starlostlix

[starlostlix]

BSD - FukuFuku and 'Nettles' by Ethel Cain

So I love Nettles by Ethel Cain and I started thinking about an edit I could make for it yesterday but then when I actually had an idea I decided it was better as a lyric analysis instead so here goes. I'll did a decent amount of the song but not all of it, since I don't think every line applies. This can be both romantic and platonic it depends on how you read FukuFuku as a duo. (This song is also deeply imbedded into Ethel Cain lore so I will make references to that in my explanations/readings in a few of the lines).

- "We were in a race to grow up, Yesterday, through today, 'til tomorrow" - this mainly reminds me of their competitiveness in their first meeting at the dojo (yesterday), but also reminds me of their split when Fukuchi is sent off to war (today), and of their face off at the airport (tomorrow). What they were racing towards just changed - Fukuzawa's goal is now protecting Yokohama with the ADA, and Fukuchi's plan means he is racing towards his death.

- "But when the plant blew up, a piece of shrapnel flew and slowed that part of you." - Just as Ethel refers to Willoughby, a war veteran, I see this as referring to Fukuchi's time in war and how it damaged his mental wellbeing. The 'plant' could be the island he was stationed on, and what the 'shrapnel' 'slowed' could be his faith in the idea of world peace (which is then changed by Amenogozen's warning of the war in 36 years).

- "The doctors gave you until the end of the night, but not 'til daylight." - this has been said in the song's context to refer to never seeing the relief/hope of the light of day and being close to surviving but not quite enough (genius lyric annotations). And that to me really embodies Fukuchi's fate in the airport battle - he never gets to see the sun rise of a united world like he intended to create, and of how close he comes to being able to survive as Fukuzawa refuses to kill him, but that is not enough for the plan so Teruko takes over that role.

- "I pray the race was worth the fight." - linking back to the 'race' from earlier lines, I think this refers to Fukuchi's race to unite humanity prior to the prophesied war in 36 years time, and if his efforts to do so were worth what he had to sacrifice and the harm he caused.

- "Made a fool of myself down on Tennessee street" - this in the song is seemingly used to refer to a breakdown Ethel has due to grief, but is perceived as irrational by strangers. I can draw parallels between this and Fukuzawa's breakdown at Fukuchi's death (anime ending) where Fukuzawa's usual more 'stoic' nature is replaced with overwhelming grief. Luckily the ADA allow him to have space to do so without judgement, unlike the people around Ethel.

- "It wasn't pretty like the movies, It was ugly, like what they all did to me." - this line to me reads in the context of Fukuchi's time at war. At times War and military service is romanticised/idealised in media without analysing the real horrors and conditions soldiers face. In this case, the all would be not only the conditions of war, but a reference to those higher up in the system who send out people to die in war for their benefit.

- "Tell me all the time not to worry, think of all the time I'll, I'll have with you." - flashbacks to their past, especially their childhood, are very important in FukuFuku's dynamic. They did spend a lot of time together, becoming close friends as teens and working in the military together for a while until Fukuchi's deployment, and even reconnecting occasionally in adulthood. But their time together is limited by Fukuchi's plans.

- "Lay me down where the trees bend low, Put me down where the greenery stings" - possibly can refer to the childhood Dojo and the tree they both climb, which we see recreated in the book world and in flashbacks. I'm kind of hoping that after the end of the current arc we can see a gravestone at that tree by the Dojo for Fukuchi but maybe that's unrealistic to wish for.

- "When I lay with you in this auld lang room, Wishin' I was the way that you say you are." - a twist on the phrase 'auld lang syne' (meaning 'for old time's sake' or 'old long since'), the auld lang room is again the childhood Dojo, but specifically in the recreation in Poe's novel. For the second line, I could see it as Fukuzawa wishing he was strong enough to take up the mantle of the leader of mankind like Fukuchi believes him to be (i'm not hugely confident on this reading tho).

