sneglectual

[sneglectual]

gumi seasonal affective disorder module

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How edgy would it be to put all of my ideas in an archive in hopes someone will make my art for me after I die

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The new Scarlet Hollow update and the fanart event made me dig up this WIP that I started 2 years ago. Phew!

What's going on through the head of my MC in the hospital scene? Read and find out!

[sneglectual]

[sneglectual]

I'M GOING FUCKING CRAZY

THERE IS SO MUCH LORE IN MY HEAD LAAA LA LAAA LA LAAA LAAAAA ROCKING BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB

I HAVEN'T TALKED MUCH ABOUT MY OCS BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT UHHH UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THERE'S SO MUCH I HAVE LIKE 6 OF THEM OR MORE IJUST THERE'S SOMANYCONCEPTS

EUGHHH WHAT DO I DOOOOOO I DON'T I I CAN'T I JUST I'M I'M NOT A RWRR I'M NOT A WRITER I PLAN TO HAVE A MEDICAL CAREER I CAN'T JUST WWHMMM BUT HTHJM BUT FILM AND AND WRITING AND ANIMATION AND UHHH UHHHHHHH OVER SATURATED MARKET AND BEING POOR AND CHANCE BUT LIKE THIS IS WHAT I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT BUT I JUST

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFFUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK

PLEASE JUST KILL ME

[sneglectual]

~ From Kitchen to Garret, Virginia Terhune Van de Water, 1912

[sneglectual]

Fuck it, shout out to people who take longer to do things or have to do stuff slower than the average person.

Shout out to people who need extra time on tests.

Shout out to people who take longer to internalize information.

Shout out to people who take longer to talk.

Shout out to people who walk slowly, or take longer to get from one place to another.

Shout out to people who take longer to form connections with others.

Shout out to people who write slowly.

Shout out to people who read slowly.

Shout out to people who need extra time to rest between activities.

Shout out to people who can only do so much in a day.

Shout out to people with low dexterity that makes them do things slower.

Shout out to people who in some way have been deemed “slow”.

I see you, I hear you, and I will gladly wait for you if you want me to. I see effort you put in. I’m sorry that you have to be rushed so much. I hope that you can have the time you need, and that you get a support system that understands. You deserve to be able to exist at your pace.

And to the rest of yall, please for the love of fuck be patient. We are doing our best. We are going as fast as we can.

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I never genuinely vent on main, I don't want to do it, but it's difficult when you're going through and have gone through something so POETIC.

Sorry I romanticize everything, I just live in my head and can't afford to move out yet.

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In my dream, I went to the church parking lot I said I felt drawn to. You were alone, and sitting in the middle of the curb from across the building. I stopped walking, still at the edge nearest to my house, and we looked at eachother.

But I wasn't looking for you, and you weren't waiting for me.

You came up to me, you hugged me. I didn't hug back. It was warm, it was soft, it was familiar, and smelled like home. If I were without thought, I would've melted into our deceit.

But I didn't. I turned my head away from you, kept my hands in my pockets, and stiffened. Then the cold hit my skin again. It was a good cold, it was preferred.

I miss who you showed me, I miss my friend, I miss hugs. I don't yearn for you, I don't miss you. I don't want anything to do with that person anymore.

You aren't my home, you aren't mine to find comfort in. You aren't mine, and I don't think you have been for a very long time.

You aren't waiting for me, and I'm not looking for you.

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A cis woman tells me that maybe she should transition to gain male privilege as I'm recovering from getting beaten up in the men's bathrooms.

I tell her to be my guest and give me a call when she gets her jaw broken, I always carry a first aid kit and a pepper spray.

She calls me a misogynistic asshole.

A cis man tells me that he'd sure love some T.

Gave him my prescription and best of luck with the constant shortages and getting denied.

He calls me a pussy.

I'm fighting for my life and reproductive rights. I get told to get off women's fights, that it's not about me, like I shed my womb after my first T shot.

I search for support groups for SA victims, and I'm stuck in the same “women/NBs only”. Still shooting my shot, send an application. I introduce myself. Never get a call back.

I go to a trans night. Say I go by he/him. Get told back “yeah, that's how we all start !” by a trans woman. I'm too exhausted, I get up and I leave.

I hang out with my friends, one of them drunkenly says masculinity is a prison we must learn to escape. She gets rows of applause. Back to drinking alone.

Yes I could explain it. But who'd you rather be ? A delusional girl or a man made threat ?Or it could be better, I could just not exist ! And we'd bleach my corpse and I'd become a casualty. Not an F, ot an M, a W for Wound and for Wrong.

I put a candle on a single cupcake, 2 years on HRT. I blow it in the dark. Curtains closed like casket.

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[sneglectual]

Stop CENSORING my

POETRY

I see the plastic valley girl, the gentle cannibal, the vicious glutton, the anxious dog, the apathetic child, the loveless, lustful, lustless, 'lover'.

When your new dolls wear, will you wait for them to mend? Will you pretend you know how to fix porcelain?

Or will you play carelessly with the thought, "It was already broken."

You ignorantly stitched my love-worn fabric back together with malicious paws. And once I torn further said,

"It must've been the nature of the toy."

You've become the stereotype you raved demonized your people.

[sneglectual]

[sneglectual]

I see the plastic valley girl, the gentle cannibal, the vicious glutton, the anxious dog, the apathetic child, the loveless, lustful, lustless, 'lover'.

When your new dolls wear, will you wait for them to mend? Will you pretend you know how to fix porcelain?

Or will you play carelessly with the thought, "It was already broken."

You ignorantly stitched my love-worn fabric back together with malicious paws. And once I torn further said,

"It must've been the nature of the toy."

You've become the stereotype you raved demonized your people.

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[sneglectual]

[sneglectual]

(excerpted from Leila Chatti's poem: "Tea", published in Missouri Review)