#also i dont think i can ever date a best friend again

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

okay so I saw an ask that's similar to a situation I'm going through, and now I feel like I have to ask...AITA? NSFW content

(🐊🩷💀 for me to find)

this will be long, I'll try to shorten it

I've been married to my (25f) partner (27 mtf) for almost 6 years. I'm going to use he/him pronouns for him because he hasn't begun his transition and still wants these pronouns, but 3 years ago he came out to me as trans. we live in a not great state (US) for that, and so he hasn't begun his transition bc he personally doesn't want to start until he can also start medically, but, he was born a male and wants to transition to female

This was nbd to me at the time because I'm bisexual, so I was like "alright cool let's figure out how to get out of this state then and let you live your best life." we haven't been able to move financially, but we are hoping for next year.

When I believed he was still a male (if this is not the proper wording PLEASE correct me, I just don't know how else to say it??) we had this understanding that if I wanted to sleep with women, I could, bc I never have actually slept w a woman before. This never actually happened bc I'm terrible at flirting/weird w sex in general, so it never applied. However, around the time he came out to me, I began maturing (?) sexually myself. I got a SUPER high libido out of nowhere, started thinking about things I've never really wanted to do before (threesomes, etc) and thought about the possibility of sleeping w other men bc, idk, I just wanted to? I honestly considered (am still considering) if I'm sexually monogamous or not

I LOVE my partner, I do not want to leave him, but I literally cannot control my sex drive. When we have sex, it's great, but I also wanna sleep around a little. It has nothing to do w him and I don't wanna leave him, and honestly I don't even like the men I've considered as people, I just think they're hot. I'd never date them in a million years bc they're personalities are...not compatible to me. I honestly think they're assholes, it's just physical.

Anyways, when he came out, a few weeks later I proposed this question to him. I said "hey, you always said I could sleep with a woman bc it'd be a different experience than I could get with you, when you medically transition, can I sleep with men? I really like sex with a penis and you know straps kinda scare me a little. of course it'd just be sex." He kinda flipped, we got in a big argument and almost broke up over it bc he thinks I want to cheat on him. It doesnt help that around the same time, a male friend was showing big big interest in me, and when my husband asked who I'd even want to sleep with, I said this friend, and then he was convinced I had feelings for him and I lost some of his trust. Nothing ever happened w this friend, and nothing EVER would without my partner knowing and being okay with it, but he definitely lost trust in me.

His side of the story is, well honestly I don't understand it. I've been too afraid to bring it up again bc of how big the fight was, and everytime I broach the subject, he thinks I want to leave him/cheat on him. He says he's uncomfortable w me having sex w a man even after he transitions. He's tried explaining how it's different to him, but I don't understand. I think a lot of it is he just doesn't trust men and honestly probably hates them. I'm definitely attracted to women, but I like penetrative sex. Penetrative toys scare me, I've had panic attacks using them before. I just can't do it, I don't see them as an option. I love my partner and I dont want to leave him, but I also don't want to forego a sexual experience I enjoy.

TLDR; I've gotten a crazy high libido the last few years, my trans partner is uncomfortable with me sleeping with men once he transitions, even though I've been "allowed" to sleep with women this entire time that he still presents as male

Am I the asshole? Would I be if I brought it up again?

[stillhaventgotmydriverslicense]

I'm so scared, he said he likes me, he said he likes me since the day we met years ago but u said u loved me and u said forever and u said u were mine and they were all lies so what if he's lying too?

i haven't even been me since last Diwali so how can he like me now? i dont recognise the person I'm pretending to be, i hate her, she's the worst parts of u I adopted to protect myself for future yous

i regret you all the time

[rootbeerfloats]

sometimes i wonder how im supposed to move on from her its like she carved out a part of my brain and now lives there

[rrxnjun]

where do broken hearts go? [lmk]

you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

pairing: mark lee x fem! reader

genre: exes to lovers. angst, fluff.

wc: 12k (11.926)

warnings: mention of sex, weed and alcohol, heartbreak, swearing, park jihoon of treasure is one sassy bitch and also accidentally somehow the main character of this fanfic plz dont @ me, inconsistent writing style bc i took 3 months and 3 depressive episodes to finish this fic

playlist: where do broken hearts go - one direction / too good to say goodbye - bruno mars / everytime - ariana grande / closer - waterparks / tornado warnings - sabrina carpenter / survive the night - the boyz

a/n: hey do some of you still remember me..... AHAHA tell a friend to tell a friend rrxnjun is BACK! this fic isn't the ideal vision i had in my mind but we are working on not being so hard on ourselves with our writing so! here we are. i still kind of like it :,)

When you walk up to your best friend’s apartment one day with a tub of ice cream under your arm and the biggest pout on your face, Park Jihoon makes a complete list of things you should do to get over your failed relationship with Mark Lee. And while you think your dear friend has some psychopathic tendencies sometimes, you’d say the list is actually pretty reasonable of him. 

There’s something about the five simple steps that makes you wonder if it’s really as easy as Jihoon makes it sound. And while you doubt it– because the pinging pain in your heart makes it seem like the heartbreak is truly going to kill you in a few minutes if you don’t do something about it– you give it a try, because come on… you’d do anything to not feel like this ever again.

Step one – cry it out.

“He was a cunt anyway,” Jihoon mutters as he steps into the living room with two spoons in his hands, throwing one of them to you– while almost managing to hit you in the middle of your forehead in the process, adding a concussion to the mix of problems you have going on right now– and you find yourself furrowing your brows at his hateful comment.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, as your best friend, I’m supposed to be on your side, no?” he says as he takes a seat on the sofa next to you, watching as you wrap one of the thick blankets you got for the male around your figure– you bought it mainly for yourself, because his apartment is cold as a freezer and you knew he wouldn’t buy one for you to use in the first place– and shrugs. “Besides, he broke your heart, and any male who does that is a cunt in my eyes.”

“I broke up with him,” you mourn, “so I broke my own heart,” you snicker, despair fully filling you up from the inside– fitting everywhere into your lungs and choking you up from how bad you truly feel. Now, this isn’t your first breakup– you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends in high school (in your baddie era, as Jihoon called it), but Choi Yeonjun from Maths class and Jung Woonyoung, the guy you dated for a total of 2 months over the summer break before he moved away, weren’t exactly boys you found yourself falling in love with. Sure, you liked them, you kissed them and went on dates with them– hell, you even hooked up with Yeonjun once before you realized the relationship truly wasn’t for you– but no one managed to cave into your heart just as much as Mark Lee, your first college boyfriend did.

“But you sure had a reason for it, come on!” Jihoon huffs, taking the tub of ice cream from your hands and opening it for you, since you’ve gotten quite weak from the lack of sleep and nutritions ever since the break up, hands clammy and not cooperating. “You don’t just break up with someone to break your own heart. He did that, that’s why you said goodbye to him,” he says before sitting the enormous tub of ice cream between your two bodies, nudging you to dig into the frozen delicacy.

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, young lady. We are here to make you forget you ever even dated Mark Lee, so open up, eat the ice cream and focus your attention on Titanic so you can finally cry it out,” he says, and by the tone of his voice, you’d think he’s angry with you. Jihoon has this aura around him that makes you think he’s always at least a little annoyed at everything– but he told you to not mind it and that it’s just his sassy bitch attitude. 

He does have a point, though. You broke up with Mark because he broke your heart first– there was no other reason for it. If it was something minor, something small, you were sure you could work on it. You have, numerous of times before, brought up something and had a mature conversation about it– something you always so admired about Mark, being so cautious and understanding when navigating problems in the relationship– but when you bring up the same thing over and over, and it never gets fixed despite him telling you he’ll try harder next time, you think you’re allowed to feel a little heartbroken at his nonexistent efforts. And that’s exactly why you decided to quit the relationship– after a while, you felt like you were putting in more effort than he was, effectively making you feel like he’s not even that interested in dating you in the first place.

First, he just told you he was forgetful. He forgot he promised to pick you up from class one day– and you said that it’s okay, he is busy, after all– and it was the first time it happened, so you didn’t really mind that much, truly. Then, he forgot about the date you scheduled– but it was fine, because you didn’t have reservations anyway, you could change the day to any other day of the week, after all. He kept forgetting the stuff you told him in between the conversations you shared– and it was small things, you understand, but sometimes, you wondered if he was ever really listening to you at all. 

Forgetful soon turns not interested in your eyes, and when he doesn’t call you in the evening like he promised he would, when he doesn’t show up to the party you invited him to, because he forgot it was that day, you’re one step closer to calling it quits, because each and every one of these situations sends a sharp pain into your stomach. The last straw was just last week, though– and realistically, it was an important day, as much that you thought the day is somehow gonna fix everything, but the truth is somewhere completely else as Mark Lee forgets about your one year anniversary and never shows up at your doorstep for the dinner you prepared for the two of you like he promised he would. 

And it doesn’t click in him two days after either– you don’t even get a text. He got so forgetful over time that he forgot about you completely, and that’s when you took an uber to his place and broke up with him for good.

And even though the breakup was the most painful thing you’ve ever felt yourself go through, Jihoon is right– you’re not the one that broke your own heart. Mark Lee did that for you many times before, and this was just the breaking point.

“Fucking hell, you bought cookies and cream again?” Jihoon huffs when he takes another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, eyebrows furrowing at the sweet taste. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you wipe your left cheek as you hum, immune to his nagging by now.

“You know I hate cookies and cream!”

“You know, Hoon, I bought this for myself. When you’re the one that’s heartbroken, we’ll share your favorite ice cream flavor instead,” you mumble, munching on the coldness on your tongue, sniffling a little when your eyes avert to the TV screen.

And after that, the teasing from your best friend’s side stops. Maybe it’s just because he hates to see you cry– and he rarely gets the chance, if you’re being honest, since you’re pretty good at handling your emotions– but you secretly know that it’s because when he looks back at the TV screen in front of the two of you, the sad part of the movie hasn’t even started yet and the tears are not the result of the movie, but of your own thoughts instead.

Step two – give him back all of his stuff and the stuff he’s given you that reminds you of him. Demand that he does the same.

Now, step two was a thing most couples do when they break up. Realistically, it makes sense– you wouldn’t want stuff that’s not yours just laying around, and also, it’s just bound to remind you of the person you lost. Naturally, you’d want to return it.

“Why does he have to return my things as well?” you mutter under your breath as Jihoon helps you fold all Mark’s hoodies into a cardboard box, alongside with wrapping the little things your ex boyfriend made out of ceramic for you in tissue paper like you asked him to– even though he complained and said that it shouldn’t matter to you if they break, because you are the heartbroken one– but you held those little things too close to your heart to let them get damaged in the first place.

“Because that’s how it works,” Jihoon hums, watching as you throw another one of Mark’s shirts onto the top of his head, shielding his vision. “What, you don’t want your stuff back?”

“I mean…” you mumble, deeply considering of the fact that the thought of getting your stuff back didn’t even cross your mind until now, before you realize your favorite pair of socks is thrown somewhere in Mark’s drawers– the blue ones with peaches on them– and you suddenly have the revelation that while you don’t necessarily need the stuff back, you’d love to wear those socks again. “I guess…” you note as you walk over to Jihoon and take a glance into the full cardboard box, looking over the stuff and chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“It’s like witchcraft, y’know,” Jihoon points out, looking at you with fierce eyes mirroring the stupid idea that just flashed through his brain, “if you don’t exchange the things, a piece of you is still kept at his apartment and you won’t be able to move on.”

And again, Park Jihoon does have psychopathic tendencies, but he may be onto something here. So you listen to him as you nod along and close the cardboard box, ready to drive over to Mark Lee’s apartment and drop off the things you’ve collected from him for the past year. The box includes all of the clothes messily scattered across your drawers and your closet, the picture frame of you two together that you always had on your night stand, the ceramic bowls and a little tiger sculpture he made for you when he took a pottery class with his friend Renjun, and the lost guitar pics you found under your bed and at the very top of your bookshelf from when he used to bring his guitar along and play you songs on rainy afternoons. The only things of Mark’s that you kept were the love letter he gave you for your birthday and the USB with his cover of Justin Bieber’s Off my face on it that he shyly gifted to you on one of your dates; but you would never tell Jihoon that in fear of him getting rid of those most precious memories for you.

It’s good to let go, but you don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to keep something to remind you of the good times. The times you still felt loved by Mark.

“Off we go,” you say, standing up and bringing the box towards your front door, your best friend at your feet. He promised to drive you to Mark’s place– you think he’s worried about you meeting your ex-boyfriend face to face for the first time since the break up, but he said it’s because you’re too broke to Uber all the time, efficiently throwing all the considerate thoughts you were accrediting him out the window– and after a few minutes of the drive, you find yourself standing on the doorstep of Mark Lee's apartment.

Taking a deep breath in and out, almost chickening out with the flood of thoughts and excuses you could say to Jihoon when you come back to his car with the box still in your hands– sayings like “he wasn’t home” or “he didn’t want those back”, the latter stupider than the first– you decide to face your problems head-on and finally knock on the mahogany door, waiting for Mark to answer. And he does– of course he does, because he’s always home, and as his ex-girlfriend of one year, you're painfully aware of the fact– but when that happens, you feel your heart falling all the way down to your stomach, crushing you and suddenly making it hard for you to breathe. 

“Um… hi,” he greets you, voice a little groggy, as if he hasn’t spoken in a while– and when you meet his eyes, the deep chocolate orbs you always found yourself admiring and writing silent odes to in your head, you quickly glance away in fear of staring into them for too long and making decisions you wouldn’t like to make.

“Hi,” you awkwardly greet back, clearing your throat and moving a little in your place, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. You're surprised you're able to keep up with the conversation, thoughts running in your brain faster than you can comprehend them, heartbeat ringing in your ears from the unexpected anxiety. Maybe Jihoon was right and you should've taken a shot before coming here– at least you'd have more courage and social skills clearly needed for this kind of interaction. “I… brought you back your things,” you say, finally looking up at the male and chewing on your lips, letting out an awkward, tense laugh when he stares at you with an empty look, “figured you’d want them back,” you add, watching as the male opens his mouth and closes it in what seems to be shock before he presses his lips tightly together and nods at you.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he watches you clumsily hold up the cardboard box to him, ready to leave his stuff there with him and escape as fast as you can, not really minding how you'll get back to Jihoon's car– if jumping down the window of the entrance hall is the fastest option, you're ready to get to it. The truth is, everything is starting to get a little too hard to bear– his familiar scent filling your nose, the hoodie he wore to your first date enveloping his figure, his messy hair reminding you of the many times you brushed your fingers through it in attempts to smooth it down. It’s only been two weeks since you last saw him, but it was starting to feel as if you forgot about him already and were now relearning all the things you once fell in love with again, looking at him in the same light, yet noticing him and all the small details a little bit differently. “Thanks, I… I actually, uh… I have your stuff here too, so if you want it back I’ll– I can just–”

“Y-yeah,” you nod, almost a little too eagerly, “that would be… cool,” you say, trying hard to ignore the fact that he had your stuff packed too, intending to give it to you, and the crashing reality that comes with it, telling you he was prepared to do this before you were and how it’s making you feel kind of shitty.

Mark moves further into the apartment, the sound of him dropping the box to the floor filling your ears before he’s back at the door in no time, a similar cardboard box in his hands that he offers to you with a tense smile on his face. “Wanted to bring it around so I had an excuse to see you, but you, uh… beat me to it, I guess…” 

Looking at him as you take the box out of his hands, gaze as if to tell him not to say such words to you when you’re still so fragile to his effect, you only nod and mutter out a simple “Thanks,” before you turn on your heel and intend to take the stairs back down.

“I’ll… see you around, then?” Mark calls after you as you take the first step out– something about it making you feel like it’s the first step out of his life, in a way– and you only nod, because one, you truly don’t know how else to reply to this question, and two, you really, really don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but you can't bring yourself to say it to his face. Somehow, it would feel like torture to admit it– and you're not prepared for that reality just yet.

Rushing outside and getting into Jihoon's car, you almost feel like you’re on the verge of breaking, and when the male asks you how it went as he’s reversing out of the parking lot, you only bid him a one-word reply before you look through the box on your way home, too impatient to stay back from the memories.

And Jihoon didn’t really think this one through, because the fact that you gave Mark back the things that reminded you of him meant that he did the same, and now all the things you brought along to Mark’s apartment were in the cardboard box, all stained with countless memories and feelings attached to each and every single thing. The artwork you made for him, the little heart-shaped keychain you gave him for his birthday, the plant you gave him that was now long dead and dried out– those were once your stuff, but all in this world with the intention of love being sent out through them to your now ex-lover, and the fact that they’re in your possession again instead of his is not making letting go of Mark any easier. 

