surlyhobbit17-blog

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I NEED IT

like a year ago I saw a trailer for Some Fucking Romcom where I thought for the first thirty seconds the plot was “bride asks her gay brother and his boyfriend to get heterosexual dates for her wedding”

turns out the plot actually was “bride asks her two Commitmentphobic ™ brothers to get dates for her wedding” which, lame

I like my idea, where two gay dudes and two lesbians have to pretend to be straight for an entire weekend 

“I can definitely pretend to be straight,” Lesbian One says, “I successfully pretended to be a straight man for twenty years.”

“No,” her girlfriend Lesbian Two says, “no you definitely didn’t.”

Lesbian Two, who is butch, discovers an eyelash curler. “What is this, a torture device?”

Gay Guy One hooks up with the DJ, the wedding planner, three caterers and the best man. Shenanigans happen as he narrowly avoids getting caught by the bride.

Gay Guy Two, of course, finds himself falling hopelessly in love with the groom.

At the climax of the movie Gay Guy One falls out of the closet where he’s making out with his latest conquest, the florist. The bride screams, eyeliner smearing from tears, about how he’s RUINING HER WEDDING and she didn’t choose to have a brother who was QUEER and why didn’t he ever think about HER and why couldn’t he just pretend to be NORMAL for her SPECIAL DAY–

the groom is like “honey, I’m bi”

the bride says “no, you’re not! you’re marrying me! you’re straight now!”

and then the wedding is called off and Gay Guy Two and the groom live happily ever after. the after-credits scene is Lesbian Two suspiciously poking her eyelids with an eyelash curler

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Nose kisses ❤️

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Mulan by PapurrCat

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The Arcana Muriel Route

Hello! I’ve finally found some time to do a quick play through of Muriel’s first Chapter! I’m excited to see what they do with him and how my stubborn and sassy MC Esmé does meeting him in this story. But of course before we start............…..............................

OBLIGATORY ARCANA MURIEL ROUTE INCOMING SPOILERS WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Alrighty I am WAY too excited so let’s jump right in!

Muriel: Book VI - The Lovers

Chapter 1 - Strangers No More

Aaayyyeee let’s get it Muriel!!! 👏😜

UMMM HOLY SHIT INANNA WTF ARE YOU DOING IN ME SHOP SCARING THE SHIT OUTTA ME 😂

Uuuhhhh Muriel you’re lookin a lil rough bud 😅 Very Gladiator

WHY YOU BEIN SO MEAN TO THE PRECIOUS FUR BABY?! 😭 SHES JUST TRYING TO SAVE YO ASS

Feathered magical deer thing missing a heart? Yeaaahhh that’s not good 😅

Mmk usually MCs stubborn decision making moments go over well but I will admit we may have done a boo boo just runnin up all magic jacked when Muriel obviously has some magic issues...we’re just gunna take the L this round I think Esmé

Muriel is so over this rescue it cracks me up 😂

Awww he doesn’t wanna squish my little MC what a sweet bean ❤️

“He’s back?” WHOS BACK? I BET ITS THAT GOAT FACED FUCK LUCIO COMIN TO WRECK MY SHIT ALREADY THIS BOOK 😂

I FUCKIN KNEW IT 😂😂😂 JUST GO HOME NOBODY LIKES YOU 😂😂😂

When we actually get a Lucio Route I’m gunna be such a bitch just you wait 😂😂😂

WHOO SHIELD BITCH FIGHT ME

WAIT JK IM JUST PLAYIN DONT COME BACK MAN 😂😂😂

Thank god for Muriel cause knowing Esmé and I we’d be dead already 😅

Lmao Asra always coming through my best boi

Awww blushy Muriel is my aesthetic

PFFT STRAIGHT TO GO AWAY. AMAZING. 😂❤️

Man I need more cooiiinnnsss 😭

OH SHIT I FORGOT NO ONE CAN REMEMBER MURIEL OH DIS GUNNA BE A GOOOOOD ONE

I love Muriel’s Bitch face. I need it on my wall 😂

Awwww he made eggies. Always make girls eggies...or any food. BOOM! Insta friends.