- "You'll go fight a war, I'll go missing" - this was the line that really solidified my idea for this. Fukuchi does go fight a war, one which does major damage to his mental wellbeing and truly shapes the rest of his life. Fukuzawa meanwhile, doesn't necessarily go missing in the same way it means for Ethel. To me it represents Fukuzawa's time as an assassin, hidden in the shadows doing work for the government. They both think they're doing the 'correct' thing to end the conflict.

- "Maybe you're right and we should stop watching the news, 'Cause baby I've never seen brown eyes look so blue" - The news here can be a representation of the conflict and divides across the world, ones which Fukuchi is desperate to resolve and eradicate. But we can see how the over awareness of this and how he internalises that it is his responsibility to end these conflicts has changed him - how the war damaged his mental health and how he now believes the only way for him to change the world is to die at his best friend's hands. It can also be a reference to how his appearance changes drastically once Amenogozen possesses his body and wreaks havoc - using his own face, but slightly altered, to go against his goals.

- "Held close all the time, knowin', this was all for you" - the held close part makes me think of how Fukuzawa holds Fukuchi as he dies in the anime. But the main part of this line is that this was all for you part. Because in the end, Fukuchi's plan revolves around Fukuzawa being the one to fight him, kill him, and assume leadership of the army of mankind. The One Order was even attuned to Fukuzawa's voice. No matter how big or idealistic the burden may be, Fukuchi knew who he wanted it to go to. Whether you think it's out of spite or love, it was still all for Fukuzawa.

- "Think of us inside, Gardenias on the tiles, where it makes no difference who held back from who." - Maybe there was a way that Fukuzawa and Fukuchi could have both survived and found a way to stay friends. Where it would make no difference why Fukuchi lied and tried to sacrifice himself, and why Fukuzawa refused to kill him. Maybe this reality existed for a moment in Poe's novel, surrounded by their childhood Dojo. Gardenias (according to the genius lyric annotations) are representative of a deep emotional connection, but can be easily wilted or bruised. That emotional connection is still there, but it is impacted by outside forces and their own actions, and it is now damaged.

- "To love me is to suffer me" - whilst Ethel's view of herself like this comes from low self-esteem, Fukuchi's is much more literal. The people who cared for him (in particular Fukuzawa and Teruko) have suffered greatly due to his plan, like how Fukuzawa refused to kill his friends so Teruko, despite her similar care for Fukuchi, stepped up to kill him instead. Most of the ADA have also suffered at Fukuchi's hands. And now that his body has been taken over by Amenogozen, they continue to suffer from something that bears Fukuchi's face. The ones that have cared for him and their associates have suffered the most due to his plan and actions. Caring for Fukuchi has lead to their suffering. To love him is to suffer him.

[Just a small thing for now, I've been a bit busy recently so I haven't had the chance to write much. I seemingly cannot shut up about FukuFuku when it comes to BSD haha. Anyways 'Willoughby Tucker, I will always love you', Ethel Cain's second album comes out August 8th so make sure you give it a listen, alongside Nettles which is its first single and it out now.]

[starlostlix]

Wuh luh Wuh

[starlostlix]

i am just like sherlock holmes because i too cannot sit in a chair normally

[starlostlix]

I GOT VOLUME 19 OF YUUMORI!!! (SPOILERS WITH PANELS)

And I have to talk about it there's just so much going on in my brain. It's bullet pointed for easier reading and easier layout because there's so many relatively small points here I just want to mention.

- Sherlock's plan to split the enemy up and the ways to confuse/disorient them actually seems so smart where'd he learn battle strategy.

- The way Billy was ready to sacrifice himself to help Sherlock because he promised William that Sherlock would come back in one piece... I love Billy's addition to the series.

- I love the way William shows up but this panel of his horse took me out 😭

- The way Sherlock and William look at each other I can't do this

- SHERLOCK PROTECTING WILLIAM'S BLIND SIDEEEE. it's so skk of them

- Goodnight Lowe's sacrifice to take down the Parrott rifle and its ammo is so well done... truly a hero (and I love how a lot of the Morigang and Watson/Miss Hudson also acknowledge that). Also his name reveal at the end being that of one of the major characters in The Valley of Fear story is genius I love it.

