sunnysidehoneys

[sunnysidehoneys]

ABANDONMENT. short story about a nurse wife and her soldier hubby.

His touch was like a tattoo. I thought it was permanent yet it was ever fading. Every time his cold fingertips even brushed my warm skin, shivers travelled to my toes. I could feel it when he was distant lands away from me fighting some silly war. It’s not like I wanted him to fight but no he was persistent he had to go fight that time.

The same lips that whispered in my ear as pleasure poisoned my body were the ones that bellowed out the harsh words that stained me forever. I was scared. But shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t like it was the first time he’s gone to fight again. However, the first time felt different. More like a sincere goodbye tears of joy and cries of hope yet this time it was smiles of pain and distant memories.

I didn’t want him to go yet he still did. I still feel numb as I remember all that unfolded that night. Alcohol burned through my veins, forcing my body to relax from the long day of work I had just endured. It was tough working as a nurse. People treated you like shit yet you had to endure it. You were alone yet always had people around. I really just wanted to be a doctor. But Women can’t be doctors as they aren’t capable of being one allegedly.

I was a dying flower. My beauty was still there yet everything else was slowly crumbling and falling apart. Petal by petal. I really should stop drinking yet it was the easiest way to calm my troubles. The crystal glass my mother in law gave me as a wedding gift seven years ago now is endlessly filled with the cheap wine from the shop nearby. It was terrible yet it did the job.

I could hear a noise. Footsteps maybe though my slowly intoxicated brain could easily muddle it up for the beginning of a rain shower. But I was correct, footsteps crept down the croaking and groaning wooden stairs of my aged home and yet I still didn’t move just taking a large gulp of wine and waiting for the person to speak.

“Bea I have to leave.” His dry voice grumbled out as he walked past me to go put on his hard leather boots. He didn’t look at me, not even once but simply ignoring my physical presence yet knowing I was still there.

Finley Kites was a handsome man with mousy brown that was cropped down yet still had a fluff to it. A five o clock shadow dusted his face showing a sort of ignorance to his appearance. Eyes as dark as coal clearly seen and experienced things the average person would never in their lifetime. His ivy coat filled nicely with his boxy shoulders and firm chest. Though under his uniform war scarred him. Memories of monsters covered him as he walked the streets. A distant shout or screech alerted him in seconds forcing him to be aware.

War changed him for better and for worse. He was scared I’d view him as a cold blooded killer. Someone who took lives yet didn’t sympathise. So after the first war, he dropped off his bags and shrugged off the top layers of uniform before leaving again and to a battlefield of its own, the pub. We both struggled with alcohol but he had his moments. As he left, my mind was filled with confusion yet a burning passion tingled at the back of my head.

“Why was he going as soon as he had just returned?”

I wondered at the time as my feet slowly stalked over to pick up his discarded layers of uniform. He was clearly back from fighting but needed time to recover from all that happened during his time in the war. I understood that because I was fighting my own battles at work and needed to always recover after doing so. But then wasn’t the time to be worried as my husband was back for what I thought was for good.

***

“Pardon?”

The words seemed to slip out from my tingling lips. Leave me. The thoughts and the pain started to take over. I heard the gossip around town that another war was brewing between an ally and one distant but I was praying that we’d not get involved but clearly we were. I couldn’t let him go again. All that I went through the last time he left. I couldn’t bear it again.

“Beatrice don’t make me repeat myself I know you heard what I said.” His eyes now making a connection with mine as he spoke again clearly frustrated with me for asking him to repeat himself. Finn was a straightforward man; he got things done and moved on to the next time he had no time for going back unless it was seemingly important. He was on a countdown, he couldn’t waste a single second.

“Darling you can’t leave again. You’ve only been back a few y—“ I tried to stutter out but was quickly interrupted.

“Does it look like I care? I have a job to do to protect my country and to make sure you’re safe.”

“But I am safe. I want you to be safe. You still haven’t fully recovered from the last w—“

“Duty calls and I’m a seasoned officer. They need as much help as they can on the front before it gets bad.”

His tone was harsh and stubborn like he already made up his mind ages before he decided to speak to me. Those deep brown eyes were staring into my soul trying to find that last bit of sympathy to allow him to leave. But I was drunk and sympathy for my country wasn’t on my mind but having my husband in my bed all snuggled up and possibly naked was.

“Finnley I need you home!” I argued trying to get him to stay but I knew nothing would work yet I still tried.

“I won’t be doing as much fighting this time so I’ll be fine,” He tried to reassure me as he strolled over keeping the connection with my eyes as he did. “And we both know the pay could help for the future.”

The future. We always thought about it yet always haunted us on what might actually happen would be different to what we wanted. I want a family. He wanted a family. But we clearly couldn’t have a family with him miles away and me stuck at home it was virtually impossible. Also with the lingering thought of him being on the front line being caught up in crossfire or victim of a bomb attack dwelled.

