southernfriedchicken803 - Tumblr blog

[southernfriedchicken803]

a day without rain

I feel like a drop of water in a vast never ending ocean.

Forever expanding, yet somehow I'm stuck in a whirlpool.

I don’t know what to make off the past

The present is an enigma to me, and

the future is somehow more foggier than ever.

I’m growing up with no direction.

I’m paralyzed with fear.

I feel as though i’m at the cusp of a great personal discovery, yet i ponder, do I have the strength to turn the key?

Am I living up to my full potential?

Did my parents give me a purpose?

Why hasn’t god struck me down yet?

Why can’t I see myself in a positive future?

Why must the nightmares smother me?

What will I do? 

Looking in the present has gotten me this far, but the realization of not knowing the meaning behind why is horrifying.

I know what home feels like.

It’s not within a country.

Neither the one I am in

or the one my roots are from.

It’s not within these walls for there is not a seat at the table for me.

Everything my father does he does for this family.

Everything my mother does she does for this family.

Everything my older sister does she does for this family.

So, why do I still feel like an outsider in this family?

As an outsider I see the cracks in the empires structure every day, yet the foundation of love holds.

Only time will tell

if love will forever fill my cup,

the same way it has filled theirs.

I want to be a part of a permanent family.

I the black sheep will carry the past down the river.

I will educate myself and make what I learn my own.

I’m afraid of growing up, but the future is engulfing me.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Writing poems just like my old man.

I never met his old man.

 Maybe he wrote poems as well. 

I wonder how mine can create me,

yet never truly meet me.

I draw a blank as I wonder if I will ever truly meet my son.

My grandfather never met his.

Sins of the father.

Only time will tell.

poem inspired by Enya's year 2000 song "only time."

[southernfriedchicken803]

The Big Empty

Today was my emancipation day

Track really did save my ass

I only signed up to get up over

My ex-girlfriend

Instead

 I found the man in the mirror

 since we have practice over spring break

My guardians finally opened the gates

to the real world

Reality

swallows me whole

I am Free

Free

yes free

Free To be a plastic bag floating in the wind of society’s masochistic barren wasteland

Otherwise known as the world

I walked for hours on end today

Carrying my little drawstring bag

Throwing it from arm to arm

After one tired out

My first stop was my liberator

Track

The run should have been easy today

simple 45-minutes

No stops

but, I needed to use the lavatory

 a quick 15-second whiz was what I needed

I tried to call up my blood-related cousin

since they reside in the area

But they dismissed my call twice

I struggled to continue running 

So quickly, I stopped and tried to

Release the pressure into a bush

But the fear of someone seeing me in this vulnerable state

Forced me to pull up my bridges and continue my run

Only afterward would my “cousin” return the call only to laugh at the situation

Along with my other blood-related gremlins

The sad clown of the family

that's who I am

and my balloon

it's popped

I can’t paint a portrait of my family like Francis Ford Coppola

But to sum it up 

My family is like the Corleones in Godfather 3

 I’m Michael 

An old, tired, 

Fool

After practice was over

I still needed a release 

like a cardinal needs red

So I loaded up the google maps satellite

And walked my two blistered feet to the library

I whizzed

Picked up some past century DVDs

And waited for my guardian to pick me up

It wasn’t a big deal

But they were unable to due to other matters

So I made the trip back to my shelter

Singing the folks songs of Blind Melon for strength

I returned and watched 

the Godfather Part 1

The beauty of Michaels's descent

The majesty of the family's  chaotic relationship

The morals of Godfather Don Corleone

Honor, Masculinity, Family

This film is a stunning masterpiece to behold

even the fourth time around

However, within this very adventure today

I realized something

I’m alone

loveless

Despite the interconnected spaces of the internet

The humongous and wide yet small world

I remain alone

The love of my life

my angel

 stuck a dagger deep into this rotting lobotomite

and left 

only to continue cursing pitiful rolling stones like me

My real brothers 

my brothas from another mother and father

are too far away for me to ever see again

I’m the black sheep of my bloodline’s herd

I’m the outcast that suburbia sweeps under the rug

Yet

I continue walking

Because 

My god is the sun

And even though not every day shines brightly

The sun still rises

So I will as well

for any fellow nomads

Queens of the Stone Age fans

or internet junkies

you rise to 

because

Every dog has their day.

[southernfriedchicken803]

Some Random Dude's Opinion on Seal (1994)

Step in the right direction

Seal is the most soulful artist I have ever had the pleasure of treating myself to. My goal for this year was to find some music that I honestly enjoy listening to because, for a long time, my ass has just been listening to the same; three albums in a row. Slowdive's "Souvlaki," TV Girls "Who Really Cares,"  and Radiohead’s "OK Computer." Needless to say, I was stuck in a 666-mile treadmill run of depressing breakup music. Luckily, It's time to smother the stab wound in my heart with bandages and crawl out of my pitch-black hole of despair to make a change. This change includes finding out what music I like, so I'm happy to say I like Seal.