- Billy and Shaw saying they have to get out of this alive to keep Lowe's story and memory going.... it's so Who Lives Who Dies Who tells your Story it's so Hamilton.

- Billy's confrontation with McGinty and him not being able to pull the trigger is in a way reminiscent of Sherlock's confrontation with Hope in A Study in S. It's very interesting to me that he chooses to have the law punish him rather than to k!ll him because he's moved past the idea of revenge and simply needs forgiveness from his friend Garrett, which he can't get, so he has to forgive himself. But also the way McGinty describes how he k!lled Garrett....

- I would talk a lot more about what William says to Sherlock but honestly that may be a seperate post entirely that's generally related to William's mental state during the America arc. For now THIS IS SO SWEET AAAA

- "I want you by my side to light the fire within my heart." EXCUSE ME. THATS SO ROMANTIC WHAT THE HELL.

- Billy's response is top tier he's so funny

- I wonder how the international crime ring Sherlock and William have been looking into factors in to part 2.... they may have some part in supplying the drugs that they've been focused on for a bit now.

- Sherlock communicating secretly with John via 'fan letters" is so funny. Also love that they're being transferred to MI6 ALONG WITH BILLY!!!!

- The Albert Crème Brûlée bit is so funny they're all so silly. I've never had crème brûlée before so I'll have to take their word for how good it is.

- "There is still much to discuss of what the future holds for us now. So until we meet again, Sherlock." I need them to reunite now somebody sedate me.

- Ending with everyone doing casual tasks and that the city is at peace and the birds in the sky and the bright sun both outside and shining on everyone especially William oh this is so beautiful.....

[starlostlix]

She can do whatever she wants to me 🙂‍↕️

[starlostlix]

The english dub of Yuumori's Dancer on the Bridge episode is crazy to me because both Reki and Cherry Blossom's english VAs from SK8 are in this episode in one-off roles (Lucian Atwood and Dudley Bale respectively), AND Langa's english VA also voices Louis Moriarty throughout the whole series. It's like a SK8 english VA reunion.

[starlostlix]

That full stop after 'did' is doing a LOT of heavy lifting for the meaning of this sentence

[starlostlix]

Happy one year anniversary to this! I'm in the middle of a reread of the series right now (up to volume 6, started yesterday... unintentionally close to the same time i read it initially last year) and it's so fun. Volume 19 comes out in English soon so later this month I will have all of Part 1!

The shelves have also changed dramatically so maybe i'll do a shelf tour post soon.

May have bought the first 9 volumes of the MTP manga.... (honestly i got them for a good price in bulk so it's not too bad) but i'm so happy!!!

i'm 4 volumes in and it's all so interesting especially the storylines that got cut from the anime like The Haunting of the Baskervilles and The Man with the Golden Army. I also love Moniepeny i'm so sad she got cut from the anime she's sweet.

They now join my BSD light novel shelf (my BSD main manga, Wan and Beast collection are in the other shelf to the right). A better set up will probably be sorted later on but for now i'm just enjoying them being there.

[starlostlix]

[starlostlix]

Yuumori - Sherlock + William - Guilt, Sin and friendship - Final Problem Acts 1-4 (Vol 13) focus

So I was inclined to re read the Final Problem arc (for some unspecified reason) and I'm always noticing new things on re reads - this is no exception. In particular I was drawn to the way both William and Sherlock explore the concept of guilt, especially when it comes to Watson's discussion of the concept in his 'rant' to Sherlock, and Liam's conversations with Fred. It feels like Watson is trying to warn Sherlock of the exact guilt that Liam is going through, and how both Sherlock and Liam treat themselves as a sacrifice for the greater good on different scales.