And maybe Mark was right and he truly was forgetful, because as you rummage through the contains of the box, while you find out your favorite blue socks are nowhere to be seen, surely still buried somewhere in the drawers of his closet, obliterated out of his memory, there’s a gray hoodie sitting at the bottom and it’s surely not yours– it’s his and it was always your favorite, and you always used to wear it at his place when you got cold or when you just really wanted to smell his cologne, and you suddenly don't know if it's presence in the box slipped his mind or if he truly left it there on purpose. 

Couldn’t he forget about that too?

Step three – block his number.

The third step comes into place after you accidentally slip out to Jihoon about the phone call you get on a Friday night– more like two hours into Saturday already– and now, most of all, you must admit that your best friend might be right about his advice.

Your phone starts ringing at 2:11 AM, and while you weren’t sleeping– you’ve been having some trouble with dozing off without being overbeared with thoughts lately– the name flashing on your screen shocks you for more reasons than one. 

Mark Lee calls you, three weeks after your breakup, in the middle of the night. You haven’t spoken since the time he gave you back your stuff, and even though you’ve done quite a bit of stalking on his social media, you have no news of him or his whereabouts. Naturally, a call from him in the middle of the night startles you and shakes you to the core. He has no reason to call you, so your brain does the math and concludes there must be an emergency– and god knows that even after being hurt by him, you could never ignore him and leave him hanging in a state of need.

So you pick up– with shaky hands and a raging heartbeat, expecting the worst. Listening to the other side of the line, you take a deep breath in and out, bracing yourself for the impact of the words you’re going to hear. The voice on the other side is laced with haziness and his tone is almost a little tired– worn out, even– when he finally greets you from wherever he is.

“Hi,” Mark says, and for a second, your heartbeat steadies itself and the world stops spinning– he sounds okay, and for a moment, you’re grateful to hear his voice.

Humming, as if to collect your thoughts, you clear your throat before you offer him an answer. “Hello,” you greet, “what’s- what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he says, almost a little abruptly to your question. He doesn't overthink his answer and he doesn't give himself time to think if it's a good idea or not– he just blurts it out and now it's your problem to deal with, when it's there, out in the open. Your palms get sweaty and you start to lose feeling in your fingertips, making you take a few seconds to yourself to process the situation before you decide to finally answer to the strange sentence. 

“It’s late, Mark,” you mumble, and you involuntarily wonder if the sentence doesn’t have double meaning– it's too late for anyone to call at this hour, and at the same time, it’s been weeks since your ex boyfriend lost the privilege of listening to your voice when he can’t sleep in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it– and it’s now too late to do anything about it or make it any easier to deal with.

“Shit, sorry,” he chuckles to himself, and you suddenly recognise the laziness in his voice to be the effect of his and his best friend Hyuck’s Friday endeavors; the sweet coating of his voice being the effect of none other than the momentary bliss that comes with the relaxation of his body and mind when he's high. “Didn’t realize,” he concludes, making you shake your head at him in disbelief– not really mattering that he can’t see you in the act.

“‘s okay,” you mumble– and in your perfect reality, you hang up the phone now. In your perfect reality, you connect it to your charger and close your eyes, calling it a night. You fall asleep with no thoughts rummaging through your brain and wake up in the morning to a new sunny day, ready to take on the responsibilities of what’s to come, having productive days ended with smiles and a hot dinner you make for yourself just because you feel like it. In your perfect reality, you protect your own heart. This is not your perfect reality, though– and that’s why you stay on the line, listening to Mark ramble on the other side of the phone, intoxicated and slightly out of it. You wonder if he’ll remember calling you when he wakes up tomorrow. You wonder if he’ll regret it, or if he’ll just shrug his shoulders at the fact and go on with his day, not really paying you much thought when he’s sober.

“I was with Hyuck just now,” he says, and you hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side of the line, making you wonder if he’s washed up and ready for bed, “and– and I remembered how we all used to hang out together, y’know… you with us all– you always clicked with my friends and it was so cool and stuff… and I realized, right, they’re not as funny when you’re not around… but anyways… Jeno’s girlfriend asked about you, ‘cause she didn’t know…and telling her felt so silly, ‘cause they all kept looking at me and I knew they were pitying me, but it was my fault in the first place–”

“Mark–” 

“No, it’s true. And it’s cool, I don’t– I don’t blame you, or anything. I just… I dunno, I guess it got me wondering…”

The line goes silent on the other side, and you settle into your own bed, giving him time to continue. When he doesn’t say anything for a long time, you wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“You still there?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” he asks, tone of voice casual as ever, as if he’s forgotten about all the words he’s told you up until now–  as if it’s not 2 AM and both of your hearts aren’t breaking at the sound of each other’s voice on the other side of the line.

“It… it was okay, I guess,” you say nonetheless, too hopeless to find a way to end the conversation before he does. 

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing, “that’s… awesome. You still taking those yoga classes on Mondays?” he asks, and you snicker to yourself– because what kind of question even is that? Who asks that on a late night call, when there are more important things you two need to talk about?

“Yeah,” you lie, still. You haven’t been since the breakup.

“That’s great. Wouldn’t want you to… y’know,” he laughs to himself, “be too sad over this… ‘t was for the better, after all.”

You hear yourself hum– the noise way more stable than your actual words ever could be– and you find yourself feeling silly in the conversation, lying to your ex boyfriend through your teeth; because at the end of the day, you don’t want him to worry about you– because it seems to be the case that he is. And it’s stupid, because he hurt you and you shouldn’t care, maybe you should’ve even show him that you’re heartbroken and that he is the reason behind your pain and the way your life is falling apart, bit by bit, but you don’t find it in you to be so cold and heartless. At the end of the day, you still care about Mark and there’s nothing you could do about it. Turns out that breaking up with him doesn’t magically make the feelings go away– and you knew that, but now you have proof.

“What were you saying before, by the way? You… trailed off at the end,” you say, reminding him of his previous words.

“Oh, that,” he snickers into the microphone again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he twists and turns in the sheets, “don’t worry about it. It was selfish of me.”

It was selfish of him to call in the first place. But you won’t tell him that.

“What was it?”

“It’s just… I was wondering if I lost you forever, y’know… if there was a chance we could ever…” he trails off again, but this time, you don’t bug him to complete it. You’re not stupid– you know the implication of his words. You’ve known him for a long time, after all– maybe you should’ve predicted this when you picked up the call.

“I mean…” you hum, “you didn’t lose me completely, if that’s– if that’s what’s keeping you up at night. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” you say, and in the corner of your brain, you can’t even believe the words yourself– but if it was selfish of him to call, you think it’s okay for you to selfishly fill both of you with empty promises, just for the sake of not breaking your heart even further.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “that’s– …I’m glad.”

The line’s silent after that, and you wonder if you two have used up the list of words to say to each other this time, if there’s truly no other answer at the end of this conversation. When the situation gets too much for you to bear, the heaviness finally settling on your shoulders and your chest, you finally find the courage to sniffle out a quiet goodbye.

“Good night, Mark.”

“G’night,” he drags out, mind still cloudy. “Love you,” spills out from his tongue, like a bad habit.

He ends the call before you get to say it back. Maybe that’s for the better.

And the truth is, you should’ve really listened to Park Jihoon and blocked Mark’s number after this encounter. But you didn’t– you’re too weak for Mark’s sweet words, finding yourself still hanging on to his saccharine voice and the muffled ramble he has reserved for you only every time he gets high and loses all self-control before calling you on Friday nights selfishly demanding your attention, somehow falling for him like a teenager over and over again despite promising yourself you're gonna move on for real now.

Step four – date someone new.

“So…” Jihoon starts one day, eyes glued to your skull like laser beams, the tone of his voice so incomprehensible you think he’s going to scold you for the actions of your previous days– even though you haven't told him about the midnight calls with Mark and so if he's not going through your phone, he has no way of knowing. Tense and nervous, still, knowing that the impact of his words could either heal you or cut you open like a knife– damn him for always being so brutally honest, no matter how soft his heart is for you– you smile at him with tight lips, crossing your arms on your chest in defense.

“So…?” 

A nervous laugh almost escapes your throat. If Jihoon wasn’t suspicious of you before, he surely is now– or he just finds you strange by the way he furrows his brows at you and scans you up and down, taking a second for himself before he sighs and seemingly decides to drop the weird way you’re acting right now, shaking his head and focusing on the task at hand.

“I was thinking… my friend asked about you,” he says, nonchalantly looking down onto his hands and taking the dirt out from behind his nails, as if it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t even care that much. “Choi Hyunsuk from Biology, you know him– shabby haircut, kinda short, failed the class so he has to retake it this year…?”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that the two of us have completely different majors, Hoonie,” you sweetly smile at him with irony, making him roll his eyes with a sigh before he tries again.

“The guy who ripped his pants at Xiao Dejun’s party last year?”

“Oh, that one! You should’ve said that earlier, of course I remember Choi Hyunsuk from your Biology class,” you nod hurriedly, the gears finally clicking in your brain.

“As if I wasn’t talking about him for the last few minutes–”

“Okay, and what about him?” you cut him off, already tired of his annoying tangent.

“I said he asked about you.”

“I heard that already,” you nod, looking at him with expecting eyes. “And?”

Jihoon stares at you, unblinking, as if you fell on your head and he’s trying to comprehend if you’re still here with him or if you got a concussion and need to be transferred into a hospital. When the contact of his eyes on your skin gets a bit too uncomfortable– you swear his looks could actually kill someone, if he tried enough– you furrow your brows at him in confusion and shake your head in disbelief.

“Why are you staring at me like that, Park Jihoon?”

“Just tryna see if you’re really that stupid or if you’re just pretending,” he mutters under his nose before he sighs again– his favorite activity whenever you’re around, it seems– and speaks up again, tone of voice reminding you of a kindergartener teacher trying to explain why it gets dark in the evening to a bunch of 4 year olds. “You know, when people ask about you, they are usually interested in you, as in, my friend Hyunsuk didn’t ask because you’re nice, but because you’re hot, if you know what I'm getting onto.”

“Oh,” you get out, eyes wide in concern and a little shaken-up, “well, that’s… nice of him, I guess.”

Jihoon only hums at you before he looks around himself and brings out the bag of chips that he left open by his right side only a few seconds ago, not really speaking more about the topic. It’s either he’s waiting for you to get what he’s hinting at, or he’s just waiting for you to get even more confused and ask him about it in a few seconds again– either way, he’s not the one doing more talking right now, because conversations with you, the most oblivious person he’s ever seen, are never productive if he goes too fast.

Chewing on the chips, his eyes go wide when you finally open your mouth and talk more about the topic at hand– just like he predicted. “Why are you telling me this?”

Your best friend swallows before he places the bag of chips back to its original place and turns his whole body so he’s facing you, speaking up again. “I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you’d like to hang out with him. Like a date, before you ask– because I know you’re gonna ask– and why? – because, again, I know you’re gonna ask– because I simply think you should try to date again to get your mind off the loser you broke up with two months ago,” he says, blunt and honest, answering all of your unsaid questions at once, and before you know it, he has you snickering and shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not,” you retort, waving your hands in the air to only further show your disagreement with the proposition, “that would just be a massive catastrophe.”

“Why? Hyunsuk’s nice.”

“I didn’t say he isn’t, it’s just…”

“Just?” he probes you, eyebrows raised and questioning.

“I… don’t know,” you nervously chew on the inside of your cheek, aimlessly shrugging. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Jihoon.”

“Because of Mark?” he asks, and the moment his name escapes your best friend’s mouth, the whole room goes strangely quiet– you feel your heartbeat in your throat, the tips of your fingers start tingling and you swear that if you concentrate hard enough, you could feel a bead of sweat drip down your forehead with the incoming stress and nerves only the mention of your ex boyfriend brings you.

“No, that’s not it–”

“Sure,” he nods, sighing to himself– and there it is again, the judging look you so despise.

“You can’t just expect me to date other people a few weeks after my break up, Jihoon,” you exclaim, “that– that wouldn’t even be fair to your friend. You know I wouldn’t be invested,” you explain, and your friend rolls his eyes in frustration, sighing to himself.

“Oh but I know that! And Hyunsuk does too,” he shakes his head at you, “just thought the company of someone else could take your mind off things.”

“I have you,” you try.

“Yeah, but all we do when we’re together is mope about Mark Lee,” Jihoon snickers, “and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to bitch about your ex boyfriend and as your best friend, I don’t mind, but the fact that you’d be hanging out with someone else could take your mind off him, because you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about him with someone else, y’know?”

You shut your eyes closed, a heavy sigh heaving out of your body as you try hard to concentrate and not lose it, and with how Jihoon’s tone gets softer and he’s not as loud with his brutal, yet logical advice, he must feel you getting overwhelmed and accommodates to your needs. “Look, it’s gonna be fun. I promise. Hang out with someone new, feel wanted and hot and pretty again, get some male attention that’s not your ex boyfriend, and you’ll see how it makes you feel. If you hate it, you hate it and you can slap me, I don’t know... If you don’t, you can keep dating around with my friends, and I swear I’ll hook you up only with the nice ones,” he takes your hand into his and waves it around in comfort, making you open your eyes and look at him again.

Seeing the softness and encouragement in your best friend’s eyes, you sigh to yourself. All this time, he’s tried to help you– what if you finally follow his advice? Who knows, it might even help. 

Sighing, you squeeze his palm and hover over him to get the stranded bag of chips he’s guarding on the other side of the sofa. “Fine,” you mutter, “but let your friend know that he’s the one paying, okay?”

“Perfect. I'll text him your number, then.“

And maybe Jihoon was right and after dolling yourself up and dressing up in your favorite dress just so you would feel as comfortable as possible, you don’t feel as bad when his friend Hyunsuk picks you up in his white Volvo and chats with you on the way to the restaurant. He makes good small talk and even gets a giggle out of you, the music in his car is low and you find yourself slowly easing into the situation. You don’t remember when the last time you went out with a guy that wasn’t Mark was, but it’s surprisingly nice. 

And Jihoon was right– you feel pretty. And when Hyunsuk opens the door for you after pulling up to the parking lot of the restaurant, you even feel wanted. You like the attention, just like any other girl would, and the smile you offer to your date seeps of tender shyness as you get out of the comfortable seat of his car. 

The illusion, though, is soon broken as you notice the restaurant he pulled up to. Your smile freezes, your palms get sweaty and you feel your heartbeat rummaging against your ribcage as soon as the idle atmosphere of the restaurant opens up before you. And realistically, you could turn on your heel and get back to the car, tell Hyunsuk that you want to go to another restaurant– but you don’t do it, against your biggest wishes, because you worry that the boy already made a reservation and you don’t want to ruin an evening that’s going well so far.

“Everything alright?” your date checks up on you, seemingly noticing the frown on your face, and when his worried eyes meet yours, it’s sealed– you’d feel too bad for pulling out of the date now. So you only do what you always do best– you put on your best relaxed smile and nod, catching up to him and ensuring him that you’re all okay and you didn’t just talk yourself out of an anxiety attack. 

Because you owe it to him and to Jihoon– both of them worked so hard to make you feel happy and help you to get over your ex boyfriend. It’s not Hyunsuk’s fault that he just managed to pick the restaurant your said ex boyfriend works at part-time. He had no way of knowing, and if you’re lucky enough, Mark wouldn’t be on today. He only works here part-time, it’s not like he’s here every day, and as far as you’re concerned, he only worked like two or three days a week when you dated. It would be a weird coincidence for him to be working the day you go there with your new date– you hope you’re not that unlucky.

Hyunsuk is a gentleman. Opening up doors for you, pulling out the chair for you, letting you talk and not interrupting you. He watches you with fond eyes and you almost try to feel bad for the fact that even if this ended well, the poor boy would just end up being a rebound. He deserves so much more, and you start to worry if this date was a good idea after all. Wasn’t it selfish of you to agree to this? 

“What do you want to get?” he asks as you open up the menu, and you squint at the prices, mentally taking a note to order the cheapest thing just in case he wants to pay for you at the end of the evening. 

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” you blurt out, despite it not being your favorite meal. Hyunsuk just stares at you with squinted eyes, but doesn’t disagree with you. After all, he has no way of knowing that you dislike the taste of the sauce in most restaurants– even though your conscience tells you that Mark knew that and always made sure to remind you about it before ordering for you, worried that you won’t get to eat much that evening– the only thing left to hope is that it tastes good in this particular place. 