AWWWW HE GAVE ESMÉ THE MYRRH POUCH 😭❤️

Oof no love lost between him and my boi Jules

DAMN MURIEL DROPPING SOME REAL KNOWLEDGE SO FAST 😂 HE TAKES NO SHIT I LOVE IT 😂

And the arrival of the Floof master himself. My dude got some ‘splainin to dooooo! 👏

Awwwww that was such a good first chapter! I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would tbh. Is Muriel my new go to boo? Guess we’ll see! Now I’m all caught up and can’t wait for the next update! ✌️❤️

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It’s the 10 year anniversary of 2009…

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I’ve gone from being lonely in my apartment to having company every day for the next 3 weeks. What is even happening 😂

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Hellenic New Year's Blessings

May Hestia fill your year with the warmth and love of the hearth fire. May Zeus bless you with clear skies and the ferocity of the thunder. May Hera grant you keen insight and the power to rule your life. May Athena bless you with wisdom and the courage to fight for justice. May Poseidon fill your life with excitement for adventure. May Demeter bless your home and pantry with ample food and a bountiful harvest. May Aphrodite fill your year with the type of love that you seek. May Apollon bless you with good health and fill your life with beautiful music. May Artemis fill your life with the determination to protect those who need aid. May Ares give you the strength and fire to always push forward, even when the challenge seems insurmountable. May Hephaestos bless your life with creativity and clever hands. May Hermes fill your life with smooth communication and merriment. May Dionysos fill your year with excellent friends and even better times together. May Plouton grant you ample wealth and peace of mind. May Persephone fill your year with the beauty of spring and the strength of iron.

Happy New Year!

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This makes me feel so much better 😅

I always feel like such a spoiled little shit when I order my groceries online, like there’s some part of my brain that just rebels against the idea and wants to call it the height of lazy privilege, but honestly one of the most revolutionary things for my pain and mobility issues has been the ability to order groceries from an app on my phone and have them show up at my door 2-3 hours later. Sometimes within the hour if you want to pay extra for it.

Like god fuck and damn me I might be in too much pain to do much more than hobble to the kitchen some days, but at least there’s food in the kitchen if I can manage to make it there.

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Needed this! ❤️

Just something on my mind:

It is about 5 hours here in NC until midnight and The New Year is ringed in.

As someone who will be alone tonight, i would just like to say,

it is perfectly ok if you aren’t out partying/watching a ball drop/hanging out with friends/making out/going out to eat, etc. etc. Like, don’t let something like that make you feel so upset! I really get it, i use to feel the same way– i always worried i wouldn’t be involved in all the energy, all the happiness, all the everything, simply because i wasn’t there to be part of it?? But that is so, so false. Im not missing out on anything just because im present where i am & neither are you. So, please do not worry. 💫💜⭐

It is so miniscule and the notion that what you’re doing when the clock strikes midnight is how your year will be mirrored is actually pretty insanely untrue.. just saying. Don’t fall for that, at all.

None of my friends invited me out, im not in a relationship so i cant spend it with my significant other, i live in the capital of my state but don’t live close enough to walk to our ball drop, but literally none of that matters to me– the message is: you make your own happiness! Whenever you want, and however you want!

Tonight, I am gonna be sitting on my couch all snug, watching either Netflix or Hulu, doing the rest of my readings and quite honestly, end up forgetting about New Years until i look at the clock and see it is 12. Don’t enter The New Year on a bad foot!

if anyone still is worried about being alone/isolated during this time, you can send me a message and we can talk for however long you’d like, about whatever you’d like. You have company in me, always. 💛⭐

and if you will be out for midnight. Please stay safe, have a wonderful time & be present!

Much love to you all!

❤💚💜💙💛⭐💫

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2019 Book Recommendations

Hey everyone!

So I like to start off my new year by asking for book recommendations! I love to see what other people like to read and it introduces me to new works I wouldn’t otherwise read!

So comment/reblog with your favorites or with a book you think everyone should read so I can add it to my 2019 reading list! 😁

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The Arcana Book XIX

Hellooooo pretty people! I’m alive I SWEAR. Lots of crazy things going on BUT I finally had some time to catch up on the Arcana update Book XIX The Sun for my main three babies! So as usual before we get started:

OBLIGATORY ARCANA BOOK XIX THE SUN SPOILER WARNING!!!!!!

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Alrighty let’s get into the nitty gritty!

The Arcana: Book XIX - The Sun

Asra’s Route: Full Circle

“My family” awwww sweet lil bean

OH SHIT SOMEONE HIT THAT HAND SHOO

OH FUCK YOU LUCIO YOU GOAT FACED FUCK

Wow there is a lot of testosterone going on here...MC just blast goat bitch and let’s get on with it

“Not sorry gatta go” 😂 I’m dead

Oooohhh let’s steal the body back 😜

Yeah let’s totally send Lucio into the black pool I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU ASRA WTF

OH THANK GOD HE GOT OUT

EW THEYRE GUNNA EAT LUCIO

It’s too late?? Wtf does that mean Muriel?!