[Its highly possible that this has been touched upon before and in better depth by many people I just wanted to talk about it haha]

So the volume starts off with William being certain that Sherlock will kill him because "once you kill for the first time, killing again becomes much simpler." This is super interesting because we know that Sherlock will not end up trying to kill William later on, and so this could be interpreted as a generalisation of repeat offenders. But William knows that Sherlock is different - he's always felt that Sherlock was the only one to truly understand him and Sherlock also believes the same for Liam - so it could even feel like William is projecting. William wants to die - as he establishes to Fred - and so he may hope that Sherlock is able to kill him, but he could also be regretting making Sherlock a killer and having to saddle him with the guilt of murder for the greater good (much like Liam himself has had to do)

Sherlock meanwhile is being arrested and is confessing to the murder of Milverton, but since there is no body or witnesses he is not necessarily able to be taken to court - and has therefore accidentally committed the 'perfect crime'. He responds "Great! That's perfect!" since Milverton is no longer a threat and he can still peruse the Lord of Crime - which John does not take well to. There's many quotes to draw attention to, so I'm going to have to make a list.

- "Do you think murdering a man is okay just because you made it the perfect crime? If you agree with that, then you're no different from the Lord of Crime!!" - Sherlock's murder of Milverton is clearly meant to parallel how the Lord of Crime murders 'devils' in the name of the 'greater good', but Sherlock has always disagreed with the Lord of Crime's methods in the past. And now he has done something similar to save people he is close to from harm, even if it was largely because he was backed into a corner.

- "To me you're an irreplaceable friend!" - this line is surprisingly important because it fuels Sherlock's entire motivation to save William: friendship. William is his friend and he wants to save him because he cares about him and views him as 'irreplaceable'. He believes he deserves to live, just as John believes Sherlock deserves to live without the guilt of murder hanging over him.

- "Making a murderer of yourself! Trying to make a 'noble sacrifice' of yourself for my sake! Did you honestly believe any of that would make me happy?!" - another really key quote because it echoes how many of Moriarty group feel about William dying alone in the plan. Louis and Fred in particular voice that as much as William is going to improve the state of living via his plan, it's not making them happy for Liam to sacrifice his life for their betterment. These actions also show a similar kindness and yet a lack of self care within both William and Sherlock - they both put their happiness and lives on the line without truly considering how it will affect those around them (I think William is more aware of this than Sherlock, but William is more burdened by guilt that he shoulders alone to see a way he can be helped, and so refuses help from those who offer).

- "...That does erase the crime you committed. You still murdered a man! You'll beat an eternal burden of moral responsibility. What you'll do to punish yourself. How heavy the cross you now bear will be. What the bloody hell do you think you can do to make up for it?!" - This quote feels like it truly encapsulates William's situation. Because of his actions he feels eternally burdened by the guilt and responsibility. He punishes himself by continuing to commit these acts, to stain his hands further until he views himself as irredeemable. He bears an extremely heavy cross for not only him but his entire organisation, intending to make up for it all via the only way he can think is viable - eliminating himself for a better world. Watson is warning Sherlock of this same path and the weight of guilt on the psyche even for just one death. It's important for Sherlock to know this because not only does it help him understand Liam's actions better, but also helps him understand how neglectful he has been to himself as he's so willing to ruin himself to help John. And the thing that really helps Sherlock work past this is his friendship with John.

William's conversation with Fred shows the other extreme side of this - what happens when that guilt continues to build up and feel inescapable. I've approached this conversation from Fred's view before in my Louis and Fred analysis, but the best way to summarise is quoting William - "Now my hands are stained crimson up to the wrists. No matter how I try I can never wipe them clean again. That's why, Fred, after all i've done, I want to die." "Despite it all, I can't forgive myself."

William, despite the intentions of his actions, can never forgive himself for the crimes he has committed. The weight of the guilt he has to bear, the cross he has to carry - it has broken him down to the point he see no hope of redemption. Hell is his punishment, what awaits him after he has completed his mission. He is, in his mind, completely unredeemable, and he sees no route out of this besides death. And we get this quote - "I've never been fond of cigarettes, to be honest. They aren't good for the lungs" as he finishes a cigarette himself. He smokes because he sees no point of taking care of his body anymore, because he sees no future. The weight of guilt has broken him down fully.