“Okay, sure,” he nods and puts the menu down, smiling at you before engaging in a comfortable conversation with you. It feels like you’ve known Hyunsuk forever– his personality oddly reminding you of Jihoon’s caused mainly by the fact that the two have grown up together. Everything flows soundly, but you still find yourself anxiously picking at your cuticles as you cautiously look around the restaurant, fearing the fact that you could catch a glimpse of your ex boyfriend at any second.

And maybe you should be a psychic, because those bad feelings were not there for nothing– when you see a waiter walking out of the back and eyeing your table, ready to get your order, the boy is a few inches taller than your current date, raven hair messy, but still a little styled, dark circles under the man’s eyes, and there he is– your ex boyfriend. Mark Lee halts in his movements, wearing his work uniform, eyes wide, a hint of something that breaks you at least in two mirroring in his orbs before he turns on his heel and disappears in the back again. When he doesn’t come back and his co-worker joins you and Hyunsuk at your table with a warm smile, you stop waiting to see the glimpse of him you selfishly desired to catch despite fearing the interaction the whole evening.

You want to fall through the floor and disappear in the depths of this earth. For some reason, you feel mortified. What would he think? And why do you even care about his feelings? A million different thoughts run through your brain and you worry that you’re being too distant from your current date, but Hyunsuk’s warm eyes reassure you that he doesn’t mind. 

Piercing the food on your table with your eyes, you try to battle the noisy words running around your brain. 

It’s easy to say you’re over someone when you don’t see them. To have them in front of you, meet their gaze and acknowledge their existence and still be able to nod and say that you’ve moved on, is something completely different. 

Were you ever convinced that you were over Mark Lee in the first place, though?

After all of this– the months of following Jihoon’s advice, although making a few mishaps along the way as you continue to pick up Mark’s calls on Friday nights, snoop around his socials and let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, overthinking everything and making you wish the relationship never ended in the first place– it’s time for the last step of it all. The last, most crucial part of this whole moving on process– the most important one, if you may.

Step five – avoid him at all costs.

Sounds easy, right? After the four previous steps, you’d already cried plenty about the lost months with your ex-boyfriend. You’d already given him back all of his stuff, not tying yourself to him with any material memory. You’d already gone on a date with someone new, choosing to distract yourself instead of letting yourself feel the emotions. After all the previous steps, this one’s supposed to be the easiest one. The one you’re supposed to want to do, after all. The break-up wasn’t messy, but it was still painful– it’s only natural for you to not want to see Mark ever again, right?

Wrong.

Because you never listen to the advice you’re given. That just wouldn’t be you, would it?

And so when Mark Lee calls you one day and tells you that he has a free train ticket to the Bukhansan stop, explaining that he was supposed to go hike there with Donghyuck who canceled on him last minute because of an assignment due midnight, you don’t really hesitate much before you shoot him a short text saying that you’re down and get ready for the short hike. 

When you meet your ex boyfriend at the station, his figure slightly slouched up until the moment his eyes meet yours, you feel the quiet tension in the air. You’ve seen each other a few times before this meeting– on a party you went to with Jihoon, at the campus when you went to class one morning, your ex boyfriend walking you towards the Art building, hell, you’ve even met in the grocery store, all accidental and making your heart leap in your chest with tension. This time, though, you’re here completely intentionally, just to hang out with him, and something about the fact makes a dull pain shoot all through your intestines, a sensation so uncomfortable you try to hide with a tight-lipped smile. 

“Ready for the hike?” he asks, adjusting the bag on his back, playing with the straps with clammy fingers. You can’t help but notice how he looks just like a little boy, in his little world, shielded from everything. He seems to have taken a protective stance, and you hate how the air between you shifted from how you two used to be when you were dating. Mark seems scared. Nervous. On top of his feet. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.

You’re already here, though. Turning around and leaving wouldn’t really work right now, as you take a step towards the train that’s just arrived, humming to your ex boyfriend in agreement. Taking a seat on the place Mark’s pointed to you on the train ticket, you try to loosen up your muscles and get as comfortable as you can, clearing your mind as you gaze outside of the window.

“How have you been?” he asks, clearing his throat.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you turn to him as you search for an answer. “Better,” you nod, voice quiet. “You?”

Mark hums, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good, good,” he lies through his teeth, “I’ve seen you at the restaurant the other day,” he hints, and you battle the sigh that’s begging to cut out of your throat. You don’t know where he’s going with the sentence. It’s not a question– only a proposition, barely even that– and you could ignore it with a nod of your head, you could pay it no mind as you see the bitterness in his gaze and the slightly self-conscious averting of his stare. You don’t know where he’s going with the conversation, but frankly, you don’t know where you are going with your answer either, as you shrug to him in a casual manner and peep under your breath.

“Yeah,” you say, “that was just… Jihoon’s friend from uni, I suppose,” you complete, and the sentence hints at nothing– it doesn’t clear out the confusion, it doesn’t outright say anything that could make Mark believe that it was just a casual hang-out with a friend, but still, you see the boy visibly relax as he nods to you and offers you a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh,” he hums, looking out of the window, past the profile of your face. The change in topic is sudden and sharp, but also welcome as he falls into a casual conversation with you, and suddenly, you’re reminded by the Mark you once knew– the guy you’ve once called not socially awkward, but so social that it’s awkward– as he talks to you about his day and rambles on about the weather. “It’s good that it won’t rain today, I bet the view will be nice.”

Locking your gaze with him for a brief second, you lick your lips and point your eyes towards the ground. It’s good that it won’t rain today, as opposed to last time you two went to the Bukhansan trail. You wonder if he remembers.

Before you have a chance to mention it– and in all reality, you won’t, no matter how bold you could be feeling at the moment– the train comes to a stop at your station and you hop out of the carriage, ready for the hike.

It’s easy to forget how messed up things have gotten between the two of you when you walk alongside with your ex boyfriend, laughing at his silly jokes and gasping at everything he shows to you with a pointed finger, finding yourself admiring the sound of his giggle when he spots a squirrel pass your path somewhere near the top of the hill. The trail is almost empty at this hour, since the two of you have decided to go in the late afternoon, and you find your soul to finally be at peace after so many weeks, you finally feel relaxed in the nature, one with the wind and the gentle sound of birds chirping lullying your running thoughts to a rest. 

You realize that this is just what you needed all this time. You needed to get out and walk for some while, to tune out yourself and to accept the fact that you’re still here, for another day, and something about that is still a blessing. Watching the back of Mark’s head as he walks a step in front of you due to the narrowness of the trail in this area, you smile to yourself. It’s easy to forget just how much you were hurt by him when he heals your soul with such a simple gesture. It’s easy to forget you were hurt when he seemingly tries to put all the broken pieces back together, glue them to where they were in the first place, when things were easier and you both didn’t have so many things to worry about. 

You reach the top just as the sun starts setting over the horizon, and there are only a few people scattered across the peak, sitting on their own picnic blankets and gazing into the distance. The hues of the sky paint the world in a different color, the oranges, pinks and muted purples playing with your heartstrings as you come to a halt and crouch down and feel the presence of another soul mirror your actions only a meter away to your right, his gaze glued to your side. The view is beautiful, but the feeling of being watched isn’t ignorable anymore, and so you turn to your companion and raise your eyebrows at him, wondering if he has something to say.

You don’t know how you’ll be able to come back to your life after this and pretend you still don’t want to spend every passing second with the man on your right. You don’t know how you’re supposed to ignore the ever so growing love for him– even though after being so disappointed with the past, the feelings should be decreasing, not doing the opposite– and frankly, you don’t even want to think of going back to the way it’s been for the past few months. And so you don’t– you allow yourself to indulge the moment, to ignore the pain that’s about to come, just so you could hold another beautiful memory to your heart and enjoy the moment before it hurts you to think of it tomorrow morning. 

“It’s even more beautiful than the last time,” Mark hums, but his eyes never leave your figure– if you were still dating, you bet he’d come out with a cheesy line about how you’re prettier than the view, or something. “It didn’t rain this time around, thank god.”

Gazing at him, you shake your head in disbelief. Scoffing, you play with the grass between your fingers. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I remember a lot of things.”

The sentence makes you bitterly chuckle. He knows why you’re reacting the way you are– and you have every right to. He claims to remember a lot of things, but the ones important to you, the ones you wanted him to remember, he failed to save into his memory. And that’s eventually what made you break up with him, at the end of it all.

At your reaction, he sighs and drags a hand across his face, seemingly realizing the weight of his own words and just how ridiculous he must have sounded to you right now. 

“I- That-” he stutters, shaking his head, “that sounded stupid right now, considering… everything… Didn’t it?”

“Kind of,” you nod, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, voice suddenly raw and serious, so different to the tone he’s been using with you the whole afternoon, “I don’t- I can’t remember if I said that back then, when you- when you… broke up with me, but I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn’t deserve that, and I am in no way shape or form trying to make this about me, but I hate myself every day for the way things turned out and if I could go back to that day, I’d do so many things differently.”

The sky in front of you deepens in reds and you taste iron on your tongue, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that you’ve managed to bite on your lip too hard in the midst of the conversation. Tearing out stems of grass with your clammy fingertips, you focus on the clouds running through the sky, calculating your next response.

“Okay,” you nod, not giving him much else. The answer perfectly encapsulates the way you feel on the inside right now– you don’t know if you’re ready to accept his apology, if you’re ready to let go of it and act like you weren’t hurt or that none of it ever happened, but you listened to him and you internalized his words. He is sorry. He knows he was in the wrong. And you were aware that he knew all of this before– hell, you’d even go as far as say he knew it the moment you knocked on his door that day and told him it was over– but hearing it from him surely moved something inside of you to a more comfortable place.

“I-” he starts, voice breaking making him clear his throat before he continues, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. And I know I shouldn’t have expected you to still be my friend after all of this, and that- I shouldn’t have even called you so many times and approached you at the store and stuff, but um-” he mumbles, shrugging to himself, “I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you. And again, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to do anything, really. So… yeah…”

Snickering at his aimless monologue, you shake your head in disbelief. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he stares at you, eyes a bottomless pool of emotion.

“Why did you invite me here today? What was the… point, I guess?” you ask, hugging your knees to your chest as the breeze makes goosebumps appear all over your body. 

Mark offers you a sad smile, head leaned to his right as he shrugs, and this time, his eyes don’t leave yours as he spills the truth into the air. “I guess I was just feeling selfish today,” he hums, and the sentence makes you cringe with the memory of his first call to you after your break up, “wanted to spend time with you.”

“Here, of all places?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “told you. I was feeling selfish.”

Snickering, you look away, staring at the sky again. The colors are starting to blend together into a deep, dark purple– the horizon darkening as the sun starts to say its final goodbyes to the day. You sigh to yourself, yet feel no bitterness or terror at his words. Somehow, you understand. Somehow, you get him a little too well. Somehow, you think you knew the moment he texted you today, and somehow, you think you felt it in your bones when you didn’t say no, although you could have. There’s calmness in your soul when you nod at the implication of his words, leaning back on your elbows and plopping your bottom to the ground, sitting at the dusty surface. 

“You said you didn’t expect anything out of me today, Mark.”

“And I don’t,” he says, voice soft. 

“And you brought me here to remind me of the last time we went?” you stare at him, a hint of a bitten-back smile playing with your lips. “Because you’re selfish?” 

He nods, not escaping your gaze. “To remind you of the last time we went. To show you that… I remember, I guess. And that I still care, just like the last time. If not more.”

“Mark, you can’t just say all of this and expect nothing out of me right now,” you mutter.

“Actually, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. I’m just… laying it out in the open, and what you do with the information is completely, completely up to you,” he explains, and you find yourself chuckling at him, the atmosphere instantly lighter as you hear his voice in its usual casualness, talking to you as if he was just unpacking what went on in class today, and not the starting and the end of your one year relationship.

And he’s right. What you do with the information is completely up to you, and the next steps and the progress of your relationship with Mark Lee is also completely in your hands. You could turn away and never talk to him again, you could curse at him and tell him that it’s too late now and he missed his chance, but if that was the case, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t be inviting you to this place, lying about his roommate canceling just to trick you into going, and you wouldn’t be blindly accepting the invitation, wanting to see where the afternoon brings you. 

“So you still care about me?” you hum, looking at him from under your eyelashes, noticing his slouched-over pose as he looks back at you over his shoulder.

“Always have,” he admits, “never stopped. Despite not really… acting like it in the past few months.”

“Why’d you stop acting like it, then?” you ask.

A sigh escapes his lips, his head turning forward before he leans back and sits cross-legged on the ground, more comfortably now. Shrugging, he answers the question. “I guess I just got too caught up with different things. And don’t get me wrong, you were always my priority, always, but I was all over the place with everything and my mind just couldn’t… there were too many things to keep up with and I couldn’t stay up to date with everything,” he says, “and I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s an explanation, and it doesn’t make it better or undo the pain I’ve caused you, but it’s… at least you know it was never because I’d care about you any less.”

His eyes bear into yours with such honesty you think the weight of the world will crash on you any minute, and suddenly, the whole situation seems so much clearer.

And you wouldn’t take it back, you wouldn’t undo the breakup or do anything differently, because at the end of the day, you think it was needed. Perhaps the time apart was what he needed as a wake up call and what you needed to shield yourself from hurting more. 

“Stop me from saying it if you… if you don’t want to hear it right now,” he hums, voice barely louder than a whisper. There seems to be a silent communication between the two of you, a connection of some sort that brings out the strange telepathy, but you just nod at him, a gentle smile playing with your lips as you understand exactly what he means, telling him that it’s okay and that you don’t mind– you welcome, you need to hear him say it again.

Licking his lips, he turns to you fully, facing you. There’s not a hint of nervousness in his body, having done this a lot of times before, and then it happens– the repeated confession, confirming what was there the whole time, never leaving even when the times were rough. 

“I love you,” he says.

And isn’t that all that’s needed? 

A year is a long time with someone. Somehow, you wouldn’t want the time to go to waste. At the end of the day, if love is still present, isn’t it worth trying? One more time?

“And you still don’t expect anything from me?” you ask, gazing at him softly. “You don’t expect me to say it back?”

“No,” he breathes out, shrugging. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”

“Because you’re selfish like that,” you nod, teasing him. 

“Because I’m selfish like that,” he agrees, breaking out into a slight grin.

Looking at the sky, now completely dipped in dark purple, you sigh to yourself at the turmoil of the conversation. You don’t say it back– although you feel it, you know it’s in there, playing with your heartstrings and clenching the muscle in the palm of its hand– you know love is there, deep inside, for the man that’s currently staring at you as if you hung the very stars appearing on the sky there yourself, stolen them from your own eyes and gluing them there selflessly, for everyone to see. You don’t tell him you love him back, you don’t tell him you forgive him or accept his apology. You don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring you, what your brain is going to tell you when you come down from the hill and get home, lay in your bed and overthink. You let the worries escape you, letting fondness and calm envelope you in a tight hug instead.

“Okay,” you nod, watching the boy next to you look at you with curious eyes. You take his hand into yours and place it on your thigh, playing with his fingers for a heartbeat before you meet his eyes again and smile. “I won’t say it back, but for all it’s worth, Mark… I’m glad you remembered.”

And that’s all he needs– there is love, there is fondness, and there is the silent confirmation that all you need right now is just a bit more time. 

Where do broken hearts go?

Somehow, you think they hold on to the place where it all started. Somehow, you think your heart never went anywhere– it stayed on this hill, waiting for you to pay it a visit and pick back up everything right from where you left it.

“It doesn’t seem like a good idea to go here today, Y/N,” Mark laughed behind you as he looked up to the sky, the dark clouds shielding the sun that had been previously shining down on your hiking figures, casting an orange glow on the strands of your hair. 

“Well, there’s no turning back now,” you shrugged, turning to him and grinning as you tugged on his hand, grip strong as you dragged the boy up the trail, your sneakers fast against the dirty ground. “We have finals starting next week and it’s gonna be too cold to go after the exam season is over, so we gotta go now.”

“I kind of regret telling you that I’ve never been here before now,” Mark sighed, but followed you nonetheless, breathlessly following your excited stride. It was October, the leaves on the trees were welcoming the two of you in shining colors, and the wind kissing your skin turned a bit chilly in the evenings– courtesy of the warm hoodie Mark shyly lended you when you shivered for the first time, adoring the way you, his friend, looked in the light gray fabric. Something about you wearing his clothes made the boy a bit hopeless about the day. Maybe he’ll have enough courage to confess his feelings to you, he thought. Maybe, despite the first raindrops falling on the skin of his bare arms, this evening will have a happy ending for you and him. 

