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[sapphic-writing]

I wanna add to this post on why this participates in Hawks being one of my favourite characters (out of all medias, and one of the only characters I'm really invested in from mha)

Of course he has charisma and is competent in his job which are things that will make me like a character most of the time.

But my top favourite thing is how he always worked to break the cycle of abuse and madness that he was always in.

He doesn't blame villains for choosing their path.

Never "oh but I had a dark past too. If I didn't fall into more violence, then there's not reason you couldn't. You just didn't try enough." He understands how trauma and abuse can tempt to repeat patterns and loose it, he listens and he wants to help. He believes people can change, he is an optimistic.

He isn't acting like a man child.

He is responsible for his actions. Doesn't play the victim (even tho he is one) to ever justify anything. He understands his emotions and other emotions and even when he doesn't, he accepts it and does his best to process it.

HE TOOK CARE OF HIS ABUSERS???

Okay so on this one I would have also loved him if he had just yeeted all those assholes outside of his life because he has every right to do so. And so do every victim of abuse. But he was still providing for his mother at 22??? A woman who sold him off at the first sign of danger and then ran away. After her son was back from war? When he was in the hospital??? Seriously, what is wrong with her ? What the actual fuck. This just shows how forgiving and kind this man is. Yet he doesn't hesitate to play harsh love with the population and throwing the truth in their face at the presentation of the most popular heroes. I love this duality.

To be honest he is probably the incarnation of "you're so mature!" "Thanks, it's the trauma!" Except that instead of saying it's because of trauma he's like "thx, just doing my best."

Anyways, uh, I have to go make lunch. My point is, he is basically an anti sad-boy and I love him.

Does anyone else ever get sad thinking about the abuse Hawks went through as a kid? Because I keep making myself sad thinking about it.

It's so many different kinds of fucked up that just mixed together and created one huge toxic environment.

#1) The physical abuse.

Right off the bat, Chapter 299 starts with Keigo getting hit by his father for leaving the house. It doesn't actually show Keigo being smacked, instead it shows a panel of their "home". (although it's extremely small and looks more like a broken down shack in a field to me)

But the sound of the "smak" is very much punctuated in the panel, followed by Keigo hunched over with marks on his face:

The marks on his face are prevalent. Even in the smaller panel, Keigo still has a very obvious bruise under his eye and above his eyebrow.

THEN he gets kicked in the side/stomped on for "turning his back" on his father?? (Aka doing nothing. Literally what did he do?? Wtf?):

He's getting smacked and kicked around, but instead of crying or getting upset he just endures. Which brings me to:

#2) The Emotional and verbal abuse. (Strap in cause there's a lot of it.)

Keigo apologizes after his father kicks him for no reason, then he curls up into a ball, clings to his Endeavor plushy, and listens as his own father rants about how much he wishes that Keigo was never born.

^^^^^^^ LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID ASSHOLE. HE'S LITERALLY CLINGING TO HIS PLUSHY FOR COMFORT!! WHY ISN'T ANYONE HUGGING HIM??? CAN I HUG HIM??

Keigo says that he knew his parents were broken, so he endured because he wanted to avoid their fate.

Basically: "I know my parents are broken, but need to endure because I don't want to become broken too."

That's a horrible mindset for a child to have?? He's basically saying that he just needs to take the abuse and hope that he doesn't break because of it?

And I don't know how he wouldn't break from it with the way his parents talk to him, and all the horrible things they say:

The constant screaming/yelling. Like Shit.

"Don't do a damn thing!" " Who did you sell me out too?? You can't fool me!!" "Don't leave this house!" "Don't you dare lie to me!!" "Don't go talking to anyone!!" "You thought you'd get away with it didn't you??"

"How many times have I told you not to turn your back on me??"

"If only that punk was never born I'd be free."

"Why were you even born?" "Why do you even have those wings?"

He's gotten it from both parents. And every time it happens he just hugs his plushy a little tighter.

#3) The neglect.

In pretty much all panels of Keigo's home theres Trash everywhere. If you go back and look at the house there isn't a single panel without some kind of trash in the frame. I see beer bottles, wine bottles, wooden planks, trash bags, newspapers, dirty rags, dirty laundry hanging from the wall & hangers, floor boards coming up, leaks from the top of the walls.

The "house" is barely holding together as it is. It looks like it's about to collapse, and the inside makes you think a tornado ran through it. Nobody is bothering to clean up the mess. In fact the only person who seems to be patching up the house is Keigo. This seems to be a routine for him since he can be seen picking up a wooden plank to fix the wall. Too bad his father kicked him before he could repair the hole 🙃.

Seriously does the "house" even have running water? The windows are broken the walls are made of tin roofing tiles. Does it even have heating or insulation? It's obviously not suitable for a child. I'd be afraid that the roof was gonna fall on me while I was sleeping.

I understand they can't buy a proper home. But it wouldn't be so bad if someone acutely bothered to clean the inside a bit. At least maintain the house so your kid doesn't step on a nail, or glass from a beer bottle. IF A CHILD CAN PATCH UP A WALL SO CAN YOU. WHY IS KEIGO DOING ALL THE WORK?

You people are gonna get rats and bugs. (If you dont have them invading your "house" already)

And that's only the house.

What about Keigo? He doesn't even have shoes. His shirt is torn at the seams. And his parents didn't even notice when he left? Keigo's dad yelled at him for leaving the house and going outside, but was anyone even watching him in the first place? How does your child leave the house and make it halfway to the city before you notice? This little bird looks like he weighs 5 pounds! He's gonna get kidnapped!!

His mom is obviously unstable and she stares at the wall all day. And his dad hates him for existing. So I guess no one was watching him?

His mom also doesn't really seem to care when Keigo gets yelled at, hit, and kicked either. She just kinda stares at the wall. Then when her and Keigo become homeless and start living in a train station she guilt trips him into stealing for her. Like Really??

HE GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT TOO! You sent your child out to steal for you and he literally got into a car accident. He managed to save everyone involved but still, are trying to get your son hit by a truck? This is why I have so many mixed feelings about Tomie.

#4) Being held hostage in his own home.

This one is self explanatory. Keigo got hit in the face just for going outside. He was held hostage in his home for so long that he didn't even know heroes existed. And this is a society where heroes are everywhere. I'm sure it was a lonely childhood, kinda hard to make childhood friends when you get beaten just for leaving the house.

#5) Whatever the fuck "rough training" was.

I know we haven't seen Keigos "rough" training yet. Horikoshi only went into a little bit of detail about it when he mentioned that the commission taught Hawks negotiation skills as a kid. And then theres that one image in the Season 4 outro where Keigo has a blindfold on as a child during training.

But I still would like to know more.

Why would you put a child through "rough" training, strip him of his name, and tell him it's all because he's gonna become a "special hero" right after you've pulled him out of an extremely abusive situation. Like, you aren't gonna wait a bit? Preferably until he's a teenager? Not gonna give him therapy or something?

Isn't pulling a child out of an abusive situation and putting them through "rough training" kinda like transfering them from one abusive household to another?

LET THE BOY REST! LET THE KID BE A KID. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CHILDHOOD AND HE'S ALREADY MISSED OUT ON MOST OF HIS!!

The training can wait.

If you want help him and support his family, do it out of the kindness of your heart and not because you think he'd be a useful hero.

I honestly don't know how this "training" went for Keigo, but considering that he doesn't currently have the best relationship with the HPCS . . . Well I don't know. All I know is that he never really seems too happy around people from the commission. He doesn't seem to agree with any of their ideologies either.

Honestly I just want him to find peace!

Based on what we've seen so far, (*cough* especially from the Todoroki family *cough*) you really shouldn't be training a child to become a hero in the first place. The training can start as a teenager if someone chooses to train.

