screechingkingdomhottub

[screechingkingdomhottub]

Things I wish I knew as a teenager

Hey frens, I made this blog when I was around 15.

That was about 10 years ago now. I have a very different, and dare I say more humbled attitude than I used to have about the beliefs I hold. So here's some stuff that I think might be worth saying in case someone needs to hear them.

You can't control people. It is also very rare anyone is doing anything to spite you specifically and if they are, you're being bullied or controlled by them and it's a situation you should get out of if you are able to. I used to think people wouldn't invite me to parties cause of some grudge against me, it was actually cause I didn't drink and they didn't think I'd like an environment where that was all everyone did. Took one conversation.

You can be 100% sure in your belief of something and then be given information that makes you question it. I have been saying very certainly that I am pro decriminalisation but against legalisation and someone pointed out to me that legalisation didn't necessarily mean what I thought it meant. It just means people wouldn't have to be in danger to get the things they're getting anyway. I was able to say "I hadn't actually thought of that perspective, I may need to think on that for a bit" and it was fine. I didn't lose credibility. I still felt I came across like I knew what I was talking about. It's so useful to know this. Smart people accept when they might be wrong.

Let people believe in stuff. The world is boring to some people without it. Let them believe in star signs or religion (as long as they aint a hater - we love the gays) or the universe.

Sometimes you'll have a cold and get the sniffles. Sometimes you'll have a cold and get a blocked nose or just a cough even. Those are both colds. When I got covid it felt like my legs were broken but when my friend had it, he didn't have that, he had breathing problems. We both had covid in the same month. So why is it, teenage me, you think your depression will only be real if the symptom is you ending up in hospital? Depression can completely drain you and make you unable to get out of bed, yes, but depression can also feel like an all consuming energy that it doesn't matter what you do, you have all this energy trying to destroy you from the inside. Your depression doesn't need to end in suicide for it to be real, in fact I hope it doesn't.

Fitting in is great, standing out is great. You shouldn't be focussing on either, you should be who you are regardless of how it relates to anyone else. I know you're a swiftie. I know you like starkid. I know you are you.

Anyway, if you're a teenager or hell anyone who reads this and relates and even goes "huh never thought of it like that" then this post has served its purpose. I swear being able to say "can I think on that for a bit" or "actually if it's alright, could I have some space for now?" and my favourite "I'm honestly not sure but my guess would be ___" has made me feel so powerful and so free in conversations. In this world, we're sort of pressured to fight for our opinion instead of learn from someone else's view. It's divisive and depressing and isolating and cultivates an idea where you're not supposed to grow. That's stupid.

It's gonna be okay, I am shocked at how okay it's worked out for me after starting this blog.

[screechingkingdomhottub]

you ever have situations that make you want to take people by the shoulders and go "you are not 15 any longer. this behavior is no longer quirky and cute. it is exhausting for you and everyone else to act like a teenager you haven't been in a decade or longer. knock it the fuck off"

[screechingkingdomhottub]

this circling tumblr again? really? look guys im a feminist but this isn't an explicitly feminist post. it's a shower thought.

"you should be an egalitarian!!!1!" i believe in men's mental health rights, i think the wage gap is just as bs as bmi, but like that's not the point?? ?

It's just a stupid little thought of "im not like other girls" is usually said in cartoons and shit by girls who are tomboyish but "im not like other guys" is usually said by the guys who arent like the jock type in those shows.

"youre back peddling!" ...dude this was maybe 3/4 years ago? let it go guys

if a girl isn’t like other girls our immediate reaction is to think that she’s tomboyish but if a guy isn’t like other guys, our immediate reaction is to think that he’s not an abuser. 

[screechingkingdomhottub]

[screechingkingdomhottub]

nightmare time leitmotif has entered the chat

leitmotifs never get old to me like holy shit dude there’s this melody that corresponds to this one guy and if you hear the melody it means the guy is there. holy shit. and sometimes it refers to ideas too not just guys. has anyone heard about this

[screechingkingdomhottub]

tw verbal/emotional abuse mentions: Hey, i've went through a lot. It's hard to admit that but I'm starting to realise that what I've been through is not my fault and that I don't deserve this and I certainly didn't when I was a kid. So if I can help just one of you, even if it's me in the future, it could be worth something.