How I found “Seal?”

 My nostalgia led me to look through what I liked in the past, so I found this old “Dorkly” video on youtube. It's a ten-year-old quirky parody skit on angry birds. To summarize, a pig and a bird are about to die, but; before they do, they have this cheesy yet heartfelt conversation about the beauty of Seal’s iconic hit song “Kiss from a rose.” I still find it funny ten years later, so I decided to check the song out, and man, it had me feeling positive emotions I didn't even know I had. I’m talking about some “BAYBAYYY I compare you to a KISS FROM A ROSE!” I could feel Seal’s raw emotions being channeled and turned into this exquisitely moving song. I dig it because I think the rose is a metaphor for life. Its thorns cut deep, but I'm a slave to its touch. Its beauty is everlasting and fleeting all at the same time. Its ruby red kiss dug me out from the dirt-filled coffin my emotions had been buried in.

The Self Titled Album (1994)

After hearing this heavenly track, I decided to check out the entirety of the 1994 self-titled album, and I found some definite gems. The main one I'm feeling right now is “Prayer for the dying.” It’s very on the nose about a new beginning which is a turn-on for me because I'm realizing that the past is the past. This Disney-esque power ballad is elevated thanks to Seals for his hard-hitting lyrics. They touched me on a spiritual level. The track is grand, forthright, and encouraging, so it’s earned a spot on my playlist. To be completely honest, This album feels like a wake-up call about not keeping my head in the sand. With tracks like "Dreaming in Metaphors, Don’t Cry, and Bring It On," I get this overwhelming sense of determination as if I was in an Undertale fangame. Especially, “Dreaming in Metaphors." I think it's about how difficult it is to rediscover oneself because even if we have the puzzle pieces to rebuild, the handcuffs of our past will do everything to keep us immobilized. The track preaches that despite this, It’s ok to take your time to cope and find clarity, but still, you have to move on through the foggy unown.

My life shines on

Overall, I can say that ever since I listened to this work of art, I've realized that I'm capable of moving forward with my life with an added positive mindset. For the moment, this was the album I needed, and I'm hyped to check out the rest of Seal’s discography.

[southernfriedchicken803]

Some Random Dude On The Internet's Opinon on "That Handsome Devils-Debut"

It's energetic,  drug-infused, demonic, oh baby; it is That Handsome Devils self-titled album!  

I would have never found this delightful hidden gem if it weren't for its placement in Guitar Hero II's bonus song list. While playing this ancient relic from the PS2 era, I decided to purchase the track "elephant bones" through the in-game store, and ever since then, my whole life has changed. 

"Elephant Bones" was a whimsical, funky, and psychedelic track about god creating a B-movie end of the world scenario. In said scenario, gun-loving angels came from the heavens to bring forth the end times, ridding the world of crack-head squirrels, drunkard birds, and the carefree psychopaths who dance in amusement to the end of this confusing, depressing, and putrid world we call "home."

After hearing that one-of-a-kind track, I immediately rushed to listen to more songs from this work of art that I consider a masterpiece. Although I've had some fundamental changes since the last two years when I initially listened, I can still say that to this day; it is the only album that has continually had a positive impact on me. 

Take a track like "James Dean," for example; I used to ignorantly believe I would be a martyr for the edgy internet's right-wing movement in 2020. Even worse, some cunts like Tim Pool and Ben Shapiro took things further and incited violence through their propaganda, and if it weren't for some good friends and teachers, I would have been the pawn in their bullshit chess game of lies. However, I was without an identity after my departure; from this evil, deceitful, and dangerous cause that I denounce and regret ever partaking in. The track illustrates my remorse and depression with piercing lyrics like "I always thought that I'd die young," but who knew life would be so long. I'm thankful that I've been fortunate to realize the error of my ways, and with the added inspiration to keep me going from a track like "James Dean," I will always know that I'm better off now than I was then.

Lastly, my favorite track on the whole album is "Miss America." It's an eerie slow jazzy track that deconstructs the false image of American suburbia. For example, the lyrics, "Mommy does the shopping. Daddy's digging through the laundry bins. He likes to try on Mommy's things with his hair up in her bobby pins." I believe this represents the closeted tendencies of conservative suburbia, with many people too afraid to be themselves, so they have to metaphorically dig through the laundry bins. Meaning doing their "thing" when no one is watching, which, unfortunately, happens in real life. For example, take Evangelical Ted Haggard, who was "ashamed" of something he couldn't control. His sexuality which he only hid because of homophobic beliefs in his religion. On top of that, I adore the sarcastic comedic line where Godforbid is like, "there's nothing wrong..turn the tv on." It speaks to me because, as a new member of a suburb, I have to say this place is just like everywhere else, except families hide their problems slightly better but at the end of the day it all comes to daylight the same.