Look at the way you massacred my boy! Give the kid a break for fucks sake!!

And these are just the early years. Don't get me started on everything else ✋🙄

[sapphic-writing]

A substitute

This is me being productive thank uuuu

Again, writing about my beloved Hawks ! Another Character study but with a little more plot!

Family dinners were a thing Hawks had never attended. So when Inko Midoriya invited him to a dinner with her son in their apartment, it felt personal enough for him to be touched.

With all the things that Izuku had been going through in the last months, Hawks had became a friend to him. After all, he was one of the only people the kid would talk to because of his work obsession, he had reassured the poor mother several times when they met in the hospital and the hero saved the student's ass more than once.

Inko was thankful for all of that and Hawks enjoyed her company. So initially, it was him who invited her and the kid to his favorite restaurant as he always did with people he grew found of. But the offer had been negotiated and twisted by the woman, in such a way that he ended up knocking at their door on a Saturday night at 6:49 pm.

He entered and was struck by how warm the small flat felt. There wasn't much, but he could feel all the love and care that was put into the relationships of the people inhabiting this nest.

The reason it appeared obviously to him was because he was used to the atmosphere of his own house to be oppressing and awkward. Even since he had been left alone, his mother had somehow let those feelings behind her like a sticky mud imbedding every furniture and parquet lick. It wasn't as overwhelming as when it flooded the whole place, letting Keigo in a constant fight for a breath of air, suffocating most of the time, but it was there. He was surprised by how the small home of the Midoriyas seemed deprived of any of this.

He sat down with them and they conversed while eating. Every now and then, Inko thanked him again for the times he had saved her son's life. Hawks would always accept it and say that the kid was a future great hero, it would be a shame to let him die at this age. A statement to which she agreed proud and loud while her son tried to hide the pleasure those flatteries provided him. A feeling of longing emerged in Hawks as he watched the woman compliment her flesh and blood. Squishing his hand when she reminded him of how much she loved him and sometimes blushing, as if she didn't deserve such an amazing kid as her Izuku. It was such a strange thing to see this mother invested in her son's dreams and ambitions.

While Hawks did know it should be a usual thing in a functioning family, being at the first row to witness this made him feel a lump in his throat.

When the student couldn't bare to be the subject of anymore compliments, he switched the conversation to the professional hero in a rather obvious way that none of the two others decided to take notice of.

After a few work anecdotes, the woman came to ask what she should call the hero outside of work.

"I have been going by Hawks for over ten years now." He answered. "But thank you for asking. You must have seen Touya's broadcast too. I really appreciate that you asked despite knowing my name."

"Why do you keep using your hero name in private if your identity is out to the public by now?" Izuku asked. Then he put his chin in his hand and tried to answer his own question before the hero could. "Altho I have to admit that after a decade of never using it, it could feel unfamiliar and strange to you. And just because the public knows about your name's reputation doesn't mean that you would want them to be reminded of it- not that your name defines your value... Or that you really care about your public image, now that I think of it."

While he was trailing off, Inko's face decomposed as she grew more and more horrified of how intrusive her son was being without realizing it. Hawks finished chewing his bite before cutting the boy off.

"Actually, I am in fact used to be called Hawks more than to be called Keigo or Takami. But I also like to think of it as always being working. I wake up and go to bed Hawks. I am myself as a hero and therefore I don't need a personal life next to it."

The boy nodded thoughtfully while the mother thanked him for sharing this with them and apologized for her son's comportment. Realizing only now what he had done, Izuku was quick to apologize with even more embarrassment than his mother if it was possible and it took Hawks a few minutes to seemingly convince them they had done no harm.

Once both the mother and son calmed down, Inko found the courage to start a new subject of conversation.

"About you always working. While I understand the necessity of it, is it something that all heroes are doing?" She said looking down at her plate.

Before Hawks could say anything, Izuku grabbed his mother's harm in a comforting way. "I will choose what kind of hero I am. And I know I don't want to be one without you. I have already tried cutting people out. I am never doing that again, I promise."

Inko gripped her son's arm back, tears growing in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Izuku. I just got scared for you again for an instant." The boy comforted her with a few words and she swallowed her tears to apologize to their guest.

"I'm sorry you saw this. I invited you to have a good time, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"There's no problem." The man answered in a detached way. But his stomach now felt heavy and he wasn't hungry, so he grabbed his cup to drink instead.

It wasn't because he thought Inko made a scene or that he was uncomfortable with feelings in general. But the worry of the woman for her son had him wondering for a second if she would ever reveal personal informations about him if she was threatened. And the answer imposed itself to the man, she would never. And she would most definitely not then leave with only a note waiting in an empty hoise for her injured son coming back from a stay at the hospital after a war.

Thoughts about his mother creeped into Hawks' mind. Mostly questions, since she had left without any indication of where she was going.

Witnessing Inko's dedication to her child triggered some instincts in Hawks that were urging him to run to his own mother in the search of comfort. Hut despite this natural reflex, his brain couldn't picture such a scene. Not with the detached and clueless woman that was Tomie Takami. Not with the unnatural relationship they had. Actually, he knew that she would be the one to one day desperately come back to him when she will have spent all the money she took with her.

He carried the conversation with the Midorias for a while. Staying in their home this night was as if a sadistic entity was mockingly shaking a toy in front of a child who would never be able to even imagine the joy of holding it in their hands. So he finally declared he was leaving, sooner than he probably would have otherwise. He thanked the attentionate family and went for a fly outside. For a while, he had no clue of where he was going. After a while of wandering in his immense city, he found himself drawn back to his favorite restaurant. He stared at the closed place from a higher building. Lost in his thoughts and faced by the mediocrity of the comfort this place brought to him.

Was the title too subtle about the restaurant vs family dinner being a parallel of how Hawks finds substitute for his non existent childhood and family in things that aren't personal?

[sapphic-writing]

Publishing more than one piece of writing in less than a week? What is happening to me?

Anyways, another One Shot with Hawks. This time it starts in his time when he was training with the commission. I love mentality stable adults but period depression said "give me the teen angst juice"

Hawks woke up and all it took for his day to become clouded was his mother complaining. It doesn't really matter what she complained about, she frankly any reason would have taken Hawks' mood down. But today she was complaining about being out of her favourite patisseries like a four years old with no biscuits left for her snacks.

The teen answered in a cold tone that she would just have to go buy them herself, then he went out of the house so he wouldn't snap at her.

The polite little boy had been gone for a while. Since his voice and body started changing, his view of the world was shifting but his emotions were as strong and hard to manage. So he would snap and get mad, reminding himself it wasn't fair or his fault his mother depended on a kid. He didn't have anything to be thankful for towards her.

So he heads to his training lessons and it's intense as always. It's frustrating because he feels he's been stagnant in his progress for a while now. He had been through this before. You start a new thing, you make big progresses in it, you stagnate for a while until you go up again. It was a simple and universal learning process. Yet he was obviously becoming agitated and frustrated by it, which didn't help brighten his day. In fact, from grumpy, he was now anxious.

He turned to his instructors, in a desperate act. He prompted them on topics that were troubling him. "Hey, how were your teen years?" "Do you ever feel out of place or behind?" "How was your relationship with your mother?". But was only met with vague answers, if any at all, and the conversation stopped there.

Coming home exhausted, he went straight to the bathroom with the idea of cleaning himself. But as he stared in the glass, tears were coming up to warm his eyes and he spent more time fighting them.

No friends, no mentor and a lost cause for a mother. That was what he thought while taking a hot water shower pretend the tears weren't there. The only person he could rely on in days like these were himself. And he would just have to suffer through it until the torments or his teenage years would fade away.

