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don’t make me tap the sign!!

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autistic people

wear your comfort clothes

you deserve not to have sensory overloads

you deserve to be comfortable in your own skin, literally

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Allistics (non-autistic people) please read!

I’ve seen plenty of posts about it being important for allistics to not infantilise autistic people, and I agree.

But you know what I haven’t seen addressed and really want to make clear?

Allistics are not allowed to judge which behaviours are infantilising when it comes to autistic people receiving support.

What neurotypicals might perceive as “infantilising” to them, might just be what allows an autistic person to function. I have had this happened to me a few times, but the most notable occasion was about a month ago.

I was not functioning well with living alone and had fallen behind on many important phone calls, was not eating regularly, and was overall in a very bad mental state.

For the first time, I actually opened up to my mother about how much I struggle with these things, and it was a very big moment for me. She was not the most accepting when I was first diagnosed with ASD, but she has come far since then (still some way to go though).

She was facetiming me one day and was helping me write a list of things I had to do and was laying things out in minute detail.

‘Have you eaten today?’ ‘No.’ ‘Okay, you need to go to the fridge, then get some food, make a sandwich and sit down to eat it.’ I wrote all of this down on my whiteboard. ‘Then you need to set an alarm on your phone for 1pm everyday-’ she waited for me to open the app ‘-then you need to label it “eat lunch”.’

And this was the most support I had ever received in my life for my autism and I was so happy, literally thrilled. Happy flapping galore. Suddenly things made more sense, I felt more hopeful that with this kind of support I would be able to function a bit better.

But my younger sister (who really is wonderful, I don’t want this one experience to make her out to be horrible, she really is amazing) was in the room with my mum and she said:

‘Ma, don’t baby him, it’s offensive.’

And I cannot tell you how heavy my heart felt in that moment.

Something which, for me, was exactly what I needed to feel functional and to feel like an adult for once, was seen as babying by someone else, someone very important to me.

And I shakily explained over the phone that actually this was exactly what I needed, thank you for having my back but I don’t find this offensive I find it helpful. She apologised and she sounded mortified by her mistake, I felt bad for her honestly.

But since then I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask my mum for this kind of help again because it was seen as infantilising.

I try not to let people’s opinions get to me but, as I’m sure most people can agree, that’s fucking difficult. Especially when you’ve constantly been judged, mocked, and discredited by neurotypicals your whole life.

So yeah, don’t infantilise autistic people. Don’t call them an uwu precious littol bean. Don’t shrug off their ideas and emotions as unimportant. Definitely don’t feel sympathy for us for being autistic.

But if you see an autistic person being helped by someone they are close to such as a friend, family member, or carer, don’t call it out as being “infantilising”. Because in a lot of cases it’s not. It’s helping. You have no authority in labelling our support.

Neurotypicals please reblog but don’t add anything

Other neurodivergent people can add to this!

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This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?

Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.

So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.

I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.

Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.

Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.

I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.

Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)

I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.

They didn’t like eye contact either.

Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.

Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.

“But they never talked!”

No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.

So you know what happened?

My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.

“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.

1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.

2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.

Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.

I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.

To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.

Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people

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(rocking, chewing, tapping)

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neurotypical people will never know the simple joy of rocking back and forth in place

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Happy flappy!

(This is my gif please don’t repost without giving credit or delete the caption! Thank you!)

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Some tags, tight clothes, and god SOCKS!!

To other autistic people, are there any kinds of clothes that are sensory hell to you?

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like okay. okay. I’m trying to not start things lately I really am. but ppl on here will be like “omg isn’t it so cringey when people make their whole personality [fandom, a certain hobby, a certain interest, etc]? isn’t it so funny when people don’t get sarcasm? isn’t it hilarious when people have inappropriate (but harmless) emotional reactions? isn’t it weird when people talk too formal? isn’t it embarrassing when adults still like media? isn’t it stupid and immature when adults are still socially anxious??? btw I LOVE my autistic siblings!!!!! wow!!! no hate xoxo 💖”

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not so commonly talked about autism traits

~poor/abnormal posture ~trouble with left, right, and other directions ~disinterest in sports/physical activity ~rituals with no outcome ~large or unique vocabulary ~lack of organization ~intense compassion/empathy ~intense anger or no anger at all ~connections with animals ~difficulty understanding pop culture, styles, trends, etc

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(and everything in between)

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