stillhaventgotmydriverslicense
the good witch
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love is stored in the mid biryani we ate at the cheap knock off of marine drive 5 mins from my house 2 days before your exams
#love is stored in the way u dont hate me for my family#its stored in the way u pretended to not know me when u were leaving so i wouldnt get in trouble#its stored in the way u kiss me with your mouth closed because u know i like it more like that#its stored in the way i dont hate any part of my body when im hugging u#its stored in the way u realise that neither one of us is wrong; just different#its stored in the way u understand that i only get mad because i care and i only have expectations because i believe u care#ita stored in the way u hold my hand and carry my bags even though we both know im perfectly capable of doing it on my own#love is my ring on your finger and my marks on your body#love is stored in the hate you have for my dad#love is the way your friends adopted me#love is how u were worried mujhe tumahri adat lag jayegi aur jaise tumhe meri adat lag gyi#love is stored in the cringe 2010s romantic songs#love is me finishing your journal and then scolding u#love is sharing food#love is the way some part of you is always touching some part of me when we're together#love is how i dont need to see u to know you are crying#love is you crying at rhe thought of losing me ans still not hating me for choosing my freedom#love is us#love is stored in the park near our hostel which is now more sacred to me than any temple in the history of man#love is the chocolate brownie icecream#love is you walking barefeet so i wouldnt have to#love is what you make me feel
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please please please get out of my head
#ive spent my life thinking in monologues to people#obviously it changes sometimes but i think it mostly remains the same#started with my parents in my head as a kid#then the great depression hit and i have no idea what my thoughts were till 2013#then anubhavi with sprinklings of joy and vanshika and some other people for a while but they were all distractions#and then it was saumya for a very long time#and then it was the girl who shall not be named#and then it was you#and ive gotten so intimate to so many people so theyd because the person im monologing to in my head#but theyre just small breaks#no matter how hard i try the default comes back to u#i hate u#i dont want to say anything to#you are a symptom of my mental illness#i do not love u#u dont even exist#please leave me alone#i dont think the universe wouldve let u be on my mind for so long if u didnt want to be#please get out#idk how but i need u to stop existing#i need u to stop taking dares involving me and i need u to not think ahout my boyfriend or prom or how ugly my hair is#i need u to go back to hating me#i cant hate u anymore its so exhausting#i have given up so much just for distance from u why cant u just get out of my head#he loves me#he really really loves me#and i love him too#so why isnt he the voice in my head#why is it you#lmao i reached that 30 tag limit
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even if I fix us you'll only ever tolerate my love, u could never celebrate it
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I'm sorry for the way I've been handling things
i like you. you don't like me. i cant change that. you don't like me and you're the villain in my head but I like you and that is MY problem.
I'm sorry but I don't really know why cause I've handled it in every single way I could have and all of them were wrong. i regret you all the time. i think that's my thing, regretting all the love I gave away too soon to people who didn't even want it.
you are not the villain. you're not even a part of this story. you're not wrong and you're not evil and it still hurts and it's still true and I'm not some victim but sometimes people fall and break a bone and it hurts and theres no villain or victim but it still hurts. I'm not an awful person pretending to be a victim just because I'm crying about my pain. but that's all you'll ever see the crying for, as me trying to be the victim, so no more crying.
#geez god i was with him for 2 fucking weeks#grow up u bitch#listen to maisie peters#no more getting attached to men you cant have
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discord has been redeemed
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speedran through an entire situationship in less than 100 hours since meeting him and that has to be some type of world record
#hes so-#and he makes me feel so-#and we could be so -#but atleast i saved both of us a lot of hurt in the future#but also could i have not held his hand one time before i ended it?#sometimes i do dumb shit#anyway#gotta find a boyfriend now
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flirted with a guy for hours only to find out he writes poems
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i dont listen to any of the songs u introduced me to, it terrifies me to think about what will happen if we both listen to the same song at the same time
#so please dont listen to october passed me by by girl in red#im trying but idk if i can stop myseld from listening to it#i wish i could put u in a box in a secret place
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｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
ﾟ. October will bring blessings.
ﾟ･｡･ﾟ
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it's october
#i hate u so much i can't breathe#i miss u so much i cant breathe#stayed up the whole night yesterday so I'll be asleep today and not have to deal with it being october#but im still crying#why#i talk to my friends and we joke about how u just did what u did to me because u are evil#we talk about u like u are a cartoon villain from a disney movie#because idk how else to talk about u#i used to talk to strangers about u#now i cant even talk to my friends about u#i feel so much shame for what u did to me#i wish i actually believed u were an evil cartoon villain#because there's no other explanation for what u did#but i knew u#u werent evil#does that mean im evil?#you have caused so much damage by just not caring#october
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STOP! DYING! IN! MY! DREAMS!
#i stayed in bed for 6 hours after waking up because i couldnt move#its always so graphic#u were so horrible to me that i should enjoy these dreams but they're my most frequent nightmare#i hope youre okay#please dont be dead#please please please be alive#the first thing i did when i woke up was check my mom's phone for any messages from your mom in case u actually died#my heart was actually in my throat#i blocked u but i still follow your bestfriend just in case something happens to u#i dont want to care about u anymore#please stop being in my dreams#please stop dying in my dreams
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somedays i do better and other days I'm hiding in the corner of a room full of people trying to be as invisible as possible smiling like a maniac cause I feel like I have 'mopey' tattooed on my forehead
#wish she would've literally slapped me instead of ever using that word#not glorifying domestic abuse#but i definitely feel like if she was a man she'd beat her wife just to feel powerful#thats an awful thing to say about someone#especially her cuz i know her life but damn in another life it wouldve been so easy for to be an absolute douchebag#some people are kind because thats who they are and others are kind because of their trauma but at their core as people theyre not#like she did the most vile shit but it was okay because she didnt do anything on her list of shit that counts as abusive#sometimes i genuinely wonder how i ever loved her#but even as i write this ik some part of me loves her#but some part of my mom still loves my abusive cheating dad and hes still a monster so maybe she was just a monster too
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I'm so scared, he said he likes me, he said he likes me since the day we met years ago but u said u loved me and u said forever and u said u were mine and they were all lies so what if he's lying too?
i haven't even been me since last Diwali so how can he like me now? i dont recognise the person I'm pretending to be, i hate her, she's the worst parts of u I adopted to protect myself for future yous
i regret you all the time
#also i dont think i can ever date a best friend again#getting over our relationship atleast feels possible but it almost feels like u murdered our friendship#i cant lose him as a friend#i cut off so many people to give u all my time#(which was def 100 percent my fault)#but it means i lost all my long term friends#him and peaches are kinda all i have left#if i date him and he hates me like u did then i wont have a friend#i should sleep#its 227am#i wish we handled things better#but how much can i really expect from 2 hurt kids
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i have to go out tomorrow but we're leaving for a week the day after so I have to pack but it's already 2am but if I don't pack and clean before the sun comes up then I can't go out tomorrow and I really need to go out tomorrow
#dad's making me miss first week of college but I've honestly given up#like hes so pathetic i dont even care im not fighting him#karma is gonna get him someday and I'll watch with popcorn
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i have to go out tomorrow but we're leaving for a week the day after so I have to pack but it's already 2am but if I don't pack and clean before the sun comes up then I can't go out tomorrow and I really need to go out tomorrow
#dad's making me miss first week of college but I've honestly given up#like hes so pathetic i dont even care im not fighting him#karma is gonna get him someday and I'll watch with popcorn
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today was the best day ever
#i love my friends and my sister so much#also yes i fainted in a diy but no one is going to remember that#hanging out in my room>>>hanging out anywhere else
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