His hands sneakily snaked into my waist holding me tight against like a gun had most probably had before. They were calloused and worn yet soft and felt like the first time he touched me again. I didn’t want him to leave as I'd miss this. His comforting warmth that shields me from the cold or maybe his musky scent that always had the twang of the cigar he had just smoked. I didn’t want him to abandon me again. I was afraid he was going to die. Die out on the field and just be a name on a cross not the one on my lips.

“Bea.”

That loving little name always comes out. The memories of the many times he’s used that name instantly flooded my head as I subconsciously melted into his persuasion. He was abandoning me again yet he was trying to make it so it was more of a sweet goodbye not an angry farewell.

“You know I love you ok. This one shouldn’t take as long as the last, trust me.” Finnley gently cooed to me as his hands curiously wandered down my back eventually resting on the plump curve of my ass - that was covered by my cotton night dress. It was a simple night dress made with a soft blue cotton fabric and a white lace trim on the hem and end of the short sleeves. He liked me in blue.

“But Finn—“

“But what, Beatrice? I need to help. I’m no coward and they expect me to do what I have to do. It doesn't matter if you try to fight me now as I’ve already said yes.” He simply replied liking it wasn’t a major bombshell that he already said yes.

“You already said yes? Oh Finnley why do you never tell me these?” I asked out of annoyance and also hurt.

A scoff left his mouth as I felt his hands slightly tense on my rear. I could tell he didn’t want to say something but knew I’d get an answer out of him eventually.

“Because you always make it a bigger thing than it is ok? I just wanted to just say it after it’s done so I can give you a farewell before simply leaving.” He answered feeling annoyed too but felt I deserved an answer which I did because I was his wife.

“I don’t do that.” I tried to convince him but was trying to convince myself more. He was right or was he? Did I make things bigger than they actually were or was he just trying to get me to say yes to him going.

“Don’t lie to me now Beatrice.”

“Just go then. Stop with all this.”

I wanted him gone if he wanted to go. Him to abandon me so I could get the band aid off as soon as possible. No one liked to pull it off slow as it hurt more when you did it like that. The scab could heal and I could move on. And I knew eventually he would be back into my arms safe and after that he'll stay this time, permanently.

“Ok then but I’ll be back in the morning to collect the remainder of my stuff. This is just a meeting to discuss the strategy and briefing on how to approach this.” He mumbled out into my ear his embrace became tight again but not suffocating. Missing him is an understatement. I’ll struggle to live without him as the pain without your rock, your love, your support was deeper than a bullet or a stab.

My hands cupped his cheeks, his stumble slightly scratching my cheeks. Our faces millimetres away from each other as our breaths hit one another’s lips. It wasn’t long before he captured my lips into a deep kiss. I really wanted to resist yet my body was drawn to him like a magnetic connection. His tongue pressed against my lips forcing its way into my mouth like breaking down my walls. Our tongue gently tangled and I couldn’t pull away now. He was abandoning me for war again. He could die. Yet here he was kissing me goodbye and saying everything was fine. But it wasn’t.

After a good minute, we finally pulled away from each other and just stared. Our eyes silently communicate without any words. A simple language we both understood. He knew I didn’t want him to go. However, I knew he wanted to go. I couldn’t fight him as we both knew it would end with more pain than anything.

“I’m off, I'll see you in the morning.” He spoke whilst he let go of me and fixed up his uniform slightly. He looked nice in it ; very dashing. Though I knew all the pressure tucked into his pockets.

“Goodbye darling.”

He started to make a move for the door and it seemed my feet automatically moved to follow him to the doorway. My eyes tracked his body as he moved to our navy car. The sound of the door opening snapped me out of my depressive daze as I had to simply watch him get into the car. I waved to him as I saw the car start to pull out of the drive and onto the concrete road. A nod was all I got from before the car once on the drive became a small speck in the distance.

I closed the door and locked it.

It was like locking away a part of my heart once again. The part that held all my love for that man. The man who I cried for and cried with. The man who holds me to sleep in my rough nights. The man who scolded me for overworking myself when he was the soldier. The man I loved and cared for.

I walked back to the grey couch and sat down before picking up the discarded wine glass and downing the last bits of wine still in there. It was a race before the first tear came down. Though, I did beat it by a few seconds. It dripped down my cheeks and the salty taste quickly filled my mouth. Why was I crying over this man? The one who left me just to fight in a war? The one who was abandoning me. His wife. His love. His one.

Or was I?

[sunnysidehoneys]

Chapter two is up everyone !!!!

[sunnysidehoneys]

does everyone love enemies to lovers?

[sunnysidehoneys]

Come read my story please.