If you know the song Lullabies by All Time Low, or even what it's about, that's essentially what I've been through, I love that song thank you Alex Gaskarth.

I don't think people talk about the different stages of this much. Personally, I think the first step in this is the outburst. When the abuser will scream and ridicule and threaten you. This is the part most people refer to when thinking about the abuse. You hide, rock back and forth, cry, start contemplating escape plans and how well you can barricade your door. You're terrified and suddenly you're 5 and are living in a horror movie. Any strength you had is Gone. Any bravery, any willpower, all gone. You also feel guilty. You think you pushed them to that and you could have prevented it. Someone's reaction to the word "no" is not a reason you shouldn't say it. You can learn so much about a person by their reaction to the word "no". If their reaction makes you feel scared, that's not on you.

Then there's the night of the abuse. You're contemplating sleeping but you don't know if you can. What if you miss something? What if they snap? Will you be safe? It's the most restless night of your life.

The worst part is the morning after. Nothing will ever be quieter than a house after an abusive outburst. It's the worst quiet in the world. You keep thinking it's going to happen again, you think you should apologise to the innocent bystanders you caused the abuser to abuse. A lot of people talk about fear and panic as thinking the world is ending. No one talks about the feeling that the world has already ended and you're just walking in the debris of your own home. It's all still intact but it feels like a wasteland.

So you can either wait until the next one, scared of every wrong move or raised voice. Or, you can move on. You can use this anxiety as fuel to get stronger, you can use it as a catalyst to get therapy, you can do everything in your power to become whole again. I beg you not to let this affect anything about how you treat others. Empathy is a beautiful gift and while you should have boundaries and not be taken advantage of, you should expect the best in people still. It'll help things be so much less miserable.

I hope you're okay I really do. I survived this shit, so can you, i promise.

[screechingkingdomhottub]

i remember when the only lauren lopez solo we had was pigfarts/boy toy and we were dyING THIRSTING STARVING FOR ANOTHER. then came What If from Firebringer and it was magical...but now Now, I see you younger newer starkids skipping Just For Once like it's not a meal we were all craving/needing in 2015. and that's valid, you do you, you're wrong but you're you

[screechingkingdomhottub]

creator sent him to superhell for being gay i get my opinion nah haha fr like enjoy what you want, controversy amused me a little, my opinion means fuck all to your enjoyment and i really hope it still brings you joy man

i watched the goddang vampire diaries like i have no legs to stand on here

supernatural was better before the introduction of castiel.

most controversial thing i've said on this site

[screechingkingdomhottub]

supernatural was better before the introduction of castiel.

most controversial thing i've said on this site

[screechingkingdomhottub]

stephanie lauter is veronica sawyer with better taste in men. i will not elaborate.

[screechingkingdomhottub]

sometimes you have a cold and you get a runny nose, sometimes you have a cold and you don't get a runny nose. both of those are colds even if it's different symptoms to the same person. you can have a depressive episode that's you going numb and not feeling anything and then later on you can have a depressive episode that's more about feeling too much. both are valid depressive episodes. don't invalidate yourself dude

[screechingkingdomhottub]

my attraction to women grows stronger watching Angela Giarratana break plates and idk why

[screechingkingdomhottub]

did anyone else who grew up christian and neurodiverse just make up their own batshit explanations because no one would tell us anything??? Like my catholic church barely mentioned relationships to the point idek if my church was homophobic or not like just forgot they existed. So what my brain fully thought happened was that when you got married, God would send down an angel and like "yo how many kids do you want" and you'd say like 3 and God would be like "easy squeezy no problemo 3 kids in your lifetime" and I guess unplanned pregnancies or babies out of wedlock were works of the devil?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who made this stuff up

[screechingkingdomhottub]

Paul: So your telling me that bright blue alien spores are what allows you to control your human body?

Bug: Yup! Why'd you ask?

Paul: Because bright blue alien spores from space control me and my friend back home! You don't think...

Bug: No.... it can't.... no...

