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[sanfl0werrr]

Avatar The Last Airbender "Heart of The Hero" headers

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[sanfl0werrr]

[00:42]

i wish you would love me the way i wrote about you, but how could you? as much as our eyes met in those fleeting, momentary passion, you were nowhere near me. as if our fate were destined to be distant, you were distant from me, distant from my heart and especially distant from my soul.

[sanfl0werrr]

[14:56]

“are you…” my words lingered for a while longer, unsure of what i should really say.

you had a smile on your face then, an expression without worry and a thousand times different from usual, in contrast to how you normally felt.

deep in my heart, i can only hope that you are now at peace, because i’ve always wanted everything good to come your way.

you chuckled, bringing me out of my thoughts, “it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

i bit my lip without realising, trying to stop the tears from falling. why? i wanted to ask.

“because this is the only way,” you answered weakly, your smile wavering, “this way, it won’t hurt anymore.”

“come back,” i pleaded, my cheeks stained with tears at this point, “please.”

“i’m sorry, my love.”

the screen then, turned black, your video ending with that last line. the last line i’ll ever hear you say.

[sanfl0werrr]

to be understood is possibly the greatest form of intimacy, but knowing that someone is praying for your happiness regardless of your difference… that hits differently…

[sanfl0werrr]

hahaha i will try to write something that’s a bit more happier this year <3 truly thanking every single one of you who liked and reposted my short writings <3

[sanfl0werrr]

title: pocket full of sunshine

tw: mention of suicide, depression

// the sun is on my side

i breathed in the hot and humid air, not really a fan of this weather if i might add. but i’m here, i’m here standing outside the door of my house and staring into the sky with my eyes closed, basking in everything warm; the warmth of the sun, the warmth of existence and the warmth of everyone’s smile.

i am standing here with a smile on my face and laughter escaping my lips, knowing that the sun is on my side, that even when night arrives, the sun will come out and gift us with its light.

the light of hope. that was what i prayed for, what i’ve always been praying for. all i wanted was to be granted the hope i’ve longed for. because the light in me was starting to flicker.

the light in me was starting to get dimmer with every second i’m existing. i didn’t know how to make it stop.

// and takes me for a ride

the house was empty by the time i woke up, it was always empty regardless because no one was ever home. i switched on the television and left it on as background noise so i don’t feel too alone.

but who was i kidding? the moment i opened my eyes and started to be aware of things was the day i realised, i will always be alone. dad was gone, my own mother was too caught up with my brothers instead. so, here i am. left alone to fend for myself.

“remember your first lesson on the bicycle? was fun, wasn’t it?” i hear my dad speak over the television noise.

instinctively, i looked up and poof!

he was gone.

yeah, dad. it was really fun, but i can no longer ride it anymore. not when you’re gone.

i wish i could talk to him and tell him everything. he was the only one who listened, the only one who knew how to comfort me in my darkest time. i wish i could see him again.

even if it’s just a short while.

// i smile up to the sky

“isn’t the sky beautiful?” wonwoo nudged me from the side, wiggling his eyebrows. “you’re happy that i brought you here, right?”

i laughed at his ridiculous expression, “who are you and what have you done with my wonwoo?”

i see him raising his brows in curiosity. ah, must have been my choice of words. ignorance is bliss, so i decided to feign the words i’ve uttered and brushed it all away.

“my beautiful, beautiful girl, you must have missed me.”

my smile grew, and we stayed in that silence. a comfortable silence.

truth be told, i didn’t know what to say to that. in all the months i’ve known him, he was more of the listener than a do-er. this sudden change of persona scared me, but there were butterflies in me. wonwoo caused the butterflies to grow without me realising.

i smile up to the sky, “it’s pretty up here. i love the cold air against my skin, how the stars are shining in this moonlit sky and the fact that you’re here with me as well.”

“anything for you, really.”

and it suddenly clicked, wonwoo’s change in persona.

“i’m not changing my mind, there’s nothing for you to do. there’s nothing that you can do anymore.”

“please,” wonwoo had grabbed my arm at this point and i sighed in defeat, looking into his dejected eyes.

“then stop the pain,” i had begged him, to let go of me and to let go of us. “stop this pain.”