“Oh, please,” you squinted at him, continuing to run up the hill– thank god it wasn’t that steep, serving both of you as the perfect hiking difficulty, “even if you wouldn’t have, I’d drag you here anyway. It’s like, my favorite place to go in Seoul, haven’t I told you before?”

You have, Mark thought. But he was okay with hearing it again. 

You squealed when the raindrops got heavier and the rain started pouring faster on the two of you, and Mark found himself laughing at your running figure. He was right behind you, praying that you don’t slip on one of the rocks and break your leg on the hiking trail, but he encouraged you with sweet comments and a hand on the small of your back as he watched the tip of the hill appear right in front of his very eyes, your body coming to a satisfied halt when you reached your destination.

“Tada!” you grinned at him, twirling a little like a ballerina, showing him the place with outstretched arms. He tried hard to observe the place, but his eyes stayed glued to your excited figure, gaze bearing into yours as you looked at him, amidst a little flustered, with sparkly orbs and a bright smile on your face. Your hair was a mess, his gray hoodie enveloping your body was slowly growing darker in color from absorbing the rain, and your sneakers were getting a bit muddy from walking around the place. He wanted to remember this moment forever, he thought– this version of you, the smiley expression on your face, the carefree and excited nature of your step. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you exclaimed, jumping around and nearing the boy, but as you went to take his hand to drag him around the top of the hill once more, your feet slipped and you fell forward, a surprised squeak battling its way out of your throat.

Your whole life flashed in front of your very eyes in that moment, embarrassment spreading down your neck at the fact that you were about to fall face first onto the ground in front of your crush of a few months, before your body collided with a soft, yet firm mass engulfing you closer. A pair of strong arms steadied you against his chest, and when you looked up at your friend, you swear all words were taken out of your dictionary, the sight leaving you speechless.

“It is,” he gaped, eyes bearing into yours. Mark was agreeing with you, but something in the back of your head was telling you that he didn’t really admire this place as much as you did– his curious gaze was always plastered somewhere completely else. 

That place being your face, of course. And your eyes, your cheeks, the mess of your bangs, and occasionally– screw that, almost always– your lips. Much like in that moment, a few centimeters away from his face, so inviting he thought it would be a crime to contain the urge. 

And so he didn’t– he didn’t control his feelings and the ever-so growing yearning for you, as he silently leaned towards your face and captured his lips with yours in a firm, yet short kiss.

He looked at you with a nervous tint behind his gaze when he leaned away, the sight of your wide eyes staring at him making a slight flush grow on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful in that moment– flustered, surprised, with messy hair and lips still apart– and he was relieved to not find a hint of a displeased emotion in your expression. 

“Okay, so- well-” you stuttered, laughing to yourself, “this didn’t go as I planned, but I guess I’m happy as long as the final result is the same,” you hummed, standing on your tippy-toes and pressing your lips against him once more, this time letting yourself enjoy the moment fully, mouth moving against his in a careful, yet excited rhythm. He tasted like the strawberry candy you offered him on the bottom of the trail and smelled a bit like rain, the mixture always staying in the depths of your mind as his warmth enveloped you in comfort and a feeling of home.

“The final result being…?” he asked when you pulled apart once again, a dazed expression overtaking his sharp features.

“Us,” you shrugged, “like this,” you clarified.

Mark laughed at that, hugging you closer to his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of raindrops washing away the top layer of dirt off the rocks on the tip of the hill, hands sneaking around his waist and enjoying the way they wrapped around him so tightly and so comfortably. You in his hoodie, in your favorite place, standing in his arms. It was raining, but it didn’t matter.

“Mark?” 

“Hm?” 

“If we ever get lost, or something happens… bring me back here, okay?” you mumbled close to his ear, lips gently glazing the skin of his ear, making goosebumps appear all over your new lover. “I’m convinced that this place could fix everything.”

“Even us?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not allowed to ever leave me now, what would there be to fix between us?” you smacked his shoulder, snickering to yourself.

“You never know,” he laughed, “what if I accidentally mess up somewhere along the way?” he asked, threading his fingers through your hair, smoothing down the wet mess.

“Okay then,” you hummed, “even us.”

Staring into your eyes, letting the moment play out by itself, Mark swore he’s never felt more at peace. He wondered if it was the effect of the place, the rain, or just your sheer presence.  “I’ll remember that,” he giggled before he let go of your body, petting your head as he took a hold of your hand, tugging you down from where you came from, “now let’s go home before we catch a cold.”

Nodding, following the man as you both carefully, yet fastly made it down the trail, you enjoyed the way his hand fit into yours and the way you knew that after this, you can’t ever come back to being friends with Mark Lee. He was all yours, completely, utterly yours, and you knew in the back of your head, that you were his– and nothing will ever change that.

You would always come back to the hill with him. It felt ridiculous to think about you two ever having to fix anything between the two of you back then, but even in that moment, you knew that for him, you’d keep trying. As long as he does– as long as he remembers.

Where do broken hearts go? You guess they always come right back to the place they come from– and they leave glued back together every single time.

You guess your heart never really left the hill.

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

okok you can make this super fluffy or u can add smut if you’d like, i don’t have a preference. i also can literally see this in my head so i’m sorry if there’s too much lolol. but basically reader + the triplets have been best friends since they were like 6, but reader and nick are closest. she’s had a crush on matt for ages and basically matt finally realizes what he feels (even though anyone w two eyes could see) and kisses her, but they get caught by nick and matt kinda runs out, later being scolded by nick saying smtg like “why are you doing this? she doesn’t need you breaking her heart over and over again anymore.” after that he confesses and at first she thinks he’s fucking w her before realizing he’s being genuine

sandbox

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary - this rec ^^

warnings - kissing, fluff, swearing, use of y/n (i think thats all)

word count - 2400??

NOT PROOFREAD

-

me and the triplets have been best friends for as long as i remember. i honestly think i gained consciousness when i was with them. we have spent countless summers together just playing around outside. showing off our new toys, board games and just growing up together.

we were all inseparable from the moment i met them and have pretty much experienced everything with them. i was always super close with chris and he was even my first kiss at the ripe age of 8. nick and i met first during baseball practice and i was the only girl on the team. nick is my best friend in the whole world and that never changed as we grew up. matt and i are very different people. we always got along and played together as kids but as i grew up i developed feelings for him. i had an eye for him ever since we were 13 when he ditched his date and took me to 8th grade formal because no one else would. he was always my knight in shining armor.

i always thought he was attractive but as time went on i grew to love everything about him. i confided in nick about my feelings when i was 15 and have continued to express my feelings for matt to him. nick promised me that this would be the only secret he would ever keep from his brother and he has kept it for 2 years now.

which brings us to present day.

-

matt was driving me home from school since nick and chris were hanging out with their friends after school.

“did you see that amount of homework our history teacher gave us, i was ready to walk out the second she gave me that booklet.” i say. “oh i fucking know she can be ridiculous.” matt replies. he was driving with one hand on the wheel and the other tapping his fingers on the centre console to the music we were listening to. “matt.” i ask looking at the size of my booklet, “hmm?” he says watching the road. “do you think we can work on these together i really dont think i can get this done on my own.” i mumble, he chuckles looking over at me “i was just about to ask you the same thing.” he smiles.

“ok ill drive over later i need to do some things at home before i start homework.” i breathe. “sounds good.” he says.

once matt dropped me home i immediately began getting ready. although i would never admit it, i always tried my best to look my best when i was around matt. even though we have known each other for years i never wanted him to think i was unattractive.

growing up and watching the girls matt would take on dates and have all of those ‘firsts’ with always crushed me. he never knew it but he broke my heart countless times. the worst time was when we were 15 and he came to me nick and chris after hanging out with his first girlfriend and told us he lost his virginity. that was the night i confessed to nick my feelings for his brother. i spent the rest of that weekend crying in my room about matt when he did nothing to hurt me, i was just in my own head about loving him since i was 13. its safe to say nothing has changed since then and i have continued to be in love with him and i am now currently 17.

- later that night - 6:15 pm

i arrived to their house and walked in after being greeted by their mom and a hug from her. their mom treated me like my own as i was at their house more than i was at my own. she told me that there was dinner left over since chris and nick werent home if i wanted some.

of course all i wanted to do was just hangout with matt.

i made my way up the stairs to matts room to find him playing a game on his computer with headphones on. i walked over to him and tapped his shoulder. “oh y/n you scared the shit out of me.” he breathes clearly startled. i laugh and walk over to his bed and plop down on it. “i actually think i would rather step on nails for a day than do this history bullshit.” i sigh.

matt chuckles while shutting off his computer and grabbing his history booklet and sitting down on his bed. we both got right to work going from looking in our textbooks, to writing down answers, copying the answers from each other and wording them differently. we continued that same process for about an hour before my hand felt like it was going to fall off.

“oh my god matt i cannot do this anymore we need to take a break.” i sigh laying down on my back. “me too i think my head will explode if i keep going.” he agrees. i close my eyes and get comfortable in his bed while he grabs his phone and starts scrolling on it eventually turning it to my face “what do you think of her.” he asks showing me a girl that is in our history class. i just raise my shoulders in response. “words would be more helpful you know.” he chuckles. “i dont know shes the same as the past 3 girls you have been with.” i blankly reply. he hums in response and goes back to scrolling. “so helpful.” he says jokingly rolling his eyes.

“you never really like any of the girls i talk to huh?” he blurts. i freeze not knowing how to respond, i dont know matt maybe because ive been in love with you for years but your too stubborn to fucking notice it? i obviously wanted to scream I LOVE YOU AND I HAVE SINCE I WAS 13, at him but i didnt. my face goes blank and i just turn away from him and go back to resting my eyes even tho i know it wont last long. while me and matt had a great relationship as friends i always shut down when it came to moments like these. matt knows when something is wrong, all the fucking time. its frustrating in moments like these when i am literally mad at him for showing me a girl hes interested in but of course i cant tell him that.

“ok snap out of it what is your problem now?” he snaps. “matt i dont have a problem.” i state lying through my teeth. “anyone from a mile away can read that you are upset right now so just tell me what the issue is so i can fix it.” he pleads. “matt can you drop it.” i huff twars brimming my eyes, “no.” he pauses “why do you keep doing this, you always shut me out when theres a problem. i know that your upset and you know that i know your upset, just tell me whats wrong.” he explains.

“matt i cant.” i say as tears spill out. he lifts his hand to turn me over to see that im crying, his face saddens. i instinctually cover my eyes and sit up.

“theres clearly something wrong, what happened why cant you open up to me anymore.” he says. i sniffle and get up to use the bathroom. i couldnt stand to even look him in the eye. not knowing the strong feelings i have for him.

j went into the bathroom and broke down. i never broke like that in front of him before. every time this has happened i usually just go home and deal with it or complain to nick. this time i was looking him right in the eye and he saw what he made me feel. matts not and idiot he definitely knows why that upset me. if he didnt have a hunch that i was in love with him before he absolutely knows now. everything ive held in for the past 4 years has spilled out and i dont know how to handle what will happen when i walk back in to that room.

knock knock

“y/n can you open the door.” he says in a quiet tone. i put my hand on the handle and press my other hand to the door. “deep breaths” i keep repeating to myself. i crack the door open and matt sees me mascara on my face. puffy eyes and a sniffily mess. he grabs my face and either side and wipes away my tears. i just watch him as he does this. he moves forward to get closer and slowly connects our lips. i immediately melt into his touch and start kissing him back, wrapping my hands around his on my face.

we continue kissing as i wrapped my arms around his neck to bring him closer as he smiles into the kiss. i heavily breathe in as he slips his tongue into my mouth. my heart beats faster at the new feeling. i always imagined kissing matt but this is better than what i ever could have imagined. he moves one hand from my face and places it on my hip.

“what. the. fuck.” i hear nick say from behind.

we both stop and turn around and nick and chris standing behind us.

“nick please dont be mad.” i plead. “i will talk to you in a minute y/n” he says point at me “matt go to your room with me.” nick says sticking his hand in the direction of matts room.

matts pov

my heart was beating so fast as nick followed me into my room. kissing his best friend what was i thinking. she was my best friend too but their relationship was always closer but its still no excuse.

“what the fuck are you doing kissing y/n?” he yells, i open my mouth to speak but he interrupts me. “do you know how much you have fucked with her already.” he exclaims.

now im confused.

“you have been messing with y/n’s head for years now and you have spent the past four years breaking her heart over and over, she doesnt need you doing it again.”

i pause i thinking about his words rubbing my hands over my face.

“she has spent everyday loving you since we were 13 and has watched you countless times talk to girls and being girls around and she has always kept it in as to how she feels. unless you truly have feelings for her that to you was nothing. but matt, what just happened right there.” nick says shaking his head, “just might hurt her more than anything you could ever have done to her.” nick breathes before walking out of my room.

y/n’s pov

i walked into chris’ room after what happened and just cried as he watched me spiral. he surprisingly had nothing to say and the silence of the situation made it even worse. i was freaking the fuck out. i never anticipated kissing matt and especially not his brother, my best friend catching us.

nick walks in to chris’ room “y/n are you ok?” he asks. i look at him and just break down. he walks over and sits down on the bed with me and chris. chris friendly pats me on the shoulder and i smile at him “thanks chris.” i say and he gives me a warm smile.

we hear a knock on the door and see matt open it. “y/n please can i talk to you.” he says and nick looks at me with worry written all over his face. “its ok.” i whisper as i get up and nod at matt.

we close the door behind us and he begins. “nick just told me ive been breaking your heart since we were 13.” he breathes, “why didnt you say anything before.”

“matt i couldnt.” i say tears threatening to come out of my eyes again. matt looks at me with concern. “dont, dont look at me like that. you never felt anything for me now dont start now because you feel bad for me.” i say now feeling angry at him. “y/n but thats the thing, i always felt something for you. anyone with eyes can see that. you know that i never let any girl come into my presence without asking your approval, your the most important girl to me in the world nothing can ever change that.” he says looking at the ground. “bullshit.” i huff. “i dont believe you, if you really ever had feelings for me you would have seen that i loved you for 4 years.” i say tears pooling out of my eyes but i dont care, “4 years matt. ive been seeing you with girls for years envious of their life and then you pass them on like their nothing.” i say putting a finger to his chest. “4 years i had to keep this to myself to prevent it from ruining years of friend ship, not just between us but between your family.” i say pushing my finger on his chest harder and he steps back. “4 years that i had to get my heart broken by someone who didnt give a shit about me.” i say walking towards him now pushing him harder, crying even harder now.

he wraps his arms around me and i fight out of his grip. he doesnt let go as i stuggled but eventually i grow tired and just clutch on to him like if i let go i would fall. “im sorry.” he says petting my hair and i cry into his chest. “you know that i would never hurt you, you are the one person besides my brother that i care about the most.” he says resting his chin on my head. “i love you.” he says. i look up at him from his grip. i moved up to his face finding his lips and connecting them once more. this kiss more sweet than the last.

“ive waited to hear that since i was 13.”

-

thank you for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims @accio326 @bitchydragonparadise @matthewsturnioloswifey @iloveneilperry

a/n: i hope you guys enjoyed this and to the person who requested it i hope this lived up to your standards 🤍🤍🤍

[littlestardude]

⏤͟͟͞͞☆Dating Kenny HCS|| Reader x Kenny McCormick

✰ - SFW & NSFW - ✰

Plot: Just sum HCS!

Note: I love Kenny McCormick so fucking much he's so pookie smookie, also first post yippee!

TW: Drugs, death bcs of drugs (its Kenny he comes back-), incest ment (concerning rats), smut HCS at the end

Gender: AFAB Gen neutral

✰ - SFW - ✰

FLIRTS NONSTOP. all day every day, he just doesn't fucking stop. But the moment you flirt back.

Bro is dead, 6 feet under, giggling and kicking his feet

Has trouble falling asleep and sometimes you'll wake up and he'll be just staring at you

"Kenny what the fuck are you doing... "

"You're so pretty... Can I not stare at my partner in the middle of the night!? :(("

Demands you cuddle him to sleep

Did I mention touchy?

Yea

Super fucking touchy

Literally has to be touching you all the time as if you we're his phone in his pocket or he'll freak out

Actually learned the value of life once you stepped in. He's died only once.