Julian’s Route: On the Precipice

OH YEAH I BROKE A CHAIN ON NASTY OL VLADEMEH FUCK OFF 😂

Oooohhh whos it gunna beeee?! I hope it’s Death

JULIAN NO DONT FLING THE ENTITY CAT 😂

So Death told The Devil to go fuck himself and then got got by our lovely bitch Vladumr and who’s now a demon and Death can’t return to their physical form? Big mood

YAAAASSS GETTIN THR BAND BACK TOGETHER TO KICK SOME GOAT ASS

AWWWW HES APOLOGIZING FOR EVERYTHING SWEET LIL BEAN 😭

MAZELINKA IS ME 😂 “Goat bitch” I die 😂

Awwww I love the sibling bonding time 😭❤️

STUPID GOAT FUCK FIGHT ME

*PANICKED SCREECHING*

Omg this is supposed to be serious but I’m dying over Julian’s insults here 😂 gg my dude

“Where did he learn all of that” same girl same

YES THE ONLY OPTION IS TO FIGHT FUCKING FIGHT ME GOAT MAN ILL TAKE YO DAMN BRIDGE

Julian went from epic insults to heart wrenching declaration of love I can’t with these feels

Nadia’s Route: Last Resort

EW I FORGOT ABOUT VALERIUS 😂 HE SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME ONCE IT LOADED

Yiiiikkeeesss don’t piss off the scary dude. Let’s go back to fighting the devil yeah 😅

Oh shit he doesn’t even realize?! 😱 It’s a surprise for me that’s for sure

AYYYEEEE THERES OUR DUDE WHATS GOOD HIEROPHANT

Everyone’s a little embarrassed it’s hilarious. Like embarrassed that they almost died and/or became a demon like it’s casual 😂

I just realized Valerius is drinking water instead of wine...gg my dude

OMG I NEED MORE COINS 😂MCs Nadia thirst needs to be satiated 😂

LUCIO JESUS WHY WONT YOU JUST FUCK OFF WE WERE DOIN THINGS

“You’ve come a long way to annoy me” “Dont talk to me” “Get out of my house” I’m loving the sass 😂

Okay....that was unexpected...I don’t really wanna break them chains though suffer you goat faced fuck

Oh god but his first deal was a long ass time ago even though he was still a lil bitch

OH SHIT NADIA MAKE THAT GOAT BITCH BEG MY DUDE 😂

OMG EVERYONE V LUCIO IM DEAD 😂 BEG BITCH BEG WHAT A FLEX

OH NOOOOO I GATTA DEDIDE UGGGHHHH FINE I GUESS ILL BE A GOOD PERSON

I love how Valerius and The Hierophant are judgmental wine bros now 😂

Okay but I have a baaaaaad feeling about this one my dudes

Oh okay cool MC has her body and Lucio is pre plague fuck head again 😂

OH YO NADI OMG 😂 SHE GUNNA SKEWER HIM 😂

So now I’m all caught up! Yay! Honestly this was kind of a nice slow chapter for me and I really enjoyed it. Surprisingly, my favorite update had to me Nadia’s with all of the Valerius/Lucio chain break drama. But I still have to play through Muriel’s chapter so stay tuned!...or not it’s kew 😂✌️❤️

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Belated Arcana Update

Hey hi hello it’s me. Soooo holiday season means long hours and little rest SO I’ve finally just finished up everyone’s route from the previous update Book XVII The Moon. 😅 BUT I STILL HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS OKAY. PROLLY MORE THAN USUAL CAUSE SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND ALL BUT FUCK IT RIGHT 😂

So as usual before we get started...

OBLIGATORY THE ARCANA BOOK XVII THE MOON SPOILER WARNING!!!

