storm-stone

[storm-stone]

02: feeling thankful

I'm feeling really grateful for my partner this week, and honestly, I simply wanted to share.

My brain has been all over the place. Work has been a little crazy. We have new leadership at my company, so there's a lot of new information to take in. My work laptop died, and the replacement was slightly delayed. But mostly, I'm gearing up for the dreaded return-to-office.

My team and I are more globally distributed than other groups in our company, so we currently work completely remotely. However, we're now being asked to return to the office for some time every month. It may seem like a small thing, but it has admittedly disrupted our work-life balance. It has impacted some of my team members extremely strongly, and their lives have essentially been turned upside down.

All week, I've been holding spaces for difficult conversations. Sometimes they happen via work chats on our messaging platform. Sometimes there are random questions or outbursts in 1:1s. Our team meeting this week was focused just on getting feedback about the change. But thankfully, my team is very kind. The feedback, while passionate and rightly negative, has never felt inappropriate or burdensome.

I will admit, though, that I'm feeling a little burnt out from holding the space for those conversations. I can't do anything about the policy, and I don't have any additional answers to their questions, so I'm in between a rock and a hard place -- the Middle Earth of middle management.

How am I going to get out of this?

I feel disoriented. I've been distracted. I'm forgetting things. I even accidentally left a candle burning for much longer than I planned. I keep visiting ismercuryinretrograde.com even though I know the answer is NO. It's particularly frustrating after such a successful and heartwarming beginning to the year with the team that I manage.

Perhaps as one way to recapture the feeling of having control over my life, I went on a whole reorganizing binge. I cleaned out my closet. I reorganized my dresser. I bagged up clothes for donation. I ordered a new side table for my workspace. I set up some new workflows for my new work laptop to help streamline the things I had been simply coping with on my old laptop.

My partner has watched me in my mini-tornado, like the most controlled of chaoses taking place in the Middle Earth of middle management.

After having a frustrating day of his own, my partner took some personal time and left work two hours early, to come home and find me attempting to put my new side table together while also getting my new work laptop set up, all after having given myself a blister from holding the screwdriver wrong (hah I'm literally useless!).

What did he do upon finding me in this condition?

He started building the side table himself. He walked me through all my questions about how to set up my work station. Even laughed with me when I quipped that I shouldn't care so much, given that we're going back into the office part-time anyway. And even spent some of our time during dinner Googling how to optimize my workspace, i.e., give me the dream set up that I've been saying that I've always wanted.

I asked him how he had so much stamina to put up with all of my requests and swirling.

And he said that he didn't find me annoying at all. That every question or need that I have had is valid. That we're a team, and we help each other out. And that he likes doing these things for me, simply because he loves me, and he likes seeing me smile.

Which made me smile.

I don't know how I got so lucky. And I know there are times when my mind swirls. But this week... I just feel so damn lucky with how easy our love is. How our journey isn't really about trying to be better for each other, or compensate for what we've lacked. It really just is about how much fun we're having while sharing space, and time, and life.

There are so many articles out there listing out ways to know you've found the right one. 8 Ways You Can Tell They're Your Soulmate. 10 Ways You Know They're Committed to You. 20 Things to Watch for in a Partner. 500 Red Flags (and 5 Green Ones!).

But this one is the one that makes the most sense to me:

When you're around them... can you just be?

[storm-stone]

01: about me

For someone who isn't really into gemstones, I have a relatively respectable collection. I don't think I really believe in them, but that doesn't matter. I treasure these stones, and their spiritual gifts, because so many of my lovely friends gave them to me. Citrine from my friend in Tennessee, which brings me positivity, joy, abundance, and success. Pink petalite from my friend in Texas, gifting me hope and healing. Sapphire from my friend in Kentucky, bestowing wisdom.

I don't have any amethyst, however.

No selenite, nor blue lace agate.

No moonstone.

No jade either.

Maybe that's why I'm starting this blog.

Or maybe not.

Maybe the reason that I'm thinking of these stones and starting this blog is that I'm trying to find a way to talk about what's going on in my mind. My mind has a horrible tendency to swirl. Even when things are good.

Especially when things are good.

And, truthfully, things are amazing.

Namely, a new relationship.

I say "new", but we've been together for a year now. We happily celebrated our first anniversary early this month. And the journey has been incredible.

So, of course, my mind is swirling.

We live together now. We spend most of every day with each other. And we the more we open up to each other, the more we see.

The more he sees.

Sharing life with him has forced me to look at my insecurities, right in their devilish eyes. I've never shared these sides of myself with others before. I've never been this vulnerable. Never been this open or honest.

So that's what this blog is for.

It's me creating a safe space for myself, a storm stone that serves as my personal touch stone, a place for me to re-center and find the calm.

You're welcome here, too.

You're welcome to share your own stories. Your thoughts. Your worries. Your triumphs. Your calm, and your peace.

Let's find peace together.