Outside of this we also see him add to his guilt by continuing to murder, not even letting Moran step in when he offers in the murder of Glover (and its interruption by the attempted sacrifice of his older son, which I may have to do a separate post about). He is determined to add to his guilt perhaps as further justification to himself of his solitary guilt and the desire to prevent others having the make the sacrifice he's burdened himself alone with.

The final part I want to talk about is Sherlock's conversation with John near the end of the volume, where Sherlock apologises to John for his previous actions. I have to do another list to break down these quotes:

- "I'm sorry. I did what I did thinking I was doing what I could for you in my own way. But the method I chose didn't take my own welfare into account... I've never regarded my own welfare very highly. Never took too close a look at myself at all really. I didn't care what happened to me. As long as... you were happy, that's all that mattered to me." - Sherlock admits here that he, similarly to William, hasn't ever really given his own welfare much priority when trying to help others (they both have an element of deep kindness in them like that), and his main motivation was making sure John and Mary were safe from harm no matter the consequences on him.

- "But you helped me realise how wrong that is. Friendship isn't a one way street! As much as I need you, you surely need me in return." - Sherlock acknowledges how his attempted sacrifice would harm him and John's friendship. It does lead directly into the next quote but I wanted that to be its own separate (and the main) point.

- "As long as there's even one person who needs me like that, I ought to take better care of myself!" - In our case, William is another person that needs Sherlock like that. William needed Sherlock to help change the world, and to let him help him atone for his sins. Sherlock also needs Liam to help atone himself, and so they atone together and help support each other. They both need each other equally, as we see in the America arc. As much as this quote is central to Sherlock and John's friendship, it's also central to how Sherlock approaches his friendship with Liam. It's how friendship drives both Sherlock and Liam to atone and better themselves for each other's sakes, and their own sakes.

[I don't think this is the strongest analysis type thing I've posted but I really wanted to talk about it because I really stuck with me on my re read. It's really interesting how this series approaches guilt and I find it really cool how situations/characters are written to represent different parts of the potential expression of guilt. I should probably do more analyses like these I really like writing them, but for me unless I suddenly do more research reads of Yuumori manga it's back to reading the Sherlock short stories... I need to finish the Dancing Men...]

[starlostlix]

i still haven't moved on about how atsushi is finally moving past the headmaster, because it Is a product of his own mind and it itself is telling him it will disappear, and akutagawa recognizing that dazai is not his number one priority anymore. and this happening simultaneously. i

[starlostlix]

UEDA.

[starlostlix]

so akutagawa can seemingly make any clothes he can think of with his ability (like his armour).... so what about an au where he's a independent fashion designer/model who specialises in sharp edged dramatic outfits that act as statement pieces for fashion events...

i could see him doing fashion designs that draw inspiration from goth subcultures in particular but he'd be specifically contracted for custom pieces for single events (and he would also design non-ability-based recreations of his outfits (made by his ability to cut pieces out, but not made of it) but the og outfit would be ability based and a one time thing, so it would be a big honour to dressed by him or see any of his ability based outfits in person). he'd also model a lot of his ability based designs so he'd also be a famous model as well as designer which seems like a fun idea.

my idea is that he'd start with a base colour shirt/trouser (like he used his white shirt as part of his ability in the sskk Fukuchi ship battle) and work from there like he does with the knights armour. and he's also been able to transfer parts of his ability to atsushi before via his coat so maybe he could also transfer designs to other models to wear via that system!

if anyone's already done this that is awesome i don't really read a ton of aus/fanfic so i wouldn't really know (i'd also love to see if anyone has any art of this kind of concept!!)

[starlostlix]

BSD 123 POSES MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!!!

spoilers under the cut!!

FIRST THINGS FIRST A NEW FREAKING CHARACTER!!!!! I got into the manga around chapter 100/101 so this is I think the first time i've witnessed a new character introduced in like real time (besides Gozen if he counts).

And here they are, Ueda Akinari! We've only seen a bit of their design but I loveeee their bob. Served.