// i know i’ll be alright

i called up each and every one of my friends that day, to ask them how they were doing. no malicious intent whatsoever, but i guess they thought i wanted something.

i could hear how their voices were trembling, scared of how i might ask them for a favour or two. i laughed it off and told them that we should meet up soon. they laughed it off and agreed, hanged up soon after that.

it was dad’s anniversary since he’s gone and i thought i could’ve talked to one of them, to reach out and say what’s on my mind, but i guess i looked too happy for someone who needed help. they didn’t think i needed help.

house was empty as usual, it didn’t feel like home even when everyone’s here. but even on this day, it felt like a normal day, as if dad wasn’t gone.

“wake up! wanna go play badminton? 1-on-1 with me! hurry and wash up, i even made you breakfast!” dad appeared once again in my peripheral view.

the moment i looked up to see if he was there, he poofed!

he was gone, again.

my vision blurred as tears immediately streamed down my face. i screamed out in pain, hoping my dad would hear me.

instead, he didn’t appear again for the rest of the day like he usually did.

hence, it was decided that i’ll be giving myself a few more chances to find hope.

a few more days and i’ll be alright. i know i’ll be alright, because it’ll be the day i’ll be long gone.

// take me away

the thing about people is that they never think twice before speaking, and once it’s out there, there’s no way anyone can take back what they said.

it’s all ingrained in the mind.

and i remember her words all too well, because she’s repeated it yet again. over and over again.

“she’s no daughter of mine!”

“her brothers are just better than her, just look at her, so useless around the house.”

“she’s the ugliest out of the three!”

everyone around us were chortling with their heads back, amused by her words. they didn’t mind that i was insulted, and they’d go along with everything my mum had said. i had no place there, i didn’t belong anywhere.

there was no way i could stay and be surrounded by them anymore. whatever happened, had made me remove a few chances to zero. no chances before it all even begun.

there were no hope left in me, it’s now or never.

dad, take me away. take me to you, please. i beg of you.

// to better days

“i can’t let you do this!”

i turned around and saw wonwoo gasping for air, his hair wet from his own perspire. i hold back a smile, touched by his presence despite it all.

“don’t do this, please,” he cautiously took a step forward, and instinctively, i took a step back, closer to the edge of the roof on the abandoned building.

“okay, stop! i won’t move!” he shouted from across, afraid that i might make any sudden movement.

“no one here loves me, wonwoo. it doesn’t matter if i exist or if i die, because my presence never really affected anyone.”

“the day i needed someone the most, i was all alone in that fucking house. i called up my friends and guess what? they thought i needed something, they thought i wanted a fucking favour!”

“i just needed someone that day and no one, no one was fucking there for me! my family hates me, all i hear daily are just insults about my looks and how i’m so useless.”

“is that love? wasn’t family home? why am i an outcast in all of these?”

wonwoo was on his knees, begging and pleading for me to think again, that all hope wasn’t lost, but honestly, that was the last thing i wanted to hear.

“goodbye,” i closed my eyes and fell on my back, letting gravity pull me down as wonwoo screamed out to me.

i hear the sirens of the ambulance getting closer as i lay on the ground, unable to move a single inch of my body. the blood was dripping from my head due to the impact and the pain was excruciating.

but despite the pain, despite it all, i gave the sky one last smile.

“to better days,” i whispered it out.

“you’re okay, yeah?” wonwoo tried to assure me as he held onto my body, crying. “ambulance are here, please stay with me. please.”

and before i could reply, my consciousness fades away.

[sanfl0werrr]

[12:11]

“i’m sorry,” seungyoun confessed as tears stained his face, his hands cupping your face, “i’m really sorry.”

you had your forehead against his, momentarily closing your eyes to gather your thoughts as you sniffed through his apologies.

you laughed a little, looking at his stained face while tearing up, “but it’s not your fault. it wasn’t your fault in the first place.”

he breathed a heavy sigh, “i know.. i’m just-“

there was a sudden pause in between his words and all he was looking at was you. all he was thinking about was you at this moment. he felt apologetic throughout it all despite having you on his mind all day.

he felt he couldn’t voiced it out properly and all he wanted was for you to be assured of him, and his feelings especially.

