strawberryheartsstuff

[strawberryheartsstuff]

Sometimes I wonder if I let out all the words inside of my head, just let them fly free, would it ever be enough?

Or would I just be stuck here, holding in thoughts until it becomes hard to breathe?

[strawberryheartsstuff]

Inside my head is where I live out my deepest fantasies, and envision running away with you ❤️

[strawberryheartsstuff]

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[strawberryheartsstuff]

I wanna visit so bad 😔

KOBE, JAPAN

[strawberryheartsstuff]

I don't think I'm ready,

You said you are,

But it's easy for you,

Leave and come back,

Pick up,

Where we left off,

Tell me about adventures,

That left me,

Painted maroon,

Say you're young,

Didn't mean it,

Hurting me was,

Never a thought,

Chasing endless highs,

As I paced floors,

Calling after silence,

But that's okay,

Age means nothing,

When it comes,

To tearing people down,

It's okay,

You're messed up,

People hurt you,

So do it to others,

We'll forgive you,

Applaud mistakes,

Because you're a kid,

So everything you do,

Means I have to let go,

Forgive everything,

Months of silence,

Thinking,

Panicking,

Worrying,

Is supposed to fade,

Because you want,

Back in,

Well I have to say,

My scars you caused,

Are healing,

My anxiety,

Is riveting,

At the thought,

Of going there again,

To that place,

Of feeling lonely,

Standing next to you,

Living in your shadow,

Snuffing out my fire,

With every word spoken,

All the time given,

Wasting away,

As I crawled in my skin,

Feeling the tick,

Of the incoming bomb,

That you dropped,

Right on my head,

Planting it inside,

The base of my soul,

Watching mine fracture,

As everything fell apart,

Right in front of my eyes,

Knowing I couldn't stop it,

As all that I guessed,

Came true,

Like an unlawful wish,

I can't undo,

Sinking under waves,

Again on the couch,

Until remarkably,

I let go,

Maybe it was good,

Or cowardly,

Either way,

It was needed,

So that I could fully,

Let myself start,

Healing,

Because what you did,

I don't think you realize,

That I was there,

Willing,

Until you burned me alive,

Left me sitting,

Skin bubbling with blisters,

As you hid merrily,

While I searched,

For reasons,

But there was none,

You took what you took,

Did what you did,

Now you have to live with that,

Not me,

Because I won't,

Let you in,

Not like before,

I know you can handle that,

You're a big girl,

After all.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

I may never open up,

Like I did for you,

When it was new,

Fresh and shiny,

Wrapped with a bow,

Sitting under stars,

Looking over,

At you,

Both of us,

Lost and uncertain,

Of anything,

It was everything,

A wild moment,

Where it all connected,

Making us feel,

Like this was okay,

We could make it,

As long as we were,

Together,

Spilling out,

Thoughts we buried,

I could never,

See myself,

Promising,

Lips sealed,

Creating a world,

Where we eventually,

Figured it out,

Not with someone else,

Because dysfunction,

Was at the heart,

Of all that we were,

But have you ever,

Felt a connection,

So deep and rare,

That it tore,

You wide open,

When it was ripped away,

Could we be soulmates,

I wondered,

Putting your things,

Left behind,

In the back of the closet,

I don't know,

If that's true,

Maybe I loved you,

More than you,

Ever loved me,

Maybe you didn't,

Have the capacity,

To let me in.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

I do love you,

But it's not about that,

I wish it was,

Really I do,

Leaning back,

Arms against,

The railing,

Soft rain poured,

All around them,

If it was,

You know,

There would be,

No contest,

She sighed,

Glancing up,

At his face,

His eyes narrowed,

Mouth set,

In a hard line,

It had been coming,

For a while,

Everything had been,

Hard and exhausting,

Everyday took a little more,

Out of both of them,

It was only nights,

Bunched up sheets,

Crying out,

Under the light,

Of the moon,

Warm skin,