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Aight so here we go my friends! 👏

The Arcana Book XVII The Moon

Asra’s Route - From the Other Side

OMG ALL THE FEELS 😭❤️ MOMMA AND DADDY FLOOF

MC awkward parent introduction is literally me 😂

HOLY SHIT MOMMA FLOOD BUILT LUCIOS ARM WTAF

GADDAMMIT I NEED MORE COINS TO COMFORT MY FLOOF 😭

YOOOO EPIC MAGIC BEASTIE MAKING 🔥

Epic battle against tree monsters and I am HERE FOR IT

“Oh it’s on now Tree!” Put this on my fucking grave please 😂

OH MY GOD DOUBLE SNAKES 😭 I WOULD DIE FOR THEM

Oooohhhh magical Auras! I like

YOOOOO LETS GO KICK SOME GOAT ASS MY DUDES

Omg Family Floof hug I cry

Julian’s Route - Dream Within A Dream

So I totally would still die for my girl Star

HELL YEAH ITS UP TO ME TO STOP THE DEVIL LETS KICK GOAT ASS

Julian is stepping uuuuup it’s so cute

I WANT A SNOWBALL FIGHT BUT IM POOR 😂

I’m going to lose my shit over these damn chains in every single fucking Route omg 😂

WAIT

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCK

DONT YOU DARE TELL ME MY DUMB ASS STARTED THIS SHIT OVER AT THE BEGINNING JAHAUSOJHS

I am getting in this damn boat and going to kick some goat ass

OH MY GOD NIGHTMARE FUEL JULAIN DISSOLVING INTO BEETLES KMN

UM EXCUSE ME

I SIGNED UP FOR GOATMAN MURDERING NOT JULIAN FEELS OMG

OH MY GAWD MY SWEET LIL BABY BOI HAS MADE SO MUCH PROGRESS I DIE 😭

AM I JUST GUNNA YELL FOR HIS ENTIRE ROUTE?! I LEAN TOWARDS YES

OH MY GOD WE FINALLY GET TO MEET DEATH JAHSIKNSKO

OH

MY

GAWD

ITS VLADELAVEMAH (VALDEMAR)

Aw damn I’m disappointed now smdh fucking Valdemar ruining the mood

“Kick their ass!” AIGHT IMA DO IT

EW THEYRE MELTING EW EW EW

PUT THE CHAIN BACK 😫

I have so many feelings about this Route omg 😭💀🔥❤️

Nadia’s Route - Breaking Chains

((Side Note: I totally did Nadia’s Route super late after the others...like I just barely finished it. I KNOW NADI DESERVES BETTER BUT ALSO SLEEP 😫))

YAY WE ARE THE FOOL! But holy shit we stole their body yikes...sorry my dude

Awwww Nadia is too sweet

Yaaas Nadia define yo damn self queen 👏

Super jealous of Nadi and Asras friendship tbh. What bros. I love it

“I’ll get them here one way or another” DAMN OKAY ASRA

DAMN I NEED MORE COINS 😭

DAMN VLASTOMIL YOU UGLY MY DUDE

MC ESMÉ BREAKER OF CHAINS BITCHES LETS UNBIND THIS FOO

Nadia is such a bamf omg 👏

Awww worried Nadi ❤️

AWWW VOLTA IS SO CUTEEEE OMG SOMEONE GIVE HER A COOKIE

.............

OOOOOOHHHH MYYYYYY GOOOOOOD 😂😂😂 SHES TERRIFYING 😂😂😂

Aw poor Volta I feel bad for her

OMG VOLTA IS SO CUTE 😭❤️ GG PROTECC THE BABY

Hierophant realm here we come! We on a roll!

Ew who turned the Hierophant into Voldemort. My guy got got

UGH VALERIUS YOU ANNOYING FUCK GTFO

THATS IT?! Omfgggg need more Nadi/MC badassery in my life

So wow wow wow what a fucking fun update! Now I gatta make some time to finish up Book XIX The Sun for my babies AND OMFG WE FINALLY GET SOMEONE NEW MY DUDE MURIEL so I gatta start that soon! Hopefully within the next few days!!! 👏

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RWBY VOL 6 EP 3

Wow wow wow wow wow. So fucking hyped for this episode it’s not even funny! So let’s get right to it! As always:

RWBY VOL 6 EP 3 The Lost Fable SPOILERS!!!!!!

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This episode was so good hshdjkffishsj!!! Here’s some of my favorite moments:

- Wow this episode is already beautiful af 👏 GG RT Animation

- Salem is Rapunzel? Aight. I guess 🤷‍♀️

- OZMA?! IM FUCKING DEAD 😂

- I appreciate that Salem is also fighting her way out of the tower alongside Ozma. gg girl

- Oh shit he ded already. Okay.

- “It is here where mankind will fall to ruin” okay that sounds not so good

- OH MY GOD WE REALLY SEEIN THE GOD OF LIGHT AND HE SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE A GOD LMAO WTF 😂

- I love how my dude God of Light saw Salem’s tantrum and just noped right out. Didn’t even bother finishing.

- EW EW EW EW EW OH MY GOD GOD OF DARKNESS IS NIGHTMARE FUEL

- Wait...can’t he only destroy though 🤔

- OH. SHIT. BOSS. GOD. BATTLE.