Overall, without this album, I don't think I would have analyzed the past two years of my young adolescent life as thoroughly as I did tonight, so it just proves my point that whenever I listen to this album, it has a positive impact on me. Thankfully I'm no longer a hateful edgy internet bigot; instead, I'm a young man ready and willing to expose his truths and eliminate his demons in the long path of finding meaning in this wide-ranging world of emotions. For that, I have to thank this album for kicking off my journey of self-discovery. 

(Give it a listen if you get the chance)

That Handsome Devil-That Handsome Devil (2006)

[southernfriedchicken803]

Meatballs,Bill Murray, and I'm actually crazy. BTW Rip Mac Miller he would have been 30 today and I fucking love that man cause his songs are getting me through this tumultuous time.

He’s gone.

What we had was all in my head.

he won’t even visit me because the connection we had is done and dead.

So now he’s just a memory of what I wish we could be.

While I simultaneously have to live with the; CURSE he left on me.

I'm hurt.

They were supposed to be my high school clique.

For some reason their the same ones calling me a FAGGOT!

Now I'm alone, frustrated, and damn close to being outed.

I'm crazy.

nothing I do matters.

my confidence and self-worth are nonexistent .

I'm Failure.

At the end of the day, they just think I'm cray-cray.

I’m tormented.

[southernfriedchicken803]

The corny lines ima live by in 2022.

Abandoned and ashamed, but I am not afraid.

Backstabbed and blamed, but this black boy will have his day.

Caged and chained, but I refuse to perform in your sick cabaret.

Divorced and dumped, but I'm not a drunk.

Exposed and ejected, but I can’t be erased.

“Fruity” and “faggot” is what you say, but I’ll never faint.

Grim and gross, but life is gorgeous when I reflect upon my day.

Hated and hedonistic, but I’m still honest every day.

Inferior and Irrelevant is how you characterize me, but I feel incredible when I look in the mirror and see me.

Jilted and jobless, but my life is never joyless.

Kooky and klutzy, but you're just mad cause we're kindred.

Lame and lowly, but at least I am legitimate.

Macabre and melancholy, but I stay munificent.

Numb and nervous but no longer narcissistic.

Open-minded and opposed but still not omniscient.

Perfect and popular is not me, but still, I remain peaceful.

Qestioning and quirky, but believe me, they make me quintessential.

Robotic and “retarded” but your words are erased by my resilience.

Shunned and shamed, but I shine through like the suns rays.

Typical and timid, but now I’m talkative.

Uneasy and ugly is what they may call me, but it doesn’t matter cause like Uncle Grandpa I am unphased.

Veracious and vigorous but still vulnerable. 

Wholesome and warm, but lord knows I’m not wealthy.

Xenodochial and xenial, but the opps stay xenophobic.

Youthful and yappy, but I ain’t a Yoshi.

Zen and zestful but never Zero.

[southernfriedchicken803]

“The Green Door”

                          I felt alive when I took the risk,

                             but now the sun has hit.

                      Even though she was morally sick

                       It still felt good to be “loved” for a bit.

                            Left alone months ago,

                            yet the negativity persists.

                         Please get her out of my mind!

                            I am drowning in sin!

                   The void has opened back up; Oops!

                         I have fallen back in.

                         Oh God, it is sick how I live.

                         Why can’t I cleanse my skin?

                                             Am I more of a pet than a man?

                       Or has my brain simply gone KERPLAM!

                                              I am a photo Baby.

                            Why on Earth did you burn me?

                                      I’m ashamed

                            that I could never be 

                             what you wanted me to be.

                              Or maybe I was.

                              Which, in a way, really scares me.

                                                              You used me!

                                   You tricked me!

                                   You lied to me!

                                   You stabbed me!

                                    You changed me!

                                                      The pain might immobilize me.

                   If I continue to mourn the tainted love you showed me.

                          But if I have any love left, 

                     then maybe I can save me.

                      I don’t need you, and you’re not my 

                                        “Baby.”

[southernfriedchicken803]

Some Random Dude's opinion on “Overthinking”

I detest those moments in life when there's a simple task right in front of me, and I get so caught up in the "what ifs" and the "random thoughts" that I end up procrastinating the whole time while I struggle to defeat this existential crisis. These infuriating thoughts can range from lighthearted distractions like "I wonder if Death Battle dropped a new video, or whatever happened to Yugioh Abridged." Somehow though, they evolve into dreadful thoughts like "I can't believe this channel is over ten years old, in a couple of years I have to go to college, am I even fit for college, what's my purpose, what am I good at, for the love of Christ who am I?" It's like a mental cage of worry that exists only to prohibit my growth. 