Arms holding on,

To stay,

In the moment,

Where nothing,

Seemed broken,

And too far gone,

To save,

But eventually,

Night ends,

And a new day,

Always has to begin,

That was why,

Here in the rain,

She decided,

That it wasn't enough,

To wash away,

All the rotted roots,

Between the two of them,

She didn't want to,

Neither did he,

But sometimes love,

Just isn't enough,

To save something,

I first saw you,

In the rain,

He turned his head,

Toward the sky,

Soaked head to toe,

Hair sticking,

To your face,

Those hazel eyes,

Looked at me,

And I was done,

I think I loved you,

Right then and there,

Without a word,

Or maybe it was,

Just fascination,

I don't know,

I just want to go back,

To when it was,

Good and Easy,

Everything felt right,

Wrapping her arms,

Tightly around him,

She rested her head,

On his back,

Enjoying the heat,

Through his shirt,

Taking in the spicy smell,

Of his soap and cologne,

Me too,

But it's not possible,

It was magic,

Really it was,

You loved me,

More than I could,

Have ever asked for,

And I did the same,

But we can't stay,

Not like this,

So you're gonna go,

I'll stay,

And eventually,

Hopefully we'll,

Find someone,

That will love us,

Just like we do now.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

Sparkling lights,

Blinding vision,

Falling headfirst,

Into a tunnel,

Alice in wonderland,

Woke up and,

Everything was backwards,

All wrong,

Lost in the woods,

Searching for the,

Rabbit running away,

Only to find,

The mad hatter,

Waiting with,

Cheshire eyes,

And devious Grin,

Pouring the tea,

Only to take it,

Before the first sip,

He's mad,

Crazier than sin,

Whispered the flowers,

Don't follow him,

He'll never give,

Only take,

Wised the caterpillar,

Words have no meaning,

Everything is upside down,

We're all mad here,

Following the trail,

Green eyes burn,

In the dark,

Leading the way,

To the Queen,

Tearing down,

White roses,

Bleeding fingers,

From the thorns,

Dripping over,

Handing over,

Red roses,

Lost in the maze,

All alone,

Spinning around,

Off with her head,

Running away,

Please wake up,

Please wake up,

Float away,

On a raft,

An ocean of tears,

Hating how,

All the madness,

Can fill something,

And pour it out,

At the same time,

Lost and alone,

Filling the land,

With all the tears,

In the world,

Never enough,

To forget,

The thrill of,

Chasing green eyes,

Humming through,

The dark woods,

Open eyes,

Light floods in,

Soft paws swat,

Fist clenching grass,

Is this real,

Was that real,

And if it wasn't,

Why does,

It hurt so much,

To remember,

How good being,

Insanely Mad felt.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

I've written,

And thought,

Countless times,

Of you,

I wanted to,

See the good,

In everything,

Only that,

Turned to,

Bitterness,

Resentment,

Anger,

Towards you,

All the lies,

That were told,

How could I,

Love and,

Hate you,

All at once,

It was exhausting,

Carrying around,

The weight,

Of everything,

You brought,

To the table,

I learn more,

Everytime,

Someone says,

Your name,

More you've,

Lied and done,

Just to prove,

You don't care,

Well I did,

I wanted to,

Save you,

Give shelter,

And I tried,

You asked,

I provided,

And I felt used,

Being ignored,

Afterwards,

Until you,

Wanted more,

And sometimes,

I did say no,

Making you,

Explode in anger,

Take it out,

On me,

And leave,

Once times were,

Simpler,

Easier,

We were young,

Laughing,

At stupid things,

Bonding,

For the first time,

Making videos,

That were silly,

But now seem,

A lifetime ago,

You're so close,

But so far now,

And I've worked,

On letting you,

Go ahead,

And dig deeper,

Into your hole,

I'm backing away,

I can't help,

Not with this,

It's different now,

I've changed,

So have you,

But I won't,

Forget about,

Before all this,

I always thought,

Of you,

As my soulmate,

Someone who,

Knew me so well,

I didn't have to,

Always explain,

Made me laugh,

All the time,