- OH MY GOD HE INFINITY WAR’D OZMA 😂 GADDAMMIT POOR OZMA IS JUST TRYNA SLEEP. LEAVE HER ALONE 😂

- HE GOT INFINITY WAR’D TWICE LMAO MY POOR DUDE 😂 NO WONDER OZPIN JUST HATES EVERYTHING

- These gods omfg. 😂 “hey man she came to me first” “oh sorry dude I’ll fix it” 😂

- OH MY GOD RT NOW PEOPLE STABBING THENSELVES OMG

- So instead of just realizing that dying is a part of life she legit started a war against the Gods? My girl did not get the memo at all.

- OH MY GOD THE GOD OF DARKNESS DID NOT FUCK AROUND. HE NUKED EVERYONE.

- Oh damn and then they ditch her on this plan—OH MY GOD THATS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FUCKING MOON

- THEY ANSWERED THE MOON QUESTION

- THATS IT THATS THE SHOW

- DUDE. That’s a lot of weight to put on one dude who just wanted to sleep.

- Oh my gooooooodddd my dude is gunna regret this shit so hard

- Y’all I can’t. I’m so shook over this whole episode.

- OH MY GOD THEY HAD THE MAIDENS

- MAIDENS ARE THIER KIDS IM SO DEAD

- THIS EPISODE IS SO FUCKING EPIC

- WOW. SPEECHLESS. Such a beautiful episode! Well written! And as much as I like to shit on Ozpin he’s actually been one of my favorites since the beginning so it’s nice to see where he turned into a shrimp dick fuck nugget along the way lol.

I absolutely cannot wait till Episode 4 is unlocked! This is gunna be one wild ride of a volume folks! ✌️

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RWBY VOL 6

Holy shit I can finally catch up on RWBY HSHJKVJS!

The first episode had me so fucking hyped to get some of these old ass questions answered! So here are some of my favorite moments from RWBY VOL 6 Episode 2: Uncovered!

But as always:

RWBY VOL 6 EP2 SPOILERS!!!!

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Alrighty here we go!

- Cinder is alive wow yay whatever 🤷‍♀️ I literally don’t have enough info to care about her rn

- BUT EW HER ARM IS FUCKING GROSS WTF

- Oooohhhh 3 questions type shit for the relic I’m fucking game. EVERY 100 YEARS THOUGH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST RIP

- “We’ll be sure to keep it safe” proceeds to leave it in the snow unattended 😂

- I love how everyone is on the same page just absolutely RIPPING Ozpin a new asshole. Even Oscar is like so over Ozpins shit 😂

- Wow. Such feels. Much sad for Ozpin. But also, fuck you Ozpin 😂

- WOW RUBY REAAAAALLY HAVING NONE OF OZ’S SHIT 😂 GET HER RUBY

- WHAT A FLEX BY MY BOI OSCAR WOW

- OSCAR OH MY GOD WHAT A FUCKING BRO

- JINN?! DJINN?! JEN?! THA FAHK?!

- OH MY GAWD ITS A GENIE. IN A LAMP. FUCKING NORA KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME MY QUEEN. SHE AND REN JUST HAD IT TOGETHER. 👏

- OH GAWD FUCKING DAMMIT CINDER IS THE BITCH IN THE HOOD. IM FUCKING DISAPPOINTED. WHERES NEO?! GO AWAY THOT AND BRING BACK MY ICE CREAM BABE.

- Oh shit Lil Miss Muffet hey girl 😂. OOOOOHHHH SHIT MY GIRL GOT SASS

- Everyone is so shook omg. Ozpin SHUT UP MY DUDE AND TAKE THE L

- OH MY GAWD THEY GUNNA SQUEWER QROW EVERYONE WAS READY TO FUCKING GO

- OH SHIT OZ WAS REALLY GUNNA DO SUMTHIN I CANT

- BACKSTORY TIME ALRIIIIGGGHHHTTT

- SALEM?!

- SALEM?!?!?!

- SALEEEEEMMMM?!?!? JESUS FUCKIBG CHRIST.

RT didn’t have to go that hard on this season but they DID. They did that for us lmao. I have so many feelings.

But in all seriousness, I am so excited to see where this volume is going to go! Last season was a bit slow in my opinion but it looks like we’re finally going to get some answers! Shit, RT is answering questions I didn’t even care to ask so well done! 👏

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If I am truly cursed today let water wash the hex away

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