A few years later and if he was still struggling. He had gained maturity, he was more patient with his mother. His feelings about her had gone from anger to pity. And with time, he had decided she was a weight he would have to carry for as long as needed. Because no matter what happened, she was his mother. She was distant, emotionally detached from him, didn't know how to love or function, but she was the woman he had the responsibility to take care of.

The truth was that he would have probably been better off without her. He could have sent her money instead of taking care of this woman as a part time job. The most healthy thing for him would have been to cut contacts with this person who had only ever dragged him down. It was almost like taking care at a toddler. But Hawks was a hero. And a man too nice to let anyone down. And just like with any other thing he did as a hero, a feeling of fulfillment came along with his actions. Almost drowning the sour feelings he had repressed about his mother.

[sapphic-writing]

Alright back on posting stuff I write and I've caught up on mha lately. While I'm not that much into it, there is one more character that grabbed my attention and became my new comfort character. So enjoy a One Shot about Hawks.

A small funeral was organized for Toya Todoroki. His villain companions had all been arrested and nobody else but his family cared about him. A few of the adversaries he has had showed up. Midoriya, All Might, Aizawa and Hawks. None of the people present felt at their place here, but they had still decided to come. Mostly as a simple question of respect, either for their old enemy or for the mourning family.

But we are not here to talk about the tragedy of the eldest Todoroki son, who died like he lived. Consumed by his obsession. No, actually, we are here because of one of the guests who hoped to have a word with the youngest Todoroki.

While the body was burning in the crematorium, people who weren't family got on their way to their cars. All Might the Izuku passed in front of the family, presenting their condolences. The younger one asked his friend how he was feeling.

"I feel like I failed them." Shoto said, glancing at his family. "I promised I would try to help fix this family. But I failed.  I don't know how I will forgive myself."

Now embarrassed, Izuku wished he had just made his way to the car with All Might and waited another time to talk with him. The Todorokis were silent and Midoriya was thinking of the best way to tell his friend he wasn't responsible for Toya's fate. That is when Hawks invited himself into the conversation.

"Hello, Shoto. I hope you don't mind but I just heard your confession." It was one of the few times the hero was pulling a solemn face on. It was unsettling but fitting for the event. The boy shook his head as a sign he didn't mind but the other was already talking again.

"I'm very admirative of how much you brought to your family. I'm not trying to make it about me, but I know what a broken family is. I failed at maintaining it together from the start and could never fix anything. What you brought and how much forgiveness you gave is simply admirable. I don't think there was anything to do for your brother. You already keep this family together with admirable strength." Shoto was looking at him with surprised eyes. Before he could answer, yet another voice came from behind them.

"Don't make the kid feel like he is the one who has to take care of the family." Aizawa had walked up to them too. "Holding a family together is never a kid's job." He got closer to Shoto, then the rest of the family to present his condolences. They thanked him and as the four guests were finally walking away, you could hear the conversation heating up in the family.

Unsatisfied with the way things went, Hawks followed Aizawa who was about to join his husband in their car.

"How do you know what you said applies to this kid's case?" He said, walking up to the two men in the most casual way he could pull off. "A family is always a group work. And the kid really was the only reason this family didn't split up, so-"

"If not everyone is willing to give their best at a group project, then it's going to fail. You can't put it all on one person."

"But a team needs a leader."

Aizawa stopped half way through hoping in the car to look at Takami. "Not a kid. Adults need to be adults and take responsibilities. A reasonable person won't expect a child to fulfil this role."

Somehow, Takami could tell the hero knew he wasn't trying to challenge his view, but rather looking for answers.

"And what if the kid is the only one who wants to do anything about what's happening?"

"Then it will fail. You can't force people to care. Sometimes, a family is ruined and it is better to accept it." He paused for a second, considered the blond man in front of him, and got his left leg out of the car to fully face him. "Why are you so interested in my opinion on this?"

Altho Takami could hide it, emotions were strangling his throat and it took some effort for him to talk.

"I just started projecting. I guess I took this a little too personally." And he was about to drop it here, but Aizawa took a step in his direction and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know your mother was the one who leaked your personal information and I know you're an adult. But I'm sorry for the kid who never got to be one. You shouldn't blame yourself for those in charge who neglected you and your relationships." There was something about the recent war, Aizawa's comforting touch and Hizashi's soft look from the car that led Keigo to let down his walls for a moment, and his shoulders started shaking under Aizawa's hand.

It pulled the teacher's heart strings. Nothing made him angrier than adults leaving abusive traces onto their children. And if in his eyes, once adult, they had to take responsibility and learn to deal with these things without someone to babysit them, he just had to remember being 23 to know the hero was barely starting to be a man.

For a second, relief and old scars showed on Keigo's expression, and Aizawa decided that the best thing to do was to wrap his arms around the boy and pull him in an awkward hug.

"You were very strong. Sometimes if a family doesn't want to stick together, there is nothing you can do. No matter how hard you try."

The hero had been waiting for a long time to tell Shoto how admirative he was. Maybe as a way to put himself down for failing at what he thought was his responsibility. He had always pushed away the angry part of his mind, blaming his parents. He told himself that if he could bring his mother all the comfort she was asking for, somehow, she would finally want him as a son, seeing how much of a good one he was.

"Is it bad to feel she was a weight that I got off my shoulders?" Saying it out loud made the thought worse than he ever imagined.

"No, it's not."

Keigo took deep breaths against Aizawa's shoulder. Relaxing and letting out a tension he barely realised he had in him. Tears warmed up his eyes and he failed to fight it before wrapping his arm around the hero. Letting the kid inside him weep in the arms of a comforting adult for the first time.

[sapphic-writing]

Disney stop trying to deny that movies like Raya and the last dragon and Luca are gay. Us lgbtq people could smell the gay through the screen.

[sapphic-writing]

Enrico Casarosa insisting that "Luca" is based on a FRIENDSHIP he had as a child-

[sapphic-writing]

I have been saying this, disney been giving us amazing gay stories by accident this year

2021 really is the year Disney figured out they can tell gay stories as long as they don’t ever say it out loud.

[sapphic-writing]

Still about Luca because I can’t stop thinking about it… yeah maybe it’s not intentional representation, yeah maybe it’s valid only if you go by the death of the author theory, but you know what? I’m gay and I’m Italian and I’m 36 years old and if a movie like Luca had come out when I was in my early teens I would have DIED because damn, at 12 I couldn’t even imagine that being affectionate with a boy, liking a boy, holding a boy, forming a deep bond with a boy could be something so sweet and innocent and natural. At 12, back in the 90s, what I felt towards boys made me feel wrong, like I was creepy or dirty. Even just a hint of a relationship like that between Luca and Alberto would have made me feel less alone and less wrong.

Queer people were once queer children, even before discovering anything about sex. Queer children, even those who still don’t know themselves, especially those, deserve to see themselves in their heroes. The representation in Luca may have been accidental, but it’s so, so important.

[sapphic-writing]

Luca Spoiler!

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Don’t know if this has been addressed already, but can we just point out the fact Alberto outed HIMSELF and not Luca??? When he started asking Giulia if sea monsters would be accepted into her school, I immediately started getting scared because I seriously thought he was going to push Luca in the ocean and out him in front of her. But instead, he revealed his OWN identity. He put his OWN life in danger. Both he and Luca knew sea monsters were WILDLY unaccepted and even KILLED in Portorosso and Alberto still took it upon himself to show everyone he was a monster instead of pointing fingers at Luca. And when Luca pretended to be shocked … the hurt on Alberto’s face. Ugggh! My HEART!!! 💔

[sapphic-writing]

I just want to say that it has been months since the girls have been in Amphibia. 2 months since Marcy at the gates (she said Polly's legs would be coming out in two months) Anne said they have been traveling for weeks in Marcy at the gates, so let's say it was a little bit over a month. It's 3 months for season 2 and I think Anne stayed around 6 months in Wartwood in season 1 (in the first episode, Hop Pop said that she couldn't go out of the valley for half the year because of some seasonal things)

So it's approximately been 9 months since Marcy's dad announced they were moving. I doubt that they were supposed to move out in more than 9 months (usually when you get a new job, it's less than 4 months before you start it).

