison has shots of elixir of life to serve.

[rumaisahkd]

We are a little too familiar with, the idea "Loving to strive and striving for love", we have been feeded that being an emotional beings we need to be catered with love and the beast in our hearts can turn into a Prince only if the love is expressed for us. But what we weren't ever told or hardly shown is the need to provide love, is the need give, is the need to embrace the back that can be turned on you any moment. We love to be loved as much as we love to love, if not more. A place where there's only receiving cannot suffice us. Unreasonable love and super unconditional love cannot lead to happiness, but rather never ending confusion. For there's no one who loves himself without given a reason to do so and it is natural for a person to wonder that if he couldn't love himself for the way he is, how can can someone else can. Love as shown and told is too idealistic to be real and even pleasant, it stems out of nonsense and thereby cannot be sensed.