This mental compound seriously inhibits my day-to-day tasks. For example, I'm doing a math exam, and the bell is about to ring in ten minutes, but I have three problems left. Instead; of remaining calm and answering the questions one at a time, my brain goes into panic mode and rushes to finish all three of them at once! This three-in-one strategy fails and leaves me with three halfway finished but ultimately unanswered questions, which are now wrong because the time has now run out. 

My overthinking can even extend to music and the fact that ever since I liked old nineties music, my brain was like, "HEY, you gotta listen to the new stuff!" I do, but then my brain is like, "NAH, this wack go back to the nineties!" It's a real buzzkill to find artists I like with this overactive brain because when I do happen to find a thing I like, my brain worries that no one from my generation knows it, therefore, making me the forbidden "outcast" which my brain tries to avoid at all cost, so I drop it and try new music. Rinse and repeat the time-wasting process. 

The worst thing about Overthinking that trumps all the previous infuriating quirks is that it makes me waste away the day in a chamber of thought. The human mind truly is a maze, and I have been through this cornfield more than I would like to be because it's nothing but a repetitive stroll through my insecurities and worst fears. On top of that, this maze always seems to engulf me whenever I get some downtime, so relaxation is nothing but a mere memory.

 Overall, I hate overthinking because I end up struggling with an existential crisis when I'm just trying to finish my science homework. However, writing does help me get through these tiny road bumps because it allows me to speak my truth with an added quirky true story that might help someone get through their mind playing tricks on them. That or my mind just felt like giving me an arrogant sense of grandeur because I finally wrote something.

[southernfriedchicken803]

Some Random Dude's opinion on Blur's "Modern Life Is Rubbish."

Blur's twentieth-century take on "modern" life at the time must have been quite remarkable to hear back then because, as a guy born in the twenty-first century, I'm amazed and saddened at how accurate its depiction of the chaotic and tedious pre-internet world has managed to remain during this new age. To sum it up, I feel like  "Modern Life Is Rubbish" is an excellent concept album that deserves praise for its sharply written commentary and remarkable instrument experimentation.

Right off the bat, the first track, "For Tomorrow," sets the album's uplifting tone by preaching perseverance in the face of hardship. However, this is nothing more than the surface layer for a song that subtly critiques capitalist culture. Now I don't intend or ever will claim to know all about economic theory, so I mean this in the simplest form as working from paycheck to paycheck until you inevitably get burnt out or work yourself to an early grave. This critique of capitalist culture was echoed repetitively through the band's constant use of the line "holding on for tomorrow," which is vital to capitalistic culture because it requires the worn-out cogs of the machine to keep turning, so fat cats at the top can stay well fed. Along with that, another line that's constantly repeated is "trying not to be sick again." I believe this ties the whole song to the modern-day worker crisis because I see "sick" as being burnt out, depressed, or just plain alienated from the modern world, which are all reasons behind the significant worker crisis in the States. Remarkably this is only one example of the album's compelling commentary because in tracks like "Advert, Star Shaped, and Pressure on Julian," the messages continue to hit closer to home.

As the album continues its hard-hitting takedown of capitalist culture, it saves itself from being a one-trick brit-pop album thanks to the riveting instrumental finishes in certain tracks. These instrumental endings to tracks can illustrate themes just as powerful as the spoken ones. "Resigned" is a track that I feel embodies this instrumentation to the fullest. There is a slight amount of lyrics about an anxious mind reaching its limit and finally quitting a soul-numbing job, but it only lasts for a minute before transferring into a full-on instrumental. This four-minute instrumental filled me with a real sense of calm tranquility that I imagine some drained worker who's had enough of the corporate abuse would feel after leaving a toxic workplace (cough cough Amazon). During the final minute, the tone suddenly shifts from one of peace to one of utter disorder! Out of nowhere, symbols begin erratically playing; the guitar is painfully strummed on repeat as if an amateur was playing, and to close things out; the final breakdown rift is rapidly played at speeds so fast you won't even notice the song just finished. I believe this represents the panic that sets in to find a replacement job so the cog of the machine can continue to survive the paycheck to paycheck culture. While this may be the best use of this album's unsung talent, it's not the only since it's also present in tracks like "Chemical World and Oily Water."

Due to the worker crisis up here in the States, this album has become more relevant to generation Z and the older generation that feels alienated in the always-online workspace of today. It brilliantly critiques capitalism verbally and non-verbally with an added British charm. Overall, Blurs "Modern Life Is Rubbish" paints a perfect portrait of contemporary American work-life, so next time you are on Spotify, I'd recommend giving it a listen.