At this point, they either moved out without her (maybe hoping it would help them move on or they just couldn't refuse a job) or the dad turned down the job offer and they stayed in town. Hoping she would one day return

I'm Not Sure Marcy's Parents would Move once they find out everything she's been through. At least not unless Marcy said it was okay.

It depends on what they're like. They didn't seem all that sympathetic to Marcy's feelings from what little we heard from them. I've seen some people theorize that they've already moved. I guess we'll see what kind of parents they turn out to be in season 3.

[sapphic-writing]

It's Too Soon to Say Goodbye

I wrote this before we got the season 3 intro, so Marcy's dead here.

As the portal closed, Grime grabbed the music box on the floor before Andrias could. He turned around to see Sasha frozen behind the enraged king.

“Marcy?” She asked in a small voice.

Grime called her out and threw the box. She caught it, her eyes still on the corps of her friend.

“I’ll take care of her. Get out.” He shouted. Sasha finally snapped back and ran to the closest window to disappear behind the sill. The music box in one hand and a dagger in the other to help her hold onto the walls outside.

Andrias went after her but Grime was behind him. While the newt was trying to push his body through the window to reach the girl, Grime grabbed the hammer and went to smash it on the king’s tail. As the enemy was screaming in pain, Grime went back to pick up Marcy, unconscious but still trembling, and went to the door. Finding his way outside as the castle was getting back onto the ground, he took a jump off the structure and ran. He noticed the streets were strangely calm and realized the citizens must have evacuated the town in panic during their fight. Knowing it could be his only chance, he went for the gates. They were still open. Guards were trying to keep amphibians in place as the crowd was pressing itself in and out the city through the doors. He took a jump over them and used fists to push away the remaining newts in front of him. Outside, the army of toads had vanished. Spears and shields lying in water, dropped in the panic caused by Andrias’ demonstration of the calamity box’s powers. The girl on his back had stopped shaking at some point in his run and he could feel her getting colder as time went on.

It didn’t take long for him to hear the screams of rage from Sasha, using swords to get through the people at the gates. She kept screaming in frustration when she got outside. Grime went to her.

“We have to go.” She took a look at Marcy on the toad’s shoulder, nodded and they both ran until they lost their breath. Then they walked until they got out of sight from the people in Newtopia.

Past the first trees of the closest woods, they stopped and Grime laid Marcy down against a tree. Sasha dropped the sword still in her hand and the music box to the ground, going for her friend.

“Hey, Marmar. Are you okay? Do you hear me?” Her words stuck in her throat when she landed her eyes on the hole in the girl’s chest for the first time.

As she fell silent, Grime called her name out. Ignoring him, she grabbed her human friend by the shoulders.

“It’s okay, Marcy. We can fix it, I’ll fix it. We’re in a magic world, there is a way to heal you, you’re gonna be okay. Open your eyes, listen to me!” Her voice broke as she was met with no response or sign of consciousness.

“Sasha.” Grime called again, more firmly.

She put a hand on her mouth and the other to the ground as she faced down, unable to face the corps anymore. As she kept whispering to herself. “You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. You’ve got to be okay.”

Later, long after the sun went down and Grime found food for the two of them, he suggested to bury the body into the ground.

“Stay back. We are not doing that.” She answered violently. Standing in front of him, her back turned to the girl that they hadn’t moved.

“We can’t keep her body with us as we go around, Sasha. You need to give your friend a funeral.”

“We are not doing that!” She repeated. “I am not burying Marcy. I am not letting her down, I-” words got twisted in her throat. She moved to press her back against a tree and let herself slide down against it. Her eyes still avoiding the corpse. “I’m not ready. I can’t say goodbye.” She buried her face in her shaking hands.

This sight of Sasha, a girl he knew as a warrior, made Grime’s guts twist. He sat next to her, unsure of what to say. He awkwardly passed an arm around her shoulders and she immediately began to shake with spasms as she was fighting to swallow the sobs rising in her throat. A whimper made its way to her mouth and she gave up. Letting tears fill her eyes. Trying to keep her hiccups quiet as she knew they were currently in a hostile environment. But failing to do so as it felt like her chest would explode if she kept it in.

Vigilant to the sound of any soldier approaching in the night, the commander stayed silent. Letting Sasha mourn her friend. They would have to bury her quicker than she was ready to. At the moment, all he could do was allow the girl to let it out.

[sapphic-writing]

Screw boys

VENT FIC **** I wrote it for me but maybe you can enjoy it

Mentions of alcohol and bad language

Edit and beta reading are for pussies, we die like women.

Modern AU with Ulla, Donella and Ulf (or in the mid 90's). OOC.

What happens when a college student passes his exams and that the parents of said student own a field on the side of the town, that isn’t rally occupied yet? Well first he thinks he could invite the people of his promo to celebrate their results on a hot summer night. Then he thinks he might as well invite people he knew in high school. A few people ask if they can bring some of their friends with them, nothing crazy. More and more people are invited and inviting. Before you know it, the upcoming party have the reputation of the most crazy party thrown in town for the upcoming decade. And the starter of it isn’t sure he could stop it even if he wanted to.

Ulla, being Ulla, counts herself in the first wave of guests. Mark, a close friend from high school had gotten her into it. And she herself, had gotten her brother and Donella on the guest list, alongside with other pears. The only thing that kept her two acolytes from bailing on this party as they witnessed it growing with horror, was the idea of leaving Ulla alone at a huge event like that, without backup. Ulf especially, being the designated driver.

And they couldn’t have greater regrets, when they found themselves sitting anxiously in the grass. Observing the other teenagers drinking like it was the end of the world.

Ulla had wandered off with Mark, glad to catch up with him, but most of all, she needed to get one thing straight ass there was one thing that had been bugging her for a while.

“Hey, dude. Can I talk to you for a sec?” She asked, now merry. “C’mon, let’s go where there’s less noise. We can’t hear shit here.”

It wasn’t really out of the party, not even outside of the land that the parents of the holder of the event actually owned, because of course people had taken the party well pass it. But they found a tree and it was a good enough thing to lay against.

“Okay, alright. So you remember how you told me about having regrets and stuff, and you wanted to ask me one thing but in the end you didn’t? I wanna know, man. I know it has something to do with me. I need, I need to know what it is. Like, if I want to trust you again.”

“Hmmmm okay, you wanna know?” He asks with a smile, rolling against the trunk to face her. “Do you have regrets about that time we both had a crush on eachother but none of us made a moove?”

“What if I did?”

He detached himself from the tree to stand in front of the girl. “I don’t know. But I mean, it’s never too late.”

“Aren’t you dating Millie?” Ulla asked playfully as he approached her.

“I think she could be okay with this.”

Ulla got closer to him, her breath brushing his lips as she spoke.

“So, now that, out of high school, I take more care of myself, put make up on and make efforts to wear nice clothes, I become interesting to you? Because you find me just so pretty. Better than the girl in high school?”

“You know you’re so god damn pretty now, doll.” And as he was playing with her hair, slowly closing his eyes as as he was opening his lips and getting closer, she spat right in his mouth.

He backed up with a sound of disgust and Ulla took the opportunity to get away from the tree and him.

“Won’t be seeing you again, Mark. But since you were so eager to put your tong in my mouth, I’m leaving you a souvenir. Bon soir.” she finished with a terrible accent and a reverence. Getting out of his sight before he got mad or violent.

Wandering through the many faces of wrecked students, she eventually found her brother at the exact same place he was when she left.