“i like you too much to see you like this,” seungyoun confessed once more, “and i’m a fool for not noticing in the first place.”

“i’m a fool!” he lightly slaps his head and chuckled, tears still evident in his eyes.

and you laughed together with him, trying to assure him at the same time.

“and i’m sorry too,” you cried out softly, “i let my emotions get the better of me.”

“and you’re no mind reader so you can’t exactly tell when i’m okay and when i’m not and that’s totally fine, seungyoun.”

you wiped his tears away, softly brushing away his hair strands from his face and admiring the handsome view before you as you smiled at him.

“i think i like you too much too,” you suddenly confessed as you stare into his eyes, “i can’t seem to get away from you.”

he chuckled in glee and pulled you in tightly for a hug, your body landing on top of his on the sofa.

he jokes around, still embracing you in his arms, “once you fall, you can never get out!”

you laughed heartily and joked back, “then keep me imprisoned in your heart.”

and all of a sudden, his gaze on you turned serious and the laughters subsided. your eyes widen at the immediate change.

seungyoun smiled at you without saying anything, his affection for you gradually increasing by the second. he wanted nothing more then, but for the time to stop, so he’d get to spend his forever with you.

“you had me wrapped around your fingers since the moment we met,” he caressed your cheeks softly, “so i think it’s more appropriate for you to keep me imprisoned in you heart.”

you laughed out loud, tears forming in your eyes as you lay against his chest, “so we just have to keep being imprisoned in both our hearts?”

“that’s the idea.”

you laughed once more, “you already have me with you, seungyoun.”

“and you have me as well, always.”

[sanfl0werrr]

[21:59]

you’re at a party, just sitting at one corner of the room and enjoying your drink. for some reason, your eyes wandered around, already bored at the uneventful place and immediately made contact with the person over at the other side.

he looks up from his drink with a cheeky look and it was as if the air got stuck in your throat. you suddenly couldn’t breathe well. not wanting to break the eye contact, he took it as a sign to come over to you.

he gave you a smile, “you’re staring.”

“can’t help it myself when you look this good,” you confessed without breaking a sweat.

he chuckled and raised his brows, amused, “right back at you, i can’t help but stare at the beauty myself.”

“you flatter me.”

“and you flatter me,” he chuckles again.

“come dance with me,” he reaches out his hand to grab yours and pulled you into the dance floor.

your eyes widened in panic, “but i can’t dance.”

he laughs heartily, “just follow my lead, love.”

the moment the music changed, he had his hands around your waist, rhythmically swaying your hips to match the tempo of the song. you were slowly getting used to it and kept watching your legs to avoid stepping on your partner’s feet.

“look up, baby,” he whispered to your ears, “just follow my lead and keep looking at me, yeah? you’re doing so good.”

the moment you look up, his eyes were already on you, admiring your features and you couldn’t help but stare back. you were mesmerised by his eyes, and the way he’s looking back was just as intense.

but you were distracted by how good he looks while leading you and accidentally looked down to his lips, unable to conceal your awed expression in time.

“you like looking at me that much?” he teases you just a bit and it was as though your breath got stuck in your throat yet again.

you caressed his cheek softly as you gaze back into his eyes and laughed, “i am indeed enjoying the view, very much so.”

he grabbed your waist and pulled your body in close proximity against each other while you had your hands around his neck, and neither of you were breaking eye contact.

he inched his face closer, feeling his breath on your mouth and smiled, “the feeling’s mutual. i too, am enjoying the view.”

“do you wanna get out of here?” he asked you, eyes never leaving yours.

you laughed, realising you didn’t even know his name to continue the night with him, “well, good-looking stranger, as much as you’re such a feast to my eyes, i don’t even know your name.”

“apologise for the bad manners, i’m seungyoun and i hope i can get out of this boring party with you,” he winked.

“in that case seungyoun, i like that very much,” you reached your hands out to intertwine your fingers with his and excitedly left the party to spend the rest of the night with the cute stranger.

[sanfl0werrr]

[22:28]

i see the way you’re fidgeting, the air between us tensed. we were once so passionate, when did the red fade out?

