shattered-lullabies

[shattered-lullabies]

Why is playing games with your friend more important to you than me wanting your comfort after something bad happens

[shattered-lullabies]

I'm always doing something wrong

I'm always annoying people around me when I have verbal shutdowns. But sometimes it's really hard to speak. I'm sorry.

I feel like everything's getting worse

I'm struggling to eat

I don't have the money for any of my safe foods

I hate being poor

Im tired

[shattered-lullabies]

I'm ok now

[shattered-lullabies]

Really wanna kill myself right now ngl

[shattered-lullabies]

I asked him for reassurance and he went "I'm in the middle of drawing"

Thanks. Nice to know I'm not important

[shattered-lullabies]

I want to cry I want everything to stop I want to not have BPD I want our fp to actually be reassuring instead of going "no." When we ask if he's mad I want to be help while I'm balling my eyes out bc of how overwhelmed I started having bad flashbacks of sexual trauma not to mention I'm a syskid

It's just all too much happening all at once it's so overwhelming

I'm so tired of being a kid who holds such trauma and feelings

I just want to be ok

[shattered-lullabies]

Hhhh been feeling incredibly paranoid about r/systemcringe getting access to my simply plural and plural kit

It has a lot of very sensitive info and I'm terrified that someone's gonna pretend to be my friend just to get access

That subreddit has no idea how much they are hurting people

I'm terrified and paranoid someones gonna post my private and sensitive information on their subreddit to laugh and bully me for it

I've checked to make sure my pk is private multiple times but I keep worrying someone's gonna figure out how to get the information on it still

I just want to exist normally without being scared of being bullied and harrassed

I just wanna exist

Please let me exist

[shattered-lullabies]

I am so done with everything right now

My tooth aches so bad it's making my entire side of my face hurts nonstop for the last 3-4 days

NOTHING WILL MAKE IT STOP

I've taken 1 oregano, 3 ibuprofen and an antibiotic

And NOTHING has changed

Im not gonna be able to sleep for shit

All of this could've been avoided if I wasn't medically fucking neglected my whole life

And to make it all worse? I asked for my boyfriends comfort and he told me "I'm doing stuff"

I'm fucking done

Why am I not important enough??

[shattered-lullabies]

Why am I never enough

[shattered-lullabies]

I can't stop thinking about going outside and just jumping I want to cry

[shattered-lullabies]

WHY CANT I LOVE NORMALLY WHY CANT I JUST LET THINGS GO WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO THINK EVERYTHING MEANS ANGER

I just want to be loved

[shattered-lullabies]

"it's ok" "it's fine"

NOW IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE IT'S NOT??? YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT AND EXPECT ME TO THINK EVERYTHINGS OK???

bpd culture is why can't you understand that saying two words after i apologize is gonna make me feel worse and i hate you and i hate you i can't do this anymore you hate me so much you wish i was dead i'm so sorry i'm sorry

-🎀📖

.

[shattered-lullabies]

bpd culture is IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY PLEASE DONT BE MAD IM SORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY

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[shattered-lullabies]

the urge to just not exist

[shattered-lullabies]

i hate that BPD gives me such a lack of emotional permanence.

you can spend hours describing the ways in which you care about me, yet the moment you stop my brain will immediately decide you hate me and are destined to leave me.

[shattered-lullabies]

i will forever be a burden to anyone or anything i come into contact with

[shattered-lullabies]

“i love you” until i’m sobbing because your tone slightly changed