“Where’s Donnie?” She asked. He gestured to somewhere to her left, and she saw her with what was definitely not her first cup in hand.

“I don’t like you.” She told a guy, straight up to his face. The girls around them laughed hysterically as he started crying.

Ulla turned away from the scene and dropped her forehead on Ulf’s shoulder. “I wanna go home.”

“You okay, Ul’?” He asked, putting a hand on her back. She groaned and threw her head backward.

“The second I become fuckable, one of the guys I consider one of my best friends starts to want to do me like I take care of myself only for his pleasur or something.” She look at him in the eyes and tries to play it less hurt than she was. “He ignored my strong personality and one, it doesn’t work. Second, I don’t appreciate.” She continued mumbling a third, fourth and more reasons of ways it had offended her. Ulf nodded without trying to understand more and called the other mess he was in charge of. “Don, we’re going home!” Once she registered the information, she went in their direction without a protest. The girls behind started booing and asking her to stay because she made them laugh.

“Men are shit.” Ulla declared as she threw an arm around the shoulders of an already legless Donella.

“Tell me about it.” She responded as Ulf was helping her not to fall. They started walking to Donella’s parents car.

“Also, we’re not talking to Mark no more.” and before any of the two others could answer, Ulla’s name was screamed not far from where they were. “Ah, shit.”

“God, Ulla. You pissed him off!”

“Like it’s a surprise.”

The scream had made a few heads turn for a second before going back to the madness. The redhead girl let go of her arm around Donella and turned around.

“You want to complain because I didn’t let you screw me? Big, big dick move since your girlfriend’s around.” Indeed, Millie was looking at the scene with confusions. “Better, you want to pretend that nothing happened and keep dating her. So you can cheat more or something.”

He didn’t answer. Ulf’s guess was that he was expecting to find her alone and not with two other people who would completely be on her side. Millie came closer and looked at him, waiting for a reaction from her boyfriend. He looked at her in the eyes.

“C’mon, babe. You can’t believe her. She’s just drunk and jealous and…”

“Tell me the truth.” She calmly said with a determined stair. And suddenly he wasn’t able to hold on her look and he fell silent.

Ulla advanced to be at the poor girl’s side. “It’s okay, Mil. We can take you home if you want.” Ulf wasn’t certain their parents would be okay with a surprise guest, but he wasn’t about to open his mouth right now.

He took the three girls to the car. Ulla on the backseat, against the window, with Ulla next to her to take care of her in case there was a puking accident. And Millie on the sit next to him as the conductor. First they trash talked about Mark. Then uplifted each-other in that way that girls do. Donella did have an accident and they managed to keep the damages in the car minimal.

The next day, Ulla and Millie were dealing with a hangover while Ulf and Donella, who never had had a bad hangover in her life despite being the one drinking the most in the trio, were explaining to the Rusf parents why there was another girl in their flat. Not that they took it as badly as Ulf’s anxious mind had anticipated.

Bonus I wanted to include but couldn’t :

(After Mark called after Ulla, she is talking)

“And what’s with you and red heads? Do you have a fetish or something? You’re gonna try and fuck Ulf next time?” Mark makes a disgusted face. “What? Oooooooh, but that’s gay! You can’t say that to a manly man like me!” She says in a high pitched voice, pretending to look offended. “Well look, I’ll be fucking your girlfriend before you. She is ways more fuckable than you are.”

[sapphic-writing]

I WANT to write but my whipe is on my laptop and my cat is sleeping on my legs so I cannot MOVE to get my laptop kxndndb

[sapphic-writing]

The sound of the rain

It was a hot day in Old Corona. Farmers were working hard in their field. Beating the dirt with their instruments, weeping the sweat from their forehead and yelling at the youngs to quit swinging the lead and get back to work.

On this country side picture, similar to an ink stain, was a group of two men in their twenties and a grey haired woman in her fifties. They were turning calf wrenches and screwdrivers, beating nails into a huge rectangular pile of metal with hammers.

They packed everything and stopped their din (to the relief of many ears) to get into a relatively huge house, not long after the sky turned orange.

In the entrance, was directly the kitchen. Donella wiped her hands on a ruined piece of fabric, a satisfied look on her face. She sat on a chair and put her crossed feet on Quirin's table. Varian gave her a disapproving look that she choose to ignore.

"Thanks for giving us a hand, Don." Hugo said, "We will run a few tests tomorrow, but I think we're good. We'll be back at the castle tomorrow night if everything goes well."

"I hope Catalyna did well at guarding the library." Varian said, crossing his arms nervously. His fiance put his hands on the black haired man's shoulders from behind, and Varian leaned in.

"Don't worry, there hasn't been any sign of smock from Corona so far. She just has to keep it safe from Lance - and thieves thirsty for power - for a day more."

The smaller man raises his eyes to the sky and gently hits his partner with his right elbow while clicking his tongue. But both Hugo and Donella catch the smirk on his face.

The woman let the couple mess around a little more before speaking.

"Well then, I am no longer needed here. I'll be gone by tomorrow morning. Can't wait to hear about this baby from you, boys."

The two stop their fight to look at her. Varian feels Hugo getting a little tense, so he asks "Already? Don't you want to join us in the castle for a few days? We could show you around and share some of our work together?"

But Donella shakes her head. "No, thank you. Castles are not my favorite place. And I have work to get back to."

Varian doesn't insist, so he squeezes Hugo's hand and offers Donella some tea, at least. Donella doesn't like tea, normally she would have asked for a black coffee instead. But she knew there wasn't any in Quirin's house. The only fancy things he had were the gifts he received from his son, now able to afford things like tea, sometimes hot chocolate and probably coffee too, but she could understand why Varian didn't offer such a thing to a man with everlasting eye-bags.

Speaking of him, the door was now cracking, as Quirin got back in his home, finally leaving behind him a long work day in the field.

"Hello, Quirin." Hugo said, then bit his tongue remembering that they had already briefly seen each other the morning. But the old man doesn't point it out and salutes them back.

"Hello, Hugo. Hello, son." He turns to the last one and nods towards her "Donella." He stares at her for a few seconds, until she removes her feet from the table to sit straight, silent.

Varian informs Quirin he is about to make tea and offers to prepare him a cup too. His father accepts and Varian rolls up his sleeves to get to work. Donella didn't even get the chance to refuse the beverage, so she decides to roll with it.

The room is now silent. You can only hear the clicks of the pot Varian is preparing while Hugo starts a fire in the fireplace.

Then the pot of tea is warming above the flames and the silence becomes too awkward between her and Quirin, now sitting on the other side of the table. So she gets up and decides that she prefers being invading to the couple and comes watch after the tea too.

She crosses the room. Nobody commented on her movements, so she leans against the right side of the fireplace. On the left one is the couple, watching the flames together. Varian is holding Hugo, humming some kind of lullaby.

Donella feels the ghost of an old warm feeling in her stomach when she hears the humming. She turns to Varian and asks "what are you singing?"

"It's a song dad sang me to sleep when I was little." He answers absently, keeping his eyes on the flames. His chin on Hugo's shoulder, who he's wrapping from behind. He sings the song from the beginning, in a clear voice so Donella can hear the lyrics.

"When you're upset you can forget the person in your mirror

The world faints and everything is just an error

But you can feel my arms around you

Focus on their warmth, and-"

"and it's your cue" Varian turns to Donella, who cut him through the verse. She continues. "To listen to the rain"

And they finish together "Just listen to the rain".

They stay silent. Varian wants to ask how she knows it, but he can feel it's not a question to ask, based on Donella's tense face. She doesn't want him to ask. She doesn't want to answer that it was a song Ulla's father had invented. That she knew it from the nights when Ulla held her in her arms to comfort her. That Quirin probably learned it in the same way she did.