(BTW i'm using the wiki mostly here so I do recommend searching up more about the author yourselves! this is just an overview)

So the author Ueda Akinari was a Japanese author/scholar/poet in the 1700s. His writings were often about supernatural powers and creatures - an early pioneer of the genre Yomihon. He has two main famous works, the one inspiring the character's ability being titled 'Ugetsu Monogatari', or 'Tales of Moonlight and Rain' - a collection of 9 short stories adapted from Japanese and Chinese ghost stories. Interestingly the character design has a scar on the left eye, which may link to how the real Ueda Akinari had temporary blindness before regaining vision in his left eye.

We learn that this character is the creator of Amenogozen, and has had no visitors since its creation 1500 years ago. They've likely been trapped in the divine being's core since the creation or not long after. There's a theory this could be 'that man' fyodor mentioned being who he had fought against previously, which i like the idea of. Anyways I am so so excited about this new character and what their lore may be!!! Here's how Fukuchi described the origin of Amenogozen for some more context :)

In other news we do have Atsushi and Akutagawa centric parts of the chapter. Focusing on Atsushi first, he is opening the door to the core and talking to the hallucination of the Headmaster.

I think we now have Atsushi truly rejecting the influence of the Headmaster on his life. For most of the story Atsushi has wanted to get the Headmaster's teachings and memories, and it's great that we could be seeing this happen. Although the way Atsushi reacts to the Headmaster saying he will be gone by even today is interesting. It looks kind of fearful, maybe fearing what would take his place and if something worse is on the horizon, or that he is so used to his presence that he wouldn't know what it would be like without it. But the Headmaster is gone when the door is opened, so maybe he's gone for good now? We will have to see.

Then, Akutagawa! His arc is so interesting right now and this only furthers that.

So Akutagawa is getting beat up by Gozen right now, and he's saying his vampiric healing is slowing and he could be minutes away from death... kind of insane dude. But even at this point he doesn't think of Dazai anymore!!! This chapter seems to have both parts of sskk freeing themselves from their previous abusers which I think it great parallels for them and great character development. Even more interestingly, AKUTAGAWA IS THINKING OF ATSUSHI!!!! THINKING OF HIS PROMISE NOT TO KILL PEOPLE FOR SIX MONTHS!!! THINKING ABOUT ATSUSHI'S ADVICE ON TRUE STRENGTH!!! THINKING ABOUT ATSUSHI'S SACRIFICE FOR HIM!!!

(also thinking of his mouth in the void... thinking of his lips akutagawa I know what you are/j)

And the focus on Akutagawa's eyes!!! THERES MORE LIGHT IN HIS EYES WHEN THINKING OF ATSUSHI!!! He then talks about how Atsushi is 'his ordeal', and he wanted Atsushi returned 'to me'... dude. Akutagawa is finally acknowledging his connection to Atsushi and how much he means to him and it's wonderful!!! The SSKK developments in recent chapters has been so good i'm so excited to see where it can go from here.

[I'm really excited for the direction the story is going right now it looks so interesting! It's late for me tho so I've ran out of more ideas now but I may add more tomorrow if I have any more thoughts.]

[starlostlix]

Not manga related but I went to Thorpe Park on Saturday and got my first rides on Hyperia!!! Row 9 first ride and back row 2nd ride it was so insane actually so so much airtime!!! I had a yosano keychain with me but I didn't take a photo of her with any coasters hahah. Got on all the other coasters except stealth tho it was closed :(

Other coaster photos I took because coaster skyline pictures >>>>>

[starlostlix]

This is from yesterday but It's my 1 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

I love posting Yuumori and BSD content on here, I'll try my best to keep it up however life goes!

[starlostlix]

Working on something rn but until then take at look at these guys my mum got me for easter

BSD MINI MOCHIS!!!! I got a bundle of Atsushi, Kyouka, Dazai, Kunikida, Yosano and Akutagawa. (The squishmallow is a 7in one that's there for scale).

They're so silly i love them dearly. My personal favourite is Kyouka because I love the details of her outfit and design (she has hairband, a bow on her back and flowers in her hair it's so cute).

Also here's this photo I took of the Aku one.