Why you ask? In his words

"I can NOT just say no to free drugs"

Drugs in question were something called... Crazy 8...basically 8 fucking drugs mixed together.

Yea he wasn't gonna survive.

Now you have to keep an eye on him, and tell him to just stick with weed

Oh yeah weed

Bro is toasted most of the time.

AND reeks of weed 24/7

Anytime you smell weed the first thought that pops into your head is, "where's Kenny? "

Basically weed is a comforting smell to you now 💀

Asked you to get high with him

You were reluctant at first but then you tried it... Let's just say it's a common occurrence now

You think he's flirty when he's sober? When he's high omfg.

Compliments like crazy, and can actually take compliments back when he's high

You adore high Kenny because he literally turns into the silliest mf alive

Super duper touchy when you're both high, like on top of each other the whole time

Piercings out the wazoo

Tattoos to come...

You let him shower at your place so he actually became CLEAN once you started dating.

Like his hair is actually touchable now, and not greasy

He's still a rat boy tho, and does dirty rat boy things

Actually HAS rats

You came over one time and he introduced you to his ratty children

"This is Frankie, and Frankie Jr, and Frankie Jr Jr, and that's Maggy, and Rosie and- FRANKLIN JR GET OFF YOUR SISTER RIGHT NOW! >:("

"Um, Ken... I don't know how to tell you this but rats dont care about incest..."

Almost cried, "it's like medieval Spain all over again... "

You pat his back, "it never gets easier... " you sighed dramatically

Loves animals, you guys wanna get a dog and cat together!

He loves you and adores you so much

He thinks you're the best person to ever come out of this cruel world, and he tells you that all the time

You also love him. So much. You think he's the prettiest, sweetest boy

You tell him that most of the time when you think he's asleep, he usually isn't because he loves hearing it

Back to the weed thing, LOVES when u guys order McDonald's when ur both high and have the munchies

Bro can throw down 2 big macs, 1 double quarter pounder, 20 piece chicken nuggets, and 2 orders of large fries and still be like

"I need something sweet... " 💀

Anytime you're out with your friends, Kenny's usually wearing his parka and you're the only one who can understand Kennish

Also holding hands the whole time

It took you awhile to get used to the fact you had a super clingy partner but you got used to it

You guys were able to get a place together eventually after high school

It's super shitty but it's home <3

You'll eventually upgrade after grueling work and endless shifts

But you definitely make time for each other

✰ - NSFW - ✰

(The fun begins *rubs hands evily together*)

SWITCH KENNY SUPREMACY!!! Literally does not mind either, as long as he's with you and he's naked? And you're naked? Bros chilling

Fucking loves oral, receiving and giving

First time he ate you out, you were on cloud mf 9, seeing stars n shit

He LOVES your thighs, like before he eats you out he just likes kissing and squeezing your thighs

HOWEVER. The first time you sucked him off. Omg, HIS thighs were MESMERIZING.

Something about boys thighs... Just seeing them pushed together, your fucking weakness.

His thighs are pale and ever so slightly plushy... Help me

KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH HIS MF HANDS‼️

He grabs you and stimulates you in the best fucking spots

LOVES COCKWARMING. NEED I SAY LESS.

You guys will just be chilling watching a movie, and he'll just go like

"Babeeeee... " that's literally all he needs to say bcs you know what he wants.

After some time of just being on his dick it kinda hits you, "I'm on his cock, I could literally do what ever I want... " you think, evily

You'll shift your body around to where you're looking at him and he already knows what's coming, his hands are IMMEDIATELY on your hips

And you start slowly bouncing up and down

Doesn't take him long to start making noises

He's very vocal during sex, he sees no point in staying silent

Plus the first time he moaned super loud during sex you literally came on the spot.

Now he can't help but moan and whimper when you're on top of him because he knows you love it

AFTERCARE KINGG

Usually urges you two to take a shower after sex

Sometimes ends up into shower sex if the both of you still have the energy

You bought a shower stool so you both could fuck in the shower because one time he almost slipped and will NEVER live it down

"IT WAS SUPER SLIPPERY OKAY"

"You stepped on the soap babe... You almost went flying"

Yea a shower stool and those mats for the shower floor

[lokideservesahug]

Perfect pair

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-Pairings: Lewis Hamilton x famous!actress!Reader

Warnings: Maybe a swear word or two, idk. There is loads of mentions of dogs so Im sorry if you're allergic :(.

Notes: I saw a tik tok (by the user ayloparis) about celebrities seen on raya, the celeb dating app. And Lewis was just there (middle photo above)!?!? And it stuck in my mind (also Ben Hardy was there aswell, how random).

Summary: When you moved to Monaco, the last thing you expected was your greatest fan and a fan of a race car driver to almost force you to go on a date with said F1 driver. But when you find that same man on a dating app, it doesn't hurt that talk to him; especially because he's so gorgeous.

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Yourusername

Yourusername: Great awards weekend with an even better ending of going home to my best friend🤍

Liked by hamm4rtim4, thelomlyn and 3,987,091 others

View all comments

User1: Girls be saying the most heartfelt, sweetest things ever about someone and that someone ends up being their dog...

↳Yourusername: 😮It's me! I'm girls!

↳User2: Dont blame you tbh. I also love your dog Y/N

User3: One of these days, She'll post a soft launch (it'll never happen)

↳User4: Nothing can ever get rid of her baby from her posts!

Thelomlyn: Y/NNNNNNNN?

↳ Yourusername: You're back!!

↳ Thelomlyn: You know it. Also its probably a stretch but you know you said that you'd trust me with almost anything?

↳ Yourusername: OH no... But yeah?

↳ Thelomly/n: Well a friend of mine (hamm4rtim4) and I think we've found the perfect guy for you

↳ Yourusername: Oh... I'm intrigued. Who do you think this guy perfect for me is then?

↳ Hamm4rtim4: Sir Lewis Hamilton

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Yourusername

📍Circuit de Monaco, Monte Carlo

Yourusername: What a great weekend! El made a new friend @roscoelovescoco. And well done to his dad @lewishamilton for managing to get the win, it was an amazing race. 🤍

Liked by Lewishamilton, roscoelovescoco and 3,678,905 others

View all 6,876 comments

Roscoelovescoco: It's was lovely's to see's you's!

↳ Yourusername: And it was lovely to see you. Although I think El misses you already. She looks devastated without you!

↳ Roscoelovescoco: Well's we've God's to see's you's soon then!

↳ Yourusername: I wouldn't have it any other way🤍

↳User1: Awww that's so adorable

↳User 2: Lewis x Y/N and Roscoe x El. It's meant to be!!!

Lewishamilton: Thank you for your support (and for dogsitting Roscoe).

↳ Yourusername: Any time. And like I said we'll done, you did truly brilliantly this weekend 🤍

↳ Lewishamilton: ❤

↳User3: And so we're meant to believe that they aren't dating!?!?!?!?

↳User4: Ikr. They make such a good (and attractive pair)

Liked by Lewishamilton

User5: Idk why they hid it. Because if I was dating acadamy award winning actress Y/N Y/L/N, I'd never shut up about it.

Liked by Lewishamilton

↳User6: LEWIS LIKING OMD. That has to be a PR concern? RIGHT!??!?!

Mercedesamgf1: Thank you for all of your support this weekend, glad to see you found the right team to support first time. 🖤

↳ Yourusername: It wasn't difficult when you have a certain Hamilton to convince me!

↳ Mercedesamgf1: 🤨

↳ Yourusername: Yeah Roscoe is the best person in the sport!!!

↳User7: Even admin is suspicious lmao

↳User8: She thinks she's so sly...

User9: I'm just saying if they get together, then their dogs can live together and they can all live happily ever after.

Liked by Lewishamilton, yourusername

User10: Lewis likeing all of the comments about him and Y/N is so unserious yet kinda sweet.

↳User11: Like yeah he wants to show her off and let their dogs have kids as they grow old together (they aren't 100% dating)

↳User12: Awww them growing old together with their little bulldogs is adorable

Liked by yourusername

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Lewishamilton

Lewishamilton: Thank you everyone for helping me to get in that top step once again. Its been really tough the past few years but by putting lots of time and effort in it clearly payed off.

Thank you to all the mechanics for your endless work. Thank you to Toto for putting up with my constant feedback, thank you George for helping defend and let me keep that top position today. And most importantly, thank you to my 'personal cheerleader' Y/N. Who has helped to support me, bring me joy and just be a beacon of hope throughout the turbulent season start. I love you ❤

Liked by Yourusername, Mercedesamgf1 and 5,897,098 others

View all 57,764 comments

Yourusername: Love you Lew. You're amazing🤍

↳ Lewishamilton: ❤

↳User1: Awww they've been hiding in plain sight (everyone knew)

User2: Shut up that is adorable. And I love the Y/N effect. You can't have a photo dump without El

↳Yourusername: Why would you want to? Unless it has Roscoe in (I love that dog sm)

↳Roscoelovescoco: Awww's I's love's you's too's

Mercedesamgf1: Felling left out rn🥲

↳User3: I love you admin

↳User4: Well done admin

↳Yourusername: We love you admin

↳Mercedesamgf1: Aww thanks guys. Love you more!

User5: Whoever would have expected this!?!?!? Me. I did.

User6: Does this mean we'll get Lewis in a blockbuster film

↳ Yourusername: He can sing, he can dance... question is, can he act?🤔

User7: This is such a random pairing. I love it.

↳ Yourusername: You can thank @thelomlyn and @hamm4rtim4 for that

↳ Lewishamilton: Thank you you two

↳Thelomlyn: I think you just killed @hamm4rtim4. Oh my gosh. This is unreal.

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-

Thank you for reading! As always, likes, reblogs and especially feedback is always welcome!

Also my inbox is open if you ever have a request!

Taglist: @nikfigueiredo @mysoulispainted @leclercings @d3kstar @hiireadstuff @a-beaverhausen @nichmeddar @lozzamez3 @stinkyjax @marymustdie @littlesatanicassholebitch @mehrmonga @insanedeathwish @ems-alexandra @a-disturbing-self-reflection @cherry-piee

[inkandarsenic]

I had a dream last night that could have been a fic and I’m disappointed that it wasn’t.

It was Buck and Eddie like after the last episode after Eddie was like “this changes nothing between us” and at first, everything was fine and normal but then it became very apparent after like six months that something very much had changed between them, like Buck was still dating Tommy and Eddie was still dating Marisol and in the field they were as in sync as ever but then everywhere else there was this weird distance between them? Like they were still best friends but like fundamentally they were Buck and Eddie instead of BuckandEddie like they used to be and everyone else in the 118+ could see it and they couldn’t

And then suddenly they could see it, because Buck was at Eddie’s and something happened and he needed to change his shirt but he realized that for the first time in years, probably since Eddie got shot, Buck didn’t have anything of his at the Diaz house. A couple weeks later, Eddie was telling the 118 a story about Chris and Buck had no idea what’s going on in the story and they (Buck and Eddie) were talking about it and they realize that it’s been a while since Buck picked Chris up from school or just like had a day that was just the two of them. And then there was some gathering at Eddie’s house instead of Bobby and Athena’s, and Buck makes cookies at his loft and brings them and Maddie points it out, and Buck has a mini crisis as he realizes abruptly that he is a guest in Eddie’s house and he was looking around and the couch was new (Marisol had convinced Eddie to buy a new one) and he hadn’t even realized.

And then Eddie and Marisol and Buck and Tommy were going on a double date at Olive Garden of all places but Marisol couldn’t make it, so it was just Buck and Eddie and Tommy and it was awkward and Tommy was like “look i haven’t known you guys as long as everyone else around you but even I can tell that there is something not right here and you need to talk it out and fix it because you’re both not the same with your lives being almost completely separate, it’s like not natural for you two.”

And they start talking except it kinda devolves into grocery store fight 2.0, about Buck not being there for Chris and not being around except this time it’s kinda on both of them and it’s really no one’s fault but it’s kinda both their faults. And this argument makes its way into their work life where they’re just not as in sync in the field.

And then something happened on a call (unclear what) that wasn’t really anyone’s fault but Buck blamed himself and the current issues he’s having with Eddie, and asked Bobby to be put on B-Shift for awhile and it was just super awkward in the firehouse and Bobby was talking to Eddie and was like “I don’t know what’s going on but whatever it is you need to fix it” and Eddie was like “I dont know what’s going on either, Buck and I just aren’t the same since he started dating Tommy” and Bobby was like “maybe you need to evaluate that because that’s something that only seems to be affecting you.”

And then like a week later, Eddie and Marisol broke up, and Marisol was all “it’s because of Buck isn’t it, you love him more than me.” And Eddie did not work through that, he just went to Buck’s despite still sort of being in a fight and they got drunk on Buck’s couch and Eddie kissed Buck just kinda out of the blue and then was like “fuck I didn’t mean to do that” and left.

Buck told Tommy immediately the next time he saw him (because he learned his lesson from Taylor) and Tommy was pretty cool about it but he was also like “hey maybe you should think about that because you don’t actually seem all that upset by the fact that Eddie kissed you just that he kissed you while you’re dating me and I feel like that says something” because Tommy is a real one.

After like two weeks wherein Eddie goes to great lengths to avoid Buck outside of calls despite being on the same shift again, and Buck talking through it in therapy and with Maddie, Buck breaks up with Tommy (who again is very chill about all of it and is like “we can all still be friends just give me a little space for a while”) and then he drove to the Diaz house and Eddie saw him pulling up and met him outside and it was raining so they really should have gone inside but I digress. And Eddie was like “Buck it’s like midnight what are you doing here” and Buck was all “i broke up with Tommy because you kissed me” and Eddie was like “fuck I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that I never meant to get in between you two” and is just sort of spiraling and Buck can’t get a word in so instead Buck kisses Eddie and Eddie is just like “Oh. So you aren’t mad.” And Buck laughed and was all “No I’m not mad I’m in love with you”

And then my neighbor’s kid started screaming and woke me up so I didn’t even get to see the ending and I’m kinda mad about it because I wanna see how everyone else reacted to all of this

[sh1-n0bu]

Hello! Hope you are having a good day/evening.

I saw that your requests are open so i wanted to see if i could request, a headcanon(or one shot what ever you think would be better for the idea) + angst for scara, childe and diluc [add any character you have ideas pls :) ].

I was thinking of how would they react if reader just disapeard for a period of time, and they maybe though reader was dead. Until they came back (or they saw them somewhere like in other city after long time). [idk why reader decapered-] . I wanted to know if they would let reader in or ignore them for the rest of times.

(im sorry for making this so long- if you dont understand the idea or dont want to make it i complitly understand.)

✿ 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 ✿

characters: scaramouche, childe and diluc x nb!reader

warnings: angst (me likey), reverse comfort, verbal fighting, takes place after scaramouche’s defeat, mentions of blood and injury (not too graphic), reader disappears for some time but dw nothing bad happens

notes: it’s alright hun, i understand dw too much abt anything! also you can def tell who’s my favorite lmao

since his loss as the false god of sumeru, the irmunsul incident, his mentality was slowly getting better

slowly starting to heal from all his trauma, loss, betrayals and suffering in the hands of the second fatui harbinger

but that doesn’t mean some bad habits just won’t immediately disappear

you and wanderer’s relationship has been going well. silly little dates here and there, holding hands and he was even slowly starting to open up to you about his past as well!

however lately you’ve been going out meeting someone named “kaveh” a lot lately. not really having time to explain to your lover that kaveh was your work partner and that you two had a deadline coming soon of an expensive and famous museum

and that was all it took for wanderer to start doubting the relationship between you two

did you truly love him like all the time you said you do? was it a lie? who was this kaveh anyways? perhaps this was a bad idea. maybe he never should’ve took nahida’s suggestion and confessed to you. maybe it was all better if he were to just push you away like he always have with people before

after 2 weeks of hard work with barely no sleep, full meal or even being able to see your loving boyfriend again, the architecture of the museum was finally finished and you and your best friend can finally catch some well deserved break

stepping into your shared little cottage at 2 in the morning, you yawned walking into your shared bedroom with your lover, not entirely surprised to see him still wide awake, sitting on your bed seemingly mulling over something

hugging his smaller body and nuzzling into his neck, you sighed in content. finally happy to be able to spend some time with your darling

that was until he stood up suddenly harshly tearing of your hands that was wrapped around his middle

“darling? what’s wrong?”

“don’t you dare ask me what’s wrong when you KNOW what the answer is. what finally got tired of that kaveh guy you’ve been seeing? finally got tired of him so now you come crawling back to me?!”