She feels a tear creeping its way in her eye, so she turns around to face the fireplace and shakes it off.

The pot whistles, and Hugo goes to serve the tea.

Donella stays to drink it, thanks Varian and goes in the room she stayed in for the past weeks. It's simple, there's a closet for her clothes, a bed and a nightstand with a candle almost entirely consumed.

The night, she lays in bed. Thinking about Ulla's voice when she sang her lullaby. About how she felt to be comforted by this special song, by this special woman.

She wonders if Quirin felt the same in Ulla's arms. She tried to chase the question from her mind again and again, but it comes creeping back in every time.

Finally, she thinks about how this song was only for people in distress, and she thinks about how Varian was humming it to Hugo, right after she said she was leaving. And she considers accepting their invitation. Staying a little while. Helping them with the last tests of the machine. Visiting their laboratory.

The next morning, when Varian and Hugo go to the door to get to work, they are met with a note from Donella, thanking Quirin for his hospitality.

[sapphic-writing]

Charlotte is moronsexual

Ted : I believe being a pushy asshole and dismissing women's feelings is what is attractive to them.

Charlotte, taking her clothes off : damnit Ted, you're so fucking stupid.

[sapphic-writing]

The Passage of Time

(mention of adultery and cheating) (I mean that's the litteraly chore of Charted-)

(thx random.doodle.account/instgr for beta reading even tho you're not familiar with the Hatchetfield Universe)

Every Thursday night was one where Ted would punch his feelings out of his chest by getting down a bottle of any kind of booze, while pretending to pay attention to whatever was playing his TV. There was a time where he would tell himself that this weekly mood was irrelevant to Charlotte and Sam's couple counselling meetings. But as the months passed and his affair with Charlotte was continuing, he became aware of his feelings. So he tried to ignore the itching in his heart every time the woman he loved was spending the night with her husband and some cheap ass psychologist, instead of sharing a bed with Ted while Sam was out in another bed with anyone else.

This Thursday was going to be different, though. And that, he knew it from the moment Charlotte ragingly hang up the phone at her desk. An upset Charlotte after a phone call was usually caused by her husband canceling plans at the last second. Thought Sam really never planned to stick to them from the start. But usually she would be the one hanged up on and she would let her worries out with a cigarette or the alcohol from the flask in her purse.

The rest of the day, Charlotte spent it venting to the entire office about how her husband ditched her off for their counselling meeting. If ditching his wife for any kind of date was now expected of Sam, it was the first time he was bailing out of counselling. The only thing left where he was making efforts to keep their marriage afloat. Charlotte spent her coffee break monologuing to whoever would listen to her (mostly Bill. Paul escaped by going to beanies) and only stopped when Melissa came to tell her that Mr Davidson was asking for her to tune it down. She did offer Charlotte a comforting hug before they all went back to work. Ted held her in his arms long after everyone left their office and her angry rambling turned into shaky sobs. He offered to drive her to their therapist but she refused. So he let her go and went his way home.

It was hard to tell what made him feel worse, the vision of a miserable Charlotte late in the office, or the warmth he felt when he thought that she was not going to try to save her dead marriage this night.

After an hour and a half of sitting alone with his thoughts on his sofa, he decided to send her a text, vaguely sure that she would be out of the meeting by this point.

“ Wanna come to my place? ”

It took five minutes, feeling twelve, for his phone to brighten up with an answer, “ Not tonight, Ted.” and frankly, it was enough to ruin the rest of his night.

Feelings of pity and guilt battled inside him as he wondered how Charlotte's counseling had turned out to be. Maybe Sam joined at the last moment and they were about to have a fabulous night of sex for the first time in over two years. Or perhaps the counseling only made her feel worse and her night was gonna be as fun as Ted's weekly pity parties? The hint of relief that the second thought provided him made his guts twist. He decided the best way to finish his night was to take one of the sleep pills his brother forgot at his flat a week ago - he knew all about it, being the one who went to get them with the prescription and had to then explain how to take the medicine - and collapse on his bed for a dreamless sleep.

A few blocks away from there, Charlotte was sitting down her husband at their table.

"We need to talk." All of a sudden, breathing became a lot more difficult for her, and she feared she wouldn't be able to let out what needed to be said.

Three hours ago, tears of anger were threatening to blur her vision as she drove to their - well, her - therapy appointment. Once in the office, she let out all her frustration on her psychiatrist, who quietly listened to her. Once she got most of it out of her system, Charlotte buried her face in her hands with an irritated noise. Then they both talked and it felt like her eyes were being wide open to an obvious truth after years of denial.

She drove to her own conclusions, thanked the psychiatrist and left, informing her that this would be their last therapy meeting with her. On her way home, she took advantage of a red light to check her phone. She declined Ted's invitation and dialed Sam's phone.

"Hello? Look, Charlotte, I'm really sorry about tonight-"

"No Sam, listen to me. Come home right now."

"But Char, I-"

"Cancel your plans with that girl tonight and come home."

He stayed silent for a second, then capitulated and Charlotte hung up on him for the second time today, burning with confidence.

So she opened her mouth and talked.

"Sam, I have been trying to save our marriage for the last few years, and you have barely shown any interest in participating in it at all. And the fact that you have been so dismissive and cold and disinterested still makes me very angry. But I know that you are also mad at me for being completely blind at what you were trying to tell me with all of that. Because, it's been for a while now, that you don't love me anymore."

She paused and his jaw clenched. Obviously, they both knew it to some kind of level for a while. But formulating it so clearly was not something either of them had done before.

"That's true. I don't." He said after a while. "And I don't think you still love me either. Do you, Charlotte?"

A half smile crossed her face and she answered. "No, I don't think I do. Well..." She shifted on her seat "I still care about you. But I am not in love with you anymore."

"I still care about you too!" Sam exclaimed. This made Charlotte raise an eyebrow.

"You do?"

"Of course I do. Tho I can't blame you for being surprised. I have been really shitty to you. God. I just don't feel like expressing romantic things towards you, the only way I found to avoid doing that was to be a complete asshole to you. But we still shared over fifteen years of our lives together and I care about you. Losing you is very scary. And I'm sorry I hurt you. I understand that you're mad at me for all of this." He was playing with his hand, trying to keep his eyes on her while formulating his feelings the best way he could.

Charlotte listened, not denying any statement about his neglect towards her. This was the longest and most open conversation they have had in years and she could tell hé had been thinking about what he was saying for a long time.

"You know, " she said. "I think we could have fixed this. But I know you didn't want it to be fixed for a long time now. And I don't want to fight for it anymore."

Sam chooses his words carefully. "What? Do you want a-"

"I think we should divorce. I want to."

He stared at her for a moment before smiling and nodding his head. "I think I'd like that. Yes. I want to divorce you too."

"So it's decided."

They talked some more. Sam offered to be the one sleeping on the sofa for this night, since she was going to be on an uncomfortable chair at work for the whole next day. And Charlotte thought that this was the most intentioned Sam had been towards her in years.

The next day, Ted saw Charlotte coming into the office, beaming. He finds himself staring at her, before reminding himself this meant she spent an presumably great night with Sam.

Charlotte doesn't text or call Ted for sex during three whole weeks, and he wonders if the couple therapy could actually be working. He wishes this made him feel happy for her, but the thought of it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

This goes on until Friday of the third week, when someone he barely knows in the office invites his friends for a night at a bar. Ted doesn't know for what special occasion it is. But Melissa is invited, so he tags along, and Charlotte apparently knows this co-worker too, so she's coming.

During the night, he uses the alcohol as an excuse to shamelessly flirt with Charlotte. Paul does reprehend him a couple times ; "Leave her alone. She's married, Ted." And he notices the light in her eyes everytime her marriage is mentioned. It punches him in the guts, but she flirts back with him, so he keeps going. And in the morning, they're in his bed.