[screechingkingdomhottub]

so i totally understand the concepts of like harmony and counter melodies etc but it will never not be funny to me to imagine that steph/mariah is just singing a completely different tune because no one told her in songs like "Go Go Nighthawks" and Bury The Bully from NPMD. Like cmon someone else must be amused by that concept right? But I stan everyone in starkid lets be real

[screechingkingdomhottub]

RATING DIFFERENT MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELLING SERVICES (UK)

Soo bit about me is im bisexual, trans, autistic, depressed and have had some Bad Coping Mechanisms so trigger warnings for sh, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism and addictions, anything else lemme know and i'll edit this. When I was a young boy, I realised bad things in my brain and after struggling finally got encouraged to reach out for help, here's how i'd rate my experiences. First though, regardless of any of these ratings you should seek help, because even if the help sucks which it might, you get a little boost in your brain that you're trying and it could be the difference between 1 day but that 1 day is special. I believe in you. As someone who has been struggling for 10 years now, it does get better but your struggle doesnt magically stop. So this is in no way me saying "all help sucks dont bother" but the exact opposite like always choose to seek for help.

First we have Mr Big Boi Jo AKA the samaritans, I have reached out to them so many times since I was like 13. The email feature is amazing like being able to sorta control when you are willing to not only send the message but also check the response is wonderful. I'd pour my heart and soul out and then be able to step away and recover from that vulnerability, be excited for when I'd get an email back, if I didn't feel like responding in that moment then I would not have to. But they have a tendency to sign post you quite easily like i've been sent to chris at lgbt , childline, some autism stuff that rubbed me the wrong way. It can feel kinda like you're getting dismissed and told to bugger off. "But that's not what they're doing!" oh right i forgot people in mental health crises should think more clearly, how dare i think they may have thinking issues and be sensitive in those times, ridiculous of me /s so I'm gonna rate them 6.5/10. This also probably depends on who you get. I'm gonna have to DQ chris@switchboard.lgbt because I genuinely forgot I had any interaction with them, they seem alright and I suppose if you're struggling with gender and sexuality they're worth a shot? I'm rather comfortable in my identity now so I don't want to take that resource away from people for any experiment like this. CHILDLINE - Not just that one phone number you call if your parents are abusive. Genuinely childline is so misrepresented due to what we classify as abuse like if you are under 18, you can go on childline and play games, have a live chat feature with counsellors, ask on message boards, view message boards or send as an email instead of the chat. You can choose! I think it would be amazing even for adults but once again, no stealing resources. "But I have DID and it's complicated cause my little needs help-" dude I'm not qualified for that, you probably know more than I do like don't put this on me. I cannot remember one negative experience with them. I just remember being scared and messaging people, OH AND THE NOTES YOU CAN ASK THEM TO READ NOTES SO THEY'RE CAUGHT UP ON STUFF EVEN IN LIVE CHAT. 9.5/10 would be a 10 if I was still a child but I'm unfortunately 23 so im bitter. It may have changed but now but I strongly encourage people to try it because I didn't want to because I thought it was only for kids being physically abused, it's also for like teenagers who are self harming. SHOUT - Oh Shout, you are the most 50/50 out of these. I genuinely use SHOUT more than samaritans now but it can go really bad. I message and am like "hello i wanna drink myself to death" but if i do that on like friday nights or something, the wait times are massively long and I've found some other way to soothe myself but when they are there they do talk very gently, they offer valid resources about things like as pdfs this time not just links to websites of people that can help. It's similar to counselling in person imo so it's about vibes sometimes. 8/10 or wait/10 damn those wait times KOKO - I'm glad it exists but haven't found much help from it personally. I do like that it sorta puts less stress on people that want to help social media accounts in crisis like that's a very important thing we didn't have when I first had the internet and it caused a lot of damage but in terms of the rating of how it helped 4/10.

GP - OMG GPs right? Anyone in the UK that's been to a GP for depression will immediately be thinking "oh right a WALK ADN SOME TEA RIGHT??" because that's always your first offer. Always. I should also mention I never went to CAMHs because of how my GP saw me, I went to a different centre for at risk youths in a different town in the most wonderful and bizarre therapy I've ever had but that place has shut down and there's absolutely no way other people have had that experience because whenever I say this stuff to people they may as be looking at me like I'm talking about narnia. GPs don't really seem to take you seriously until you're 18. But people don't seem to be really listening, your antidepressants aren't gonna stop your depression. They're going to fight it a little bit but you gotta do other stuff to get the endorphins and that's where the walks and exercise come in. People will bitch about theirs not working and they don't listen to what the GP says like "they keep upping my dose cause it isnt working!" then you find out that person has been drinking every other day which cancels those meds out. So with all that said, GPs are getting a 5/10. Some of mine were really helpful, some sucked, age is a big factor.