“… honey i don’t understand what you mean. i think you got it all wrong”

“don’t you dare call me those names! i knew you were a liar and a manipulator. always going around wearing that sickeningly sweet smile as if nothing’s wrong! you’re no better than him. no in fact, you’re worse!”

the fight escalated from there. at first you tried to calm him down and explain to him about everything but you were just too tired, too exhausted, too lonely

soon enough wanderer and you were just shouting at each other. calling each other names, jabbing at traumas, stabbing old wounds

the breaking point for you was when he shouted one thing you wish you would never hear coming from someone so dear to you

“I WISH YOU NEVER EXISTED AT ALL!”

deafening silence

no one moved, no one spoke, just silently staring into each other’s faces until you grimaced

he immediately regretted it. but he won’t show it because his pride is always too much. always too high. always above everyone. always destroying any human contact he sought after

quietly shaking your head, you picked up your coat again before stepping out of the once shared home with your lover, shutting the door gently. you were never one to slam doors after all

he wanted to get out and chase after you. hold your hand, cling to you, begging for forgiveness

but his pride won’t allow it

a few days have passed and he has yet to run into you. you’ve been gone without a single trace of where you went to or who you’re with

it’s as if his words came true…

it has been a week already. no signs of you and wanderer is going to lose his mind

he went to nahida to ask for her help, he asked about you from the traveler and paimon, he even went around asking about the person named kaveh

another day, another failure in finding you

sobbing in his bed, clinging tightly to your pillow he only wished for one thing. he just wanted you back

snapping out of his misery when the front door knob jingled, he nearly tripped over his own legs when jumping out of bed

and there you were, standing on the front door of your shared home, wearing the exact same clothes, facial expressions as the day you left

the short male didn’t care about how he looked, how messy his home was or even much of his pride. throwing himself into your chest, clinging to you like a lifeline, sobbing out apologies after apologies

forgiveness is a hard thing. especially to prideful people like wanderer but he will soon learn to apologize if he keeps practicing make sure to disappear more to teach him a lesson reader-chin👍

it has been some time since the ginger menace has seen his lover. that’s because you have been away on a long time commission on dragonspine. something about multiple frostarm lawachurl going haywire. of course him being himself, immediately offered to go as well if it weren’t for you bonking him on the head with all his piled up harbinger paper work

he knows you’re strong - even though you lack a vision - and he has great faith and earnest trust in you! he truly does! however the gnawing of dark thoughts, worry filled mindless pacing and the creeping presence of nightmares just won’t let him go no matter how much the harbinger throws himself into his piles upon piles of work

it took one utterance of your name to slip past ekaterina’s mouth that snaps him back to life, away from the insecurities and terror looming over him

were you finally back? it took a whole 2 weeks! he can’t wait to see you, hold you in his arms, trail kisses on your scars, to just be in your presence again!

just the simple thought of your face is enough to have him kicking his feet, giggling with sheer and utter joy

but that giggles stopped abruptly when ekaterina showed him a piece of ripped cloth. your cloth. a ripped part of the coat you wear whenever you’re called to dragonspine…

with a bated breath and shaking hands, childe asked “… they’re not here, are they?”

when the fatui gave a hesitant nod, tartaglia bolted out of the northland bank, running straight towards the icy peak - which always stirred warmth within his heart, reminding him of his homeland - now filled with a painful, nerve wracking cold

when he had arrived at the place you mentioned before seeing off, there were blood stains everywhere on the snow

the sight always used to make his eyes widen with excitement but now, with an unshakable fear

“[name]? [name] are you here! honey-bun please answer me!”

digging through all the wreckage, running around all over the place, searching for you, yelling your name. he just needed one little sign. just one little sign, please

and his pleas were answered with a grunt. a pained groan

quickly dashing over to where the sound had come from, he found you under a small wreckage pile of carts and tattered cloths with a hastily wrapped bandage around your bleeding torso

“haha… is it a bad time to say hi, big boy?” shakily laughing and cocking your eyebrow, you shot him a teasing grin

if you weren’t injured he probably would’ve bonked you over the head nicely but for now a nice 24 hours of lecture and scolding sounded better to ajax

it all started when your beloved significant other kept coming back home way past midnight, bruised and bleeding and leaving the next morning before the sun could even crack through the darkness of the night

at first you were worried, then you soon got used to it but patience can only run for so long until it breaks

“WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THINGS FROM MY PERSPECTIVE FOR ONCE DILUC?! YOU ALWAYS COME BACK INJURED, SOMETIMES EVEN ON THE VERGE OF DEATH AND YET YOU STILL LEAVE IN THE MORNING WITHOUT EVEN LETTING YOUR OPEN WOUNDS CLOSE!”

“i’ve been doing this for years [name]. so stop being clingy and let it be! i’m strong enough to handle myself.”

meanwhile elzer and adelinde looked at each other in worry. furrowing rheir brows, biting their lips and anxiously messing with their hands

the manor has never been this loud, ever since the fight between their young master and his brother kaeya of course

the fight started with a simple curt sentences being thrown but now it was slowly losing it’s meanings, turning into a shouting contest. a fight to see who has more pride than the other

“STOP BEING SO DAMN OVERPROTECTIVE! I’M STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE MYSELF AND YOUR WORRYING IS NOT NEEDED!”

that was the final straw for you to leave the manor with a loud slam of the front door

diluc tried to chase after you, realizing his mistake, wanting to apologize sadly the whole shouting re-opened his wounds, causing the young master’s sleeping tunic to get dirtied with blood

since that nasty fight with your dear boyfriend, you’ve been staying at his brother’s place for the time being. kaeya was more than understanding. after all, he too was once cast out by his loved one from his home

it had already been 4 days since the uncrowned king of mondstadt had seen his beloved and things were not going smoothly. he keeps messing up the order’s at the bar, letting fatui or some enemies get out of sight only to be reminded of that with a new wound, spending sleepless hours just tightly clutching at your pillow in your once-shared bed

on the fifth night of your sudden disappearance, diluc has had enough. mentally broken and physically exhausted, he sobbed silently, holding onto your pillow tightly

the red head was too caught up in his mental breakdown, he didn’t even hear your voice calling out his name

jolting violently and swiftly turning back - ready to summon his claymore - only to fall silent once he realizes it’s your hand holding his shoulder, your voice calling him sweet, cheesy nicknames, you standing before him in the flesh

“… darling? is that you…?”

you hated how broken he sounded. how devastated yet relieved he looked. how his voice shook with so mich hesitation and fear

gently cradling his head to rest upon your heart, you shushed his cries and begs of forgiveness

cuddles? …that sounds nice

[harrystylesfan2686]

Lewd Thoughts

Pairing: Cassian x Reader.

Summary: Just reader simpin' over cass😁

A/N: Again unedited🫣 I changed it a little from the original story plz dont mind😅Also I'm 5'1 so I wrote this from my perspective. I hope you like this!❤️

Masterlist

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The Winter Solstice has always been an important day in Night Court. The celebration and gifts and everything about it is always perfect. It has to be and Rhys makes sure of that. This time especially since it Feyre's birthday too. He goes all out. Doesn't matter if it's just between family, he still did his best.

I wear red cotton dress with white puff sleeves and stockings, matched with pearl earrings. Mor dressed me up tonight making sure I look my best. She even painted on my face with somethings and even though I thought it'd be too much, I love how I look.

We were allowed to bring one guest if we wanted tonight, I didn't invite anyone but mor didn't let the chance go. She invited two people a female who she met at Rita's and a male named Gabriel, I think. When I reminded her that the option was only one guest she told me Gab can be my date to which I had laughed but agreed.

We sit around the living room, talking and waiting for others to come. Rhys, Feyre and Azriel were already there when Mor and I arrived, our guest informing us they'll be a little late. We are now waiting for Cassian, Elain and surprisingly Nesta. I have to admit, I was a little shocked hearing she said she was coming too but then I got to know that Feyre had threatened her to come, using the small apartment she is living in at the moment.

I and Mor were conversing our gifts to everyone when Cassian came exclaiming his arrival. I take him in while he wishes everyone. His tan skin and tousled half ponytail, those silky hair I always wanted to run my finger through and those amazing Hazel eyes that I wished were always on me. His casual clothing hiding those strong muscles that always make me drool. I never could pay attention to my morning training sessions because if he was near, all I can ever think about is how hard they'd feel against my body.

A pinch to my elbow makes me yell out and snap my eyes to the provider of my pain. I glare at mor, rubbing my sore skin I exclaim,"What?!". She raises her eyebrow at me and says,"Stop looking at him like that. You're drooling."

I gasp,"I am not! You-"

"Hello my dear friends." Cassian interrupt me. I turn to him, towering over me he smirks. I look at the end of his tugged up lips. Oh what I would do to feel those full lips wrapped around my nip-

Nope, not going there. I blink out that thought as quickly as it came and smile in return. I greet him back, hearing Mor do the same. They talk about something which I'm not paying attention to and use that time to adore him. Oh how good he looks. My eyes trail from his eyes to his sharp jaw and his stubble. I wonder how those tiny hair would feel like if we kiss. They'd tickle my chin, deffinately. I'd like that. And I'd for sure like feeling them on my sensitive skin when his head is between my le-

No!

I avert my eyes and scold myself for thinking these lewd imagines with him right in front of me. I sigh to myself and try to fosuc on what he is telling Mor. I fix my eyes to his neck knowing if I see his lips again I'll go crazy. But their voices again drone out in the background when I focus on his neck. How is it that I find even his neck so sexy? I want to suck on it. Leave a little trail of red markings with my lips. Even bite a little as I sink down on his co-

"Are you even listening to me?" I hear his voice, bringing me from my imagination. I blink up at him in embarrassment when I realized he had said something to me and I didn't listen. My face flushed with heat as I try to recall what he said.

"I-um," I stammer glancing at Mor in hopes she helps me a little but all she does is give me a knowing look. Cassian chuckles above me and I look back at him.

"What's gotten into you? Are you alright?" He gives me a soft smile. "I-yeah! Yeah of course I am! Yeah." I nod and give a, what hopefully is a, convincing smile. My few loose hair strand away in front my face, before I can raise my hand to put them back, cassian's hand tucks it behind my ear. I freeze. The callus skin of his hand feel too good against my ear. It lingers their for a second before droping back down. I stop myself from shivering from the intensity of these situation.

A yell of Mor's name catches our attention and we all look at the female and male that just walked through the door.

Right. I forgot we invited plus ones. Gabriel's eyes lock with mine and he smiles, walking towards us. I observe him. His white skin and ocean blue eyes with high checkbones and sharp jaw. I have definitely seem him before. I juat dont remember where. Mor introduces five of us and walks away with her friend leaving Gab, Cass and Me alone.

"Y/N, Its been a while." Gab smiles. I, in return, and nod to him, stilling trying to remember him and failing miserably.

Maybe I should juat ask him... No that would be rude. Wouldn't it? Oh I don't remember anyway so might as well.

I clear my throat,"I'm sorry if I offend you by saying this but I don't really remember you." I smile apologetic, watching his face fall and nod. "It's alright," He nods,"I understand, I mean it was almost a century ago. But I can try to make you remember." He tilts his face.

"I would love that." I breath out a chuckle. I notice cassian's face switching between Gab and me depending on the speaker.

"Well, it was seven decades ago, on starfall. We met in the celebration party and got along well, wether that be our personalities or the alcohol, I don't remember." We laugh. Cassian still listening. "That night I walked you to your house and well, we kissed." My eyes widen as forgotten memories flash through my eyes.

"Oh, I remember! We kissed and I invited you in and we-" I abruptly stop remembering how the rest of the night went. We didn't even make it to the bedroom. After the adrenaline ran out along the drunkness, we had been so tired that we fell asleep on the floor. "Yes, We did." He eyes fall to my lips, down to my body and come back to my eyes.

Cassian frowns. He clears his throat and I look at him. Confusion fills me when I something like anger in his eyes. Gab's words makes me look at him again. "So how have you been?"

I go to answer but the words get stuck in my throat when I fell a pair of arms hug my waist. I look down, seeing the arms of the man I adore so much. My heartbeat fastens when he pulls me back to his chest. I gasp when my back touches his hard muscles. He puts his chin on top of my head and my heart feels like it will fall out of my chest. Gab's eyes take in the massage Cassian is clearly stating.

Stay away.

I know almost all versions of Cassian. His friend version with me. The brother version with Az and Rhys. The teacher version during training sessions. This is new. I love this version of Cassian too whoever he is. It's exciting.

"I'm doing really good." I answer Gabriel's question, blushing profoundly. "And you? What are you doing nowadays?"

He answers but I hear none of it, thanks to a certain lord of bloodshed wrapped around me. I'm sure he can feel how hard my heart is beating right now and still choosing to ignore it.

All I can think about how hot the veins on his arms are. And how large his hands they are. How they fold around waist perfectly. How his two hands cover my entire stomach. How good it would feel it they tighten around me. How his big palm would feel covering my neck. I bet I'd look and feel so small with his chest passed tightly to my back, one hand choking me, and other wrapped around my waist holding tightly so that I don't move and have no choice but to take everything he gives me while thrusting-

"Are you listening to me, Y/N?" Gabriel's question intrupts me. I try focus on him again, smile and answer,"Yes. Of course."

This is gonna be a long night.

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[srjlvr]

,, stages of confession ‘‘

PAIRING . . . highschool-student!Jay X highschool-student!femReader !

GENRE . . . brother’s bsf trope! , fluff , angst(?) , maybe even crack but maybe just a tiny bit.

WC . . . 2.2k+ !!

SYNOPSIS . . . there are many stages of confession, especially when your crush is your brother’s best friend.

WARNINGS . . . not really a warning but heeseung as your older sibling , one year age gap(idk if its really a warning) , insecurities !

STAGE ONE — denial.

“i’m not having a crush okay, he’s heeseung’s best friend, there’s no way!” — if there’s one thing you learnt about yourself in the last few years, is that you’re a good liar, but it really depends on who you’re asking.

“you keep repeating the same sentence each time i ask you about it, i know you good enough to know that you’re always doing it when you’re lying” your best friend riki, would say otherwise.

“okay so maybe a tiny crush, it’s nothing big, he’s my brother’s best friend, let’s not forget that” you rolled your eyes, “so? it’s the perfect plot! brother’s best friend has always been my fav”

“my life’s not a movie you know” “oh it is, ever since jay entered your life, the camera started rolling”

you rolled your eyes again and playfully punched the guy.

you’ve known jay ever since you were little, he’s older than you by one year, and younger than your brother by one year as well.

jay met your brother in the neighborhood, and ever since then they became literally inseparable.

“jay, this is my sibling, y/n” a month after jay and heeseung —the long lost twins— met, heeseung finally introduced you to jay.

jay was focused on you, you were so pretty in his eyes, you totally made him fighting the urge to learn more about you.

“it’s nice to meet you” he smiled warmly at you, “its nice to meet you too” you replied happily.

those were the first and almost last words you two exchanged. there’s only “hey”s and “bye”s whenever jay’s coming around but nothing more and nothing less.

as you grew old, you started seeing each other more at school, you’d just return smiles and stares but again, nothing more and nothing less.

whenever jay would come over, you’d spend your time staring at him from the kitchen, while he was in the living room, playing some video games with heeseung.

“listen, heeseung is finishing school this year, which means you and jay finally get to talk without it being so awkward!” riki smirked at you.

“i can barely even say hey to him anymore” you sniffed, “oh come on i see the way you two are looking at each other whenever you meet in the hallway, it’s obvious that he’s crushing on you as well”

STAGE TWO — accepting.

the other day, you were walking to riki’s locker, crossing your hands and looking at him seriously.