One thing surprising about this, is that until then, he had to at least ask her to stay with him for the night. And even then, she would be gone in a panic, within ten minutes after she woke up. But this morning she doesn't seem to have any worry and lazily lays with him in his bed. So he holds her as she is the most precious thing in his life.

He never thought he would ever be the one worrying about how long she stays with him. But when eleven o'clock passed, he asked "Isn't Sam going to worry or get mad if you don't go home?"

"I sent a text last night to tell him I probably wouldn't be home in the morning. What I do in this time doesn't concern him- anymore." She stops playing with Ted's hair and sits up to face him. "I need to tell you something."

Ted laid on his elbow to look back at her.

"I wanted to wait a little longer to announce it to everyone, but I think I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Let me speak. When I went alone to our couple therapy a few weeks ago, it made me realize a lot of things. So we talked, and you don't need to know the details. But Sam and I are getting a divorce."

Ted's face brightened. "Charlotte, are you serious?"

She nods, barely hiding her pride and Ted doesn't even try to mask his happiness and relief. He sits up to wrap his arms around her and let congratulations flow out of his mouth.

But then he stops and backs away.

"So... What does this mean for us?" She didn't answer right away.

"Let's get dressed first."

She got up to collect her and Ted's clothes in the room. She puts hers back on and Ted gets sweatpants and a shirt from his closet.

Then they sit back on the bed.

Charlotte explains to him that she feels lost about them right now. She does like him a lot. But she also knows him.

"You said you loved me many times." And it was true. In any other circumstances, he would have killed himself rather than telling any partner that he loved them. But at some point in his relationship with Charlotte where he didn't care about being hurt anymore. So he said it more times than he should have, even though he knew the only response to his love would be a silent Charlotte or a thank you. But he said it, just in case she said it back this one time.

"But will you still love me when I won't be a married woman anymore?"

"Of course I will." He wants to tell her how a life by her sides is everything he had been wishing for in the last months. But he is a coward and his love declaration doesn't break the fence of his lips.

"Even if that's true, you have your own issues that you've never worked on. And it's clearly an obstacle in your social life. I don't think we would be happy together in the long run. I am going to start to make healthy choices for me. And even though I love you, you are not a good choice for me right now. I need time now that I left Sam. We both need time." It became more difficult to breath and speak as she was going to her point. She tried to get her assurance back for her conclusion.

"So tonight will be the last time for long."

For half a second, Ted contemplates the option of letting go of his pride, showing vulnerability, pleading on his knees to at least show her how much she matters to him.

And then he shrugs, and giggles nervously. "God, Charlotte. Is that the shit your therapist's been feeding you on your two-cents-an-hour-counselings?" She gives him a sad but confident look.

"Bye, Ted." She gets up and exits the room. From his bed, Ted can hear her steps stopping to grab her bag, then coming back until the front door shuts.

He falls back on his sheets, still filled with Charlotte's scent (and it would stay for a long time) and soon gives up on holding the tears back. She told him "this is the last time" almost every time they had sex. She always came back asking for more. But this time it wasn't some kind of ritual to keep good conscience as a married woman, and Ted knew it.

Charlotte played with her lighter all the way down the staircase to light up a cigarette outside. One of her good resolutions following her divorce was to quit this bad habit. But she decided she wouldn't break down until at home. It was either the smoke or her flask to keep her composed until then. And she still had to drive, so the latter was out.

Months pass. Charlotte grows more confident. Struggles at quitting smoking, but Bill made a point to supervise her "nicotine addiction recovery" by being over her shoulder pretty much all the time she could possibili light a cigarette. She is irritated at first, but as her recovery progresses, she softens and even thanks him sometimes. She takes knitting lessons from Melissa, learns to create her own oversized sweater. She comes to work with a new colorful and fantasist sweater every now and then, even makes one for Melissa, who doesn't put it on at work, but you can see her wearing it proudly in the streets of Hatchetfield. Soon, Paul joins them and they meet every Friday night for their small knitting club.

She did announce the news of the divorce to the office. Her friends acclaimed her, and she got unsure "wooh"'s from those who knew her less. She and Bill joked about forming a "divorced club" at coffee breaks.

One thing she didn't expect from the divorce, was to get along with Sam. But they were friendlier than they had been in the last three years. It was like being in a collocation in college again. They switched their place on the sofa and the bed every two nights and got lost in all the papers of the divorce case, until the moment of selling their house and getting both a new place came. Charlotte bought a nice apartment in her price range and close to her job, decorated it with fairy lights and brought the scent of candles and incense in it.

Ted got to watch her becoming bolder and brighter every day. An aspect of her that he had been the only one able to bring out during the two years of their affair. This time it really did make him feel warm and proud to see her bloom again. Even though he still found himself wishing he could be closer to her to witness it, every now and then.

After the break up (he decided he was allowed to call it a break up), Ted decided he would try to move on and leave her be. He debated with himself, and decided that he needed to question himself. Not only because he knew Charlotte wasn't the psychological analyse type and everything she told him could only come from her therapist - he guessed she talked about him during her last session. And really, if anyone was able to hit this close to home with only information from an acquaintance of his , then maybe he should be worried. - But also because he was hearing more and more people praising the positive effects of therapy. And if it could get him to feel better without the price of nights wasted on any kind of booze, then it could be worth trying out.

At first he absolutely hated it. But a few months into the regular appointments with his psychologist, he found himself growing fond of it. He learns lots of things about emotions management and healthy coping methods. And if he isn't ready to give up his "office asshole" title, he can't deny the benefits it has on his social life. He gets back a closer bond with his parents. Paul actually appreciates him, occasionally inviting him on his coffee break trips to beanies where Ted and the crabby barista (or Emma, as she likes to remind him. Or Paul's dear girlfriend, as Paul likes to remind him) play a "who will be the most sassy-arrogant-good-talker-asshole today" game. You would think they hate each other's guts, but they like to call it a "special friendship bond" leaving people unsure if they are being serious or sarcastic about it.

Melissa, already close friend with Ted (as the two most disliked people of the office) was proud of his improvements and was doing fine too, creating close bonds with Charlotte and Paul herself.

Now, the most surprising of all things, was the closeness of the friendship Ted and Bill created together. You see, when Ted started to work on his issues, he decided that being nice to Bill was a good start. He soon realised he had got a soft spot for his colleague's sweetness, and Bill discovered that he wasn't so annoyed by Ted's venomous comments when they weren't directed at him like a bully to his victim in high school. Actually, he wouldn't admit it, but the comments were funny when directed at random people being assholes to them for no reason. He would still gently shove an elbow in Ted's ribs when he thought the person didn't deserve one of his sarcastic comments and they'd laugh about it.

The two of them and Alice, Bill's daughter, regularly went to the theater together. Ted would religiously listen to her analysis and knowledge about musicals on their way out. Bill helped his new friend to make it up to Paul for the last 8 years of being an asshole. Ted was still a little bitch. But now he was a little bitch working on being more emotionally stable, with close friends he cared about. He was a thriving little bitch.

You could think Charlotte and Ted were at a new chapter of their life. And well, that was half true. Because both were at a better place. But the stolen glances were still there. A short stare while no one was looking. A longing look on a distracted moment. Late night thoughts and itches in their hearts.

It had been almost a year since their breakup, when Ted was having one of those bad days. His alarm didn't go off to wake him up, so he bursted in his office 30 minutes late. Then, he didn't know how, but he got his cup mixed with someone else's during the break and drank a coffee ways too strong for him. Work was already exhausting lately and his mother drained his last mental energy in one call at the end of the day. After work, it was Knitting Night for Melissa, Paul and Charlotte. Bill was having a day off to take Alice to an amusement park (he had been talking non stop about how excited he was to spend the day with his daughter). Ted's brother was at their parent's, and he really didn't feel like going there for the night. The only person he could consider a close friend that wasn't busy, was Emma, probably ready to spend the night in front of a Netflix show until her boyfriend came home.