“you love me?” i asked innocently, out of curiosity.

and i know you had nothing to say then, there was nothing to say, but you stood there still staring at me. beneath the sky full of life, the colour in your eyes seemed to have faded away when they’re looking at me.

all i see is just the dull reflection of the sunset, but even then, you looked pretty to me. you were so pretty then despite breaking my heart.

“you,” i paused for a moment, “you loved me?”

“i’m sorry.”

that was all you said.

and i understood what you meant.

“i think i will be happier with them.”

what about me? i wanted to ask you then. did it all mean nothing to you?

but despite the inner cries i wanted to let out, there was this glow to you when you talked about them. you looked happy, you finally looked happy.

and it wasn’t my place to diminish that.

“you love them?” i wanted to cry out.

you took a moment before answering me, standing your ground, “i love them.”

and in that moment i knew, there were no more traces of me left in your heart.

[sanfl0werrr]

[1:59]

“i don’t think i can let you go,” you cried out softly, “i don’t think i ever will. do you have to go?”

he laughs heartily, tightly holding onto your hands, “you don’t have to.”

“i’m always here, and i’m so proud of you,” he pats your head, full of love and adoration in his eyes.

“thank you for being my daughter.”

you let out a small laugh, “are you really proud? even after everything i’ve done?”

“hey,” he puts both his hands up in defence as he laughed, “i’m just a figment of your memory, so i can’t be 100% sure.”

“but i know he’d be proud to have you as his daughter, i know i am.”

you looked down in regret, “i’m sorry, dad. for everything that i’ve done and the way i’ve treated you. i’m really sorry.”

“no,” he shook his head in disagreement, giving you a little comfort, “i’m even more sorry for suddenly leaving you alone. i know we had lots planned; cycling together, travelling to Australia and even teaching you how to drive. i’m sorry i couldn’t be there for all that.”

you slightly smiled, not wanting to blame him at all, “it’s not your fault, dad. you were trying for us all and thank you for never giving up, thank you for being my dad.”

“will you hug me and tell me i did well when we see each other again?”

he laughs heartily again, “you’re already doing so well, my sweet girl, and i will hug you as much as you want, without a doubt.”

you smiled a little wider now, feeling like the little seven year old girl who would ride behind her dad’s bicycle, leaning onto his reliable back as the night breeze grazed their skin.

“till we see each other again, dad.”

“till we see each other, my sweet girl.”

[sanfl0werrr]

I just read and re-read "polaroids of you" and was crying my eyes out. It's so beautiful written and I rarely leave feedback for fan-fiction. You deserve to much more notes, you are talented and I hope you continue to write. Thanks for bringing me joy today. 🙏🏾

omg… i didn’t think that that piece still garnered attention…

i am truly grateful and ultimately awed by this compliment 😭😭 thank YOU for bringing me joy tonight, love ❤️

[sanfl0werrr]

[12:50]

he thinks to himself way too often, that you’d never associate yourself with him. but more often than not, he’d found you circling around him at every moment.

which was weird to him, in fact. because when he’s with you, and when you’re with him, there’d be a never-ending argument about the most random things.

“i personally think that living forever would be disastrous,” he voiced out his opinion, “it would be… repetitive and boring.”

you raised a brow, “imagine living through history and being alive to tell the story! i think it’s amazing to see how the world changes, and of course, the things you’d learnt from experiencing two different eras.”

“but that’s the thing,” he sighed, shaking his head, “you’d have to keep adapting to changes. wouldn’t that be tiring?”

“depends on the individual, really. but if it was possible, i’d be able to have all the time to do the things i’d want.”

he saw how your eyes sparkled, and unintentionally laughed out loud.

“wha-“

he laughs out loud again, put his hands up in defence, “i didn’t mean to laugh that loud.”

“it’s just that, i find it funny at how we’re arguing on the most random-est topics that comes up,” he chuckled, “and why is it only us?”

deep down, he knows he’s not the hopeless romantic everyone thought he is and truth is, he didn’t even know if he could love someone as much as they loved him.

and despite knowing all that, he loved spending time with you and all the random arguments that’s involved. he loved the way you got competitive, and how your eyes lit up every time your argument won against his.

he loved them all.

you scratched your head in confusion, “was it not obvious enough?”

and you watched how his once expressionless face turns into one you couldn’t decipher. you didn’t know if he was on the same page as you.

but when he uttered a question back, you laughed to your heart’s content and were now convinced that he was, in fact, on the same page as you were.

