safe-as--life

[safe-as--life]

05•07•2021

things are hard. i admittedly relapsed a little bit with self harm. i'm working on it. i'm trying to get better about taking my meds. i'm a little happier with my body. i'm working on finding a new job to go down from 2 part time jobs to 1 full time // more money and a little less stress + a little more consistency. i think i found a place to move to, at least until i can get out of ohio. i'm almost ready to take my test to get my license. still saving up for a car. things will be okay. soon, hopefully. but eventually for sure.

+ a kitten & dog i met recently!

[safe-as--life]

2day i can breathe. i work marti's & fat head's 2day, but tomorrow i am going 2 start making appointments. i've been writing poetry like crazy. i got recommended a psychiatrist that i am going 2 try out, and I'm gonna go see my physician for a physical and whatnot. getting off birth control has improved my general mood quite a bit, and my confidence bc I'm not at a roadblock with my body. the sun is out. things are getting better.

[safe-as--life]

2day i can breathe. i work marti's & fat head's 2day, but tomorrow i am going 2 start making appointments. i've been writing poetry like crazy. i got recommended a psychiatrist that i am going 2 try out, and I'm gonna go see my physician for a physical and whatnot. getting off birth control has improved my general mood quite a bit, and my confidence bc I'm not at a roadblock with my body. the sun is out. things are getting better.

[safe-as--life]

tarot reading 12•18•2020

[safe-as--life]

10•18•2020

things arent necessarily great but I'm doing stuff that makes me happy again. I'm taking a writing workshop via zoom hosted by neil hilborn and it is definitely inspiring my need to write. and I've reformated my writing account on insta into something I'm proud of.

and I'm reading! I'm actually reading. regularly. I haven't read like this since high school. i read "Making Monsters Out of Girls" and "To Drink Coffee with a Ghost" by Amanda Lovelace, Peluda by Melissa Lozada-Oliva, and Life of the Party by Olivia Gatwood. And I actually read a full novel in one night! The Truth About Keeping Secrets by Savannah Brown. it was amazing. and I'm reading Her Fearful Symmetry now -- it's just nice that it's part of my routine.

and I should be able to buy a car in a month or two!!!

[safe-as--life]

08•29•2020

having my first good night in awhile. just getting high and cleaning and listening to fun music and bullet journaling. it's nice because I'm not manic and I'm not fully happy but I'm being personally productive -- not just at work -- and I feel good. it's like, not on top of the world or absolutely depressed, just good. it feels natural. obviously I'm high, too, but, I don't know. I've been working on poetry and letting it be my focus. I'm letting myself have alone time and have fun. the new bright eyes album came out and it came out at just the right time. things aren't great but I'm capable of surviving the bad.

[safe-as--life]

went to a rlly high energy / spiritually charged place today!! focused on manifesting healing, growth, & love in order to better align with my higher self. A lot of things in my life feel like they're crumbling right now, but after tonight I feel a little more at peace 💛

[safe-as--life]

my two favorite things i've worn during quarantine so far, lol. new spring clothes 🌸 the skirts are new & so is the cherry blossom shirt. prepping for spring in hopes i'll be able to go out and do stuff for at least some of the season...regardless, getting dressed and doing my makeup helps stave off the depression a little.

[safe-as--life]

did a little spiritual check in today. we were lucky enough to have a sunny day, so i got to meditate a little & do a mind-body-spirit reading in the sunshine ☀️ i also have a therapy session via facetime tomorrow morning! i'm really trying to not let this isolation & quarantine period get to me -- but it's difficult and that's okay to acknowledge. i'm trying my best to use this time to get into better touch with my spirit, and really begin again on working to better myself. 🌱

[safe-as--life]

i made a list of 20 recipes i want to try while social distancing! so far i've made snickerdoodles & lemon coconut pixies! they both turned out really well, and i'm having a lot of fun trying new things 🍪🧁🍰

[safe-as--life]

tried a more simplistic journaling style today! i'm feeling pretty low energy but still am trying to keep up with my journal. i'm also back to helping out with marti since i lost my job temporarily during all of this apocalyptic shit. i'm trying to stay grateful that i at least have some source of income. i have therapy on thursday & i'm keeping my fingers crossed that they don't cancel it 🤞

[safe-as--life]

of fogs, ponds and cloudy days

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[safe-as--life]

decided to broaden my baking horizons during this quarantine! today i made snickerdoodles! getting more ingredients tomorrow 💛

[safe-as--life]

“I wish, all my poems to end in, to end with, spring.”

— Olena Kalytiak Davis, from the lais of lost long days …

[safe-as--life]

these are also from the insta @ myselflovesupply ! the idea of hobbies got me thinking about some hobbies i want to try / pick up 💛

candle making

baking --> take classes, try more challenging recipes, get into decorating

hiking

working out at the gym!

ukulele

more scrapbooking

[safe-as--life]

not mine!! from the insta @ myselflovesupply !!

[safe-as--life]

monday 02•25•2020

things have felt pretty bleak lately. i think it's been a mix of my mental illnesses, the weather / seasonal affective disorder, & some current situational / circumstantial stuff.

but i'm choosing to be proud of and hold onto the little accomplishments i've been making.

cleaning my room at least once a week to keep my OCD from consuming me & feeding into my anxiety & depression.

keeping up on weekly chores, such as laundry, cleaning the litter boxes, etc.

i've been getting out of bed & going to work. i've been making sure i continue to go above & beyond, so i can get full time after my 90 days.

i have worked actively to not completely isolate myself.

i've been keeping up with my bullet journal & calendar to the best of my ability.

i have continued to make & keep goals for myself. even when i don't want to believe in the future, i have been setting short term & midterm goals for myself.

i have not let the depression turn to total apathy.

i don't always believe that i am going to be okay. even so, i have continued pushing myself & working on myself. even when i don't believe it, i tell myself every day that i am going to be okay, either through mantra or my actions.

i'm proud of myself. i'm allowed to be. 🌱