He decided a night at the bar would be more comforting than his rival in the sass game. In fact, it had been a while since he went alone in a bar to drink like a monster. Tonight was perfect to get back to it.

So he gets in the closest bar, but before he gets to order a drink, someone catches his eye. And he would have simply ignored him if a brim of the conversation the man was having with a younger woman didn't get to his ears.

"So what, Zoey? It's just over, like that?"

"Well yes, Sam." She says biting her bottom lip in embarrassment. Ted got closer. "Look, this was a bad idea from the beginning. I was a young woman who found the fact that you were married exciting, you were just trying to get out of your marriage. We had fun, of course. But it was a shit show. I'm trying to make better choices lately and I just don't think this is working between us." She waited for Sam to answer, but after a moment of silence, she simply said goodbye, wished him the best and left.

"Tough night, huh?" Ted asks. Sam turned around and didn't seem to recognize him. So Ted offers his hand and presents himself. "Ted Spankoffski, from CPR Technical." Sam's eyes widen and he shakes the offered hand.

"Right, Ted! You're the one Char cheated with."

"Heh, sorry about that." He tries a play off.

"Don't be embarrassed. Besides, I've cheated with more partners than she did. I know it, we counted to know who was doing the dishes, once." He gestures to the sit the woman just left, inviting Ted to sit down. "I also met you at some office parties Charlotte used to take me to. I remember you. Wanna take a drink?" Ted accepts and sits down at Sam's table.

They talk and drink a beer. Sam tells him about the woman who just broke up with him and explains he knew it was going to happen sooner or later. He just wasn't expecting it to be now and here. Ted complains about his day, Sam tells him some of his cop anecdotes, they talk about their common love for musicals and eventually, the subject of Charlotte comes on the table.

When Sam tells him about how she's doing lately, Ted realises that Charlotte had been spending more time with her ex husband than with him since the beginning of her divorce. How ironic that it was the perfect opposite when she was still married.

"You know, it wasn't easy for her to leave you. She had doubts and thought about calling you back. I'm very proud of her for deciding to focus on herself despite everything tho. She's really blossomed since." Was saying Sam.

Ted tells him he misses her. That he was glad she took time for herself, but he had been wondering about trying to reconnect for a while now. Well, the idea never left his head, but lately he was feeling like it could really work if they tried again.

"I wish I could just go ask her out but I'm scared to throw her off. Maybe I should just leave her and see if she comes to me one day. But I'm scared to wait for years and for nothing." A year ago, it would have taken him at least three more drinks to open up. Now the beer was enough.

"I think you should go for it." Sam said, two drinks ahead of Ted. He got his beer and first drink down when he talked about his now ex-girlfriend. "Char's not a small fragile little thing, you know. She's super strong and can get back up. If she doesn't want you she'll just tell you. She knows how it is to force yourself in a relationship. You know she's stronger than me. Maybe I would've let down my studies to be a cop without her support."

"Should I just call her?" Ted asks, Sam nods a little more furiously than he would have done it sober.

"Yeah. You know, I think she'd be happy with you. And..." He leaned across the table and gestured Ted to come closer. "She told me to not tell anyone. But she's been wondering if you moved on and asked me if you would one day call, regularly." Sam let himself fall back into his chair.

"You've got anyone to drive you home?" Ted asked. Sam gestured that no, he had no one to get him home. So Ted offered to drive him, judging the man had got enough for the night. He didn't seem to be handling alcohol well. Or maybe he didn't eat before, because a beer and two glasses weren't much. But Ted could tell when enough was enough.

He follows the vague indications of the cop to find his apartment and watches him get inside his building. The beer Ted had already didn't have an effect on him anymore. He decided to go to bed and sleep on the conversation they had.

Next morning was a Saturday. He had got a text from Bill, a resume of his day with Alice. He decided to read it while enjoying his breakfast. Once he answered his friend, Ted kept his eyes locked on the clock. Knitting nights weren't ending especially late. But he knew Charlotte wasn't a morning person. No matter the time she woke up, it wasn't safe to call her until the time was 10:30.

Once it was, he collected himself to press on the button to call her and finally did it at 10:53.

Ted thought she wouldn't pick up, but right before he got redirected to her voicemail, there was a click and then Charlotte's voice.

"Hello?"

Hearing her morning voice brought back an old warmth in his stomach, and suddenly talking was easier.

"Hi Charlotte, it's Ted."

"I know, I still have your number in my contact list." Ted smiled at this declaration while she was biting her lips for talking before thinking.

"I was wondering if you were down for us to see eachother today. I'm not doing anything and we could go get food somewhere or something, I don't know. Catch up."

"How about you come to my place? I haven't shown you my new home yet. We can eat and watch a movie." It was the carnival of Rio in both of their heads and hearts. One couldn't believe when they were saying and the other couldn't believe what they were being asked. Both couldn't believe they were having this conversation.

"Sounds great. Be there in an hour. Uh, send me a text with the address?"

"Will do. So... It's a date, then?"

Ted smiled. "Absolutely." And Charlotte smiled too when they hung up.

She sent her address to Ted, apologized to Emma for cancelling their day out at the last moment, and cleaned her flat and herself the best she could in the hour given.

He showed up around the time promised with Chinese food he got on the way. Charlotte smiled when she noticed her order was her favourite from when they were seeing eachother. They did a room tour, got on the sofa and catched up on their personal lives. They were bitching on this new guy at the office who would never fill up the coffee pot when he finished it, when Charlotte's stomach started growling. They turned on a show Ted recommended and started eating.

"Of course it's a musical." Charlotte said when the main character started singing about moving to West Covina.

"Come on, musicals are great!" Ted argued.

"They're okay." She admitted with an amused smile.

She did like musicals, but right now, Charlotte was more entertained by Ted's investment in the songs and the story. When they finished their plates, half way through the first episode of the show, Charlotte decided to be bold and gently passed her hand over Ted's. He interlaced their fingers and Charlotte rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb.

Soon, he passed an arm around her and she gladly leaned against him. Both slowly getting more comfortable with the old familiarity of each other's company and body. Ted passed a hand in her hair and acknowledged she changed her shampoo, something more exotic than the strawberry scent of the one she used before. Charlotte took Ted's hand again and noticed it was smoother than it used to. He had started to apply a hydrating creme Bill recommended a few months ago.

"Charlotte?" He asked after two episodes of cuddling. "I miss you. And I really want to try to be with you this time. But I don't want to press you. So if you want me out, tell me and I'll be at the door in a second."

She takes a second to think, then untangled from their embrace to look at his face. "I don't want you out. I miss you too. Stay."

He smiled and answered, "Okay".

He kissed her forehead, she dropped a gentle kiss on his lips and they went back into the other's arms to watch the series.

After this day, they shared many other meals, cuddles and nights. Ted tried to join knitting to please Charlotte but wasn't surprised to find out he hated it. So Friday nights for him, became nights at the bar with Sam and Emma, sometimes his brother would tag along. During one of those nights, Sam and Emma promised to break his knuckles if he broke Charlotte's heart, and he didn't object nor doubted them. He heard from Charlotte that she had received similar threats from Melissa and Ted's brother. When they talked about it, they laughed and kissed. Ted thought about how he was now free to kiss Charlotte whenever they liked, and how it was the best thing that happened in his life.

[sapphic-writing]

OOPS GUESS I FORGOT

It'll be coming... Once day... Not now.... Not like anyone's waiting for it anyways so that's fine I guess

Alright, angst and spooky melting point OS is coming your way 🎃🎃🍂