But I was wrong,

You weren't,

My soulmate,

Just a messed up,

Damaged Person,

Who I clung to,

Once my,

Best friend,

We were stupid,

Watching crappy movies,

Going to haunted houses,

Video chatting,

Talking endlessly,

It's hard to believe,

That you left,

Didn't say a word,

Heard from someone,

Where you were,

Hiding out,

Doing hard drugs,

Not who I remember,

Someone I can't,

I won't be,

Please get help,

I love you,

And I always will,

But these are,

The last words,

I have for you,

I can't focus,

So I stood outside,

Closed my eyes,

Let the rain wash,

All over me,

I put things away,

Lifted them up,

And let it go,

I can't be a keeper,

I'm my own person,

Working through,

My own things,

Growing myself,

Into someone,

I never thought I,

Would ever be,

I love the smell,

Of the rain,

Soft splatter,

Of puddles,

Running through,

The rain,

Coffee in hand,

Sliding into,

The car,

Soft blue eyes,

Beautiful smile,

Warms me,

From the inside out,

His tiny fingers,

Wrapped around mine,

As I speak,

You're my favorite nephew,

I love you.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

Sunlight streaming,

Inside her room,

Soft violet walls,

As she pulls down,

Pictures,

Off her mirror,

Some of him,

And her too,

Both once,

Everything to her,

Now memories,

Of them,

Rot inside her head,

Soft music plays,

Cut up scraps,

On the floor,

Of a jacket,

With a smell,

That used,

To be a comfort,

But now,

Sourness was all,

She could feel,

Bitter thoughts,

Surrounding,

The photo she held,

Imagining smiles,

Melting apart,

All over,

Her hands,

Stained ink,

Accidentally tearing,

Her own face,

In a fit of anger,

Her phone,

Gently ringing,

Again and again,

Please forgive me,

I'm sorry,

I didn't mean it,

On and on,

Love is dead,

Nothing is,

What it was,

You can't get,

It back,

No matter what,

You try,

Spring days,

Flowers bloomed,

Kisses in the street,

Blasting music,

Laughing,

Driving around,

The three of them,

Life was full,

Only,

Late nights,

Were a lie,

Sneaking off,

Behind closed doors,

Secretly breaking,

Her heart and soul,

Without even,

Giving it a second,

Thought,

Cradled on the floor,

Turning off,

Her phone,

Summer heat,

Creeps in,

Sweat glistening,

Over her,

Thighs and arms,

Days pass by,

Sitting in her,

Empty room,

Open the door,

Walk down,

The hallway,

Glass of water,

Gulping down,

Cool and refreshing,

Fan blowing,

Hot air,

Nearby,

A clock ticks,

Time is slow,

And torturous,

As it is,

With a broken heart,

I love you,

Leads to,

How could you,

Why did you,

Leaving behind,

Something,

That could have,

Been beautiful,

Held up high,

For a moment,

Only to be,

Dropped on the,

Cold hard ground,

Everything lost,

In an instant,

Pieces of her,

Scattered,

Cut deep,

Creating wounds,

That would soon,

Become,

Permanent scars,

And maybe,

She'd heal,

Eventually,

But trusting,

Would always,

And forever,

Be broken,

Learning to,

Love again,

Would take time,

She wasn't sure,

How long,

Only that,

She was now,

On her own,

Who she had,

Been before,

Was long gone,

Setting down,

Her glass,

She walks over,

To the window,

Opening blinds,

Letting the sun,

Warm and,

Brush over her.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

I've had a lot of thoughts,

Rambling around,

My head trying to,

Make sense of it,

I think I was angry,

But I wasn't sure,

Looking at soft clouds,

I began to wonder,

What'd you brought,

Versus what I gave,

And just like that,

It was a simple release,

Holding on,

Letting go,

Eyes misty,

It'll only hurt,

For a lifetime,

Envisioning,

If you had,

Been a better person,

Maybe it could,

Have been something,

It wasn't though,

So I slide my headphones on,

Sip my sweet coffee,

Walk to work,

Reflecting on now,

Not then,

I am my own person,

Not dependent on you,

I was once,

But now it's different,

And people say that,

But they never,

Really mean it,

But it is,

I forced myself,