I hope you are able to use this info or even just now be more aware of all the help you can get in the new year. It's time to get happy again <3

[screechingkingdomhottub]

DEFENDING NPMD

Time to defend nerdy prudes must die to some of you for not appreciating the utter masterpiece it is as my current hyperfixation.

"These teens aren't realistic they're caricatures" - Sure that could easily be true, and say it is true then it's a high school piece based on cliques/stereotypes that people don't necessarily fit into in reality? That doesn't make it bad, heathers and mean girls are classics at this point. But also I was 3 of these people in secondary. I had an anime phase and I was friends with weebs, they act exactly like richie, like...I told so many people "Believe It!" with a thumbs up. I even played a naruto song to classmates and talked about how he was my idol as a 13 year old...I cringe about that to this day but it's a REAL PHASE. Then we have Ruth who is so horny and desperate for love...literally my teenage life are you kidding? Especially with the theatre reenactments thinking I could do things if I didn't get anxious like...poor girl. I'd like to think I was Peter at one point, I have low blood sugar and like pokemon cards and got decent grades and had a bit of a need to prove myself? But I was probably closer to Grace like ya boi has religious suppressions but I'm catholic so clearly not a person of faith in Grace's eyes haha.

"There's too many rhymes - class of twenty twenty worn"

I think this was intentional? Well not really but also like it makes sense, Jeff said the reason for the snapping being wrong in bully the bully is because they're nerds and that's uncool in jazz which kinda leads me to believe this theory. Also the original lyric was "There's no way to fix the class of 2026" but had to change cause year. One of the songs that doesn't rhyme obsessively is "The Summoning" which is sang primarily by the lords in black as opposed to the high school kids. Now, I don't want to offend anyone but high schoolers are idiots. Everyone is an idiot but high schoolers tend to be egotistical idiots. My theory is the rhyming is sort of a meta commentary of the ages of these characters, believing that things should be rhyming because that's what they've been taught. It keeps the norm of the school also, it shows it fits the standard representation of schools in media and then symbolises this through the representation of a standard song. Whereas the lords in black have some off lyrics, off rhymes, especially here: "Nibbly wants a sacrifice And Wiggly wants his wrath We dancе around the pentagram And take all our kingdoms back" It doesn't fit the other rhymes that happen earlier on sang by the high schoolers. This could represent the lords in black are interfering with the norm, they're older and wiser and follow their own rules. "But screech what about hatchet town" they don't have the same power as the lords in black, the chaos and paranoia is getting to them but there is still more off rhymes than in others. "What are off rhymes what are you doing" A rhyme is like fart and smart. An off-rhyme is like fart "monster" and "Gone sir" it doesn't entirely rhyme but it has that feeling. There's probably a lot more fascinating things that you can get into with this "BUUUT Heathers did it without them sounding so cheesy and unaware" my answer to that is, heathers is fILLED WITH EMOS. Have you spoken to an emo? They'll go like "Even the roaring waves of the sea cannot mimic the immense drowning I feel by my emotions" like dude chill. NPMD doesn't have emos in it really...Everyone is really happy considering the situation.

"Who says cool beans anymore?" - This is the funniest criticism to me like, do you think Grace Chasity is supposed to represent a modern day view? She's the one who says it first! "Shoot and shinola", "tickle on my mommy spot" all that is fine by you but cool beans is outdated??? "But why do the others join herrr" ok well the obvious reason there is they're INSIDE A HAUNTED HOUSE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS VERY SUS AND THEIR WORST BULLY IS COMING AND ALSO GRACE IS THE ONLY ONE WITH THE KEY LIKE I WOULD JUST GO WITH THAT. But if not, nerds quote outdated memes all the time. "Excellent" reminded me of naruto the abridged series, like that's from 2008 but im still there. Or like the phandom are still simping for glabellas and onomatopoeic microwaves. The starkid fandom would never reference an old musical, the medallion said that was dumb so we're not doing that...wait Most valid stuff I've seen is about steph's characterisation which I can do a whole post about like mariah is phenomenal as always but there's a lot of telling not showing.

Also I'm back into starkid