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Peter Quill is still also part celestial, but the Ravagers, for whatever reason, never came to Earth to deliver him to his father. He fell in with a bad crowd after his mother's death, and grew up to be a mercenary.

Gamora is a former Red Room assassin.

Drax became a vigilante, and later a mercenary, after his family died. He became a super-soldier during a stint in the Power Broker's employ.

The three of them are sent to kill each other in Valentina's vault. After they realize it's a trap, they are surprised to see Rocket, a talking raccoon, in the vault with them. (Unethical animal testing is one of the many things OXE has done that Val wants to cover up.) Drax punches a hole in the wall and Rocket crosses some wires to stop the incineration and let them all out.

Rocket builds a rudimentary jetpack from the tech in the vault and flies up the elevator shaft. He thinks about leaving the others behind, but then Val's cleanup crew shows up and he realizes he needs them, so he throws down a rope.

Groot (who in this AU is another one of OXE's experiments, and befriended Rocket in the lab) is the one to pick the team up, though in a stolen minivan instead of a limo.

Meanwhile, in space, Ego the Living Planet is reconnecting with his son Bob, and begins his Expansion project, activating those flowers across the galaxy, but also taking control of Quill. The Thunderbolts (named for a soccer team that Drax's daughter had been on when she was killed) and Guardians of the Galaxy get through to Peter and Bob, respectively, and the day is saved, and Val never gets a chance to save her skin with that "New Avengers" announcement.

The MCU but the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Thunderbolts* swap places

[shitty-alternate-universes]

Yelena Belova and Antonia Dreykov are Thanos' "daughters"/personal assassins. Yelena secretly wants to run away, even though it would mean betraying her sister.

John Walker is a disgraced ex-Nova Corps member, now working as a mercenary.

Ava Starr, much like in MCU canon, gained superpowers and chronic pain as a child when an experiment of her fathers' went wrong.

The four of them get arrested after having a public fight over the Orb.

In the Kyln, they meet Alexei Shostakov, who is disappointed that none of them have heard of the legendary Red Guardian, and Bob, who is in there for possession of space meth.

Together, they break out, with Bob sacrificing himself so that the rest can escape.

The business on Knowhere plays out pretty much the same as in Guardians. They try to sell the Orb to the Collector, it goes poorly, Ronan shows up and steals the Orb. Alexei convinces the group that they need to stick together and save the day.

John contacts his former Nova Corps squadmate Bucky Barnes to warn Xandar that Ronan has the Power Stone. Bucky ends up playing more or less the same role that John C. Reilly's character did in canon.

The team gets their asses kicked by Ronan in the climax until Bob unexpectedly shows up, unexpectedly alive and unexpectedly superpowered, crashing into the Dark Aster. Bob and Ronan fight for a short while until Ronan manages to hit Bob with the full power of the Power Stone.

Alexei distracts Ronan with a dance-off so that Ghost is able to sneak up behind him and yoink the Power Stone, phasing it right through the hammer. Cue the hand holding scene and Yelena saying "You said it yourself, bitch. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy."

During the denouement, they find out that Bob is part celestial.

The MCU but the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Thunderbolts* swap places

[shitty-alternate-universes]

The MCU but the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Thunderbolts* swap places

[shitty-alternate-universes]

AU where Miles Morales was never bitten by the spider— he's a mutant with electricity-based powers, who sticks to walls using static electricity.

He becomes Spider-Man because he's a big fan of the original, and because Ganke has recreated the web fluid (the formula is publicly available because Doc Ock patented it during Superior Spider-Man)

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AU where Vanessa Doofenshmirtz is trans and is the biological father of Candace’s children Amanda, Xavier, and Fred

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AU where every superhero except Hank Pym is a wife beater

(yes, including the women #lesbianwrongs)

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AU where Scooby-Doo changes his name to Scooby-Don’t

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AU where the entire Justice League is just one big polycule

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AU of any isekai story where the MC dies and gets reincarnated back in the real world

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AU where Link and Zelda can communicate with their past lives Avatar: The Last Airbender-style

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Reverse coffeeshop AU. Take a Hallmark romcom or a slice-of-life anime, pretend it’s a mundane AU fanfic of some kind of fantasy story, then try to extrapolate what the “source material” must be like.

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After Order 66, Jedi Master Wal-Tar White is reduced to selling death sticks to get by.

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Death Note AU where Misa is Kira hater instead of a Kira stan.

In this AU, Misa’s parents were killed by Kira after being falsely suspected of murder.

Her early attempts at contacting Kira go exactly as in canon. However, upon identifying Light, she uses her Death Note to force him to give his to her.

L is very confused.

[shitty-alternate-universes]

Star Wars AU where Mace Windu says “motherkriffer” every other sentence

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Spy X Family AU where Loid is a himbo and Yor is a nerd, instead of the other way around like in canon

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Ty Lee is also a backbender in this AU

AU where backbending is an actual bending form which Aang learns from Sokka

[shitty-alternate-universes]

AU where Pinkie Pie doesn’t have sex with Weird Al Yankovic