///

he thinks again to himself, that you’re better off without him, but of course, more often than not, he finds you always around him, just like all those years back, where you’d always circle near him.

and again, it felt weird. because this time, he knew this couldn’t last forever and selfishly speaking, he wanted it to last forever.

“i take it back,” he suddenly confessed as he stared at you, “what i said before? i take it all back.”

“what are you talking about?” you laughed in confusion as you fold the clothes into the cabinet, “take what back?”

“that i didn’t want to live forever.”

“because if it’s with you, i want to live forever,” he breathes out as he reclines to his bed, his eyes never leaving your side.

you let out a forced laugh, “wasn’t all that just a rhetorical question?”

“then,” he continued on, “rhetorically speaking, i’d live forever with you. that’s all i need.”

you turned around and crossed your arms, not wanting to show that you were choked on tears, “i take it all back too.”

“i wouldn’t want to live forever,” you sigh in exasperation, “i don’t want to live in a world where there’s no you.”

and unintentionally, he laughed out loud.

he should have known by now, that you were the hopeless romantic in this relationship. and deep down, he knew that if it wasn’t you, he wouldn’t have loved at all.

he realised how selfish it sounds, that he’d want to live forever with you. but as a person who’s like a ticking time bomb, even if it’s a second more, he’d want to be with the person he loved most.

and he knew the moment he utter those words, the one in pain will be you, because you’d still have to continue on living with his last words haunting your mind.

that wasn’t what he wanted, not at all.

“i’m sorry for liking you,” he laughs it off, “i’m sorry for putting you through this.”

you scoff slightly in frustration, “i didn’t ask for any of this.”

and for a moment, he doubted his ears. did his hearing ability deteriorated because he was sick? and to fail at that moment?

“were you expecting me to say that? to lash out at you because you fell sick?”

he heaved a sigh of relief, “you scared me. i really thou-“

you stopped in front of him and rolled your eyes with a lopsided grin, “it’s not your fault.”

“neither of these are yours to blame.”

“we’re just two individual beings that fell in love by fate, but it seems like what’s truly destined for us are different.”

“but whatever’s ahead of us, i will worry about it when i get there. just for today, let me love you like i always have, just like i did in the beginning.”

you watched, once again, how his expressionless face turned into one you couldn’t decipher. you laughed as you held onto his hands, it felt like deja vu.

“can i love you as well?” he chuckled to his heart’s content, his eyes never leaving your side ever.

and you now knew the answer to the question he asked before, the question he uttered from the moment you confessed, “you’ve loved me enough to last me a lifetime, love.”

you let out a small laugh, basking in his presence, because who knows how long this was going to last? you and him were two beings in love with each other, but it wasn’t as if either of you could defy fate.

he saw that you were deep in thought, and decided to say something to lift the mood, “when we meet again next time, let’s argue more than we did this time.”

and you laughed, feeling dumbfounded, “you’d still want to argue next time?”

“there’s still so many topics we’ve yet to cover, and you know how it is,” he nudged you softly, smiling with a glint in his eyes.

“how what is?”

“that love grows as you fight.”

and once again you laughed, “you must have a lot of love in you, huh?”

“because the love is for you,” he let out a low chuckle, “because it’s for you, it’ll never be enough.”

“it’s overflowing even as i lay here, watching you and talking to you. even when we argue, it’s overflowing.”

“alright,” you sigh in defeat at his revelation, “you win this time round.”

“we’ll argue when we meet again. for now, let’s just stay like this. no more arguments today.”

“okay,” he voiced out sleepily, “goodnight, my love.”

“sleep well,” you whispered softly, fully knowing that your time with him was up.

it was the last ever i love you’s and the last ever goodnight.

that night together ended up being the night he went away, and you think to yourself in his stead this time.

both of you were only in love, has it always been this bittersweet?

you think to yourself again, letting yourself smile a little as you thought of him, “i’ll see you next time, my love, and in all our lives after that.”