To change and adapt,

Finding who I was,

In the process,

So what I'm saying,

Is that I love you,

I always will,

But I'm backing away,

Removing myself,

I don't want you,

In my life,

My head or heart,

Because you broke mine,

Without a thought,

I didn't deserve it,

I know I didn't,

But I can't reflect,

Not anymore,

When I've gained,

So much more,

Than I lost,

Vast and open,

Is the space,

Between us,

Wider than the ocean,

Neverending,

Like stars in space,

Twinkling from afar,

I shoot across,

A wishing Star,

Leaving you,

To crash and explode,

Like a meteor,

You always used to,

Want more,

Say more,

Do more,

Nothing could ever,

Be enough,

And I wanted so much,

To justify it,

All the hurt,

You tore me open,

Cut out my arteries,

Just to watch me bleed,

As you left,

Maybe I'm a mess,

I didn't do things,

The way you wanted,

I'm not perfect,

Not like you,

With your million friends,

Your places to go,

Being open to everything,

Destroyed you,

Didn't it,

You did too much,

And it bit you,

Right back,

I was there,

That was then,

But this is now,

I think I'm ready,

I've gone through,

Processing,

What I needed to,

In order to let go,

And yes it hurts,

It always does,

These kinds of things,

Take time,

To heal and grow,

I'm planting a seed,

It's already sprouting,

I'm here,

Dancing in the rain,

Feet caked,

With mud and grass,

Hair and clothes sticking,

It wasn't easy,

This journey,

But I'm here,

Sticking out,

My tongue,

To catch drops,

One lands on,

My nose,

And I can't help,

But laugh.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

Loss is everything,

I thought it would be,

And at the same time,

Nothing like,

I thought it would be,

Sometimes I hate you,

Or maybe I just miss you,

I'm not sure most nights,

When it's quiet,

And I imagine,

Holding onto your frame,

Trying to keep you,

Grounded and sane,

As I say all the things,

I always wanted to say,

In my mind,

You want to stay,

But in reality,

You float away,

Drifting into the air,

And I can't grasp,

You kick me off,

Spiraling me back,

So that I land,

Harsh and alone,

Watching you,

Leave me behind,

Like a balloon,

Floating to the sky,

Head in clouds,

Losing yourself,

Until you pop,

And all that air,

Explodes,

Your pieces now scattered,

And you crash back,

To the ground,

Searching for me,

Where you left me,

Cold and alone,

But I'm not there,

You see,

When you left,

I had to cradle,

Retreat and crawl,

Somewhere safe and warm,

I found a budding flower,

Hiding myself there,

Resting inside,

The soft petals,

Closing me in,

Sheltering light,

Restoring all that,

Was broken by you,

My mind and body,

Needed time to heal,

So you can look,

But until I'm ready,

Waiting for spring,

I won't be emerging,

And when I do,

Delicate petals opening,

Squinting at the sun,

I'll be different,

Not the same person,

That promised,

To stay by you,

I'll be a ray of sunshine,

A rainbow of many colors,

The rain and sky,

Everything all at once,

My own world,

Growing my trees,

Flowers and beautiful gardens,

Watering myself everyday,

Just so I won't starve,

And you can look,

See all I did without you,

But you can't reach me,

I'm blocking out,

Negative energy,

All you bring is,

Tornadoes and Storms,

And I don't want that,

I want to be among,

Roses and Daffodils,

Apples and oranges,

Carrots and Potatoes,

Surrounded by,

What I made,

What I did,

But for now,

I'm still waiting,

Each day,

I'm growing stronger,

Almost ready,

Like a butterfly,

I'll slowly start to walk,

And then all at once,

I'll fly into the air.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

Knees shaking,

Bouncing one foot,

Slurping coffee,

Ice melting,

Cold and numb,

On my tongue,

Dark skies,

Cars rushing by,

Watchful eyes,

Always stare,

Every week,

I'm alone,

Sometimes,

I wait for hours,

Other times,

Just a few minutes,

And every time,

The coffee,

Is sweet,

And jittery,

Skies hum,

And bustle,