“okay fine maybe i do have a huge crush on him” you sighed while looking at cheerful riki, “tell me something i don’t know”

“but i’ve also accepted the fact that it can never happen between us” you added, “exact—wait what no!” riki sighed, “of course it can”

“heeseung would never let us date” you sighed, “let’s not forget about the fact that he’s not interested in me, i mean look at his classmates, everyone’s so pretty and around his age”

riki rolled his eyes and smacked you, “you HAVE to see the way he looks at you whenever you’re not watching him, it’s like he has heart eyes or something like that”

“i think you’re a bit exaggerating” “i’ll hide a camera in my sweater and prove to you who’s the one exaggerating”

“what do you think i should do?” jay asked sunghoon, one of his friends and classmates. “i mean, heeseung never said anything about his sibling being off limits, but i dont think he’d like the idea of you two dating”

“i think it’s worth a shot” he shrugged, “heeseung is leaving school this year and will probably go to college, this is my chance”

jay has already accepted his huge crush on you, from time to time he would steal glances of you, so intrigued by your beauty.

whenever jay’s coming over to your house, he’d spend every second in trying to get closer to you, including going to the kitchen to fill up more than ten cups just because you were spending your time in the kitchen and he thought it’d be a great opportunity to talk with you.

it didn’t work out though, just as you said before, things are just awkward between you two.

jay can’t stop thinking about how pretty you are, and your bubbly personality is what makes him more curious about you. he watches you from afar, playfully punching your friend, riki and then laughing your ass off with him, it’s something that made him envy riki, he wanted to be the one to make you laugh like that.

STAGE THREE — trying.

another year passed and heeseung is finally out of the picture, so what’s stopping you from talking to him now?

it was fear, the fear of not being enough for him, the fear of being different and weirder than the others, the fear that he’ll laugh at you the second he hears you talking and so on.

“you should at least try,” riki said, at the verge of begging, “it won’t hurt”

“what am i supposed to say? ‘oh hey! now that heeseung’s outta the picture we can kiss!’?” riki giggled, “no, i think you’ll know what to say when you’ll see him”

“i’m going to try,” jay said to sunghoon, “it won’t hurt”

sunghoon nodded and pat jay’s shoulder, “i wish you well dude, try not to die in the hands of heeseung okay”

STAGE FOUR — meeting up as if its the first time.

you were taking some books out from your locker when jay suddenly showed up.

“hey!” he said kindly, “oh, hey jay!” you replied with a smile.

“heeseung is not here now” he added, “right”

“so i’ve been meaning to ask if you’d like to get to know each other better, it’d be less awkward between us each time i come over to your house” he chuckled.

“oh gosh yes finally,” you sighed in relief, “i thought i was the only one who felt awkward”

jay shook his hand, “no no, its totally mutual”

“so i was thinking about going to the park after school, just to talk about whatever” “i would love that” you smiled warmly at him.

“great! can i get your phone number?” he suddenly asked, “so i could contact you when i finish school”

“oh yeah right” you held him out your phone and he put his number in it, “done! i’ll see you later” he smiled and walked away.

“dude!” a second after jay walked away a figure jumped on you causing you to fall. “you got jay’s phone number AND you’re going to the park with him later? i’m so proud of you”

you glared at the figure, “oh im gonna beat you up you better start praying nishimura riki!”

“wait wait wait,” he froze before you could hit him, “can you at least tell me what happened?”

you did end up telling him what was the conversation about, and he obviously couldn’t stop teasing you about it.

“i told you and i said what i said” he stick out his tongue, “remember me when you get together”

“i’m fighting the urge to beat you up on daily basis i need therapy” you sighed.

school ended and you texted jay that he should wait by the lockers and then you both could go out together, he texted you right away with an okay.

as you walked out of the classroom, you could already see him leaning on the locker next to yours, patiently waiting for you.

you smiled and walked up to him, “hey again” he said, “hey, i kept you waiting too long?”

“no not at all! i’ve just finished some things i had to do” you nodded and put your books in your locker, “let’s go now shall we?”

“i think heeseung would kill me if he saw us together” jay chuckled as you two kept walking around the park, “i can talk some sense in him” you rolled your eyes.

“your brother loves you a lot, he wouldn’t stop talking about you” he smiled, “i could say the same about you, it’s always ‘jay jay and jay’ whenever we gossip” you rolled your eyes.

“but that’s what made me curious about you” you added and he nodded, “i’m glad to know my feelings are mutual”

you two spent the rest of the afternoon together, even going to a local cafe just to get comfy and eat some snacks together.

“thanks for today, i really hope we can do this more” he smiled, “i really hope so too, i had fun today”

he nodded and watched you walking up to your door, “i’ll text you later!”

STAGE FIVE — confronting.

“hey!” heeseung popped out of the living room and hugged you tightly.

your relationship with your brother couldn’t be better than what it is, you’re each other’s best friend and know every little secret about each other.

“hey” you replied, “you’re back late” he pointed out.

“yeah” you replied and hesitated, “i was actually with jay”

“really?” he said excitedly and hugged you.

“are you okay?” you asked him, now you’re the concerned one.

“yn please, it was obvious that the moment i leave school, you two would open up and talk” he said, “i had to watch you two stealing glances every now and then”

“i don’t understand” you said.

“you’ve never asked or talked about wether it’s okay if you and jay would hang out or not, i’m obviously a fan of you two” he chuckled.

“god you acted like you’re mad all the time!” you complained, heeseung laughed and pat your head, “it’s your mind that makes you think like that, i was actually the happiest when i first noticed your tiny crush on him”

“you didn’t even have to tell me you’re crushing” he shrugged and you rolled your eyes, “how do you even know im- you know what? im just gonna go shower” you said and ran to your room.

heeseung sent u off and then smirked, he took out his phone to call his friend, “jay you were right, she just told me you went to hang out together” he giggled.

“really? what did she say…?” jay asked curiously, “you’d have to find out”

a few days ago, jay went up to heeseung and confessed to him about his crush on you. “heeseung, i need to tell you something”

“i know and im already excited” heeseung smiled warmly. jay looked at him confused, “how do you-“ “you were about to tell me that you’re crushing over my sibling right? it was pretty obvious”

“i waited patiently for the day to come” he chuckled, “how did you even find o-“ jay’s eyes widened a bit, “i’m not blind, i noticed your stares and awkward tension, come on it was so obvious”

jay just grinned and went up to hug the older one, “since when did you become so-“ “thank you heeseung, it means a lot”

“i’ll be waiting for your confession, better do it soon or i’ll be the one to reveal it”

“please don’t” jay smiled.

STAGE SIX — waiting for the right time.

“well? it’s been a month and i havent heard anything from y/n except your hang outs” heeseung rolled his eyes.

“im waiting for the perfect time, i don’t want to rush it” jay shrugged.

“this is the perfect time! you’ve spent together a lot more than you think” heeseung pointed out.

“you’re right but-“ “i’m not going to force you, but you should do something before it’ll be too late”

“too late for what?” you came behind jay and smiled, “we were just talking about the fact that finals are soon and i didn’t even start studying” jay rolled his eyes.

“oh, same here” you said disappointed. “hey y/n, let’s go watch a movie!” he suggested.

“sure, let me go and get ready” you smiled and went up to your room.

“i’m gonna do it now” he grinned and heeseung crossed his fingers as a good luck.

STAGE SEVEN — confessing.

as you and jay sat on your seats, you noticed him taking a few deep breaths.

“are you oka-“ “y/n, i actually have to tell you something”

you nodded and waited for him to continue.

“i like you, a lot actually” he smiled, “ever since i first saw you, you caught my eye and i couldn’t stop falling for you, you never fail to keep me intrigued about anything the involves you and-“

“i would really like to take you out, on a date, and officially call you mine” as soon as he finished, the movie started rolling. “you don’t have to answer right away, take your time if it feels too rushed for you”

he then turned his head to the screen as you kept staring at him.

soon, the movie ended and you don’t remember even watching it, you were so deep in thoughts and excitement.

the jay park, likes me? you thought and your cheeks started to automatically blush.

as jay was about to get up from his seat, you grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“i would love to go out with you on a date, and i would love to be called yours” you let your mouth speak without even thinking.

jay smiled immediately and dragged you into a hug.

“oh god im so glad-“ “FINALLY!!”

you heard claps and shouts from behind you. you took a glance and saw riki and heeseung standing right behind you with small tears in their eyes.

“i never thought i’d be able to watch you two get together before my college starts” heeseung wiped his happy tears.

“i told you!” riki smirked and shrank as you glared at him as if you’re going to kill him.

jay then got closer to you and whispered in your ear, “me and you tomorrow, at 8pm, i’ll come to pick you up”

© — 2023, srjlvr. pls don’t copy/translate any of my works without permission ! | reblogs and comments are very appreciated !

[heongiu]

Hi! Can I request a yandere Gun with reader who has had enough and wants to leave him for good?

hey Anon, tysm for the request! and ooooohh Yandere Gun?!..what a fun perspective to write about.

warnings: Yandere, slight abuse, manipulation, toxic and unhealthy relationship, mentions of abuse, gaslighting.

!Yandere! Gun x Reader ||

“Y/N OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW” He shouted at you, banging loudly from the bedroom.

it had been 2 years since you guys started dating, everything was merry and bliss until a month ago, he started acting strange towards you. At first it was unnoticeable, but slowly matters got out of hand. With his concerning possessiveness and manipulativeness, possibly also abusive behaviour. It was too late to leave when you had realized this all, your beloved boyfriend was not who he acted like in the beginning, the rabbithole was much, much profound.

And now you were sitting scared on the bathroom floor, your body shaking tremendously , tears sprawling out your eyes, the door was locked shut securely, but you knew it was not enough to keep him from entering in, You knew how indestructible he was.

“Y/n..if you open the door like a good girl, you can avoid getting hurt you know? and if you dont you know how bad it will be for you right?” his voice was reverberant, and his tone was threatening. There was not much time left until the door would get kicked open, and you would finally be dragged out of your protest. You couldn’t think much at all, not even think what to do, because in a situation as dark as this, nobody would.

And so the door was kicked down, and appeared who you had wished didn't. And with one Swift sway of his arm, he grabbed your wrists and hauled you out of the bathroom and into your shared bedroom. He clutched your hands together tightly, almost an earth-shattering grip.

and with one more swing he threw you on the floor, his aura turned obsecurely belligerent with you.

You tried praying to each and every God ever known to existence, you wanted to break free, but none of your prayers were answered.

"Now answer me, why did you go to him?" He interrogated, his grip on you was stronger than ever, as you cried out in pain.

"G-Gun! Please hear me out!.. H-he was a good friend of mine! It's not anything serious at all-" and came a harsh slap across your cheek, he grabbed your chin and pulled your face close to his.

"Oh really?... What proof do you have to assure me you weren't doing shit with that bastard?" His voice was hoarse, as his eyes looked at your trembling figure with animosity.

"Y-you can call him!...a-ask him about yesterday.. Th-then you'll know.." You answered back, petrified.

maybe.. You shouldn't have gone there at all. Gun tossed you to the floor violently, grabbing your phone, and checking your contacts list. As he furiously scrolled over the various contact, he finally came across the guys contact number and dialed, walking around the bathroom impatiently.

Each passing second was making your skin crawl. As he took more and more time to pick up the call. And then.. He finally did.

"Hey ____? Yeah I wanted to ask what you and y/n did yesterday, it's nothing serious, I'm just curious, she wouldn't tell me herself so."

Gun spoke to the guy over the phone like they were best friends, his tone had completely transformed, it was... Just exactly like how he used to talk to you before. Seeing him change this way made tears sprawl out your eyes.

And so... His suspicions were confirmed...Wrong. And you took a deep, relieved sigh, but it was not... Over, yet.

"I'm glad it wasn't anything serious, but if you ever hang out with him again... I'll make sure you never see daylight again" he whispered close to your ear, as he grabbed your head from behind, pulling you closer.

"You do realise how much I love you, right? " he added as he brushed your cheek with his calloused hands, gently and softly.

"Y-yes..I do.." You murmured with a shaky mode of expression, you were still a lot traumatized from whatever just happened.

"Good, I love you so much, I'll keep you safe with me alright? Everyone else is using you, only I, can help you my love"

He kissed your forehead, before picking you up and putting you to bed.

[kedreeva]

as someone who is ace and entering college years, how has your dating life been as an ace? what other struggles have there been that you have advice for? i dont know any aces or similar around me older or otherwise. thank you for your time and i hope you have an easy day!

Okay this will get a little long so I'll put it behind a cut

Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask, since I never really...struggled? Not specifically with asexuality or with anything related to it. I can tell you my experiences, though, and you can decide if there's anything worthwhile to take away from it!

I grew up in a house run by science and math. I knew the prefix a- meant without/not and I knew there was heterosexual and bisexual and homosexual, so when young and, importantly, before really ever interacting with other queer folk, I went Ah ha, these are (prefix)(sexual) and so therefore I am asexual (without sexuality), and that was that. That was literally all the thought I gave to it. People had crushes on other people, I didn't have crushes on people, end of story. If, for some reason, I developed a crush on someone, I would deal with it then.

Maybeeeee midway through HS, a very good friend of mine asked me about it, and I said well, some people like everyone the same, and I dislike everyone the same. And she said well, then it sounds like you like everyone the same, that amount is just zero, so that seems like bisexual? (she didn't know the term asexual was an actual sexuality term either at that point, just the biological term for reproduction and, well, I could reproduce theoretically so couldn't be that) And I said well, alright then, and called myself bisexual for the next 6 or 7 years. THEN I found out asexuality is a sexuality not just a mode of reproduction and I said Ah Ha, I was Correct, and that was that again.

So I guess if I was offering advice it would be... you know you. Don't let someone else tell you about you if you think they're wrong. Make up a word if there isn't one. Use a new word if you find one that already exists and fits.

Also, that it's fine to not worry about it. Literally it's fine to just never think about it if you have better things to do. I think a lot of people get really wrapped up in finding the right label and/or "what happens if-" when like... you're not a canned good. You don't need a label. Worry about what-ifs when they come up, don't borrow anxiety if you can help it.

I dated a few people in HS, like... three people I think, and one Almost. One predatory mistake I thankfully recognized (HEY because I had older folks online I could talk to about it!) and got out of quickly, and one hot mess relationship that was a LOT of fun- my boyfriend, Sark, and then his ex-girlfriend, and then I stepped out so they could get back together, and then they said wait no, and invited me back in, and that went on for most of the end of HS, and nearly into college, when I stepped out again (and peacefully, I am still friends with both of them and I married Sark in the end). There was one guy whom I was always, perpetually, extremely fond of, and we hung out a lot, kissed once, and I think we would have had a lot of fun dating, but ultimately it was a near miss that became a fond memory, because we were never in the right place together. Sometimes life does that, and that's okay, too.

In college, I simply didn't date anyone. I had better things to do. I met my best friend, @idkfandomwhatever, online that year (and still talk to her almost daily, sometimes for hours, despite that we are on opposite sides of the world!!), and in person @mishapeep who was the best roomie I ever had (hi!!!!! i love you!!!). I had great friends, I went on a TON of adventures, worked a cool job where I had awesome coworkers, and just all around had a blast learning stuff and napping in sunbeams or on couches at the food court. A couple of guys made passes, and I turned them down because I just wasn't into it, and we remained friends. There was one coworker at my dispatch job that I got along with like a house on fire, and everyone ELSE thought we should be dating, but neither of us ever brought it up- I can't say why he didn't for sure, but I know I never brought it up because I was 85% sure he didn't swing for the right team to date me, which I ALSO never brought up until he found me on facebook years later to tell me about his husband running for local election somewhere. so. again, don't let anyone else tell you what to do lol there was ALSO another guy that I had NO interest in that spent a lot of time around me, but we mostly sat in my bunk watching Queer as Folk, which I KNOW was his first exposure to queer material. I never talked about queer stuff with him otherwise, but I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he's also happily married to his husband. Sometimes just being yourself, openly and without shame about it, does more than you think, even if it's not doing anything directly for you (but it is, it's good for you too).

SINCE college ended, I dated one guy I met through an online game and that was great in person briefly, but ultimately didn't work out because he couldn't be a nice person, another guy I met through the same online game and that didn't work out at ALL in person, and then I started hanging out with Sark and co again. I was on the phone with him driving somewhere, and I said something to the effect of someday you're gonna find a gf and she's not gonna want you to keep going on adventures with your ex, and we won't be able to talk anymore and I had a real recordscratch moment where I realized absolutely NOT on MY watch, I wanted that boy in my life forever actually, and we've been married now for... this is year 8.

I may have landed in a soft place, but I didn't seek it out. I just lived my life and didn't worry about my sexuality or about who I was or wasn't gonna date. When I DID date, I was up front about what I wanted from any of those relationships and part of the problem with the relationships that didn't work out was sometimes that I did not KNOW what I wanted, yet. But, it was IMPORTANT I think, that I gave the chances I did, because I did learn about myself and what I wanted. That's probably the hardest fucking thing to learn, that relationships sometimes happen not because they're likely to be permanent, but because it may be fun or be a way to learn what you do or don't want. Maybe alongside of that, the lesson that it's okay to go "hm, actually this is Not For Me" and exit peacefully whenever possible. But it's okay to give temporary things a shot and see how it goes, even knowing up front it may be temporary (honestly maybe that even takes some of the stress of it off? if you don't have to worry about it being forever, and you don't have to worry about "what if I never experience other things," and you don't worry so much about messing it up so it feels easier to take chances saying and doing stuff you might otherwise consider too risky to ask for etc).