[sanfl0werrr]

[23:54pm] maybe we weren’t right for each other, but that’s okay. i know we both have loved and been loved as much as we could have loved each other, so that’s okay with me.

but if there’s a possibility we might never meet again, i hope you’ll look back at our memories fondly, look back at me fondly as someone who will always be against the world just to be happy to be by your side.

remember me by the words you’ve whispered in my ears at night, all those years ago, just to comfort me and to keep those anxious thoughts out.

because i will always remember you by the hug you gave me when you said “it’s not me that needs the hug, it’s you. so whenever you need it, say the word and i’ll be there.”

maybe we could’ve made it work, maybe it wouldn’t, but i knew when i loved you, i loved you with all of my heart.

[sanfl0werrr]

exo locksreens

[sanfl0werrr]

“i love you,” younghoon cries out, “you know that.”

you bit your lip, trying to numb the ache in your heart, “no, you don’t.”

“yes i do!” he retorted back.

“no, you don’t!”

“then why do you think i’m here?” his eyes were already brimming with tears, threatening to fall any moment, “i’m here with you!”

“but you chose her, younghoon,” you covered your eyes, wiping away the tears furiously as you turned away from him, “it’s not me you want, it’s her.”

“it doesn’t make a difference that you’re here with me,” you scoffed in disbelief, “you’re not even here for me.”

“please,” younghoon begged, “don’t do this.”

“you don’t get to say that!” you cried out, “not you.”

“i see the way you lit up when you’re with her,” you stepped away from him, “i see the way she makes you happy, in ways that i tried, but failed.”

“in the end,” you sobbed harder than before, “it’ll always be her, it’s always her.”

[sanfl0werrr]

you saw how the emotions in his eyes changed, and for a moment you thought to yourself, "fuck."

but you knew you could no longer fake it out, you could no longer contain your feelings for sunwoo and in your heart, you started loving him more than you thought you would.

"i guess, this is it," the man before you smiled slightly, masking his real emotions, "i wish i wouldn't have found out this way."

"i-i'm sorry," you stuttered, fiddling with your fingers, "i've n-never wanted to do this to you."

ji changmin, your boyfriend of two years stood before you with tears brimming in his eyes, "yeah, i wasn't expecting it either."

"but in reality, sunwoo's the one you love now, right?" he squinted his eyes, suppressing his anger and jealousy, "my own best friend."

changmin walked away for a little bit before coming back to face you, scrunching his face, "and you know what's the hardest thing today? that i'll walk out of here still liking you, still loving you despite everything."

"changmin, please," your voice lingered, shaking your head in denial, "you know i love you, i really do."

"but you chose him," his voice broke, at the edge of breaking down, "not me, but him."

"so, enough of the loving me bullshit," he turned around, not wanting to face you anymore, "it's goodbye now."

and you stood there as you watched his silhouette grew smaller and smaller, unable to move a single inch, guilty at the fact that you had broke the heart of a man you once loved so much.

the heart truly is an unpredictable thing.

[sanfl0werrr]

[12:35]

"i've always wanted to thank you," you let out a heavy breath, your lips quivering.

the man who stood before you looked up to face you, his face breaking into a slight smile, "whatever for?"

"for making me happy, san," you trembled a little as you admitted the fact, "for letting me know that i exist."

san chuckled, "you don't exist just because i say you do, you just do."

"and that's what you do to me," you pursed your lips in a tight smile, "those words.... they saved me. i'm ultimately grateful."

his eyes flickered momentarily before giving you chuckle, "you don't have to thank me for that, y/n."

the exchanged between san and you tore your heart into pieces, because even though you know what's coming, you're never really prepared for how it feels.

"i-"

"you," san cut you off, a broken smile evident on his face, "don't have to say anything."

"i'll see you soon, y/n," he declared, a confident smile now plastered on his face, "wherever you are in this world, we'll definitely meet again."

"so, don't say goodbye," san whispered sadly, loud enough for you to hear, "even after all this, i want to see you again, yeah?"

"till we see each other again?" you breathed out, for the final time.

san caressed your head, never leaving your side, "till we see each other again."