With people,

Who move on,

Why don't I,

How come,

I'm back here,

And nothing happens,

Not like before,

We met here,

Like clockwork,

Sharing food,

Swapping coffee,

Laughing,

Buzzing,

Walking home,

Pulling me in,

Kissing me,

Hard and fast,

Until I cry,

It's too much,

You strip me,

Pick apart,

My insides,

And I spread,

Wide open,

I always wondered,

How can a person,

Feel so warm,

And be so cold,

All at once,

Leaving a note,

While I slept,

Or pretended too,

As you shut the door,

I didn't want,

To cry again,

Not in front of you,

Anyway,

My sheets heavy,

With your scent,

Sleep in them,

For days,

Until I hear,

You call,

And we meet,

Over and over,

It was everything,

At least I,

Thought so,

Letting you,

Pull and cut,

On my strings,

As you began,

To drift away,

With only the,

Occasional text,

Meet me,

So I did,

Only to,

End up,

Alone and restless,

Embarrassed,

I waited so long,

But I couldn't,

Resist the pull,

What you had,

Over me,

Was something,

I craved furiously,

As if I was,

Drowning,

And you had,

To save me,

You weren't supposed,

To push me further,

Hold me under,

So I couldn't,

Catch my breath,

Throw away,

My drinks,

Walk home,

Confused and sad,

Swallowing,

The urge,

To tear out,

Rip apart,

Open you up,

Take back,

My heart,

I wish I didn't,

Shouldn't have,

I always knew,

That first look,

Twinkle in your eye,

You were bad,

Mouthwatering,

Beautiful,

Explosive trouble,

You would rob,

And take all I had.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

Strawberries,

Bittersweet and juicy,

Cold on my tongue,

Seeds stuck,

In my teeth,

Wipe away,

Juice dripping,

Down my cheek,

Laughing at you,

My eyes are stars,

Heart expanding,

Around the whole universe,

And back again,

As I float away,

Sucked into your gravity,

I never want to come back,

Watermelon bites,

Soft and sweet,

That's what it's like,

To kiss you,

Breathe in,

Honeysuckle berries,

Splatter and stain,

My favorite shirt,

The one you love,

I lie and say it's fine,

I'm not mad,

But I wish you cared more,

Sometimes,

Grapes,

Purple and Green,

Bitter and sugary,

All mix together,

Creating,

A combination,

That's beautiful,

And awful,

To taste,

Blue skies turn gray,

Storm clouds rage,

When you go,

All the fruits,

That we shared,

Rot and mold,

Nothing is the same,

Without my other half,

Healthy fruits,

Become frosted cake,

Sweet headache inducing,

Glossy sweets,

Fill the space,

Pouring sugar,

Down my throat,

To fill the void,

Teeth rot,

And fall out,

Tongue twisters,

Chew away,

My words,

I'd beg for you,

But unfortunately,

I've have a tummy ache,

My dear

[strawberryheartsstuff]

I never found myself,

Asking for much,

Always quiet and doting,

The comfort child,

Silly and harmless,

Didn't cry,

When my stuff,

Was given away,

As we moved,

Over and over again,

Never complained,

Sleeping on the floor,

Clothes in bags,

All I wanted,

Was always her,

Attention and love,

Look at me,

Hold my hand,

Brush my hair,

Teach me,

How to braid,

Play with me,

Instead of sending me,

Out to roam alone,

Wondering why,

You shipped me,

Off for the summer,

Every summer,

No calls,

No dropping by,

Even though,

You were only minutes away,

And it wasn't,

Like I didn't know,

How you were,

From an early age,

And yet it never,

Hurt any less,

When you left,

Sitting on the steps,

Watching you drive away,

Was how I learned,

To let you go,

Pretending someone else,

Was my mother,

Because mine,

Barely wanted me,

Choose guys and drugs,

Over our safety,

That was when I,

Found solice in,

The heat and freedom,

Escaping,

My role,

If only for a moment,

Before I had to,

Pack a bag,

Slink back to,

Dark and cold,

Unexpected,

Places I wanted,

To run away from,

Trading Summer,

For damp fall,

And harsh winter,

Just to be,

That good girl,

I had to be.

[strawberryheartsstuff]

MAISIE PETERS – WATCH APPLE MUSIC LONDON SESSIONS

[strawberryheartsstuff]