I'm aware I'm lucky that things went pretty smoothly for my entire life so far, insofar as dating or sexuality is concerned. Part of that was definitely because even the worst of the people I dated weren't really all that bad of people. A lot of it was that I just didn't date if I didn't want to. I didn't care about sex, so I didn't have sex for the first time until a few years after college, and only one guy ever pushed the issue at all (the guy in HS I immediately dropped all contact with).

The thing is... I dated or nearly dated like ten people, flirted with countless others (because it's FUN), and the only one I still have regular contact with (not just occasional friendly hellos) is the one I kept at the end.

But the friends I made in college? I kept a lot of those. I still talk to several of my college friends on a regular basis. I have made other friends since, some of whom I talk to every day, some of whom have become irregular contacts I am still fond of. But those bonds are important and the ones you make with your friends from here out do have the potential to span at least huge chunks of your life, if not the entirety of it. If you only take away one thing from this little novel...take that knowledge.

also this has nothing to do with asexuality but for pete's sake find SOME kind of hobby club to be a part of, or make one if there isn't one, follow your stupidest instincts for adventure on occasion (like playing freeze tag frisbee in a lightning storm on the PAC lawn at 11pm until the campus cops show up to make you go home), and take at least one "fuck it this sounds fun" class. Mine was archery at 7am, the only early-morning class I ever took. Worth it, we were all TERRIBLE but god it was awesome.

Good luck out there!

[jazzyblusnowflake]

OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c

honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈💕💕💕💕💕

also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-

keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.

hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p

First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.

next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭

envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕

envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu

Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-

next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-

DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//

DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.

ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕

ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-

okay some more or less crack ships down here:

ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-

ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-

ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔

LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-

ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-

DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]

okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...

J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=

Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.

Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔

aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.

[kenlvry]

omg i just read the “getting caught making out” and was wondering if you could do it with craig’s gang aswell🙈

craigs gang getting caught making out

an: HELLOO!! i am back from vegas, my brother wasted 300 on gambling and i have never been so motivated to kill someone, also i tried wine and.... yeah idk how to feel oh also i am not making jimmy bc like i said idk how to potray him im so sorry :( also like always 16-17

clyde

hes so mad at you rn, how could you!! while he was out in the field sweating his ass off you were on the bleachers talking so gently to a boy.

he looked over to you and the boy had his arm wrapped around you while you laughed at his joke. but thanks to you he played well, out of jealousy and anger. after the game that they won, cheers could be heard and only then did you realize you literally missed your boyfriend's game. so now here you two were beside the bleachers making out, after the game he sulked and you reassured him with a kiss but one thing lead to another and you two are making out.

your back pressed against the metals while his hand hold your head so you don't feel the metal, his other hand cupping your face holding you close, it was slow and wet, he kissed so well you loved it when you maked out with him or kissed him he was always so experienced.

since you two were on the side bleachers that was far away from everything nobody could really see, stan and craig was searching for him because coach wanted to take a team photo for him to display, searching everywhere and giving up sitting on one of the bleacers. "dude where the heck is he" stan groaned leaning backwards on his seat. then they heard small pants

they looked at each other in somewhat shocked "are they doing what i think their doing?" craig said and peeked thinking it was some perv doing nasty shit but it was his dear friend making out with his girlfriend "clyde?" stan called out and you two jumped staring at the other two, stan looked annoyed and sighed loudly "just say yr jealous stan" clyde winked tilting his head to stan "celebrations can wait, coach needs you" craig said and went down pulling him by his clothing basically dragging him "call me babe!" you laughed lightly knowing if you dont call he'd show up infront of your house

tolkien

you loved this moment right here, you and tolkien making out without a care in the world. it started with him asking you to come over, thinking he wanted to play games or something but when you arrived he wasn't there, checking every corner still no tolkien. then you checked the backyard and there he was in a suit standing while holding flowers and behind him a table for two people.

you laughed at the sudden surprise, him coming to you grabbed your hand and kissed it "mlady" you laughed again at the fancy name he gave you. walking to the table "if i knew we were having a dinner date I would've worn something more fancy" , he wanted to go somewhere more fancy but this town is far from fancy so he resorted to the next best thing. he pulled your chair and you sat while he slowly pushed it.

it was the cutest thing ever, you two had a nice time and before you know it you two were making out , it was so romantic his kisses were delicate. he held your waist gently and the other holding your back so you don't fall over from him leaning you downwards trying to be romantic, your hands held his face not breaking the contact. he holds you so dear and making out with him makes you feel like you two are a married couple growing old tgt

but before you could feed onto your delusions even more, you could hear a familiar voice calling out on tolkiens voice, it was his mom and dad. you both quickly broke the kiss and greeted them, tolkien said they weren't gonna come home until tmr but they stopped by to grab something and you thought you were going to be bribed 10 million dollars to break up with him but you saw them converse with smiles on their face.

leaving the house with a "invite her for dinner next time sweetie" you blushed a little "now where did we left off?" he said and pulled you for another kiss

tweek

boy oh boy does he look stressed rn, he is a cash register, waiter and the one making the coffee at the same time . every minute his twitching worsened, you laughed at how cute he was from the glass door, entering with a ding caused by the bell, tweek shouted "welcome to t-tweek bros!" from the counter while making coffee and when he saw who came he smiled so brightly

keeping professional and trying his best to not hug you tightly while crying about the shitty customers he just smiled while waiting for you to order. "just a water babe, dont wanna stress you out more" you smiled and he smiled back making the water and giving it to your table "how long til your shift ends?" you question while drinking your water "ngghh five minutes!" you hummed at the answer and he walked away

his shift finally ended so now here you two were making out in the break rooms, it was suppose to be him complaining abt the customers today but i guess he had other plans, it was sloppy, it seem as though he didnt even want to kiss you. you smiled at how rushed he was and pulled away, your current position is being pinned onto his locker while he cups your face, your hand on his shoulders pushing him. he looked slightly confused on why you pushed him but you flipped him over so he was pinned against the locker you being shorter grabbed his face and tip toeing to kiss him and he just hold your waist not knowing were else to place his hands

when it seemed like it was getting steady and he wasn't twitching as much the doors opened with a bitchy voice followed "tweek your shift ended right? lets pl- the fuck" tweek jumped at the sudden intrusion " argh! this isn't what it looks like! i mean it is! i mean!" you placed your hand on his shoulders and the rest of the boys walked in "damn tweek i didn't know you were kinky like that" kenny said making the others laugh "shut up!" tweek said as you all walked out, they continued to tease tweek abt this for a couple of days (by they i mean cartman and sometimes jimmy) until you forced them to stop, tweek always kiss at home now, specifically your house, hes too nervous someone will disturb you two.

craig

you dont know how it lead to this but uh here you two are in his kitchen making out... i know how though. you came over to hang out with him......maybe you shouldve come a little later bc rn red racer is on and he refuses to talk to you until after red racer is over. that show is sooooooooo boring to you, you can't say that though.

and damn how long is this show on?? its been 20 minutes now and you two are halfway through the episode. attempting to talk to him again he shushes you and says "wait until red racer is over" for the 100th time you sigh knowing you have to wait even though craig knew impatience is one of your strong personalities.

you decide to go to the kitchen to relieve your thrist, opening the fridge literally eyeing it for a drink and opening and closing it hoping a drink will appear. finally you see water right infront of your fucking eyes,you drink some then put it back, closing the fridge and when your about to turn around someone hugged you. the smell of the cologne was easy to identify, craigs dad.

jk its craig , he wouldn't let go even if you tried, "craig." you said sternly in defeat "sorry, red racer is over now what did you want to talk about?" laying his head in your shoulder, his breath on your neck. you sighed and just when you were about to run he flipped you over to the counter, he picked you up by your thighs and placed you on the counter his hand trapping you in "my parents aren't coming home for awhile" he winked "so?" you said in confusion and he just kissed you so yeah now you two are making out

his kisses was lovingly, and sensual... although he doesn't seem experienced he's good at kissing, you put your hand on his shoulders and his hands now on you waist one of them travelling further down to your thigh. as you two were enjoying the moment the door opened, quietly though. you two of course didn't hear it and kept making out and you hear something drop. you two looked over at the door to see almost every boy in the 4thgrade (the relevant ones ofc) butters has dropped his book and was in shock he ran home muttering smthn abt we can only kiss after marriage.

everyone just stood there staring at each other "so are you js gonna stand there?" craig broke the silence "do you want us to come to you then?" cartman said in a sarcastic tone which made craig flip him off "leave" and they left, wow. "isn't that too rude? poor them" you said pitifully looking back at the door. "forget them, your focus is me, where were we hm?" he said as his hands gently pulled you to look in his direction.

[sunnyyangie]

choi taeyang x f. reader

cw: cheating (not on theo/i dont condone this and yall shouldnt either), dom!theo, best friends/roommates to lovers, oral (r. rec.), penetration

“you’re home early.” your best friend, taeyang, calls out from your shared living room. he pauses the kdrama he’s been binging recently and puts all of his attention on you.

you sighed heavily as you take your shoes off and make your way over to the boy, flopping down on the couch next to him. “he ‘forgot’.” you start, rage filling your body as you recall the events. “i showed up to dinner, told the host his name for the reservation, they said there was nothing written down for it. then i think, ‘oh, surely he made the reservation under my name then? right?’, nope. i looked stupid walking out of that restaurant. then he doesn’t even answer my calls, but sends a text saying he’s busy and he’ll talk to me later. mind you, it’s our eight month anniversary, why the fuck is he busy? i’m seriously done with him. and i know i’ve said that before but i swear i’ll break up with him when i see him next.”

you finish your rant with a hot face, convinced there was steam coming out of your ears. taeyang has a sad look on his face as he pulls you in for a tight hug. you melt into his arms, grateful he’s always been the person you can count on, especially when dealing with your boyfriend.

taeyang has heard everything pertaining to him. from when he first confessed to you, to the first date, and to when the two of you made it official. you had also told your best friend about all of your (mostly bad) sex stories with your boyfriend, and how he could never make you cum.

taeyang also knows this isn’t the first time your boyfriend has ditched you or just has been a bad person in general. taeyang has tried telling you to leave him after hearing countless stories of him of his horrible behaviors. you just really thought he would change so you never even considered leaving him.

“do you need anything? to feel better?” your friend asks.

you pull away and think. “i just wanna forget about him.”

it was a blur. you’re not sure how you both got to his bedroom, or how your dress was already on the floor. how you were laying on his bed and how he was crawling on top of you.

“let me worship you like how you should be.” taeyang states, placing wet kisses down your neck, chest, and stomach. his fingers hook under your panties to slowly pull them off, tossing them on the floor.

he gently spreads your legs, licking his lips at the glistening sight. suddenly, he latches on to your clit, softly sucking while he massages your thighs. the two of you lock eyes, his deadly stare making you whine. “want your fingers. please.”

he hums against you and you shake in response. taeyang removes his mouth and says, “anything for my princess.” the nickname he had called you ever since you became close, since he was the prince, now giving you a newfound feeling to hearing him say it.

his lips attach to you once again as one of his fingers prods at your wet hole, easily slipping in. a second finger sliding into your warmth when he notices no signs of discomfort.

your sighs turn to soft moans, your hands finding home in his long hair, pulling at him so he can be closer. he switches between flicking his tongue and sucking at your clit while he curls his fingers inside of you.

“i’m close, please don’t stop, tae.” you whine, rocking your hips against his face, lost in the pleasure. taeyang groans against your pussy, the vibrations immediately sending you to your orgasm as you moan loudly.

while you calm down from your climax, taeyang leaves kisses up your body. he then focuses on your neck, sucking at your skin, leaving marks.

“you’re so good to me, taeyang.” you run your hands through his silky hair, softly scratching at his scalp.

he presses a kiss against a newly made hickey before he pulls back to look you in the eyes. “of course, y/nn. you deserve to be treated well, just like a princess.” taeyang places more kisses against the corner of your mouth and against your jawline.

“god, i’ve always loved when you called me that. he would always be so jealous of you and our connection, especially when he heard you call me nicknames.” you admitted. your boyfriend basically hated taeyang. you were very close to your roommate as he was your best friend, so naturally your very toxic boyfriend began to resent him, even moreso when you let taeyang call you princess.

“not surprised. he would barely even look my way whenever he would come over to be with you.”

you can recall the times that you and your boyfriend would be chilling in the living room; how taeyang would come home and the way that your boyfriend would completely ignore him.

“i’m sorry i let it happen. i mean, i really did try reassuring him and trying to get him to like you, but he was just so stubborn.” you explain to him. “i should’ve taken your advice, and, well, all my friends and family told me the same.”

taeyang kisses you, his soft lips feeling like heaven. “don’t apologize, baby. i’m just glad you’re finally done with him.” he kisses you once again. “now you can be all mine.” he flashes you a bright smirk.

“i’d like that a lot.” you blush. “you know, i still need to forget about him, could you continue helping?” you twist his hair in your fingers, biting your lip with a smile.

“of course, my princess, anything. whatever you want.” taeyang drags his fingers down your body to play with your clit, making you squirm.

“can you fuck me?” you look up at your best friend with big doe eyes.

taeyang curses under his breath, “fuck. yeah, baby. i’ll take care of you.” he slips out of his sweatpants and boxers, and you clench around air when your eyes meet his hard cock. knowing that you haven’t even touched him yet and he was already leaking made your cheeks warm.

he grabs a pillow and tells you to lift up, sliding the plush fabric underneath your back. “are you sure you want this?” he worries, sliding on a condom.

“yes, i’m positive.” you smile at him. “please, just help me forget him.”

taeyang nods, “i got you, y/nn.” he kisses you reassuringly. “let me know if you’re ever uncomfortable.”

he leans back to line his cock up with your pussy; the tip just prodding at your lips, teasing your hole. you wiggle your hips and whimper to get him to hurry. taeyang lets out a soft chuckle as he slowly pushes into you, the two of you softly sighing at the pleasure.

taeyang is slow with his movements. making sure you’re able to take him with every short thrust, before he dives a bit deeper each time.

when he presses fully into you, you bite back a moan, pressing a hand over your mouth. your best friend grabs your hand and presses it against the pillow that your head rests on. “wanna hear you moan for me, princess.” taeyang demands, pulling himself almost completely out of you before thrusting back in with a quicker pace.

you whine loudly at the feeling of his dick dragging against your walls and how he nearly hits your sweet spot. you’re certain your entire face is red with how hot it feels because of him. “tae, you feel so good, shit. fuck me so, ah, well.”

your free hand reaches for him and he leans in closer to you as you wrap your arm around his back to let your nails dig into his shoulder blades.

taeyang pants, hot breath on your neck as he leaves marks on you. “all mine.” you arch your back, your chest bumping into his at the way he’s been worshipping you.

he uses his free hand to grab your waist and pin you into the bed. feeling how his cock drags through your cunt, you moan as you wrap your legs around his waist.

“need more, yangie.” you plead. you’re close. butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

“i got you, baby. fuck, i wish you could see how you look right now.” his hand presses against your stomach, your nerves on fire. “my pretty girl.” taeyang presses his thumb against your clit while still creating pressure on your belly. you writhe against his touch, this feeling foreign as your soon to be ex never gave you an experience like this before. “god, i can’t get enough of you.”

“i’m all yours now.” you barely manage to tell him through your whines. “you can always have me.”

he grunts, clearly affected by your words, and starts rubbing your clit. you sob out, the heat between your legs feeling hotter than ever. “come for me, princess. and scream my name.” his low voice makes everything inside of your unravel.

your loud moans of his name and a string of curse words fill the room as you reach your peak. feeling the way your pussy clenches around him sets his orgasm off with groans.

as he slows down once you’re both catching your breath, he lets his head fall into the crook of your neck, placing a few kisses to calm you down. you softly rub his back, knowing you’ve left countless scratch marks on taeyang.

“i’ll break up with him tomorrow so-“

your sentence is stopped with his lips colliding with yours. “we’ll talk about it in the morning, princess. for now, let’s just clean up and rest.” taeyang reassures you.

you smile at the boy and give him a soft, “okay,” as he gently lifts you up and leads you to the bathroom.